• Published 16th Oct 2019
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Trust Once Lost - Greenhorne



When I agreed to be sent to Equestria I didn't read the fine print. I'm the wrong age, the wrong gender, and lost in the wilderness.

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Counting the Days

“It’s not a big deal!” I yelled.

“It is a big deal,” Applejack replied. “Nopony has a right to force you to do something you don’t want to do. I want you to feel safe here -”

“And I do feel safe!” I interrupted, “Washing someone’s mouth out with soap is a bit old fashioned, but it’s not like she would actually hurt me.”

“What’s not a big deal?” The youngest member of the Apple family rounded the corner into the kitchen.

“Nothing,” I said.

Applejack sighed. “Green said a bad word in front’a granny.”

Applebloom’s face made an ‘o’ of realization.

“She got the soap?” Applebloom stuck her tongue out, “Blegh.”

“See?” I said, “Not a big deal.”


My fatigue caught up with me while we were eating breakfast. My hoof grip nearly shattered a glass of apple juice.

“I want you to make sure you look out for Green at school today.” Applejack said. “She might have trouble meeting so many new ponies at once.”

“I feel tired,” I said, “Do I have to go to school today?”

“Yes,” AJ said. “You can’t miss school just because you’re tired.”

“But I just got here, don’t I get some time to settle in?”

“I know you’re nervous about going to school, but it’s not going to get any better by putting it off.”

“What if I’m sick though.”

“Do you feel sick?”

“Y-” Oh right, she can tell when I’m lying. “No. I just feel sick with anxiety.”

As pathetic as it sounds, I found it almost impossible to watch the episodes where the crusaders were getting bullied. It made me apoplectic with rage to see bullies getting away with it, and yet just like in real life, there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“It’ll be fine,” Applebloom assured. “Miss Cheerilee is really nice.”

“It’s not the teacher I’m worried about.”

“Applebloom will be right there with you and she’ll make sure nopony is mean to you.”

Time to bring out the big guns.

“You said you wouldn’t force me to do anything.” I accused. “Well, I don’t want to go to school. Just get me the textbooks and I’ll read them myself.”

“School isn’t just about learning things from books,” AJ said. “I want you to go to school so you can make some friends.”

“I can be friends with Applebloom.”

“If you try to put it off it’s not going to get any easier.” Applejack said. “You do have to go to school, it’s the law.”

“What are they going to do?” I asked. "Throw me in a dungeon? Banish me? Banish me and throw me in a dungeon in the place they banish me to?”

“If you don’t go to school, I’ll get in trouble, and then I won’t be able to look after you anymore.”


I managed to brush my teeth without help, the trouble was mostly gripping the toothbrush at the right angle. Comparing the toothbrush I’d been given to Applebloom’s the handle was much wider and flatter, which made it easier to grasp with my inconsistent hoofgrip. Whether it was designed for a foal or for somepony with a disability I suppose made no practical difference.

“Did you need help to brush your mane?” Asked Applejack.

I’d never owned a hairbrush. I’d had a crew cut since I was a little kid.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t you want to look your best to meet your new classmates?”

“I don’t want to meet them at all.” I answered back. “It’s not like it will make a difference anyway.”

I realized I was just being obstinate.

“Fine,” I admitted. “I don’t know how to brush my mane.”

I really need a haircut.

I didn’t think AJ would let me get a buzz cut, but I could at least make it shorter and easier to deal with.

Considering my new body was about forty percent hair by volume, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. Brushing your mane implied brushing your mane and tail, but we were still done in just a few minutes. There were a few tangles but I focused on not letting any of the discomfort show on my face. Short hair would have less risk of people grabbing it - not that that’s something I should have to worry about. Probably. Ouch. There’s another knot.


“You don’t have to walk us to school ya know.” Said Applebloom

“Ah know you’re all grown up,” AJ replied, “But it’s Green’s first day and I want to have a word with Cheerilee.”

“Fine.”

“You’re not embarrassed to be seen with yer big sis are ya?”

Better to nip this conversation in the bud.

“She doesn’t want her classmates to think she’s a baby who needs to be walked to school,” I said. “It’s nothing personal.”

Applebloom nodded.

“If those fillies at school are teasing you again I can speak to their parents.”

“Please don’t.”


Cheerilee wasn’t surprised to see Applejack approaching her. It was common that parents would want to talk before leaving their precious child with her for the first time, and it was nice to see Applejack was so quickly growing to fill that role for her new foster foal.

The file Cheerilee had been given on her newest student was surprisingly light; no transcripts from previous schools, no commendations, and no disciplinary records either. She hoped Applejack could help fill in some of the blanks, else she’d be starting from scratch.

“Applejack!” said Cheerilee, “So good to see you. You’re here to drop off Green, I take it?”

“Yeah,” Applejack nodded, “There were some things I wanted to discuss with you.”

“That’s great,” Replied Cheerilee, “I wanted to ask about what prior education she’s had.”

“Well she seems pretty clever,” Said Applejack, “But she won’t tell us anything about her past so there’s not much to say about that.”

“I’ll see how she goes in class today,” Said Cheerilee, “If she’s keeping up okay then I can test for any gaps in her knowledge once she’s had a chance to settle in.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually,” Applejack admitted, “Green has some issues you should be aware of.”

“Oh?”

“She has poor coordination, and struggles to grip things with her hooves.” Said Applejack. “She can read, but I’m not sure if she’ll be able to write legibly.”

Cheerilee frowned.

“I see.” She said. “And what about her magic?”

“No spells yet, but she’s having magic surges.”

Cheerilee’s eyes widened, imagining the damage an unstable unicorn foal with the mana pool of an eight-year-old could do to her classroom.

“Magic surges, at her age?” Cheerilee questioned.

“Well, only once so far.” Applejack said. “We’re hoping it was a one-time thing.”

“Anything else I should know?”

“She gets really frightened when she’s meeting new ponies,” Said Applejack, “So maybe don’t make her introduce herself in front of the whole class.”

“Even if she’s shy it’s usually best to get introductions out of the way upfront.” Cheerilee said, “If the other students see me treating her differently it may not be the best first impression.”

“She’s not just shy,” Applejack said, “She has panic attacks.”

“Oh dear.” Said Cheerilee. “Well, I’ll certainly do whatever I can to help her feel comfortable.”

“One more thing, if you see her looking at a fixed point and taking slow breaths that means she’s feeling anxious and doing her breathing exercises,” Applejack explained, “So try not to interrupt her.”


“Alright class, we have a new student today.” Said Cheerilee, “Her name is Green, and I expect you all to make her feel welcome.”

It’s alright, they’re just kids. It’s just words. They can’t hurt you. I mean, they’re bigger than you and you don’t even know how to run, so they probably could hurt you really badly, but they won’t, right?

I couldn’t remember the crusaders ever getting beaten up physically, but this world seemed much more real.

Oh god, everyone’s still looking at me! I must be doing something wrong.

Relax. Breathe. In. Out.

They’re probably waiting for me to introduce myself.

“Uh, hi, my name is Green,” I managed to say, “And... I don’t know how I got here.”

Stupid. Stupid. Why did this have to be so hard? Why was I so anxious just meeting a group of children?

“Hi, Green.” The class chanted in unison.

“Alright Class,” Said Cheerliee, “Eyes front. Today we’re going to be learning about how to read a calendar.”

There was a murmur of dissatisfaction from the class and one of the young ponies raised their hoof.

“Yes, Twist?” Said Cheerilee.

“Isn’t Green going to introduce herself in front of the class?”

I wanted to hide my face, but I knew I had to keep my body language neutral. If I showed weakness, I just knew they’d bully me forever.

Keep breathing. Don’t move.

“Only if she wants to.” Said Cheerliee. “If we get through this lesson quickly I can give you all an early mark for recess.”

I was trapped. If I said no, everypony would think I’m shy. If I said yes, I’d be holding them back from early recess and they’d all be angry with me. Why did she have to do this to me?

I tried to answer and my decision was all but made for me when I realized I couldn’t move. I opened my mouth and, rather than make strangled noises, I closed it again. Swallowing dryly I shook my head in the negative.

As the class moved on I couldn’t focus, but it hardly mattered in a class about reading calendars. I felt like I had to pee but, from experience, I knew with how suddenly it had come on that it was just a fear response.

“Green.”

Relax. Breathe. You haven’t done anything wrong.

“Did you hear the question, Green?” Cheerilee asked in a gentle tone.

“No,” I replied. “What was it again?”

“I was asking how many days there are in a year.”

“Three hundred and sixty-five.” I answered.

“Not quite. Anypony else?” The teacher asked. “Yes, Diamond Tiara.”

“There are a thousand.” Her stuck up voice put my teeth on edge. “Even foals know that!”

“That’s not a kind thing to say young filly.” Cheerilee admonished. “See me after class.”

Great. Now the teacher was defending me. I was going to pay for that.

As the lesson wore on I felt my need to pee grow stronger. Maybe I really did need to go. I couldn’t ask for a hall pass though; I didn’t want to interrupt the lesson, and the other kids would probably think I was running off to the bathroom to cry.

In any case, Cheerilee had said we would get an early recess, so I shouldn’t have to wait too long.


By the time the lesson was winding down, all I could really think about was plotting the fastest way to get to the bathroom after class was let out. I would wait a little bit for the other kids to get through the door so they wouldn’t bump into me, and then I’d make a break for the bathrooms I’d seen on the way in.

Thankfully, when I got to the bathroom the stalls were empty. I hadn’t considered what I’d do if letting the other students leave the classroom first had meant a line.

It took a bit of concentration to ensure my hooves didn't slip on the hard floor. The last thing I wanted to do was skid into a wall.

The toilet was scaled down a bit from the full-size ones I’d see so far, which made it more comfortable to use at my size.


Feeling much relieved I left the stall and went to wash my hooves.

I had to fight down a spike of panic when I saw another pony enter the bathroom.

Relax. Breathe. You have every right to be here.

The sky blue pegasus colt looked at me in shock as he and I came to the same realization.

My skin went cold and I felt like I had to pee again.

The colt’s hooves were thunderous on the tile floor as he galloped away.

“Miss Cheerilee, Miss Cheerilee!” The colt yelled. “Green is in the wrong bathroom!”


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