> Trust Once Lost
>  by Greenhorne
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Self-Reliance
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When someone threatened to turn me into a mare, I didn’t think they were actually serious. Mostly because, based on everything I knew about the world, everything I had experienced in my life up to that point, such a thing was impossible. Being in a different body, with no apparent gap in consciousness, was utterly outside the context of what I was able to understand. 

One thing I’m proud of is that I’m calm in a crisis, a skill set I spent many years honing as a nurse. The first thing I noticed was that my body was the wrong shape. I tried to take a moment to ground myself, but as I took a breath, my lungs felt wrong; as I tensed and relaxed my muscles and tried to roll my shoulders, all of that was completely wrong too.

Panic gripped my chest, and I resisted the urge to breathe faster. I held the breath in my too-small lungs and counted to three, then exhaled with deliberate slowness, feeling the air pass over a painful lump in my too-long throat and leave my mouth that was the wrong shape. I kept my eyes open and focused on a nearby tree. I felt the soft earth beneath my too-many feet. So many parts of my mind screamed that something was very, very wrong.

I didn’t fight those thoughts. I accepted them, and then focused on my breathing, which I kept slow and even, and the ground, which was firm beneath me, and the tree, which was still just a tree.

“Okay,” I whispered with the breath I was slowly exhaling, my voice too small, too high-pitched.

I felt my wrongly placed heart beating too fast in my chest, maybe a hundred sixty beats per minute. I could feel my muscles tremble and relaxed as much as possible while standing on my too-many legs.

With my panic response under control, I could think.

“Okay, focus,” I muttered under my breath in my too-high voice.

Check for danger. I looked around, noting that with my much-wider field of vision I barely had to turn my head at all to see three-hundred-sixty degrees. I was in some type of forest; I didn’t see any movement from animals, or anything else immediately dangerous. I took a tentative step forward. I could move; I had no trouble breathing; I didn’t feel any injuries or pain.



Okay. I wasn’t going to die. I didn’t need to take any immediate action. I could take some time to think. I lay down on the ground, resting my head on my forelegs, a position that felt comfortable in my new form.

When you work with people suffering hallucinations and delusions, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll think about what it must be like to be -if we’re dispensing with tact- crazy. A common mistake some people make is thinking you can’t be crazy if you know you’re crazy. Someone can know full well that their hallucinations aren’t real and still see them just as vividly. Delusions and psychosis are different things entirely. It was scary to think you might one day be in such a vulnerable state, unable to perceive the world around you for what it was.

My mind felt clear. I could follow a train of thought, and nothing in my mind felt jumbled, but then again I had no idea what having a psychotic break felt like. What I’d decided on in the past was that if things just stopped making sense, I would try to remain calm, not do anything rash or violent, and listen carefully to what people around me were saying. Realistically there was no way that could have worked. Psychosis doesn’t work that way, but I did always like to have a plan. The applicability of that plan to the current situation seemed to confirm that it was indeed a silly plan.

If I was crazy, there wasn’t much I could do about it. There was no-one around to take directions from. I could lay here and do nothing to wait and see what happened, but eventually, I would get thirsty, and hungry, and need to use the bathroom... I shuddered to think where I might actually be when that happened if this forest was all in my head.

As a matter of practicality, I had to assume I wasn’t crazy. Whether this was a dream didn’t matter either. Either I was right about it not being a dream, or else it didn’t matter. 

Alright. If I'm not crazy and I'm not dreaming, what do I know? I'm thinking, so I exist. I remember living as a human, and I also remember being a pony for the last couple of minutes. At least, I assume I'm a pony.

I looked down at my green, furry hooves, and then turned my head to look at my own back, something I hadn't been flexible enough to accomplish as a human. Yup. Definitely a pony. No cutie mark, but from the proportions and pastel green coat it was clear that I was not a regular pony, but a fictional, magical pony.

I felt my forehead and found a horn. I tried focusing on it, but nothing happened. Tapping on it with a hoof wasn't painful exactly, but intensely uncomfortable, like a funny bone attached to my skull. Which I guess it kinda was, unless it was all keratin like my hooves.

He threatened to turn me into a “mare.” Bracing myself for the inevitable, I stood up on all fours and took at look between my legs. Sure enough, my lower horn was gone.

Alright. Well, I could place that in the increasing list of things that I would worry about later. Right now, I was in an unfamiliar place, in an unfamiliar body, lost in the wilderness with no equipment and, presumably, no one looking for me.

Fortunately, I'd been a boy scout back in the day, so I knew, at least vaguely, how to find and purify drinking water, start a fire, hunt, fish, forage, and navigate.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any containers to boil water, or any water filters, or any chlorine. I didn't know how to start a fire with hooves; I didn't think this new body would appreciate me eating meat; I knew nothing about what local plants were edible, and I didn't have a map or compass. If my assumption about being in Equestria was right, then I wouldn't even be able to find North with the stars. I could die out here and no-one would ever know what happened to me. 

I felt sick to my stomach and deliberately slowed my breathing again.

"Alright, alright," I muttered to myself in my too-high voice. "What's the plan?"

First step was communication. I didn't have any tech or reflective surfaces I could use to signal with, but I could maybe start a fire, and, in the unlikely event that someone actually was looking for me, I would leave markers to indicate where I'd gone.

Next was figuring out where I was. I would feel pretty silly building a survival shelter if it turned out there was a town within sight of here. I considered climbing a tree, but with hooves that was out of the question. I looked at my back and noted the lack of wings.

"From all of us together, together we're friends. With the marks of our destinies made one, there is magic without end," I intoned.

I looked back and determined I had not sprouted wings.

"Meh," I chuckled. "It was worth a shot."

I had two real options; I could either try for higher ground and look for somewhere I could get a view of the surrounding area, or I could look for lower ground and hope to find a river I could follow.

I decided to aim for the river. Hopefully, I could find some fast-flowing water that would be safe enough to drink. Taking time to arrange rocks into a crude arrow to show where I had gone, I started walking downhill.




 

When the threat of turning me into a mare had been made, I played along.

"So if I become a pony does that fix any medical conditions I have?" I had asked.

“Of course,” Came the reply. “You get a whole new body.”

"Well, sign me up then," I joked. "I've only got a couple years left before I have to worry about my meds damaging my liver."

As a human I suffered from chronic itch. That doesn't sound like the end of the world, right? Well, imagine an itch triggered by nothing at all, so powerful that you would continue to tear at your skin after it was already bleeding, across large areas of your body, keeping you from sleep for days at a time; and completely unresponsive to standard treatments.

Needless to say, without the more powerful drugs, my life was misery. The drugs are not kind to the body though. We use one of them in chemotherapy, albeit at higher dosages. The higher the dosages I took, the more the symptoms receded; and the faster I would damage my body. When my specialist informed me that my test results indicated I had maybe two years left until I would be forced to stop taking it? It was a blow. 

I had reduced the medication as much as I could bear, trading discomfort for longevity, hoping desperately that the drug trials I was waiting for would come through in time.

If I'd known that becoming a pony was an actual option, I might still have said yes.





Having all my skin intact and free from discomfort was an amazing thing. I couldn't remember a time when I'd had that, even as a child and, according to my mother, even as an infant I had suffered.

Now I could feel a breeze across my skin and not have to ignore the itch it created; I could sweat and not have to ignore the burning tingle as it dripped across broken, irritated skin;  I kept expecting to feel an itch from where dirt was sticking to my coat, and yet there was nothing.

Which left me to focus on this body's atrocious lack of physical conditioning.

I didn't have a watch, but I'd estimate I'd only been walking for a couple of hours and already my muscles were aching and my lungs were burning. I was glad I had chosen to walk downhill because in this body I didn't think I'd have the endurance for any type of climb.

Ignoring my aching muscles, thirst, and burning lungs I kept moving, if I went down far enough I knew that eventually, I would find water.





When I heard flowing water ahead of me I forgot my tiredness and broke into a run. Or I would have if I was still human, as a pony I promptly tripped over my own hooves, fell on my face and learned a couple of things.

The first was that while walking as an equine was fairly straightforward, it turned out that moving faster required moving into a trot, canter, or gallop, the rhythms of which were decidedly more complicated. 

The second was that this body's pain tolerance was much lower than what I'd enjoyed as a human. A small graze on my cheek left me fighting back tears.

I took a breath into my aching, too-small lungs and exhaled it slowly, getting back to my hooves.

"I don't got time to bleed!" I joked to myself, laughing at the way it sounded with my small, high-pitched voice.

When I finally got to the river I didn't bother doing a full set of tests for drinkability, I just noted that it was flowing fast enough and put my mouth into it, gulping the cool water down greedily.

After drinking my fill I sat back on the river bank and finally relaxed for a bit. The graze on my cheek stung a bit, but I could ignore it easily enough. Despite still being lost I felt much better about my situation now that I'd found the river. Not only did I now have a source of drinking water, but, with any luck, I could follow this river downstream and find civilization. 

Or maybe the population density in Equestria was much lower, and I was several months trek from anything. Heck, maybe I wasn't even in Equestria and when I found civilization I’d be abducted and experimented on as an alien.

I sighed and shook my head. No use dwelling on those thoughts when I had more immediate concerns.

One of them being that I was feeling a gnawing hunger in my stomach and I still had no idea what plants were safe for this body to eat. In my human body I knew I could easily go a day or two without food, but with this newer, seemingly more fragile body? I could only guess. 

I couldn't remember the exact procedure for testing edibility, but I did the best I could with decade-old knowledge.

Ponies could eat grass right? I couldn't remember seeing any ponies eating straight grass in the show, but hay was apparently a staple for them. The reason humans can't digest grass and hay is that they can’t break down cellulose, so it stood to reason that, if ponies ate hay, they could at least theoretically eat grass.

I put my head down and smelled the grass. It smelled like grass, which was unfortunate, since that meant it probably also tasted like grass. If I still had my human sense of taste and smell the grass wouldn't be palatable. Or maybe magical ponies didn't like to eat grass either?

Regretting that I didn't have hands to break some grass off, I licked my lips and rubbed some grass between my lips, without taking any into my mouth. I didn't feel any immediate irritation on my lips. Now I needed to wait for... five minutes? Something like that. I didn't have a watch anyway.

"One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand," I counted, trying and failing to get used to the odd shape of my new mouth, "Four one thousand, five one thousand."

"Eh stuff it." I muttered under my breath.

Counting it out exactly was a waste of daylight. I should be working on fire or shelter. Neither of which I was looking forward to without hands. I started collecting any deadwood that looked dry enough in a pile. I had to carry them in my mouth, much like a dog playing fetch, and the mental image helped raise my spirits.

When I felt like enough time had passed and I still had no reaction to the grass on my lips, I returned to the patch of grass and carefully bit off a small amount. It tasted like grass, but it was actually pretty bland, neither the flavor nor the mouth feel was overly objectionable as I chewed on it (I couldn't remember whether there was supposed to be an extra step where I touched it to my tongue without chewing). My stomach grumbled in protest as I resisted the urge to swallow and instead spat out the glob of green goo. 

I spent another few minutes gathering firewood. The real problem with fire was that I didn't have any matches or even flint. I didn't have any bootlaces to make a bow drill, or tinder to catch a spark, or a knife to feather the kindling. If I'd had fists, they would have been clenched in sheer frustration. A part of me wanted to give up on the idea of fire altogether. I took as much of a breath as those pathetic, irritating lungs would allow and after a moment, vented it out my nose with an equine snort.

Deciding that enough time had passed without any negative reaction to the grass I stomped back over to the grass I was testing and bit off a few blades, chewed, and swallowed them. My stomach ached with hunger after being teased with such a small amount of food, but I resisted the urge to grab a mouthful. Now I'd have to wait for at least half an hour to see if it made me sick.

I was tired, and my muscles ached, and my hooves hurt, and I was hungry and the food was right there! I could see that it was grass and, instead of eating it, here I was treating it like I was being tested for some stupid survival merit badge!

It didn't even taste bad anymore. In fact, it didn't taste like anything... oh. I ran my tongue over the inside of my mouth and it confirmed my fears; whatever this 'grass' was, it had made my whole mouth numb. 

I shrieked.

I frantically rinsed my mouth with river water, but the numbness wouldn't go away. I had no idea how poisonous the grass might be. A lump formed in my throat... or was that my throat swelling shut? Was this new body allergic to this grass? No no no, if I went into anaphylactic shock out here I was dead! 

Waves of nausea wracked my body but I couldn't tell if they were a reaction to poison or just anxiety over being poisoned. My coat had a sheen of cold sweat as I shivered and retched and sobbed, sitting back on my haunches. Everything felt so heavy, like I was fighting a weight pressing down as much on my consciousness as my corporeal body.

I tried to fight the shaking, but It just got worse. My lungs burned, I wasn't getting enough air. I focused on my breathing, sucking in a shuddering breath past the painful lump in my throat, and then out again. Pain lanced through my chest as my heart thundered away.

Think goddammit! You're going into shock.
What would you tell a patient in this situation?

I rolled onto my back, putting my legs above my heart.

Relax, breathe. You're going to get through this.

I breathed in and relaxing and allowing myself to shiver as I pulled air past the painful lump in my throat.

Now, what are your symptoms

Chest pain, cold, clammy skin, shivering, tightness in the throat, nausea, feeling faint, numbness in the mouth. You are in shock; blood pressure is too low; chest pain possible heart attack; more likely panic attack; numbness in the mouth likely exposure to unknown plant; tightness in throat unlikely to be anaphylaxis: lack of other symptoms (no heat, no itch, no rash or hives, no facial swelling during or after edibility tests).

I had no way to test for a heart attack, or to treat one, and the presentation was much more consistent with a panic attack. The next step would have been comforting the patient and assuring them that a panic attack was nothing to be ashamed of. I knew this. I knew this and yet all I felt was a terrible, bitter self-loathing.

I was weak. I was pitiful, worthless. I lay there and breathed, and shook, and waited for the symptoms to subside.
> Self-Doubt
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

My anger didn't feel right. In my old body, when I was angry, I felt powerful. I would have been able to feel the coiled strength of my muscles, and the heady sense of invulnerability that went along with a sudden adrenaline hit. I would have felt like I was holding myself back from doing damage to something. Now it felt like all I was holding back was a temper tantrum.

Weakness and vulnerability were things I'd never been willing to accept in myself, and I'd been fortunate that I'd never had to. Growing up, I was always taller and stronger than average, something I had my dad to thank for, both with his genetics and his efforts to keep me involved in some kind of sport even when I'd have preferred to be reading or playing video games. From age thirteen I chose martial arts.

On the rare occasions I was forced into a fight at school I ended it swiftly and decisively, without injuring anyone. I was miserable at school, and looking back I can admit I was lonely, but I never feared for my physical safety, and that was something I took great comfort in.

This new body was weak. The years of training I had put into training my balance, reflexes and movement counted for nothing. All I had left was my mind, and now my mental toughness had failed me too.

I was weak, lost, and scared but, rather than wish someone was here to comfort me, I was relieved that no-one else was around to see my moment of weakness.

As I lay there on the river bank, watching the sky turn orange, I sighed. My adrenaline had ebbed, my fatigue and the dull ache of my muscles returning.

You're such an idiot, I said in my head. I didn't want to hear my new voice.

I tried to tell myself that I didn't care what anyone else thought of me, but here I was, in a life and death situation, terrified of anyone seeing me look weak. I realised in that moment that, while I didn't care about people underestimating me, the thought of people seeing me when I was actually helpless was terrifying.







I glared at the pile of sticks as if trying to set them alight with sheer force of will. Which given I was a magical unicorn should have been entirely possible. I went cross-eyed looking at my horn, but there wasn't so much as a glow.

I'd done my best without any hands or tools. Under the pile of sticks was a pyramid of small twigs for kindling painstakingly arranged by mouth, and inside that was some dried out moss which I hoped would work as tinder.

I understood the theory of starting a fire by rubbing sticks together, but I'd only ever done it once, almost two decades ago, and at that time I had made a bow drill using my bootlaces.

The concept of a bow drill is pretty straightforward if you've ever seen one; you wrap your string around a stick and then you pull the string side to side to make it rotate rapidly, rubbing the end against a piece of wood until the friction created an ember which you could use to light your tinder.

I didn't have any string, and even if I'd wanted to make some string by braiding together plant fibers, I didn't know how to do that without hands. I also knew you could start a fire by spinning a stick between your palms, though it was much more difficult, especially for a child or someone with small hands.

So I sat in the dark, trying not to shiver while I twirled a stick I had pressed between my two front hooves. A few times I got a good rhythm going for a couple minutes, but inevitably the stick would slip from between my hooves which led to cursing as I frantically tried to get the stick back into position before the tip cooled off too much.

I was so tired. With my old body I knew I could go a night without sleep, and then even most of the next day before I truly crashed. Right now I felt like I'd been up two straight days. I was biting my tongue to try to stay awake, but my mouth still felt a bit numb. I smashed my hoof down on a rock, and it hurt, I couldn't stop the hot tears running down my face, but it didn't reduce my fatigue any.

When my eyes closed for a couple moments, I saw flashes of a dream, people's voices, the sounds of them moving around, and it took a second to reorient myself as I wrestled my consciousness back from the brink. I thought I saw smoke coming from the stick at one point, but it might have been a dream, or my eyes playing tricks in the dark; In any case, it wasn't the ember I needed to light the fire.

I don't know how much of my attempt to start the fire I dreamed, and how much was real, but at some point I fell asleep.





Contrary to the common trope, someone who's severely sleep deprived doesn't fall into a dreamless sleep. Quite the opposite; the more sleep deprived you are, the faster you will progress into REM sleep.

I knew I was dreaming, but I couldn't wake up. Having lucid dreams wasn't uncommon for me, but rarely did I have omnipotence in them. I could change the dream a bit, like making myself invulnerable, or erasing parts of the dream I didn't like, but I couldn't fully choose what I wanted to dream about.

I was dreaming about myself, in my present situation, and I was being attacked by timberwolves. It terrified me.

I knew they couldn't actually harm me in my dream, but at the same moment I was sleeping out in the open, too exhausted to even put up a fight. I'd made a terrible mistake and there was nothing I could do but hope and pray that nothing bad would happen to my body while I was unconscious.

In Equestria, it turned out, the local deities responded to prayers in a much more immediate and unambiguous way than they did back home.

In a flash of magic, a midnight blue alicorn appeared, standing over top of me protectively. Her size was on a scale such that I could have hidden myself behind one of her legs as an anxious foal might behind the foreleg of its mother. The timber wolves froze in place.

"Fear not, my little pony!" she exclaimed, heroically, "I have heard your call. Nothing shall harm you in my domain!"

I knew why she chose this protective posture, yet my human mind immediately jumped to the lewder implication of being underneath her. Blushing, I scrambled out from the compromising position, moving into a bow.

"P-princess Luna! You're, uh." don't say bigger, don't say bigger, don't say bigger, "Taller than I expected."

Smooth.

Luna looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Rise, my little pony." She instructed, "You are dreaming. What you see before you cannot harm you."

"I know."

"You know this is a dream?" She questioned, "Then why does it frighten you so? I felt your waves of terror all the way from Canterlot."

"Afraid of these?" I asked, reducing the timberwolves to ash and cinders with a wave of my tiny hoof. "No. I haven't feared my dreams since I was twelve."

Luna gave me an appraising look.

"While I'm here, my body is in danger, in the real world." I explained, "I'm not sure exactly how much danger but, based on how badly I screwed everything else up today, I'll probably die of hypothermia or something."

Luna's serene expression morphed into one of shocked outrage.

"You're out in the cold? Who has done this?" She demanded, "No pony should be forced out into the cold simply for making mistakes!"

This was the critical point, I could either pretend to be a lost pony and be assured of her aid, or I could tell the truth and risk whatever came along with that. She might have thought that I was crazy, or dangerous, or perhaps that it was some kind of joke.

I could tell an easy lie, or I could trust another person. So obviously I chose the lie.

"What?" I exclaimed, "No, nopony did this to me, I'm just lost, and I can't remember how I got here, or much of anything really."

The trick to telling a convincing lie is to believe it while you're saying it.

I was lost, I didn’t know how I got here, and while someone might think I meant no-one had transported me here what I really meant in my head was that it was my own fault for getting myself into the present situation. There was no way for me to know if I was missing any memories, or even if my human memories were real. I didn't really have any doubt, but I could entertain that idea easily enough. After all, there was no evidence they were real, apart from their internal consistency. If someone could change my location and body on a whim, why would it be unbelievable for them to fabricate a lifetime of human memories and inserting them into my pony brain?

I was lying by telling the truth. Just to smooth over any misunderstandings. That wasn't taking advantage of anyone, it was just being pragmatic. I'm not a bad person.

"I know it's asking a lot, but could you send somepony to come save me?" I asked, rubbing the back of my head in embarrassment, "I'm not really as much of a survivalist as I thought I was. I don't have any food, and I couldn't get a fire started."

And I'm so terrified of screwing up and dying that gave myself a full-blown panic attack. I didn't feel comfortable saying that last part out loud; it was bad enough she could sense my fear, I couldn't stand the thought of actually admitting it.

Even now I was trying to convince myself that I didn’t need her help, that when I woke up, I could keep working the problem; just because I’d failed the first day didn’t mean I was helpless now. I could figure out how to start a fire, I could try other foods. I could follow the river to the sea if I had to, and then I’d work my way along the coast.

Luna’s expression changed to one of worry and my hope for the rescue I was pretending not to need was abruptly yanked away.

“I’m afraid my magic won’t be able to find you that precisely,” she explained, “I can feel you are far away, but directions in the dream realm cannot be translated into real coordinates. You truly have no idea of your location?”

“Ah well, it was worth a shot,” I sighed, “thanks for trying anyway.”

“Fear not, young one,” Luna encouraged, “we have the power of crown and country behind us, you shall not be abandoned!”

“No!” I said hurriedly, “You don’t have to do that, I’ll be fine, really! I can find my own way, I don’t want the whole country searching for me like I’m some helpless foal!”

What are you saying, you lunatic?! You’re willing to risk death out in the wilderness just so people won’t be inconvenienced by searching for you?

The rational part of my mind was screaming at me, but my emotional side was much less encouraging.

You’re lying to them, they shouldn’t have to waste their effort on someone who’s just taking advantage of their trust and goodwill.

Luna looked at me sadly.

Idiot! You’re making her feel sorry for you! Now she’s going to worry about your mental wellbeing too and she’s definitely going to start a search. They’re all going to be worried sick trying to find their lost pony and when the truth comes out, they’ll hate you forever!

In a sudden shift in the dreamscape Luna was behind me, a wing wrapped around me protectively.

“Oh little one, I know you're no foal,” She tried to comfort me, “You're a brave little filly, but there is no shame in needing help. Everypony needs help sometimes, even princesses.”

Oh.

I was a child.

That put things a few things in a different context.

I was lost, hungry, scared, and I was a child. Of course she would be so intent on finding me. The pony equivalent of an AMBER alert was probably spreading across all of Equestria by now.

Well now I had to get myself rescued as quickly as possible, to stop ponies from worrying about me, if nothing else. I could still be proactive.

First things first, I allowed Luna to comfort me. She was trying to calm a frightened child so if I wasn't soothed it would only add to her worries.

I relaxed and slowed my breathing, feeling her warmth and her kind intentions as they radiated in the dreamscape. I managed to make myself believe at least for a while that I was actually just a lost filly.

"We know there is something you are not telling us." I felt Luna's voice rumble in her chest which I had pressed to my cheek in her hug. She felt me tense up in an involuntary response I couldn't suppress. "We shall not force thee to share, but heed our words for we know well the folly of hiding our burdens from those who would help us bear them."

She knows.

Dammit, I have to fix this. Okay, she knows I'm lying which means she thinks she knows when I'm lying. Which means whatever I say next she'll think is a lie because she's actively looking for signs I'm lying. So if I say something I want her to think I'm trying to lie about - damn, what does she know?

All right, I'm a lost child she found who is pretending not to remember anything - oh. Damn, that's dark. She thinks I'm a runaway; a potential abuse victim who doesn't trust anyone, doesn't want to talk about their family, doesn't want to make a fuss because they're afraid their abuser will find them again.

Looking at it from her perspective, if I'd been treating a child who raised half the red flags I had displayed in front of Luna I would have already summoned security and be halfway through dialing child services.

I couldn't tell her the truth even if I wanted to now, she just straight up wouldn't believe me. A child who was already lying to her, that she assumed was trying to hide their abuse, coming out with such an outlandish story? Even if I somehow convinced her I was being honest, she would just think I was delusional.

I couldn’t think of anything to say. Any specific denial would be taken as confirmation and I had already ruled out telling the truth. All right fine, dodge the question. It’s not really lying, even if it will give her the wrong impression.

“Princess, I don’t know how long I have here before I wake up,” I explained, channeling fear and urgency into my voice, hoping to give plausible deniability to why I was changing the subject, “I really need some advice on some more immediate problems - can you show me how to light a fire without matches? Or show me what food I can safely eat?”

Luna gave me a steady look. Clearly she knew exactly what I was doing but, after a moment of piercing eye contact, she took pity and decided not to call me out on it.

“Woodcraft is not one of our fields of expertize.” Luna explained, “If you wish we may invite another into this dream that can better assist you.”

I spotted the imprecise language she had used. The implication I was supposed to take was that she was inviting someone to assist me with woodcraft, but the two statements felt deliberately separated. If I was reading between the lines correctly, she wanted to invite some kind of child expert who would be better at talking to a child in my situation. I wasn’t sure, but if I just went along with it, I would find out if Luna was being dishonest. If she thought I was a dumb kid that wouldn’t pick up on that sort of thing, it was to my advantage not to dissuade her of the notion.

“Of course!” I said, focusing on the excitement of finding out whether I was right, rather than the disappointment that I wasn’t going to get what I was asking for, since it lined up with the expected response if I’d been ignorant.

“Excuse us for one moment.” Luna instructed, relieved I had accepted the offer of assistance, which gave more weight to the theory she was manipulating me into accepting help. “We shall return with another who can aid you.”

Luna was gone in a flash, and I was alone in the dreamscape again. One thing was for sure, I wasn’t lying about needing the advice. In practical terms, I’d checked off the first and most important item; I’d managed to get a call for help out and people were searching for me. The second and third items on the list were finding a way to signal my location to my rescuers and surviving until they found me.


> Self-Examination
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a few minutes Luna returned and, to my shock, the pony she had brought along was Fluttershy. I hadn’t considered that she might bring one of the mane six, although in hindsight they were the ponies she had called on previously to help with problems in the dream realm.

Fluttershy was looking at me with sorrowful eyes and I had to suppress the sudden urge to freeze. The absolute last thing I wanted was to cause her distress, and if she got the impression I was afraid of her, it would be counterproductive. I fell back on my well-practiced skills for dealing with anxious people. I wasn’t sure if I was getting the body language right with this new body, but I relaxed into what I thought was a more open posture, subconsciously I was also trying to appear smaller and less imposing. I imagined a comforting warmth in my chest which I allowed to form a slight, understanding smile on my face. I moved neither closer, nor further away, allowing her to set the distance between us for her own comfort. I tried to keep enough eye contact to appear attentive, but not so much as to be intimidating or demanding.

I didn’t freeze, but I kept my movements slow and deliberate, consciously dulling my reflexes to avoid making any sudden movements in response to anything she did. I didn’t say anything, it would be better to allow her to speak first, but I started to mentally prepare what I would say and the tone and volume I would use if the silence stretched long enough to be awkward.

Those few seconds of preparation were wasted when Fluttershy rocketed forward, boosted by her wings, and swooped me into a fierce hug.

As it turns out, being unintimidating is very easy when you look like a young filly.

I wasn't normally one for hugging strangers. If I felt someone needed reassurance, it was much easier to justify a gentle squeeze of their hand or a comforting hand on the shoulder, and those were much less likely to be misinterpreted. Being hugged by Fluttershy was something else. I'm not sure if it was my new body, Fluttershy's empathic powers or a property of the dream realm, but in her embrace for the first time since my arrival in this world, I felt safe.



Paradoxically, this made me burst into tears. All the fears I'd been putting off until later slammed back into me and I lost any sense of calm rationality I'd been trying to embody.

I was afraid of dying out here, I was afraid of starting life as a child again, I was afraid of what ponies might think if they found out my secret, all of those had been gnawing at me for as long as I'd been here, but there was a fear that surprised me. I hadn't given even a moment's thought to how I was going to get back. I had just immediately considered my state of being in this new world to be an immutable fact. Why?

My tears had subsided as I curled up against her barrel. With Fluttershy’s calming energy radiating through me I could finally examine my situation beyond a surface level of ‘survive’ without my brain shutting down or redirecting my attention to less uncomfortable thoughts.

Starting from the most basic level, I know nothing. I assume I exist, because assuming I don’t exist while possible, isn’t useful. I have memories which I assume are true and correct representations of reality, or at least representations of things I thought and perceived in the past, because assuming I can’t trust my memories I also wouldn’t be able to reason making the exercise pointless. Assuming I exist, and my memories represent things I have experienced in the past, what am I?

I’m a human. Came the immediate response, but that wasn’t true anymore was it? Right now, if my senses and memories were to be believed, I was a pony. So if I could be a human, and then be a pony, ‘I’ wasn’t a human was I?

Consciousness. 'I' was a consciousness. A consciousness was the product of a brain. My consciousness was the product of a brain inside this body, so this was my body, this was 'me'. So if another body came into existence with my consciousness within it, it wouldn't be me, it would be a copy of me. So if I ceased existing in this body, and simultaneously another body came into existence with my consciousness within it, I would be dead and it would still only be a copy of me.

That meant that since I started existing in this body’s brain earlier today, I wasn’t the original. I couldn’t be the original because the memories I had would have required me to be a different brain in a different body. I was a copy. The original could be alive, or dead, but I was never the original, and I could never become the original again.

It was no longer a matter of just getting out of the present situation, this was my life now. I had a full life ahead of me, probably far more than that twenty or thirty years my human body had left. Sure, it would be annoying to have to live through childhood again, and this new body would take some getting used to, but focusing only on the negatives was a waste of time. This new life was an opportunity; the only opportunity I was going to get.

I sighed contentedly. This must be what it’s like to be one of Fluttershy’s critters. No wonder they loved her.

“You can put me down now,” I spoke gently, barely more than a whisper, but this was a dream; I knew she would hear me, since that’s what I intended, “I feel much better, really.”

As much as I wanted to stay in her comforting embrace, we were on a clock. At some point I would wake from this dream and be alone in the wilderness again. Before that happened I needed information, I needed a plan.

Fluttershy sat me down in front of her, laying on her belly so we were at the same eye level. She stayed silent, waiting for me to talk.

I wanted to start asking about useful, practical things, but I could feel what she wanted from me. I’m not sure if it was her expression, some quirk of the dream realm, her empathic powers, or just my own guilt but I felt compelled to tell her the truth.

“I-I’m not what I look like,” I rushed to explain, “Or, I suppose I kind of am, but well, I wasn’t always this way, I mean well I remember not being me -”

She mercifully cut me off by putting a hoof over my mouth.

“It's okay, I know you’re scared,” her voice sounded layered, angelic, and I was becoming increasingly convinced that her powers were messing with my perception of her somehow, “Just try and start from the beginning. Luna said she could extend the dream as long as we need.”

The beginning? Well, I suppose I could actually start from the beginning of my existence, since it was a few scant hours ago.

I took a breath, held it, and blew it out slowly. My thoughts started to clear and - wait, what was I doing? I could feel Fluttershy's intent radiating from her and flowing through me and I had to separate it from my own. I didn't want to tell her everything, she wanted me to.

I felt bad about resisting her will, she had no ulterior motive, she just wanted to help me. I wasn't sure how much of that feeling was genuine guilt and how much, if any, was being imposed by her empathic power. Before it could erode my self control entirely I had to change what I believed to fit what I wanted to tell ponies.

Okay. If this was a different universe to the one my human memories came from, then those memories weren't real. They didn't happen to me. They weren't relevant if someone asked me about myself or things that happened to me. My human name wasn't my name, it was the name of the person who experienced those memories, if they existed at all. Ponies were born, they didn't pop into existence fully formed in the middle of nowhere so I must have a past here that I couldn't remember.

This was my truth now. Any doubts I had were just doubts. This was the truth. It was logical, it fit all the facts, I wanted it to be true, it was true.

"I can't remember anything," I explained, "I know a bunch of stuff, but I think most of it is just imaginary. Some of it is real, I know who you are, Fluttershy, element of Kindness, and who Princess Luna is, but when I try to remember my real life there's nothing. It's like I just popped into existence yesterday. That's not something that can happen, right?"

Fluttershy leaned forward and nuzzled me. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief as the pressure of her will lifted.

"Oh you poor thing," she soothed, "You're being very brave."

A sense of elation ran through my body as her praise washed over me and I wanted to curl up in her embrace again and have her stay with me forever. Was that an instinct of this body, or more evidence of her power?

I sighed. It couldn't last. This was a dream. My real body wasn't curled up in Fluttershy's motherly embrace, it was laying on the cold ground, alone and vulnerable.

I turned back to Luna who was watching us with an unreadable expression. I couldn't sense any emotion from her.

"What's the plan?" I asked.

”This river looks to be about one stride across in the dream. Is that correct in reality?” Luna queried.

”One of your strides maybe.” I tried to remember how the river looked in the waking world, “It looks a lot bigger to me.”

"When you wake, you will stay where you are," she instructed, "We will begin a search of the forests surrounding towns and villages with a focus on those with rivers within a day's travel for a filly. To narrow the search further we will investigate reports of recent missing fillies which match your description."

That made sense. It made a lot of sense actually. Assuming I was a filly who wandered into the forest with no supplies I couldn't have gone far. Unless of course I had spontaneously popped into existence in a random place.

I couldn't bring up that fear though. Not without sounding crazy.

"Alright,” I agreed, "How long can I survive without food before I suffer permanent injury?"

Luna looked somewhat taken aback at the bluntness, or perhaps the wording of my question.

"What time of year is it?" I continued, "How cold will it get at night, how likely is a storm? I have no shelter or cold weather gear. What about monsters?"

Luna held up a hoof to silence me.

"Those are all excellent reasons why a filly should not wander into the forest alone," she replied, "but there is little that can be done now save for a swift rescue. Stay where you are. Wave if you see somepony flying overhead.”

“You can see my dreams, right?" I countered, "If I can show you some landmarks you could use them to narrow the search area."

"Do you recall any landmarks?" She asked.

From her tone it was clear that she still didn't fully believe my amnesia story. On this point however I was being completely honest.

"No," I sighed, "the forest is too dense to see anything large enough to appear on a map, but if I can get to higher ground-"

"Nay, your wandering has caused enough trouble." She chided, "You will stay where you are, next to the river and await your rescuers. Moving further will only hinder their efforts."

Her plan was probably the best idea. Assuming I was actually near a town and was going to be located in the next twenty four hours. I wasn't so sure, but I didn't want to argue with Luna. Aggravating my only lifeline didn't seem like a great idea.

"Okay," I conceded, "I'll stay put."

Luna visibly relaxed at that.

"Alright, secondary issue," I continued, "I can't remember how to use magic, can you, I dunno, explain it, or unlock my hidden potential or something?"

"Magic is not something you can forget young one." Luna explained, "Spells can be learned, but magic must be trained. You could no more forget your magic than you could forget to breathe."

I tried to make sense of what was obviously an oversimplified explanation meant for a child. Was magic like a muscle? Or a reflex that could be trained but not learned?

"Alright, bad assumption," I admitted, "Here's the situation. I can't remember anything before today, so I don't know if I've ever been able to do magic, or what using magic feels like, but currently I am either physically or psychologically unable to even get my horn to glow."

"If you are unable to express your magic you may simply be too young." Luna explained, "There are no shortcuts, gaining control of your magic will take patience and practice."

Well, there went my plan to start a fire magically.

"Understood." I stepped away from Fluttershy and bowed to the Princess again, "Thank you for your time."

Standing between the larger pegasus and the much larger alicorn I felt very small and vulnerable. I didn't like it. Fluttershy was still looking at me with great pity but I wasn't sure why.

I had been tall as a human. Tall enough that it was unusual to meet someone significantly taller. Having to look up to someone, aside from my giant of a father, always gave me an irrational sense of unease.





When I awoke I felt far better than I had any right to. I most likely had Luna's dream magic to thank for feeling refreshed and well rested. For the lack of aches and pains from sleeping on the cold hard ground I suppose I could thank the magic of youth. Or perhaps just the magic of being a magical talking pony.

One thing was for sure though, I wasn’t going to sit back and wait for rescue. If I really was in the middle of nowhere I would need to find a way to prove it to Luna without sounding crazy. Grumbling again at my new lack of physical fitness I looked upstream. Climbing was not going to be fun.
> Self-Incrimination
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke with a full bladder and I took care of it. Having different plumbing was a bit odd to be sure, but taking a piss in the forest isn’t exactly rocket science so I managed just fine, thank you very much.

The other ache in my abdomen was the emptiness of hunger, but the sensation had lessened somewhat since yesterday. Fasting for twenty-four hours was something I expected my patients to manage without complaint, it would be hypocritical of me to whine about it so soon.

Rationalizations were fine, but I was still really hungry.





All right, so hear me out. Luna told me to stay by the river and wait for rescue, but that didn’t mean I had to stay put. If I followed the river upstream, I could find higher ground to figure out where I was and still be by the river if anypony actually did find me. It wasn’t lying; it was just creative interpretation.

My lungs burned and my legs ached at the strain of trekking uphill across rocky ground. My endurance still sucked, but accounting for the fact that I was a child that made perfect sense. I brought back my pace a little so I could stay below the aerobic threshold, breathing as deeply as I could with my smaller lungs. As a human adult this level of exertion would have been a steady jog, but as a filly, and traveling uphill, all I could manage was a walk.

The boulders up ahead looked promising. More rocky terrain meant fewer trees. With any luck, I could get a better view. They also presented a problem. Boulder hopping was difficult enough as a human. As a pony I wasn’t sure I’d have the strength and stamina for it. The alternative was to wander away from the river and look for an easier way up. The obvious downside to this was that it would take longer and I wouldn’t be near the river if anypony came looking for me. The third option was to stay put and wait for rescue, but I’d already decided against that this morning so it didn’t require too much thought.

I took a break and drank some more cool water from the river. My coat was... er, coated in a sheen of sweat and I took some time to enjoy my intact, healthy skin that I didn’t have an irresistible urge to tear off with my fingernails. It was a good thing too since I’m not sure how I’d manage that without fingers. I examined one of my hooves. It did have a layer of skin and fur on the underside, but underneath that thin layer was a solid hoof a softer frog on the inside. I wasn’t sure how the skin on the underside of the hoof wasn’t destroyed when it got crushed between the hoof and the ground, all I could say for sure was that it was a lot tougher than human skin. The hoof wasn’t as hard as that of a horse on Earth; it felt more like some kind of cartilage which I could flex slightly with effort, certainly not enough to grab anything though. I knew ponies could grasp things with their hooves so that must be another kind of magic I had yet to learn.

I could remember that mountain goats on Earth had flexible ‘rubber like’ hooves which enabled them to climb rocky terrain, even near vertical slopes. I looked up at the boulders ahead of me. I guess it was time to find out if I was part mountain goat.





I wasn’t.

From my bouldering ability I had determined that even if there had been any mountain goats in my lineage they’d have disowned me out of shame.

As I leaped from one boulder to the next, I’d more than once had my hooves slip on the occasional patch of moss. I’d have some bruises on my chest and sides, but nothing serious. That is until one boulder moved.

I was dripping with sweat, my oversized eyes burned as I struggled to wipe sweat out of them with an even sweatier foreleg. I jumped, and landed. Then the world shifted.

I tried to keep my balance, but I fell. The wind was knocked out of me distracting me just long enough that I didn’t notice until too late that the stone was tipping towards me. I barely had time to flinch, instinctively raising my foreleg in a futile attempt to hold back the massive rock. I squeezed my eyes shut.

Crunch!

The pain hit me like nothing I’d felt before. The spike of pain was so intense that my vision flashed and I may have passed out for a moment. I don’t know how long I was in that state, but after some amount of time the pain reduced to a sharp throb as every part of my body vibrated with energy. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it would explode; my skin felt cold as ice.

At this point I could tell the pain was coming from my right foreleg. I finally opened my eyes, but I couldn’t see my foreleg. It was under the boulder.

If there was ever a time to panic, it would have been then, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. My body was as keyed up as it was possible to be and had no level of panic above this to go to. Instead, all emotions and irrelevant thoughts had disappeared from my mind.

Leg is trapped under rock.

Lift rock?

No, rock too heavy.

Try to move leg, feel it moving. Ouch. Pain.

Not crushed flat? Why?

Oh, can see ground is soft.

Try to pull out leg. Ouch. Leg won’t move.

Not supposed to bend there, bone is broken, sharp inside leg. Ow.

The spike of pain was enough to slow my thoughts somewhat and allowed me to remember my training.

First Aid.

DRSABCDD-BBB

Unable to move from danger, responsive; skip resus, assess blood, burns, breaks.

Am I bleeding? Can’t see.

Removal of crushing object may cause fatal hemorrhage.

Do not remove crushing object, wait for medics.

Don’t trust medics to find me in time, must self-rescue.

Apply tourniquet.

Don’t have one.

Improvise tourniquet.

Unable.

Hitting that dead-end slowed my thoughts even further. Even if I could have made a tourniquet, I didn’t have a way to lift the rock and, even if I wanted to, I had no means of amputating my leg; but maybe I didn’t have to. If I could dig out the dirt underneath my foreleg that should allow me to pull it free. That still left the problem of potential hemorrhage though. I wasn’t sure if I was bleeding at all, but with rescue so far away any serious blood loss would likely be a death sentence. I only had two choices at this point. Lay under this rock and trust they would find me before I died or risk a much faster death by digging myself out.

If I stayed, the shock was going to wear off, the pain would return, and there would be absolutely nothing I could do about it. Call me a coward, but I was afraid and willing to face death.





I dug the hole deeper. It was agonizing work. Touching my leg sent a wave of pain that made the muscles tense, which was even more painful as they pulled on broken bones. When I made progress, it meant the leg was no longer supported by the earth underneath it, which caused it to bend, because I couldn’t hold it up under its own power.

It was with one of these painful spasms that my foreleg finally came free. My vision flashed again as the indescribable pain returned. The next thing I remember is laying on my back, cradling my injured leg against my chest. There were tears streaming down my face as the leg throbbed, but I managed to hold it up long enough to inspect the damage.

The lower leg was bruised and bent out of shape. I could see one fragment of what would have been my radius, if I were human, causing the skin to bulge outwards but thankfully not piercing it. There was some blood but only from superficial cuts and scrapes. It was swollen, but hopefully not swollen enough to restrict blood flow. With no fingers I couldn’t take my radial pulse, but the throbbing in my hoof was a good indication that there was still blood flow.

I cradled the hoof against my chest and found the position that caused the least pain. Then I passed out.





Luna was standing in front of me the moment my dream began; she must have some way to tell when I’m sleeping.

“Princess Luna,” I bowed awkwardly, in the dream realm my body was whole again, but I still felt a phantom pain in my broken leg, “Uh, hi.”

Luna gave me the same neutral expression she had at the end of our last conversation. Clearly she was hiding how she felt about this situation, but beyond that I couldn’t see anything. Her poker face was too good.

“Young filly, we shall give you a chance to be honest with us.” Luna said flatly, “If thou art truthful in thy words we will not be mad with thee.”

If her increasing use of muddled middle English was any indication on how strongly she felt about the situation, she either really pissed or... something else.

I still had no idea what secret she thought she knew about me, but with my new outlook on the situation I didn’t have to lie. This was my body, this had always been my body, my human memories happened to the original, not to me. I wasn’t sure if the original was real, so describing it as imaginary wouldn’t be a lie.

Perhaps this was about a more recent lie though. I knew she could vaguely track my distance from her in the dream realm. So maybe she just knew that I hadn’t stayed in one spot like I promised.

“So, uh,” I began sheepishly, “Remember how you told me to stay by the river?”

Luna kept her face neutral while she expertly raised one eyebrow.

“We hath told thee to cease thy wandering.” She corrected.

“Er, yeah,” I conceded, “So that may not have gone entirely as we planned.”

Luna opened her mouth to speak, and I flinched at what I expected to be the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Seeing this Luna sighed, her blank expression dropped and - was that guilt? She walked towards me and I reflexively stepped back to keep a comfortable distance. Internally I kicked myself, the look of hurt that briefly flashed across her face confirmed she had taken it the wrong way.

“I’m sorry!” I squeaked (seriously, even in the dream realm my voice squeaks?), “I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m just not comfortable around pe-ponies that are taller than me.”

Hopefully tha- OH GOD WHAT DID I JUST SAY! Crap crap crap crap.

Seeing my look of panic, Luna’s horn glowed. She was getting ready to leave.

“Wait, don’t go!” I called out urgently, “I need -”

While I was talking Luna’s form had shifted to that of a blue alicorn filly no taller than I was. She cut me off by pressing a hoof to my mouth, smiling sadly at me.



“Please, be at ease,” She reassured, “I will not abandon thee. I’m sorry to have scared you.”

She sat down on her haunches in front of me. My god she was so adorable I just wanted to hug her. You know, she would probably let me - No, focus. Important stuff first, once in a lifetime chance to hug Woona later.

“Look, I’m sorry,” I tried to put on a more serious tone with my tiny, high-pitched voice, “I didn’t mean to cause you so much trouble, but, well, I made a mistake.”

“It’s okay,” she reassured, “I’m not angry with you, just tell me what happened.”

“I was worried you wouldn’t be able to find me,” I explained, “So I was trying to get to higher ground to find a view where I could see some landmarks - I stayed by the river in case you did find me - but I kinda, broke my leg.”

The expression of shocked concern on Woona’s face was absolutely devastating.

“No, wait, don’t worry!” I rushed out, “It’s not life threatening or anything, it’s a simple fracture, nothing broke the skin, feels like both bones in the foreleg fractured transversely? Could be wrong though. It’s really lucky actually, with a crush injury like that I was expecting multiple fractures. I’ll be fine, just uh... try to get here soon ok?”

I gave a pained smile and tactfully didn’t mention the part where I had thought I would bleed out. My reassurances seemed to have the opposite of the intended effect.

“Thou hast received injuries like these before?” she asked in shock.

“Well, once-” I started, “uh, well I mean I can’t remember if it’s happened to me -”

Woona leaned forward and hugged me, and I hugged her back. Her grip trembled with emotion.

“Please,” she implored, “Please trust us, we know not who has caused you such fear, but you must believe us when we say there is nothing you could tell us that would make us abandon thee.”

I sighed, “Look, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad I -”

There was an earthquake in the dream realm.

“What’s going on?” I asked urgently.

Luna’s mask of non-expression had returned, and it looked adorably out of place on little Woona’s body.

“Something is happening in the real world, you’re waking up.” She informed, “Have faith my little pony, we will find you.”





As I was dragged helplessly from the soothing land of dreams to the pain-addled semi-lucid hell-scape that was the closest approximation of awake I could manage at the moment, I just wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. So I did.

Three timberwolves were circling around me. You know what? I give up. If the world wanted me to die that badly, so be it. I was too tired to fight, too tired to even open my eyes fully. Death would be a relief at this point.

“I-is she dead?” Squeaked one of the timberwolves.

“O’ ‘course not!” replied another, “She’s still breathin’, but she’s hurt bad!”

If timberwolves could talk, maybe they could be reasoned with.

“Please!” I sobbed, “Please don’t hurt me! I don’t wanna die. I-”

My thoughts were muddled, and I hissed in pain as my leg throbbed. The swelling had increased; it hurt to move the joint; it hurt when air blew over it the swollen mass.

The timberwolves had backed off for the moment and were whispering amongst themselves. All right, while there were distracted, now was my chance. I had to escape. I tried to crawl but gave up almost immediately when my injured leg dragged along the ground. It was all I could do to stifle the scream of agony. Taking a couple deep breaths I managed to stand on three hooves, my injured leg curled against my barrel. I had barely started hobbling away when the strangely colorful timberwolves were upon me again.

“Hey, wait!” The blurry orange timberwolf called out to me in a raspy voice, “We’re not gonna hurt you! We came to rescue you!”

“It’s true,” The blurry white timberwolf added, “We snuck out to join the search so we could get our cuite marks in search and rescue!”

“Impossible!” I spat, “Timberwolves don’t get cutie marks!”

The timberwolves froze in place, stunned by my flawless logic.

I kept hobbling away from them, but it wasn’t long before they had me surrounded again. They were just too fast for me.

“Hey, uh, lost filly, whatever yer’ name is,” The yellow one spoke now, “No offense, but ‘yer not blind or nuthin’ are ya?”

It took me a moment to process that.

“What?” I answered, “No. Why?”

The orange one did some kind of acrobatic flip and landed in front of me, grabbing my muzzle between her strangely hard paws.

“Then open up your eyes!” She exclaimed, “We’re not timberwolves!”

I cracked my eyes open and now it was my turn to freeze in shock. Scootaloo was working with the timberwolves!

Wait.

Oh.

Ohhhhhh.

I would have facehoofed if my only working foreleg wasn’t required for me to stand. I felt faint and sat back on my haunches. I took more deep breaths and tried to clear my mind a bit. The pain in my leg was impossible to ignore.

“I’m sorry I thought y’all were timberwolves,” I was so tired my words were coming out slurred, “‘am ‘jus, not ‘sactly thinkin’ straight, y’know? I din’ mean ta’ say y’weren’t gonna get ‘yer cutiemarks, thas’ just mean.”

“Uh, that’s okay,” Sweetie Belle said uncertainly, glancing at the other two Crusaders.

“In fact, I know y’all’ll get yer marks,” I slurred, everything was kinda spinny and dizzying, “What season are we in now?”

“Spring?” Applebloom offered, “How long have ya been out here ta’ ferget what season it is?”

“Nah, not that kind of season. Look season five you all get your cuite marks,” I winked conspiratorially, “but keep that a secret okay, I’ve already said too much.”

I didn’t have the coordination with this body’s facial muscles to wink so it was more of a conspiratorial blink.

“Ooookay then!” Scootaloo snarked, circling a hoof around her ear in the universal ‘this pony is crazy’ gesture.

“Hey, that’s not nice!” Applebloom clipped her in the back of the head with a hoof.

Scootaloo turned on her angrily.

“Hey!”

“Girls!” Sweetie yelled, drawing their attention away from their spat. “We need to get back, it’s going to get dark soon!”

“All right Crusaders,” Apple Bloom called out, “In tha’ filly guides they told us if somepony gets injured that one pony stays with them and the other two go to get help.”

“Hey, I’m not crippled you know!” I interjected.

They all looked at my broken leg.

“That doesn’t count, I still have three perfectly good legs,” I argued, “Now which way is Ponyville?”

The Crusaders looked at me uncertainly.

“What?” I asked, offended.





Once I had my mind set on a goal, it was as simple as putting one hoof ahead of the other. I could ignore pain, I could ignore everything and just focus on the task. I couldn’t give up, not when I told them I could do it, otherwise I’d be weak and pathetic.

It became a kind of trance. I honestly don’t remember much of it. I think they were talking about me, but I didn’t have the energy to listen. I stumbled a few times, but managed to get back up. At one point they might have tried carrying me, but if they did, I managed to push them off.

It wasn’t until we broke the treeline that I stumbled and fell, and couldn’t make myself get up again. I tried, but I was dizzy and my muscles were so weak.

“You kids go on ahead,” I instructed, “I’ll catch up, I just need to catch my breath.”

I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them the Crusaders had a cart and I was in no fit state to argue when they forcibly loaded me into it.

I regained consciousness briefly when someone twisted my broken leg, but I couldn’t manage more than a whimper; The pony responsible was wearing surgical scrubs and looked appropriately apologetic.

I can’t remember anything after that, probably from the anesthetic side effects.





When I awoke, I was in a bed and there were technicolor ponies surrounding me. I felt disconnected, like I was viewing things from behind my own eyes. I was shivering, but I didn't feel cold, I just felt numb, and floaty.

"Are you all right?" asked one of the ponies, "Do you have any pain?"

I heard the question, but it didn't really sink in. Instead, I just said what was on my mind.

"H-how d-did I g-get he-re?" I managed to ask through chattering teeth. The shivers in my body were getting worse.

I drifted off for a second and suddenly ponies were packing heated blankets around my body. The warmth felt amazing, and I started to drift off again when one of the ponies spoke.

"Don't worry, you're safe here," he said in a practiced, reassuring tone, "What you're feeling is a normal reaction to the anesthetic. Just rest now, let us know if you're in pain or you feel like you're going to throw up."

I smiled dopily. It was funny to be on the other side of this for once.

Wait. No. There was something important I was forgetting.

"I know where I am, it's just, how did I get here, ya know?" I asked again, "It doesn't make any sense."

"You were in the forest, you broke your foreleg and were brought here to Ponyville General so we could fix it." The pony explained.

"No!" I was exasperated now, "Not like, here, like here, ya know? One moment this guy tells me he's going to 'make me a mare' and the next I'm in the forest. Do I look like a mare to you? Nah, I'm just a little filly so what's he playing at?"

The horrified expressions of the ponies were confusing to me.

"Did I say something wrong?" I asked groggily.

Nah, it probably wasn't important. I slipped back into the tempting embrace of sleep.
> Supplemental: Patient Notes 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

*GREEN* (F)
MRN: 132719
Admitted: 12/5/04
Red Cross, M.D.

12/5/04 19:52
Unicorn Filly, name ukn, age ukn, assumed 8-10y/o, presenting to emergency with reduced LOC (GCS:9), lower RFL hematoma; gross deformity ?#, superficial cuts and bruises.

V: 
Febrile 100.7F
HR 102
BP 97/42
sats 98% on RA
BGL: 4.3
Ht: 2’3”
Wt: 52lb

N:
Rousable to pain
Speech slurred and incoherent
Pupils 30mm, equal and reactive
Non-compliant with hoof grip assessment
Nil facial droop, good strength in all limbs

C:
EKG no anomalies
Peripheral pulses strong
Severe hematoma lower RFL
Capillary refill <1s
IVC in situ lower LFL; 80mL/hr NS; patent and secure

R:
RR 22
98% on RA
Regular and unlaboured
Lung sounds clear

GI:
All teeth intact
Bowel sounds normal
Nil distension or masses on abdo palpation
BNO
NBM

GU:
Has not voided
Bladder not distended on palpation
Nil external signs of sexual trauma

M:
Gross deformity ?# lower RFL
Muscle strength normal

I:
Multiple superficial lesions (see body chart)
Coat appears healthy
Nil signs of healed injuries
Skin hot and sweaty

P:
Ukn

Hx: witnesses report Green was found injured and unconscious in the Everfree Forest. Witnesses report Green became confused and disoriented upon waking. Witness states “she thought we were timberwolves” and reports that Green was initially resistant until she could be reoriented. Witness states that Green “limped about ten miles” before collapsing. Nil Medical Hx as patient is unidentified.



CTB for urgent review

CXR, RFLXR, Dental XR for age estimation

CRP, CBC, EUC, LFT, Tox Screen, INR, XM

Cath for Urine Sample, UA, UDS, UCx

Place tracking spell for absconsion risk

NBM for surgery

For Ortho review

For Neuro review

For Social Worker review


Dr Red Cross, M.D.
> Delirium
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke to a beeping sound. Oh right, I was in the hospital. I climbed out of bed, looking at my leg cast with disdain. Ugh, that was just great. I felt nauseated and had to stand still for a few seconds to settle my stomach. I couldn’t even remember which hospital I was in.

I smoothed out the patient's bed I had been napping on as best I could with one hoof. Wait, hoof? Oh right, I was a pony now. My name was Green - that’s what they’ve been calling me. I looked around for my clipboard, which would have the handover sheet with my notes so I could remember what the heck was going on, but gave up when I heard another beep. I sighed. Why can’t they just answer patient calls, they must know I’m on my break. I walked out into the hall, squinting as my eyes struggled to adjust to the brighter lights, my eyes hurt.

I saw the call light above a patient room and knocked softly before entering. I grumbled for a moment about not knowing how to answer the call light in this facility, but such was life when you were working for an agency.

"Hi," I greeted, "My name is Green, I'm one of the nurses looking after you tonight, did you need some help?"

A red stallion with both his forelegs in plaster looked at me and smiled.

"I think you're a little young to be a nurse sweetie." The stallion condescended.

I gave him a stern expression.

"Aren't you the cutest lil' thing!" He exclaimed, "Are you lost?"

Ugh, I was too tired for this crap.

"Sir, please don't refer to me or my colleagues with that type of language, it's disrespectful." I explained curtly, "We are professionals. We treat you with respect and we would ask that you give us the same courtesy."

The patient looked appropriately contrite, but also very confused. Maybe I should check his mental state?

"Green!" There was a stern voice from behind me, "What are you doing?"

I cocked my head to the side in confusion and followed the other nurse out into the hallway.

"Green," The blue nurse scolded, "I know you're trying to help, but you can't go in other patient's rooms, okay?"

"Geeze, all right," I rolled my eyes, "It's not like I'm trying to steal your patients. Have you seen my handover sheet? I can't find it anywhere."

The pink Pegasus at the nurses' station covered her mouth with a wing before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"Oh Celestia!" She exclaimed, "That's so adorable!"

"Please don't encourage her." The blue Unicorn had broken eye contact and was clearly suppressing the urge to smile.

"All right Greenie," The pink Pegasus said in a bubbly voice, "Let's get you back to bed and you can worry about all that in the morning, okay?"

The pink Pegasus burst forward with a small flap of her wings and I had the sudden fear that she would crash into me, she was so much bigger than me, I’d be crushed. I leaped away - and smacked my cast into the wall.

Pain erupted from my leg. I let out a short scream of pain before I managed to force my mouth closed. I squeezed tight my eyes and I could feel tears forming.

It will pass. Focus. Breathe.

"Oh my gosh," The nurse exclaimed, "Are you okay?"

"I'll live." I tried to keep my voice even. I failed and had to choke back a sob.

It took three long, shuddering breath cycles before the pain reduced to a level where I could relax enough to open my eyes.

Two enormous eyes filled my vision, staring at me. I jerked my head back, quickly getting to my hooves - and smashing my head into the handrail on the wall. There was an audible thunk, but it didn't really hurt at all, at least not compared to my leg. I heard a gasp of shocked concern from the nurse.

"I'm okay!" I said automatically, "Sorry, I'm just a bit clumsy tonight. Ugh, so tired. Can you watch my patients for a moment while I get some coffee?"

The world was tinted blue, and she gently lifted me into the air. It didn't feel like I was falling, or being lifted by anything. I was more like floating in pleasantly warm, but fizzy water. I could feel the concern and reassurance of the Unicorn flowing through the magic she was using to lift me.

When she tucked me into bed, I could barely keep my eyes open.

"I'm jus' gonna res' my eyes for a momen'." I mumbled, "Wake me if anything happens, okay?"

I yawned.

"Just get some rest." She said in a soothing tone, "We'll take care of everything."

"You guys are awesome..." I drifted off before I even finished the sentence.
> Supplemental: Patient Notes 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

*GREEN* (F)
MRN: 132719
Admitted: 12/5/04
Red Cross, M.D.


12/5/04 23:45
Patient received in post op recovery at 2330 following Managuided Closed-Field Relocation and Internal Fixation of RFL #.

All obs in normal range.
Shivering ++ but normothermic.
RFL plaster cast in situ.

Patient rousable by voice, confusion and disorientation apparent. Patient reoriented.

Patient states that she remembers a "guy" telling her that he was going to "make me a mare" before being left alone in the forest. See hospital internal incident report #1357032 and interagency mandatory reporting tool report #F3479-432 for followup.

Nil pain or distress noted. Patient is resting comfortably ATOR.
Goodcheer, RN PACU

13/5/04 00:30
Patient transferred to ward.
Patient rousable to voice, remains confused and disoriented.
Non-compliant with hoof grip assessment, all other RFL vas obs normal.
IDC in situ and draining well, for removal mane as per Dr Stone
Cloudy Skies, RN

13/5/04 06:42
Post op obs completed, nil abnormalities.

Patient slept soundly overnight and was cooperative with care. Patient alert and pleasantly confused this morning, somewhat oriented but remains vague.

Patient aware of her disorientation and responded to queries by reading her ID bracelet. Green is very impressionable and when introduced to nursing staff claimed she was also a nurse.

IDC removed, tip sighted; awaiting void post removal.

Patient denies pain ATOR.
Cloudy Skies, RN

13/5/04 08:37
Patient appears anxious and requests assistance will all ADLs. Assisted patient with toileting (PUIT) and shower. Patient cries and states “I’m sorry for being so useless, I’m wasting all your time.”

Reassured patient and returned patient to bed.

Patient ate all breakfast items, requested assistance claiming she didn’t know how to use cutlery. Patient returned to sleep after breakfast.
Redheart, RN

13/5/04 11:25
Woke patient for interview with Lunar guards, Social Worker and myself in attendance.

Green reports that her name is Green (read from her ID bracelet) and answers all other questions about her life and family with “I can’t remember”, additionally stating “Maybe I wasn’t even alive then”.

When questioned about being touched inappropriately Green became distressed and denied emphatically that such a thing could ever happen. Patient was asked why she was crying and stated “You all have the wrong idea and I can’t fix it.”, “If I tell the truth you’ll all think I’m crazy.”, and “None of this is real anyway.”

Further questioning is to be postponed until Green’s mental state improves as per social worker.
Redheart, RN

13/5/04 11:32
Attended interview of Patient by Lunar guard. Interview was terminated by myself after it became apparent that Green could not answer questions in her current mental state and was becoming distressed by the subject matter.

Full report: #548596

Not to have visitors without prior approval.
Dayglow, Social Worker

13/5/04 12:14
Miss Green referred to me by Dr Red Cross.

CTB results noted and concur with report findings, nil abnormalities. 

Continue with neurological observations qShift
Monitor any behavioral changes
Withhold regular Morphine, to be given PRN only.
Will review patient tomorrow
Dr Azure Light, Neurologist

13/5/04 15:48
Regular morphine withheld as per Dr Azure Light, patient denies pain ATOR.

Green seems hesitant to speak and STML is apparent; green claims she cannot remember speaking with Lunar guards when queried. Patient claims to have seen me “years ago” but I have not met Green before today; indicates disorientation to time and pony.

Patient resting in bed ATOR.
Redheart, RN

13/5/04 23:35
Observed patient to be resting in bed throughout shift.

Care provided as per care plan.

Patient complained of pain and PRN morphine given.

Patient asleep ATOR.
Tenderheart, RN

14/5/04 06:32
Patient observed to be sleeping for long periods overnight.

Care provided as per care plan, obs stable.

At about 0330 Green was found to have wandered into another patient’s room and introduced herself as the patient’s nurse. Green appears to have imprinted on nurses as her herd and is imitating things she has heard nursing staff say and do in an attempt to integrate herself with the group.

Green startles easily to unexpected physical contact and struck her RFL against the wall when approached by RN to return her to bed. Patient denies pain/injury but appears teary. Patient states “I’m so tired”.

Returned patient to bed by levitation, patient remains asleep ATOR.
Cloudy Skies, RN
> The Hoof that Feeds You
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I could hear a commotion the moment I came onto the ward. I dropped my bag against the wall and walked straight towards it. There was an elderly man in a patient gown brandishing a fork and yelling obscenities while a nurse attempted to talk him down. A couple more nurses were watching in case they needed to intervene and I approached one of them.

"Has the duress call gone out?" I asked.

"Yep," she responded. "Security is on their way."

"What's his name?" I asked.

"Winters."

We both winced as Mr. Winters lunged forward and nearly lost his balance when the nurse stepped out of his reach. The last thing we wanted was for him to fall and break his hip.

"Mr. Winters!" I called out in a friendly tone. "What's going on mate?"

I kept my body language open and carefree, as I walked towards him. He was confused and thought everyone was against him, so I had to change his mind by acting completely different to how he was expecting. He likely had dementia so if I could just distract him for long enough he would forget that he was angry. Hopefully. Otherwise, he was going to end up being tackled by five people and injected with sedatives.

"Are ya feeling a bit hungry, mate?" I asked with a smile, walking closer but staying aware of his reach.

"No!" He yelled.

"Well then, what's the fork for?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm leaving!" He yelled, waving the fork.

"Were you planning on making off with the silverware then?" I continued, still smiling broadly.

He mumbled something unintelligible.

"Look mate I don't know what's happened before, I just heard yelling and I've come to help you," I explained, more seriously. "Why don't you tell me what's going on and I'll help you out, hmm?"

"These people are trying to kill me!" He said urgently.

"Mmm, that sounds serious," I responded, grabbing his wrist where he was holding the fork. "Let's go somewhere we can talk. Hey, can I borrow this?"

I eased the fork out of his hand and put it in my pocket. Mr. Winters sized me up for a moment before deciding either that he could trust me, or that I was big enough that he had no chance of overpowering me, and he allowed me to lead him back to his room.

I looked over at one of the other nurses and gave a questioning look. She tried to hold up fingers to indicate what room the patient was in, but was confused when she realized that she had hooves.

The patient knocked me to the floor and with my foreleg in a cast I was having trouble getting up again. He ran towards the pink pegasus nurse and jumped on top of her, forcing her to the ground. She was calling out for me to help her, but she was so far away, and I was so small and slow. I yelled at him, tried to get his attention, but my voice, which had been deep and commanding, was now weak and scratchy.

"You leave her alone!" I squeaked. "Get back here and face me!"

It was all my fault! I should have just waited for security.

"Please stop!" I sobbed. "You're hurting her!"

There was a flash of blue and Luna appeared, but the moment I saw her I realized I was dreaming. The dreamscape promptly collapsed, leaving me laying in a soft bed, the familiar sounds of a hospital ward softly but insistently intruding on my consciousness.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god none of that was real. I brought up one of my hooves and inspected it in the dim light. Well, almost none of it. I was still a pony.





There was a glass of water on the table at my bedside. I stared at it intently, willing it to levitate into the air, but nothing happened. Sighing, I moved to pick it up. Ah, right. No hands.

I'd managed well enough up to that point by either picking things up in my mouth or by grasping them between my forehooves. With my right foreleg in a cast that wasn't going to work.

I'd seen ponies pick things up with one hoof, probably using some kind of magic. Even a foal could do that, right? I pressed my hoof to the glass and only succeeded in nudging it along the table.

I briefly considered trying to grab it in my teeth and rest it on the flat of my hoof, but my coordination with this body wasn't the best so I'd probably just end up spilling water all over myself.

I threw my head back into the pillow in frustration, glaring up at the ceiling. I was so pathetic and helpless. Eventually, my thirst won out over my embarrassment and I pressed the nurse call button.

About five minutes later a white earth pony mare pulled back the curtain. She had a practiced smile on her face, but everything else about her body language indicated she was stressed and in a hurry.

"Hi, my name is Nurse Redheart," She said in the slightly sing-song voice used for talking to young children. "Did you need some help?"

"Sorry to bother you, but I'm having trouble holding the glass," I explained. "Could you hold it for me?"

Redheart poorly suppressed an eye roll and her smile faltered almost imperceptibly as she moved to pick up the glass.

"Thank you," I squeaked, too embarrassed to make eye contact.

Despite her earlier annoyance at being asked to help with something I should obviously have been able to do myself, she was very gentle, carefully sitting me up with a fetlock around my shoulders before bringing the glass to my mouth and tilting it just enough that I could sip from it without pouring it into my mouth.

She must have thought I was looking for attention by pretending to be helpless. Little did she know I actually was completely helpless, otherwise I'd rather saw my own arm off than ask for help. Unfortunately, I didn't have an arm or a saw, and even if I did, I wouldn't have been able to hold the saw due to the aforementioned helplessness.

"All right, while I'm here I'm going to check on your leg," She instructed. "Lift your right foreleg."

I did as instructed, raising up my cast.

"Do you feel any pain, numbness or pins and needles in your hoof?" She asked. "Can you feel me touching your frog?"

"Sensation is normal," I replied. "I can feel you touching just fine."

I tactfully avoided pointing out that she should have asked me to look away during the sensation test so I couldn't see when she was touching my hoof.

"All right," she said. "Now I want you to hold my hoof as hard as you can."

She pressed her hoof against my much smaller hoof and then pulled it away.

"All right, let's try this again," she said. "When I pull my hoof away from yours I want you to hold on to it as hard as you can."

She placed her hoof against mine and pulled it away. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to use the hoof magic that allowed ponies to pick things up with their otherwise flat hooves.

"I can't do it," I admitted. "I don't know how."

She couldn't suppress a sigh. She took my other forehoof and pressed it against hers.

"All right, same deal," she explained. "hold on as hard as you can."

She pulled her hoof away with no effort.

"I told you I don't know how," I tried to explain.

"Look, please don't joke about this, it's very serious," She frowned. "If you lose grip in your injured leg, it could mean that your thaumic pathways are damaged. If they are, you'll need more emergency surgery right away or you might never be able to use that hoof again, understand?"

"I'm telling the truth, all right?" I was getting exasperated too by this point, "I don't know how to grip things with my hooves, I can't remember anything since -"

I trailed off when I realized that I couldn't remember how long it had been since I was in the forest. I could remember I got hurt, and then the Crusaders found me and we went back to Ponyville. Something about a hospital where they wanted me to work as a nurse for some reason, even though I was a pony. Probably dreamed that part though.

Well if this world was at all sane that part couldn't have been real could it?

Since I had stopped talking, Redheart had been looking at me with pity, but not surprise. Which meant - no, it wasn't a logical deduction, it was more of a feeling.

"We've had this conversation before," I sighed. "Haven't we?"

She smiled. I had guessed right.

"Yes," she replied, a slight undertone of excitement in her voice, "We didn't get far though since you were having trouble remembering things. Can you tell me your name and date of birth?"

I had my human memories of course, but that wasn't what she was asking. In this new world, in this new body, I didn't really have either. Well in my dream they called me 'Green', which I guess is a fine pony name, or at least half of one.

"My name is Green and, uh," I looked for an ID band only to find Redheart was covering it with her hoof.

"Ah," she said playfully, "No cheating."

I sighed again. "I can't remember, everything before I was in the forest is just blank."

The nurse's excitement deflated somewhat.

"Can you tell me where we are right now?" she asked.

"In Ponyville," I responded immediately. "In a hospital."

"Which hospital?" she prompted.

"I can't remember, but it says Ponyville General on your hat so that would be my first guess," I snarked.

She blushed slightly and glanced around the room.

"To save you the trouble, there aren't any clocks on the wall, you are wearing a fob watch but I can't read it from this distance unless you stand very still." I cut in before she could ask the next question. "I don't know what time it is specifically, but it looks like it's early morning. I don't know the date or year, but from how clean and white my cast looks it can't have been more than a few days since I got here."

Redheart blinked. "Ooookay then," she said, rolling her eyes.

The sense of giddy excitement I had was sucked away like a riptide.

Idiot! You're acting like an arrogant prick, trying to 'score points' by proving how smart you are. She's been nothing but kind and you're treating her like she's an idiot!

I felt tears welling in my eyes. Ugh, stupid oversize child tear ducts.

She's going to hate me now, and I'll never fit in and I'll be all alone and - and -

"Green!" I heard a voice calling my name, but it was far away.

They were all going to hate me!

Somepony was touching my withers, but my skin felt cold and numb. I noticed my breaths were coming in short gasps.

"Pl-ease d-on't h-ate me!" I gasped out.

"Green," her voice was commanding, but not aggressive, I felt as she gave my withers a sharp squeeze, "Hey, Green, stay with me, breathe. You're going to get through this."

It all came together at that moment, but the realization didn't help at all. I was having another panic attack. I was so weak, so useless. This body, my body, ugh!

"I-I'm s-sorry," I managed to say. "It's just- just a panic attack. You can go help someone else, I'll be fine."

Please leave. Please let me have a chance to get my emotions back under control. I don't want anyone to see me like this. It hurts. It hurts in my chest.

"Shhhh," she whispered kindly. "Everything is going to be all right. I don't hate you. You're safe here. Nopony is going to hurt you again."



At some point, Redheart had picked up a brush, and she started brushing my coat while I lay prone on the bed. And I cried. I'm not sure why, but having my coat brushed was really calming. Must be a horse thing. Or maybe another hoof magic thing since she was an earth pony. While my body was getting more relaxed now, my mind kept right on hammering me.

I wanted to just dissolve into the mattress, anything to hide my shame. Not only did I cry at the drop of a hat, but my emotional control was also completely shot. I was stuck in this broken, useless body and everything and everyone I knew was just gone! It wasn't even that they were taken from me, they were never even mine in the first place. I had no control over anything, even my own body betrayed me. It wasn't fair!

Oh great, and now I sound like a whiney foal in my own head too.

Of course life wasn't fair. I fell back on familiar reasoning to calm myself. Fairness was just an abstract concept invented by people. Life wasn't inherently fair, it wasn't kind, nor was it malicious, it just was. The only fairness in life came from people exerting their will to make it so. The only kindness to be found was that which was in your power to grant to others, and that which others could grant to you. Life doesn't have meaning, people give life meaning.

I tried to focus on the words Redheart had spoken to me. Everything was going to be all right. Nopony hated me. I was safe here. Nopony would hurt me again... wait again?

I felt my stomach drop. Nurse Redheart had noticed my sudden tension and hesitated for a moment.

"I, uh," I swallowed. "I didn't say anything weird while I was out of it, did I?"

Patients had told me some truly bizarre and sometimes worrying things while recovering from anesthetic.

"Why do you ask?" Redheart was poorly faking a casual tone, which all but confirmed by fears.

"You said nopony will hurt me again," I echoed. "But this was all my fault. My leg was crushed by a big rock falling on it. I don't want anypony to get the wrong idea."

Redheart's shoulders slumped, and she looked defeated. I could tell from the way her foreleg twitched that she wanted to hug me, but wasn't sure if it would be appropriate.

"Green, you know you can tell us anything, right?" Redheart encouraged. "Even things that other ponies might have told you to keep secret? I promise, whatever you tell us, you won't get in trouble."

Oh god, is that what they thought about me? What on Earth did I say?

"What did I say?" I asked.

"Green, I'm not sure if -" She began.

"Just tell me what I said to make you think I'm a- to make you think somepony hurt me and I'll explain what I actually meant."

Redheart put the brush down and looked me in the eye seriously.

"I know you're very smart, Green," Nurse Redheart said carefully. "You soak up information like a sponge. Two days you've been here and you've already picked up enough medical words to sound like a little nurse."

I facehoofed at that. Ow. Hooves are hard.

For a second the nurse looked horrified, her muscles tensed. I realized that she was preparing to grab me and stop me from self-harming. I sighed and would have pinched the bridge of my nose if I'd had fingers. I put my hoof back on the bed and after a moment she continued speaking.

"When I tell you what you said, you'll be able to come up with a clever little story to explain it away, but it wouldn't be the truth, would it?"

I was taken aback by that.

"You're a clever little filly, but I'm not as dumb as you seem to think," Redheart said. "You've told me you can't remember anything at all, if that were true, you wouldn't be able to tell me what happened one way or the other."

I was trapped. I was starting to feel tightness in my chest again.

Nurse Redheart had taken up the brush and continued with her ministrations. She was just about finished with my coat, or at least as much of it as she could see with me laying prone.

"It's all right, Green," she soothed, "I'm not here to interrogate you. You don't need to make up excuses. You don't have to say anything right now, but whenever you're ready to talk about it, I promise, nopony will judge you."

I lay there in silence as she finished up and walked out of the room.

"Was there anything else you needed before I go?" She asked with her hoof on the doorframe.

"No, thank you," I said, embarrassed. "I'm sorry to cause you so much trouble."

The nurse sighed. "You're not causing trouble, Green. You just needed some help, and that's what we're here for."

"Wait, actually-" I called out as she turned to leave.

"Yes?" She asked.

"A straw."

She gave a slight head tilt.

"So you don't have to hold the glass for me," I explained.
> Bonus Content 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

First Scene written by Blaflaix


Search and Rescue​


Scootaloo wasn't having fun anymore.

The plan had started out the same way all their plans did, with high hopes.
Venture into the forest.
Be awesome.
Gain cutie marks.
Profit!

Once they got into the forest, it was more daunting.
They could look for years, go right past her, and never notice.

Actually finding the lost filly had been doused their spirits thoroughly.
Seeing her limp and broken on the rocks like a busted doll... Scootaloo had been very relieved when she woke up.
Seeing her lurching around and, well, delusional, had removed a lot of that relief and shifted right back to worried.

All in all, it had driven home that the "rescue" in "search and rescue" implied that someone was having an absolutely horrible day.
Scootaloo didn't want a search and rescue cutie mark anymore.
She didn't want her special talent to center around other ponies misfortune.

The journey back was grueling.
Scootaloo wished they had gone with the original idea, she could've run back at top speed and for once she would've been delighted to have the adults take over.

Instead they ended trying to both navigate the way back, and also watch her stumble over every root.
Really, who'd decided to put so many roots in a forest?
None of them were quite strong enough to catch her, but they couldn't let her just fall...
The absolute worst part were the whimpers, Scootaloo didn't think she even realized she was making them, but every one made them all cringe, like they were the ones in pain.
They were worn to an absolute frazzle by the time they made it out of the forest.

It was a huge relief to see the adults rushing off with her to the hospital.
Like a huge burden, much heavier than a filly, had be taken off their backs.

It was only then that Scootaloo realized they had succeeded.
There was somebody in trouble, they had gone out to help, and they had.
As miserable as it was that she needed help, it was much better that they had been there to help than not.
She didn't even care if they got grounded.
Maybe being search and rescue wasn't so bad?

Second Scene, written by Chancellor


Imitation​


"It doesn't surprise me she's imitating us," Tenderheart said quietly as she munched on her daffodil sandwich. Both she and Redheart were in the staff room eating lunch.

"How so?" Redheart asked, curious.

"We're probably the only ponies who've been kind to her, so she's probably trying to... mimic us, in order to fit in."

Her colleague fell silent at that, slowly chewing at her food.

It broke the nurse's heart to know that there were creatures, or maybe even ponies, cruel enough to take advantage of such a young filly. It repulsed, to think they went against the nature of Harmony like that.

If she had her way, those responsible would be locked up in Tartarus with the key thrown out, but that was a matter for the Royal Guard. All Ponyville Clinic could do currently was make sure Green felt at ease and comfortable until proper, true healing could begin.

"Well, let's get done with it," Redheart said, finished with her meal. It was time to do her rounds.
> Activities of Daily Living
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nurse Redheart returned after a while. Maybe half an hour? I still didn't have a clock. She had a drinking straw in her mouth, thankfully it was in a wrapper. She deftly unwrapped it with her hooves, and it finally sank in for me just how crippling my lack of magic was. Losing hoof magic for a pony was the human equivalent of being a double amputee-

Relax, breathe. This is temporary. I'll figure out how to use my hooves eventually.

I opened my eyes and Redheart was waiting silently for me to finish my breathing exercise. No doubt she knew what I was doing.

"Are you feeling better, Green?" She asked after a moment.

I nodded.

"Do you have any pain in your leg this morning?" She had returned to the script.

There was an ache in my leg, and when I moved it, a bit of pain.

"No," I responded, shaking my head. "No pain."

The last thing I wanted was to take more painkillers, my mind was just starting to clear up.

"Did you need to go to the bathroom before breakfast?" The Nurse asked.

For a moment I was surprised by the question, just how young was I supposed to be? Then it hit me; with no hoof magic, I wouldn't even be able to clean myself after using the bathroom.

My hind legs twitched as I realized I was going to need help with that quite urgently.

I nodded again.

"Did you need some help?" She asked.

"Uh," I squeaked. "Yes, thank you."

It wasn't as embarrassing for me as you might imagine, after all, I'd helped hundreds of patients with this sort of thing.

I hobbled as quickly as I could without risking tripping over my cast. Which wasn't very fast. I'd have preferred to walk at a more dignified pace, but I wasn't keen on testing the limits of this new body's continence.

The bathroom differed from a human bathroom but pretty much in line with what I was expecting. The toilet was a 'squat' style toilet, basically, a trough in the middle of the floor with a raised half dome covering the end which the Nurse had indicated was the front as she guided me to stand over the trough. I had to spread my legs almost uncomfortably wide and Redheart kept a hoof under my barrel for a moment just to make sure I didn't slip and have my hooves go out from under me. Clearly, the toilet was sized for an adult pony rather than a filly my size.

I was meaning to wait until she left the room, but when she half turned her back and made a show of pretending not to be watching me I knew she was going to stay. I mentally shrugged. If she was comfortable with that, so was I. I was only holding it out of courtesy at this point, and other concerns were quickly overriding that.





After the nurse cleaned me and helped me to wash my hooves (even though I hadn't touched anything) I was feeling much relieved as she walked me back to bed. I made a mental note to keep better track of this body's needs lest there be an embarrassing situation in my future.

"You really had to go," She commented, "I bet you feel much better now!"

I couldn't help but blush, which was a novel experience for me. I couldn't remember the last time I'd blushed as a human.

"Yeah, well, I can't even remember the last time I used the toilet." I snarked.

"Oh?" She questioned seriously.

"That was a joke." I deadpanned.

She cracked a smile, and it was clear her serious expression had been in jest.

"All right, hop in bed and I'll give you your morning medications."

As I lay back in the bed, grateful that I was off my now throbbing foreleg, the nurse unlocked a drawer and started popping pills out of their packaging into a small paper cup.

"What am I taking this morning?" I asked.

"You've got three tablets and then I'll give you antibiotics through the IV on your foreleg."

"All right, what are the tablets for?" I clarified. Oh to be old again when people would treat me like I could understand what was going on.

"Well these two white ones are to help with your pain," She explained, "And this red one is to help you go to the bathroom."

They were giving me laxatives? Hmm, that meant I'd probably been on a lot of opiates.

"What kind of pain tablets are they?" I asked, suspicious. "Are they opiates?"

Opiates were good for what they were designed for, but I needed to keep a clear head and the pain really wasn't that bad. They probably weren't opiates, unless Equestria was a lot more lax with their controlled substances than Earth.

"No, they're just Intosolamol."

"Never heard of it," I responded. "Are they anti-inflammatories?"

Redheart nodded and checked my line of sight to the medication boxes, noting that I might just have been able to make out the writing on them, upside down and laying on a table across the room. She nodded again, to herself this time.

I took the pills and lay back in the bed. I felt the chill run up my foreleg as Redheart pushed the room temperature dose of antibiotics into my vein with a syringe.

"What are the antibiotics for?" I questioned. "Post-Op prophylaxis?"

"You had a urinary tract infection, but we cleared it magically," The nurse answered. "The antibiotics are to make sure it doesn't grow back. The infection is probably why you were delirious when you came in."

Oh great, if I was delirious there was no telling what I might have said or done. Literally no telling, since they wouldn't tell me.





Redheart had to spoon-feed me my breakfast. Until I managed to get control of my hoof magic, I had about as much bodily autonomy as an infant. Being able to live as a regular whatever-age-I-was filly would be amazing compared to what I had now. That was a good question, actually.

"How old am I?" I asked suddenly after finishing the meal.

"You couldn't tell us your name, so we don't know."

"Roughly though, how old do I look to you?"

"We had someone take a look at your teeth and you're most likely eight or nine years old, though you're a bit small for your age."

"Thanks."

"Are we still pretending that you don't remember anything?"

I went to facehoof but Redheart caught my hoof midway.

"Please don't hit yourself." She pleaded.

"But I wasn't-" I protested, but she cut me off.

"You don't have to lie anymore Green, you can trust me," She cut in. "When you think about what happened, does it make you want to hurt yourself?"

At that moment the utter stupidity of the situation forced the worst possible involuntary response. I facehoofed, yelped in pain, and had tears spring into my eyes.

Curse you body, you've failed me again.


> I'm Not Locked in Here With You...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

With a straw in the glass of water, I no longer had to pick it up to drink from it. Unfortunately, the glass was empty. Fortunately, I had a jug of water to fill the glass with. Unfortunately, I couldn't pick up the jug to pour it into the glass.

I had a plan though. If I put the straw into the jug, I could just drink straight from it and not have to worry about calling the nurse to fill the glass. Clever, right?

I had neglected to check the length of the straw. When I placed the straw in the jug, it fell completely inside. I didn't have any hands to fish it out with so I had to use my mouth. Being new to this body I wasn't used to its proportions. As it turned out, my muzzle just happened to be the same width as the jug, so, of course, it got stuck.



This didn't worry me too much until I noticed that my nose was in the jug. And my mouth.

I can't breathe! I realized. Okay, don't panic. Remember SCUBA training. Relax. Don't inhale water. You have time. Work the problem.

I was standing on the bed, leaning over the bedside table to drink from the jug. I shifted my weight onto my injured leg and tried to pull the jug off my face, but my hoof couldn't get a grip on the smooth surface. I had already lifted my face up so the jug was just hanging there in defiance of gravity. My lungs were starting to burn. How was it so stuck? Oh, right. Suction. Trying to remove my muzzle was creating a partial vacuum in the jug so all I had to do was introduce more air... all I had to do was exhale and-

There was a knock at the door and I quickly turned to face them, embarrassed that they had caught me in such a compromising position. With this sudden motion the jug flew off my face sailing across the room and towards the purple pony who had just walked into the room. The jug didn't shatter, thankfully, but when it hit the floor, it splashed water all over my new guest. My face burned red.

"Sorry," I managed to force out as I panted for breath. "I, uh... sorry."

They make guys wear the nurse hat.

The era of nurses wearing hats and skirts on Earth was well before my time, and if I had to guess, also before the time they allowed men to be nurses. It had never occurred to me that in Equestria they might have stallions wearing the same uniform. I'd never tell him this, but to me, it looked rather silly, and he looked rather out of place.

Of course, his looking out of place may also have had to do with the trainee badge on his hat and his body language, which screamed: "I AM NEW HERE AND TERRIFIED OF GETTING IN ANYPONY'S WAY!" Perhaps with a tinge of "Please stop throwing things at me."

The nurse hats here were multifunctional. Since it was the only item of clothing they wore it held their ID badge, a fob watch, and if Redheart's ability to pull whatever item she needed out from under it was anything to go by, the inside was a bag of holding.

Either that or she was just really good at predicting what she might need and keeping it under her hat. Misunderstandings aside I could tell Redheart really knew what she was doing.

This trainee nurse though? My human mind identified him as a frightened puppy and I had the urge to scoop him up off the floor and give him a big hug while I scratched him behind his nervously flicking ears. The inappropriateness of treating another sapient being like a dog aside it would never have worked for the simple reason that he was at least twice my height; that and I didn't have any fingers to scratch his ears so really the whole thing was a wash.

The young stallion looked at me and straightened up.

"Good morning," He said. "I'm Amethyst Swirl and I'll be helping the nurses look after you today."

"Good morning," I replied.

He stood there awkwardly.

"Did you forget what you were supposed to be doing?" I asked gently. "Or were you just introducing yourself?"

"Oh," He said. "No, I'm going to be staying with you today."

All right, that didn't track. You don't give patients personal nurses without a good reason.

"Why's that?" I asked suspiciously.

"You're a special little filly and they want me to keep an eye on you to make sure you're safe," He responded.

"Special, as in you think I'm dying?" I queried. "Or special that you think I'm going to jump out the window?"

He took a nervous step forward, "You were going to jump out the window?"

"No Amy," I sighed. "I'm not going to jump out the window. I'm not suicidal and, even if I was, a first-floor window isn't high enough. Do you mind if I call you Amy?"

"No," He replied. "I mean, that's good, I mean-"

"Just put your saddlebags down and pull up a chair," I cut him off. "I hope you brought a book, otherwise this will be very boring."

"Oh, did you want me to read you a story?" He asked. "Sorry, I didn't know I would be looking after you today so all I have is my nursing textbooks."

"Oh, that's right," He brightened up. "They told me you wanted to be a nurse too."

"I don't remember saying that, so I guess I'll take your word for it," I replied.

Should I just tell them the truth? The longer I spend hiding it the harder it was going to be.

Yeah, tell the nurse who's looking for signs you're crazy that you're actually a different age, gender, and species, I'm sure that will go great!

Well, a different strategy then. Maybe I could get more information about what they really thought of me.

I was well trained to develop a rapport with new people. For most people all it takes is to have a reason to speak to them and then treat them like you're already good friends; keep your body language open and genuine, listen reflectively so they feel heard and remember little things they tell you, like how they take their coffee, what they/their children do for work. If the patient is hesitant and unsure, take charge of the situation so they know they can depend on you to have things under control. If the patient is confident and wants to take control, make sure they know that they are ultimately in charge of their care and you're just there to assist them.

It sounds manipulative when you break it down like that, but it works much better than just winging it and hoping your personalities are compatible. Amy had clearly been trained in a similar way, but didn't yet have the experience to make it feel natural. Which meant if I acted confident and like I knew what I was talking about, he would go along with it.

He tried to make conversation for a while, but when the majority of my answers were 'I can't remember' it kinda killed the conversation. We talked for a while about what it was like for him to work at the hospital. In Equestria, it seemed, Nursing was still more of a vocation than a profession. The training did not require a university degree and instead relied on hospital based trainee programs more similar to an apprenticeship.

I didn't get much gossip out of him about his colleagues (and fair enough since I was a patient), but I did learn that Redheart was one of the more senior nurses and some of the other trainees were afraid to have her as a mentor (Amy insists that he's not). Redheart had a reputation for always knowing exactly what to do, insisting on high standards and for seeing through any BS her trainees tried to tell her. If you didn't know something upside down and back to front, she could tell immediately, and she'd make you admit it, and then help you practice it. He was careful to throw in a few "But she's really nice though," and "She's just really good at everything and wants to help us be our best," whenever he was skirting too close to speaking ill of her.

That was all interesting, but it wasn't the information I really needed.

"I actually have a lot of trouble remembering what happened in the last couple of days," I said dejectedly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Redheart seemed to see right through me, but this guy seemed a lot less sure of himself. If I acted confident, like I knew what was going on it should be easy enough to convince him to go along with me.

"Well, you were found in the forest sick and with a broken leg," He explained. "But they fixed you up and now here you are."

"I mean more specifically," I clarified. "Like things I might have said or done while I was in hospital."

"Oh, well I'm not sure about that." He said.

"It must be written down, right?" I pushed him, "In my patient notes?"

"I haven't had a chance to read them yet." He admitted.

"Oh," I said, pouting slightly as I looked down at the floor. This was the critical point in the conversation. I considered my next line.

'Can I look at them?' No, that implied that maybe I wasn't supposed to look at them (which as a patient I totally wasn't), I had to phrase it in a way that made it seem like a totally normal thing, something which he should know.

After giving him a moment to feel sorry for me I brightened up.

"We should read them together," I smiled. "It might help jog my memory."

He looked uncertain. "I'm not sure if I'm supposed to show them to you."

"Why not?" I asked. "The only patient information in them is mine, right? So it's fine for me to read it, you just can't show it to anypony else."

That was a bald-faced lie. Just because it wasn't technically illegal to show patients their own notes didn't mean he was allowed to show them to me.

"You might not understand all the words," He warned. "They use a lot of medical words and acronyms."

"Well, it's a good thing you're here then," I smiled again. "You can help me with the big words."

I tried really, really hard to keep a condescending tone out of my voice, and failed utterly. He didn't seem to have picked up on it though.

He smiled and did as I asked, bringing my patient notes into the room.

When he opened the folder to the current page, I quickly scanned what was written there. It looked like I really had been delirious if I was going around pretending to be a nurse. Unfortunately, that would make it much more difficult for them to believe the truth when I told them. Without hard physical proof, it was going to be very difficult, if not impossible to convince them that I was actually an alien without ending up in a psych ward.

I still needed to read the first page.

"Let's start from the beginning," I prompted, as far as he knew I had just been staring uncomprehendingly at the page.

He turned back to the first page of the notes and what I saw made my face pale; I don't think he noticed under my green coat though.

12/5/04 23:45

Patient received in post op recovery at 2330 following Managuided Closed-Field Relocation and Internal Fixation of RFL #.

All obs in normal range.

Shivering ++ but normothermic.

RFL plaster cast in situ.

Patient rousable by voice, confusion and disorientation apparent. Patient reoriented.

Patient states that she remembers a "guy" telling her that he was going to "make me a mare" before being left alone in the forest. See hospital internal incident report #1357032 and interagency mandatory reporting tool report #F3479-432 for followup.

Nil pain or distress noted. Patient is resting comfortably ATOR.

Goodcheer, RN PACU

Now it all made sense why Redheart had been so certain that I was covering up some kind of trauma, I'd as much as straight-up told them!

Dammit!

"Okay, so this first part is talking about your condition when you first came into emergency," Amy explained, "I might have to look up some of these abbreviations but-"

"Amethyst," Nurse Redheart called from the doorway, her face set in stone. "I need to speak with you for a moment, and bring the notes."

Her tone was friendly enough, but I winced, knowing she was about to chew him out for showing me the notes. I felt bad about taking advantage of him, hopefully he wouldn't get in too much trouble.

They spoke outside my door, whispering as if I wouldn't be able to hear them.

"Amethyst, you know you can't show the patient notes to other ponies-"

"But they're her patient notes, so there's no breach of confidentiality, it's just other ponies who can't look at them."

"What? Who told you that?"

"Uh... well, she did actually."

"And you listened to her?" Redheart gave a frustrated huff. "Even if she wasn't just trying to trick you, and she was, what made you think she had any idea what she's talking about? She's a nine-year-old filly!"

I couldn't see Amy's face but I knew he'd be hurt.

"This is my fault, I should have prepared you better," Redheart sighed. "When I said Green was special I didn't mean she was slow, or that she was crazy. She's actually rather clever, she picks things up very quickly and her vocabulary is way above her apparent age. Somepony really hurt her; and I don't mean her leg."

"The reason foals are so vulnerable and need our protection isn't just because they're weak, it's because they're trusting," Redheart explained, I could tell she'd given this speech before. "They can't always understand why you might want them to do something, and they can't critically evaluate whether what an adult tells them is true. They just take it on faith because they trust that you know and want what's best for them. Somepony has taken advantage of this foal's trust, and whatever she's been through has completely destroyed her trust in other ponies."

"I don't understand," said Amethyst. "Why would she be trying to trick me?"

"She wanted to know what she told us while she was delirious so she can keep up a consistent narrative," Redheart explained. "She probably thinks that if we can identify her we'll send her back, or maybe that she'll be punished for telling us what happened."

"Oh Celestia," Amethyst gasped. "She thinks we'd do that?"

All right, this had gone far enough. I stepped down off the bed intending to walk up to them, but the sound of my cast striking the floor was enough to get their attention. They both looked into the room and Amethyst made quick strides to stand next to me ready to catch me if I fell.

"Don't be mad at Amy," I begged. "It was my fault. I saw that he was new, and I took advantage of him. Sorry about that by the way, I was hoping we'd get away with it."

"How much did you hear?"

"Everything, and you're wrong," I stated. "I trust that both of you will do exactly what you think is best for me."

"That's great!"

"What if you don't see things the same way I do?" I questioned. "What if you decide something for me and I disagree?"

"We're not going to force you to do anything Green."

"That's crap and you know it," I retorted. "I'm a child, you have a duty of care. If I was going to do something dangerous you'd have to stop me, and if you thought I needed to do something for my own good, you'd force me to do it."

"Yes Green, if you were running around with scissors I'd have to stop you, I hardly think that makes me Sombra."

"What if I wanted to discharge myself against medical advice, could I do that?"

"Your guardian would-"

"I don't have a guardian and if I did, then it would be their decision, not mine."

"Is it really so terrible here Green? Is it so bad to have other ponies care for you? Or is there somewhere else you need to be?"

"No, no, it's fine, you guys are great, really. It's just, I don't want to be stuck here forever."

"Is that what you're afraid of? This isn't a prison Green, we just have to get you well so you can go h-" She faltered. "So you can get on with your life."

"What if when I tell you the truth you think I'm crazy and you never let me go?"

"Have you been in a mental hospital before? Did somepony you know, have to stay there?"

"No."

"You mean you don't remember."

I groaned. "You know what I mean."

"Green..."

"If I tell you the truth, you'll either think I'm lying or that I'm crazy. Neither of those are great outcomes for me."

"Or maybe we believe you and can help you. If you always expect the worst possible outcome, you're going to be miserable. I promise no matter what you tell me I'll keep an open mind."

"So if I started telling you about how I wasn't a pony, I was actually an alien from another dimension, you'd stand there and think 'Oh gee maybe he really is an interdimensional alien' and you wouldn't just be smiling and nodding while you thought about what part of that you wanted to quote when you were referring me for a psych evaluation?"

"Green, please take this seriously. You don't really think you're an alien, do you?"

"Of course not, that would be crazy," I sighed. "I was just trying to prove a point."

"What are you trying to prove?"

"That there are limits to your credulity, you will do whatever you think is right, regardless of what I want, and the only way I can keep ponies from making decisions for me is to not give them the information they need to make those decisions."

"All right, fine," Redheart nodded. "I already told you you don't have to tell me anything until you're ready, just please don't lie to me, if you don't want to tell me something just say so."

"I think I can do that."

"Ok, so why are you so afraid that you're going to be put in a psych ward?"

"You've already assigned someone to sit with me all day like I'm on suicide watch or something."

"W-what?" Stammered Amy.

"Oh sweetie, Amethyst is only here because you need a lot of help and I have other patients to take care of," Redheart explained. "You're not thinking about hurting yourself are you?"

"No."

"Then why would we put you on 'suicide watch'?"

She was testing me. Trying to get me to trap myself with my own words.

Either that or I was overreacting and assuming the worst about her intentions.

"Well, uh, remember earlier when I put my hoof to my face, and you thought I was trying to hurt myself?" I said carefully.

"You hit yourself in the face so hard it made you cry."

"Well, I didn't mean to do it that hard."

"Obviously."

"Huh?"

"I believe you. I don't think you were consciously trying to injure yourself, I think you have an involuntary tic. Each time you did it, it was the exact same motion, triggered by you feeling embarrassed about something, and you didn't even seem to realize you were doing it."

That was... actually closer to the truth than I expected.

"Then why did you ask me all those questions about if I wanted to hurt myself?"

"Because it's my job, Green."

"Actually, when I came in, Green was talking about jumping out the window," Amethyst chipped in. "She said it wasn't high enough for her to commit suicide.”

"That was a joke, Amy," I glared



"Well, it wasn't funny."

"All I said was that even if I was suicidal you didn't have to worry about me jumping out the window because the first floor isn't high enough."

Redheart had to quickly suppress a smile, clearly her sense of humor was darker than Amethyst's.

"I'm not going to scold you for telling a joke, but please try not to traumatize my trainees." Redheart pleaded. "I know that adults sometimes use that kind of humor, but part of being an adult is learning when a joke is appropriate to tell."

I had a snarky comeback but Redheart had practically teleported out of the room, which was doubly impressive since she was an earth pony. Clearly we had taken up too much of her time.

"You two try not to kill each other, okay?" She called out before disappearing into the chaotic maelstrom that was a hospital corridor in the early morning.

I looked at Amy.

"All right, so since you don't understand sarcasm." I spoke slowly, as if explaining something to a particularly slow child. "When she told us not to kill each other, she was joking. It's funny because the idea that we would murder one another is unexpected enough to be comically absurd."

"Celestia grant me patience." Amethyst groaned and put a fetlock over his eyes.
> Sufficiently Indistinguishable
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aside from my hands, the thing I was missing most of all was my emotional control. I always imagined that if I could go back and retry parts of my life knowing what I know now I’d be more reasonable, not act out of emotion. My new body had other ideas. Assuming ponies aged like humans I shouldn’t have teenage hormones yet, but even so, I felt like someone had cranked all my emotions up to eleven and I couldn’t turn them back.

Which is a long way of saying I regretted what I’d just said. It had felt great to ‘get one over’ on the inexperienced nurse, but shortly afterwards I realized what I’d done and it made me want to cry. Then I felt embarrassed that I was about to cry and guilty that I’d taken advantage of his trust and angry that I couldn’t control myself; I just felt completely rotten in general and I wanted to curl up in my bed and hide under the covers until it all went away. So I did.

It didn’t go away though, and eventually my moping was interrupted by the arrival of lunch.

“Green, are you awake?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Amy was walking on eggshells now, even less sure of himself. I’d done that. Ugh. Me and my big mouth.

“No, I’m sorry, I was being mean to you just for doing your job. You felt like you had to report what I’d said and that’s fair enough.” I said. “Just, promise you don’t hate me?”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” I could tell he was still annoyed.

I pushed the covers off me and Amy could tell from my puffy eyes that I’d been crying. I hated it. I hated that he could see how weak I was, that I couldn’t even control my own body. His heart melted instantly, and I felt like such a manipulative little shit. His foreleg lifted off the floor a little and I could tell he wanted to comfort me but wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch me, his mouth slightly open, but he didn’t know what to say.

I sniffled and wiped my eyes.

“It’s all right, Amy,” I comforted. “I’ll be fine. I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked. “It can be our secret.”

I lay back on the bed and sighed deeply.

“Don’t promise to keep secrets for patients, Amy,” I instructed. “It never ends well. Either you’ll keep the secret and feel responsible when something goes wrong, or you’ll betray the patient’s trust by revealing the secret to ponies who need to know about it to keep them safe.”

“How would you know?” Asked Amy.

“...” Damit!

“It sounds like something Redheart would say,” Amy continued. “Did you hear it from one of the nurses?”

“I can’t remember.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Amy winced. “Anyway, your lunch is here.”

Lunch didn’t look particularly appetizing, but I was hungry enough that I could just ignore that and eat it anyway. It was food someone else had prepared and none of it would kill me so whatever.

I managed to eat the daffodil sandwiches by nudging them to the edge of the plate so I could grab the corner with my teeth and then balance the sandwich on the flat of my hoof. The apple juice came in a little bottle and, mercifully, already had a straw in it. The juice was sweet and fresh, but I’d never really liked the taste of apples, and it seemed that it carried over to this body. I drank it without complaining since I didn’t want to make a fuss.

The cup of jelly was a lost cause. Even if I found a way to pick it up, there was no way for me to peel the plastic film off the top; if I grasped it in my teeth, I would have no way to hold down the cup while I pulled on it.

Amy observed my eating habits with some confusion.

“You don’t like jelly?” Amy questioned the ignored dessert.

“Let me guess,” I stated. “Redheart didn’t tell you about my hooves.”

Redheart was testing me again, seeing if I’d stay consistent with my lack of hoof grip. I wasn’t faking dammit! I fumed.

Or she’s just in a hurry and didn’t give Amy a proper handover. Or she did tell Amy, but he didn’t understand what she meant.

“She said you needed help holding things.” Said Amy.

I looked at the cup of jelly and then back to Amy.

“Oh! Right, I’m so sorry.” Amy apologized. “You can’t peel the lid with one hoof can you?”

“I have no hoof grip.” I explained, “I can’t hold things with any of my hooves.”

Amy froze, clearly I’d hit on one of the red flags that had been drilled into him.

“How long since you lost grip in your hooves?” Amy questioned urgently, pressing his hoof against my left forehoof. “Do you have any pain, numbness or tingling in your hooves? I want you to try and grip my hoof as hard as you can.”

Amy asked all these questions without giving me time to respond and then pulled his hoof away from mine with no effort. His pupils had shrunk and he was breathing more quickly.

“Relax Amy,” I instructed, “It’s been like this since before I came in, Redheart is already aware.”

“Oh.”

Amy was silent for a moment.

“So did you want me to open that for you?” He asked.

“If you like,” I replied. “But you’ll have to hold the spoon for me.”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Amy reassured. “I have a baby sister so I do that all the time.”

I sighed. “I don’t really mind, but you should probably avoid telling patients they remind you of a baby.” I rolled my eyes. “They might take offense.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“So...”

“Yes, I want some jelly. I’m sorry for giving you a hard time.”

True to his word Amy was adept in the art of spoon-feeding an infant and the jelly was finished off in short order. Then came the point I was dreading.

I spoke clearly so I wouldn’t have to repeat myself, but I was unable to make eye contact. “I have to use the bathroom.”

Amy walked with me to the door of the bathroom, but then he stopped. After I’d emptied my bladder, I called out to Amy.

“I need some help.”

“What with?” Amy called back from behind the door.

“I can’t grip anything with my hooves.”

“So?”

Jesus Christ, how fucking new was this guy?

“Amy, I don’t have a penis.” I explained, “When a mare uses the restroom she needs to dry her mare parts.”

“...”

“Look, if you don’t feel comfortable doing it you can go get Redheart, but you’re going to need to learn this eventually.”





After a bit of awkwardness, Amy managed to do what was necessary and got me back to bed.

“So you really can’t grip anything with your hooves, huh?” Asked Amy.

It took all my child-level self-control to avoid a facehoof that would have driven my hoof through to the opposite side of my skull. As it was I just groaned, squeezed my eyes shut, and slammed my head back into the pillow.

FOR FUCK’S SAKE AMY CAN YOU JUST NOT FOR TWO FUCKING MINUTES?!

“Are you all right, Green?” Amy asked with concern.

“No,” I was resisting the urge to thrash around and throw a tantrum.

“What’s wrong?”

“Leave me alone.”

“But I’m not supposed to lea-”

“THEN JUST SIT THERE AND BE QUIET!”

Before I say something I regret.

Amy’s mouth closed with an audible click.

Relax. Breathe. Don’t strangle Amy.

After a couple minutes of breathing my anger had subsided and I was left with a sickening feeling of shame. Oh god, I was going to cry again wasn’t I? I swear to Christ I’m going to cauterize my god damn tear ducts.

I managed not to full-on cry, but my eyes were watery and my vision blurry. I could see Amy sitting on the floor exactly where I’d left him with his ears drooped. He didn’t even know what he’d done wrong.

“I’m sorry, Amy,” I consoled. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m just having trouble controlling my emotions, but that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

Amy hesitated and then opened his mouth to speak before thinking better of it.

“You can speak now,” I snarked

“Uh, well, er...” Amy was flustered. “I know you said not to compare you to my baby sister, but I was thinking about your problem with your hooves, and my sister had the same problem and the doctor gave us this exercise we could do to help her learn to grasp things.”

I sat up in the bed, suddenly alert.

“Yes?”

“I mean, I’m not sure if-”

“Show me!” I said excitedly.

“Ok,” Amy put his hoof against mine again, “So I’m going to push a bit of my magic into your hoof and then I quickly pull it out again. It might feel a bit weird, but your magic field should reflexively try to compensate for the change in thaumic pressure.”

“Do it.”

There was a warm fizzy sensation as the invisible magic field pressed into my hoof. The pressure in my hoof was uncomfortable, but not exactly painful. There was a sudden feeling of coldness and my hoof went slightly numb as the pressure disappeared. There was an indescribable sensation in the middle of my chest, utterly alien to anything I’d felt before, and yet it felt - right. Like it was always supposed to be there. The feeling pulsed outwards to the extremities of my body, returning sensation to my hoof and briefly giving a sensation of pressure before it faded back to normal. Every hair on my coat and mane stood on end for a moment and a shower of sparks shot out of my horn.

I felt absolutely ecstatic, euphoric, invulnerable! Amy had taken a shocked step back from my bedside but I leaped for joy, grabbing him around the neck in a fierce hug with tears of joy in my eyes.

“Ow,” Amy exclaimed.

In my excitement I may have forgotten that I had a cast and clobbered Amy with it... and my newfound hoof grip may have ripped a few hairs from his coat, but after a moment of shock Amy returned the hug.

Redheart picked that exact moment to walk into the room. Her look of concern quickly dissolved when she realized the crashing sounds hadn’t been me falling on the floor.

“I can do magic!” I exclaimed proudly.


> Ain’t that a Thaum in the Hoof
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A wave of fatigue hit me and I yawned. Amy’s coat was so soft and warm against my face I closed my eyes.

I woke with a start when somepony nudged my shoulder.

“Huh?” I must have fallen asleep, how embarrassing.

“Green, are you all right?” Asked Redheart.

“Uh,” I tried to fight through the fatigue. “Er, yeah, just... tired.”

I rested my cheek back on Amy’s neck, but with a warm, fizzy sensation I found myself floating away from him.

“Green,” Amy’s voice woke me again and I could feel the bed under me. “Green, you have to let go.”

“What?”

“Your hoof,” He explained. “You need to let go of me.”

“Oh,” I was still holding onto his neck with him awkwardly bending down over the bed. “... Uh, how do I do that?”

Amy seemed stumped by the question. I guess that made sense since I was asking something he’d probably never thought about. My fatigue was already starting to recede; at a guess, magic must be physically tiring. I focused on my hoof and I could feel a slightly higher pressure of magic, so I tried pulling it back into my hoof. This only seemed to grip on tighter, so instead, I tried the opposite and pushed it out of my hoof. Amy looked startled, I guess I was pushing on his magic field? After a couple seconds of this, I felt tired again and my hoof grip released on its own. I was cold and burrowed into the blankets for warmth.

“-don’t know what I saw then,” said Amy, I must have dozed off for a moment. “But I’ve seen a magic surge before and it looked like a magic surge.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you Amethyst,” Redheart sighed. “I just - you can’t fake a magic surge, can you?”

I was confused for a moment as to why Redheart was deferring to her trainee until I remembered that she was an earth pony, and he was a unicorn.



Amethyst thought about it for a moment.

“Not... really?” He answered unsurely but gradually became more confident. “I mean if you knew enough illusion magic you could fake the visual and auditory parts, but I could feel the magic coming off her and it didn’t feel structured at all; and the amount of magic? Well, look at her, she exhausted her whole mana pool in one shot. That’s not something you can do on purpose; not without years of high yield casting exercises anyway.”

“She’s too old.” Redheart countered. “Is it even possible for an eight-year-old to have a magic surge?”

“I mean, I’d say I’d never heard of such a thing, but...”

“But what?”

“Princess Twilight.”

“What are you saying?” Asked Redheart, incredulously. “That Green could be the next Twilight Sparkle? Is her magic that strong?”

“Oh no,” Amy waved his hooves placatingly. “Nothing like that. Princess Twilight’s magic surge lasted more than eight minutes, hatched a dragon egg, blew the roof off an auditorium and transfigured ponies into plants. They say she levitated herself off the floor and her eyes glowed as bright as the sun itself.”

“And Green?”

“About ten seconds,” Amy explained, “Her eyes glowed and the magic flow was strong enough to float her mane and tail with pure unstructured magic; and as you can see, it didn’t give her a cutie mark for magic.”

“Well, there are no guidelines for this, so I guess just do a set of obs and keep a close eye on her,” Redheart instructed, massaging one of her temples with a hoof, “I’ll figure out how to report this to the CMO without him thinking I’m crazy.”

I yawned again, and they finally realized I was awake. Nurse Redheart turned to face me and put a hoof on my shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” She asked with a sing-song voice.

“Tired. Cold. Hungry.” I fought through the fatigue to answer. “My skin feels prickly and I’m all... dizzy. I think... I think my blood sugar is low...”

“It’s all right sweetie, you just used a bit too much magic,” Redheart comforted, “It’s perfectly normal.”

“Normal?” asked Amy, “But-”

Redheart’s head turned so fast I’m surprised her nose didn’t break the sound barrier, and she fixed Amethyst with a steely glare.

“Amethyst, you’re a unicorn,” Redheart cut him off, “It’s normal to feel fatigued when you use too much magic, isn’t it.”

It was not a question.

“Why don’t you take a set of obs, and then we can let Green have a little nap?” She continued.

Amy swallowed nervously and nodded before walking out of the room, returning moments later with an obs trolley. He and Redheart had a whispered conversation as they passed each other in the doorway, but this time I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

I still felt cold, so I cocooned myself in the blankets, leaving one foreleg exposed so Amy could take my blood pressure. He clipped an oxygen saturation sensor on one of my ears and set about checking my blood pressure.

I wanted to ask Amy some questions about my ‘magic surge’ but my eyelids felt so heavy.





I felt like I was drifting away until a sudden jolt woke me. I was still moving, I was falling! I flailed in a panic and only managed to get tangled in the bedsheets, but with my head now uncovered I could see that it wasn’t me that had moved, it was the bed. I was being rolled down a corridor.

Relax, breathe, everything is fine.

I felt wet and sticky and I definitely didn’t check to see if I’d wet the bed; and even if I did check, it was unnecessary because I hadn’t. I’m not a baby.

My sheets were damp though, from a cold sweat. By the miracle of this new body’s healthy skin, it didn’t itch. It was still uncomfortable though.

Amy was keeping pace next to the bed as it was being rolled down the corridor.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“We’re going for a ride.” Said Amy.

“I can see that,” I deadpanned. “Where are we going?”

“Thaumatology,” The word was unfamiliar, but it was clear enough what it was by context. “The doctor just wants to run a few tests to make sure you’re okay.”

“Great.”

My horn was starting to hurt like it was clamped in a vise that was slowly being tightened, and I wanted to be asleep, and these ponies had no idea what was wrong with me and even if they did they wouldn’t tell me because I’m just a child. Ugh, my head.

“Hey Green, are you all right?” Amy asked with concern.

“Fine,” I snapped.

“Are you in pain?”

“Yes.”

“Did you need som-”

“I’ll live,” I pulled the blankets over my head again and curled up to face away from him.

I didn’t see much of Thaumatology because the lights were too bright, making my eyes sting and my head throb. Stupid lights. Stupid ponies with their poking and prodding and their clippity-clopping hooves on the hard floor. Stupid machines with their beeping and clacking and whirring.

I groaned and ponies looked at me with concern. Probably. Or maybe they didn’t. I don’t know, my eyes were closed, and I was ignoring them.





I fell asleep on the way back to my room, and when I woke again Amy was gone. In his place was a pink unicorn mare with a similar trainee badge on her hat. That meant the shift had changed so Redheart had probably left as well. I’d only known them for a few hours, but I felt their absence keenly. They were, after all, the only people I knew in the entire world, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye to them.

I felt much better after my nap. All that remained was a dull ache at the base of my horn, and a feeling of emptiness in my chest where my magic had seemed to originate from.

My new minder looked bored. She idly flipped through a magazine she had levitated in her magic. Watching a patient sleep wasn’t the most fascinating of assignments, so I didn’t blame her at all. The unicorn had a straw yellow mane put up into a bun like Redheart’s had been.

“Hi.” I squeaked. Stupid squeaky voice.

The unicorn mare sighed and looked up. “Oh, you’re awake?”

Her voice had no enthusiasm, as if looking after me was a major imposition on her time.

“Really?” My voice dripped with sarcasm, “I hadn’t noticed.”

The unicorn knew better than to rise to the bait and instead she slid herself off the chair and stretched.

“They wanted me to let them know when you woke up,” She explained as she walked over to the door. “Don’t do anything crazy while I’m gone.”

I almost wanted to do something crazy just to spite her, but that would just be immature. I understood where she was coming from; it was boring. I was basically wasting her time, but this was part of the job, and she’d just have to suck it up and get used to it. I’d never had much sympathy for people that couldn’t keep themselves entertained for a few hours, especially if they were being paid for it. It’s like, you’re being paid by the hour to sit around and read a book, and you’re complaining about it? You’re complaining that the patient isn’t awake and trying to rip their catheter out or punch you in the face? What are you, five? Do you need me to dangle my car keys in front of you to keep your attention?

After a few minutes, the trainee returned with a fluorescent orange pegasus. I tactfully decided not to ask if that was her natural coat color since I didn’t want to remind her of the traumatic experience she must have endured as a filly when she fell into a vat of ink on a field trip to the highlighter factory.

She wasn’t wearing a nurse hat, so maybe she wasn’t a nurse?

“Good afternoon,” She greeted, “My name is Day Glow, do you remember me from yesterday?”

I almost smirked at her name, but I managed to keep it contained. At the same time a spike of fear hit me. Yet another pony had me at a disadvantage by knowing what I’d said while I was delirious, I couldn’t remember a thing. I thought back to the notes I’d skimmed with Amy earlier; I hadn’t paid any attention to the names, but if she wasn’t a nurse, and she wasn’t in Lunar guard armor, and she hadn’t introduced herself as ‘Dr.’... Right, the social worker.

“Sorry, I don’t remember anything from yesterday.”

“That’s all right.” She consoled, “We didn’t make much progress yesterday, but I’m told you’re feeling better today?”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh?”

“To know if I was feeling better today, I would have to compare it to yesterday,” I deadpanned, “If I can’t remember yesterday, how would I know if I’m feeling better today?”

She laughed at my joke, but it felt more like politeness than actual mirth. At least she could tell when I was joking.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She noted something on a clipboard. “My job here is to represent the Ministry of Families, Foals and Mental Health.”

That was a mouthful. Hopefully she was here for the first two and not the third.

“It’s good timing that you woke up actually,” Dayglow continued, “There’s somepony I was just with that I wanted you to meet.”

I don’t like surprises. My job is to make sure that everything goes according to plan. To be prepared for anything that might happen. Day Glow had caught me completely off guard and nervousness twisted my stomach.

“You can come in now, Applejack.” She called out.

Damit. They brought the lie detector. I couldn’t run. My leg was broken, and even if it wasn’t, I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. I was frozen on the spot, my skin was cold.

Relax, breathe, don’t have another panic attack.

I closed my eyes, and I took some deep breaths. I managed to stop shivering as I got the panic under control. I still had a knot of nervousness in my stomach though.

All right, she’s probably right in front of you, so don’t get startled.

I cracked open my eyes and saw that Applejack was actually standing a respectful distance away. When she noticed I was looking at her, she approached and introduced herself.

“Well hello there little one, my name’s Applejack.”

The knot in my stomach twisted tighter. Oh god, what if she knew I was lying when I told her my name? Ugh.

Okay, your name is Green. That’s what ponies call you, that’s what you refer to yourself as, so it’s not a lie. Just tell the truth. Your name is ‘Green’. You’re a pony, you were never a human.

I felt bile in my throat.

“Hi my name is-” I closed my mouth again when I realized I was speaking far too quietly for her to hear me.

Applejack moved closer “Pardon?”

Her moving closer made me even more nervous, if such a thing was possible. My stomach hurt. I took a breath.

“H- *hurrgh*” My stomach rebelled against me. I threw up on her hooves.

So much for first impressions.
> Best Policy
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ahm not angry sugarcube,” Applejack’s muffled voice tried to comfort me through the bedclothes I’d wrapped myself in, “It wasn’t yer fault, there’s no need ta be scared.”

Just kill me now, save me from this embarrassment.

I could hear the hurt in Applejack’s voice and I knew that she’d feel just terrible if she thought she’d frightened me. No matter how much my embarrassment wanted me to scream at everypony to leave me alone, I knew I had to pretend to let Applejack comfort me, so she could ‘make up’ for what she saw as her mistake.

I poked my muzzle out of the blankets. The cooler air was refreshing, but I could still smell the cloying odor of my sick hanging in the room. I could smell Applejack too, and no, she didn’t smell like apples. She smelled of rich earth with a hint of healthy sweat, scents that were quite distinct from what I was used to in the hospital.

I slipped my head out of the blankets, my pony ears springing up to attention as they were freed from the blankets.

“It’s all right, Applejack,” I said.  “Don’t worry about me, I was just being stupid. I’m not scared.”

“Oh darlin’ I know yer jus’ tryin’ ta be brave, but there ain’t no need ta candy-coat the truth.” The coat on Applejack’s forelegs was damp, no doubt from washing off my puke.

Right, she could tell when I was lying. I swallowed nervously.

“I’m not afraid of you,” I clarified. “I’m just a very anxious pony.”

Applejack raised a hoof to her chest and a distraught expression crossed her face.

Dammit, why can’t I stop lying?

“Yer afraid of me?” The hurt in her voice cut me deep.

“Not because I think you’ll hurt me!” I blurted out, “I just- I’m scared because you- because you’re the element of honesty and you can tell when something is the truth and I don’t want ponies to know w- to know things.”

I probably shouldn’t have said that.

“Ah know tellin’ tha’ truth can hurt sometimes, but you’ll feel much better if you just come out with it.” Applejack lectured, “Everypony here is trying to help you - they won’t think worse of ya, no matter what yer secret is, they’ll help ya.”

“It’s not something I need help with,” I explained. “It’s something- it’s- ugh!”

I huffed in frustration.

“Being the element of honesty doesn’t give me any special powers sugar cube, ya’ll just ain’t that good at fibbing.” Applejack said, “Besides which, we returned the elements to the Tree of Harmony. Ahm not here to interrogate ya.”

“You’re not?”

Applejack turned to Dayglow and the fluorescent mare sighed.

“I’m so sorry Green, I shouldn’t have sprung it on you like this.” Dayglow apologized. “I was talking with Applejack about potentially taking you in as a foster child and I thought I’d introduce you two to ease you into the idea.”

Dayglow looked miserable too. I just spread misery wherever I go, don’t I?

“I didn’t realize you would recognize her, or that you would react so... strongly,” Dayglow explained. “I want to get you placed in a stable environment as soon as possible, but I’d never place you with somepony you felt uncomfortable with.”

Foster care? I hadn’t considered that. I’d assumed I’d be going to an orphanage. I didn’t want to take up a foster care spot that was meant for some poor foal that actually needed it. 

“I don’t want to go into foster care, I’ll be fine in an orphanage or whatever.”

“I know it can be scary going with somepony you don’t know-”

“-It’s not that!” I interrupted, “I just- I don’t need it. Isn’t there a waiting list? Isn’t there somepony else that needs it more?”

Dammit, I was screwing this up. I looked over at Applejack.

“Green, look at me.” Dayglow lifted my chin so I was looking into her eyes, “You’re just as important as anypony else. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to have a family that loves you and cares for you.”

“What if I don’t want a family?”

“What do you want?” Asked Dayglow, “If you could have anything, what would you ask for?”

“I just want a safe place to sleep, with food provided, and a small stipend to cover expenses until I’m old enough to get a job.” I chose my words carefully. “If I have to share a bunk room with a few other ponies that’s fine I suppose, but I’d prefer to be alone, and once I’m working, I can pay back the money.”

I sighed.

“Look, I get it,” I preempted the response, “You’re not going to give me what I want. You’re going to do whatever you think is best for me, but you asked.”

“Huh.” Said Dayglow. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”

“What was I supposed to say?”

“Well, most fillies your age would want to be a Princess, or to have a million bits.”

“Being a princess looks like a lot of work, and taking a million bits that’s going to help orphans seems kinda evil.”

“That’s a very practical way to look at things.” Said Dayglow, “It’s a bit bleak though, don’t you think?”

“Happiness isn’t achieved by having things handed to you.” I countered, quickly converting an Earth saying into pony speak, “A beggar could be the happiest pony in Equestria while a prince who has wanted for nothing may live in misery.”

“Are you happy, Green?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t seem happy, you seem miserable. You’re anxious around other ponies, you’re having panic attacks, you don’t trust anypony enough to speak with them honestly, and from what I’ve read, since you’ve come to us you’ve spent most of your time either sleeping or crying.”

“This situation is very stressful for me, but I’m generally a happy pony.”

“I’m no Pinkie Pie, but I know a thing or two about making ponies happy.” Dayglow said lightly, “For somepony to be happy, they need to feel safe. Not just physically safe, emotionally safe. Have you ever felt safe, Green? Have you had somepony you could trust with everything?”

I could feel my mother’s cold fingers, poor circulation from her weak heart. I grasped them tightly in my small hands.

“Stay with me, Mom, I’m right here with you. Breathe. You’re going to get through this.”
She shook and kept asking me if it was all right. I told her it was, and I kicked myself for even thinking about telling her the other kids were being mean to me at school. I could imagine what Dad would do if I told him. He’d march down to the school and ‘sort out’ the situation regardless of how I’d beg him not to.

I thought about all the ways I could answer the question with another question; what is 'trust'? Is it just being able to predict how someone will respond? With Applejack in the room I figured it was best just to get it over with.

“No,” I said truthfully. “I guess I never have.”
> Highly Illogical
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You remember your parents?”

“Well, they’re not my parents.” I explained, “They’re not ponies, and they’re not in Equestria.”

They were the human me’s parents, the pony me had no parents since I’d been brought into the world fully formed. Well, almost fully. The much taller, fully grown ponies gathered in the room looked at me expectantly, and I felt very small.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s all right Green,” Dayglow noticed my discomfort and wrapped a wing around me, “You’re being very brave, you can tell us about that when you’re ready. You don’t have to talk about it in front of everypony.”





Having fur sucks. It turns out, not all of my vomit was on Applejack - I got some of it on myself, and it couldn’t just be wiped off. While I did have magic now, it still wasn’t up to the delicate task of cleaning myself. Soothing Melody - my trainee nurse minder - was tasked with giving me a shower.

I was worried that Melody would be cross with me for giving her more work, but she actually seemed to be enjoying herself. I got the sense that she was treating me like one of her dolls; she put so much care into styling my mane and tail - all without standing me in front of the mirror or asking what I’d like. I can’t really blame her for treating me like a doll when that’s how I was acting.

Melody helping me in the bathroom was uncomfortable. She was a female, close enough to my age as a human, and she didn’t have the sense of professional detachment that Redheart displayed. I knew, intellectually, that the looks she was giving me were just because I was a cute little filly that she got to play with, but my human mind was interpreting them in a very different, very creepy way. That type of female attention had always been frightening to me.

I guess I should explain. In my life as a human, I had good people skills... professionally. Personal relationships, however, ranged from exhausting to terrifying. I like things to be predictable, I enjoyed the fact that shifts had routines and a procedure manual that I could study so I would know exactly what to do at all times. People are unpredictable, but at work, there were very clear boundaries and expectations and, most importantly, I didn’t have to trust them. I always had it in the back of my mind that they could suddenly snap, spit in my face and cuss me out, make false complaints about me, or try to stab me with a pen; So, when they did, I wasn’t angry with them. Their irrationality was just another symptom that had to be managed. Most often this type of behavior was the result of dementia or mental illness; For the rest, while being a complete dickhead isn’t technically a mental illness, it might as well be.

I can’t turn it off. I don’t have another way to interact with people. Some of my earliest memories are helping my mother with her mental illness, I couldn’t blame her for being irrational; and caring for my baby brother, who was as irrational and impulsive as you would expect from a six-year-old. My dad really tried, but he never managed to understand how to deal with anxiety and panic attacks. I didn’t blame him for trying to be assertive and snap Mum out of having a panic attack by telling her forcefully that she was being irrational and spouting nonsense. He honestly thought that would help.

If you know anything at all about anxiety, you can probably imagine how well that went. For anyone left wondering, not well. It’s possibly the most counter-productive thing you could do short of actual violence. I didn’t have the words to explain it to him at the time, and to this day he doesn’t really understand, though he has at least stopped attempting it.

I know my family better than I know anyone else in the world, I love them, I would do anything for them - but I don’t trust them. I’ve never really trusted anyone.

They’re not even my family though, are they? Am I a terrible person if that’s a relief to me? If it feels like a burden lifted? It’s not like I was abandoning them. The original was still there, and, by virtue of us being essentially the same person, he was actually, for the first time ever, someone I could trust to see things my way. Too bad we’d never meet.

Not trusting anyone, being afraid of new social situations, being afraid of people being irrational... can you see where this is going? I was terrified of having a girlfriend. That didn’t stop me from having one. A girl asked me out. I wanted to say no, but I was too afraid to turn her down in case she and her friends retaliated against me. So I said yes. We dated for three months and the furthest we went was a kiss on the lips, which only happened because my Dad told me I should do it because it was cruel to string her along.

I felt nothing but fear; she was ecstatic and literally skipped back to her father’s waiting car. She broke up with me a couple of weeks later, said she would hate me forever and threatened to have her dad beat me up.

It was cruel of me to lead her on, but being honest and telling her I never felt anything for her seemed even crueler, so instead I pretended to be sad about it.

Since then I’ve made sure to be clear about rebuffing romantic or sexual advances towards me. Most of my colleagues have taken the hint and assume I’m gay. While this would be a handy excuse for why I’m terrified of female sexual interest, I don’t actually like men in that way either. It terrifies me because I have no idea how to respond. From my experience, rebuffing these types of advances is something that makes people completely irrational, and reciprocating is equally bad, if it’s not done correctly.

I knew, with reasonable certainty that Melody wasn’t going to try anything weird, so I just sucked it up and stood there with a blank expression, complying with her requests to raise each hoof, stand, or sit.

She was efficient with her work, and despite taking time to style my mane and tail we were finished up within ten minutes. Most of what she’d done for me had been accomplished with magic, so it was a shock when she touched my hind quarters with a hoof to direct me out of the bathroom. With the thoughts going through my head at the time, I about jumped out of my skin.

I squeaked and wrapped my tail around where she had touched. An involuntary shudder ran through my body, interrupting my breathing exercise. I took a new breath and controlled the exhalation over four seconds, waited another four seconds, then returned to breathing normally.



“I’m so sorry,” I apologized, my face flushed red with embarrassment. “I wasn’t paying attention and you startled me.”

Melody didn’t answer immediately, and when I gained the courage to face her, I could see why. She had recoiled away from me, holding the hoof she had used to touch me tight against her chest. Her coat was somehow three shades lighter, her pupils were pinpricks, and I wasn’t entirely sure she was breathing.

“Are you okay?” I asked with concern.

“I-I’m going to get the nurse.” She mumbled before beating a hasty retreat out into the hallway.

Looking at the bed I noted that it was raised up too high for me to safely climb into it without help; I just lay on the floor and waited for my caretakers to return. My broken leg was throbbing again, but I couldn’t tell them about it; I needed a clear head to deal with whatever nonsense I was wrapped up in now.

Why does this keep happening to me?




> Perspective
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Redheart saw Melody stumble out of Green’s room in a panic, she just sighed. On the second shift of her double, her patience was beginning to fray.

“Alright Melody, what’s Green done now?” Asked Redheart, “Did she sprout wings? I really shouldn’t be surprised at this point.”

Redheart felt a little bad when her light-hearted jab failed to penetrate Melody’s panic. The pink mare grasped Redheart’s hoof and tried to drag her towards the patient’s room. Redheart had a feeling that it would be better not to have this conversation in front of the patient.



“Is this a medical emergency?” Redheart asked

“No, but-”

“Is Green having a panic attack?”

“Well... no-”

“Okay then, tell me what happened.”

Melody swallowed nervously. “Well I was giving Green a shower and she - and I - and she - I mean I, I think I touched her somewhere I wasn’t supposed to!”

The mare shrunk in on herself covering her mouth with a hoof as if she’d admitted to something unforgivable. 

“So where did you touch her?” Redheart sighed again when she realised she wasn’t going to be leaving this shift on time.

“On the flank,” Melody explained, “I was showing her out of the bathroom, and - and she was so scared! She was shaking and then she apologised to me! Like she thought I would punish her for getting scared! It’s all my fault!”

“It’s all right Melody,” Redheart comforted, “You couldn’t have known she would react like this. You’re not the one who hurt her, you just found one of her triggers. Something about the situation must have made her relive a traumatic memory.”

Redheart walked towards Green’s room. “I need you to be calm, Melody, do you need a moment?”

“No.” Melody responded, “I’m fine.”

Green was lying on the floor next to a bed that had been raised so the linen could be easily changed. When she saw Redheart enter she rolled onto her back so she was looking at the nurse upside down.

“Whatever she told you is a lie, nothing happened.” The filly said in aggravation, “I was just shivering because I was cold after being in the shower.”

“Would it make you feel more comfortable if we pretended that’s what happened?” Redheart didn’t believe the filly for a second, “I know you feel embarrassed when you have reactions you can’t control.”

“Sure. Whatever.” The filly struggled to her hooves and Melody moved towards her but froze as she couldn’t decide whether she should lay hooves on her.

A look of agony crossed Green’s face as she tried to breathe through the pain in her broken foreleg, but she didn’t let out so much as a murmur as tears gathered in her eyes.

“How bad is the pain on a scale of one to ten.” Melody asked reflexively.

“I’m fine,” Green growled, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Green, please be honest,” Redheart pleaded, “We can help you with the pain, and we need to know if there’s something wrong with your leg.”

“I snapped my leg in two and now I’ve got metal screwed into my bones, it’s perfectly normal to feel some pain.” The filly said matter-of-factly, “What I need is for ponies to stop treating me like I’m crazy. I’m here because I broke my leg, my brain works just fine.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy Green,” Redheart said, “Something bad happened to you, and it wasn’t your fault, even if you feel like it is. You -”

“Nothing happened.” The filly insisted, “I’m fine. I just get anxious sometimes, and you ponies always assume it’s the worst possible thing. I can manage my anxiety just fine, I just need people to stop poking at it!”

“Are you ready for bed, Green?” Redheart asked, disengaging from the conversation that was distressing her patient.

Green looked back to the bathroom and the towels left on the floor.

“Yes.” The filly answered in a huff, but she couldn’t cross her forelegs due to the cast. She blinked adorably when she noticed this before returning to her scowl.

“You missed dinner,” Redheart explained, “Did you want some sandwiches from the fridge?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, if you change your mind, Melody will be right here. Is it alright if she stays?”

“Ugh, it’s fine! She didn’t even do anything, I just get scared for no reason sometimes. It’s not like I’m gonna die.”

“All right then, get some rest, Green.” Redheart instructed, “Melody, just keep an eye on her, and don’t forget to write in the notes.”




> Not a Kid
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Applejack, can ah sleep in your room tonight?” Applebloom whimpered.

“Are you having nightmares again?” Applejack asked, “I sent a letter to Princess Luna but I haven’t heard back yet. And o’ course you can darlin’ don’t sweat it.”

“It’s just - that filly we found in the forest,” Applebloom admitted, “Ah, know we weren’ supposed to go in the forest, but-”

Applejack sighed and hugged her sister close. “Oh Applebloom, yer heart was in the right place goin’ out tah save that filly, but you’ve got to think with your head sometimes,” Applejack lectured. “You saw what happened to that filly that got lost an’ hurt. What if that had been you? Ah’d never forgiven ma’self if somethin’ happened to you!”

Applebloom didn’t try to argue, she just hugged back and listened to the steady beat of her sister’s heart as tears welled in her eyes.

“She was so scared!” Applebloom sobbed, “Ah’ve never seen anypony that scared before. She was begging us not to hurt her, an’ then she tried to run away on a broken leg, an’ she started talkin’ all crazy, an’ then she tried to walk all the way back to Ponyville, and she collapsed an’ ah thought she was dead-”

“Hey, simmer down now,” Applejack comforted, “She’s fine, thanks to you. I went to see her at the hospital today.”

Applebloom pulled her face out of her sister’s coat to look her in the eye.

“Ya did?” Applebloom said with hopeful excitement, “Did she say anything about me?”

“Ahm sure she would thank ya if she could, but...” Applejack tried to think how to phrase it gently, “Well she weren’ up for sayin’ much of anything. She’s still a mite shook up.”

“Ah bet her parents were happy to see her at least.” 

Applejack tensed up and didn’t answer.

“... Oh,” Applebloom could figure out what that meant.

“They haven’t been able to find her parents. She won’t even tell us her name, so she goes by ‘Green’ now.” Applejack explained, “How would ya feel if Green stayed here with us fer a while?”

Applebloom hesitated for a moment too long before answering.

“That would be fine, ah guess,” She mumbled. “She’s kinda... weird.”

“Really now?” Applejack raised an eyebrow, “Was she mean to you?”

“Well, no,” Applebloom said hesitantly. “Ah mean, she did say we weren’t never goin' ta get our cutie marks, but she apologized fer tha’.”

“Well, that wasn’t a very nice thing for her to say.”

“She did think we were timberwolves at the time.” Applebloom elaborated, “And she did apologize right after, but then she started talking all crazy and on the way back she kept calling us ‘kids’ and telling us to go on without her.”

“She must have been mighty confused,” Applejack said, “Ya’ll don’t look anything like timberwolves or goats.”

“She kept saying she was fine,” Applebloom was beginning to tear up, “But she wuz hurt real bad and she kept pushing us away when we tried ta help her walk, an’ she fell, an’ then she kicked Scootaloo in the face when she tried ta help her up. An’ she wuz wimperin’ the whole time and cryin’ but I don’t think she knew ‘cause she kept tryin’ ta tell us that she didn’t need help, an’ -”

“Shhh, it’s alright,” Applejack hugged her sister tight to her chest. “Ah know Green must have scared ‘ya somethin’ fierce, but Ah’m sure she didn’ mean to. She’s just... well she’s a very anxious pony and Ah guess that bein’ lost an’ injured must have frightened the wits out of her, poor thing.”

“Like Fluttershy?” Applebloom asked.

“Ah guess I bit like that, yeah,” Applejack responded. “She’s very frightened of other ponies right now, and she needs a safe place to live so she can learn to trust ponies to not hurt her. Ah was hoping tha-”

“Yes!” Applebloom said firmly, “Ah want to help her. If she needs to learn how to trust, she can learn from mah sister, the Element a’ Honesty!”

Applejack tousled her sister’s mane.

“Aww shoot, ah just remembered,” Applejack said sheepishly. “Ahm supposed to go to a meetin’ at the hospital tonight to see about helpin’ Green. Ya can sleep in Big Mac’s room if ya like, Ah’m sure he wouldn’ mind.”

“A meeting this late at night?” Applebloom questioned.

“Well, the Princess is going to be there,” Applejack explained. “Ah can try bringin’ up yer nightmares if I get a chance to speak with her alone.”

“Ya know what?” Applebloom said, “Ah think Ah’ll be fine.”




> The Royal We
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“We did not call thee ‘small’,” Princess Luna argued, “We merely remarked that thy stature is perfect for this assignment.”

The air chariot was making a good pace towards Ponyville, the enchanted metal cut the night air like a knife and reduced the sound of the howling wind to a dull murmur.

“You want me to meet with a filly who is intimidated by ponies taller than herself,” Replied Corporal Mango of Her Majesty's Royal Night Guard, “What else could you have meant by that, Princess? At least allow me to wear my armor.”

“Dost thou pride thyself on thy ability to frighten young foals?” Questioned Luna, “If thou sayest neigh, thou hast no reason to take offense at this assignment.”

Mango straightened his posture to sit a little taller, but next to his Princess he could be mistaken for a colt.

“As you say, Princess,” Mango grumbled.





Redheart sighed as she made her way towards the exit. Her hooves ached and she could imagine crawling into bed.

“Redheart, a moment please.” A voice called from behind her.

“If it can’t wait until tomorrow, find somepony else,” Redheart replied without looking back.

“Wait,” Paper Stack, Assistant Director of Nursing, stepped into her path, “You looked after Green today and yesterday, right?”

Redheart sighed again. “Is there another problem with Green?”

If Green was asking for her she’d go back, she decided, even if it was technically illegal for her to work any more hours today.

 “You’d know better than I,” Paper Stack admitted, “To that end, I want you to attend Green’s progress review.”

If eyes could speak, Redheart’s would have been screaming ‘are you bucking serious’ as she pushed past Paper Stack to walk towards the door.

“Sure, fine, when is it?”

“Tonight.”

Redheart turned back and gave Paper Stack a suspicious glare.



“Tonight?”

Paper Stack nodded and tried to look apologetic. 

“You’re holding a progress review meeting in the middle of the night,” Redheart asked incredulously, “For a patient in stable condition who’s been with us less than three days?”

“The princess is coming to check on Green’s care,” Paperstack explained.

“Alright, good luck with that.” Redheart continued towards the door.

“You can’t leave,” Paper Stack instructed, or pleaded - Redheart was too tired to tell the difference. “The meeting is in less than an hour.”

“Do you have a royal decree ordering me to attend?” Redheart questioned, “If not, I need to leave now, I have a shift in the morning and it’s illegal for me to stay any longer tonight.”

“I’ll find somepony to cover your shift,” Paper Stack begged, “I’ll give you an extra day of paid leave at double-time rate.”

“Can you actually find somepony to cover my shift at this time of night?” Redheart asked. “I don’t want them working short-staffed.”

“If I can’t find somepony I’ll cover your shift myself.” Paper Stack promised, “I still keep my registration up to date.”

Redheart smirked at the idea of Paperstack being back on the floor after more than a decade of administration work.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Redheart quipped, “Now if you’ll excuse me I need to consume twice my body weight in coffee.”





“Are you sure we’re talking about the same filly?” Twilight asked, “Rainbow was ranting all of yesterday about how she was too dangerous to be around other fillies, and now you’re telling me she was so timid she could barely speak.”

Unlike her night-owl friend, Applejack was the kind of pony that went to bed early so she could rise before Celestia’s sun. The farm pony let out a yawn.

“Well, Green did leave a nasty bruise on Scootaloo’s face,” Applejack responded, “You know how protective Rainbow is of her little sister.”

“So it was an accident?” Twilight questioned.

“From what Apple Bloom told me, Green was so delirious she thought the crusaders were a pack of Timberwolves.” 

“Is she still-”

“No,” Applejack quickly clarified, “She knows what’s going on now, she’s just… terrified. She doesn’t have anypony to turn to.”

“She has you.” Twilight placed a hoof on her friend’s shoulder.

“Maybe not.”

“You’re having second thoughts?”

“Not at all, Ah just - Ah don’t think she likes me.” Applejack replied

“She barely knows you.”

“She knows of me,” Applejack explained, “And the thought of tha’ element of Honesty punishin’ her for lying scares tha’ piss outta her.”

“You mean literally, or...” Twilight trailed off.

It took the farm pony a moment to realise what Twilight was implying.

“This ain’t a joking matter, Twi.” Applejack chided.

“It was an honest question,” Twilight blushed, “Sometimes when a filly her age gets very scared or very excited, certain... things... can happen.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Are ya speaking from experience?”

“What?” Twilight’s blush deepened, “No! Of course not!”

Applejack gave a knowing smile. “Whatever you say, Princess.”

“H-hey!” Twilight sputtered, “Don’t use your honesty powers on me!”

“Ah keep tellin’ y’all ah don’t have any freaky mind readin’ powers,” Applejack snorted. “Y’all just ain’t that good at fibbin’.”

Twilight huffed and tried to set her ruffled feathers straight.

“Yer secret is safe with me, Princess Sprinkle.” Applejack giggled.

“Hey- is that Princess Luna?” Twilight interrupted loudly.

“Where-” Applejack’s question was interrupted by a sudden flash of magenta as Twilight dragged her into a rougher-than-necessary teleport. The two popped into existence in front of the hospital just in time to see Luna’s air chariot coming in for a landing.

“Land sakes girl,” Applejack admonished, “Warn a pony before you go and do that.”

Twilight smiled sheepishly.

“Well met, Twilight Sparkle.” Luna greeted, stepping off of her chariot.

Applejack briefly bowed to Luna. Twilight twitched slightly as she almost bowed, but remembered she was a Princess too. 

“Rise, Applejack,” Luna commanded, “You need not be so formal whilst we are among friends.”

“We were hoping that after the meeting concludes we might engage in some stargazing.” Luna had a giddy sense of excitement as she suggested this. “We have made a few changes to the night sky and would be interested to hear your opinion.”

“Ugh,” Twilight huffed in frustration, “Can’t anypony take this seriously? We’re here to discuss serious matters.”

Luna’s good cheer seemed to evaporate, her face becoming an unreadable mask, the shadows around her seeming to darken slightly.

“Do not mistake our good cheer for a lack of resolve, young princess.” Luna spoke. “Those who would seek to harm the least of our subjects shall face our wrath. Every day, somewhere in Equestria, a pony is having the worst day of their life, yet for us it is merely Tuesday. It is noble to do what you can for your subjects, but you serve nopony by drowning yourself in their misery.”

Twilight swallowed nervously. Applejack, sensing her friend's discomfort, looked for a way to change the subject. She spotted the small thestral that Luna had brought with her and walked towards him.

“And who’s this little one?” Applejack moved to pet the young thestral’s mane, only to yelp in surprise as the pony nipped at her hoof with sharp teeth. Luna glared at him. 

Mango shrunk even lower than his usual, already-modest height.

“This is Corporal Mango,” Luna explained, “One of my guards, and he does not normally behave so childishly. Come, all of you, we shall speak more inside.”




> A Little Greenhorn
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paper Stack resisted the urge to trot in place like a filly who needed to use the restroom, instead taking a seat near the head of the long conference table. She couldn’t help but nervously tap her hoof as she fretted over the room’s lighting. At first, she had thought to leave all the lights on full brightness to show that the hospital was fully operational during Princess Luna’s night, but then she had wondered if having the lights so bright would be an insult to the night and the work that Princess did making the beautiful night sky.

In sharp contrast to Paper Stack’s excess energy, Redheart walked with the exaggerated deliberation of a pony that wasn’t entirely sure of their balance; her focus on ensuring the precious coffee cradled in her fetlock would not spill. The mare let out an explosive sigh as she took her seat next to Paperstack. Redheart’s eyes closed for a moment before she shook her head and took a sip of her coffee. The bitter triple-strength instant coffee was scalding hot and the nurse grumbled as it burned the top of her mouth slightly. 

The Orthopedic surgeon Dr. Stone sat across from the mares and his expression was true to his namesake. Beside him, Dr. Asure Light, Green’s Neurologist was arranging some notes in front of her, but it was clear from the small number of pages and her lack of focus that her fidgeting served no real purpose.

Dayglow sat down next to Redheart and the fluro pegasus gave her friend a comforting shoulder squeeze. The doors opened and everypony turned in unison, but rather than the Alicorn they were expecting they were met with an aggravated Dr. Red Cross. He made his way over to Paperstack and spoke to her in a slightly hushed tone as if everypony else in the room couldn’t hear him easily.

“Alright, I’m here,” He stated. “But I can’t stay long, I’ve had to leave an intern in charge of the ER.”

“Is Emergency busy tonight?” Paper Stack queried.

“Well, not yet.” The stallion admitted.

“Do you have any critical patients?” She pushed.

“No.” The stallion sighed, “But-”

“Then they’ll be fine.” Paper Stack cut him off, “If anything happens I’m sure they’ll come get you. This is no different from you taking lunch in the break room.”

Not wanting to press the administrator further, the doctor took a seat next to Dayglow so he was closest to the door.

“Did Princess Luna really ask for this meeting to be in the middle of the night?” Red Cross grumbled. “Doesn’t she have any consideration for other ponies’ sleep schedule?”

Paperstack shot him a glare.

“She didn’t have to ask!” She said curtly, “We work to the Princess’ schedule, not the other way around.”

Red Cross was about to respond when the doors opened, but nopony was there.

At the sound of somepony clearing their throat, they sat up in their seats so they could see over the table. A tiny Thestral flapped his wings once to spring up onto the table. He was well-muscled and his keen eyes swept across the room looking for anything out of place. After a moment of observation, he spoke.

“Announcing her majesty Princess Luna, her highness Princess Sparkle, and company.” The small bat spoke officiously.

The ponies at the table rose from their seats, turning their attention to the door. Paperstack had to nudge Redheart to break the trance-like stare she was giving her coffee cup.





Twilight had protested when Mango insisted on checking the room before they entered. She and Princess Luna were two of the most powerful beings in Equestria and they hardly needed bodyguards in Ponyville of all places. Luna merely smiled and told her to let Mango do his job, however unnecessary it might be.

For Twilight it was still profoundly awkward to see ponies bowing to her. Luna easily took it in stride, walking around to take her seat on the provided cushion at the head of the table; the hospital likely had no chairs to fit her frame. Despite this, she remained at eye level with the assembled ponies. Luna gave Mango a glance as if to question why he was standing on the table, but she remained silent. Mango leapt off the table and quickly replaced Princess Twilight’s pillow with a chair so that the smaller princess could see over the edge. Applejack grabbed a chair for herself and seated herself next to Twilight.

Mango gave AJ a harsh look but didn’t challenge the mare’s decision to seat herself at the head of the table with the princesses. The guard took up a position in a corner of the room where he could see the entrance and the windows.

“You may be seated,” Luna granted.

“Princess Luna, Princess Twilight,” Paper Stack greeted, “You honor us with your presence. I hope you were not inconvenienced.”

“The timing is most agreeable to us, but we grow concerned that our presence here has disrupted the work you do here,” Luna replied, “We would not wish to take your time away from caring for sick ponies.”

“Princess, I assure you that our quality of care will not be affected,” Paper Stack explained, “A progress review meeting is a normal part of our routine, to ensure patients are being treated in accordance with best practice.”

“Naturally. And are these meetings typically held so late at night?”

“With the twenty-four-hour nature of our work progress review meetings can be held at whatever time is necessary.”

“Verily,” Luna decided not to press the administrator on her obvious half-truth. “You may proceed.”

“Since there are some non-medical ponies present I will remind everypony that any specific information about the patient is considered confidential and should not be disclosed to anypony not involved in her treatment without the permission of the patient and her appointed guardian.” Paper Stack instructed.

After a moment of tense silence, Dr Stone was the first to speak.

“The patient suffered a simple transverse fracture of the cannon bone with displacement and a comminuted fracture to her long pastern.” The unicorn stallion spoke in a monotone, “Injuries were consistent with a high energy impact to her lower left foreleg. I performed a Coltfield-Cooper lateral comparative symmetry relocation. The long pastern needed additional stabilization so a tri-axial mana-guided closed-field internal fixation was executed with a standard pattern seven technique requiring six point three inches of Mythril bio-thaumatic wire and four anchor screws. The operation was successful and the probability of further complications is less than one percent.”

Paperstack managed to pre-empt the inevitable demand from the princess that he ‘speak Equish’ and quickly summarised.

“Her leg was badly broken, but she will make a full recovery,” Paperstack struggled not to roll her eyes in exasperation at the oblivious doctor. “Red Cross, you were the first to see Green, perhaps you can give us a better overview?”

Dr. Cross swallowed nervously and wished he had some papers in front of him to pretend to shuffle. 

“‘Green’ is a unicorn filly presenting to the emergency room with confusion, reduced level of consciousness, and a broken foreleg,” The earth pony stallion said, “Witnesses report she was found in the Everfree Forest injured and confused. When we were unable to determine her identity I ordered a muzzle to tail assessment, blood and urine tests, dental X-ray to determine her age, a head CT to rule out brain injury and X-rays to assess her injured leg. The on-call radiologist confirmed there was no brain injury so I referred Green to Dr. Stone in orthopedics.”

“We are unfamiliar with much of what you have described,” Luna queried, “Tell us truly, what was her condition when you first saw her?”

“She was barely conscious, feverish, too confused to answer questions. Her coat was dirty, covered in scrapes and bruises, and her foreleg was badly broken,” Dr. Cross described. “She seemed to be in a great deal of pain but we could not administer any pain relief for fear of masking her neurological symptoms.”

The words stung Luna more than she had expected. She couldn’t help but feel she was somehow responsible. After all, it was her failure to locate the filly that had led to the child’s injury. 

“In her dreams, the filly hath let slip to us that ‘twas not the first time she has been injured so.” Luna said bitterly, “What else dist thou find in your assessment?”

“My apologies, your majesty, I found no sign of past injuries,” Dr. Cross admitted, “I can’t say definitively without a skeletal survey, but if she did have a previous fracture it is well healed.”

The gathered ponies were somewhat surprised when Applejack spoke next.

“Beggin’ yer pardon Princess, but are ya sure she meant what she said?” Applejack questioned. “When mah sister an’ her friends found her Green was so out of sorts she couldn’t tell a pony from a Timberwolf.”

“Princess, if I may?” Dr. Azure Light interjected, receiving a nod from Luna before she continued. “I am Green’s Neurologist. On review, I believe that her delirium and short term memory loss were caused by a combination of factors. On admission, her pain, fever, and exhaustion were the proximate cause, but it’s likely that the medications we used to anesthetize her for surgery and later to relieve her pain exacerbated the problem. When we reduced her opiates she became lucid.”

“When the filly spoke with us she claimed to remember nothing of her life before the forest.” Luna questioned, “Surely this implies long term memory loss?”

“Based on what I’ve read from her notes-”

“Have you spoken with ‘Green’?” Luna interrupted.

“My apologies, your majesty,” Azure Light said, “I was due to meet with Green earlier today but she had some form of magical incident that required urgent testing and I was unable to do so.”

Twilight’s eyes lit up with intense curiosity but before she was able to formulate a good question Luna had pushed the conversation on.

The night princess sighed. “Please, continue.”

“From what the information I’ve been able to gather it seems unlikely that her retrograde amnesia has a neurological cause. She could have suffered a psychological trauma that is repressing those memories, but most likely she simply doesn’t want to tell us. This is pending a neurological assessment in pony, but if she’s not cooperative then it will be difficult to get a definitive answer.

“When we spoke she was lucid, though frightened and wary beyond her years,” Luna replied. “She did not mean to tell us about her previous injuries, so we can be sure she was not trying to deceive us. Her attempt to hide it, combined with her general demeanor paint a most troubling picture.

“Oh...” Applejack said, frowning. 

“Though she did claim that she did not remember if it was her or… Somepony else, ” The elder princess said. “But that does not leave out the option. Are you certain that you haven’t found any healed injuries?”

“We examined her quite thoroughly, though it wasn’t a forensic investigation,” Dr. Cross explained. “We were looking for anything that was immediately relevant. I haven’t met with her again since her admission,”

“You speak of investigation, but we have to wonder,” Luna asked, “What has been done to investigate her identity?”

“When she was not immediately identifiable I requested a social worker review, as is standard for unaccompanied minors.” Dr. Cross replied. “Dayglow is handling her case, so she would be better able to answer questions relating to that.”

“Understandable.”

“I’m afraid there’s little else I can be of use for,” Without waiting for the Princess to dismiss him, Dr. Cross rose from his seat, earning him a stern glare from Mango. “If there are no further questions I should be getting back to the Emergency department.”

“Very well,” Luna commanded, “We shall not keep you from your work longer than necessary. You may leave us.”

“Your Majesty,” The Earthpony bowed to Princess Luna before turning and bowing to Princess Twilight, “Your Highness.”





“Unfortunately there has been little progress on identifying the filly,” Dayglow lamented, “Initially she was too confused to know what was going on, and now that she’s recovered she’s refusing to answer any questions. She doesn’t match any missing ponies in our archives, and she’s never been admitted to a local hospital, or attended any of the nearby schools. I’ve sent letters to my colleagues in nearby towns and cities, but I haven’t had any positive responses yet.”

“Is this sort of situation common in modern Equestria?” Princess Luna asked

“It’s certainly very unusual in a small town like Ponyville,” Dayglow responded, “But larger cities like Baltimare and Manehattan have their share of runaways and it can take time to identify them if they are uncooperative. In most cases, it all ends up being an overreaction or misunderstanding, and they end up being returned to their parents. You hope for the best in these situations, but it’s our job to prepare for the worst.”

“What is the best hope for Green?” The princess inquired.

“Everything we’ve observed with Green seems to point in a certain direction,” Dayglow explained, “She’s touch-shy, but that could just be skittishness from stress; she is very mistrustful, but we’re all strangers to her so some hesitance is expected; she’s terrified of us finding out who she is, and our assumption is that it’s because she is afraid of being sent home, but we don’t know why she is afraid. Children have trouble evaluating how important something really is; They might break their mother’s fine porcelain and think it’s the worst crime imaginable, that they have to run away from home and keep it a secret from everypony.”

The fluorescent pegasus sighed and looked downcast.

“That’s what I hope is the case,” The mare swallowed, “But the more we learn, the less likely that seems. She’s determined to hide something from us, but when she was recovering from anesthesia she said-”

The mare looked down at Green’s patient notes to read verbatim.

“She remembers a ‘guy’ telling her that he was going to “make her a mare” before being left alone in the forest,” Dayglow looked up. “She didn’t seem to understand what that meant, but the implication is clear.”

The expressions in the room ranged from sickened to vengeful.

“Thankfully, when she was examined, we found no signs of sexual trauma,” She continued. “And at her age, they would not be subtle. So whatever he intended it seems she got away.”

“If this were the case, surely she would tell us.”

“I’m afraid it’s not so simple, your Majesty. In these cases, the perpetrator is usually somepony the victim trusts, and Green didn’t understand what was going on. She most likely feels like she has done something wrong.

When your guards came to interview her she was still delirious but she was cognizant enough to remember that she wasn’t ‘supposed’ to tell us about what happened. She denied that she had ever been touched inappropriately, but she became increasingly distressed and told us we had the wrong idea,” Dayglow growled. “Somepony groomed her. They convinced her that they were the only pony in the world she could trust; then they did something that made her feel so unsafe she had to run away.”

“If she will not tell us, there are other means by which we can extract their names from her mind,” Luna stated with an intense look in her eyes.

“Your Majesty, I urge you to reconsider,” Dr. Azure Light countered. “Using mind magic on children is unpredictable at the best of times, and in Green’s case, some amount of psychological harm is a near certainty. By my oath as a physician I cannot abide in any course of action that would harm my patient, not even to save other fillies from this monster.”

“While I didn’t swear an oath, it is my duty to be an advocate for my client.” Dayglow added, “Green is not a criminal and we must consider her best interests first with any decision we make here. We are trying to build up her trust; if we violate the privacy of her mind she may never feel safe around ponies of authority again.”

“We thank you for your wise counsel,” Luna replied. “It would not do to act rashly in such a delicate situation. With that in mind, I should inform you that I intend to take Green as my ward.”
> Musical Interlude
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I was not a filly, I found it rather silly
To think that I would be a pony here one day
I had fanfics to read, didn't know that I should even heed
Threats of Marehood that left me here to stay
You should be careful what you ask for, I don't know if this life's for meeee!

I'm a pony, trapped here forever!
Now my pe-nis is gone and my links to home are severed
And though I'm oh so far a way, I wish that I could saaay,
That I wasn't trapped here foreveeeeer
and now I see that I'm really not, so cleveeeeeer

> It's not RAD
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

An awkward silence filled the room and meaningful glances were exchanged. Nurse Redheart’s coffee seemed to have taken effect and she placed a hoof on Dayglow’s foreleg to give her the emotional support needed to press on.

“Your Majesty, I don’t question your motives, nor your ability to care for the child,” Dayglow swallowed dryly, “But I have concerns.”

“We shall hear them,” Said Luna. “Feel free to speak your mind.”

“Green is very anxious about other ponies finding things out about her. Being placed in a highly public position is going to be difficult for her to cope with,” Dayglow explained. “At the same time, she can’t be sequestered away to protect her from public scrutiny because she needs to be socialized; she’s already afraid of other ponies and the last thing we want is to legitimize that fear by telling her she needs to hide from the general public.”

“When she presented herself to us in her dreams she displayed a remarkable level of control for somepony so young,” Luna said, “If we do not take the filly under our wing I feel a great opportunity will have been missed. We will work with her to manage her anxiety - as the guardian of dreams we challenge thee to find somepony more experienced in dealing with such matters.”

“Green’s guardianship is still undecided,” Dayglow said. “I’ll take her majesty’s offer into consideration when I make my recommendation. I will, of course, bow to your absolute authority should you choose to exercise it.”

“Before we make any decision we should hear all the facts,” Paperstack said. “Redheart, you have been Green’s primary nurse for the last two days, what is your assessment?”

“On the first day I took care of Green she was still delirious and when I introduced myself as her nurse, she told me that she was a nurse too.” Redheart said, “She was very hesitant and asked for help with everything. At first, I thought she was just desperate for equine contact, but she also seemed ashamed for needing help and would cry and apologize for ‘wasting our time’.”

Redheart looked downcast.

“I tried to reassure her, but after a few minutes she couldn’t remember anything I’d said.” Redheart continued, “She had enough awareness to read the name off of her ID bracelet, but claimed she didn’t remember her own name. She kept telling me that she was a pony, but I’m not sure what exactly she meant by that.”

“Before you ask, yes, we did check if she was a Changeling,” Paperstack said.

“We would not have asked,” Luna said. “Her behavior is not at all consistent with a changeling infiltrator, but we suppose it is good to be certain.”

“Night Shift reported that during the night Green wandered into another patient’s room and introduced herself as the patient’s nurse.” Redheart continued, “Either she honestly believed herself to be a nurse, or she was just playing pretend. I noticed that Green was given morphine by evening shift before she went to bed, so it’s possible her increased confusion was a result of that.”

“When I cared for Green again the following morning Green was less confused, but still claimed to have no memory of what happened to her.” Redheart said, “She also claimed to have no grip in her hooves. Her lack of hoofgrip was reported to doctor Redcross who instructed us to record it as non-compliance pending a review.”

“Her lack of coordination makes her appear much younger than she is, watching her walk I was worried she was going to flop like a newborn.” Redheart said, “Listening to her speak you’d think she was a teenager. She’s clever and has a good vocabulary, but she’s still at the stage where she thinks that nopony else could understand what she’s going through. She lies constantly and thinks nopony will notice, so that does show a certain level of immaturity. She did manage to trick one of my trainees into letting her read her patient notes.”

“She’s having panic attacks, but she also has techniques to cope with them that were clearly trained.” Redheart said, “That along with her general familiarity with hospital procedures suggests that she’s spent some time in a hospital; if she told the princess she’s experienced this type of injury before I would be inclined to believe her.”

“Her sense of humor is dark, she’s making jokes about things somepony her age shouldn’t really be thinking about, but if it helps her cope I’m not about to scold her for it.” Redheart said.“I thought I had a pretty good idea of what was going on with Green - until she had a magic surge.”

“A magic surge?” Twilight asked, “You’re sure?”

“Well I’m no unicorn your highness,” Redheart explained, “But my trainee who witnessed it was and he assured me that it’s not something she could have faked. The burst of unstructured magic was felt by ponies several rooms away, and afterwards she fainted and had to be treated for magical exhaustion.”

“We thought you might be interested to see her thaumatology results, so here’s a copy.” Paperstack provided the younger princess with a stack of papers, “In summary; there’s nothing wrong with her magical pathways, certainly nothing to explain her magic surge, and as you’re no doubt aware a magic surge in a child her age is virtually unheard of.”

“That’s putting it mildly.” Dr. Azure Light said, “Until yesterday the only recorded case of a foal experiencing a magic surge this late was her Highness.”

It took Twilight a moment to realize what the doctor was saying. “Wait, you mean- oh Celestia,” Twilight grasped the edge of the table, “She didn’t hurt anypony did she?”

“No, your Highness,” Redheart reassured, “She used up her entire mana pool, but so far her magical potential is not in the same magnitude as yours.”

“Her mana pool is within the normal range for her age group.” Dr. Azure Light explained, “Most unicorns her age have difficulty expressing their magic though. Learning to keep their magic contained is something that happens naturally during infancy. When we teach older children to cast spells deliberately they have to work against their natural reflex to pull their mana back.”

“Have you read any of the studies about the effects of a low-magic environment on childhood development?” Twilight queried.

“Not that I recall, your highness,” Azure Light answered, “I assume it would in some way stunt the development of their thaumic system?”

“Actually it’s very much the opposite,” Twilight went into lecture mode, “Ponies that grow up in an environment with very little magic have overdeveloped thaumic pathways which allow them to use small amounts of magic more efficiently. Fine control is difficult for them however since -”

“Twilight, I’m sure this is fascinating, but what does it have to do with Green?” Luna cut in.

“Right, heh,” Twilight said, “Green’s thaumic pathways, you tested them?”

“We did, Your Highness,” Azure Light answered, “They were within normal variation; neither atrophied, nor overdeveloped, which is one of the reasons her claim to have no hoof grip doesn’t make sense. If she was unable to use her magic at all from age zero to eight then we would be able to tell.”

“Why would she lie about that?” Asked Applejack.

“I’m not an expert in foal psychology, but that type of behavior is typically associated with an attachment disorder.” Dayglow said, “When a foal is very young if they don’t develop a secure bond with their caregiver they resort to different behaviors to get their caregiver to give them attention. It may be a little premature before Green has seen a psychiatrist, but-”

The mare looked down and began searching through her bag. After an awkward silence, it became clear that she couldn’t find what she was looking for.

“Applejack,” Dayglow asked, “Do you still have that pamphlet I gave you earlier?”

Applejack pulled a pamphlet from under her hat.

“Reactive Attachment Disorder?” She read off the paper.

“It’s common among foals in the foster care system.” Dayglow explained, “Neglect or abuse in early development, or being separated from a caregiver they have bonded with, prevents the foal from forming a secure attachment. They have difficulty trusting others, poor self-worth, anger, and a need to feel in control. They’re willful and disobedient, sometimes they lie pathologically. They want to get attention and care, but they feel like they have to do something to get it. Some of them are very quiet and don’t show any emotion in case it makes you angry and you abandon them, others act out and scream and cry about minor things, acting like they’re helpless because they’re afraid they’ll be ignored otherwise.”

“It does seem to fit,” Redheart admitted. “Although Green seems more willing to use manipulation to get what she wants than outright disobedience.”

“She disobeyed our orders when we were searching for her in the forest,” Luna countered, “Even when it put her at great risk, she wanted to be in control of her rescue rather than leaving her fate in the hooves of others.”

“It’s too early to pathologize her behavior,” Azure Light argued, “We haven’t seen how she acts in a comfortable setting.”

“I’m not sure there’s such a thing as a comfortable setting for her at the moment.” Dayglow countered, “Attachment disorders are on a spectrum, you’d be hard-pressed to find any abused foal who didn’t have an attachment disorder to some degree. The ‘treatment’ is essentially just good parenting, though the trauma they’ve suffered makes that much more difficult. Fundamentally, it’s an inability to trust.”

“What exactly do you mean by ‘good parenting’?” Asked Applejack. “I’m not even a real parent, are you sure there’s not somepony more qualified?”

“She needs somepony to be dependable; firm, yet forgiving.” Dayglow explained, “Somepony to help her work through her anxiety, to cope with her stress, and to show her that she can trust them to always be there for her. I’m not going to sugar coat it; it’s going to be very frustrating, for you and for her, but if you stick to it then it will be very rewarding - and we’ll be here to give you whatever support you need.”

“I’m sure you can do it.” Said Twilight, “You’re the most dependable pony I know.”

“You were there Dayglow,” Applejack said, “She was so terrified of me that she threw up all over herself, are you sure it’s a good idea for me to be the one taking care of her? And I wouldn’t know the first thing about helping her with her magic problems.”

Applejack chewed her lip nervously.

“It’s not that I don’t want to help, it’s just...” Applejack said, “To be honest I didn’t know what I was signing up for and it frightens me a little. What if I get this wrong and I end up making things worse?”

“If you weren’t at least a little worried I’d be concerned you weren’t taking this seriously.” Dayglow consoled, “The important thing to remember is that you don’t have to do this alone - I’ll be working to make sure that you have a strong support network to call on. I also have some parenting classes which I think would be helpful, as well as counseling, for you and for Green. At the moment this is just a foster placement, but from what little we know about her past it’s likely that she will need somepony to adopt her.”

“Our goal in taking Green as our ward is not merely to have her for ourselves, but to ensure she receives the best care possible.” Luna said, “While we are sure your facilities are adequate for caring for the ponies of Ponyville this is still a small facility, without a dedicated pediatric ward. In Canterlot Green would be able to receive more specialized care.”

“With respect, your majesty,” Azure Light responded before Paperstack could begin her defense of the hospital, “If Green had a safe home to return to she could be discharged tomor- today.”

The doctor corrected herself, seeing it was after midnight.

“She will need outpatient treatment and followup, but none of her injuries are serious enough to require hospitalization.” Azure Light said.

“I’ll need a repeat x-ray to ensure her foreleg is healing correctly, and she will need to come in next week to have her cast removed.” Dr. Stone explained in his monotone, “If she were one of my regular patients I would have discharged her yesterday morning. Extended hospital stays are statistically inadvisable.”

“We’re getting ahead of ourselves,” Paperstack said, “We should finish reviewing the case before we start talking about future plans. Redheart, you were telling us about Green’s magic surge?”

“Did anything happen that might have triggered the magic surge?” Twilight jumped back into the conversation, “My magic surge was triggered by a wave of magic that later turned out to be a Sonic Rainboom. I don’t think Rainbow was practicing her one yesterday, but I can definitely ask.”

Redheart looked uncomfortable at the question.

“Green’s magic surge actually seems to have been triggered by my trainee,” Redheart explained. “Apparently he had been helping his baby sister with thaumic field pressure sensitization exercises and decided to try them out on a patient without consulting anypony.”

Luna looked displeased at this revelation.

“I’ll want to speak with him tomorrow.” Said Twilight. “That type of exercise should be very safe so I don’t see the harm in him trying it, but I want to know exactly what he did.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged, your Highness,” Redheart said. “After Green’s tests in thaumatology she slept for a couple of hours and I placed her under the care of Soothing Melody, another of my trainees. When Green woke she met with Dayglow and Applejack, and you all heard how that went. When Melody was showering Green she described the filly as ‘submissive’ and emotionally flat, until she touched the filly’s flank. Green panicked and covered herself with her tail while she did breathing exercises - and then the filly apologized to Melody for getting scared. When I talked to Green she denied anything happened at all.”

“So she feels like she needs to cover for other ponies.” Dayglow commented, “That’s not a good sign.”

“If she’s trying to cover for Melody she’s not doing a very good job,” Twilight noted. “By saying nothing happened she’s making it seem like something much worse happened.”

“She was in a lot of pain.” Redheart explained, “And it was the end of a very stressful day, she probably wasn’t thinking clearly - she denied pain as well, even though I could see it on her face plain as day. It seems like she’s getting very frustrated.”
> Supplemental: Patient Notes 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Top Five Care Tips!
Personalized Confused Patient Management Strategy Documentation
Form #73-219A

Please help the patient to fill in the spaces below. If the patient is unable or non-compliant, fill in the answers for them as best as you are able. Each point should be in the form of an 'I' statement.

Hi, my name is Patient Name, but I prefer to be called Green.



I have short term memory loss so I may forget where I am and what I’m doing, please reorient and give reassurance

I startle easily so be sure to introduce yourself and tell me what you’re doing before you touch me

I like to talk about nursing, sometimes I like to pretend I’m a nurse too!

I won’t tell you if I’m in pain so look for non-verbal signs of distress

I can mobilise independently but I require supervision and assistance with all ADLs

> It's the Little Things
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I lay in the hospital bed, my broken leg propped up on a pillow. The ponies around me bustled about, tending to their tasks, but I couldn't help feeling alone. I hadn't told anyone the truth, and I knew what they all thought about me; Why I always got those looks of sympathy that I didn’t truly deserve.

As I stared at the ceiling, lost in thought, the door to my room opened and a small bat pony walked in. I had never seen him before, and I wondered if he was another patient, or a child they had sent here for some sort of playdate. I really hoped that wasn’t the case.

"Hello little colt," Amethyst greeted, "Are you here to see Green?"

The bat pony looked taken aback. "I'm not a colt," he said, a hint of insecurity in his voice.

Amethyst looked confused.

The bat pony, looked offended. "I am an adult bat pony," he said sternly. "And I am here on behalf of Princess Luna to speak with the filly."

Amethyst's eyes widened. "Oh, I'm so sorry," he said, blushing. "I didn't mean to make assumptions."

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself at the irony of the situation. "Of course," I said, "As someone who has never been mistaken for a child, I can only imagine what it must be like."

The bat pony sighed and tried to compose himself. "It's fine," he said. "I'm Corporal Mango, one of Princess Luna's guards. May I speak with the filly?"

“O-of course sir.” Amethyst replied.

Mango gave me a small smile, clearly trying to move past the awkward introduction. "Nice to meet you too," he said. "Now, let's get down to business. Princess Luna has asked me to speak with the filly about her situation."

"Are you a doctor now too, corporal?" I asked.

Mango looked at me with a mix of confusion and amusement. "Not exactly the situation I meant, filly." he said.

I felt a twinge of guilt for being so snarky. It wasn't Mango's fault that I was in this situation. "I'm Green," I said, offering him a small smile. "It's nice to meet you, Mango."

"What's a pretty filly like you doing with the name of a dead pony?" Mango mused.

He was bad at this. I knew that he was supposed to be comforting me, but he clearly wasn't used to speaking to children. The stern look Amethyst was giving him clued him in to what he had done wrong.

"What's wrong with my name?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"Nothing," Mango replied quickly, "it's just... coat color names is how we refer ponies we can't identify, and that usually means that they're, err, not alive."

Oh. I was a Jane Doe. I guess that made sense.

"I can't remember my real name." I said softly. "I just wake up every morning and ponies call me Green. So that's what I'm going to keep calling myself."

Seemed like as good an excuse as any.

"That's a shame," Mango said.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I was originally here to bring you back to the palace," Mango explained, "but it seems the Princess has had a change of heart."

"A change of heart?" I repeated, confused.

"She believes that you will be more comfortable here than you would be in Canterlot." Mango replied. "But if you require anything from her please don't hesitate to ask."

I felt like there was some context I was missing here.

"That's very kind of her." I said. "Thank you."

Mango nodded once then turned to leave. "If you need anything at all ." He added. "Her majesty is just a letter away.”

And with that he left. I looked over at Amethyst.

“That was weird right?” I asked, “It’s not just me?”

“Yeah,” He agreed, “I’ve never seen a guard on duty without their armor.”

Not exactly what I meant.





I was laying in my hospital bed, staring at the ceiling as the social worker, Dayglow, talked about the possibility of foster care. I wasn’t really listening to what she was saying. I didn't want to leave the hospital. It was the only place I felt safe. But then Dayglow mentioned the name that made my heart race. Applejack. The last time I saw her, I was so nervous that I threw up on her hooves.

I shook my head, trying to push the thoughts out of my mind. I couldn't take advantage of their sympathy like this. I was a grown adult, not a child. But as I thought about it more, the idea of staying with Applejack on a temporary basis started to seem less scary. At least she would be honest with me. At least with her, I knew where I stood. I sighed and looked over at Dayglow.

"Okay," I said quietly. "I'll stay with Applejack for now, if she’ll have me."

I just hoped I wouldn't make a complete mess of things this time; for her carpet’s sake if nothing else.
> To Greener Pastures
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After hearing Green’s care plan, Applejack felt much better about taking her in. It didn’t hurt that the filly had taken a real shine to her when they met for a second time. All she really needed to do was be stable, dependable, and caring.

As they walked through the cool evening air the filly stuck close by her side. Applejack felt a little proud that the filly trusted her and felt a protective instinct overcome her. She was determined to live up to that trust. She knew Green wasn’t her filly, she was just taking care of her for a while; Dayglow had been clear with both of them that this wasn’t an adoption and that they shouldn’t think of it as such; It was important to manage expectations. Oddly this had seemed to make the filly feel more relieved than disappointed. 





When I saw the lights were off and all of the curtains drawn I looked over to Applejack and noted the slight knowing smile on her face. I had a feeling I knew what was coming, but the thought filled me with dread. I tried not to show it.

Applejack opened the door and allowed me to enter first. She closed the door behind us without turning on the lights, and I steeled myself against what was to come. It didn’t help.

“SURPRISE!” A chorus of voices called out as the lights flashed on. 

Every single eye was on me. Most of them from above my height. Anxiety twisted in my gut.

“Aww, she’s so surprised she’s speechless!” Pinkie Pie giggled.

I was struggling to keep a smile on my face, and I felt a warmth on my back as I realized that I was subconsciously trying to hide underneath Applejack. My face blushed red with embarrassment. I had to get out of here, but I couldn’t just run away or ponies would worry.

“I need to go to the bathroom real quick,” I said

“Down the hall and first door on the left.” Applejack instructed, “Did you, uh, need some hel-”

“I’ll be fine thanks,” I said quickly.

As soon as I had the door closed I let my smile drop and I heaved a breath. My heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my teeth. A panic attack. Great. Just what I needed. I had been nervous around social situations as a human, but nothing like this. I looked in the mirror and my reflection looked pitiful. Seeing a tiny creature so distressed made my heartache... for myself. I did some breathing exercises and made use of the facilities - it wouldn’t do to return to the bathroom too quickly and have someone wonder if I was hiding in the bathroom to avoid my own party.

Alright, alright. Pinkie probably went to a lot of trouble to organize this party and if she thinks you’re not enjoying it she’ll be crushed. So enjoy yourself dammit. Fun is mandatory. I managed to make myself giggle at my own stupid joke. Alright so you’re going to meet a lot of ponies, and you’re not going to remember their names but that’s okay, right? There’s so many, so that’s a good excuse. They’re all just going to be seeing you for the first time and getting first impressions that you can never take back and they’ll see right through you and know you’re faking it and they’ll take it as an insult like you’re saying that they’re not worth your time and then nopony will like yo-

“Stop,” I said under my breath. “Breathe.”

I took a deep breath, and prepared to walk out of the bathroom. I’d already taken too long and I didn’t want anypony to worry. Alright, you just need to keep this up for a couple of hours and then you can say you’re tired. That’s fine, you’re a child so ponies won’t think anything of it. Alright, deep breath.

I looked back in the mirror to confirm that I had a happy expression on my face, taking note of my ears which had betrayed me before. I still couldn’t control exactly what they did, but by focusing on listening for sounds in front of me I could keep them from folding flat against my head. Satisfied, I pushed the door open and winced at the volume of all the ponies chatting excitedly. I didn’t like being in a crowd at the best of times, and with my more sensitive hearing, it was that much worse.

Applejack and Pinkie were making a beeline for me and I mentally prepared what I was going to say, and tried to make sure my smile didn’t look forced.

“So, were you surprised Greenie? Were you, were you?” Pinkie asked excitedly.

“I was very surprised Pinkie,” I tried to giggle, but I was terrified that she wouldn’t buy it, “You nearly surprised the pee right out of me!”

“Oh no!” Pinkie said, “That would be TOO surprised and you would be SUPER embarrassed in front of everypony and they would all be staring at-”

AJ stuck a hoof in Pinkie’s mouth. “Yes Pinkie, we get the picture. Now if you’ll excuse us I need to show Green what room she’ll be staying in.”

As soon as we were upstairs, away from the party I sighed, tension leaving my body.

“Alright Green what’s wrong?” AJ asked. “Your tail’s wrapped around your leg so tight it’s like you’re afraid somepony’s going to bite it off.”

“What?” I lied poorly, “Nothing’s wrong I just want to get back to the party.”

I’d rather die.

AJ raised an eyebrow at me and I knew the jig was up. I crumpled to the floor, feeling sick.

“I’m not feeling well,” I explained, “But I don’t want to ruin the party for everypony. I’m too tired.”

“That’s not the whole truth,” Applejack stated, “Is it, Green? I won’t make you go back down there if you don’t want to, but you’ll feel better if you just let it out.”

I sighed.

“I’m scared of meeting other ponies, and I don’t like crowds, and I know I’m being stupid and irrational because all the ponies are probably really nice and they won’t judge me but it feels like they will and I’ll never be able to remember all of them but they’ll know me and now I’m too scared to go to the party but Pinkie worked so hard to make this party just for me and if I don’t like the party she’ll be sad and then she’ll cry and I’ll be the worst pony ever because I made Pinkie cry and then everpony will hate me, and I’ll hate me and it will all be ruined because I’m so pathetic that I can’t even, and then, but I-I can’t-”

Without even meaning to, I’d pressed my face into Applejack’s soft chest. Tears were streaming down my face and that just made me even more embarrassed. Applejack had put her foreleg around me and that actually did feel nice.

“Oh Green,” AJ squeezed me tighter, “I’m so sorry. I’m sure Pinkie wouldn’t want you to put yourself through this for her sake.”



“You can’t tell her!” I insisted, “If she knows she made me feel bad then she’ll feel bad too and it would be my fault!”

“It’s not yer fault Green,” AJ said, “You can’t help the way you feel, an’ torturin’ yourself tryin’ to convince Pinkie you’re having fun is only going to make her feel twice as bad when she realizes you were puttin’ yerself through that just to spare her feelings.”

“Can’t you just tell her I wasn’t feeling well?” I pleaded, “Her special talent is making ponies happy, so if she finds out, she’ll cry!”

“Pinkie knows all kinds of ponies, Green,” AJ consoled, “You’re not the first pony to walk out of your ‘Welcome’ party. Why, when Twilight first came to Ponyville she ditched her party to read books and Pinkie didn’t take it personal.”

Stupid, stupid. You’re catastrophizing everything. Everypony is just trying to help you and you’re screwing it all up. Stupid body. Stupid childish emotions.

“You have to give ponies a chance, Green,” AJ said, “If you’re twisting yourself into knots trying to say whatever you think they want you to say then you’re denying them the chance to actually do something nice for you.”

“I just don’t want ponies to be sad because of me.” I explained, “I know I’m being stupid and unreasonable, but I just can’t control my emotions.”

“Ponies will understand if you’re shy.” Applejack was stroking her hoof down my back. “I’m sure they can keep themselves entertained, so you’re not ruining the party at all. We’ll start small okay, how about you meet my little sister and her two friends to keep you company and I’ll go deal with the party downstairs?”

I was a bit nervous about meeting them after the impression I left on them in the forest. I glanced down at my bare flank. I guess it was inevitable that I was going to meet the Cutie Mark Crusaders so I may as well get it over with now.

Applejack misinterpreted my nervous glance.

“You don’t have to worry about them making fun of you, they don’t have their cutie marks either,” AJ explained, “They’ll probably ask you to join their little club.”

I nodded.

“Alright, Ah’ll send them up with some cake,” AJ promised. “Please don’t ever feel like you need to hide when you’re feeling sad, or scared. Ah promise Ah’ll never be mad at ya for being scared of somethin’”

“Okay,” I said in a small voice.




> The Blame Game
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Applejack left the room I felt cold. I knew this was just part of my fear response, but I still felt uncomfortable. I walked over to the bed and pulled the blanket down with my teeth. I wanted to drape it around my shoulders, but I wasn’t coordinated enough with this new body. The blanket fell in a clump and I crawled underneath it until my head poked out the other side. I almost wished AJ would come back and hug me again just for the warmth. 

Stupid, stupid, acting like a baby. I shivered and tried to draw the blanket more tightly around myself. 

I heard the Crusaders before I saw them. In this world where everyone has both hooves and excellent hearing it must be nigh impossible for ponies to sneak up on each other. Or would that be neigh impossible?

They made a fair amount of noise coming up the stairs, but slowed their pace as they approached the door. Before they entered they stopped and had a whispered conversation but it was too faint of me to make out. 

They entered as a pack, none of them wanting to be the first into the room. They didn’t immediately see me hiding under the blanket, so I spoke first.

“Hi girls,” I said.



They turned as one to face me and the first thing I noticed was the bruise on Scootaloo’s face.

“Oh, hi,” Applebloom said, “Er, Green.” 

Clearly they were awkward and hesitant around me. 

“Thanks for bringing me some cake.” I said, “You can go back to the party if you like, I don’t want you to miss it on account of me.”

“That’s alright,” said Sweetie Belle, “The party wasn’t that fun anyway.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Scootaloo, “It’s a Pinkie party, it’s going to be awesome!”

Sweetie Belle put a fetlock over her face and sighed. “We’re supposed to be making her feel better about missing the party.”

“Oh,” Scootaloo looked flustered, “I mean, uh, it wasn’t that great.”

“I don’t really like parties anyway,” I said.

The three fillies glanced at each other uncertainly. God this was awkward. Right, change the subject. I wanted to ask about the bruise on Scootaloo’s face, but that might be a sore topic.

“Thanks for saving me when I was in the forest, I wasn’t in a good way.”

“Yer welcome.”

“I’m sorry if I said anything... weird.” I apologized. “I wasn’t really thinking clearly.”

“Ya,” Scootaloo rubbed at her face, “We noticed.”

Oh no. My mind made an uncomfortable connection.

“Did you get hurt while you were rescuing me?” I asked.

“You really don’t remember, huh?” Applebloom commented.

I shook my head.

“Look it’s not a big deal!” Scootaloo insisted.

Despite her orange coat, the bruising was clearly visible. It was purplish, probably a few days old. It was a little swollen, but she wasn’t having any trouble opening her eye; probably no facial fracture.

“It looks like you got hit pretty hard. Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.

Scootaloo shook her head.

“Did you have any blurred or double vision, headaches, nausea, vomiting?” I listed off.

“Look you didn’t hit me that hard, okay?” Scootaloo snapped, “It’s fine.”

My throat was tightening. I wanted to apologize, but my body just wanted to cry.

“Oh.” I managed to choke out.

I fought back tears. Stupid body. I tried to breathe, but the lump in my throat was painful and my breath turned into a shudder. I wanted to retreat further under the blanket, but I couldn’t. This wasn’t about me, this was about Scootaloo. I was just making myself the victim by being weak. I’d hurt her and now I was going to steal all the sympathy just because I couldn’t control my emotions.

“I- I’m sorry,” I whispered, trying not to whimper. I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me.

Keep yourself together dammit!

I wasn't sure if they heard me, so I repeated myself as I stood up and shook off the blanket, though I wasn’t able to make eye contact. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, my vision was blurry with tears as I hurried out of the room, “I have to go to the-”

As I turned the corner out of the room without looking I ran into a wall of blue fur. I looked up to see Rainbow Dash looking surprised and, for some reason, guilty? I resisted the urge to throw myself into her chest and cry; instead, I just took an awkward step back. 

“Oh,” I rasped, “Er, sorry, is there a bathroom on this floor?”

She hesitated and I looked away, too ashamed to make eye contact.

“Sure,” she said, concerned, “It’s just over here. Are you okay?”

She guided me with a wing to another door along the hallway. The wing on my back gave me strength and I remembered back to what Applejack had said earlier. Clearly just keeping my emotions bottled up and under control wasn’t going to work anymore. I had to tell somepony.

I sat down on the floor and looked up at Rainbow, my gaze not quite making it to her eyes, stopping mid-chest.

“No,” I said. “I’m not okay.”

“Oh,” Rainbow had a profound sense of awkwardness in her voice, “Uh, are you having... err... bathroom... problems?”

Now it was Rainbow’s turn to look away, as she desperately searched for somepony else to handle the delicate issue. I blushed at that, and it actually helped distract me from my impending breakdown.

“I don’t have to go.” I admitted, “I just didn’t want them to see me cry.”

We both froze as we heard hoofsteps coming up the stairs.

“Rainbow? What-” AJ’s voice turned from surprise to anger as she saw me, “Are you seriously-”

“It’s alright,” Rainbow tried to placate the fuming Earthpony, “We were just talking-”

“No, it ain’t alright,” AJ stood over top of me protectively, “I can understand wanting ta protect yer little sister, but coming up here so you could ambush a little filly and give her a talking to while she’s all alone? Ah thought you were better than this.”

I was frozen. This was all my fault and I couldn’t think of the right words to defuse the situation.

“I would never!” Rainbow had raised herself off the floor, flapping her wings indignantly. “I was just showing her where the bathroom is.”

“Uh-huh.” AJ was unconvinced, “And what were ya doing up here in the first place?”

“I was,” Rainbow’s eyes shifted side to side, as if looking for something, “I was going to use the bathroom up here because the other one had a line.”

Ok. If this was the standard of lying that existed in Equestria I could definitely see why AJ didn’t need psychic powers to be the element of honesty.

AJ shook with rage as she pulled me back behind her foreleg.

“Get out.”

“W-what?” Rainbow dropped out of the air in shock.

“Y’all think ya can lie ta muh face, ambush a little filly on her way ta the bathroom in her own home where she’s suppose’ ta feel safe?” AJ yelled, “Yer no longer welcome here. Get. Out.”





“Twilight,” Rainbow said in a panic, “We have a major friendship problem!”

The Princess immediately looked at Rainbow’s cutiemark, and then to her own to check if they were glowing.

“No, not like that,” Rainbow said in exasperation, “Ugh, look, I bucked up real bad and now AJ won’t speak to me.”

There was a flash of teleportation and the two of them were suddenly standing outside.

“Alright,” said Twilight, “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“Well AJ saw me upstairs talking to Green,” Rainbow explained, “And she completely overreacted!”

“She was so frightened of other ponies she couldn’t even attend her own welcome party and then an adult she doesn’t know comes upstairs to confront her? How did you think she would react, Dash?” Twilight said.

“What?” Rainbow said, “That’s not what happened at all. Green was fine. AJ is the one that overreacted. She said I was trying to ambush a filly!”

“Rainbow, you’ve been ranting about how dangerous Green is and how she hurt Scootaloo, and then you go to confront her while she’s all alone?” Twilight asked, “Did you think for even one minute about how that might make her feel?”

“Green ran into me!” Rainbow responded, “And it looked like she was about to cry, so I asked if she was okay. That’s all that happened!”

“She just happened to bump into you.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Upstairs, away from the party, where you had no reason to be.”

“I was supervising!”

“You were eavesdropping.” Twilight surmised.

“Ugh, fine,” Rainbow admitted. “I just wanted to make sure they were safe, okay?”

“I believe you Rainbow, and I’ll talk to Applejack,” Twilight consoled, “But I think you should probably head home for the night. She’s going to need some time to cool off.”
> Calm Down Green
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

My heart pounded in my chest and I squeezed my eyes shut. I was still frozen in place - I had to say something, but I couldn’t think of the words, and the breath I was holding came out as a moan. Applejack hugged me tighter. Ugh, why was I so cold?

Get it together! You’re acting like a baby! You’re just cold because you’re panicking.

I took some deep breaths and felt the wood floor beneath me, the warmth of Applejack’s body, the steady beat of her heart.

Focus! Breathe! Say something!

“I’m sorry,” I said automatically. Not the right thing to say.

“There ain’t nothing for you to be sorry for Green.” Applejack said. “Rainbow had no right to corner you like that.”

“She didn’t corner me!” I insisted, “And she wasn’t being mean to me, please don’t be mad at her because of me!”

“Yer shakin’ like a leaf sweetpea,” Applejack said gently, “Ah, know Rainbow can be a might thoughtless but ah promise she would never actually hurt you.”

“I know,” I said, “It’s not her I’m afraid of, it’s just that -”

I clamped my mouth shut when I realized I was about to put the blame for my panic attack on Applejack. I really didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“I’m just having a panic attack for stupid reasons.”

“It’s not your fault Green.” Applejack said.

“It is my fault though.” I retorted. “I hurt Scootaloo, and that’s why Rainbow came to talk to me, and now you’re fighting with your friend because you’re worried about me. If I wasn’t here, none of this would have happened.”

“It’s not a bad thing to have ponies worry about you Green,” Applejack consoled, “It just means that they care about you.”

“Yes, it is!” I insisted, “If they’re worrying over me then they feel bad, and I don’t want them to feel bad because of me!”

“You can't stop somepony from caring about you,” Applejack said, “What you can do is let them help you.”

I rolled my eyes, but I don’t think she saw.

“If you let them help you then you’ll feel better, and they’ll feel better, an’ fore ya know it everypony will be happy again.”

I groaned at how sappy that was.

Or they’ll fail at helping me because I don’t have any willpower to change my life, and then they’ll be frustrated and I’ll feel bad for wasting their time. 

When I’d considered waiting out my second childhood I hadn’t realized it would feel this bad. What if this never went away? What if I felt this way for the rest of my life? My body felt so cold. Stupid body.





Applejack hugged the shivering filly. She had only meant to protect her, but yelling at Rainbow hadn’t been the right way to go about it, even if she did still feel completely justified.

“How are you feeling Green?” She asked.

“I’m fine.”

The filly continued to shiver, drooping her head before finally answering.

“C-cold.”

“It’s going to be alright Green.” Applejack assured. “How about I run you a nice warm bath and then you can get ready for bed. I promise nopony else will bother you.”

“O-ok.” The filly’s voice wavered like she was trying not to cry.





“That could have gone better.” Sweetie Belle said.

“Well don’t look at me,” Scootaloo responded, “I tried to tell her it was fine. Not my fault she’s such a cry baby.”

“Mah sister said that an adult treated her really badly and now she’s afraid of everypony.” Applebloom explained, “So she has to learn how to trust other ponies again, an’ mah sister is gonna help her ‘cause she’s the element of honesty.”

“Well, your sister’s doing a great job helping her trust Rainbow.” Scootaloo rolled her eyes

The crusaders stealthily made their way to the door and peeked out to see Applejack embracing Green as the filly shook. They all froze as Green spotted them and retreated further into the embrace.

“Is she still afraid of us?”





When the crusaders saw me being comforted by Applejack I was so embarrassed. Here I was acting more childish than the actual children; and my response was to shy away, like a child, which created an ever-tightening spiral of terribleness.





At my current size, the bathtub was enormous. As a human, a bathtub ended at my knees making it a cramped uncomfortable affair. I couldn’t quite swim laps in this tub, but you could easily fit three fillies my size end to end. 

My size also presented a problem; I had no idea how to climb in short of throwing myself over the side and splashing water everywhere. I was surprised when, after seeing my hesitation, Applejack picked me up by the scruff of my neck like I was a kitten. My pony body seemed to know not to flail when I was being carried like this. Rather than panicking, I went limp and actually giggled at how silly the situation must look.

The tub was only half full, so I could still touch the bottom. As I sank into the bath the water was perfectly warm and I immediately felt much more relaxed, and warm! 

“Will you be alright on your own?” Applejack asked.

I blushed at the question. I’m not sure why having help for a bath was so different from help in the shower. I guess having a shower is just for washing someone for practical reasons, a bath seemed much more awkward.

“I’ll be fine, thanks!” I said.

“Alright,” Applejack looked a bit uncertain, “Just give me a yell if you need help getting out of the tub okay?”

“Okay,” I promised.

Applejack left the room, closing the door to give me some privacy.

The feeling of being submerged with a coat of fur was indescribable. It created an odd sense of drag, like I was being pulled in a thousand directions at once. The buoyancy of my new body was about the same as a human. With some air in my lungs I could float. If I exhaled all the air from my lungs and took my hooves off the bottom I would slowly sink.

Water rushed into my nostrils. I coughed reflexively as I felt water dripping into the back of my throat, rearing my head back in a panic and shooting twin geysers of water as I breached the surface.

Note to self: Nostrils no longer face downwards.





I did manage to climb out of the bath without help, though the thumping sound made when I flopped onto the floor had Applejack knocking on the door to check if I was okay. I did need her help to dry me with a towel. I would have to find out how ponies managed that at some point; shaking like a dog seemed like it would be poor manners.

The crusaders had left the room by the time we got back, and the bed had been remade from when I’d pulled the blanket onto the floor.

Crawling under the covers I felt drained. The anxiety had finally left my body and been replaced with an all-consuming drowsiness.

“Goodnight Green,” Applejack ran a hoof through my still damp mane, “I’m sorry.”

The regret in her voice made me want to cry, she’d tried so hard for me and I’d made her feel like a failure. For once I managed to let it go.

“Goodnight Applejack,” I said.

When I thought she was out of earshot I added, “I’m sorry too.”
> I Do Not Like Them Here or There
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well, that could have gone better.” Applejack sighed.

“How is she doing?” Twilight inquired.

“Well, I got her to calm down, finally.” Applejack said. “It looks like seeing Scootaloo’s eye set her off again, and then there was Rainbow - ugh, ah really shouldn’ta yelled in front of Green, that was stupid.”

“I can certainly understand why you were mad at Rainbow,” Twilight consoled, “But she wasn’t entirely honest with you about why she was there.”

“Ah could figure that one out on my own thanks, Twi.” AJ fumed, “Dash had her all alone ‘an terrified, and then Green was trying to apologize for getting Dash in trouble.”

“What I mean is, she didn’t tell you the real reason she was up there.” Twilight explained, “Rainbow just wanted to keep an eye on them in case they started fighting. She wasn’t trying to ambush Green.”

“Well that’s still not a good enough-” Applejack stopped and sighed, “Ugh, fine. Maybe Ah did jump to conclusions, but Dash should be completely capable of explaining herself. Anyway Green's in bed now an' - aww shoot."

"What is it?"

"She hasn't eaten anythin'." Applejack said. "Ahm the worst foster parent ever, I've had her three hours and ah've already frightened her half to death and sent her to bed without dinner."





My stomach ached from hunger, and it was my own stupid fault for not eating that cake when I had the chance; Of course, the ache could also be the guilt I was feeling for screwing everything up. Not eating the cake was just one mistake on a list of many and at least hunger was a burden I could bear alone.

There was a soft knock at the door and my heart seized. What had I forgotten? Did I mess something else up without even realizing it? Maybe I had made someone feel so bad that they felt like they had to apologize to me.

My eyes widened. What if somepony told Pinkie that I didn’t like her party and it crushed her will to live because she wasn’t able to fulfill her cutiemark talent and-

I exhaled sharply and took a slow breath in. Now my chest hurt.

“Green, are you still awake?” Asked Applejack.

I breathed a sigh of relief that it was Applejack and not somepony else; and that her voice didn’t sound upset.

“Yeah,” I called back, “I’m awake.”

Applejack walked into the room and in the dim light I could make out that she had something balanced on her back.

“I noticed you didn’t  eat anythin’ so I brought ya somethin’”

“Thanks, Applejack,” I said

“Ain’t no trouble,” Applejack replied, “ can’t have ya goin’ ta bed hungry now can we?”

It smelled like... apples. Of course it was apples. I didn’t like apples, but I couldn’t very well tell Applejack that now could I? I’m pretty sure she was still in a feud with the last pony that had dared admit that in front of the apple farmer.

The apple fritter was no doubt leftovers from the party, but Applejack had gone to the trouble of reheating it and not just in a microwave (did ponies even have microwaves?). She was an excellent cook and the pastry was buttery and crispy - if it wasn’t for the filling it would have been a real treat. As it was, I was hungry enough to just eat it, so I did. I thought happy thoughts as I did so - Applejack would be able to tell if I wasn’t happy, and she would think she had done something wrong.

“Thanks Applejack,” I said, “It was really nice of you to be thinking of me.”

“Y’all were really hungry weren’t ya?” Applejack noted.

Oh no, had I eaten it too fast? I tried to feel around to see if I’d dropped any crumbs in the bed; it was too dark to see clearly.

“Ya know ya can tell me if yer hungry, right?” Applejack said, “I won’ get mad.”

Damnit, now she thinks I’m too shy to even ask for food. I mean, to be fair, I didn’t ask for food when I was hungry, but that was only because I’m tough and I didn’t want to bother anypony; and I didn’t tell her I don’t like it because disliking food which someone gives you is immature... right?

Oh god, I was shy wasn’t I? 

I managed to suppress my immediate urge to say I was sorry.

“Thanks,” I said levelly, “I’ll keep that in mind.”





A few years ago Fluttershy couldn’t have imagined herself willingly going to a party, but so long as her friends were there it really wasn’t so bad. She had hoped to see how the filly she’d met with Luna a few nights back was doing, but it seemed like the guest of honor was too shy to make much of an appearance. Fluttershy could certainly relate.

The party had ended a little while ago, but Fluttershy stayed behind to help tidy up a bit.

“Hey Fluttershy.” Applejack greeted.

“Oh,” said Fluttershy, “Hi Applejack.”

The farm pony looked more worn out than she expected at the relatively early hour.

“Ah was wondering if you could help me with somethin’” Applejack said, “When I’m dealin’ with Green Ah’m honestly a mite lost an - well I don’t mean any offense, but you have experience with this sort of thing, don’t you?”

“Oh the poor little thing.” Fluttershy responded, “I noticed she was looking very frightened, but I didn’t want to say anything in case it embarrassed her. I’m afraid I’m much better with animals than I am with children.”

“Ah’d ask you to talk with her tomorrow,” Applejack said, “But I’m not sure if introducing her to more ponies at the moment is the best idea. Ah know she’d agree to it, but Ah honestly don’t think she has it in her to say no.”

“Oh, we’ve actually met before.” Fluttershy admitted.

Applejack gave a confused look. “At the party?”

“Oh,” said Fluttershy, “No I saw her in a dream.”

“Princess Luna?” Applejack surmised.

“I was very surprised when Luna contacted me in my dream to ask for help, but when she told me there was a filly lost in the forest I just couldn’t say no.”

The pegasus shrunk in on herself.

“She knew who I was but she was still afraid, trying to make herself look smaller.” She explained, “I don’t want to be mean, but she was acting like a little bunny, I think just having us be so much larger than her made her freeze up. When I was down at her eye level she was much less afraid.”

The earth pony had a thoughtful expression.

“She knew who Ah was too,” Applejack explained, “An’ she thought I had magical honesty powers that would make her spill all her secrets. She was so frightened to speak with me that she threw up.”

“Oh!” Fluttershy gasped. “My.”

“We managed to get that misunderstanding cleared up,” Applejack explained, “But it makes me wonder what ponies have been saying about us. Are we really that famous?”

“I had no idea,” said Fluttershy, “We should probably ask Rarity about that I’m sure she would know.”

“Well that troubling revelation aside, what I wanted to ask you about was how I can help with her anxiety.” Applejack said, “What helps you when you’re feeling anxious?”

“Oh,” Fluttershy traced a circle on the floor with her hoof, “I mean, you know I like animals. Animals don’t frighten me like ponies do because they’re not cruel.”

She paused, realizing what she was saying, and started to backtrack. “I mean, not that all ponies are cruel, or even most ponies-”

“It’s alright Shy,” Applejack consoled, “Ah know what ya mean.”

“With animals I can understand what they want from me, and I know I won’t say the wrong thing and embarrass myself, or hurt somepony’s feelings, so I can just be myself.”

Fluttershy slumped a bit.

“I don’t know if Green likes animals though,” said Fluttershy, “I know some ponies can find them scary because they don’t understand.”

“Is there a way I should be speaking with Green when she’s anxious? Things Ah should be sayin’?” Applejack questioned. “Ah got a whole bunch o’ advice from Dayglow but Ah’m not sure Ah understood all of it.”

“Well when I’m feeling overwhelmed I like to wrap myself in a blanket and drink some tea. I like knitting too, it helps take my mind off things.” Fluttershy explained before looking down at the floor, “To be honest, when it used to get really bad there were weeks where I could barely make myself get out of bed. Rainbow came to check on me and bring me food - she was really worried about me. I’m really glad to have friends like you I can talk to now, when I was just relying on Dash I felt like such a burden sometimes.”

“So Ah need to find Green some friends?” Applejack asked.

“Oh, no!” exclaimed Fluttershy, “I mean, yes, but... I don’t know. I certainly know I wouldn’t have appreciated anypony trying to force me to socialize with other ponies, but... maybe if they had I would have been better off? The first time I was really forced to interact with other ponies my age was at flight camp, and I got bullied because I wasn’t a strong flier, and because my legs were too long, and -”


Applejack could see Fluttershy was starting to get distressed and placed a hoof on her friend’s shoulder.

“Ah get the picture.” Applejack said, “Children can be down right rotten to each other. Maybe if ah help Green with her coordination and strength it will help her feel more comfortable around ponies her age? An’ if she’s comfortable being around you maybe y’all could drink some tea together? She’s having trouble picking things up with her hooves so she’d prob’ly find knitting a mite frustrating.”





I had a much easier time falling asleep than I had expected. So much anxiety, so much uncertainty but, as soon as I had food in my belly, my body decided it was time to sleep and I had no desire to fight it. 

When I saw Luna, still in her filly form, waiting for me in the dream I just felt tired. I’m not sure how you can feel tired in a dream, but I did. I just wanted to be alone and here was another pony I had to interact with.

“Princess Luna.” I bowed. “I, er, good evening.”

“Rise, my little pony.” Luna commanded. “We have much to discuss.”
> That We Have But Slumbered Here
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The little princess looked happy to see me, which quelled my fears of an interrogation somewhat.

“What do you wish for us to discuss, your highness?” It was better to be too formal than not formal enough.

“Our title is ‘majesty’,” Luna corrected, “But your mistake is understandable. Sister certainly makes a show of her authority.”

Luna’s tone was neutral, but in the dream realm I could feel her dissatisfaction; there was an invisible aura that positively bristled.

On the filly princess this attitude was positively adorable, but it would likely not behoove me to mention that out loud.

Note to self; find a book on royal etiquette.

“We sense that you do not wish to speak with us.” Luna said.

“No!” I said quickly, “I mean, I’m not scared, I’m just tired.”

Luna remained silent.

“I mean, I guess I’m a bit scared, but not because I’m afraid of you, it’s only because I don’t know what you’re going to say.”

“My little pony, if you always knew what was going to happen life would be frightfully boring.” The little princess said. “All this standing and talking; this is a dream! Let’s have some fun.”

With her sudden change in mood the serious atmosphere of the dream had dropped away. The filly sized princess spread her wings and took off, hovering in anticipation. I mentally shrugged as I looked at my back and willed wings to appear. Since this was a dream, they did.

Luna giggled as she watched me.

“To think you hath told everypony you did not wish to be a princess.” She said.

I blanched as I realised how badly this could have gone - surely masquerading as a princess in front of an actual princess was a breach of etiquette? My wings evaporated.

“Relax, child, twas merely an observation, not admonishment.” Luna consoled. “There is no wrong way to fantasize.”





My fatigue was washed away by the cool night air as we flew above the clouds. The full moon was bright and cast the landscape of Equestria far below in silvery light. With Luna’s reassurance I regrew my wings and tried out some acrobatics, my wingtips creating contrails that traced my path with complete disregard for the laws of aerodynamics.

The filly sized princess was matching me to the wingbeat, flying in formation as if this was a well rehearsed routine. 

After a time I grew tired of flying so we landed on a cloud and gazed up at the stars overhead. Despite the bright moonlight innumerable stars and even some nebulae were visible to the naked eye. I didn’t recognise any constellations.

“Are you feeling better, Green?” Asked Luna.

“Yeah,” I said, my mood dropping to a more neutral level, “I’m sorry for taking so much of your time, Princess. I’m sure there are other ponies whose dreams need your attention.”

“We have not forgotten why we came to you this night.” Luna said. “Didst thou?”

“No.” I sighed. “I just... I’m sorry.”

A mug of tea had appeared in my hooves and I took a sip from it just to have something to keep more words from spilling out.

“How was your first day with the Apple’s?” Luna asked.

“It was alright I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Applejack is going to tell Pinkie that I was frightened by her party.”

“Were you?”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t want her to know that!” I said. “She tried to do something nice and now she’s going to feel terrible because of me. I can’t even apologize because that will just make it worse!”

I huffed at the unfairness of it all.

“Why were you afraid of her party?”

“There were so many ponies I didn’t know and they were all looking at me and - I just panicked okay? And I didn’t want them to see me panicking.” I said “And apparently I kicked Scootaloo in the face back when they were rescuing me even though I can’t remember so Rainbow doesn’t trust me and now AJ is angry with her.”

I was hoping Luna would say something, but she remained silent. After a few moments I realised how I was coming across.

“But please don’t take me away!” I pleaded. “I know it sounds bad but really Applejack is doing a good job. It's just - I keep screwing things up.”

As the silence stretched on I stared into my tea, watching as the liquid flowed back and forth, keeping level with the ground below as I tilted the cup. In a dream there was no need for it to obey gravity, but it did so simply because I imagined it should. With a thought gravity ceased to exist and the surface of the liquid bulged outwards; naught but surface tension keeping it inside the cup. Moving the cup, a ball of brown liquid was left hanging in the air, undulating slightly in the air currents.

“Green.”

The tea and the teacup vanished as I lost focus on what I was doing. Right, Luna was still there. 

“We won’t send you back.” Luna promised.

“Sorry, I-” I said, “I’m having trouble focusing, I don’t know why it’s harder this time.”

“When last we met I was stabilizing the dream for you.” Luna explained. “The sleeping mind is naturally very distractible, but through practice it is possible to exert control. It is a rare talent, but you have demonstrated at least some aptitude.”

I was caught off guard by the direction the conversation was turning.

“When first we met we had meant to make you as our apprentice.” Luna said. “It is an opportunity which few have been afforded; we do not seek to take you from a place you feel safe, but we hope that one day you will be ready to take our offer. It would be a great shame to see your talent go to waste.”

“Thank you, your Majesty.” I said. “I’m sorry.”

Dammit stop saying you’re sorry! Now she’s going to feel bad and tell me not to say sorry.

Luna paused for a moment, then said something I wasn’t expecting.

“The place you came from,” Luna said, “We won’t send you back.”

The white fluffy clouds formed jagged crystalline tendrils of ice reaching through my chest to tug at my heart. The stars winked out and the moon became an enormous all seeing eye.





Luna reasserted control of the dream to save the filly from the physical manifestation of her anxiety. Green’s control over her dream was impressive for one without training, but only for as long as she was able to keep her focus.

The scene shifted to Luna’s chambers in the castle. A fire crackled in the fireplace and the furniture looked comically oversized for their filly sized forms. They sat wrapped in a blanket with a tea set between them. Green had stopped shivering.

Her reaction to Luna’s guess added more weight to Twilight’s theory that the filly had escaped to Equestria from another reality. Green’s lack of coordination, her inexplicable magic problems, her claim that her parents weren’t ponies, the fact that there was no trace of her existence before last week; it all made sense if she was from a reality without magic, without ponies. It was unlikely that she was from the ‘human’ reality that Twilight had traveled to; the mirror portal was guarded.

She didn't want to be too specific with her questions since attacking the topic directly seemed to make the filly intense distress, to an almost unnatural degree.

If she did come from another reality there was no purpose in continuing the investigation. Great though Luna’s powers were, she could not police the entire multiverse. Yet some being had transported her here, given her at least a primer on important ponies in Equestria, and told her not to reveal her origins to anypony. Luna was unsure of his motivations. It would pay to keep a close eye on this filly. Complicating matters, the existence of other realities was a state secret so her suspicions of the filly's true origin could not be shared widely.

Wherever the child hailed from it would be a simple matter for the princess to grant her asylum. If she gained an apprentice out of it, all the better. Whatever she was fleeing from, whatever she had endured to make her the way she was now, no good would come from returning her.

Fate had conspired to give her sister a student and now it was her turn; it was only fair. The filly wasn’t ready yet, as she had been counseled by her subjects at the hospital, but she could begin to set things in motion.

“We do not wish to frighten thee.” Luna said. “Answer these three questions and we shall pry no further until you are ready.”

“Ok.”

“Art thou from another nation?”

“...yes.”

“Dost thou wish to live in Equestria?”

“...yes.”

“Wilt thou make an oath of fealty to the crown and country?”

“Do I have to?”

“If you wish to become our subject, then yes.” Luna explained. “Ordinarily the oath could wait until you come of age, but since you are a foreigner you must take the oath to be granted legal status.”

She did not mention that the oath superseded any other magical contract the filly may have entered into. If a geas was preventing her from speaking freely, or from recalling the one who sent her here, it would be broken.
> Musical Interlude II
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

To explain your relocation
There's a simple explanation:
You're a toymaker's creation
Trapped inside a children's show!

And whichever way you wander
Ponyville is over yonder
This new chance you musn't squander
As we sing this silly song

When I wasn't yet a filly, I didn't know it would be so tricky
So I told a man you can do your worst,
If you can make me a mare then you'd be the first
I got myself in-to this mess, hope they-don't make me wear a dress.
Now my memories are absurd and I think they all misheard,
But I still know the words to this song.

When you're throat is feeling strangled
And your foreleg has been mangled
Don't you listen to the jangle
Of the bell that tolls for thee

Cause these chords are hypnotizing
And this whole world's harmonizing
So now Green please stop your crying
And Just sing along with me!


> Oh to be Old Again
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The strangest part about the dreams I had with Luna were that they did not fade. I was familiar with the sensation of recalling a dream when I woke, but unless I put conscious effort into anchoring the details of the dream into my mind it would quickly dissipate.

I was fully awake. Not the well rested type of awake but the special brand of insomnia that came from waking in an unfamiliar place. I couldn’t see a clock, but it was still dark outside. 

I felt nothing, and it took me a moment to realise what was missing; there was no itch. My skin hadn't dried out and cracked overnight.

When I was growing up I didn’t want to get out of bed too early, to avoid my mother worrying. At one point she found out that I was waking up really early because I was anxious about being bullied at school, so after that I had to pretend to be asleep until it was a reasonable time to get up, lest she suspect (correctly) that I was still being bullied at school.

I held my breath and focused on listening to sounds in the house. The Apple’s were farm ponies so they would be awake early to do farm work, right? Sure enough, I could hear hoofsteps and the faint clanging of pots and pans from downstairs. Maybe they were having an early breakfast and decided not to wake me?
 
I wriggled out the side of the bed to avoid having to remake it. Making a bed with my clumsy gripping ability would be a huge pain.

Walking down the stairs was a bit daunting; they were just tall enough that I couldn’t put one hoof on each step comfortably. Going up was fine. Going down, my legs bent the wrong way. My broken fetlock was still a bit tender so I wanted to avoid jarring it, otherwise I could have just jumped down each step. I grit my teeth in frustration. I wasn’t about to ask somepony to carry me downstairs so I just had to do this.

Drop my forelegs to the next step (ow!), followed by hind legs. Repeat. By the time I got to the bottom I was sweating and my leg was aching and I hated this stupid weak body! I took a minute to control my breathing; I didn’t want anyone to see me out of breath from such a short walk.

I didn’t have a sense for the layout of the house yet, having only seen it briefly at my surprise party last night, but I could follow the sounds of somepony in the kitchen.

“My,” Granny Smith addressed me without turning around, “Ain’t you an early riser?”

Hair bristled on the back of my neck; my stomach dropped.

Breathe. Think. You haven’t been ‘caught’. 

She must have heard my hoofsteps and... oh right, the window in front of her was reflective.

Breathe. Be calm. Don’t let her know you were panicking.

“Good morning.” I said.

“Good morning deary.” she replied, “Breakfast isn’t quite ready yet, but you can help by setting the table.”

“I, uh, don’t think that’s a good idea.”

I looked down at my hooves and cringed at the thought of trying to carry around fragile plates while walking with three legs.

“Why’s that?”

“I’m not good at holding things with my hooves,” I explained, “So I might drop them.”

“Alright then, up you come.”

I’m not sure how she managed to speak with the scruff of my neck clasped in her teeth, but she did. She lifted me onto the counter and I was put out for a moment at the fact I was standing on a surface for preparing food. I suppose that my rear hooves weren’t any dirtier than my front hooves but it still felt wrong.

Granny gave me a mixing bowl and a spoon which I managed to grasp with my hooves. It was more the letting go that I had trouble with.

When I was done mixing the pancake batter she put me back on the floor. The sun was just peaking over the horizon and the younger members of the Apple family still had yet to make an appearance.

“Do you always wake up this early?” I asked.

“Not much choice when you get to my age,” She replied, “This creaky old hip decides when it’s time to get up. Take my advice deary, don’t get old.”

“I don’t much like the alternative.” I quipped.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“Because I don’t want to die?” I added.

Stupid! Now she’s going to ask what you mean and then it won’t be funny, it will just be morbid and she’ll be worried about me... ugh. Quick, change the subject!

“Arthritis is a real bitch, huh.”

“Language!” Granny Smith admonished.

“Sorry!” I squeaked.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

Stupid squeaky voice.

“Open your mouth.” 

“Wha-”

Before I knew what was going on I felt something near my mouth and instinctively batted it away, raising my hooves to protect my face.

My heart pounded - Relax, breathe.

In.

Out.

“Don’t fuss now,” she ordered, “We need to wash those dirty words out of your mouth.”

Soap. Well that explained a lot.

“There’s no need for that,” I said, “It won’t happen again I promise.”

“Open.” She repeated.

Provided it wasn’t oldschool lye soap it should be safe, if unpleasant, to get some in my mouth. If this was the way things were done around here then it wasn’t worth making a scene over.

I sighed and opened my mouth.

The soap was apple scented, of course, but I could hardly taste that with the overwhelming bitter suds that were forming. I wanted to spit and scrape my tongue but I wasn’t about to spit on the floor so I focused on breathing through my nose and not swallowing. I was quite proud that I managed not to make a face.

Applejack came down the stairs a moment later and I saw Granny Smith quickly place the soap back next to the sink.

My eyes widened in realisation. Granny didn’t want AJ to know.

“Mornin’ Green,” Applejack greeted, “You’re up early. Did you sleep alright?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak with a mouthful of soap.

Applejack gave me a suspicious look and I almost swallowed nervously. 

I’d have to risk saying something - I couldn’t just stand here.

“May I be excused?”

I almost got away with it but, at the last moment, soap touched the back of my throat and I hiccuped. A soap bubble came out.





Applejack’s heart sank as she took in the situation. 

“It’s alright Green,” She said, “You don’t have to ask, just go.”

Applejack waited until she heard the filly shut the bathroom door before she turned to address her grandmother.

“What were you thinking?” AJ asked. “She’s having a hard enough time trustin’ ponies as it is.”

Applejack could hear Green spitting and gagging while she ran the water.

“Fillies need to be raised right,” Granny insisted, “Ah can’t have her using that kind of language around Apple Bloom.”

“There are other ways to do that.” Applejack stomped. “Ways that don’t involve forcing soap in her mouth.”

“It worked for you didn’t it?”

“This is different.” Applejack said, “Look, please just please leave her discipline up to me.”

“Since when are you the expert on raising foals?”

That was a shot to Applejack’s confidence, but she ploughed on.

“She’s a foster child.” AJ explained, “There are rules and one of the most important is no physical punishments.”

The two adults stopped talking as Green walked back into the kitchen.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Green, “We’ll just pretend this never happened.”

“Sweetpea, look,” AJ sat the filly down, “Ah know yer trying to protect us, but you have to promise me that you’re going to be honest. If somepony hurts you, or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable -”

“It’s not like that okay?” The filly interrupted. “I let her put the soap in my mouth, it’s not like she forced me.”

Applejack realised she may be walking on very shaky ground.

“Green,” AJ hesitated, “If somepony- Ah mean, just because you let somepony do something- it doesn’t mean you were okay with it.”

The filly was calming herself down with breathing exercises again.

“It was just soap.” Said Green, “It’s not like I’m going to die.”




> Counting the Days
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“It’s not a big deal!” I yelled.

“It is a big deal,” Applejack replied. “Nopony has a right to force you to do something you don’t want to do. I want you to feel safe here -”

“And I do feel safe!” I interrupted, “Washing someone’s mouth out with soap is a bit old fashioned, but it’s not like she would actually hurt me.”

“What’s not a big deal?” The youngest member of the Apple family rounded the corner into the kitchen.

“Nothing,” I said.

 Applejack sighed. “Green said a bad word in front’a granny.”

Applebloom’s face made an ‘o’ of realization.

“She got the soap?” Applebloom stuck her tongue out, “Blegh.”

“See?” I said, “Not a big deal.”





My fatigue caught up with me while we were eating breakfast. My hoof grip nearly shattered a glass of apple juice.

“I want you to make sure you look out for Green at school today.” Applejack said. “She might have trouble meeting so many new ponies at once.”

“I feel tired,” I said, “Do I have to go to school today?”

“Yes,” AJ said. “You can’t miss school just because you’re tired.”

“But I just got here, don’t I get some time to settle in?”

“I know you’re nervous about going to school, but it’s not going to get any better by putting it off.”

“What if I’m sick though.”

“Do you feel sick?”

“Y-” Oh right, she can tell when I’m lying. “No. I just feel sick with anxiety.”

As pathetic as it sounds, I found it almost impossible to watch the episodes where the crusaders were getting bullied. It made me apoplectic with rage to see bullies getting away with it, and yet just like in real life, there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“It’ll be fine,” Applebloom assured. “Miss Cheerilee is really nice.”

“It’s not the teacher I’m worried about.”

“Applebloom will be right there with you and she’ll make sure nopony is mean to you.”

Time to bring out the big guns.

“You said you wouldn’t force me to do anything.” I accused. “Well, I don’t want to go to school. Just get me the textbooks and I’ll read them myself.”

“School isn’t just about learning things from books,” AJ said. “I want you to go to school so you can make some friends.”

“I can be friends with Applebloom.”

“If you try to put it off it’s not going to get any easier.” Applejack said. “You do have to go to school, it’s the law.”

“What are they going to do?” I asked. "Throw me in a dungeon? Banish me? Banish me and throw me in a dungeon in the place they banish me to?”

“If you don’t go to school, I’ll get in trouble, and then I won’t be able to look after you anymore.”





I managed to brush my teeth without help, the trouble was mostly gripping the toothbrush at the right angle. Comparing the toothbrush I’d been given to Applebloom’s the handle was much wider and flatter, which made it easier to grasp with my inconsistent hoofgrip. Whether it was designed for a foal or for somepony with a disability I suppose made no practical difference.

“Did you need help to brush your mane?” Asked Applejack.

I’d never owned a hairbrush. I’d had a crew cut since I was a little kid.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t you want to look your best to meet your new classmates?”

“I don’t want to meet them at all.” I answered back. “It’s not like it will make a difference anyway.”

I realized I was just being obstinate.

“Fine,” I admitted. “I don’t know how to brush my mane.”

I really need a haircut.

I didn’t think AJ would let me get a buzz cut, but I could at least make it shorter and easier to deal with.

Considering my new body was about forty percent hair by volume, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. Brushing your mane implied brushing your mane and tail, but we were still done in just a few minutes. There were a few tangles but I focused on not letting any of the discomfort show on my face. Short hair would have less risk of people grabbing it - not that that’s something I should have to worry about. Probably. Ouch. There’s another knot.





“You don’t have to walk us to school ya know.” Said Applebloom

“Ah know you’re all grown up,” AJ replied, “But it’s Green’s first day and I want to have a word with Cheerilee.”

“Fine.”

“You’re not embarrassed to be seen with yer big sis are ya?”

Better to nip this conversation in the bud.

“She doesn’t want her classmates to think she’s a baby who needs to be walked to school,” I said. “It’s nothing personal.”

Applebloom nodded.

“If those fillies at school are teasing you again I can speak to their parents.”

“Please don’t.”







Cheerilee wasn’t surprised to see Applejack approaching her. It was common that parents would want to talk before leaving their precious child with her for the first time, and it was nice to see Applejack was so quickly growing to fill that role for her new foster foal.

The file Cheerilee had been given on her newest student was surprisingly light; no transcripts from previous schools, no commendations, and no disciplinary records either. She hoped Applejack could help fill in some of the blanks, else she’d be starting from scratch.

“Applejack!” said Cheerilee, “So good to see you. You’re here to drop off Green, I take it?”

“Yeah,” Applejack nodded, “There were some things I wanted to discuss with you.”

“That’s great,” Replied Cheerilee, “I wanted to ask about what prior education she’s had.”

“Well she seems pretty clever,” Said Applejack, “But she won’t tell us anything about her past so there’s not much to say about that.”

“I’ll see how she goes in class today,” Said Cheerilee, “If she’s keeping up okay then I can test for any gaps in her knowledge once she’s had a chance to settle in.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually,” Applejack admitted, “Green has some issues you should be aware of.”

“Oh?”

“She has poor coordination, and struggles to grip things with her hooves.” Said Applejack. “She can read, but I’m not sure if she’ll be able to write legibly.”

Cheerilee frowned.

“I see.” She said. “And what about her magic?”

“No spells yet, but she’s having magic surges.”

Cheerilee’s eyes widened, imagining the damage an unstable unicorn foal with the mana pool of an eight-year-old could do to her classroom.

“Magic surges, at her age?” Cheerilee questioned.

“Well, only once so far.” Applejack said. “We’re hoping it was a one-time thing.”

“Anything else I should know?”

“She gets really frightened when she’s meeting new ponies,” Said Applejack, “So maybe don’t make her introduce herself in front of the whole class.”

“Even if she’s shy it’s usually best to get introductions out of the way upfront.” Cheerilee said, “If the other students see me treating her differently it may not be the best first impression.”

“She’s not just shy,” Applejack said, “She has panic attacks.”

“Oh dear.” Said Cheerilee. “Well, I’ll certainly do whatever I can to help her feel comfortable.”

“One more thing, if you see her looking at a fixed point and taking slow breaths that means she’s feeling anxious and doing her breathing exercises,” Applejack explained, “So try not to interrupt her.”





“Alright class, we have a new student today.” Said Cheerilee, “Her name is Green, and I expect you all to make her feel welcome.”

It’s alright, they’re just kids. It’s just words. They can’t hurt you. I mean, they’re bigger than you and you don’t even know how to run, so they probably could hurt you really badly, but they won’t, right?

I couldn’t remember the crusaders ever getting beaten up physically, but this world seemed much more real.

Oh god, everyone’s still looking at me! I must be doing something wrong.

Relax. Breathe. In. Out.

They’re probably waiting for me to introduce myself.

“Uh, hi, my name is Green,” I managed to say, “And... I don’t know how I got here.”

Stupid. Stupid. Why did this have to be so hard? Why was I so anxious just meeting a group of children?

“Hi, Green.” The class chanted in unison.

“Alright Class,” Said Cheerliee, “Eyes front. Today we’re going to be learning about how to read a calendar.”

There was a murmur of dissatisfaction from the class and one of the young ponies raised their hoof.

“Yes, Twist?” Said Cheerilee.

“Isn’t Green going to introduce herself in front of the class?”

I wanted to hide my face, but I knew I had to keep my body language neutral. If I showed weakness, I just knew they’d bully me forever.

Keep breathing. Don’t move.

“Only if she wants to.” Said Cheerliee. “If we get through this lesson quickly I can give you all an early mark for recess.”

I was trapped. If I said no, everypony would think I’m shy. If I said yes, I’d be holding them back from early recess and they’d all be angry with me. Why did she have to do this to me?

I tried to answer and my decision was all but made for me when I realized I couldn’t move. I opened my mouth and, rather than make strangled noises, I closed it again. Swallowing dryly I shook my head in the negative.

As the class moved on I couldn’t focus, but it hardly mattered in a class about reading calendars. I felt like I had to pee but, from experience, I knew with how suddenly it had come on that it was just a fear response.

“Green.”

Relax. Breathe. You haven’t done anything wrong.

“Did you hear the question, Green?” Cheerilee asked in a gentle tone.

“No,” I replied. “What was it again?”

“I was asking how many days there are in a year.”

“Three hundred and sixty-five.” I answered.

“Not quite. Anypony else?” The teacher asked. “Yes, Diamond Tiara.”

“There are a thousand.” Her stuck up voice put my teeth on edge. “Even foals know that!”

“That’s not a kind thing to say young filly.” Cheerilee admonished. “See me after class.”

Great. Now the teacher was defending me. I was going to pay for that.

As the lesson wore on I felt my need to pee grow stronger. Maybe I really did need to go. I couldn’t ask for a hall pass though; I didn’t want to interrupt the lesson, and the other kids would probably think I was running off to the bathroom to cry.

In any case, Cheerilee had said we would get an early recess, so I shouldn’t have to wait too long.





By the time the lesson was winding down, all I could really think about was plotting the fastest way to get to the bathroom after class was let out. I would wait a little bit for the other kids to get through the door so they wouldn’t bump into me, and then I’d make a break for the bathrooms I’d seen on the way in.

Thankfully, when I got to the bathroom the stalls were empty. I hadn’t considered what I’d do if letting the other students leave the classroom first had meant a line.

It took a bit of concentration to ensure my hooves didn't slip on the hard floor. The last thing I wanted to do was skid into a wall.

The toilet was scaled down a bit from the full-size ones I’d see so far, which made it more comfortable to use at my size.





Feeling much relieved I left the stall and went to wash my hooves.

I had to fight down a spike of panic when I saw another pony enter the bathroom.

Relax. Breathe. You have every right to be here.

The sky blue pegasus colt looked at me in shock as he and I came to the same realization.

My skin went cold and I felt like I had to pee again.

The colt’s hooves were thunderous on the tile floor as he galloped away.

“Miss Cheerilee, Miss Cheerilee!” The colt yelled. “Green is in the wrong bathroom!”




> Mind Over Matter
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stumbled out of the bathroom. I could feel everypony’s gaze pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe. My vision was blurry as tears welled in my eyes.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry you stupid -

It was no use. Everyone could see me crying and they were probably all laughing at me. My chest hurt. 

“Go away!” I screamed at the ponies looming over me, “Leave me alone!”

“It’s alright Green,” said Applebloom, “It’s just us.”

“I’m fine!” I sobbed.

“Yer not fine.”

I shivered as a much larger figure blocked out the sun.

“What’s going on here?” Asked Cheerilee.

“Ah think Green is having a panic attack.”

“I’ll be fine.” I grit my teeth. “Just go away.”

“You girls run along now,” said Cheerilee, “I think Green needs some quiet time to calm down.”

I inhaled, and felt the grass beneath my hooves, and the rough, cool, bricks of the wall I was leaning against.

I exhaled. Sweat had soaked into my coat and I shivered; thankfully it didn’t itch.

“I’m okay,” I said.

I want to die.

“Are you sure?” Asked Cheerilee.

“Yes.”

I have to get out of here, everyone is looking at me.

“Okay,” said Cheerilee, “Well I just wanted to see you in my office.”

Oh thank god.

“You’re not in trouble.” She added.





Cheerilee’s office was larger than I expected. It was as wide as the classroom it shared a wall with and almost half as long. One long wall was taken up with pigeon holes and filing cabinets, the opposite wall was covered with children’s art projects; some appeared brand new while others were curling and yellowed with age. At the far end of the room, against the window, was a child-sized cot, partly obscured by a curtain, next to a white locker marked with a red cross. A door next to it led to what I assumed was a bathroom. 

“Do you feel like you need to lie down?” Asked Cheerilee.

“No, I’m fine.” I said. “I just don’t want to go back out there.”

“There’s a bathroom here if you still need to go.”

I felt like I did, but I’d just been, so obviously it was just my stupid body being scared.

“I already went.” I said

“So why did you go in the colt’s bathroom?” She asked.

I felt the urge to facehoof. Instead I just groaned in frustration.

“Green?”

“Because I had to pee, alright?”

“What I mean is, why didn’t you use the filly’s bathroom? If you couldn’t find it, it’s just around the other side.”

“Because I didn’t need to pee anymore.” I snarked.

Cheerilee sighed.

“Green, it’s important that-”

A blast of hot air came from my nose and I felt my forehoof scratching at the floor.

“If you think it’s so damn important why don’t you flip me over and check?” I growled. 

Cheerilee took a step back.

“You’re not in trouble, Green.” Cheerilee repeated, “But it’s important that I know if there’s a reason you didn’t feel comfortable using the fillies’ restroom. Were the other fillies being mean to you?”

“No.”

Cheerilee waited for me to elaborate.

Fortunately, the bathroom symbols were easy enough to understand. Two pony silhouettes, one with a dress. Unfortunately, I went to the ‘wrong’ bathroom on twenty years of habit. 

“I really had to go, so I just ran to the first bathroom that I saw.”

Close enough.

“If you need to use the restroom during class all you have to do is ask.” Cheerilee said. 

I cringed.





Cheerilee had been keeping a close eye on the filly during her first class. The fidgety behavior and lack of focus that she had been assessing as a potential behavioral problem, it seemed, had a much simpler explanation. 

Thinking back to how painfully shy the filly was, it was easy to see what had happened. Which led Cheerilee to a potential scenario she decided to nip in the bud.

“If it’s too scary to speak in front of everyone, you can just go.” Cheerilee assured.

“It’s fine,” said Green, “I can just hold it until after class.”

“If you need to go, it’s better to just go,” said Cheerilee, “We don’t want you to have an accident.”





I want to fucking die.

She’s treating me like a little kid and- well I guess I can’t blame her when I look like this.

I was stuck like this; and my stupid child emotions had circled back around to crying; and I’d lost any chance of convincing Cheerilee that I was mature enough for self-directed study.

I felt Cheerilee drape a heavy blanket over me. The blanket pressed inwards on my body and helped to ground me in the moment.

If I couldn’t convince Cheerilee that I was mature enough to avoid going to school, maybe I could do the opposite; convince her I was too immature, too ‘damaged’ to attend her class.

“I want to go home.” I pleaded.

“I know you’ve had a rotten day so far,” Said Cheerilee, “But there’s just one more class today and you can go straight home afterwards.”

“I can’t go back to class, everypony will bully me.”

“Nopony is going to bully you Green.”

“You and I both know that isn’t true.” I said. “I was crying in front of everypony and they were laughing at me!”

“Who was laughing at you?”

“I don’t know!” I said, “Everypony! I don’t even know who they are, and they all know who I am, and that I’m a crybaby that they can all bully.”

“You’re far from the only pony to have cried at school.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Why isn’t it the same?”

“Because I didn’t have anything to cry about,” I explained, “And now they all know that they can make me cry and everything is ruined.”

“Did you get bullied at your old school?” Asked Cheerilee.

“I-” I suppose it didn’t really matter what school I was talking about. “Yeah.”

“It’s too soon to give up on ponies you’ve just met. This will be different,” Said Cheerilee, “I promise.”

“Don’t make a girl a promise,” I said, “If you know you can’t keep it.”

“Green...”

“Let’s just skip the part where you pretend there aren’t any bullies in your class.” I said, “I’ve already met one of them.”

“If you mean Diamond Tiara, I’ve already spoken to her,” Cheerilee said, “And she’s going to apologize.”

“Great, so now the class bully has a reason to hate me.” I countered, “Thanks so much.”

“What do you want me to do, Green?”

“That’s exactly the point.” I said. “There’s nothing you can do.”

At some point I’d lost track of the fact I was supposed to be pretending.

“There was never anything you could do.” I ranted. “I put up with it before because I didn’t know any better, but I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Tears were streaming down my face.

“I know you’re having a bad day,” consoled Cheerilee, “But I promise, it’s really not that bad. Haven’t you already made some friends?”

“I don’t want friends, I want everyone to leave me alone.”

I slumped.

“But I know you’re going to force me to go back anyway.” I said. “And if I run away and refuse to go to school, Applejack will get in trouble.”

Cheerilee looked up at a clock.

“Well,” She remarked, “Recess is almost over.

“Great.”
> I Do Not Like Them Anywhere
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took a moment to compose myself before I went back into the classroom. Not that it mattered anymore. Maybe I could just pretend that they all didn’t exist? It had never worked before, but who knows. Maybe this time they actually would leave me alone if I ignored them.

I took my seat at the desk and kept my focus on the blackboard. Cheerilee had drawn out a calendar on the board, and it was complicated. After I’d heard that there were one thousand days in a year I’d expected that the lengths of months would be similarly round numbers. Perhaps ten months of a hundred days each? That would have made sense. Instead, there were twenty four months in a year, each with either fourty one or fourty two days, plus another seven days at the end of the year that weren’t part of any month at all.

Rather than being ahead of other ponies my age, I found myself unable to even remember the months of the year. I really hoped I wasn’t going to be called on again to answer a question, since I would certainly make an even greater fool of myself.

This lesson was about how to calculate the number of days between two dates on the calendar. The example was calculating Twist’s age in days. She was eight thousand three hundred and fifty three days old.

Wait a minute.

If I’m eight or nine years old here, and a year is a thousand days, that means a year here is worth like... three earth years. A bit less, since it was three six five rather than three three three on Earth.

I lamented that I didn’t have the dexterity with this body to write out the math, but I could still estimate easily enough. Three eights were twenty four. Three nines were twenty seven. A bit less because slightly more than a third, although if I was eight or nine I could still be nine and a half.

My age hadn’t changed. It wasn’t that this body was younger than my body as a human, it was just that ponies aged painfully slow. 

Though it hardly mattered, I realised that I actually could figure out when my birthday was in this world by calculating the number of days I was alive as a human, and adjusting it to this world’s calendar.

I was making a number of assumptions here. I knew they used twenty four hour days here, and sixty minutes in an hour, sixty seconds in a minute. I could tell that by looking at the helpfully labeled clock which had both minutes and hours labeled (no doubt to teach foals how to read an analog clock). How long was a second? Was it the same as earth? How could I tell how long a second was? They felt the same subjectively. If acceleration due to gravity-

“Pssst.”

My eyes were closed in concentration so I didn’t see who was trying to get my attention. I ignored it.

“Psssst.”

I was suddenly reminded of the episode where Diamond Tiara tricked Applebloom into getting caught passing notes, and a flare of anger rose inside of me.

Snapping my eyes open I turned to face the direction of the sound, only to find myself glaring at... Applebloom.

“Green, you can’t sleep in class,” Applebloom whispered, “You’ll get in trouble.”

I swallowed and nodded, feeling guilty for the look I’d just given her.





At the end of class Cheerilee motioned to me with her head like she wanted to speak with me again, but I pretended not to see it. I didn’t want to talk to her.

The Crusaders were taking their assignment of guarding me perhaps a little too seriously. As we left the schoolhouse they made sure I was at the center of their little herd. It made me feel awkward to have one of them walking behind me, but whenever I lagged too much, Scootaloo would circle around behind me again. Her face was still bruised, and I wanted to keep her where I could see her.

“What are you doing here?” Applebloom accused.

Somehow Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had managed to sneak up on us without me noticing. Diamond ignored Applebloom and spoke directly to me. I felt my temper flare again.

“Mrs Cheerilee says I have to apologize to you.” Said Diamond Tiara.

“Ok.” I tried to keep my voice neutral.

“Aren’t you going to accept my apology?” She asked

“Please never speak to me again.” I said

Diamond Tiara huffed.

“Wow, I thought maybe you were cool but-”

I wanted to break her stupid face. In that moment, she was every bully I'd faced in my life.

“Fall down a well, Diamond Tiara.” I interrupted

She smirked.

My chest felt like it was going to burst if I didn’t scream. My coat stood on end. My eyes stung, and I felt like I was going to cry.

A painful spark arced from the tip to the base of my horn, and a pulse of air blew back Diamond’s mane for a moment.

My body felt numb. I was going to pass out.

Breathe. Don’t lock your knees. Focus.

Okay, kneel then, but don’t - 

The grass was so soft.

Just don’t close your-





“Green,” said Applebloom, “Are ya alright?”

Why was I on the ground? Oh right. I fainted.

Embarrassed, I quickly got up. The world was spinning a bit and I felt nauseous.

“I’m fine.” I said. “What happened to Diamond Tiara?”

“She, uh,” Said Scootaloo, “She kinda called you a blank flank loser and went to tell Ms Cheerilee that you attacked her with magic.”

My horn hurt.

“Great.” I said.

“That was so cool,” Said Scootaloo, “Your eyes were all glowing and then it was like wumf and everything got blown away from you and even I could feel the magic and I’m a pegasus! I think Diamond was scared there for a moment.”

I sighed.

“All I’ve done is show her that she can make me so upset that I faint.” I grumbled.

“Why do ya hate Diamond Tiara so much?” Asked Applebloom. “Ah mean, ya’ve only just met her.”

“I don’t like bullies.” I said. “I thought maybe I was over it, but whenever I see a bully, it just comes back.”

I wanted to cry again.

“Don’t worry Green!” Said Sweetie Belle, “We’ll help you find your cutiemark and you won’t have to worry about getting bullied anymore.”

“Were it so easy.”
> You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Green
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wha’da’ya mean?” Asked Apple Bloom, “She’s only making fun of ya because ya don’t have a cutiemark. She does the same thing ta us.”

How could they be so naive if they were the same age as me?

“She’s bullying you because she wants to establish her place at the top of the hierarchy within the class.” I explained. “She wants everypony to respect her, and the way she achieves that is by finding insecure ponies for her to put down. Being ‘blank flanks’ is just an excuse to single you out from the rest of the class.”

“How can she get ponies to respect her by being mean?” Asked Sweetie Belle. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“Ponies always want to be part of the group.” I said. “By excluding you, she creates a group consisting of ‘everypony else’ where she’s in charge of who is included. Ponies in the group feel good about being in the group and afraid of being left out - which is why they don’t help you when you’re being bullied.”

“But then how do we get her to stop bullying us?” Asked Scootaloo

“Well,” I said, “You could throw her down a well.”

The Crusaders looked horrified.

“That was a joke.” I added. 

I could see Cheerilee walking towards us from the schoolhouse, and my heart sank.

“You girls better get going,” I said, “You don’t want to be involved in this.”

“Involved in what?” Asked Sweetie Belle

“Me and Diamond were the ones fighting,” I said, “So there’s no need for you guys to get in trouble too. I don’t really care if I get suspended.”

“That... wasn’t really a fight.” Said Scootaloo. “You just kinda glared at her and then fainted.”

“Yeah,” I said, “But Diamond has been in there talking to her so she’s probably made up a whole story to get me in trouble.”

“We saw the whole thing,” said Apple Bloom, “We can tell her what really happened.”

“The truth doesn’t matter,” I said, “What matters is what Cheerilee will believe; She’ll just think you’re covering for me because you don’t like Diamond Tiara.”

“Well we’ll stick with you anyway,” Said Scootaloo, “Because we’re your friends.”

Damnit. It couldn’t be unsaid now. I didn’t want friends, but I couldn’t reject their offer of friendship, not without hurting their feelings. I was stuck now, with even more ponies that I had to keep happy. More ponies I couldn’t ignore. More ponies that I had to convince that I was okay to stop them from feeling bad. I just knew I was going to screw it up and end up hurting all of them.

The Crusaders misinterpreted my sudden withdrawal into myself and gave me a group hug.

“It’s alright.” Said Apple Bloom. “We’ll be right here with you.”

“Is using magic against a non-unicorn, like, a big deal?” I asked.

“Huh?”

“I mean, if I kicked her, instead of using magic,” I asked, “Would I be in more or less trouble?”

“She’s an Earth Pony, she’d fold you like a lawn chair.” Said Scootaloo, “Err, no offence.”

Well, that was comforting. Not only couldn’t I do magic, but I was at a massive strength disadvantage.

“Are you okay Green?” Asked Cheerilee. “I heard you fainted.”

“I’m fine.” I said

It was essentially my catchphrase at this point.

“Really?” Asked Cheerilee

“Whatever Diamond Tiara told you is a lie.” I said

“What did she tell me?” Cheerilee questioned

Great, more games. She wanted me to incriminate myself before I knew what Diamond had said.

“She told you something to try and get me in trouble because she’s bullying me.” I said

“What makes you think that?”

“Look I don’t care.” I said. “Just kick me out of the class. I don’t want to be here anyway.”

Cheerilee sighed.

“Diamond Tiara says you threatened to throw her down a well.”

“I told her she should fall down a well, not that I would do it.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because she’s a bully.”

“And you think falling down a well would make her a better pony?”

“Only if it was fatal.”

Cheerilee winced.

“Green, please don’t joke about things like this.”

My throat was starting to hurt and I had to fight to avoid my words coming out strangled.

“I’m not joking.” I said. “I want her to leave me and my friends alone, and if she has to fall down a well for that to happen then so be it.”

Be calm. Be logical. Don’t cry.

“You can’t just threaten to kill ponies because they were mean to you.”

I fixed my eyes with hers.

Focus on the anger, don’t cry.

“I didn’t threaten anything.” I retorted. “I just think we would all be better off if she fell down a well and broke her neck.”

My voice broke on the last word. I kept staring Cheerilee down, wishing she wasn’t so much taller than me.

“You have to calm down.” Cheerilee instructed. “Why don’t we go back to my office and-”

“I don’t have to do anything!” I yelled. “I don’t even want to be here!”

I was gritting my teeth to stop my jaw trembling.

“Green-”

“Why don’t you go listen to Diamond Tiara again,” I said, “I’m sure she’s fucking calm. Then you can leave me the hell alone and stop making things worse.”

“I’m trying to help you.”

“Well, I don’t want your ‘help’!” I said. “You’re going to tell me to be ‘reasonable’ and try to get along with Diamond Tiara. I refuse.”

“Just because she was mean to you once doesn’t mean she’s irredeemable.” She said, “Ponies can change, Green.”

“Most don’t.”

“Well they’re not going to change if nopony gives them a chance.”

“That’s not my problem.” I said. “I’m not going to let her stab me in the back just because you think it would be nice if we were friends.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“This isn’t about Diamond Tiara,” Said Cheerilee, “Is it?”

“What’s goin’ on here?” Asked Applejack. “Are you alright Sweetpea?”

I just felt so tired. I lay back down on the grass again.

It wasn’t like anything I said mattered anyway.

“I’m fine.”
> Bonus Content 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

**For those who skip the author notes, this is not canon**

“No. Absolutely not. Never.” Before, Discord had seemed playful, if interested. Now, he looked offended, hovering above the Cutie Map.

“Why not?” Twilight asked. “You know she’s not truly happy here. You confirmed that she was an adult-“

“By her standards, Twilight,” Discord growled, his face suddenly an inch from hers. “Adulthood and maturity aren’t the same thing. I refuse to take the chance for the latter from her, just as I won’t take it from you.”

“What?” Twilight then thought back to an earlier conversation. “Discord, this isn’t about you telling me the secrets of magic!” She had tried to ask him to teach her more, including some of the strange abilities he claimed she could learn- only to be told, when you hit your first millennium. She decided to bring out the big guns. “This is about being kind to a friend! If she asks for it-“

“I’m being kind by refusing to consider this!” Discord hissed. “She’s nine, Twilight! Nine. Years. Old.”

“But- but- but humans grow up faster!” she shouted. “You said so yourself!” Discord nodded. “So she was an adult! You said you could cure her medical condition if you sent her back, and she knows she’s giving up magic and a longer life. She is, in fact, mature.”

Discord seemed to deflate. “No, she isn’t, Twilight. None of them are.”

“I- what?” Twilight, first simply confused, then found her face then contorting with anger. “It’s not very nice to disparage an entire species! You even said that they built an incredible society! Knowledge nopony has ever conceived of, all from a race with no magic.”

“No, I didn’t, Twilight,” Discord said sadly. “I said that they built an incredible society using no magic. Surely, if their world had no magic, Greenie couldn’t be here, could she?”

“You caught that too, then,” Twilight said. A simple, but true, fact; interdimensional travel without magic was theoretically impossible.

Discord raised a paw. “I didn’t catch it, I knew. I didn’t help make them- I’m not old enough for that- but I do know something about it.” He’d turned away at this point, looking at the ceiling in a gesture Twilight had learned was him reminiscing. “In English- their version of Equish- the being that Green met is called a fae these days. My progenitors.”

“The humans were made in their image. No- not their image, but the image of themselves at their finest. Not in body, but in soul, in spirit, in coding. Humans are brilliant, Twilight. Green’s barely ten, but she’s as qualified a nurse as any pony in Ponyville! Give any human a pony body when they're young enough, and every one of them would become truly great, as much as you and your friends. Raise them right, and many would gain some form of immortality- whether as with you or as me or as Sombra would still be their choice, of course, but one they’d be able to make.”

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, only to find that no sound came out. “That’s the only reason why humans aren’t grunting in the caves we found them in, chipping rocks like birds make nests," he continued. "Remember Green’s story, Twilight? Think! Humans the world over popping out foals at five, all to be dead by thirty. Remember what I said when I wouldn’t tell you, ‘Tia or Lulu the secrets of my magic?”

“’The body grows the soul,’” Twilight Recited. “’Stunt the body, and your magic won’t change; that’s why you need to grow. Why, a mere thousand years, and Look! ‘Tia’s now a head taller than her sister!’ Well, yes, but... “ Twilight paused. “No, that doesn’t work- even donkeys and diamond dogs can do magic, and they don’t grow that much slower. If they’re that powerful, they should be showing some magic!”

“No, it’s not just their age,” Discord replied. “There's a trillion times the magic, but unevenly spread through a quadrillion times the volume. But it still mostly is; if you were full-grown at four, you wouldn’t have much magic at twenty. And some few do use magic, though they don’t see it for what it is.” He shook his head. “Not important.”

“You’re right,” Twilight said, “it isn’t. Even without magic, even if she only lives to thirty, she can still live a fulfilled life.”

Discord guffawed. “No she can’t! That’s the point! I send her back, and she’ll have her composure back- and she won’t be able to grow out of her anxiety!” He was literally red-hot with anger by now, steam pouring off of his head and out of his ears. “She doesn't even have a cutie mark! Full-grown, pony magic, and no cutie mark! All are like that! Humans almost never truly learn to be themselves! They burn hot, but so fast that they can never see half the lies they tell themselves!” He was still angry, but had also returned to giggling like a madmare- a truly terrifying sight, if there ever was one. “Like ponies, they’ll spend fifteen years doing something they hate- but because those are fifteen of their twenty-five, they never can become anything more! Their grandest arts are always put off, never to be completed- and every one is an artist after mine own heart, I’ll have you know! Foolish and evil actions simply don’t have time to bring consequences! Tartarus, their whole economy is based on fossil fuels and fiat currency!” Discord’s manic grin grew to encompass the whole room.

“Delightfully chaotic, certainly not something as boring as you ponies would try. Why, I’ll bet you’d complain about the smog alone, let alone the warming from carbon dioxide.” He settled back down to the floor, directly in front of Twilight. “And yet, huge numbers of humans don’t believe that they’re ruining their own climate! Even more simply don’t care! Utter foolishness, and the numbers written in ones and zeroes they call money- value from future taxes and faith in their own inconstant selves!” The scene of an endless office filled the room, Discord and Twilight floating around it. “So intrinsically stupid that a pony would never try it, but so powerful that they built marvels with it! With a conman called Made Off running their biggest bank at the same time!” The office scene disappeared, pony and Draconequus back on the floor.

“So grand, so beautiful, so chaotic and harmonious and all that stuff,” Discord murmured, looking at the crystal floor, “that it might even survive the inevitable collapse. But I wouldn’t want to live there during it.” He looked into her eyes. “No, I wouldn’t. Chaos, I can take. True suffering, with beings for whom life truly is cheap? Green only has ten years in her past. If she takes care of herself, she might live another three hundred.”

“She may not see it right now, Twilight, but she deserves that much. Be kind to her, Twilight, and tell her no.”

_______________________________________________________________________________
A/N Lines I couldn’t fit:

“You think, Twilight! Of course they have a weird attitude; do you have any idea how hard it is to get five-year-olds to have foals? Most humans- male and female both- are physically capable of having foals at four. ‘Teenage pregnancy,’ they call it.” He gave her a lecherous grin. “They can’t actually control their pregnancy cycles, either; a good human mare can have a dozen whelps in her lifetime.”

“Wha- but how can they take of all of them?”

“Who says they do? That anyone under the age of eighteen can be a good parent is a miracle. That raising foals is so hard is why you ponies don’t have estrus until then.”

__________________________________________________________________________________


“Shut up and listen, Green.” Discord loomed over Green. “Apple Bloom is older than you are. Macintosh was born on the same day the Titanic sunk. That old green mare is older than the United Kingdom.” He leaned down towards the floor, glaring eye-to-eye with the filly. “And you want to give that up because your first seven days here have been embarrassing? Ask again, and I might just be offended enough to grant it.”
> What a Strange Little Filly
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Applejack was not a pony to drink tea recreationally. Tea parties weren’t really her scene, but she nonetheless took Fluttershy up on her invitation for tea at her cottage today. It would take some time out of her workday, but it wasn’t a harvest season yet so she could make up for it later.

“All the advice ponies seem ta have is about how ta get foals ta be obedient an’ polite,” Applejack said, “But with Green it seems ta be tha opposite problem.”

“So she’s too obedient?” asked Fluttershy, “That’s not a bad problem to have if you ask me.”

Applejack sighed.

“Trying ta get her to admit when something bothers her is like pullin’ teeth.” said Applejack, “If ah ask her ta do somethin’ she’ll just do it, even if it hurts her.”

“Oh my,” Said Fluttershy, “You wouldn’t ask her to do anything dangerous though?”

“Remember, last night when I forgot to give her dinner?” Applejack said

Fluttershy nodded.

“Well, when I got her some food she ate so fast I was worried she would choke,” Applejack explained, “She was too scared to tell me she was hungry after I told her to go to bed.”

“Oh the poor little thing!” exclaimed Fluttershy.

“When ah got up in the morning, Green was already awake, standing to attention in the kitchen - An’ then ah found out Granny had put soap in her mouth!” Applejack vented, “She din’t even complain, she jus’ stood there until ah gave her permission ta be excused.”

“Why would Granny put soap in her mouth?” asked Fluttershy

“Apparently Green used a bad word.” Applejack said, “Ah just don’t know how to convince her that it’s okay to say ‘no’ ta me.”

“It sounds like she’s afraid of your disapproval,” said Fluttershy, “Have you tried explaining why you want her to do things?”

“Well, Ah explained why she had ta go ta school.” said Applejack, “Ah hope she’s doin’ alright. She was so anxious it was making her feel sick.”

“Wait, so she refused to go to school?” Fluttershy asked

“She begged for my permission not ta go ta school.” Applejack explained, “Ah jus’ told her that she didn’t go ta school Ah’d get in trouble an’ then ah wouldn’t be able to look after her anymore. She didn’t fuss anymore after that.”

“Oh no!” Fluttershy exclaimed, “I, er... nevermind.”

“What is it?”

“I mean, I don’t want to worry you,” said Fluttershy meekly, “But I think Green might have taken that in a way you didn’t intend.”

Fluttershy took a sip of her tea and Applejack waited for her to continue.

“Well, it sounds like she finally worked up the courage to tell you she was afraid to do what you asked,” Fluttershy said, “And then you may have, not on purpose, implied that she would be kicked out of her new home if she didn’t do what you say.”

Applejack swallowed as she looked at her own reflection in her cup of tea. It tasted bitter despite the sugar she’d heaped into it.

The bitter taste persisted in her mouth as she arrived at the schoolhouse to see Cheerilee arguing with a clearly distraught Green.

“What’s goin’ on here?” asked Applejack, “Are you alright Sweetpea?”





“I’m fine.” I said, “Let’s just go.”

Cheerilee sighed.

“We should probably talk in my office.” Said Cheeilee, “Green can stay or go if she likes.”

Much as I wanted to go home and take a nap, I had to know what they were saying about me. There had been entirely too many misunderstandings up to this point.

I wordlessly followed Applejack and Cheerilee back to the schoolhouse, my tiny hooves leaden with equal parts fatigue and dread.

Most of the class had left as soon as class was released, but there were still some ponies hanging around, no doubt to see the outcome of the confrontation between student and teacher.

I could imagine them all saying “Oooh, Green’s in trouble!”

They didn’t say it, but I could see it in their expressions.

When we got back to Cheerilee’s office I was leaning against one of Applejack’s forelegs to stay upright. I knew I couldn’t sit down or I would fall asleep. AJ’s coat was soft and warm, even if it was coated in a layer of dirt from working out in the fields. I didn’t have to worry about that anymore since it wouldn’t make my skin itch. Heh.

“Well,” said Cheerilee, “As you may have gathered, Green hasn’t had a good first day.”





While the filly was making a valiant effort to stay awake, it was clear she was fighting a losing battle. Applejack had been warned that if Green had a magic surge she would be very fatigued, so she wasn’t too worried about Green physically; emotionally though, she had clearly had a very rough first day of school.

Applejack felt somewhat responsible. She’d forced Green to go to school on the understanding that she’d be removed from her care if she didn’t go to school. The farm-pony had said it rather casually, but she hadn’t really considered how deeply Green might be affected by it. Green had immediately changed her tune, but, rather than just understanding the reason Applejack was making her go to school, the filly was probably terrified of being kicked out of her new home.

She looked down to see that Green’s eyes were closed, and her legs were locked; she’d fallen asleep standing up.

“Is she alright?” asked Cheerilee

“She had a magic surge,” asked Applejack softly, “Didn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“Well they told me if she has a magic surge she’ll be real tired after an’ go straight ta sleep.” Applejack explained.

“You can put her on the sickbed if you like.” Said Cheerilee

While ponies were entirely capable of sleeping standing up, Green would wake up aching all over if Applejack let her sleep like that.

Careful not to wake the sleeping filly, Applejack picked Green up and tucked her into bed. The two adults moved to the other side of the long room before they continued the conversation.

“Green isn’t coping well with a school environment,” Cheerilee explained. “She was too shy to ask to use the bathroom during class, and then after class she was in such a rush she ran into the wrong bathroom - and while that could just be first day jitters, when she realized what she’d done she gave herself a full-blown panic attack.”

“Ah was afraid a’ that,” said Applejack

“As for her academic performance, you’re right, she does seem clever,” said Cheerilee, “She’s very articulate for her age, but emotionally? She’s cynical but without the maturity to accept it stoically, much as she tries. All her cleverness is focused on figuring out how everything is going to go wrong and why any attempt to help is doomed to failure.”

“So how did she end up having a magic surge?” asked Applejack

“It seems one of the other students was bullying her.”

“They what?” The floorboards creaked dangerously as Applejack’s earth pony magic twisted the floor beneath her.

Cheerilee took a step back involuntarily, hooves raised to placate the fuming mare.

“I can assure you I dealt with it as soon as it came to my attention.” said Cheerilee, “Green has obviously had a very negative experience with her previous school. She was absolutely certain that anything I did to try and stop the bullying would only make it worse.”

“And ya just listened ta her?”

“Of course not,” Said Cheerilee, “The first time I just forced her to apologize to Green, but for the second incident there will be consequences.”

“Then why was Green the one ya were hollerin’ at?” Applejack questioned

“She told the filly that was bullying her to jump down a well.”

“And?” said Applejack, “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with tellin’ a jerk ta go soak their head.”

“Green was very clear that she wanted her to die.” explained Cheerilee, “She seemed to think it was the only way to stop her from bullying her and her friends.”

“Her friends?” Asked Applejack, “Wait just a minute, don’t tell me this was Diamond Tiara again.”

Cheerilee sighed. “I don’t think Diamond Tiara is the real problem here.”

“Ya mind running that past me again?”

If she didn’t word her next sentence right Cheerilee was worried that Applejack might leave hoofprints in the hardwood floor.

“Not that Green is the problem!” Cheerilee assured, “I just think Green is projecting the feelings she had for bullies at her old school onto Diamond Tiara.”

“So yer tellin’ me that not only is that filly still bullyin’ ma little sister after ya said you’d deal with it,” Applejack said, “But now she’s bullyin’ Green too on her first day ‘a school?”

“From how the other foals tell it,” said Cheerilee, “Green exploded just because Diamond gave an insincere apology. What Diamond did isn’t right, and I just got done talking to her about it before I went to get Green’s side of the story, but Green clearly has issues that go beyond just what happened today.”

“And what about ma little sister?”

“Applebloom has one group of friends, and Diamond has another.” said Cheerilee, “They don’t interact much anymore. If they start antagonizing each-other I can step in, but I can’t force them to be friends.”

“Ah guess that makes sense.” said Applejack, “So what was Diamond apologizing for?”

“Diamond was making fun of Green for not knowing how many days there were in a year.” said Cheerilee, “I think Green was feeling insecure and she just said a random number as a joke, but it didn’t land. She can be very sarcastic.”

Applejack looked over at the sleeping filly’s fragile form.

“She was fidgeting a lot during class and not paying attention.” said Cheerilee, “At first I thought she might be a bit hyperactive, but as it turns out she was just trying not to let anypony know she needed to use the restroom. She’s not the first student I’ve had with anxiety issues, though she is on the more extreme end.”

“Well, Ah did warn ya.”

“And Applebloom too I gather,” said Cheerilee, “She spotted that Green was having a panic attack immediately and tried to comfort her. Green kept saying she was fine until I took her back to my office to calm down.”

Applejack felt a swell of pride at her sister’s thoughtfulness, but it was tempered with concern.

“After I spoke with her, she was much calmer in the second class.” said Cheerilee, “Though she still wasn’t paying much attention. She had her eyes closed - I think she was testing to see if I’d react; she seems determined to prove other ponies are out to get her.”

“Ah’m thinking she might not be ready to go to school.” said Applejack, “Ah’ll discuss it with her social worker. She was going to schedule some therapy sessions for Green, but I haven’t heard back about that yet.”

“I don’t entirely disagree,” said Cheerilee, “She definitely needs therapy, and maybe a couple days off, but given time I think she could settle into the class alright. Applebloom and her friends seem to have already taken her in as one of their own.”

Cheerilee breathed a sigh of relief as the farmer finally stepped away from her. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d just survived an interrogation.

As Applejack approached the cot she noticed, despite the filly’s best efforts to hide it, that Green was awake.





“Do ya really think Green meant what she said about Diamond Tiara?” Asked Applebloom

The crusaders were standing guard outside the schoolhouse waiting for Green to return.

“I mean she did sound a bit psycho.” Scootaloo winced at Applebloom’s glare, “What? She did!”

“She was just scared.” Applebloom insisted

“She didn’t sound scared,” said Sweetie Belle, “Just really, really angry. You don’t think she would actually hurt Diamond Tiara do you?”

“Well it’s not like she wouldn’t deserve it,” said Scootaloo

“We’re not throwing Diamond Tiara in a well,” Applebloom stated in a flat tone.

“I don’t want her to die!” Scootaloo waved her hooves placatingly, “I just - you can’t tell me you’ve never wanted to buck her in the face.”

“Ah guess,” Applebloom admitted, “But Green’s barely met her - and you know Tiara isn’t going to leave her alone now. What’s going to happen next time?”

“Speaking of next time,” Scootaloo mumbled under her breath.

Applebloom turned to see that the pink Filly in question was approaching them with her friend Silver Spoon.

“Haven’t ya done enough?” asked Applebloom

The pink filly grinned. “Once my daddy hears about how that new filly tried to kill me she won’t be allowed at this school anymore.”

“No-pony tried to kill you Diamond.” said Scootaloo, “Just leave us alone.”

“It was very traumatic,” said Diamond Tiara, “I’ll make sure she gets taken away so she doesn’t beat you up again Scootaloo.”

Scootaloo rubbed at her bruise involuntarily.

“It was an accident,” the pegasus bristled, “But if you keep talking I can give you a matching one.”

“Looks like Green isn’t the only one I have to tell daddy about.” 

Tiara flicked her hair as she walked away.

“Blank flanks.”





“You awake, Sweetpea?” she asked softly

The filly stretched and yawned. “Unfortunately.”

“It’s time to go.” said Applejack, “Are you up for walking, or would you like me to carry you?”

The filly looked embarrassed. “I’ll walk.” 





Despite straining my hearing I could barely make out any of the conversation. My horn hurt, though not quite as bad as it had after my first magic surge. The crusaders had been waiting for us outside the schoolhouse, which I guess meant they really considered me one of them. Which sucked because that meant they would want to include me in all their activities, and I couldn’t turn them down all the time because then they’d think I was rejecting them.

“Are you alright Sweetpea?”

“I’m fine,” I answered automatically

“That was a rough first day.”

“Understatement of the century,” I grumbled

“How ‘bout Ah take all y’all for some icecream.” said Applejack, “Mah treat.”

I wanted to say no, all I wanted was to get back home and crash on my bed, but seeing the excited faces of the other crusaders I just couldn’t ruin that for them.

“That sounds nice,” I replied

The closer we got to Sugar Cube Corner, the more I felt like something was going to go wrong. I couldn’t nail down exactly what. There was Pinkie Pie of course. I hadn’t seen her since the failed party. The words ‘failed party’, and ‘Pinkie’ being in such close proximity raised the hair on the back of my neck. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing her, and what’s worse if she found out I was avoiding her she’d be hurt even more.

There was also that Sugar Cube Corner is one of the places the CMC were ambushed by bullies in the show. If Applejack was there Diamond wouldn’t be able to say anything overt, but that almost made it worse.

Maybe we’d run into Rainbow Dash and she and AJ would argue again because I’d screwed up their friendship.

“Ah said, what flavor did ya want?” asked Applejack

I shook my head to clear it.

“Uh,” I was so tired I couldn’t quite see straight so I didn’t bother reading the flavors, “Vanilla. Thanks.”

The ice cream tasted great, even if it was tricky to hold the cone with my hoof.

I kept an eye out for Pinkie Pie as we sat in the booth, fortunately I didn’t see her since I’m sure she would have noticed me ducking to avoid being noticed. Even with that anxiety though, the force of will keeping me awake was flagging and I ended up resting the side of my face on the table.

When Applejack picked me up and placed me on her back I was too tired to feel embarrassed over it. I just yawned and closed my eyes as the motion of her walking gently rocked me back and forth.
> April Fools Chapter
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taking the day off school I was invited for tea with Fluttershy.

“Now Green this is Fluttershy,” said Applejack, “I understand the two of you have met already?”

“In my dreams.” I snarked

Fluttershy’s cottage was about how I expected from watching the show. What the show couldn’t capture was the smell. It didn’t smell of animal droppings, I guess Fluttershy could just tell the animals to do their business outside, but it did smell faintly of the musk of a hundred different animals, and fresh hay from their beddings. Unapologetically so, there was no perfume or air freshener attempting to cover the natural scents. 

I glanced at Fluttershy nervously to see if she had taken offence to my joke, but she seemed to have taken it in stride. As with the first time we met, I really didn’t want to give her anxiety. I could see her eyes scanning me, no doubt taking note of my body language to see if she was frightening me. I couldn’t let that happen.





Fluttershy looked at the nervous filly in front of her and her heart broke, the filly was so nervous to meet her that she had frozen up. The idea that she was causing the filly distress made her hide behind her mane.





I could see that I was making Fluttershy distressed with my presence, but I couldn’t leave either, that would be even worse. My heart hurt in my chest as it started to beat faster.





Fluttershy was the Element of Kindness, and while that didn’t give her any freaky kindness powers, she did have a very well developed sense of empathy, and her link to her element only strengthened that. She could sense that her own anxiety was making the filly more anxious, and a feeling was welling in her chest. A familiar feeling.

“Oh dear.” Said fluttershy





I could feel magic building in the air like static electricity. It seemed to correspond with my increasing levels of anxiety. What if I had another magic surge? What if I hurt Fluttershy? The anxiety, and the magic, continued to build until Fluttershy’s element necklace materialised around her neck.

“What tha’ hay is happening?” Asked Applejack

“I don’t know,” said Fluttershy, “But it feels like, what happened before... you know when.”

“No Ah don’t know when,” said Applejack, “Why are ya bein’ cryptic at a time like this? Is it so the re-”

There was a blinding flash as a beam of multicoloured energy came from Fluttershy’s element necklace and collided with my chest.





When I came to I was in the dreamrealm... wait, does that make sense? Does it count as waking up if you’re in a dream? I suppose it doesn’t really matter.

“Luna?” I called out

I was in an endless expanse of blue, interspersed with stars, though somehow there was an invisible surface for me to walk on.

“Luna?” I tried again, “This is a dream right?”

Luna walked out of nowhere to appear right in front of me. It would have been strange if this wasn’t a dream.

“My little pony,” said Luna, “‘tis not a dream, but neither are you awake.”

“Oh,” I said, “So am I like, dead or in a coma or something?”

“Nay,” said Luna, “Thou art a princess, Green.”

“I’m a what?”

“A Princess.”

“A princess?” I said, dumbfounded, “But I’m just Green.”

“Well ‘Just Green’”, said Luna, “Thou art a princess.”

“But I can’t be a princess!” I insisted, “I’m just Green!”

“Well ‘Just Green’”, said Luna, “Thou art a princess.”

“Now see here,” I was starting to get aggravated, “I’m not a fucking princess!”

“Listen you ungrateful brat,” said Luna, “Thou art a princess, and that’s final.”

“Well what if I don’t want to be a bloody princess?” I yelled, “Did you think of that, you overgrown horse?”

Luna sighed.

“Look,” she said, “You’re going to be a fucking princess, you’ll go to Canterlot, you’ll get your fucking crown, and you’re gonna be fuckin’ pleased about it!”

“I’ll take a fuckin’ shit on tha crown.”

“Now Green, we’ve tried that when we were young and we don’t recommend it.” Said Luna, “Trust us, the public skips straight past the symbolic nature of such a gesture and simply focuses on the act of public defecation.”

“Wat.” I think my mind broke a little 

"Green. Thou. Art. A. Princess.” Luna pressed her hoof into my chest, “You’ll play your part, whether you like it or not.”

“But... what am I the princess of?”

“Princess of Anxiety.”





> Cheer Up Green
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Applejack woke me when it was time for dinner. I was confused as to where I was for a moment before I realised that she must have somehow transferred me into my own bed without waking me.

The ache in my horn had mostly faded, though the fatigue and a general sense of queasiness remained. Thankfully this time I didn’t throw up on Applejack like I had at the hospital.

Applejack saw I was having some difficulty walking down the stairs with my only-mostly-healed foreleg,  and rather than argue I just let her carry me down the rest of the way.

It wasn’t until I smelled dinner that I realised how hungry I was; and that I had slept through lunch.

Dinner was roasted vegetables with some kind of apple-based glaze. I was more focused on shoveling it into my mouth than I was tasting it. I ate three servings before my body finally signaled that I was full.

“Green,” said Applejack, “About what happened at school today.”

My tired brain didn’t have the tact to suppress an audible groan.

“You don’t have ta talk about it right now,” She continued, “Ah just want ya ta know that Ah’m sorry fer bein’ dismissive when ya said ya were worried about school.”

I could tell that Applejack had spoken to someone about me. A therapist maybe? The line sounded rehearsed and the wording was a bit off for how Applejack normally spoke.

“It’s not your fault,” I said, “I just... lost control. I know I’m making things difficult. “

“Oh sweetpea, Ah don’t want ya ta be worryin’ about that.” Applejack moved forward and gave me a hug. Her coat was soft.

“I’m so good at worrying though.” I said sarcastically. “What do you think a cutie mark in anxiety would look like?”

“It may not seem like it now,” said Applejack, “But it will get better, Ah promise.”

No it won’t.

“I believe you.” I said

Applejack could tell I was lying and she just hugged me tighter.

When I got back upstairs I just crashed on my bed. Everything was just so tiring. Applejack was trying so hard and I was just screwing it up for her. Over and over.





I woke before sunrise, again. This time it felt like it was still the middle of the night, which I guess made sense since I’d napped during the day. I didn’t want to get up, in case I woke someone else in the house, but I felt wide awake and couldn’t go back to sleep.

It wasn’t pitch black outside, thanks to the oversized moon, but there was no trace of blue on the horizon to indicate an approaching sunrise. I didn’t have a clock in my room, which was irksome. After years of shift work, I lived by the clock - I could be waking up or going to sleep at any hour of the day. Not something I had to worry about anymore, but it was still a comfortable routine to wake and check the time. 

I stretched out my limbs, and it felt almost wrong that they didn’t ache. 

Unable to sleep, or to get up, I was stuck with my thoughts.

In a few hours I was going to have to go to school again. There was no real point trying to convince AJ to let me stay home. It was her job to make sure I went to school, so trying to convince her not to force me to go was just going to make her feel bad; or worse, if I was successful, I’d get her into trouble. Applejack was honest to a fault so she was definitely going to tell them about the soap incident, and I’d be lucky if they didn’t take me away just for that. I couldn’t let them take advantage of Applejack’s overly open and trusting nature.

It wasn’t that I was particularly attached to this placement, but Applejack clearly was, and I felt like if I got taken away it would destroy her. So, I had to go to school. It’s not like it would kill me.  It’ll just make me wish I were dead. Joking. Probably. Hopefully.

I felt like I needed to get up and pace around, but clip clopping around on the hardwood floor was going to wake everyone up. I also wanted to avoid seeing granny this morning. After what happened last time it was just going to be awkward.





When I finally heard the hoofsteps of everypony else walking around the sun was already peaking over the horizon. As awake as I’d felt a couple hours ago, now I felt tired. With no-one else around I allowed my shoulders to slump as I trudged my way to the bathroom to start my morning. When I passed through my bedroom door I made an effort to look less despondent in case anypony saw me. I even put a slight smile on my face which should, in theory, make me feel happier.

It didn’t work so well when I was breathing past the tightness in my chest.

“Good mornin’ Green,” Said Applejack, “Did’ya sleep alright?”

She sounded tired. Did she have trouble sleeping because she was worrying about me? I felt my anxiety rising. I took a deep breath and felt the floor under my hooves. Four points touching the floor, anchoring me.

I was being stupid. She was tired because it was early morning and she just woke up - no reason to think that had anything to do with me. Any yet... I couldn’t rule it out either. If I asked her about it she would just lie to save my feelings... wait. This was Applejack, so she wouldn’t lie would she?

“I’m fine,” I said, “This is a dumb question and I... were you having trouble sleeping because you’re worrying about me?”

“Oh sweetpea you don’t have to worry about me none,” Said Applejack, “I do feel concerned for you, but I slept jus’ fine.”

Even though this was the Element of Honesty, I still had a hard time trusting she was telling the truth. I knew I would never tell her the truth if our situations were reversed. I still felt a bit better. Now I just had to get through another day of school.

“Aww, cheer up darlin’” Said Applejack, “Ya don’t have ta go ta school today.”

Damnit, this is what I was afraid of.

“I’m fine, really,” I said, “I can go to school.”

“Ah’m real sorry about what Ah said yesterday,” Applejack said, “Ah didn’t mean ta make it sound like ya were going to be kicked out’a this home for missing school.”

“It’s not up to you though is it?” I said glumly, “If foal services finds out that you’re letting me miss school then you’ll get in trouble and they won’t let you take care of me anymore.”

“Ah spoke with Dayglow yesterday, and yer teacher, and we all think it would be a good idea for ya to have some time off ta settle in.” AJ explained, “Nopony is goin’ ta get in trouble.”

“Oh.” I sat down right in the middle of the hallway.

I should have felt relieved but I just couldn’t relax. Something was going to go wrong. I felt it in the back of my neck. I hadn’t predicted this, which meant I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know what, but something was going to go wrong. I’d been prepared for going to school, but now...

The only warning I had was a widening of Applejack’s eyes as she reacted to something behind me.

“No-” She said, just as I was knocked to the floor.

I felt hot breath on my face and opened my eyes to see a set of fangs; followed by a rough pink tongue that licked at my face.

“Winona!” Commanded Applejack, “Heel!”

There were tears streaming down my face, but they were tears of relief. I reached out and hugged the dog. She initially struggled against my grip to obey her master’s command, then she gave in and just licked my ear. Winona was at least as tall as I was, maybe a little taller, but she was rail thin so I had the clear weight and strength advantage. 

I released her from the hug and she looked at AJ for a moment as if waiting for a command. When Applejack just smiled at her she turned back to me and bowed down with her front legs, wagging her tail as she invited me to play.

I wished I had a tennis ball or something to throw for her. Winona’s boundless enthusiasm was infectious and I actually found myself grinning as she sniffed around me and allowed herself to be pet. The novelty of having a dog as big as me made me giggle.

“Well, that’s not tha’ way I planned to introduce you two,” Said Applejack, “But Ah’d say yer gonna get along just fine.”
> Life in Equestria
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why doesn’t Green have ta go ta school?” asked Applebloom, “This ain’t about what happened with Diamond is it?”

“She’s not in trouble,” explained Applejack, “We just think it would be better if she had a couple days to settle into living in Ponyville.”

“But yesterday you said-”

“Ah know what Ah said yesterday,” said Applejack, “But it was a mistake to send her back to school before she’s ready. You saw what happened.”

Applebloom squinted at her sister.

“Yer not gonna be doin’ that whole overprotective big sis routine again are ya?” asked Applebloom.

“You know I’m sitting right here?” I said

Winona rubbed up against me again and I scratched her ears as best I could with a hoof. Maybe she was paying attention because animals can sense when you’re  feeling insecure - or maybe it had something to do with the piece of cheese I’d snuck her when I thought nopony was looking.

As I’d expected for a farm, the milk and cheese were fresh and delicious, but Winona could still have a little bit because she’s very cute.





Applejack smiled at the filly happily playing with Winona. Yesterday she’d made a point to keep them separated so that, in the case Green was afraid of dogs, she could introduce them in a controlled way. Applebloom must have let Winona inside this morning, but she couldn’t be too mad given the outcome.

So Fluttershy was right.  Thought Applejack. Animals really do help with anxiety.

Maybe Green would have been better off with Fluttershy than her? Fluttershy never offered though, and she probably had her own problems to deal with. 

Applejack wasn’t quite sure what to do with Green today. She and Big Mac had work to do on the farm, but she didn’t want to leave Green to be watched by Granny, not after what happened last time. There was nothing for it but to bring Green with her. If it was Applebloom she could get her to help with the chores, but with Green’s poor hoof grip and co-ordination she probably wouldn’t be able to do much. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too bored just watching.

“Al’right,” said Applejack, “Since you’re not going to school today, how about you come with me and learn about how to run a farm?”

“That sounds nice,” said Green

If Applejack closed her eyes she could almost imagine Fluttershy was standing in front of her.

“And yer’ not jus’ sayin’ that because you’re ‘fraid to hurt ma feelings?” asked the farm pony.

“If I was, you would know.”

“Ah can’t read yer mind Sweetpea,” Applejack said gently

“Ah’m just not that good at fibbin’,” Green mimicked Applejack’s accent

Applejack raised an eyebrow. The filly tried to copy her, but ended up just raising both her eyebrows. Applejack cracked a smile and ruffled Green’s mane, the filly leaning into her hoof much the way Winona would.





Unlike what I had expected, there was no applebucking involved in today’s activities. I suppose it made sense that they wouldn’t be harvesting every day, but there were few other examples from the show of what the Apples actually did when it wasn’t applebuck season.

As it turned out, for me, there was a lot of walking.

There were cows to be milked, eggs to be collected, fences to be mended and saplings to be watered and cared for. I couldn’t help with much of any of it aside from holding up some fencing wire while Applejack tacked it to the fence posts.

Winona kept pace with us too, and despite being a working dog, she still enjoyed a good game of fetch with her favorite pink ball. When my hoofgrip refused to let go of the ball, fetch turned briefly into tug-of-war, but Winona didn’t seem to mind. After a couple hours of this I started to feel tired again - probably because I woke up so early this morning. Winona had a few goes at trying to nudge me into playing with her more, but was mostly content to just sit with me until Applejack called her.



It was nice to be out in the sun without having to worry about my skin, but there was never quite enough time for me to doze off before we moved to the next job. This body still wasn’t very fit, and I found my legs aching before we even got to lunchtime. 

Applebloom came back from school in time to get lunch with us at the farmhouse. School was only ever half-days to give children a chance to play or work on their special talent. With the triple length years I guess that half days were more than enough to cover what foals needed to learn for their primary education. Cheerilee taught younger students in the morning, and older students in the afternoon.

“How was your day at school?” asked Applejack

“It was alright Ah guess,” said Applebloom, “Everypony was talking about Green though.”

“What were they saying?” I asked

“Er, it wasn't very nice,” said Applebloom, “Diamond thinks she got ya kicked outta school. Ya are commin’ back, right?”


“I sure hope not.” I replied. “But realistically yes, they will force me to go back to school eventually.”

“But how will ya learn all the stuff ya haf’ ta know if you don’t go ta school?” Applebloom asked.

“I can read,” I said, “So I’ll just get the textbooks or whatever. I can read faster than Cheerilee can teach anyway.”

“What if ya don’t understand somethin’?”

“Then I’ll read other books that explain it better.”

“Ya really like books, huh?” asked Applebloom. “You should meet Miss Twilight.”

“Princess Twilight?” I asked.

“If’in ya want ta be all fancy it’s ‘Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight’” explained Applejack, “But she don’t like ta be called that outside’a court.”

“Oh,” I said, “Alright.”

“Ah have to get back ta work after lunch,” said Applejack, “But how about you girls take a trip to the library and pick out some books.”





Whether it was because she’d been cooped up in school while I was walking around all morning, or just because the farm filly was so much fitter than me, I was straining to keep up as she led the way through Ponyville. I could tell that she was getting impatient with my pace, and I struggled to control my breathing so it wasn’t obvious how out of shape I was.

I’d never really thought about it before, but after the library tree got destroyed, the Castle of Friendship became the new public library. It was much more imposing in person - in pony? - easily a dozen stories tall with walls several feet thick of partially translucent crystal. Racing up the castle steps after Applebloom there was no hiding the fact that I was well and truly winded.

Rather than being cool as I expected from a solid hunk of crystal, the wall was warm. I could feel the magical field of the wall as I leaned against it to catch my breath, as if the wall were a pony. 

“Y’all right?” asked Applebloom

“Yeah... I’m fine, I-” I panted, “The castle is alive.”

“It feels like a tree,” said Applebloom, “But with way more magic. Twilight told us each type of pony experiences the castle’s magic differently. Scootaloo said the castle felt like a storm cloud turned solid.”

I filed that under ‘interesting facts I have no context to understand yet’ and followed Applebloom deeper into the castle.

I don’t know how she knew which door was the library since they all looked the same to me. When we entered I was surprised to see a purple alicorn sitting behind the returns desk.

“Princess Twilight?” I exclaimed.

“Shhhh!” Came the immediate response.

I approached the desk so I could speak at a more library appropriate level.

“I mean, er, your majesty,” I said, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“It’s ‘your highness’,” said Twilight, “But please, call me Twilight.”

“Oh. Er, sorry.”

“Welcome to Ponyville Library,” said the alicorn princess, “Is there anything I can help you find?”

“Why are you running the library?” I asked. “Don’t you have, like, princess stuff to do?”

Twilight gave a soft, library appropriate giggle.

“I’m not a ruling princess like Celestia and Luna,” explained Twilight, “So no, not really.”

I almost asked if she was bored, but then I remembered that this was Twilight and she was surrounded by a library three stories tall that she no-doubt had the royal prerogative to reshelve as often as she liked. 

I almost just asked for a book about magic, but then I realised how dumb that would have been. I’d have to be much more specific, especially with Twilight. The problem was that I didn’t know enough about magic to even know what I was looking for. Beyond that, I probably didn’t have the cultural context to understand what I was reading even if I found it. Alright, let’s try to cover all the bases and see how many books she’ll let me take.

“I’m looking for the shortest history book you can find that covers history from ancient to modern, a book on pony anatomy, a medical dictionary, a first aid manual, a book that covers the fundamentals of magic, a dictionary of magical terms, and a book that gives a brief overview of the history of magic as a field of study.”

Applebloom was looking at me with a raised eyebrow; Twilight practically squee’d with delight as she clasped her front hooves together.

“Oh,” I added, glancing at her wings, “and a book on royal etiquette”

“Wow, that’s a lot of books!” Twilight said, before squinting a little, “Is this for a school project?”

“Nah,” I decided to mess with Twilight a little, “I got kicked out of school.”

Twilight’s look of horror was cut short by Applebloom, who nudged me.

“No ya didn’t.” Applebloom said, before turning to Twilight. “She jus’ takin’ a couple days off from school ta settle in.”

“Of course,”  said Twilight, “They said you had a dark sense of humor.”

Naturally, Twilight would think that getting expelled was the darkest thing to joke about.

Wait.

I felt as if a bucket of ice water had just been poured over the back of my head.

“Who told you that?” I kept my voice even as I struggled to control my breathing

I was suddenly aware of how much taller than me Twilight was, and the silence of the library that had been comforting became unsettling.

I was a little shocked when Applebloom put her fetlock on my withers.

“It’s okay Green,” Applebloom said, “Twilight is a nice pony, she’s not gonna make fun of ya.”

That’s not what I’m afraid of.

I almost said as much until I thought better of it.

What am I afraid of?

“I’m fine.” I said, “I'm just - I was surprised.”

Applejack must have been talking to her about me. Which I guess wasn’t technically a violation of my trust, since she never said she would keep anything between us a secret. I still felt betrayed.

I was looking at the floor and I flinched when purple hooves suddenly appeared in front of me. Twilight had used her wings to leap over the library counter to land in front of me.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean to make you feel anxious!”

“It’s fine.” I said

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

“It’s just my stupid body overeacting.” I continued. “Not your fault.”

“We can go home if ya like.” Applebloom offered

I looked up at Twilight who had an undisguised look of anxiety on her own face.

Damnit, now I was making her feel bad too.

“No.” I said quietly. “We should stay, I still need to get some books, otherwise we came here for nothing.”

Twilight gave a genuine smile. “Now that I can help you with. It’s always good to see fillies who enjoy reading!”

In my panic, I’d forgotten the list of books I’d asked for, but Twilight hadn’t. That pony’s memory must be incredible.

In a series of flashy, but silent, teleports Twilight had a stack of books that came up almost to my shoulder. On the bottom of the stack was a book so broad it could have been used as a doormat by a pony foolish enough to incur Twilight’s wrath. The book was labeled “Greymane’s Anatomy”.

“The history book I picked out for you isn’t the shortest,” Twilight indicated a tome as thick as my hoof, “But Weathered Scroll provides a good summary in the first three chapters, and there’s a timeline in the appendix, so you shouldn’t need to read the whole thing.”

Displaying this kind of detailed knowledge of the books in her library, without even referring to an index, was almost unnerving. Just thinking about how many years it would take to read all those books made it seem impossible, but if Twilight was in her early twenties she could have spent more than fifteen pony years reading books every day. The equivalent of four decades of experience and all while her brain was in a state of constant growth, the best state for learning new things. 

“Wow,” I said, “Thanks!”

Or she may just have memorised the best books on common topics. Which was still a hell of a lot of books.

“Normally you would only be allowed to check out five books,” Twilight explained, “But since Applebloom is here too she can check out the other books for you. Oh, and there’s still one more book you can take if Applebloom wants one.”

“Er, no. Ah’m good.” Said Applebloom. “Twilight, how are we even supposed ta carry this many books?”

“Oh! One moment.” Twilight vanished once more in a flash of teleportation, returning with a pair of filly sized saddle bags adorned with her cutie mark.

“These were my bookbags when I was a filly.” Twilight explained. “If you promise to take good care of them, you can borrow them for as long as you like.”

I looked from the saddlebags to the stack of books, noting the great disparity in size.

I tried to raise an eyebrow, but instead just raised both of them while one eye twitched. Twilight seemed to grasp my skepticism regardless.

“They’re enchanted specifically to hold books.” She explained. “Each one can hold a dozen books and keep them protected from damage, and their weight and volume are reduced by a factor of ten.”







Once Twilight had produced the bookbags Green’s earlier anxiety seemed all but forgotten. The filly had examined them in awe as if they were a lost artifact of Starswirl the Bearded, rather than the standard issue bookbags of a student who attended Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. It made Twilight thrilled to see filly so excited about reading. She reminded the Princess of herself as a filly; Rather unfortunately so with the anxiety.

She did however, notice the books the filly had chosen. They weren’t the choices of a curious foal; They made more sense as the choices of an educated, but ignorant, foreigner trying to understand ponies and integrate themselves into pony society.

History, anatomy, and magic. They were all topics a filly might have an interest in, but she didn’t just ask for a book about magic, or the facts of life, as Twilight had almost expected for a unicorn her age. The way she’d asked it was clear she was deliberately avoiding children’s books. At the same time she had preemptively asked for reference materials, meaning she expected to have difficulty understanding them but she knew how to study and was confident in her ability to work through it on her own.

Green’s emphasis on finding ‘brief’ history books meant that she was familiar with how long and dry history books were, but somehow didn’t know enough history to even specify what time period she wanted to know about. Anypony who had the briefest exposure to Equestrian history would have known that their history was divided into the pre-Celestial era and the Celestial era, not ‘Ancient and Modern’.

‘Modern History’ was almost an oxymoron; ‘modern’ being synonymous with ‘contemporary’ or ‘new’. Twilight liked it as a turn of phrase. ‘Modern History’: New history we’re making every day. It’d be a clever name for a newsletter about current events.

Twilight stopped herself short of declaring her theory of the filly’s extra-equestrian origin ‘proven’. She was cognizant of the effects of confirmation bias on her own reasoning. She would have to show this list to somepony else, somepony ignorant of her hypothesis, to see if they reached the same conclusion.
> Book Horse
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I got back to my room, I was excited to finally get some answers about the Equestria I was in. The bookbags themselves were almost as interesting as their contents. Some of the books were clearly too large to even fit through the opening of the bags, and yet they did. I was kinda expecting them to be bigger on the inside, but that wasn’t the case. Instead it was the books that were smaller. Reaching my hoof into the bag, it was still the same dimensions it appeared to be on the outside, but when books (and only books) approached the mouth of the bag, they shrunk. I could see tiny versions of the books I’d borrowed and grab them.

When I tried to pull Graymane’s Anatomy out of the bag, I collapsed under it as it returned to its original size. Luckily nopony was around to see that.



As I tried to flip through the pages of Graymane’s Anatomy using the edge of my hoof, I noticed two of the pages were separated more than the others, as if someone had placed a bookmark. Giving up on flipping the pages with my hoof I found a ruler and used it to flip to the page in question. The heading at the top of the page read “Female Organs of Generation”, but the thing that caught my eye was the colorful pamphlet which had been inserted between the pages, “Your Body and You: Everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask!” The leaflet was colour-coded pink, and the cover was adorned with pictures of filles looking confused.

I almost face hoofed but I caught myself just before impact and instead placed my head onto my hoof gently. 

Really, Twilight?

May as well at least take a look. I opened the pamphlet expecting to see the standard information about puberty, periods, pregnancy, and prophylactics. My eyes widened.

Wait a minute, what the heck is estrus?

Five minutes later, I was much better informed and feeling slightly ill. My only comfort was I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this for at least a few years.  For the first time since my arrival in this world, I was really confronting the fact that my body was female, and I wasn’t sure that I was okay with it. I’d have to spend some time figuring out the general consensus about gender-issues in pony society before I risked talking about it openly though. 

I mentally chastised myself for looking left and right surreptitiously before sliding the booklet back between the pages where I’d found it. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, damnit, and looking around like that would only make it suspicious for anypony watching. I was careful to put the pamphlet back exactly where I’d found it for plausible deniability. No doubt Twilight’s intention was that I would find it if I had borrowed the anatomy book to look up ‘naughty bits’. I was above such childish nonsense and I didn’t want Twilight thinking otherwise! I was still a bit nervous. With Twilight’s eidetic memory she could probably remember the exact lines of text that the edges of the pamphlet cut off and I hadn’t paid enough attention when I removed it to place it with that level of accuracy.

Skimming through the rest of Graymane’s Anatomy it was just as dry and specific to the locations and physical descriptions of organs rather than their functions as the seldom opened copy of Gray’s Anatomy I had in my apartment back in the human world. The illustrations were incredibly detailed however, and sometimes a little disturbing when you remembered that the sketches were drawn by someone witnessing an actual human dissection.

It was interesting to learn that ponies had eye plates rather than eye balls, and that non-pegasi had the same bones found in pegasi wings; internally in the form of tiny vestigial bones that flanked their spinal column. At a certain point of foetal development, appropriately known as the pseudo-alicorn stage, both the wings and the hole in the skull where the horn would form on a unicorn were present in all ponies. These and innumerable other facts I was able to extract from the dense paragraphs of text were strands of spaghetti thrown against the refrigerator that was my mind.

Frustratingly, I couldn’t take notes. I could make letters on a page, but the amount of time it took to ensure they were legible reduced my writing speed to only a few characters per minute. And they still looked like they were drawn by a five year old. The taste of wood and graphite in my mouth didn’t help. I’d seen other ponies writing with their mouth so there must be something to it. Making the decision easier was the fact I couldn’t hold a pencil in my hoof and keep it steady while I pressed it against the paper.

I tore a piece of lined notebook paper Applejack had given me into vaguely rectangular pieces to use as bookmarks, and, with great effort, wrote a number on each one. Then I started writing acronyms on a second page. I didn’t bother numbering them, I just put one on each line so that the line number was the same as the bookmark number it corresponded to. I read the section of text that contained the part I wanted to remember, put it in my own works and recited them out loud, then I wrote out an acronym for the key words in the section, closed the book and said it again while looking at the acronym. Concepts that were linked got arrows that pointed from one acronym to another. Soon enough, the paper was a complete mess of seemingly random letters and connecting arrows that it would take a codebreaker to decipher.

I felt like I was back in college again. The good part, where I could study new subjects; that first rush of excitement when everything starts to ‘click’ and you’re making connections to information you already know. In my youth, I’d read everything I could get my hands on. It was my dream to know everything. A childish dream. Inevitably, I hit a wall. There was too much knowledge in the world for any one person to know, and the higher levels of each field were frustratingly unintuitive and esoteric. Now, though, I had entirely new fields to study, and I could enjoy the excitement of discovery all over again.

I wrote the letter ‘A’ at the top of the page and underlined it. Alright, enough anatomy for now. I’d go back tomorrow and see how much I could remember before flipping back to my bookmarks to reread the relevant sections.

I really should have tried to read the history book first if I was going to be a proper anthropologist. It would have been the best way to put everything I was learning into the proper context, but... I just didn’t want to. I’d get to it eventually. Instead I pulled out the book on magical theory.

The book was titled “The Modern Mage”. The first chapter was on Thaumatology, which I remembered was the name of a department in the hospital.

Introduction

Magic is a topic that is seldom considered by the average pony. Magic simply does what it is supposed to do. A pony needn’t think about how the magic they use in everyday life is channeled any more than they need to understand the structure of their legs in order to walk, but just as athletes benefit from an understanding of their physiology, a mage will be better able to hone their craft when they have an understanding of thaumatology.

Mana Pool

A pony’s mana pool is not a physical organ. There is an area in the center of the chest with a greater density of thaumic pathways which gives the perception that mana is pulled from the chest, but in fact mana is stored throughout the body.

Mana pool is a measure of a pony’s ability to store magic. A pony’s mana pool naturally expands as they grow to adulthood, but it cannot be trained. The ability of an experienced mage to cast more powerful spells in quick succession than a novice with a similar mana pool is the result of greater casting efficiency due to better mana shaping skills, and by more disciplined mana assimilation.

Thaumic pathways

In the simplest terms, thaumic pathways are a body system that allows the rapid transfer of mana from one part of the body to another. Disruptions to the thaumic pathways not only impair the ability of a pony to draw mana from the affected area, but completely nullify the ability to shape mana with any foci distal to the point of disruption.

At the bottom of the page on Thaumic pathways there was a diagram of a pony with lines that looked similar to the circulatory system with the distinction that it wasn’t a loop there was no return path, instead the thaumic pathways became smaller and smaller branches until they were too small to be illustrated.

Magical Foci

The most obvious and versatile magical focus is a unicorn’s horn, but magical focus describes any part of a pony’s body that can be used to shape mana. The wings of a pegasus and the hooves of all three tribes can act as foci, but the ability of such foci to shape mana into novel spells is absent or at least severely limited. In theory, any part of the body can be used as a focus, but in practice such experimentation is purely academic and has no practical application.

A unicorn’s horn is uniquely suited for novel mana shaping due to its close integration with the caster’s brain. While a unicorn’s neurons do not extend into the horn itself, the thaumic pathways that channel mana to the horn pass through the brain forming a dense knot within the frontal cortex. The core of a unicorn’s horn is highly enervated, but protected by a dense layer of keratin. Contrary to popular folklore, the keratin in a unicorn’s horn possesses no magical properties of its own. The use of horn shavings in potions and rituals is purely superstition and does not enhance their efficacy.

Ambient Mana

As with any living creature, ponies cannot survive without magic suffusing their bodies. Fortunately, ponies are endo-thaumic, which means they can generate and maintain their own magic field. As a result, ponies can live almost anywhere. This is in contrast to ecto-thaumic creatures, such as Timber Wolves, which rely on ambient magic to maintain their life essence. Ecto-thaums can only survive in areas with a sufficiently high ambient magic level. 

Endo-thaums are not capable of directly utilizing raw mana from their environment. When mana is drawn from an external source it must be assimilated into their own mana pool before it can be used. An endo-thaum’s internal magic field will repel magic that is not attuned to them, forcing raw magic into the body can cause serious injury. 

My page of notes was getting cramped, I flipped the page to the back for more room.

Magical Exhaustion

Under normal circumstances, pain and fatigue prevent a pony from draining their mana pool below the level necessary to maintain their vital bodily functions. The fatigue ponies feel when approaching this level is often colloquially referred to as magical exhaustion. In medical terms, this is not accurate. For the purpose of clarity, actual magical exhaustion will be referred to hereafter as Clinical Magical Exhaustion.

With enough stubborn determination, or when placed in mortal peril, it is possible for a caster to push through the limits of their pain and fatigue and face Clinical Magical Exhaustion. CME is debilitating and in extreme cases it can result in permanent injury or death. The risk of CME can be greatly increased by the use of certain illicit and prescription drugs. If you are taking any medications a physician should be consulted before engaging in high yield casting exercises.

The biological mechanism by which CME causes harm differs depending on location. In a high magical environment, reducing a pony’s internal magic pressure below ambient results in raw mana being involuntarily drawn into their body leading to acute mana poisoning. In a low magical environment a pony’s biological functions will begin to fail as there is insufficient magic to maintain cellular respiration.

CME may also be a symptom of several rare medical conditions, but that is outside the scope of this text. If you believe you or somepony else may be experiencing CME, emergency medical care should be sought immediately.

A knock at the door dragged me out of the intense focus. What was I just thinking about, it was important but...ugh. I closed my eyes and tried to reconstruct my train of thought but it slipped away and now all I could think about was why someone was interrupting me.

Applejack was standing in the doorway with a kind look on her face and I felt a little bad for being cross with her.

“Did you need some help?” I asked

Applejack chuckled.

“Ah’m fine, Sweetpea,” She said, “But y’all need to be gettin’ off ta bed. It’s a school night.”

“But I don’t go to school.”

“Maybe not, but ya still need yer sleep.”

I almost protested that I wasn’t tired but I had to stifle a yawn at the mere mention of sleep, so I figured there was no point in denying the obvious.

“Yer books will still be here in the mornin’.”

The weight of my head on the pillow confirmed that I was indeed, very tired. It had been a long day but, for the first time since I arrived in Equestria, I was eager for tomorrow.
> Bonus Content 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

**For those who skip the author notes, this is not canon**

My coat glistened with sweat, the afternoon heat was stifling, the humidity oppressive.

I want to melt between the cracks in the earth. I want to wake from this nightmare…

“Aren’t you going to accept my apology?” Diamond Tiara asked. 

“Please never speak to me again,” I warned. 

She huffed. 

“Wow, I thought maybe you were cool but-”

My blood turned to molten lava. I wanted to break her stupid face. In that moment, she was every bully I faced in my life.

“Fall down a well, Diamond Tiara.” I interrupted.

She smirked. 

The feeling in my chest like I was going to burst if I didn’t scream, the hairs of my coat standing on end, the accursed stinging in my eyes… and the painful spark that I felt from the tip to the base of my horn.

Sweetie Screamed. The others quickly followed suit. I was already on the move.

I couldn’t hear my own hoofsteps over the sound of my wrongly placed heart beating too fast. The landscape seemed to remain frozen in place as my small, frail body was pushed to its limits. 

Useless! 

My tiny, frail legs felt like leaden weights. My too-small lungs struggled to breathe. A searing pain shot through my forehead. The tree Diamond Tiara collide with remained too far away. I pushed forward. 

I tasted dirt. 

I had hardly needed to move like my life, or in this case, someone’s life depended on it. The rhythms for reaching and maintaining a rapid speed were far more complicated in this body. I spat a wad of crud out of my mouth before shakily getting to my hooves. I could still hear the cries and screams from behind me. 

I ignored my body’s complaints as I once more moved into a gallop. 

This was my fault.

The tree came into view. And so did diamond tiara. 

My coat stood on end. 

A large tree branch had skewered itself through her abdomen. My gaze hyperfocused upon the short, shallow movements of Diamond Tiara’s chest. It was an honest to god miracle that she was still alive, considering the force that was required to even launch her at such a distance. 

I sucked air into my lungs.

I can still fix this. Focus.

I breathed out. 

Her half-lidded eyes turn to look at me as I closely inspected the wound. The first and most important thing to remember when dealing with impaled objects was to not remove the impaled object. Contrary to pop culture and movies, removing objects without proper medical expertise could trigger external bleeding that can’t be stopped with external pressure. 

Focus. Breathe. I can fix this. 

A choked, painful gasp left Diamond Tiara’s lips as she started to hyperventilate. Her body began to thrash before I held her in place as best I could.

“Diamond, don’t move!” I shouted. “You will be ok! Just hold still and breathe.”

I couldn’t safely remove the branch without dealing irreparable damage to her. I also didn’t know how long it would take for help to arrive… but what could I do in the meantime? I can’t risk moving her, I can’t secure the branch-

I can’t do anything right. Why do I always screw up everything?

Diamond began to wail as her body shook upon the branch. I grimaced as I wrapped my limbs around her. 


“Diamond, please! You have to stop!”

Blood began to pool inside her mouth and spill onto the earth below. I froze.

I couldn’t do anything to help her. 

Useless. Useless! USELESS! 

Another painful spark emitted from my horn before sputtering to the ground. 

No.

Diamond’s glassy eyes met mine. 

No.

Her chest deflated.
No!

“Diamond!”

“Enough.”

Everything stopped. 

My stomach churned at the sight of Princess Luna touching down in front of me. Even without her filly form, she looked… unbecoming of a princess. Dark rings hung under her tired teal eyes as she scanned her surroundings while her once vibrant and starry mane hung uselessly to her side, its colors deflated.

“You will not find atonement this way, little one,”  Luna whispered. “We have first hoof experience in this regard.”

“...But I deserve this.”

“Do you?”

I gave Luna a puzzled look. 

“My sister went to great strides after our banishment to bring an end to all barbaric punishments. This,” Luna gestured with a forehoof. “Is torture.”

“But I couldn’t save her!” I yelled. “I murdered a child!”  

“And I nearly murdered millions more.”

Luna looked out to the horizon with a thousand-yard stare. I remained silent. 

“In our eyes, the millennia of solitary We faced was not enough. We forced ourselves to relive that cruel and empty prison, to howl into the ceaseless black until our lungs gave out. We forced ourselves to stare at the vibrant garden of a world that We so carelessly took for granted. We forced ourselves to become unmade and remade again and again as the elements burned away any semblance of our darker self.”

“The Tantabus.” I whispered to myself.

Luna turned to face me. 

“It was not until we allowed ourselves to let go of our guilt and forgive ourselves that we found peace.”

With a flash from her horn, the oppressive heat was gone and I sighed in relief. Snowflakes glittered in the rays of light. Blinking my stinging eyes, I was mesmerized by the sight of snow-covered peaks poking above the dense fog below us. I sighed before closing my eyes and slowing my breathing. 

“All wounds heal in time” Luna paused for a moment.“ even if they leave scars.”

Luna’s wing wrapped itself around me as she brought my tense body closer to herself.  This may have been a dream, the soft comfort Luna provided was welcome. I managed to make myself believe that everything was fine, if even just briefly. 


And then I felt bile rise to my throat. 

“Why?” 

“...Magic Surges are a random phenomenon that puzzles even our brightest minds. It can happen at any time and any place. For most foals, they merely disappear for a few hours and leave their parents worried sick. For others?” 

“It can cause irreparable harm. Our subjects have made great strides to curtail such events or minimize the damage whenever possible… but sometimes it is not enough.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked.

Luna’s ears folded to the side of her head as she kept her gaze outward. I was still not as well versed in pony body language, but I could feel the disgust oozing from every pore in her body. I could only imagine it was for me.

“...We have failed you, completely and utterly.”

“Luna- “

“No,” Luna interrupted, her tired dull eyes met mine. “We are just as much at fault for this. The signs were right in front of us but we did not heed them.”

“What signs?”

“During your stay at Ponyville General, the reports documented two separate cases of magic surges. The staff was… hesitant to label it as such, especially considering that surges are unheard of in foals your age.” Luna’s shoulders sagged slightly more with each word. 

“We were made aware of these anomalies, but we did not act upon them, ” Luna closed her eyes. “It was inevitable that you would surge again… this folly was of our own making.”

“Luna, please don’t blame yourself,” I pleaded. “I was being inherently dishonest from the beginning, if even just by omission. I could have- no, should have come clean with you… but I took advantage of your trust instead!”

“Green, you had every right to be afraid,” Luna shook her head. “Thou wert stolen from thy home, reason as thou wish, thou wert in mortal peril.”

Luna gave me a steady look. “Thy survival was the most immediate concern.”

I couldn’t find the right words to say. I knew that I could have been honest with Luna on that first night. I could have avoided all of this had I just trusted her… but I was afraid to trust anyone. Once bitten, twice shy after all. But, perhaps she did have a point? I was at the edge of my wits when I was wandering in the Everfree Forest. Damnit, I need to fix this. Luna is not at fault for this. 

“I could have tried- “

“To tell the truth? And who would have believed you?”

The staff at the hospital certainly didn’t. The elements, bar possibly Twilight, probably wouldn’t. Hell, I never believed any of my previous patients back on earth. 

“The knowledge of alternate realities and the mirrors are a state secret. No good has come from it, and it will remain so.”

“...Was there really nothing I could have done differently?” I muttered dejectedly. My body slumped as I dissolved into the feathery embrace to hide my shame. What have I achieved since I got stuck in this useless, defective body? Murder a defenseless child? Steal the innocence of a few more? Why couldn’t I save her? Why couldn’t I do anything right?

I felt my stomach drop. Would this happen again?

“Ssshhh…” The tip of Luna’s muzzle brushed against my head. And I cried. 





I did not know how much time had passed. An hour? Three? There wasn’t a clock in sight. It didn’t matter. 

Relax, breathe in. I… I can- 

Breathe out.

I can never undo what I’ve done. But... 

“What will happen to me?”

Luna stirred. 

“...The victims of a magic surge, or their families, are compensated by the crown. The foals are not liable for any damages inflicted due to the nature of said magics and the age. For you, however, considering your age and the high chance that the Rich Family will most likely hire the best legal attorney money can buy… at best you would face a suspended sentence.” 

Luna paused. Her eyes refused to meet mine.

“You may be sent to a treatment facility, Manehatten Correctional and Rehabilitation would be my first guess. You would be cared for and perhaps even learn to structure your magics.”

“I’m not going to be thrown into the dungeons?” I replied incredulously. 

“Do not joke about such matters.” I shivered under Luna’s scrutinizing gaze. “You will not enjoy your stay at the correctional facility, mark my words. Our prisons are meant for healing rather than punishment, but you will not be released until they deem you safe to rejoin society.” 

Images flashed before my eyes.
 
“No,” I replied. “What was it again?”

“I was asking how many days there are in a year.”

“Three hundred and sixty-five.” I answered.

“Not quite. Anypony else?” The teacher asked. “Yes, Diamond Tiara.”

“There are a thousand.” Her stuck up voice put my teeth on edge. “Even foals know that!”

The skin under my coat crawled. 

“Now you understand the predicament you face.”

“Is there nothing I can do? I- ”

I want to die. I can’t- I won’t go! I have to get out!

“Luna, there must be something you can do! I- I can’t-” I choked back a sob that bubbled from the bottom of my throat. “I don’t want to be locked away!”

But I deserve it. 

“...You can become my ward.”

Of course. 

This was the logical choice. I would learn to control my magic and maybe even become used to this body someday. I had no ill will towards Luna, and I am sure she would be an excellent teacher… so why was I hesitating? I can’t go home even if I wanted to, and besides-

I burnt any bridge I was trying to build in Ponyville, anyway, so why should I stay? Being in Ponyville has brought me nothing but pain and now this...this would be a brand new start.

“I- ”  I felt numb. 

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” I said softly. “I accept.”
 
> Honesty
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up early again. As annoying as it was to have a bedtime, it seemed to leave me feeling more refreshed in the morning. A shocking development, I know. I was still apprehensive about getting out of bed, but this time I had a clear objective; my books. I could reach my book bags from the bed, but to switch on the lights I’d have to get out of bed and walk across the room. I had to tell myself that Applejack wasn’t a light sleeper, and, hopefully, my being an early riser wouldn’t make her think anything was wrong.

This would be so much easier if I had a reading light next to my bed. I was worried that if I asked for one then Applejack would think I was staying up all night reading, and then she might take my books.

Maybe I could ask for one as a nightlight - so I didn’t have to walk across the room in the dark?

No, no, Applejack could tell when I was lying. I wasn’t afraid of the dark.

The hardwood floor was cold on the bottoms of my hooves - why did they have to have a layer of skin on the bottom? My broken foreleg ached a little but it was getting better. I hesitated before pressing the lightswitch.

Please don’t wake anyone up.

Click.

The room was filled with an unmistakably incandescent glow - ponies didn’t have LED lights yet, it seemed. It was nostalgic.

Resisting the urge to run quickly back to the warmth of my bed, I walked slowly to keep noise to a minimum.

Overnight, the connection I’d been distracted from had crystalised. Magical Exhaustion. That was what must have happened to me at school - but if that was the case, why didn’t Applejack take me to the hospital? Was this a unicorn thing that Applejack didn’t know about so she wasn’t taking it seriously? That would be an awkward conversation. And how did I manage to get into a state of Magical Exhaustion without even trying to cast magic?

I checked the index of the magic textbook, but the only reference to magical exhaustion was in the section I’d already read. Nopony had told me much about the condition I had, I guess they didn’t want to scare me - that they felt the need to do that worried me greatly.  

Was I going to end up like Bruce Banner? Forced to keep my emotions under control at all times to avoid ‘blowing up’? I... wasn’t very good at that, as much as I’d like to be.

I looked up Magical Exhaustion in the medical dictionary, but there was only a short definition.

Magic Exhaustion:
Magic Exhaustion is a condition where a pony’s mana pool is drained below the level necessary for their body to maintain vital functions. Magical Exhaustion is often confused with Magical Fatigue but the terms are not interchangeable. [Magical Fatigue see page 211]

There were many pages of medical definitions beginning with ‘Magical’, but even so ‘Magical Fatigue’ was on the very next page.

Magical Fatigue:
Magical Fatigue describes the symptoms associated with excessive magic use. Symptoms include headache, nausea, drowsiness and lethargy. Magical Fatigue is often confused with Magical Exhaustion, but the terms are not interchangeable. [Magical Exhaustion see page 209]

Maybe I didn’t have Magical Exhaustion then? I should have asked for a diagnostic and treatment manual. This would be so much easier with the internet. What was the other thing I heard them say? Oh yeah, magic surge.

Magic Surge:
Magic surge describes the involuntary outbursts of unstructured magic observed in unicorn foals. Magic surges are a normal and temporary part of a foal’s development and are very rare in foals beyond 18 months.

Well, that explained why everypony was so surprised, all my classmates probably saw me as even more of a baby now.

Next I pulled out the first aid manual. It was a spiral bound booklet rather than a full book, which made sense; a first aid manual would be something you updated frequently.

It was laid out in a familiar way too. The first page described an acronym which would be expanded upon in subsequent pages. It was a different acronym, but it shouldn’t be too hard to remember.

That reminded me that I still had to review my notes from last night to check my recall. 

I hadn’t even thought about it when I packed the books away, but I’d put the sheets of paper inside one of the books. When I flipped the cover open, the pages were still there. So it wasn’t just books that were affected by the bag’s magic, but things placed inside the books too. Although so far I had only tried things made of paper.

Now that the idea was in my head I couldn’t focus on revising my anatomy notes. There was magic to be investigated.

After a few minutes I had a fairly good idea of what would work. A pencil? Yes. A hairbrush? Yes, even though the book wasn’t closed all the way. My pillow? No, presumably because it extended beyond the edges of the book.

I turned back to my notes, and despite my sloppy writing and cryptic notation style I found that I still remembered most of it. I had to refer back to the book for a few things, mostly figures or names of things.

“Mornin’ Sweetpea.”

I jumped slightly and my movement on the mattress was enough to dislodge Graymane’s Anatomy from where it was propped in front of me and, of course, it fell straight on my head.

“I’m okay.” I grumbled from underneath the book.

“Ya weren’t up all night reading were ya?”

“No.”

“It’s all right darlin’ Ah’m not tryin’ ta catch you out. Ah’m just glad to know there’s something that makes ya happy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Fer what?”

“For making you worry about me.”

“Don’t say that darlin’, it’s mah job ta worry about you. Ain’t no sense in two ponies tryin’ ta do a one pony job.”

I pouted.

“That doesn’t even make sense. I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you worrying about me.” 

“Don’t go usin’ yer fancy book learnin’ ta muddy tha’ issue. Ah’ll do the worrying and y’all’ll do the... whatever it is that fillies are supposed ta do.”

“Have you forgotten how to be a filly?” I asked playfully.

“Ah’m not that old!” Said Applejack. “Ah just... Ah had a lot of responsibilities when Ah was yer age.”

Her tone in the last part of the sentence put a lump in my throat. Her parents. Of course she wouldn’t have had a normal childhood. Damnit. Why did I have to say that?

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked gently.

“What?”

“It must have been difficult,” I explained, “Having so much responsibility forced on you at a young age.”

“It weren’t that bad,” said Applejack, “Us Apple’s stick together. After mah folk’s passed it was hard fer a while, but we managed.”

“Do you regret not being able to do all the things other fillies your age were doing?” 

“It weren’t as bleak as all that,” Said Applejack, “Working on the farm is what Ah was meant ta do after all.”

She looked back fondly to the mark of three apples on her flank.

“Oh, ok.” I said,  cutiemark magic was something I wasn’t really equipt to discuss.

Applejack saw the serious look on my face.

“Green, do you want ta talk?” Asked Applejack. “About... before ya came here.”

“I-” It hurt to swallow, “No.”

I’m tricking everyone. I don’t deserve this.

“I’m sorry.” I said.

“Fer what?”

“For-” I hesitated, “For not being honest.”

Applejack tilted her head.

“‘Bout what?”

“I don’t know.”

Applejack remained silent and waited for me to continue. I broke eye contact and just tried to keep talking.

“I told everypony I don’t remember what happened, but I do. Or at least I think I do.”

I tried not to focus on what I was saying, what I was risking by telling her this. I felt cold and numb, and like I needed to go to the bathroom.

“I’m afraid that if I tell ponies they’ll think that I’m crazy. And I’m even more afraid that I might actually be crazy.”

Applejack took a step towards me.

“Ah reckon if ya really were crazy ya wouldn’t be worried about it.”

“That's not how that works.”

“Ya seem pretty sure about that.”

I flinched.

“Darlin’ it’s not goin’ ta get any better if ya don’t tell anypony.”

“Before I came here, in my past life, I don’t know exactly how it works,” I said, “Before all that, I was a nurse.”

Shut up, shut up, shut up! You’re going to ruin everything! You can’t take this back.

“At yer age?”

“I was older, well I guess not chronologically older, but I was considered an adult in that society.”

“At the hospital, you said yer parents weren’t ponies. Yer really sure about this aren’t ya.”

There it was; the doubt. She didn't believe me, and I already knew Applejack couldn’t keep a secret. Now everypony would know I was nuts.

I’d gone too far to pull back now. I took a breath.

“What if none of this is real?” I questioned. “If I pull on this thread, everything could unravel. I’ve lost everything, can’t I just pretend this is real?”

“Pretend what’s real?”

“You, Applebloom, Equestria, magic. I want to pretend that I deserve everything you’ve done for me. I want to keep pretending that I really am that lost little filly you found in the Everfree, but... It hurts.”

“Yer not a filly?”

“I am a filly now.” I said. “I can’t deny that but - ugh. I don’t know.”

“So ya weren’t lost?”

“I mean, yeah, I was lost.”

“Yer a lost little filly that needed help. Ya do deserve help, Green, and no secret ya were hidin’ could change that. Don’t ya feel better now that ya’ve let it out?”

“No, I don’t.” I said. “I’ve been lying to everypony to get them to help me. I let everypony think something really terrible had happened to me, but it hasn’t.”

“So how did ya end up lost in the Everfree with a broken leg?”

“I don’t know.”

I expected her to pounce on the logical inconsistency but, of course, she could tell that I was telling the truth.

“Ta me that sounds like something real terrible.”

“You all think someone was trying to rape me.” 

My eyes were screwed shut as I cringed at what I’d just said. I didn’t hear what Applejack said next. I heard the noises, but my brain wasn’t processing them into words. I felt her climb up onto the bed next to me and start to brush my mane with her hoof.

“Stop!”

Applejack’s hoof recoiled.

“You’re supposed to hate me! I lied about everything, I’m not a r- a victim, I’m not a real filly,” I sobbed, “I don’t even like apples!”

“Wha’da’ya mean ya don’ like apples?”

I facehoofed. Of course Applejack would pick out that one.

“Green!” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Fer what?”

“For...” I hesitated a moment, “For hitting myself?”

“Yer apologisin’ ta me,” Applejack said slowly, “Fer hurtin’ yerself.”

“I don’t want you to worry about me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to care about me. It doesn’t end well.”

“Well then Ah guess you’ll just have ta stop being so adorable.”

That was so off script it threw me for a loop. She was not supposed to say that. 

“I’m being serious.”

“A mite too serious ah reckon.” She tousled my mane. “Y’all need ta relax ‘fore you give yerself an ulcer.”

She definitely wasn’t supposed to tell me to relax. You do not tell someone who’s panicking to just relax!

As ill advised as that theoretically was, taking a step back to mentally critique Applejack’s bedside manner gave me enough emotional distance to get my emotions back under control.

“So, uh, what’s for breakfast?”

Applejack sighed.

“Why don’t ya like apples?”

“I dunno, I just don’t.” I said. “Never have.”
> Far From the Tree
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well, we were going to have apples for breakfast,” said Applejack

“That’s fine,” I said

“But ya told me ya don’t like apples.”

“I mean, yeah,” I said, “but it’s not like they’re poisonous.”

Applejack sighed. “Sweetpea, Ah want ya ta enjoy yer food, not just choke it down to spare ma feelings.”

“To be honest, I really wish I hadn’t told you.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”

“Because now you’re going to have to make different food or know that I don’t like the food and both of those are going to be... bad?”

“Ah don’t mind at all.”

“Yes you do.”

“Would Ah lie?” Applejack questioned.

“I mean, sure it doesn’t bother you now, when you’re thinking about it in the future,” I replied. “The resentment will come later, when you have to make me special food just because I don’t like apples. Which is something you can’t even understand. You’ll probably convince yourself that I’m just saying that to be difficult, but you won’t want to tell me because you’re not sure and then you’ll feel guilty for about thinking bad things about me -”

“Green,” said Applejack. “That’s not going to happen.”

“Why not?”

“Because if Ah had doubts that you were being honest, Ah would tell ya and we would talk about it,” said Applejack. “Ah’m the honest one, remember?”

I felt kinda silly. I was assuming Applejack was going to react to the situation in the same way I would.

“Ok.”

“Now, what do ya want for breakfast?”

Don’t say bacon. Don’t say bacon. Don’t say bacon.

“Uh, can you do eggs on toast?”

“Sure can.”

“Thanks.”

I tried to sound happy, but I couldn’t. As much as Applejack said she didn’t mind, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it. I was still giving her extra work by being difficult for no good reason. It wasn’t like she didn’t have enough work already.

With my poor hoof grip and my lack of magic, I couldn’t even help her with the farm work.

“What’s wrong?”

She just had to be so damn perceptive, didn’t she? Or maybe I was just easy to read. I couldn’t tell her I felt useless. Then she would feel bad that I felt useless and there would be nothing she could do about it anyway.

“I’m fine.”

“If ya say so.”

After the third time I’d refused Applebloom offering me an apple based food to have with my breakfast, Applejack gave me a nudge.

“Honesty, remember Sweetpea?”

“I, err-” I grabbed at my glass of water, intending to stall by taking a drink, and only succeeded in tipping it over.

Fortunately, it had been mostly empty.

Dammit, now she’s going to think I did that on purpose as a distraction!

“Idon’tlikeapples.” I blurted out.

Apparently, Big Mac was as quiet in his movements as he was in his speech. Somehow, in the moment I’d had my eyes screwed shut, he’d managed to grab a tea-towel and walk around next to me to dry the spill. I nodded my thanks to the stallion, and he wordlessly acknowledged with a nod of his own.

“But how can ya not like apples?” Asked Applebloom. “Ya were eatin’ them just fine yesterday.”

“It’s not like they’ll kill me,” I explained, “I just don’t like the taste.”

“But how can ya not like every kind of apple?” Applebloom pressed. “Ya can’t have tried all of them!”

“Aren’t they all kinda similar?” 

As it turned out, I had a lot to learn about apples, and Applebloom was eager to teach. There were over a dozen different varieties currently growing on this farm alone that apparently tasted ‘completely different’. I’d agreed to at least taste each variety at some later date, but only after AJ made sure that I was doing it because I wanted to and not just because Applebloom had pressured me into it.

I couldn’t help but smile. That had gone way better than I’d dared to hope.





I really needed a haircut - manecut? Whatever. My hair was too long and it was a pain to deal with. Having it brushed wasn’t entirely unpleasant, but needing somepony else to do it for me reminded me how useless I was. I just stood there and tried not to think about it, making sure not to move or fuss to avoid causing any additional hassle. 

The brush tugged at my mane. Yesterday it was just uncomfortable, but now I couldn’t get the feeling of wrongness out of my head. I’d felt that being a pony was something abstract, but being aware of my new anatomy made it painfully real.

This is wrong. I’m not a horse. I’m not a little girl.

But I was, wasn’t I?

I slowed my breathing. I let my eyes unfocus.

This is happening to my body, but I don’t have to pay attention to it. All I have to do is stand here and not react.

Something orange waved in front of my vision.

“Ya ‘alright?” 

“I’m fine.” I shuddered involuntarily.

“Do ya not like it when ponies are touching yer mane?”

I sighed.

“It’s not like I have any choice.”

“If somethin’ makes ya uncomfortable, Ah want ya ta tell me,” said Applejack.

“I can’t brush it myself, and it needs to be brushed,” I explained. “If it were up to me, I’d just cut it off, but I doubt anypony will let me.”

“But yer mane is lovely, why would ya want ta cut it all off?”

“Because I just don’t want to deal with it,” I replied. “Look, just forget it, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Green-”

“Look, it’s fine.” I huffed, “I’ll get used to it.”

“Alright.” Applejack looked unsure. “Well Ah take it yer not ready to go back to school yet?”

Why did she have to make it a question?

“I can learn faster without being at school.”

“It’s alright Sweetpea,” Said Applejack. “I was going to have to pick you up from school early today anyway since we have an appointment with Dayglow.”

Damnit.

Applejack was going to tell them about the soap thing.

Okay, so I can’t not tell them; My story won’t be consistent with Applejack’s, and they were definitely going to interview us separately. I needed to figure out how to pre-empt and downplay the situation, but not in a way that made it look like I was coached.

With my eyes closed in concentration, I didn’t see Winona approaching, but I could smell her doggy breath as she attempted to lick my face. I hugged her. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to see her again after today.

As much as I tried to tell myself that I shouldn’t get attached, that I had only been here for a few days, there was a pain in my throat. The idea of losing the small amount of stability that I had in this new life was devastating.

I was being stupid. This body was being stupid. I shouldn’t care about this.

“I’ll be in my room.” I tried to keep my voice even.

“Ah was hopin’ you could help me with some work on the farm again today,” said Applejack.

“Ah’m-” I began before shaking my head, “I’m supposed to be at school, so I should be studying. We both know I won’t be any real help.”

“Well yer’ just learnin’ the ropes,” Countered Applejack, “Ah don’ expect’cha ta an experienced farmhand on yer first week.”

If I’m even here that long.

“Dayglow said this was only a temporary placement,” I explained. “We shouldn’t plan on me being here long enough for that to matter.”

I could see Applejack was a little taken aback at that. Good. If I could put some distance between us maybe the separation wouldn’t hurt her as much.

“Sweetpea...”

“Don’t worry,” I told her, “ I’ll just be in my room reading my books. I’m not going to get into any trouble.”

“Ah think Winona wants to play with ya again’ today.”

I could do without the guilt trip AJ.

“She’s known me for two days, I’m sure she’ll get over it.”

Applejack sighed.

“Are ya gonna be alright with Granny bein’ in charge while Ah’m gone?”

“It’s fine AJ,” I said. “You worry too much.”





There were too many fields of magic. Which was to say too many fields of study, not literal magical fields. That was going to get confusing. I’d need an acronym just to remember the names of all the types of magic. Projection, Negation, Animation, Divination, Alteration, Wards, Dimensionalism, Conjuration, Transformation, Illusionism, Medical Magic, Combat Magic, Mind Magic, Soul Magic, and Dark Magic.

Alright, let’s simplify. Medical Magic, Combat Magic, and Illusionism are fields of study, but not separate types of magic so they can go in a different list; I’ll just have to remember to include them if someone quizzes me.

P N A D A W D C T S M S D.

Ugh. Not enough vowels to make something pronounceable.

Okay, let’s chunk them. Projection and Negation, Alteration and Transformation, Animation and Conjuration, Wards and Dimensionalism, Mind and Soul... And Divination.

Hmm. Put that in with Wards and Dimensionalism.

So. PN, AT, AC, WDD, MS.

Purple Newt, ATAT walker, Armor Class, White Double D’s, Makes Soup.

A Purple Newt with the Armor Class of an ATAT walker and White DD breasts is Making some Soup.

That was a mental image that would be hard to forget.

PN AC AT WDD MS.

Projection Negation Animation Conjuration Alteration Transformation Wards Dimensionalism Divination Mind and Soul.

Also Medical, Illusion, and Combat.

MIC, microphone. So I guess the purple newt is stirring the soup with a microphone.

Those were all the legal forms of magic. The textbook didn’t explain much about dark magic beyond warnings not to look into it. There seemed to be the implication that just seeing the information could do some kind of unspecified harm, a cognitohazard, though they didn’t use that word.

There was a certain thrill to knowing dangerous things that you weren’t supposed to know. In Equestria, I might have to be more careful with that impulse. Of course, without access to the internet, I’d have to ask for books about things I wanted to learn about - asking for books about dark magic seemed like a poor idea. So figuring out whether dark magic was a literal cognitohazard, or just a metaphorical hazard in that someone who knew it would be tempted to use it was a question that I would have to approach carefully.

After skimming through The Modern Mage, I quickly discovered that while there was a section on constructing or deriving spell formulae, it didn’t have the kinds of practical casting instructions I needed to develop my own magical abilities. Because of course it didn’t. Unicorns learned magic while they were in magic kindergarten and the level of this text made it clear it was intended for a unicorn beginning their post-secondary education. Or whatever the equivalent of that was here.

I’d need to find a book about how to instruct foals in developing their magic, a thaumatology book about therapeutic exercises for patients with injuries or disabilities that affect their casting ability, or a book that was intended for actual foals. I sighed.

I reached for my saddlebags and considered how to classify them. The shrinking effect on the books was either dimensionalism, or alteration. Considering the effect was only affecting books, it would have to be altering the books into smaller versions of themselves, right? But if that was the case, why did their weight also decrease? Alteration only rearranged matter, so their mass should be unchanged.

I needed a book on physics now. I’d stupidly assumed that physics was still the same in this world. I really missed the internet. Maybe I could just study in the library, so I wasn’t limited on how many books I could have on hand... on hoof.

I pulled out the first aid book. At least this was something I could commit to memory without needing more books for context.





There was a knock at my door.

“Come in!” I said without really thinking.

Granny Smith entered the room and I immediately considered several reasons why that might be. None of them rose to the top as the most likely. I didn’t know why she was here. Rather than anxious, I just felt resigned.

“How’s it goin’ deary?”

“Good.”

“Did ya want a snack or somethin’?”

“No thanks, I’m good.”

Granny almost left the room, but she sighed and turned to face me again.

“Yer so different ta the other foals Ah’ve raised,” Granny explained, “Ah’m just not sure what ta do with ya.”

“In what way?” I asked.

“When Applejack told me she was bringing a troubled foal into our home Ah thought what ya needed was stability, consistency, and discipline,” Said Granny, “But Ahm not so old Ah can’t admit when Ah make a mistake.”

The memory alone gave me the sensation that there was still residual soap in my mouth. I thought about how to word my response to assuage her guilt.

“It’s fine, really,” I said. “You were treating me like you would your own family, and I couldn’t ask for more than that.”

“That’s what Ah mean!” Said Granny, “Where’s the fight in ya? Where’s the youthful energy? Ah wanted ya ta remember not ta use bad words, not ta scare ya inta’ hidin’ in yer room all day.”

Time to try a bit more honesty I guess. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

“I’m not afraid of you, Granny,” I explained. “I’m afraid that when Applejack tells foal services that you punished me by washing my mouth out with soap, they’ll move me to a different foster home. I think Applejack is becoming too attached and that she won’t cope well with that.”

“They’re not going ta take ya away just for somethin’ like that.”

“Honestly, they probably will,” I felt tears welling in my eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t blame this on you. You didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Please leave the room before I start crying.

“Ya shouldn’t be sorry for things that ain’t yer fault,” Granny sat down on the bed next to me, her joints creaking along with the bed. “Ah’ve lived a great many years and Ah’ve learned a thing or two about regrets. When somethin’ bad happens sometimes there’s a lesson to be learned, an’ sometimes there ain’t. Ah’ve seen tha’ way my granddaughter looks at ya. She’s not goin’ ta give up on you, not ever - so don’t try ta push her away. It won’t make it any easier when the time comes.”

“I don’t know what to do,” I whined. “I don’t want to lose anything else.”

Thoughts of everyone I’d left behind in my old life, the people I’d tried to distance myself from, I couldn’t get them out of my mind. It was pointless to think of them. I couldn’t go back.

“When ya know somethin’ bad is goin’ ta happen,  ya have ta make the most of each moment ya’ve got left. Every moment wasted is another regret,” said Granny, she stared off into space for a moment before sighing, “Ah’m sorry, Ah’ve gone an’ prattled on - Ah was rememberin’ somethin’ else.”

She must be remembering her daughter... no, her son. I couldn’t remember his name but AJ’s mother was Pear Butter so the father must have been her son.

“Now, enough moping around,” said Granny. “Let’s go do somethin’.”

“I’m not moping, I’m studying!” I said in exasperation.

“Alright, but ah expect ta see ya out playin’ with yer friends this afternoon. Bein’ inside all day ain’t healthy for a young filly.”




> I've Been Doing Just Fine!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun was too bright. The colors were too vibrant; the voices too happy.

Why aren’t you happy? Why aren’t you smiling? There must be something wrong with you. You don’t belong here.

Their wordless accusations clawed at me.

I was dreading what would happen when we reached the hospital, but at the same time I just wanted it to be over with. I couldn’t think of any way to control the outcome, I couldn’t refuse to speak with them, and when I did speak with them I’d have to tell the truth to stay consistent with Applejack. 

“Y’all right’ Sweetpea? Yer sighing like a teakettle.”

“I’m fine.”

“Ah know yer worried about meeting with a new pony, but Ah promise they’re here to look out for ya.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” I sighed. “They’re going to make the decisions they think are right for me, and I don’t have a say in it.”

“What decisions?” Applejack asked.

The decision of whether I’m allowed to stay with you!

“I don’t know.” I replied.

“They’re just going to talk with ya ta see how yer doin,.” Explained Applejack, “And maybe help ya with all this anxiety yer havin’ at school.”

I stopped walking, making sure we were still far enough away from the hospital and there weren’t any ponies around to overhear. Applejack turned to face me.

“They’re going to talk to each of us separately. To make sure we’re both telling the same story.” I said, “I know you’re going to tell them about the soap incident, since you’re so damn honest so I’m going to have to tell them about it too.”

“Ah’m just goin’ ta tel them-”

“Stop!” I cut her off. “Don’t tell me what you’re going to tell them. If I know the words you’re going to use then it will look like you coached me. Just for the love of Celestia don’t make it sound as bad as you seemed to think it was.”

“It’s going to be alright Sweetpea.”

There was a painful lump in my throat, and I didn’t think I could answer without my voice cracking.

No it’s not.





“My, you’re one serious little filly.” 

It was a poor attempt to break the ice. Someone could easily take that the wrong way.

Take the initiative. Put them off balance. 

“Don’t condescend to me.” I said flatly.

Breathe in, breathe out. Focus.

“I’m sorry, I think we got off on the wrong hoof,” The Therapist pony said, “I meant no offense.”

Concern, not annoyance. Good. She’ll probably allow me to control the conversation now.

I lay down on the couch opposite her chair, ignoring the pile of soft toys and floor cushions she had set up. The ceiling had drop panels with built in light strips.

I was afraid if I said anything my voice would waver, so I just focused on a point on the ceiling and controlled my breath.

“You don’t want to be here.”

Oh wow, brilliant deduction.

It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t have to answer.

“You go by Green?”

“Yes.” I tried to sound bored.

I wonder if there’s fluorescent tubes behind those diffusion plates. It wasn’t the harsh cool white that fluorescent tubes were notorious for.

“That’s a lovely name.”

Fucks sake just get on with it.

“My name is Morning Light.” She said, “Are you afraid something bad will happen if you talk to me?”

It’s not working. Fuck. She can see right through me.

Keep breathing.

It’s okay. She probably asks that question to everypony... but I winced when she asked it. Fuck.

I sighed audibly; No point trying to hide my breathing anymore. May as well try some of that honesty Applejack was so fond of.

“I don’t think it makes a difference what I say.” I closed my eyes. “Just ask whatever questions you have to ask me so I can leave.”

Applejack thought of me like her own, and she’d have that ripped away. Just because I couldn’t convince this damn therapist that I was okay.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay calm.

“I’m here to listen, and to help you.”

“Sure.”

“Why do you think you’re here?”

“I’m here so you can evaluate if my placement with the Apples is appropriate.”

There was a lump in my throat.

“You’re here so I can make sure you’re okay.”

“Well, I am.” 

“You don’t look like you’re okay.”

“I get that a lot.”

“They tell me you don’t want to go to school, why is that?”

“It gives me anxiety.”

The therapist let the silence drag on waiting for me to elaborate.

If I was in my human body I would have been able to reach up and nudge one of the drop panels in the ceiling to get a peek at the back of the light fixtures. If they were some kind of magical light how were they powered? Could magic travel through wires?

“What is it about school that makes you feel anxious?”

I knew she was asking open ended questions to try and get me to talk more. I decided to just go along with it so I can get out of here faster.

“I don’t like being around so many ponies, especially ponies around my own age.” I explained. “They’re immature and unpredictable.”

“And you’re afraid they may do something to hurt you?”

“Social situations in general are stressful for me.” I said. “If I say or do the wrong thing, I could make someo-pony feel bad, or make a fool of myself, or just... come across in ways I don’t intend to.”

She waited patiently for me to continue.

“It's like, if I’m speaking to one pony, I can listen to what they say, observe their tone and body language, build up a profile for how they tend to think, predict how they may react to anything I say or do.” I continued, “If there’s more than one pony, the complexity increases exponentially, because they all interact with each other, and I can’t see or pay attention to what all of them are doing. I can’t remember who they all are.”

“It sounds like you’ve spent some time reflecting on this.”

I almost thought she was testing me to see if I knew what ‘reflection’ was in this context, but the shift to a less energetic, less ‘adult speaking to a child’ intonation seemed to indicate she was willing to speak to me on a more equal level.

“Self awareness is hard.” I said.

“In what way?”

“Being aware of yourself creates another aspect of yourself to be aware of.” I explained, “When you try to be aware of yourself, your self-awareness becomes another part of you, which you must then become aware of. It’s a feedback loop.”

“I can see how that would be difficult.”

“The other difficulty is cognitive bias.” I said, “If you believe something about yourself then you’ll more easily recall memories that support that belief then ones that contradict it. If you believe you’re kind you’ll remember all the times you were nice and gloss over or excuse the times you were mean. If you’re depressed and believe you’re stupid and useless, you’ll vividly remember all the times you failed and struggle to recall times you succeeded.”

“Do you ever feel like you’re useless and stupid?”

“Well, I am objectively pretty useless, but I try not to think about that too much.”

“What makes you think you’re useless?”

“I can’t help anyo-pony.” I said flatly. “I can’t do magic, can’t hold things properly with my hooves, and I’m too much of an anxious wreck to even support anypony else emotionally. If I could get through a day without - If I could just-”

I blew out a breath and took a moment to collect myself.

“I just wish I could stop making everypony that tries to help me feel bad.” I sighed. “If I could stop making other ponies lives worse-”

“If you helped somepony, you’d feel good about it, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“So if you let somepony else help you, why would it make them feel bad?”

“Because when they try to help me, it will fail and then they’ll feel bad about having failed to help me.”





“Applejack,” Dayglow greeted, “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Thanks for seein’ us on short notice like this.” Said Applejack. “Ah know you wanted to have the review after one week, but I feel like Green really needed to see somepony sooner rather than later.”

“It’s no trouble at all.” Said Dayglow. “So, Green has been a bit of a hooffull?”

“Well... Yes an’ no.” Applejack explained. “It’s been a might stressful lookin’ out fer her, with her anxiety an’ all, but she does whatever she’s told. Seems like all she really wants is ta curl up with a book.”

“What would you say has been the biggest struggle for her in terms of her anxiety?”

“Ah well, definately school Ah’d say.” Said Applejack. “She seems ta be doin’ alright when she’s just around the farm. ‘Specially when she’s got Winona with her.”

“I’m glad she’s found a place where she feels safe.” Said Dayglow, “Now, I understand she had an anxiety attack at school, and then a magic surge?”

“One of the other fillies was bullyin’ her!” Applejack exclaimed, “How can Cheerilee just let that happen?”

“I’ve spoken to Cheerilee about it and unfortunately it seems there wasn’t much more that could have been done at the time.” Said Dayglow, “We’ve decided that we should inform the other students about some of Green’s situation and what behavior is expected from them. When she comes back to school she’s going to be treated differently. It’s not ideal to single her out like this, but I feel in this case it’s going to be necessary, to control rumors if nothing else.”

 “Are ya sure that ain’t somethin’ we should ask Green about first?” Asked Applejack. “Ah don’t think she’d like ponies talkin’ about her behind her back.”

“Hmmm.” Said Dayglow. “Cheerilee will already have told them by now, I guess we’ll just have to break the news to her gently.”

Applejack sighed. “Ah just want ta protect her. She’s gone through so much.”

“So, aside from the incident at school, what else has she been struggling with?”

“Well today she was real anxious about coming here today.”

“Why’s that?”

Applejack sighed.

“There was an incident a couple days ago,” Applejack explained, “Green said a bad word infront’a Granny and well, Granny decided she needed to wash her mouth out with soap. Ah’ve made sure it won’t happen again-”

“Oh dear,” gasped Dayglow, “How did Green respond?”

“She didn’t seem ta mind the soap,” said Applejack, “What she was terrified of is that you’d find out about it and take her away.”

“How’d she get that idea?”

Applejack looked downcast.

“That may have been Mah fault too,” said Applejack, “Ah think she overheard me telling Granny why she couldn’t use any physical punishments with Green. Green wanted to keep it a secret, but Ah told her she should never keep it a secret if somepony hurts her.”

“It’s unfortunate that this happened, but you handled the situation appropriately.” Dayglow praised. “It’s certainly not enough for me to think she’s unsafe in your home.”

“Well that’s a load off mah back,” said Applejack, “Ah hate ta admit she had me starting ta worry.”

“Normally at this point I’d ask about her daily routine, but I’m guessing she hasn’t had time to settle into one yet.” Dayglow saw Applejack nod in confirmation, “So any more concerns in general?”

“I dunno where ta start.”

“Let’s start with the party.” Said Dayglow, “Green didn’t want to attend?”

“She was real anxious about being around so many other ponies,” explained Applejack, “She seemed ta think she had ta pretend to be having fun ta avoid upsetting Pinkie, but Ah told her she didn’t have ta go ta the party if she didn’t want to.”

“How does she know Pinkie?” Asked Dayglow.

“Ah’m not sure,” replied Applejack, “By reputation Ah guess. She was really scared of what might happen if Pinkie thought she didn’t like the party.”

“Well I think you made the right decision there.” Said Dayglow. “I’d hoped that her anxiety was specific to her being in hospital, but it seems like it’s a more general social anxiety. What happened next?”

“Well Ah sent mah little sister and her two friends up to keep Green company, but when Ah came back to check on them Ah found her out in the hallway talking to Rainbow Dash, an’ Green was crying.”

“Rainbow Dash the Wonderbolt?” Asked Dayglow.

Applejack nodded.

“And what was she doing there?”

“That takes a little explaining.” Said Applejack. “See Rainbow thinks of Scootaloo as a little sister-”

“The filly Green kicked in the face?” Dayglow put a fetlock across her muzzle. “Please tell me this isn’t going where I think it’s going.”

“Ah thought that she’d come ta give Green a talkin’ to, and Ah may have overreacted.”

Dayglow’s face became serious. “Was there violence involved?” 

“What?” Applejack exclaimed. “No! No, ah jus’ yelled at her and kicked her out of mah house.”

“That seems like a reasonable response. It’s completely inappropriate for Rainbow to discipline a foal who’s under your care without your knowledge or consent.”

“It turns out Rainbow was only up there to see if they were alright, and Green ran into her.” Applejack explained. “And Green was terrified that it was her fault we were fighting.”

“I see.” Dayglow wrote something on a clipboard. “Well, these things happen sometimes. Were you able to console her?”

“Yeah, Ah gave her a hug an’ answered her worries as best Ah could.”

“Who initiated the hug?”

“Pardon?”

“Did she come to you, or did you go to her?”

“She was hidin’ behind mah foreleg, and she was pressed up against me so Ah figured she wanted a hug.”

Dayglow smiled. “It sounds like she feels safe with you, even if she was scared by the yelling.”





“So, you used to be a nurse?”

I looked the therapist in the eye.

“How could I be a nurse at my age?” I asked.

“In the hospital, you were just pretending?”

“Why don’t we pump you full of Morphine and see what crazy things you start saying?” I deadpanned

“What’s Morphine?”

Did I just fuck up and say a drug that didn’t exist in this world? No. Wait. I read that in my patient notes, so it was the same.

Is she testing me, or does she honestly not know?

“Morphine is a strong painkiller; they gave it to me at the hospital when I broke my foreleg.” I explained, “Turns out it made me go a bit loopy.”

There. Not too detailed, but enough to show I know what I’m talking about.

“Pain killer?”

My anger spiked for a moment. 

Is she really going to quibble about my word choice?

“Analgesic.” I said tersely.

The therapist nodded.

“So you were testing me.”

“Testing you?”

I groaned in frustration.

“Can I leave?”

“We can take a break if you like.”





“Green opened up ta me this morning more than she has before,” said Applejack, “But the things she was saying? Ah think she’s still not quite right in the head.”

“What did she say?”

“She said that she wasn’t a real filly and that she wanted to pretend that Ah was real.” Said Applejack. “She said that she was afraid to tell anypony because they would think she was crazy. That she wasn’t sure if she was crazy or not.”

“That’s...” Said Dayglow. “Hmm. That wasn’t something I was expecting.”

“Is there something wrong with her brain?”

Dayglow thought for a moment.

“The way she talks it’s easy to forget her age, it is normal for a child her age to have an imaginary friend, or a make-believe world they pretend is real,” explained Dayglow, “But this self doubt and anxiety over whether ponies will think she’s crazy is a concern.”

“So what should ah do?”

“Reassure her,” instructed Dayglow, “Don’t worry about trying to poke holes in her story, she knows on some level what’s real and what isn’t.”





I sighed explosively as I stepped out of the room. Morning Light was still standing right behind me, of course, but she already knew how uncomfortable she was making me so it was pointless to try and spare her feelings.

Blood pounded in my ears; my legs felt taught; I could feel the linoleum under my hooves - not much traction. I took a breath, held it, and exhaled slowly.

Running away won’t solve anything, she’ll just catch me.

“Where’s Applejack?” I asked.

“She has a meeting with Dayglow,” Morning replied, “They should be finished about the same time we are.”

When they’re done talking I might never see her again.

I looked down the hall and saw a directory, noting the arrow labeled “Social Worker” pointing to the left. Conveniently, there was also an arrow pointing left directing ponies to the restrooms.

“Where are you going?”

“To the bathroom.” I snarked. “You can stop following me now.”

“That’s fine, I just need to know where you are.” She replied.

“No means no.” I tried to snark, but the last syllable broke.

My head was floating, my legs were jelly, my breaths were sharp.

As I turned the corner I quickly identified Dayglow’s office through my blurry vision and made a beeline for it. Thankfully the door was unlocked, and it opened with a leaver not a knob (I had a lot of trouble gripping those). Morning Light spotted me just as I was opening the door. We made eye contact and she opened her mouth about to say something until she just let out an exasperated sigh.

I pushed the door open and saw Applejack. Started walking towards her. Mechanically sat down next to her. I couldn’t speak, I could hardly breathe or see.

“Y’alright Sweetpea?”

“I-I’m f-” I felt tears running down my muzzle as I looked at the floor. “...no.”

I felt the warmth of Applejack’s body as she wrapped me in a hug. 





Dayglow looked at her colleague in the doorway and raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll give you two a moment.” She said before walking out into the hallway.

“Sorry,” Morning Light apologized, “She got away from me.”

“Difficult session?”

“I don’t think she likes me.”

“Running away crying for their mommy is generally a bad sign, yes.”

“I could do without the sarcasm Glowy.”

“Alright, alright.” Dayglow placated. “Do you think you can help her?”

“Maybe.” Morning replied. “I think Applejack will need to be in the room with us for her to feel comfortable talking to me though, at least for a few sessions.”

“Did you hit on something traumatic?”

“Hardly.” Morning huffed.“The first words out of her mouth were to accuse me of being condescending.”

“And then?”

“Well, she’s obviously had therapy before and she has an excellent memory,” explained Morning, “She rattled off the analysis for how her anxiety functions, and then a bunch of philosophical stuff.”

“Philosophy?”

“I’m not sure how much of it she really understands. Based on the wording it sounds like she’s paraphrasing something she read in a book.” Said Morning. “Cognitively she seems to be pretty firmly in the concrete operational stage. She’s able to think of things from other ponies' perspectives, but when asked  hypothetical questions she’s certain there’s only one answer.”

“So what led to...” Dayglow gestured towards her office. “This.”

“She was becoming increasingly paranoid that I was ‘testing’ her and I suggested we could have a break - she went straight for Applejack.” Morning shrugged. “At least she’s bonding well with her foster mom.”

“Yeah...” Dayglow winced.

“Oh shame!” Morning exclaimed “You’re not planning on separating them are you?”

Dayglow hesitated and glanced around.

“You know how many official requests for information I normally get from Canterlot?” Said Dayglow. “None. In seventeen years it’s never happened. For Green I’ve had ten in less than a week. One of them sent a pegasus messenger to fly the documents back directly.”

“A courier?”

“Not a courier, a messenger, with the crest of a noble house.”

“You’re not saying they would-”

“Of course, I’d never suggest that a noble house would act improperly,” Dayglow grit her teeth. “But they’re sending an inspector, and I think we both know how thorough they’ll be when they assess the Apple’s ability to nurture her magical development.”
> Obligatory Hearth's Warming Chapter
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twas the week 'fore hearthswarming and all through the town,
The ponies were cheerful with nary a frown,
The trees were bedazzled, the stores were well stocked,
And each little pony had mittens (or socks?).

The markets were bustling as ponies sought gifts,
For friends and for family, some had lengthy lists.
The parks were now filled with the squeals of delight
The sleds crashed quite often, (the foals were alright).

But one little filly was not having fun,
For she knew her torment had barely begun.
"Bah Humbug." She said, "This is nothing like Christmas",
"These ponies won't quit with this hearth's warming business."

"They force me to parties and drag me to parks,
I wish they would leave me alone for a lark."
"I've books to be reading and sleep to catch up,
I just want to tell them I don't give a f-

"Hey Green, do ya want some hot cocoa?"


> No Smoking
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

My coat felt hot and prickly and I wanted to push Applejack away, but I didn’t want her to go. Why couldn’t I just hold myself together back there? Why did I allow myself to get so attached to Applejack? I should have known it would just end up causing pain - and I’d probably just made things worse.

“I’m okay.”  I said. “Thank you for taking care of me. I just - I wanted to see you before I had to go. I don’t want to make this difficult. They won’t have to drag me.”

“Nopony is taking you away sweetpea.”

My face burned, my breath caught, and I felt a weight in the pit of my stomach.

“They’re not?”

How could I have misread the situation so completely? I wanted to feel relieved, but I couldn’t. If I was wrong about this then how could I be sure of anything? If my judgment was impaired then how could I protect myself?

I’d made an absolute fool of myself. 

“Yer okay sweetpea,” Applejack comforted, “ What’s wrong? Ya can tell me.”

I cringed. She’d never understand. If she saw me reacting negatively to the news I’d be staying with her... what if I had a panic attack right now? That would -

Honesty, Green, honesty.

“I’m embarrassed,” I explained, “I got really anxious over nothing and everypony saw me crying over something that didn’t even happen. And now I’m feeling... ”

I struggled to find the right words.

“Ya don’t have ta be embarassed about getting scared.” Applejack said, “Everypony gets scared sometimes an’ telling other ponies that yer scared is a brave thing ta do.”

“Yeah, if it’s voluntary.”

Dayglow and Morning Light re-entered the room. I couldn’t look them in the eye.

“Are you feeling better, Green?” Asked Dayglow.

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for,” said Morning Light, “Sometimes strong emotions come up in therapy, but that’s part of the process.”

You call that therapy?

“I said I didn’t want to talk to you, but you kept going.”

“You said you were feeling anxious and you didn’t want to be there.” Morning Light explained. “If you asked me to stop I would-”

“Don’t gaslight me!” I snarled. “I know what I said.”

“I’m so sorry if I made you feel that way.” Said Morning Light. “I really am trying to help you.”

I took a breath and my body gave an involuntary shudder.

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Why’s that?” She asked.

Ugh, just make it end.

“Ah’m thinkin’ she said she don’t want ta talk to ya.” Applejack raised an eyebrow.

I blinked at Applejack.

“Er, right.” The Therapist pony said. “Sorry. I’ll see you two next week, maybe.”

Her ears went down as she exited the room and I immediately felt sorry for her. Damn ponies with their impossible to resist adorableness.

“Alright, well Applejack and I were just discussing how things have been going with your foster placement,” Said Dayglow, “Were there any difficulties or concerns you wanted to talk about while we’re here, Green?”

I thought about it for a moment.
 
“I don’t want to go back to school,” I said, “I can self educate more efficiently than if I was sitting in a classroom, and I really don’t want to be in a classroom full of children.”

“You don’t have to go back to school right now, but I do want to get you back in the classroom eventually.” Dayglow replied. “Princess Luna has granted us sufficient bits to pay for any assistance you may need so our options are quite open.”

“Okay, well how about a one on one tutor then?”

I’d always imagined that if I was rich, that’s the way I’d want to learn.

“That can be arranged, certainly,” Said Dayglow, “But education isn’t the only reason I want you back in school.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” I said dryly. “Make some friends.”

“It’s more than that.” Dayglow replied. “If we let you run away from social interaction forever your anxiety is only going to get worse.”

I didn’t have a good response for that.

“How would you feel about going back to school if you had an adult that you trust who would stay with you the whole time?”

“What, so Applejack is going to come to school with me now?”

“No, this would be a teacher’s assistant, or maybe a carer.”

I’m not that bad!

...Am I?

In one day of school I nearly peed myself, had a panic attack, and got so angry that I fainted.

Oh god, I’m a total basketcase.

I cringed at the things the other students would say about me but, at the same time, at least it would make them less likely to fuck with me; and I’d have another adult to talk to.

“I guess that would be okay.”

“If you’re still up for it, did you want to say hello to the nurses who took care of you while you were here?”

“Errr, Alright,” I nodded, “I just hope I wasn’t too annoying.”

“Oh sweetie, you don’t need to worry about that.” Said Dayglow. “You were a perfect angel, and I think they found your little nurse act quite endearing.”

Well, if a little kid was going around pretending to be a nurse I guess that would be pretty cute.

Wait. If they’re all enthusiastic about this they might have set something up for me, or be expecting me to come and be disappointed if I don’t show up. Well, I have to go now.

I didn’t even get them a card.





Walking through the hospital I felt more at home than I had in a while. Everyone had their own jobs to do; they only glanced up for long enough to see that Dayglow was with us. 

The nurses’ break room was busier than I expected. Even on a larger ward it was rare for more than two or three nurses to be on break at the same time and the room had clearly been sized with that in mind. There was a stack of pizza boxes on the central table as if in apology for staffing issues, but the atmosphere seemed too cheerful for that to be the case.

I didn’t recognise any of the nurses in the room by name, but they looked familiar - especially the pink pegasus - and the pink unicorn. There was a lot of pink.

The unicorn was one of the trainees that looked after me - Melanie? No, that wasn’t a pony name. Her cutie mark was a pair of musical notes - Melody? Ugh. Better to just say nothing than to get it wrong. I couldn’t read her badge from this angle. And I didn’t want her to see me staring at her badge because then she’d know I’d forgotten her name.

The nurses greeted me fondly, but I wasn’t sure how much of that was because they liked me rather than just being friendly to the poor little orphan filly. It felt genuine. I felt safe. They all knew me, and as a nurse I felt I could understand them too; We had a shared experience. If they weren’t all so much taller I could almost convince myself that we were colleagues.

Applejack noticed my apprehension at the height difference and helped me up onto a chair one of the nurses had vacated when they saw us walk in.

My mouth began to water as I was hit with the greasy, doughy scent of the pizzas in front of me.

“Courtesy of the Princess,” Dayglow explained, “She paid for lunch as thanks for us looking after you. Help yourself.”

“Will there be enough left over?” I asked.

I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’... or is it ‘that pony’?

“What do you mean?”

“For the ponies working the night shift.”

“Oh honey, you don’t really think Princess Luna would let us forget the night shift do you?” Nurse Redheart chimed in.

How Redheart knew her entry cues would forever remain a mystery.

“I guess that would be an easy way to get your dreams haunted.” I pretended to look thoughtful.

“Luna would never use her powers to-” Applejack began to reassure me.

“I mean, there was that one time.” Redheart smirked as she lay a fetlock across my withers. “So we decided that the night shift should have their pizza delivered fresh.”

“Sounds like a sensible precaution.” I nodded sagely.

Dayglow rolled her eyes.

There was no pepperoni pizza of course, but I found a plain cheese pizza and managed to somewhat awkwardly grab a slice with my hoof.

I didn’t quite manage the technique I saw the other ponies use to hold their pizza. Somehow they managed to grab only the crust and have the slice remain rigid. My self-consciousness went up another notch when I realized my hooves were now covered in grease and pizza crumbs so I couldn’t put them down on the floor. The sink the others were using to wash their forehooves before returning to work was too tall for me to reach, and because I’d used both my forehooves I would have had to balance on my hind legs just to walk over to it.

Redheart seemed to read my mind, but in reality she probably just observed my eye movements when she proceeded to pull a small plastic tub with some wet handtowels from under her hat.

“Your hat is magic, right?” I asked, wiping my hooves with the towels. “That’s how you always have the right thing under your hat when you need it?”

Now that I knew ‘bags of holding’ existed in this universe it was the obvious explanation.

Redheart smiled and put a nurse’s hat on my head. “Why don’t you try it?”

She may just be joking, but if I assumed she wasn’t then I hadn’t heard her say any words when she was summoning an item, so it must be thought activated.

I imagined pulling a roll of medical tape from under my hat, then I reached under it and... it was just my own mane. 

“This is just a normal hat, isn’t it.” I groused.

“It looks good on you.” She said, “It’s yours, actually. We figured you’d like to have one.”

On one hoof they were treating me like a child playing dress-up, but on the other, they were accepting me into their group. Tears welled in my eyes as I grasped Redheart in a hug that it seemed actually took her by surprise. I couldn’t put my thoughts into words, but a few tears ran down my muzzle.





I took the opportunity to quiz some of the nurses about their work - trying to work out the similarities and differences between nursing in Equestria and on Earth. More pizza was consumed. Dayglow left after a while, but Applejack stayed. There was a rotating cast of nurses as some had to return to the floor and others took their place. The nurses were suitably impressed when I took the part of translating medical terms so Applejack could understand the conversation. 

“How can ya talk about that stuff while yer eatin’?” Applejack looked a little green around the gills.

“Oh...” I rubbed the back of my head, “I kinda forgot you weren’t used to this sort of thing.”

The nurse I was talking to blinked, as if remembering just now that I wasn’t actually a nurse.

She smiled and patted me on the head.

“I guess she just has a strong stomach.” 

I giggled. “I think Applejack knows from experience that that’s not the case.”

The nurse’s expression shifted to serious “You’ve been throwing up a lot?”

“Nah, nothing like that.” I placated, “It was only once, while I was at the hospital, but throwing up on somepony leaves a lasting first impression.”

“You’d be surprised how many nice ponies I’ve met that way.”

“It is such a glamorous profession we find ourselves in.” I went to mime tossing my non-existent hair pretentiously only to fail by successfully tossing my mane.

A sense of wrongness wormed its way into my brain, but it passed.

“It’s the hat,” she quipped, “Stallions can’t resist a mare in uniform.”





I wore the hat on the way home, but only because it was the easiest way to carry it. It wasn’t like I wanted everypony to know I thought I was a nurse. Or worse, for the other kids at school to make fun of me for playing dress up, or bullying me for wanting to be a nurse.

“T’day went better than expected,” said Applejack, “Wouldn’t ya say?”

“Ugh,” I groaned, “I ate too much pizza.”

To be fair, in this body my eye plates were literally larger than my stomach.

“Sore tummy?”

“I’ll live.”

“Applebloom and her friends will be home from school by now.” Applejack said, “They’ll probably be over in their clubhouse - unless you want to lay down for a spell.”

I sighed. “Nah, I promised Granny I would go out and play this afternoon.”

“Ahm sure she would understand.”

“A promise is a promise.” I replied. “I just hope there isn’t too much running around.”





“Okay crusaders!” I could hear Applebloom from well outside the clubhouse, “Back to the business of earning our cutie marks! Any suggestions?”

That sounded really familiar.

“No, we’ve tried everything!” Scootaloo moaned.

“We’ve run out of ideas.” Said Sweetie Belle.

Wait. I know this scene! They’re about to break into song. To get their cuite marks. I liked the song, even though I couldn’t really stand to watch that episode. For obvious reasons.

“Well Granny said that Green was finally going to come crusading with us today,” Applebloom said, “We should ask her!”

Oh no.
> Raking Leaves
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was only one thing for it.

“You’ve been searching for your cutie marks, for a while now.” I started, “Trying to find out where you fit in.”

There was silence for a moment as they all looked at me.

“Why are you saying it like that?” Asked Sweetie Belle.

“Like what?” I feigned ignorance, though I think they could see my blush.

“Like you’re singing a song.” 

“No reason.” I replied, “I uh, just like singing.”

The CMC formed a huddle and whispered as if I couldn’t hear them, before breaking and turning back to me.

“We’ve already tried getting our cutie marks in singing,” Said Apple Bloom, “But we can still try that if you like. First though, we have to make you an official cutie mark crusader!”

“Sure, why not?” I smiled.

“Nice hat by the way.” Said Applebloom.

I blushed as I realized I was still wearing the nurse hat. Oh well.

After I was sworn in and cape’d Sweetie Belle approached me.

“So how does that song go?” She asked.

“We’ve been searching for our cutie marks, for a while now.” I began.

“Trying to find out where we fit in.” Sweetie Belle joined in.

I felt a surge of almost giddy excitement. A look of sudden realization crossed Scootaloo’s face.

“So many things we’ve tried before, but we’ll keep on trying more.” Scootaloo chimed in.

This was really happening! The energy levels in the room seemed to rise.

“‘Cause the Cutie Mark Crusaders don’t give in.” Apple Bloom 

Accompanying music began to play, as if from nowhere.

“We’ll make our mark!” We sang in unison.

“One day or another.”

“We’ll make our mark!”

“On the day that we discover.”

“The ultimate reward, of our cutie marks!”

Everypony in the room giggled and the air felt warm and happy.

“Green, yer horn!” Applebloom pointed and I noticed my horn was glowing. The entire room was saturated with magic.

Then the fatigue hit me. The room felt suddenly colder as my horn winked out.

“That was amazing!” Sweetie Belle explained. “What kind of spell was that?”

“I... Don’t know.” I said, “I just really wanted it to happen and... I’m gonna lay down now.”

I closed my eyes and fell into a sort of semi-sleep state where my body was limp but I could still hear the crusaders talking. Also I was pretty sure I was drooling.

“Okay, that was weird, right?” Asked Scootaloo.

“I thought it was fun.” Said Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah, but Ah can’t normally sing like that,” said Applebloom, “An’ how did we know the words without Green tellin’ us?”

“She was casting some kind of spell,” said Sweetie, “I could feel it.”

“But Green doesn’t know any magic,” Applebloom countered, “She can’t even control it.”

“It felt different to a normal spell.” Sweetie explained, “The only thing it felt similar to is when Green had that magic surge at school, but this felt... happy.”

“What, so Green can control our brains now?” Asked Scootaloo.

“She wouldn’t do that!” Said Applebloom.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders! Help!” 

My ears perked at the sound of the word ‘help’ and before I knew it I was at the door. I looked over the small earthpony colt and saw no obvious injuries, though he looked frightened and out of breath.

“What’s happened?” I asked.

“I’m running for Student Pony President and I was hoping that-” He kept speaking, but my brain tuned him out.

He was panicking about that? Ugh. I need coffee. I glanced at the other crusaders to see they were handling this before I went back into the club house to lie down. This time I passed out completely.





“Is Green angry with me?” Asked Pipsqueak

“Naw,” Said Applebloom, “She jus gets tired sometimes.”

“She looked annoyed though,” Said Pipsqueak, “When I said I was running for Student Pony President.” 

“Maybe it reminded her of school,” Scootaloo shrugged, “She doesn’t like school.”

With the things Ms. Cheerilee had told the class about Green, Pip felt a pang of sympathy.

“So will you do it?” Asked Pip. “I’m running against Diamond Tiara.”

“We can defeat Diamond and get our cutie marks in campaign managing!” Said Applebloom, “What do ya say crusaders?”

They exchanged knowing glances and drew in breath but then Applebloom suddenly put her hooves over her two friend’s muzzles.

“Quietly!” She insisted, glancing over at the sleeping filly in the corner.

“Cutie Mark Crusader campaign managers!” They all whispered before clopping their hooves together, “Yay!”





“Green.” Someone nudged me and I snapped awake.

“I’m awake.” I said while struggling to orient myself.

Where was- right, the clubhouse. Applebloom. Sunrise? No. Sunset, or at least the beginnings of it. I slumped down a little when I realised there was nothing that required my attention.

“Sorry,” Said Applebloom, “It’s time ta head back fer dinner.”

I yawned and got to my hooves, following Applebloom back to the farmhouse.





I didn’t have to go to school, my minder hadn’t been sorted out yet but I was promised that it would be somepony I knew. After breakfast I went back up to my room to study.

Since crusading was now mandatory I decided to use that to my advantage. The best way to learn something is always to teach somepony else, so I dedicated the morning to memorizing the first aid manual. Running a first aid course for the CMC was a no brainer, they’d be excited to see if they could get first aid cutie marks and they’d learn useful skills.

 I’d never taught a first aid course for children before, but I was looking forward to it. I’d teach a little and then have them run some simulations to keep them entertained. Children liked playing pretend, right? I found myself humming along to the song in my head, man it was catchy.

“Somepony’s in a good mood.” Said Applejack.

“I’m going to teach the Crusaders how to do first aid.” I said.

“Well that sounds mighty responsible of ya Sweetpea,” Applejack ruffled my mane, “I made y’all some lunch if ya don’t mind deliverin’ it?”





I decided to wear the hat again, since it was topical, and my saddle bags because I wasn’t about to carry the book in my teeth. Applejack had given me some sandwiches for the other crusaders. They didn’t shrink in the magic saddlebags, but they still fit just fine. 

Winona had decided to follow me. Applejack had told me not to worry if she did that; Winona could hear Applejack whistle for her from anywhere on the farm. I liked to imagine she was a wolf dog, as large as a man. In reality though, I was just small.

Winona spent some of her time walking next to me, and the rest zipping around to smell different scents, though she always returned to my side eventually. My coordination wasn’t quite up to walking on three legs while I pet her, so I occasionally stopped to do that.

The clubhouse looked a bit ramshackle, but it was clear an adult had ensured that the structural elements were sound. Since we were equine, the ladder from treehouses I was familiar with was instead a ramp. I’d not touched hoof to the ramp before I froze.

“So, do you three just sit around here plotting out different ways to try and get your cutie marks?”

I recognised that voice. My withers prickled and I felt the signs of an impending panic attack.

I have to get away. I have to get out of here before I panic in front of everypony.

My useless, cowardly, traitorous body shook as I took a breath.

Was this supposed to happen? I knew supposedly this was the episode where Diamond Tiara got redeemed, but I’d never had the stomach to watch beyond the first few minutes. This was too soon. Too sudden. People don’t just suddenly make a one eighty like this. She was tricking them!

I couldn’t just leave, I realised, I had everypony’s lunch with me. So I was pacing back and forth behind the club house trying to calm down.

It wasn’t fair damnit. She’d just come here and stolen my friends from me. Wait. I didn’t need friends. This was perfect! The perfect excuse to avoid being forced to hang out with them again. I could just tell Applejack that I was too anxious around Diamond. I’ll just give them the food and then I’ll leave. No need to talk to Diamond, or even look at her. There weren’t enough sandwiches for an extra pony so that’s a great excuse to leave and head back to the house.

Winona watched me pace, taking on a slightly crouched posture. Her tail had stopped wagging. When I walked up the ramp she stayed close by my side. The crusaders’ faces lit up when they saw me, Diamond looked unsure.

That’s right, I thought, I can see right through your little act.

“Hi girls.” I said.

Winona was keeping herself between me and Diamond.

“Don’t worry,” Said Applebloom, “Diamond isn’t going ta be mean to ya. She wants ta turn over a new leaf.”

The silence hung in the air for a moment too long.

“Sure.” I said. “Here, I brought lunch.”

I put the sandwiches on a table and started towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Asked Scootaloo.

I winced at the question.

I thought I could see Diamond’s lip twitching in what could have been a smirk. I didn’t trust myself to speak, but I couldn’t leave without saying anything. My heart thudded in my chest. Diamond continued to stare at me.

I have to get out! I don’t want to be here!

“Look,” said Diamond Tiara, “I-”

Winona snapped her attention to Diamond Tiara, letting out a low warning growl as she started bumping me out of the room with her body.

“I don’t want to be here.” It felt like swallowing glass.

I backed out the door before turning to move more quickly.

“Green, wait!” Said Applebloom.





I felt better once I’d broken into a gallop. Without really thinking about it, my hooves knew what pattern to follow. My heart still pounded, but now it was in time with my hoofbeats, the pain in my throat had eased, the constriction on my brain had lifted. 

They’d all figure out what they needed to without my help. I wasn’t supposed to be here anyway.

Winona panted alongside me and it wasn’t long before I was out of breath, but by then we’d put some distance between us and the clubhouse. I hadn’t run back towards the house, I didn’t want to worry Applejack with this. I felt ashamed, why was I such a baby, why did I always do this? My vision blurred as I struggled not to cry. Stupid body, stupid eyes, stupid me for not having the willpower to overcome it.

Winona whined and forced her snout under my neck forcing me to look up from the ground. I sighed.

“Good dog.” I cooed, petting the excitable dog.





“What was that all about?” Asked Diamond.

“You heard what Miss Cheerilee said,” Said Sweetie Bell,. “Some ponies treated Green really badly and now she gets really scared for no reason sometimes.”

“Ah don’t think this was fer no reason,” Said Applebloom, “Err, no offense Diamond Tiara.”

“I didn’t do anything to her!” Tiara protested.

Appleboom raised an eyebrow.

“Alright fine,” Tiara admitted, “But I did way worse to you three and you’re all fine. How was I supposed to know she was so sensitive?”

“Diamond, you’re not supposed to bully anypony.” Scootaloo rasped. “You didn’t give a feather about how we felt. You even made Sweetie Belle cry.”

“Hey!” Sweetie exclaimed, “You cried too when she kept making fun of you for not being able to fly.”

Scootaloo’s wings buzzed in annoyance as she turned on Sweetie Belle.

“I don’t even know why we’re giving her a second chance. It’s not a second chance anyway, it’s like, the bazillionth chance!” Scootaloo’s face burned red, “It’s not like she *deserves* to have any friends with how she treated everypony!”

“Girls!” Applebloom made herself heard over the argument and the others turned to face her. “We can talk about this later. Right now we should go and find Green to make sure she’s okay.”

“So what am I supposed to do?” Asked Diamond.

“You should probably stay here.” Said Applebloom. “Green might run off if she sees ya again.”





When I heard small hoofbeats coming towards me I assumed it was the Crusaders, and I was a bit annoyed that they couldn’t just leave me alone. Looking up though, I saw that it was Pipsqueak again.

“Hi Green,” said Pipsqueak, “I’m looking for the cutie mark crusaders.”

“Well,” I replied, “I’m a Cutie Mark Crusader, I guess. Anything I can help with?”

“The school board refused my request for new playground equipment!” Pip explained hurriedly. “And I promised to have it fixed in my campaign for student pony president!!”

“Wait, you had the whole election in one day?” I questioned.

Pip nodded.

“Well alright then.” I said. “First off, try not to worry. This isn’t something that needs to be solved today, we have time to sort this out.”

“I checked my piggy bank but I don’t have nearly enough.” Pip said sadly.

“There’s a couple ways to go about this.” I said, “We could try to change their minds, or we could raise funds some other way. What was your justification for why we need new playground equipment?”

“My what?”

“Why do we need new playground equipment?”

“The old playground equipment was broken in Princess Twilight’s fight against Tirek.” Pip explained.

“If the equipment is unsafe that would be a great way to force their hoof,” I said, “If they’re not willing to see reason we could leak the story to the press, or just encourage students to talk to their parents about it - with enough parents on our side we could influence board decisions, or even eventually take over the school board with ponies aligned with our interests.”

Pip nodded, but I wasn’t sure how much he’d actually understood.

“Alternatively we can try to raise the money some other way. We could talk to Princess Twilight about it, since it was damaged in her fight with Tirek there could be some sort of disaster funding we could get from the crown. Or we could hold a bake sale, or some other type of fundraiser - there’s no need for you to fund it personally.” I explained. “As president it’s your job to decide which direction we should pursue, but I’m happy to advise you.”

“Diamond Tiara’s mother Spoiled Rich is head of the school board.” Said Pip. “ I don’t think we’ll be able to change their minds. So I guess maybe we could hold a bake sale?”

My ears perked and I felt a flash of anger, but a smile broke out on my face.

“You know what? Scratch everything I just said. Pip, do you think you can get me the minutes from that school board meeting?” I asked, running my hoof down Winona’s back, “I think I know a princess who would be very interested to know that Spoiled Rich is blocking the funding needed to keep us safe just to spite her daughter’s political rival in a student election.”
> April Fools 2022: Smoldering Doormats
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having managed to evade the crusaders I was wandering by myself through the trees on the edge of the orchard.

To my left came a sudden snapping of tree branches and a shout. The smell of cooked onion and wet dog was intense, then gone. I jumped to the right instinctively and my vision swept to the source of the sound.

It turned out to be a filly, lying on her stomach and rubbing her head, looking disoriented. On a second look, she wasn't a filly. She had a carapace, a horn that looked more like a small branch, and what looked like a lion's mane. Her coat was a light sandy color and her mane was a couple shades lighter than caramel. She opened one of her brilliant forest green eyes and stared at the tree she just fell from. A Kirin.

"Oh you wanna fucking fight you rat bastard? Show yourself and I'll shove your scraggly toothed head so far up your ass you can eat lunch twice!" She shouted in a voice even higher than mine.

The filly grimaced, squeezing her eyes shut and burying her forehead in her hooves. "Son of a bitch, that hurt." She whispered aloud.

"Are you okay?" I blurted out, rushing to her side.

"Oh sure." The filly responded, not opening her eyes. "Just picking a fight with the Lord of Chaos. Maybe some head trauma. Or internal bleeding. Normal Tuesday."

I looked over the kirin filly and didn’t see any obvious injuries.

“Is he still here now?” I asked.

She may be joking about the ‘Lord of Chaos’ bit, but she’s injured so we have more important things to worry about than me looking silly.

“Who?”

“The one that injured you,” I repeated, “Is he still here. Are we in danger?”

“No.” The filly shook her head. “At least I don’t think so.”

"How are you feeling? Pain? Nausea?”

"I'm not concussed, thanks for aski-" The filly finally looked at me. And when she did a spark of familiarity shine in her eyes. The same eyes that turned to pinpricks as she visually raked over my body. "Uh, scratch that, concussed is back on the table."





Kirin weren't shown in the cartoon till season eight, three seasons after the point I was in now, and they were never seen near Ponyville. So what was she doing here? Had she been transported to Equestria in the same way I had? Then again, my journey to Equestria had been much less violent.

The kirin filly was eyeing me like I was some crazy animal that could snap and gobble her up at any moment. I could see her chest moving almost twice as fast as mine. She didn't look scared exactly, but more… well, I'm not sure how I'd put it.

"What's uh… what's your name?" She asked hesitantly. 

"Green." I replied. 

She made some sort of strangled hum. "Uh, hi Green. I'm… Sunny Meadows."

I gave her a quick nod. “You’re a long way from home, Sunny. Did the Lord of Chaos send you here?”

"This question might sound insane," Sunny Meadows elected to ignore my question, her brow furrowing as she took deep breaths, "But have you ever heard of something called 'the internet'?"

My heart leapt in my chest. I hadn’t told anypony about the internet. I was sure that I hadn’t mentioned the word even once. If she was asking that, and seemed to recognize me…

Then again, Discord was involved. This wasn’t necessarily another human.

“Now there’s a word I haven’t heard in a long time.” I answered evenly.

“Oh." She grunted. "And by chance, do you also come from a world of featherless bipeds?"

“There’s a story of an ancient philosopher who presented a plucked chicken and exclaimed ‘behold, a man’.” I chuckled. “You know of Earth then? Are you from there?”

For a moment she didn't respond. She didn't even blink. Then a manic grin broke out on her face.

"Yes! I knew humans were real, and I wasn't crazy! Let me reintroduce myself. My name is Jenny, and I have no idea how I got to Equestria."

“Did you tell anypony about being a human?”

"Yeah, the nurses, my foster family." She shrugged.

“How did that go for you?”

"Oh, well apparently humans have all been dead for thousands of years, so I got some weird looks. I got a lot more crap for being stuck in here with Sunny." Jenny tapped the side of her head. "Do you… also have a headmate?"

That... was a lot to unpack.

“So, this is a Planet of the Apes situation?” I asked, “I haven’t seen evidence of that myself... but then again I haven’t read much history.”

“What did they tell you when you asked about humans?” Asked Jenny... or was it Sunny? "Or are you going straight up anonymous in this bitch?"

“I’m following the Prime Directive.” I explained. “I don’t want to interfere with the natural sequence of events.”

"What is that, a RoboCop reference?" Jenny chuckled. "Ooh! Have you figured out how to do magic yet? Sunny can do some but I have no idea how to make this dumb thing work." Jenny flicked at her horn. "Can't figure out the tail part either."

“Star Trek, actually.” I tried not to sound too disappointed. “I haven’t figured out magic yet, but I’m working on it. Twilight gave me some books.”

“What about your headmate, does she know magic?”

“Did you have ‘headmates’ before you came to Equestria?” I asked.

"Nope, I was just a perfectly sane fresh-faced alcoholic officer in the Army."

“So when you say headmate, what do you mean exactly,” I asked, “Did Discord put multiple humans into that one kirin body?”

"What?" Jenny's ears flattened out and she arched an eyebrow at me.

"No. Sunny is the kirin calf that this body belonged to. Bodies don't just poof into existence outta nowhere." Jenny scoffed. "Nah, from what I understand she already had a case of Dissociative Identity Disorder, er, Multiple Personality Disorder for if you're not in the know, before I showed up, then uh. I popped into existence. After jumping off a train and breaking my foreleg. Fun times."

But that means... No. I can’t think about that right now.

“You need medical attention.” I stated. “Can you walk?”

Jenny rolled her eyes and waved me off with a hoof. "Relax dude, I can patch myself up fine. Didn't study nursing in college for four years to not be able to handle a tiny bump. I'm not concussed, nothing broke, we're good."

“You said you had head trauma and internal bleeding.” I countered, “And you know nothing about this new body.”

"My guy, have you not ever heard of joking?" Jenny straightened up, looking at me with interest. "Uh, girl? New body and all, what were you before you came here?"

Great, she was being non-cooperative. Alright, new tack.

“You were in the army, right?” I asked, “What’s your assessment of our chances if Discord comes back? We need to get back to Ponyville, preferably near one of the elements.”

"My 'assessment-'" Jenny sank to her haunches, making air quotes with her forehooves. "Is that he's just a big asshole who treats life as a dick measuring contest. He's no real threat."

I resisted the urge to groan in frustration.

“So what’s your plan then? Stay out here in the woods? ” Another alternative hit me, “Are you hiding from someone?”

"Did…" Jenny stared at me like I was an idiot. "Did you not see me fall through that tree? Discord's been fucking with me all day and just said this could 'cause some real chaos'." Jenny paused for a moment, before adding "Sunny says hi by the way, and that she likes your mane."

No. No. I couldn’t consider that now. I had to focus on something else.

“Alright, well let’s go back to Ponyville anyway then.” I said. “Assuming you have nothing better to do.”

"Sure." Jenny shrugged, ambling to her hooves. "So you been here long? You said you met Twilight, so you've already been to Canterlot? Was it full of snooty dicks?"

“Haven’t been to Canterlot yet.” I responded.

That assumption didn’t quite mesh unless...

Jenny stopped walking. "Wait… Twilight did take Sunbutt's throne, right?"

“Not yet.” I said. “Try to keep the future knowledge under your hat. We’re somewhere around season five from what I can tell.”

"Motherfu-" Jenny swore before biting her lip. "That slimy motherfucker sent me back into the past! Apparently Twilight took over Celestia's throne like, a year ago where I come from. Hell, I stopped watching in the middle of season three so I didn't even know she was a princess."

I wished I had fingers to pinch the bridge of my nose.

“Great. So now there’s time travel involved.”

All of a sudden Jenny was in my face. "Maybe not. What base do the ponies count in? Decimal?"

“They count in base ten.” I said, “I thought it was a little odd, but apparently the ancient Pegasopilans counted one on each hoof and then one on each of their six primary feathers. In modern times all ponies use that system.”

Jenny blew out slowly and stared at the ground. "Well, with that in mind, I have good news and bad news. Good news is that this isn't necessarily time travel. Bad news is… multiverse theory is a bitch. In my Equestria, ponies count in base four."

“We should keep walking, I want to get back to town before I freak out.”

"Well have you tried not being a little bi-" Jenny caught herself at the last moment. "Sorry. I mean, why? My foster family won't recognize me and I'm gonna stick out like a sore thumb. If Discord dropped me off here he's probably gonna pick me back up. And a random kirin in town will cause the chaos he wanted."

Jenny was quiet as she caught up with me. "Then again, if my time is limited here, I do want to spend it with the only other human I've met. So fuck it, lead away."

“Jenny. I don’t have a headmate.” My throat felt sore. “I don’t know whose body this was, but if what you say is true, I’ve effectively killed them. I - I didn’t tell anyone-”

Jenny cut me off. "Woah there dude, Sunny already had DiD before I came into her life. We're in a fucking cartoon, and you look like that 4chan ponified pony. Besides, even if you do have a headmate, maybe they're just dormant or really shy. It took me a good while to discover Sunny was there and that's only because she had a panic attack." Jenny scratched at her chin. "Or maybe a PTSD episode. She refuses to talk about it."

“This isn’t just a cartoon anymore. These are real people with thoughts and emotions.”

"Or we're both delusional." Jenny chuckled. "You found another human. Lighten up. This is the time for shots and partying, if only we weren't stuck as kids."

“I have to get you out of here and safe.” I said. “Then I can go explain everything and have them erase my consciousness or whatever. I don’t deserve to be here.”

I felt a sudden pull on my tail and was dragged back. I turned around to see Jenny spitting my tail out, her forehooves smoking around the ankles, her eyes pure white, and her eyebrows sporting a blue fire, tinged with purple. "Nuh-uh bitch." She snarled, her voice sounding like she put it through a voice synthesizer to sound more demonic. "You are the only other human I have and probably will see in this stupid cartoon world, and I am not letting you go kill yourself."

“So what, you’re going to stop me?” I yelled. “You’d hurt this child’s body, let them suffer being possessed by me just so you have someone to talk to?”

Jenny let out a wicked smile, the teeth next to her front teeth turned to fangs. "If it comes down to it. I've done worse to Sunny." She let out a long sigh and stared off at the sky, slowly returning back to kirin form. "I mean… I didnt ever hurt her on purpose… Sorry, you're the only thing that's keeping me from the existential crisis I've been fighting back since I got here. And who's to say you can't coexist with your headmate even if you do have one? Who's to say you have one?  I mean, I coexist with Sunny. I'm helping push her out of her shell and past some trauma. How did you get here?"

“It’s not worth it, Jenny.” I tried to keep my voice level. “If the only way we can exist is by possessing the bodies of innocent children... That isn’t what a headmate is. This isn’t right.”

Jenny clicked her tongue. Apparently a thought struck her because she instantly straightened up and got in my face. "Wait! You said Twilight still lives here, right? We can find out if you have another identity in your head! All we need is me, somebody we know has the condition, and a control group! Twilight probably has something that can scan brains, and we can see which one you're closer to! And if you do have other identities, we can go from there."

She seemed to notice how close she'd gotten because after she stopped talking, her cheeks tinted pink and she backpedaled with a sheepish smile. "Sorry, sometimes Sunny's mannerisms and emotions rub off on me."

“Perfect, let’s go.” I turned and walked towards ponyville.

I just had to keep it together for a while longer. Once we were back in Ponyville, we could meet Twilight, and I could be erased. Then it wouldn’t be my problem anymore. One last walk, one last sacrifice, and I could finally rest.

"You don't talk much about yourself, do you?" Jenny chuckled. "You're almost as quiet as Sunny. What do you got going up in that head of yours, Green? And what's your real name?"

“I-” I felt like crying, “I’m not a strong person, Jenny. I just don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“What’s your name?” Asked Jenny seriously.

“Doesn’t matter.” I said. “I’m nobody. Just an echo of someone who used to exist.”

Jenny rolled her eyes. She fixed me with what she must think was a sympathetic smile. "Okay drama queen. Ten minutes and we'll find out you're making a big fit over nothing. Do yourself a favor and save the angst till after we find out, kay?"

“Sure.” I said.

"Alright, echo." Jenny's voice took on a teasing tone as we went back to walking. "Tell me about yourself. What's your job, or are you still in school? Shit, are you even an adult?"

“I was a nurse.” I replied. “Or at least the original me was.”

"Fuck yeah, sister." Jenny gently bumped flanks with me. "I studied nursing. Was gonna be a doc in the Army. Then… I dunno. Got family? A husband? Kids?"

“I had a family.” I said. “Hopefully I’m not actually gone from Earth. They wouldn’t take it well if I just disappeared. How about you?”

"Pretty sure I don't have kids." Jenny joked. At least, I think it was a joke. "Had a girlfriend. Younger brother. That's about it."

Ah, Jenny must have been a man too - a woman would know if she had kids.

"I mean, then again, I've made a lot of drunk mistakes, woke up with a lot of strangers, so hey, who knows? At least if my human body is gone I don't need to worry about having those leeches growing in me. Thank fuckin' god, right?"

And here came the mandatory conversation about romance. Great.

“Never did any of that stuff myself.”

"Asexual or just permavirgin?" Jenny chuckled.

I swear the only good thing about being a child again is that people stopped asking these questions.

“Well, I wasn’t trying if that’s what you’re asking.” I said. “People are scary enough without bringing romantic relationships into it.”

Jenny nodded. "Valid. But sex don't need no romantic relationship. You're a nurse, you can probably get a one night stand pretty easy. Or find another chick if you wanted to munch some carpet. I do know lesbians are annoying hard to find though."

“Heh. I sometimes wish it wasn’t so easy.” I ignored the assumption that I was a woman. If she knew I was a man who hadn’t had sex her sympathy would dry up pretty fast, “Trying to turn someone down without hurting their feelings is a nightmare.”

“Not on you to worry about others feelings. You risk your own happiness for others then you're a doormat." Jenny responded casually.

“I guess I’m a doormat then.”

Looking up and seeing the Castle of Friendship, Jenny commented. "Hey, this Ponyville has that ugly crystal thing too. Who thought this was a good design choice?"

“It grew from a seed of the Tree of Harmony... or something like that.” I explained. “Makes an ugly toyset for sure.”

"The Tree of Harmony?" Jenny scoffed. "What, did they plant the fucking elements in the ground?"

“Not exactly.” I said. “Though it turns out that Elements of Harmony do grow on trees.”

Jenny let out a loud laugh as we reached the doors of the castle. "Good one. Now uh, your universe, you lead the way. I've never been inside."

Walking up the steps had a sense of finality. I just had to do one more thing and I’d finally have done enough. I wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

Jenny bumped against me again. "Hey, doom and gloom, what's something fun we can do after we find out you're worrying about nothing?"

"Once we’re done...” I needed something to encourage her to actually go through with this. Wait, she said she was an alcoholic. “Once we’re done we can go have a drink and laugh about how stupid I was. I know where Applejack keeps the hard cider.”

I couldn't help but imagine looking out at the sunset, having one last drink. That wouldn't be too selfish, right? As a last request?

"Oh you had me at drin-" Jenny stopped talking abruptly, frowning at herself and shaking her head. "God, I would love that more than anything, believe me… but I'm trying to stay sober. For Sunny. I already… did enough damage with my addictions. So please, don't tell me where it is no matter how much I ask. My will is weaker than my alcoholism."

Guilt struck me for trying to use her addiction to manipulate her. At the same time though, it neatly proved my point.

“That’s why we have to do this.” I declared. “We’re too much. Putting all the emotional baggage of an adult into a child’s mind? Even if we tried to help, it would never be enough.”

Jenny was quiet for a moment. "Sunny says she'd rather be with me through the struggles than to see me go. Says she couldn't bear to lose another family member. She also wants to meet you… well I guess she already met you, but to talk to you when this is over."

“She’s frightened.” I said. “I can empathize, but do you really think that hiding and letting someone else take over her life is what’s best for her in the long term?”

"She sure as hell seemed to think so." Jenny gave off a hollow laugh. "But… maybe a better person than me could be what she needs. That's if they can get rid of us anyway. I asked the nurse in my universe and she said they couldn't separate us or get rid of me. I mean, it's not like holding a cross at us and shouting 'the power of Jesus compels you' will do anything to us. Probably."

“They could shoot us with the Elements of Harmony.” I said. “If that doesn’t remove possession then I guess we’re stuck and we’ll have to go back to Discord.”

"Well, guess we're about to find out." Jenny muttered as I made the final turn and led her into the library. Looks like we're here."

Twilight was standing behind the returns desk as she was last time. She smiled when she saw me, but cocked her head to the side when she saw the kirin.

I approached the desk and sat down in front of it.

“Twilight, I haven’t been honest with you.” I said, my heart pounding in my chest. “I don’t have memory loss, I’m not a pony, and this isn’t my body.”

Jenny made her way to my side and sat so she was gently brushed up against me. I could feel a pleasant warmth emanating from her.

“Aha!” Twilight said excitedly. “I knew it! What’s your world like? Did you come through a magic mirror? Who’s your friend here? Is that what you used to look like?”

As I struggled with words, Jenny took over. "Nope. I'm a kirin. Blame Discord."

“This is someone else’s body, Twilight.” I said. “A child’s body, that I displaced the consciousness of.”

"That's what she thinks." Jenny clarified. "Not knows."

“And if I’m right, my ‘friend’ here has done the same thing. But the owner of the body still speaks in her head.”

"Okay, no." Jenny rolled her eyes, acting very improper in front of royalty. "I am an alter. The original identity of this body has been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. The original, Sunny, had it for years prior to me. Green has had none of those experiences and still thinks she killed somebody. And yes, we were both from the same species, which is a different species, prior to-" Jenny waved a forehoof wildly in front of us. "-this."

Oh come on.

“That’s not how DID works." I insisted. "Jenny has specific knowledge of my world which the original would have no way of knowing, which means she’s not an alter, she’s a separate consciousness that’s somehow possessing this body."

Jenny gave off a small smile. "My little foster sister calls me a tapeworm because of that. It's kinda adorable. But I can switch who's fronting with Sunny at any time. And yeah, I do have knowledge of Green's world, but this world has magic out the wazoo, so…" Jenny finished her thoughts with a simple shrug.

I started to feel angry, but realised this must be the belief that Jenny was clinging to, to justify her existence. I couldn't delude myself though. Someone had to set this right.

“Help me, Twilight.” I begged. “I don’t know how to undo this, but I want to do the right thing, so just, get me out of here. I don’t care what happens to me, just help whoever’s body this is.”

"Princess, what miss pity party is trying to ask is one, can you take scans of our head, to see if she has the same condition as me, and two, see if you can find out where she came from?"

Jenny turned to me. "If you don't have a headmate, then it's just you up there. 86'ing  your personality won't do anybody favors, it will just kill you."

“I told someone they could send me to Equestria, make me a mare, but I didn’t know it would steal someponyelse’s body. If that’s what happened, even if there’s no way to bring them back, I don’t deserve to be here.”

“Girls,” Twilight said firmly but gently, “This is a lot, I think we should take this somewhere more private.”

Twilight took the three of us into a teleport and we appeared in what looked like some kind of office with Alicorn sized furniture. Sunny and I looked very small sitting on one of the large couches.

“Alright, I’m going to cast a spell now, to see what’s going on here.” Twilight explained.

Her horn glowed, and then her eyes. She looked over the two of us with a critical gaze.

“Jenny does have two souls in her body - Green has only one.”

“Then... they’re gone?” I asked. “I killed them.”

Twilight shook her head.

“This is your body, Green. If it had belonged to another soul at some point, I would be able to tell. Souls affect the body they’re inhabiting, just as the body influences the soul.”

"What did I tell you, dork?" Jenny playfully swatted my foreleg.

I slumped down on the couch, releasing the breath I didn't even know I was holding.

“Alright then.” I said glumly.

“Come on Green, cheer up.” Jenny smiled. “You’re your own pony! You didn’t kill anyone... You didn’t... want to get erased, did you?”

I didn't respond.

Jenny let out a slow exhale and nodded at the floor. "If it helps, this will be at least as awkward for me as it will for you."

Then with no warning, I found both her forelegs wrapping around my neck, pulling me into her. She placed her neck on my shoulder, and I could feel her heating up. It felt like the last embrace of the sun's warm rays as it dipped below the horizon. 

“I’m so tired. I don’t want to keep feeling like this,” I said, “I was ready, and I finally had a good enough cause to sacrifice myself for, so it wouldn’t be selfish. Now I have to go on.”

"Yeah, you don't have a choice in the matter. You're sticking with me as long as I'm here." Jenny burned a few degrees hotter. "Now you're just gonna have to get used to living in a colorful utopia. Poor you."

A beat passed and Jenny broke the hug. "That was probably too long, wasn't it? I'm not an experienced hugger."

“I’m sorry.” I said. “I shouldn’t have burdened you with that. I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry about me.”

"Too bad. I'm adopting you as my younger sister now. That being said, I do accept apologies in ice creams and fun activities. How about we get out of here before Discord takes me back?"

"Takes you back?" Twilight questioned. "Where?"

"Uh, can we explain tomorrow?" Jenny asked sheepishly. Twilight sighed and nodded.

"So… what now?" I questioned.

Jenny smirked. "It's a magical world, Green ol' buddy, let's go exploring!





After some icecream we found ourselves back in my bedroom at the farm. Jenny (Sunny?) being a Kirin had taken a little explaining, but Applejack was glad I was making friends, even if they were of species she’d never heard of.

“So you just hide out in here all day reading books?” Asked Jenny.

“If nopony forces me to do something else?” I answered, “Yeah.”

“You got transported to a world of magic and ponies, and the most exciting thing you can think of is to stay in an ordinary room by yourself and read about what the world outside is like?”

“There’s a level of excitement that I’m comfortable with,” I explained, “And being the first human to read books written by an alien race about how their world works is the perfect level of excitement for me.”

Jeeny scoffed. "You truly live a life of adventure. Think about anybody else being magic'd into a world of… well, magic. They'd live it up a bit."

“If I’m being honest, it’s been kind of a nightmare.” I replied. “I had some problems with social anxiety back on earth, but being stuck here in this body has made it so much worse.”

Jenny fixed me with a deadpan stare. "You? Anxious. Nooooo, really?"

“Being a child means I can’t get left alone to go out and do anything.” I explained. “So if I want to be alone, this is how it has to be. Plus I just like books. They don’t talk back as much.”

"I think if they talk back at all you should probably be concerned." Jenny winked. "But yeah, you're a kid. Tell Applejack you want to go to therapy and get over crippling anxiety. Or go find an outlet. Go hang out with Fluttershy or something. You like animals?"

Jenny paused, then her eyes lit up.

"I know! You wanna meet Sunny? She's a little younger than you, but already likes you. I doubt she'll put any pressure on you."

“Sure, why not.”

For a moment Jenny was completely still, then for just a second, her head started falling to the side, as though she was falling unconscious. Immediately she picked it up and… changed. She was sitting different, looking at me different, just a complete swap.

"Hi!" Sunny, I assume, greeted me with a giant smile. "So you're a human too? Did you look as weird as Jenny?"

Sunny paused for a second, staring off into the sky, before looking back at me with a sheepish grin. "Jenny says that's mean. Sorry."

“I suppose all humans would look weird to you.” I said. “Just like ponies and Kirin look weird to us. Eyeplates are a little strange to us.”

Sunny arched an eyebrow. "Whadya mean eyeplates? My eyes aren't plated, only my forehead and back. And yeah, ponies look weird. They're all naked looking and stuff. Can't imagine they're ever warm."

“Humans don’t even have fur on most of their body.” I explained. “So they wear clothes pretty much all the time."

"Oh, like that blue thing Noi had!" Sunny exclaimed.

“I’m not sure who Noi is,” I said, “But maybe. Clothes are pieces of cloth which have been sewn together so that they can be worn on the body while you move around.”

"Noi is our sister!" Sunny exclaimed before pausing. "Uh, Jenny wants me to clarify she's our 'foster' sister. And clothes sound annoying."

“I have a foster sister.” I said before thinking about it for a moment. “Actually come to think of it Applebloom is my foster aunt, even though she’s the same age as me. That’s... weird.”

"What? That… what?" 

“Applebloom’s older sister is my foster mom,” I explained, “Which means that her little sister is technically my aunt, even though we’re the same age.”

It hadn’t occured to me how young Applejack really was to be taking this on until now.

"I more meant to ask what's an aunt." Sunny clarified. "I've never heard that before."

“An aunt is one of your parent’s sisters.” I explained, “Your parent’s brothers are called uncles.”

Sunny frowned. "Kirin don't have a word for that. I mean, none of my parents had brothers or sisters but we'd just call them mom or dad if they did. That's not normal?"

“What’s normal depends on context. If that’s how Kirin families work then that’s normal. For humans it’s different."

Sunny stuck a tongue out. "Humans are weird."

“I guess they are.”

"Ugh." Sunny stuck out her tongue as she looked at her ice cream. "How can Jenny like mint? There's nothing grosser. Anyway, how long you been here?"

“A couple weeks now.” I said. “How long has Jenny been with you?”

"About half a moon." Sunny shrugged. "Feels way longer though because of all the dumb stuff."

I was a little concerned about that idea.

“What kind of stuff?”

"Oh, jumping off a train, breaking my leg, fighting a timberwolf, Jenny messing up the other foreleg in a withdrawal-caused… moment of weakness? Yeah. Then getting drunk. Then saving our little sister. Then all the stuff with Discord. But I was dormant for most of that last one." Sunny shrugged, trying to hide a smile. "Normal headmate stuff."

Make that highly concerned.

“Your headmates getting you drunk and self-harming is a regular occurrence?”

Sunny giggled. "Nope! But it was funny, right? Nah, normally my headmates just get me grounded. One of my last ones liked a bit more permanent pranks. Like shaving my sister's tail and calling her an overgrown rat." Sunny froze. "But Orange didn't mean it as an insult! Just a joke!"

“And then they leave you to face the consequences?” I asked. “That doesn’t seem very nice of them.”

"Ah no." Sunny scoffed. "Usually King fronted to take the punishment if I don't wanna. He was the responsible one before Jenny."

Sunny licked her ice cream, making a disgusted face. "But he was kinda a pushover. Like you! Uh, no offense."

Sunny paused. "Jenny says I’m being 'tactless' again."

I was struggling to think about what to say. I was in no way qualified to untangle this mess, but at the same time I felt kinda responsible.

"You're looking all brood-y again." Sunny noted. 

“I’m thinking about what I can say,” I said, “Since I don’t want to be tactless. I’m worried about you, Sunny. Your situation is very complicated.”

Sunny shrugged. "I got plenty of ponies that are trying to help me. A kirin and a human too. Well, I guess two humans now."

“It’s good that you have help.” I reassured. “Can Jenny hear everything we’re saying right now?”

Sunny nodded. "We share the same brain, so yeah. I can also hear all her thoughts. She can't hear mine for some reason though. Only kinda feel my feelings."

"Speaking of which she keeps thinking one pony is a 'milf' but won't tell me what that means. Do you know?" Sunny gestured toward a mare I didn't recognize who had been walking past us.

“It’s a human expression, and a rather crude one at that.” I said. “Have you gone native that quickly Jenny?”

"She says she can appreciate fine art even if she doesn't like the style." Sunny frowned. "What are you two talking about?"

I paused for a moment.

“It means that Jenny thinks that’s the kind of mare she’d like to hug and kiss and write sappy love poems about.” I winked at Jenny.

Sunny responded with a glare. "I know I'm younger than you both, but I know what adult stuff is. I heard plenty about it before Jenny realized I could hear her thoughts. And she's definitely not the romantic type."

Sunny paused again, apparently listening to Jenny. "Apparently she actually is. Just not the poem writing kind. Says her last girlfriend had a talent to get her eyes as wet as her first two fingers. And that you'd get that."

Another pause.

"What are fingers?"

“Humans have paws with separate digits, like a dog or wolf, but we also have something called an opposable thumb, which allows us to grab things between our fingers easily. We call the paws “hands”, and the digits “fingers”.”

"Oh!" Sunny exclaimed. "I know about thumbs! Discord made a joke about them and then stuck his… finger on the side of his hoof in the air. Wow, these hand things look weird. Like part of a spider on the end of your hoof."

I walked over to my book bag and pulled out Graymane’s Anatomy.

“The really interesting thing is that ponies have the same bones in their legs as humans do in their hands, but shaped differently.” I explained. “Here, I’ll show you.”

I flipped to the page describing the bones of the foreleg.

"What language is this?" Sunny cocked her head to the side, peering over my shoulder at the book.

“Nevermind that.” I said, “We’re just here for the pictures. See, this joint here?”

"That the connect-y bit?"

“Yeah,” I said, “That connect-y bit is like a human’s fetlock, and then all of these bones in the rest of the leg are smaller and form the hand and fingers.”

"Ah yes, the femur, tibia, and fibula." Sunny nodded sagely. "I know them well."

“Ah, well ‘Jenny’.” I said, “Actually this is a foreleg, so those are the Radius, Ulna and Humerus.”

Sunny snickered. "Now she's complaining how bones were always her least favorite part to study. 'But I can name every bone in the hand by memory!'"

"Really? You can name all the Carpals?" I smirked.

"'Everything from the-'" Sunny began to recite. "Okay, I am not repeating all of that. You tell her yourself."

Another pause.

"Okay Jenny is gonna front because she says she wants to make you eat your words." Sunny explained. "But uh, in case you two get all up in your human stuff…"

“We will not be discussing anything inappropriate.” I said. “Will we, Jenny?”

I shot her a warning look.

Sunny studied the floor for a second before throwing herself around me. Again, I felt her warm up for a moment before she broke the hug.

"Okay! Nice meeting you! Bye!" Sunny chirped. For a second she leaned forward, then straightened back up.

"Proximal row. Scaphoid, lunate, triquetal, pisiform. Distal row. Trapezium, trapezoid, capitate, hamate. And then the three phalanges. Proximal, middle, distal." Jenny recited. "Get wrecked, scrub."

“Too bad those are all fused in Equines, huh?” I smiled.

"Hey, I said of the hand." Jenny pouted. "Not the foreleg. I wasn't studying to be a vet."

“I just mean that the information is useless now,” I explained, “Since we’re horses.”

"You're a horse. I'm a horse-dragon hybrid." Jenny clarified. "And you not gonna be all 'oh Jenny you're so smart, ugh, I'm so sorry I ever doubted you'?"

Jenny smirked at me, arching a brow.

“Ya got me.” I held up my hooves. “Most people only know carpals, metacarpals, proximal middle and distal phalanges. Anything beyond that is doctor stuff.”

"Well, to be fair I only know because I failed that stupid pop quiz twice. At least my professor let me take extra credit to make up for it." Jenny grumbled, before brightening up and winking. "But looks like we got at least the rest of the day for you to revel in my amazing intelligence and charisma."

“What are the chances, huh?” I asked, “Two humans end up in Equestria and we’re both nurses?”

"Yeah, at least send veterinarians." Jenny chuckled. "Get my stupid cutie mark in treating dragons or something."

“Your cutie mark?” I questioned, “This is Sunny’s body, remember?”

"Well unless you can get a mark for being the sweetest thing alive I guess we're at square one."

“Come to think of it, do Kirin even get cutie marks?” I said, “I know Griffons don’t.”

Jenny put a hoof to her chin. "No idea. Hope not. I think they look dumb. But hell, a month ago kirin only meant a brand of beer to me, so what do I know?"

“I’m sure Sunny could tell you.”

We kept chatting until Applejack came to check on us and see if it was time for Sunny to go home. Fortunately she didn’t insist on speaking to Sunny’s parents or we would have been out of luck.

And so it was that I had my first sleepover in Equestria.

This scene is continued in the other side of this chapter, read it here: [link]
> Greenskeeping
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t long before the CMC actually did find us

“Are ya okay Green?” Asked Applebloom.

“I’m fine.” I said, “Pip here was just telling me something interesting that happened at the school board meeting.”

“They won’t pay for us to get new playground equipment.” Pip explained.

“Don’t say it like that.” I instructed. “The school board, headed by Diamond Tiara’s mother, is refusing to fund repairs on broken and unsafe playground equipment.”

“Aww.”

“But wait, it gets better,” I said, “Spoiled Rich said she wouldn’t listen to a runt like Pip, and that her daughter would make a much better president.”

“This all sounds bad. Why are you smiling?”

“Because Spoiled Rich is blatantly abusing her position, risking children’s safety to stroke her own ego, and she’s too arrogant and stupid to hide it.” I bared my teeth. “And I’m going to bring the wrath of the princesses down on her head.”

I felt my hooves shaking slightly as I paced.

“First I’m going to talk to Applejack, then I’ll write a letter to Luna, then I’ll go talk to Twilight.” I said. “Then I’ll talk to my social worker so foal services are aware of the situation. I’ll follow up with Luna in my dreams. Then tomorrow I’m going to start figuring out communicating with more parents of children in the class -”

“Don’cha think yer taking this a bit far?” Asked Applebloom.

My hooves began to shake more.

“I’m going to destroy her if it’s the last thing I do.” I spat. “She’s a fucking sociopathic monster. Bullying a little colt in front of the whole school board. I can see where Diamond gets it from.”

“Green, yer-”

“She can’t keep getting away with this!” I cut Applebloom off, “I’m going to get every one of those other fucking assholes too, that stood there and let her do this. I’m going to make sure they can never do this to anypony again.”

I was surprised when Applebloom grabbed my shakilly gesturing forehooves.

“Green,” she said softly, “Yer shakin’ like a leaf. Why don’t we go back ta the house?”

I wanted to scream. I wanted to kick Spoiled in her smug face.

I took a deep breath, held it, and then exhaled.

“Ok, let’s go.”

“What should I do?” Asked Pip

“Go back ta the clubhouse and tell the other’s that Ah found Green and she’s okay.”





When I got back to the house I went back up to my room to plan out what I was going to do to take down Spoiled Rich. I’d have to learn more about the situation before I moved against her openly, but discussing it with Applejack and Luna seemed like a good first step. Ideally Luna would fly down from Canterlot and go medieval on the spoiled wannabe noble, but it seemed unlikely that she would be so rash.

I spent my time trying to come up with the letter I would write to her, but I was hampered by my inability to write it down. I’d have to ask Applejack if I could dictate the letter to her. I tried to read some of my books but I couldn’t focus, ideas for how best to explain the situation to Applejack and predictions for how she might respond kept popping into my head.





Dinner was a vegetable lasagna which was a bit too firm to eat with just a fork. Coordinating my hoof grip in both hooves simultaneously to grip the knife and fork was a bit frustrating, but I managed to avoid asking for help with cutting my food.

I waited for the right time to bring up the school board situation, but it never quite seemed to fit. I decided for a more oblique approach.

“I want to write a letter to Princess Luna.” I said.

“Oh?” Asked Applejack, “Do ya want ta thank her for helping find you in the forest?”

“I’ve discovered corruption and malfeasance by a member of the school board and I want to bring it to her attention.” I explained.

“What do ya mean by that?” Asked Applejack.

“Spoiled Rich is withholding funding necessary for our safety for nepotistic purposes and she verbally abused and humiliated a child merely because he won a student election in place of her daughter.” I continued my rehearsed lines.

“Sweetpea,” Applejack began, “Are ya sure about this? How did ya find out?”

“When Pipsqueak asked for funding to repair the playground equipment, which is broken and unsafe, Spoiled Rich berated him and tried to convince him that he would need to pay for it himself.” I said. “I’m not going to tolerate adults bullying children, and I’m not going to allow a pony who would endanger children to stoke their own ego to remain on the school board.”

“Swee-”

“I’m going to find out why the rest of those cowards stood by and did nothing too.” I spoke over Applejack. “Watching this kind of abuse happening right in front of them!”

My fork clattered on my plate as my hoof grip failed. I growled angrily.

After a moment of silence Applejack started speaking again.

“Ah can see why yer so worked up about this, but Ah think yer blowin’ this a mite outta proportion.” Applejack placated. “Ah’ve met with Spoiled Rich before and she’s not some monster. We can just talk ta her and sort things out.”

“So she’s good at pretending to be a decent pony. So is a sociopath.” I ground my teeth. “How would you feel if Applebloom got hurt on that dangerous play equipment just because Spoiled wants her daughter to be class president, huh? Do we have to wait until a child is seriously injured before we do something about this?”

“We mostly just don’t play on that equipment because it’s broken.” Applebloom said.

Damnit Applebloom. Stop undermining my points.

"It’s alright Sweetpea,” said Applejack, “We’ll sort this out. Just sleep on it, okay? Ah’ll talk to Cheerilee tomorrow and get ta the bottom of this.”

“Alright.” Close enough.

“This might not be tha’ best time ta tell ya, but they’ve found a care assistant that will help you at school, so ya should be ready ta go ta school in the morning.”





Since I was going to be writing a letter to a Princess tomorrow I decided it was time to open the royal etiquette book.

The book was either horribly out of date, or there was a side of Celestia’s court we hadn’t seen in the show. There were entire chapters describing the specific courtesies that one level of nobility should show to another level, but the chapter about Celestia accounted for nearly half the total pages.

A Countess is permitted to travel with seventeen retainers outside of her own lands unless it’s for the purposes of attending the court of...

I reached the end of the page, realizing that I couldn’t recall any of it.

A Countess is...

I yawned.

This book really needed an editor. 

Closing  the book without bothering to mark the page, I heaved a sigh. The lightswitch was all the way across the room and I’d have to get out of bed to turn it off. I imagined reaching out with my magic to flip the switch but, like before, nothing happened.  Reluctantly I got out of bed.

Maybe I could ask Applejack for a bedside light. She didn’t seem to be worried about me staying up at night reading. Were lamps expensive here? They didn’t seem to need power outlets. Did they need to be recharged?

I crawled back into bed, pulling up the covers with my teeth. Tomorrow I’d research how lamps worked and...

I was going back to school tomorrow.

I didn’t feel drowsy anymore.





It was dark and I felt queasy, but I decided I wasn’t going to get any more sleep that night. I threw the covers off and rolled out of bed. I wasn’t going to let my anxiety control me. 

“Good morning Granny.” I called as I entered the kitchen.

“Yer up bright and early.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

"Something on yer mind?"

"How much do you know about Spoiled Rich?" I asked.

"Ah didn't take ya fer the gossipin' type deary."

"When I report what she's done it's going to make an enemy of her." I said, "If I can figure out how she's likely to retaliate it will be easier to trap her."

"Ah can’t say I’ve ever liked the mare, hasn’t worked an honest day’s work in her life" said Granny, “But Ah don' think she would hurt a filly.”

"She was willing to use her power to humiliate Pip and verbally abuse him in public." I said. "I have an obvious weak spot since I'm an orphan so she could use her connections to try and ruin my foster placement here; that's what I'm most concerned about, or she might be the type to try and manipulate me personally, or manipulate her daughter into bullying me."

"We do a lot a' business with her family." Granny said. "Yer an Apple now an' ahm sure she knows better than ta go after one of ours."

I technically wasn't an Apple yet, but I appreciated the sentiment.

"She'll act subtly then." I said, "Or as subtle as she can manage. The way she's been acting she’s either very stupid, or she knows nopony can stop her and likes to flaunt it.”

I heard hoofsteps from the stairs and turned to see Applejack enter the kitchen.

“Mornin’ Granny,” said Applejack, “Ya look a mite angry Sweetpea, is everythin’ alright?”

“Spoiled Rich.” I said, “What can you tell me about her.”

“Well, ta be honest she’s a bit stuck up,” Applejack said, “But ah don’t think she’s evil or nothin’”

“Who are her friends?” I probed. “Who will take her side if she’s accused of wrongdoing?”

“Young Green is worried about what Spoiled Rich will do ta her once she tells on her.” Said Granny.

“Ah think ya need ta stop worryin’ yerself over things that haven’t happened yet. '' Said Applejack, “Ya should just let the adults worry about this. Ah’ll be here ta protect ya, no matter what.”

“Nopony else will take this seriously!” I stomped my hoof. “They’ll treat this as a one off incident, they won’t notice the pattern of abuse, they won’t see the psychotic glee she takes in making other ponies feel powerless and miserable, and I’ll be left watching my back waiting for the moment she senses an opportunity to stab me.”

Applejack sighed. Applebloom entered the kitchen giving enough of an excuse to break off the conversation.

 "I’ll talk about it later, not now. I have to go to school this morning and I don’t want to spend all day thinking about this.”





I wore my saddlebags to school, but left the hat at home. It was funny to think those were the only two pieces of clothing I had to choose from.

When we arrived at school, thankfully without a big sister escort, I was surprised to see a familiar face.

“Amy?”

The purple stallion was a little taller and thinner than Cheerilee, but with more defined muscles. Next Big Macintosh he’d look almost emaciated, but few ponies could match Mac’s Clydsdale-like build.

“You know this stallion?” Asked Applebloom

“Yeah,” I said, “He was one of the nurses that looked after me in the hospital.”

He looked around somewhat awkwardly until he spotted me and waved. Was he the minder that Dayglow had promised me? 

“Hey Green,” said Amethyst, “I’m here to help you out at school today so just let me know if you need anything, otherwise I’ll just be watching - but, err I mean not in a weird way.”

I’d been practicing raising one eyebrow and decided now was as good a time as any to try it out.

“Supervising!” Said Amethyst, “I meant supervising, not watching.”

“How will you supervise without watching?” I asked.

I let the question hang for a moment before laughing and rearing up to put a hoof on his shoulder

“Relax Amy,” I said, “I’m joking.”

“I knew that.” Said Amy defensively.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to take care of you.”

“No I mean, you’re training to be a nurse,” I said, “Why are you working as a teacher’s aid?”

“Some ponies don’t realize but there’s actually a lot more jobs nurses do than just working in hospitals.” Amethyst explained. “This type of job will help teach community nursing skills.”

That’s not what a community nurse does-

I almost corrected him before remembering. Different world, different rules.

“Oh, alright then.”

The rest of the crusaders and Pip  approached us and Amy tried to step back to let us speak amongst ourselves but I moved closer to him again.

We’d barely made introductions when we heard Diamond Tiara trying to get everypony’s attention.

“Everypony!” Diamond spoke from the schoolhouse steps. “There’s something you should know about your student pony president!”

The students turned to look at her, some with undisguised looks of contempt. I almost felt sorry for her.

“Pipsqueak promised you all that if you voted for him he would have the playground rebuilt,” Diamond continued, “But he lied! He can’t afford to have a playground rebuilt, he should be impeached! What do you have to say to all the ponies you lied to, student pony president?”

Diamond Tiara was grinning as if she’d made a point.

I nudged Pip. “Remember what we discussed. You’re running a fundraiser.”

Pip looked unsure of himself.

“It’s alright, we’ll come with you and I’ll tell you what to say.”

Having Amethyst next to me made it much less frightening to get up on the steps with Diamond Tiara, although I may have still been hiding behind him a little.

“Who’s this, your nanny?” Said Diamond Tiara.

Amethyst gave her a disapproving look.

“He’s my bodyguard.” I explained. “What, your parents can’t afford a bodyguard?”

The crowd was murmuring now as they waited for Pip to address them. I whispered in his ear.

“My fellow ponies, I promised you a new playground, and we will have a new playground.” Said Pip. “Today I promise that you will also have cake! Diamond doesn’t know this, but we’re planning a bake sale to raise funds for the new playground equipment.”

I spoke into Pip’s ear again.

“There will be games, there will be cake, and we will have our new playground!”

There was cheering and hoof stomping.

Diamond Tiara bumped me as she passed.

“This is not over.” She hissed.





I was glad that Amethyst chose to sit next to me rather than at the back of the classroom as I thought he might. I was able to ask him a couple questions on things I didn’t understand without having to interrupt the class. Having him next to me was enough of a distraction to keep myself from sinking into an anxiety loop over all the other ponies looking at me.

At the end of the class Cheerilee dismissed the class, but Amy and I stayed where we were.

“Sorry I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself before class,” Said Cheerilee, “Amethyst, right? I’m Cheerilee.”

“Amethyst Swirl,” The two ponies shook hooves, “It’s a pleasure.”

“I must say,” said Cheerilee, “Green seems much more comfortable with you here. How are you doing today Green?”

I could hear the high pitched yelling of the foals outside.

“I’m doing fine, I guess.”

“That’s good to hear,” said Cheerilee, “Now let's get outside before the children get into too much trouble.”

 I wanted to stay in the classroom, but Cheerilee insisted that I go outside with the other foals even though Amethyst could have just supervised me inside the classroom.

The mulberry mare turned to Amy.

“Class starts again in thirty minutes,” she instructed, “Make sure Green uses the bathroom, she had a lot of anxiety over that last time she was here.”

My face flushed and my ears burned as they pinned themselves to my skull.

Celestia please kill me now.





“So, what happened last time, were you still having issues with using the bathroom because of your hoof grip?” Amy winced in sympathy, “It’s horrible that they would put you in that situation, I can’t even imagine what I would have done in your horseshoes.”

When it was Amy saying it, for some reason I didn’t feel horrifically embarrassed; even if the mental image he had created made me shudder.

“It wasn’t quite that bad.” Now there’s something I didn’t expect to be saying about my catastrophic first day of school. “I could manage without help, it's just...”

I sighed.

“You know how when you get really anxious you feel like you need to pee?” I asked.

“It’s part of sympathetic nervous system activation.” Amethyst recited, no doubt from one of his nursing textbooks.

“Yeah well, I was feeling really anxious but I didn’t want to interrupt the class, and I knew I could hold it,” I explained, “So I waited until the end of class and ran into the first bathroom I saw.”

I tilted my head towards the colt’s bathroom we were walking past on our way out of the classroom.

It took a moment for Amy to grasp my meaning.

“Oh.” He said, “That must have been embarrassing. If it makes you feel any better I think everypony has made that mistake at least once in their lives.”

“And then I had a panic attack and cried in front of everypony.” I kicked a rock in frustration. “And now Cheerilee thinks I’m not responsible enough to manage my own bladder.”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Said Amy.

It was a stock response, but that was probably out of a desire to not say the wrong thing rather than any insincerity. 

I found a table for us to sit and study at. 

When I pulled ‘The Modern Mage’ out of my saddlebags Amy’s eyes widened in shock.

“Wow,” he said, “Where did you get those bags?”

“They’re so nice.” I said. “Twilight gave them to me.”

“Ah,” said Amethyst, “So those aren’t just merchandise? They actually belonged to the princess?”

I nodded, “They were her saddlebags when she was a filly.”

Amethyst took a closer look at the bags, igniting his horn and holding them in his telekinesis.

“The enchantments on these bags alone are worth more than I make in a month.” Amethyst remarked. “Which makes sense, Princess Twilight went to a school for nobles so her scholarship would have paid for them.”

“Are the books stored using alteration, or dimensionalism?” I asked.

Amethyst smiled.

“It’s a technique called ‘lossless alteration’,” said Amy, “It changes an object into another form but without losing any of the information required to restore the object to its original form. It sounds simple, but the spell matrix required to achieve it is incredibly complicated and difficult to craft.”

“Where does the mass go?”

“What do you mean?”

“When an object is changed into a new form using alteration, does the new form have the same mass as the original object?”

“Of course not.” Said Amy. “If you turned an apple into a rock it would get much heavier.”

And just like that, everything I thought I knew about physics was called into question.

I spent the rest of recess grilling Amy for all the information he knew about magic and physics. When the bell rang the other students all reluctantly started their way back towards the classroom.

“Ahh shoot.” Said Amethyst. “I got so caught up with talking I forgot to take you to the bathroom.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Amy, I’m fine.” I assured him. “I’m not a toddler.”

“I still have a job to do.” Amy explained. “Just go now and I’ll escort you back to class.”

“I’ll go after school.”

I saw a flash of frustration from Amethyst and I froze, but it only lasted a moment.

He hates me. I thought we were becoming friends, but he’s only putting up with me because it’s his job and I was asking so many annoying questions and he must secretly dislike that I call him Amy and Luna probably forced him to be here and he must resent me because he should be in the hospital learning to be a nurse instead of being stuck here with me and-

Breathe in, breathe out.

And he must think I’m -

Breathe in, breathe out.

Why am I like this? Why do I screw up everything?

Breathe in;

“Are you alright?” Asked Amethyst.

“I’m sorry for asking so many annoying questions!” I cringed as I said it.

Amethyst gave me a look of genuine confusion.

“What?” He asked, “Naw, I love talking about magic. I almost went into that field before I figured out what my cutie mark was telling me.”

His cutie mark was a swirl of magic around a baton, but if you already had medicine on your mind it did sort of resemble a Staff of Hermes, or maybe a Rod of Asclepius considering the wings were absent.

“Anyway, to be honest I actually need the bathroom myself,” Amethyst said, “I can’t let you go back to class on your own though, so how about you duck into the little filly’s room and I’ll meet you back here in five minutes? I’d be so grateful if you’d do this for me.”

I was almost certain that this was a manipulation to get me to go along with what he wanted me to do without causing a fuss. An unnecessary manipulation, since at that point I’d have done just about anything to sate my anxiety that he thought I was annoying.

And I felt like I needed the bathroom now anyway.

Stupid anxious body.

“Sure,” I said, “No worries.”





The second class passed much like the first and before I knew it the school day was over. I said goodbye to Amy and left school immediately to avoid having to see my friends hanging out with Diamond Tiara. If they were going to somehow reform her I hoped they’d do it quickly.





When I got home Applejack was waiting for me. She’d made a pot of tea and there was a blanket on the couch.

She sent Applebloom off to help Granny with preparing lunch, but she asked me to stay.  I couldn’t help but notice the box of tea had three butterflies on it.

“Sweetpea, can we talk?” Asked Applejack. “About that conversation we were having this morning?”

The hair on the back of my neck was raised, and thanks to my coat of fur I was pretty sure Applejack could see it.

“About Spoiled Rich?” I asked. “Has she done something already?”

“Why would ya think that?”

“I’ve dealt with her type before,” I said, “They’re a malignant tumor. There can be no half measures. She must be stripped of all her power to hurt others, and cut off from anypony that would enable her.”

“Green,” Said Applejack, “Ya haven’t met Spoiled yet, ya can’t possibly know that about her. But Ah’m betting she reminds ya of somepony else.”

My breath ran hot.

“S-so?” I felt tears welling in my traitorous eyes. “I told you, I know how her type works! Of course I’ve seen it before!”

“What did they do?” Asked Applejack.

Nothing! Say nothing!

“No-” I stammered.

Say you don’t remember!

“I don’t-”

No! Don’t say that she’ll know you’re lying! 

“It doesn’t matter.” I grit my teeth.

“Sweetpea, it matters.” Applejack said. “They hurt ya, and yer still hurtin’.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Applejack sighed.

During the conversation I’d migrated my way closer to Applejack sitting next to her on the couch to avoid making eye contact. She put a fetlock across my withers. She was warm.

“Ah won’t force ya, but Ah really think ya should talk to somepony about what happened.” Said Applejack, “It don’t have ta be me, ya can see a therapist, a different one from last time. Jus’ don’t try ta carry this all by yerself.”

Applejack could feel me shivering. I’d overplayed my hand. She wasn’t going to let this go. 

“It wasn’t just one person.” My throat was sore. “It seemed like wherever I went, there was always someone new.”

I swallowed painfully. Applejack had pulled the blanket up over my shoulders.

“I didn’t understand why it kept happening to me, how I could always be so unlucky.” I gazed into the teacup Applejack had poured for me. “It wasn’t luck though. More of a sick joke. The behaviors I developed to cope with the abuse isolated me and perpetuated the cycle of abuse in every new place I went.”

“What do ya mean?”

“I didn’t trust anyone; which left me socially isolated, I over-reacted to small things; which signaled that I was a good target, and I was a sarcastic know-it-all to protect my fragile ego.”

“What did they do ta you?”

I closed my eyes and took a breath.

“They lied about me to get me in trouble. They stole my things and hid them, or broke them and lied about that too; told me that I was crazy. They threatened me, to make me do things, and then laughed at me for doing them. They hit me, sometimes, pushed me down and told people I tripped, told me that I was worthless, that nobody liked me, that I should kill myself because everyone hated me.”

“It wasn’t yer fault.”

“And yet, it was always me.” I said. “I know who’s fault it was, and I know that if they weren’t doing this to me, they would be doing this to somepony else.”

“Children can be so cruel.”

“It wasn’t just children.”  I said.

“Why didn’t you tell somepony?”

“I tried that. It only made things worse.” I said. “They’d believe them over me, or they wouldn’t take it seriously, and even if they did take it seriously they’d be powerless to help. Then I faced retaliation from everyone.”

“So when yer talking about Spoiled Rich -”

“Spoiled Rich is a bully. And she’s groomed her daughter into being just like her.” I put my teacup down since my hooves were shaking. “You don’t engage with someone like that on their terms. They’re stronger, they have better social connections, they have more power; even if you win one fight they’ll just beat you twice as badly next time. If you fight them you have to destroy them so completely that you win not just that fight, but every fight in the future too.”
> Cruelty
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Applejack was left reeling. She had expected crying, or freezing up, or running away; what she didn’t expect was a lecture on bullies from a filly half her age. Either the girl was incredibly quick witted, or she’d had this conversation before, multiple times. How many ponies had she poured her heart out to only to be shut down and ignored? 

The calming tea Fluttershy had given her didn’t seem to be working, Green had given up holding her cup when she’d begun shaking with rage.

“What happened ta ya was wrong,” Applejack consoled, “But that don’t mean ya should rush to judge new ponies. Ah’m not sayin’ ya have ta trust Spoiled, but we should at least give her a chance ta explain herself. Sometimes all it takes fer a pony ta change is ta be told how much their behavior has hurt somepony else.”


Green groaned in frustration.

“She already knows.” The filly insisted. “That’s why she did it. Bullies aren’t like other ponies, they feel the need to exert power over others to prove their self-worth. They enjoy it, it makes them feel good for a while, but no matter how much power they gain, no matter how many ponies they hurt, they will never be satisfied.”

“It sounds like those ponies aren’t very happy.”

“Being unhappy is no excuse for hurting other ponies.” She said, “If I hurt somepony, even by accident, I would feel terrible. Any decent pony would. A selfish pony might not care about others feelings, but bullies are worse. When they hurt somepony they feel good.”

Dayglow had told Applejack that fillies Green’s age might have trouble understanding that ponies could have more than one motivation for their actions.

“Can’t ya think of any other reason why a pony might say something hurtful?” Asked Applejack, “Granny once told me that there’s more fools in this world than there are villains.”

Green rolled her eyes.

“Is Spoiled unable to read social cues? Oblivious to body language? Incapable of understanding how her words might affect other ponies?” Green asked without giving her a chance to answer. “Of course not. Somepony with that type of disability wouldn’t rise to the top of a social hierarchy like a school board. She knew damn well what she was doing and she chose her words deliberately to attack Pip’s insecurities by calling him a runt. She. Is. A. Bully.”

A blast of hot air vented from Green’s nose as she stood up on the couch, the blanket falling from her flank.

Applejack almost groaned in frustration. Why couldn’t she convince Green that Equestia wasn’t some nightmare where any cruelty had to be either silently endured or brutally erased? If she gave up arguing would she be teaching Green that compromise was possible, or just confirming that her worldview was sound? And if she continued to push, would Green be left feeling that nopony would ever take her side?

“Ah’m so sorry Sweetpea,” Applejack sighed, “Ah wanted ta help ya feel better, but Ah’m just making it worse. Ah’m a terrible foster parent.”

Green stopped breathing for a moment as her whole demeanor changed.

“No!” Green said. “No, you’re really good! Please don’t feel bad because of me!”

The pivot from furious lecturing to panicked pleading seemed to come out of nowhere. Green was breathing faster, her pupils were expanding. Applejack knew what to do. Well, at least in theory.

“Sweetpea, Ah’m right here.” Said Applejack, “Ah’m not going anywhere. Yer safe. This will pass. Just do yer breathin’ exercises an’ Ah’ll still be right here when yer done.”

“I’m sorry!” Green sobbed, “I’m sorry, please don’t stop talking to me. I-I shouldn’t have been so aggressive. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad! Please don’t hate me!”

Applejack felt a pang of sympathy but at the same time a slow burning anger for the ponies that made Green this way. The farm pony could remember a time when she’d given Applebloom the silent treatment; she couldn’t remember why, no doubt some trivial thing, but she could remember the tears that had followed as her much younger sister convinced herself over the next half hour that she would be ignored forever. 

As Dayglow had explained it, ponies used to live in herds, and being abandoned by your herd was a matter of life and death. Being ignored by the ponies they depended on triggered the most deeply rooted fear that every foal had; that they would be abandoned.

“Ah won’t abandon ya. Ah’m not goin’ ta stop talking to ya.” Applejack hugged the filly closer. “We can stay right here an’ talk about whatever ya like.”

“I’m sorry.” Green repeated. “I know I’m being stupid. I-”

Green trailed off - it seemed like she’d finally run out of things to say.

“Ah don’t think yer stupid.” Said Applejack. “Ya had a problem that was too big fer ya ta carry on yer own and yer asking fer help. That’s a very mature thing ta be doin’”

“That’s not what I mean,” said Green, “I said all those things about bullies and I talked over you, and now you probably think I’m crazy.”

Applejack struggled to think of what to say.

“Ah don’t think yer crazy neither.” She said.

Green had opened up to her in a new way, finally talking about how she had been hurt - so why did Applejack feel like she’d done something wrong?





The situation was backwards. All those days I’d spent laying on the couch with mom, holding her hand while she went through another panic attack - now I was the one being comforted. I was so weak. Instead of sharing my strength with others, I was sapping theirs. There were probably so many other things Applejack would rather be doing, but I was clinging to her, holding her back because I was terrified that when I let her go she’d finally realize I was a waste of her time because I’d never get better.

I felt nauseated as I realized what I was doing, and I shuddered, pulling away from AJ and rolling off the couch. She should give up on me. That way I could finally stop hurting her.

“I’m going to go lie down.” I spoke without looking at Applejack.

I climbed the stairs to my bedroom and shut the door.





Applejack could have gone to see Dayglow, but getting an appointment again so soon didn’t seem likely. Fluttershy was actually still in the house after meeting Applejack for tea but she’d suggested it would be best if Applejack spoke with Green by herself.

“How did it go?” Asked Fluttershy, “I mean, if you don’t mind talking about it.”

“It weren’t quite what Ah expected.” Said Applejack, “She’s - Ah don’t even know. She has an answer for everythin’ but it’s making her miserable.”

“Oh dear.”

“She told me more than she has before, but she’s still holding back.” Said Applejack, “And this whole Spoiled situation. If she really did say those things ta Pipsqueak somethin’ needs ta be said - but Green seems ta think Spoiled is one step away from Sombra.”

“What did she say?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Green says she called Pipsqueak a runt and refused to fix the broken playground.”

Fluttershy visibly tensed at the word ‘runt’.

“How could she say that!” 

“It’s horrible,” Applejack agreed, “but Green - well she thinks Spoiled will come after her too.”

“Come after her?”

“She thinks Spoiled is gonna get her taken away unless we ‘destroy’ her first.”

“How would she -” Fluttershy began, “Oh the poor thing, she must be so frightened.”

“What can Ah do?” Asked Applejack, “Ah’m sorry ta ask, but- ya were bullied, right? How did ya move past it?”

Fluttershy took a breath and exhaled deeply, not meeting Applejack’s eyes.

“I didn’t.” Fluttershy’s shoulders slumped. “Not until- well having friends like you girls has helped, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be over it completely.”

“Ah’m so sorry Flutters,” said Applejack, “Ah didn’t think.”

“No, it’s okay,” Said Fluttershy, “I just- I’m not the right pony to ask. I moved into that cabin in Ponyville as soon as I could and hardly even spoke to other ponies for years. Well, except for Rainbow. I feel guilty sometimes that she moved to Ponyville to watch over me but she’s a loyal friend over anything else.”

Applejack remembered what Fluttershy had told her at Green’s party, about how bad the anxiety got. To the point where Rainbow was bringing her food because she would hardly get out of bed.

A lump had formed in Applejack’s throat. “So, Green then, she’s going ta-”

Applejack aborted the sentence.

“Going to end up like me?” Fluttershy asked.

“Ah didn’t say that.” Applejack countered, “It’s just... Ah don’t want her ta have ta go through all that.”

“I hope not,” said Fluttershy, “It sounds like she’s still ready to stand up for herself, at least a little.”

“So what would ya do if you were looking after Green?” Applejack asked.

“I couldn’t.” Said Fluttershy, “I’d ruin her. I’d keep her safe, and we’d stay home drinking tea and helping animals, and I’d never force her to do anything she found scary and, well, she’d end up just like... me.”

Applejack didn’t know what to say, so she embraced Fluttershy in a hug.





Applejack found Twilight in her crystal library and after a short explanation found herself sitting with Twilight in one of the castle’s many sitting rooms. Green may want to go straight to Luna with her problems, but Applejack knew a princess who was closer by, who could hopefully deal with the situation with less overkill.

“Twilight, what do ya know about bullies?” Applejack asked.

“Oh no,” said Twilight, “Is Green being bullied at school?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not really what this is about,” said Applejack, “Ah was having a talk with Green and it sounds like she had a really bad experience with bullies, an’ now - well frankly Ah don’t know how ta talk ta her about it. She’s read some books or somethin’ an’ now she’s got herself convinced that bullies are irredeemable and Ah can’t talk her out of it.”

Twilight’s ears drooped “Oh, that’s... If she was coming to you with it then I’m not sure that’s what she was asking for.”

“What do ya mean?” Asked Applejack.

“I’m not a parent,” said Twilight, “Obviously, but I have read some books about it, and even just as a friendship thing, if a friend is telling you how mean somepony was to them they probably don’t want to be told that they’re overreacting.”

“Ah wasn’t -” Applejack began before sighing, “Ahh shoot. I keep putting my hoof in it, don't ah?”

“You’re doing your best.” Twilight assured, “And I’m sure Green won’t be angry with you forever.”

“She’s not angry with me,” Applejack said, “but - Ah gave her a panic attack Twi. Ah thought Ah could help her feel better by getting her ta open up about her past, but - Ah don’t know what Ah’m doin’.”

“It’s not your fault.” Said Twilight, “You didn’t make her this way.”

“Speaking of which,” said Applejack, “We need ta talk about somepony Green has pegged as a bully; Spoiled Rich.”





I was laying on top of my bed covers, staring at the wall when I heard a knock at my bedroom door. I sighed and turned over. To my surprise, the pony I saw was Fluttershy. My first time seeing her outside the dream realm.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Fluttershy, “I didn’t mean to bother you. I just thought you might like some food, if that’s alright.”

“No!” I said quickly, “I mean yes- I mean- sorry.”

“Would you like a hug?” Asked Fluttershy.

My throat was closing up so I just nodded.

With my eyes squeezed shut to fight back tears I felt the bed move as Fluttershy sat down on the bed and draped a wing over me.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

“About what?” I asked.

“Your bullying.” She replied.

“Applejack told you?” I asked.

Fluttershy nodded, “I just thought, I mean if you don’t mind, well- I was bullied too, when I was a filly, so...”

I took a breath and tried to collect my thoughts.

“Did you ever forgive them?” I asked.

“Forgive them?”

“For what they did to you.” I said.

Fluttershy froze up, and I had my answer. My ears flattened against my head.

“Oh.” I said, “I was hoping you could tell me how.”

Fluttershy hugged me tighter.

My first therapist, back in grade school, told me that holding onto a grudge was like drinking poison expecting your enemy to die. The best way to spite your enemies, she’d said, was to live well. Were it so easy. 

If the element of kindness couldn’t forgive her childhood bullies, then what hope did I have?
> To Be or Not to Be
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I don’t see them anymore,” said Fluttershy, “It’s not that I still hate them, they’re just... in the past. The things they did to me were wrong, I know that now, that it wasn’t my fault.”

“I thought I’d left my bullies behind too,” I said, “But they keep coming back. Different ponies, but they’re all the same.”

“If you want to forgive somepony you have to know them and accept who they are,” said Fluttershy, “You can forgive a pony, but it doesn’t make what they did okay. Sometimes a cruel pony needs to be shown kindness before they find it themselves, but that doesn’t mean you should be a doormat.”

“I want to forgive Diamond Tiara.” I said.

“What has she done?” Asked Fluttershy.

“She’s a bully.” I explained, “She seeks out vulnerable ponies and abuses them, to cope with her own insecurities.”

“So...” Fluttershy hesitated, “Why do you want to forgive her?”

“Apparently she wants to be a better pony now.” By the end of the sentence it came out as a growl.

“That makes you angry?” Asked Fluttershy.

“It shouldn’t.” I said, “I just- I can’t deal with it! Why does she get to just decide to be a different - I mean, ugh. It’s not that something bad has to happen to her, I just want her to go away!”

“Do you think she’s lying about wanting to be a better pony?” Asked Fluttershy.

“I think she’s being honest.” I said, “And that I’m screwing it up for her.”

“How are you doing that?”

“I can’t stand to be around her,” I said, “I get too scared, and then everypony will end up excluding her to make me feel better. Even though I never asked them to. I’m going to ruin everything.”

And probably stop the CMC from getting their Cutiemarks too.

“It’s not your fault.” Fluttershy reassured me.

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. Me being here is the problem.” I slumped. “I just want to give up, but I can’t stop ponies from worrying about me. I don’t want to keep feeling like this every day.”

“I know how you feel,” said Fluttershy, “When you just want to lay down and sleep for a year. I know it might feel hopeless now but... it won’t last forever.”

“What if you could see the future,” I said, “And you knew for sure that if you weren’t here everything would turn out okay. And not only were you ruining it for everypony else, you were making yourself miserable too, but you couldn’t find a way out without making things worse.”

“You can’t see the future,” said Fluttershy, “I think other ponies might surprise you, if you give them a chance.”





“Green’s got herself worked up into a fury over this,” said Applejack, “And ta be honest, she ain’t wrong. Something needs ta be done.”

A look of mild annoyance crossed Twilight’s face.

“I just realized who you’re talking about,” Twilight said, “She’s been trying to suck up to me ever since I became a princess.”

“Really?” Applejack raised an eyebrow, “How’d that go?”

Twilight stuck her nose in the air and put on an exaggerated Canterlot accent.

“Princess Twilight, you simply must come by for dinner some time, I know how tiresome it can be to deal with the,” Twilight gave a look of mock disgust, “Common rabble.”

“Hoo boy,” Applejack said, “Tell us what ya really think, why don’t ya?”

Twilight rolled her eyes.

“She’s not even a real noble,” Twilight said, “If Spoiled tried that in Canterlot - Even as a Princess I’m not sure I could keep her safe.”

“What do ya mean?” Applejack asked.

“She insulted the honor of everypony in the room by placing herself above them, and she implied she was my equal in status.” Twilight explained, “If she were a noble the other nobles present would be squabbling over who would have the privilege to face her in a duel to defend my honor, but since she’s not... I’d have to use my guards to smuggle her out of the city before somepony else got to her.”

“Ya know, sometimes ah forget how scary you are.”

“I grew up in Celestia’s court and I really don’t want to be treated like that.” said Twilight, “Which is why I haven’t pressed my claims beyond this castle and its grounds. If I went to Celestia and asked to be granted lands commensurate with my title as Princess, the Baron of Ponyville and at least a half dozen others would become my vassals overnight.”

“And then ya’d have ta hold court here in Ponyville?”

“In theory? Yes.” said Twilight, “In practice, the way Celestia runs things, I’d be forced to spend nearly all my time in her court in Canterlot. It’s how she keeps the nobles in line.”

“Ah can see why Dayglow wanted to keep Green away from all that.”

“On that topic, there’s something I’ve been meaning to share with you but I wasn’t sure how.”

Twilight shuffled her wings awkwardly.

“About Green?” Applejack asked.

“I don’t think Green is really a pony.” Said Twilight.

Applejack recoiled. “Ya wha- of all the-”

“I’m not saying she’s done anything wrong!” Twilight waved her hooves defensively, “She still needs our help but - I don’t think she grew up as a pony, I think something happened to her in her world and she ran away to Equestria to escape it.”

Applejack tried to piece together Twilight’s theory with what she knew about Green.

“AJ?” Twilight gently bumped her friend in the shoulder.

“She tried ta tell me,” Said Applejack, “And Ah didn’t listen.”

“She did?” Asked Twilight. “What did she say?”

“She was in a panic so it weren’t exactly clear,” said Applejack, “Near as I can remember, she said she wasn’t a real filly, and that she’d lost everything so she wanted ta pretend that Equestria was real.”

“She doesn’t think Equestria is real?” Twilight questioned.

“That’s what she said.”

“If she came here by accident, without knowing what she was doing...” Twilight said, “Oh wow, she must be so confused and frightened. The world on the other side of the mirror portal was difficult to adjust to even when I knew what I was getting into.”

“Ah can’t do it.” Applejack said.

“Can’t do what?”

“Ah can’t tell her that we’ve figured out her secret,” Applejack gestured with her hooves wildly, “Her heart will give out and she’ll keel over on the spot!”

“She’s not a bunny rabbit AJ,” Twilight assured, “A pony her age having a stress induced heart attack is practically unheard of.”

“Ya know what Ah mean,” said Applejack, “Ah don’t want ta put her through that, Ah don’t think she’s ready.”

“So don’t tell her then.” Twilight shrugged, “Wait until she’s ready to tell you herself.”

“Ah’m the element of honesty Twi, how can ah be thinkin’ about lyin’ ta her?”

“It’s not a lie AJ,” said Twilight, “If she asks you about it, just tell the truth.”

“Who else knows?” Asked Applejack.

“Luna knows,” said Twilight, “and she has spoken to Green about it.”

“And?”

“Yes, she’s not from Equestria. No, she doesn’t want to go back.” Twilight shrugged, “Not exactly surprising given the circumstances. Oh, and we’ll have to set up a fealty ceremony for Green.”

“She’s too young fer that ain’t she?” Asked Applejack.

“If she were born in Equestria? Yes, she’d make an oath of fealty when she came of age like everypony else,” Said Twilight, “But since she’s technically a foreigner she has to pledge her fealty to Equestria before she becomes a citizen.”

Applejack winced, “In front of a crowd?”

Applejack remembered her own fealty ceremony which had been well attended by Apples from all over, though her parent’s hadn’t lived to see it. 

“Well, the ceremony has to be open to the public,” Twilight explained, “but officially all we need is a noble, which could be me, a scribe to record her oath, and at least three witnesses.”

Applejack huffed in frustration.

“Ya know, all this ain’t even what Ah came here ta talk ta ya about.” Applejack said. “Spoiled Rich! She’s head of the school board and from what Ah’ve heard she’s blocking funding to fix the playground in order ta get her daughter made class president, and was even bullying one of the children publicly.”

“That’s horrible!” Said Twilight.

“Now normally I’d go talk ta Spoiled and get ta the bottom of this before Ah do anything, but Green wants ta go right ta Princess Luna, the ministry, and the press,” said Applejack, “and if that don’t solve the problem she’ll be knocking on doors and handing out pitchforks.”

“You know Applejack,” said Twilight, “Your daughter is scary.”





Diamond Tiara’s day had gone from bad to worse. On returning home from her dreadful day at school she still had her mother to contend with.

“I am so disappointed Diamond,” said Spoiled Rich, “I gave you clear instructions on how to win back the class presidency from that common runt and it’s still too difficult for you. I thought I raised you better than this.”

“It’s not my fault mother,” Diamond Tiara said, “That new Green filly was telling him what to say.”

“The blank flank basket case the Apple’s dragged in off the street?” Spoiled asked. “You couldn’t outsmart a common waif?”

“She knew exactly what Pip should say to get everypony on his side,” said Diamond, “I’ve done everything you told me to do and all I’ve done is make everypony hate me.”

“Excuses will get you nowhere, dear,” said Spoiled, “You’re better than those common ponies and you must show it. If you make friends with those beneath you they will only be there to take advantage of your wealth and status.”

“Maybe I don’t care about any of that stuff,” Diamond yelled, “Maybe I just want ponies to like me for me for once!”





As safe as I’d felt to retreat to my room for the past week, now it felt confining. They were always asking me to get out more anyway - they could hardly complain if I went for a walk.

Winona followed me to the edge of the farm, where she stopped and looked at me expectantly. I guess she was waiting to see if I would tell her to follow. I gave her a pet on the head for being such a good dog, and then I kept walking. That I hadn’t taken the time to explore Ponyville before was a missed opportunity. The air was cool and fresh. I had nowhere to be, and nopony with me to worry about, so I could amble at a comfortable pace.

There were ponies walking about, but none of them bothered me. I decided I’d walk at least to the town hall before I turned back. I made it as far as the river when I heard somepony cry out in pain and I looked over to see a pink filly crying. Diamond Tiara.

I felt a moment of anxiety but it was quickly overwhelmed with pity. Her tears were real - probably. It wasn’t a trap. I was at least ninety percent sure her distress was genuine.

As I approached her eyes locked on me and I felt another wave of unease which caused me to shrink down slightly.

“Are you okay Diamond?” I asked.

“Have you come to laugh at me too?” She demanded.

Is that how she saw me? I guess I had never shown her any kindness.

I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Diamond cocked her head.

I thought about it for a moment.

“I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable by coming over here,” I said, “I heard you call out in pain, and I wanted to see if you were alright. If you’re alright then I can leave.”

“I kicked that stone wall over there,” she explained, “and I think I hurt my hoof. It turns out I wasn’t as strong as a stone.”

I looked at her hoof but I couldn’t see anything obvious.

“Can I see?” I asked.

Diamond raised up her hoof and I gently grasped it between my forehooves. She didn’t wince in pain so I flexed it a little.

“Does this hurt?” I asked.

“No.”

I poked at the bottom of her hoof and she winced a little.

“That hurts?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think you’ve sprained it, but you may have bruised the frog,” I explained, “If it starts getting worse, or if it’s still bothering you tomorrow, you should get it checked out though.”

“You’re good at this,” said Diamond, “For a blank flank I mean.”

“Really?” I said. “You’re still on that whole blank flank thing?”

“I just mean since you don’t have any talent.”

“When you say things, do you think about how it will affect the pony you’re talking to?” I asked.

“What?”

“When you give praise that simultaneously attacks a pony’s self-esteem,” I explained, “it makes ponies feel worse than if you’d said nothing. It’s a tactic that manipulators use to undermine and control.”

“My mother said I should always remind ponies of their place when I grant them a compliment,” Said Diamond, “otherwise they might start to think they were better than me.”

“Of course she did.” I sighed. “Did you mean what you said yesterday, about turning over a new leaf?”

“I want ponies to actually like me, and not just be nice to me because they want something from me.” She said, “Even Silver Spoon won’t talk to me anymore.”

I felt bad at the idea of a pony being excluded, even if it was Diamond Tiara. Especially since I knew she could be a better pony - at least if I hadn’t screwed everything up.

“Green, your horn!” Diamond exclaimed.

I looked up, and sure enough, my horn was starting to glow with a lime green aura. The look of worry was replaced by one of realization as Tiara opened her mouth and began to sing.

If I'm a diamond
Then why do I feel so rough?
I'm as strong as a stone
Even that's not enough

I hadn’t heard this song before, but it was probably the one from the episode, right? Words came to my mouth unbidden and I sang my part of the duet.

If I’m a grown up
Then why can’t I act my age?
Thought I’d know what to do
Turns out life’s not a stage.

When we got to the chorus we both sang in harmony.

Would you believe
That I've always wished I could be somepony else?
Yet I can't see
What I need to do to be the pony I want to be

This weight I carry
They’d say that it’s not even real
How could they help with a burden
That they cannot feel?

There's something jagged in me
And I've made such mistakes
I thought that diamonds were hard
Though I feel I could break

Would you believe
That I've always wished I could be somepony else?
Yet I can't see
What I need to do to be the pony I want to be

I've been told my whole life
What to do, what to say
Nopony showed me that
There might be some better way

And now I feel like I'm lost
I don't know how to trust
I hope that someday
You’re glad that our paths have crossed

Would you believe
That I've always wished I could be somepony else?
Yet I can't see
What I need to do to be the pony I want to be

To be the pony I want to be

“Tiara!” Spoiled Rich had found us, “What have I told you about associating with those blank flanks!”

I expected to see Diamond cowering from her overbearing mother, but instead I saw steel in her eyes.

“Don’t call her a blank flank.” Said Diamond, “She’s my friend!”

I felt like ice water had been dumped over my back.

No, that- she can’t just do that!  I can’t be friends with her!

“What have I told you about being mindful of the company you keep?” Said Spoiled, “This common waif will do nothing but drag you down.”

“Oh yeah?” Said Diamond. “Well when I was down she came to help me, even after I was mean to her!”

So much for all the preparation I’d planned for taking down Spoiled. We were both here now, and after using so much magic on that song I was too tired to worry over the consequences of my actions. I hoped she did hit me. Our musical number had drawn a crowd and they would witness what a monster she was. All I had to do was provoke her - and she had left a perfect opening.

“Diamond has the potential to be a great pony. The pony that’s dragging her down,” I pointed a hoof at Spoiled, “Is you.”
> More Powerful
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiled flushed with rage.

“Insolent little whelp,” she yelled, “what could you possibly know?”

My heart beat faster. I wanted to strike her down with my words, but I had to be tactical about it.

“I know what a bully looks like.” I said. “I heard what you did to Pip Squeak. I’ve seen how you treat your daughter.”

Establish why ponies should listen to me, keep the accusations vague to force Spoiled onto the defensive without giving her any details to dispute.

“A blank flank like you understands nothing.” She said, “You should know your place.”

Or she could just ignore my accusations entirely and attack my standing. I could leverage that though.

“My place is here.” I said. “I will not be silent while you bully children.”

Spoiled raised her nose to the point that I wasn’t sure she could still see me given our height difference.

“Your place is in the gutter they dragged you from,” Spoiled scoffed, “Obviously your parents didn’t want you.”

You know what? Fuck it.

If she was willing to fight dirty, then so was I. 

“Here we have the high and mighty Spoiled Milk picking on orphans in the street!” I said loudly. “Who among you has a modicum of respect for somepony so craven?”

Okay, maybe I was laying it on a bit thick, but seriously, she thinks she can get away with bulling an orphan for having no parents. Some of the ponies whose attention we grabbed with the musical number moved a little closer.

“My name is ‘Spoiled Rich’.” She corrected tersely.

The statement was neutral, but her tone betrayed her.

“Insecure about your name, hmm?” I asked. “Afraid everypony will realize your only worth as a pony is the money you married into?”

“How dare you!”

Her face was growing redder, even through the excessive makeup she had on. 

Let’s be more direct.

“You’re an arrogant, narcissistic old nag,” I continued. “You contribute nothing to society and the only reason anypony puts up with the rancid cesspit you call a personality is your husband’s money.”

“You have no idea-”

Blood pounded in my ears. The next most obvious insecurity I could exploit was her vanity.

Oh that’s perfect! 

“And don’t think we all don’t see how much makeup you’re wearing,” I interrupted. “Beauty was your only marketable quality, wasn’t it? And you’ve aged like milk.”

“Who put you up to this?” Spoiled demanded. “There’s no way you came up with this on your own!”

She’s afraid ponies are out to get her? Let’s double down on that and then bring it back to the original point now I’ve taken her down a few pegs.

“It could be anypony, couldn’t it?” I asked mockingly. “And the saddest part is that you’re raising your daughter to be as despised and friendless as you.”

At the word friendless I heard a gasp from the crowd.

“Come, Diamond Tiara.” Spoiled huffed. “I won’t have you be influenced by this urchin.”

“No.” Diamond cried. “I’m not going to end up like you!”

Spoiled recoiled at her daughter’s rebuke before she raised herself up to her full height. She towered over both of us. I don’t know if Spoiled had resorted to physical abuse before, but it was a clear move to intimidate.

I reared up and placed both my forehooves on her chest. I had no hope of pushing her back, she weighed at least four times what I did, but there was a clear symbolism to it for the ponies watching - and I was sure that a mare like Spoiled would be very upset at being touched by a ‘common waif’. Maybe she would even slap me.

“Stay back!” My voice squeaked.

“Unhoof me you filthy peasant!” Spoiled yelled.

I turned my cheek towards Spoiled, looking over at Diamond who was staring with wide eyes. Spoiled was trying to push me away, but my hoof grip was too strong for her to do so without losing hair. Then she grabbed my right fetlock and twisted it, breaking my grip.

I screamed.

The pain was so intense I could do nothing else. Did she know I had broken it? She tossed me aside and I landed in a heap. 

“Don’t try to fake being hurt,” Spoiled said, “You’ll get no money from me.”

Tears were streaming from my eyes, but I got back up. It hurt so much, but I focused on the anger. It didn’t mask the pain as much as I’d like. I was limping but I managed to stay on my hooves. I wanted to say something badass like ‘Thank you, may I have another?’, I was choking on my own tears, so I couldn’t say anything. I tasted blood in my mouth. Must have bitten my tongue.

I think it was dawning on Spoiled that I might not be faking.

I spat blood on her hooves. Her look of apprehension swiftly turned to rage. I relaxed my jaw and pulled my tongue back away from my teeth, ready to take the next blow. 

“Don’t hurt her!” Diamond Tiara pleaded.

The strike never came, instead I was tackled from the side.

In pushing me out of the way, Diamond had taken the blow herself. To my horror I saw that there was blood running down her face. Her tiara had broken and cut into her as it was knocked from her head, laying bent on the ground beside us.

Spoiled Rich had backed up a few paces, making some kind of excuse. Of course she would care more about appearances than the fact she just injured her own kid. I wished I had some gauze or something to press on Diamond’s head to stop the bleeding, or even a paper towel.

Fuck my leg hurt. It wasn’t as bad as when I broke it initially. Maybe a 7/10. Not that I could convince my body to stop crying about it.

The crowd murmured, unsure what to do. The bystander effect; I could recognise it. They all knew something had to be done, but none of them wanted to be the first to take responsibility. A pink unicorn with a straw yellow mane was the first to approach us. With her mane down I didn’t recognise her at first.

“Hi Green,” she said, “I’m Soothing Melody, do you remember me from the hospital?”

I did. She was the trainee I’d freaked out in front of for no reason. I didn’t trust my voice not to just sob, so I nodded.

“And who’s your friend here?” Asked Melody in a gentle tone.

She gave a death glare towards Spoiled for a moment before looking back to Tiara and I.

“I’m Diamond Tiara.” She answered for me.

“Does anypony have a first-aid kit?” Melody switched her tone of voice when she spoke to the crowd.

A pony I didn't recognize quickly grabbed a first aid kit from inside their house and passed it to Melody. She opened it with her magic, tearing open a pack of gauze. She pressed the gauze on Diamond’s forehead and guided her hoof to it.

“Keep pressure on this until it stops bleeding.” Melody instructed. I almost interrupted her before she corrected her own mistake, “I mean uh, don’t take it off to check though. Just- I’ll tell you when, okay?”

Then Melody turned to me. “This is the leg you broke, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” I managed to say.

“Now I know you’re a tough little filly,” Melody said, “But I need you to tell me honestly how much it hurts.”

She gave me a patient expression while she waited for me to collect myself.

“It hurts a lot.” I said. “I think something is wrong.”

Melody’s eyes widened slightly in surprise and her sense of urgency increased.

“Did you hit your head when you fell?” She asked.

“No.” I said, “Er, maybe. I bit my tongue somehow.”

“Alright,” said Melody, “I’m taking both of you to the hospital.”

“Ahem.” Spoiled cleared her throat. “I’m Diamond Tiara’s mother and-”

“Great.” Said Melody. “You should come with us to the hospital.”

“You won’t be taking my daughter anywhere.” Spoiled ordered. “It’s barely a scratch.”

“I’m taking her to the hospital,” Melody replied, “And if you have a problem with that you can report me to the town guard.”

Melody turned her back on Spoiled and gave her attention to Diamond Tiara again.

“Here, let me see.” Melody gently removed Diamond’s hoof from the gauze she was holding on her head.

The gauze stayed, stuck to the coagulated blood beneath it. Melody took out a roll of medical tape from the first aid kit and taped the gauze in place so it wouldn’t get dislodged and tear off the clot.

Honestly, with the bleeding stopped Diamond’s injury probably wasn’t bad enough to make going to the hospital a necessity, but Melody was doing exactly the right thing by insisting. The hospital would be a safe place to sort all of this out.

“Can you walk, Green?” She asked.

I tried to put weight on my injured leg and winced. I could still hobble on three legs though. Melody sighed.

“Would you feel comfortable with me carrying you?” Asked Melody, before adding, “I won’t be able to hold you up in my magic for that long, so you would be laying on my back.”

I felt tired, and battered, and being carried actually sounded wonderful.

“Yes please.” I said, “I trust you.”
> All Around Me
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I felt like trash. I had ruined everything.

As the giddy excitement of ‘winning’ over Spoiled Rich faded I came to realise what I’d done. Diamond Tiara was injured and bleeding, her namesake jewelry was broken. She called me her friend, and I’d turned around and used her as a cudgel against her own mother... figuratively speaking. If she was a friend I should have put her well-being first.

My leg throbbed in time with Melody’s gait, keeping me from succumbing to the intense fatigue I was feeling. Forcing me to keep thinking.

I might have started out wanting to teach Spoiled a lesson, but in the end I had broken her. It was possible that Spoiled was too far up her own arse to see how much trouble she was in, but she’d be lucky to avoid prison. It would be difficult to argue for leniency on the grounds she had a young child at home when she’d struck Tiara as well.

I knew how bullying worked. I’d seen Spoiled’s weakness and insecurities, and instead of offering support I’d struck again and again at any vulnerability I found. I’d gaslit her into believing everypony was against her. I’d goaded her into overreacting so she would be punished. In my attempt to stop a bully, had I become one myself?

That isn’t the pony I want to be.

I cracked my eyes open only to feel the pain in my head magnify. I think I was getting a migraine.

“Diamond?” I asked.

“Yeah?” She replied.

Somehow Diamond was able to speak clearly while carrying her broken tiara with her mouth.

“I’m sorry,” My voice wavered, “I’m not a good friend.”

“That’s ok.” Said Diamond. I could tell she was distracted.





“I’m not sure if we should go to the waiting room or just walk in through the ambulance bay.” Melody admitted.

“Let’s just go through triage,” I suggested. “It’s not like I’m dying so there’s no need to skip the queue.”

The sounds and smell of a hospital immediately made me feel more relaxed.

I couldn’t clearly remember coming in through emergency last time. It looked almost disappointingly normal, if a bit old fashioned. Unlike the dated facilities I’d seen however, everything looked new and well-kept. A central nurse station was surrounded by patient bays cordoned off with ceiling-mounted curtains. There were a couple of resus bays near to the ambulance entrance, and some triage bays along the short hallway that connected the waiting room to the unit.

The clerk behind the admissions desk gave a look of recognition upon seeing Melody, but her smile quickly faded on seeing she was carrying an injured filly on her back.

“Good afternoon Melody,” said the blue mare, “Can I have the patient’s name and reason for admission?”

Melody leaned closer to the counter.

“I have two fillies here with me, Green has an injured leg, and Diamond Tiara has a laceration to her forehead.” Said Melody, “Code lilac.”

The admissions clerk glanced down behind her desk at what I assumed was a list of code colors before stiffening slightly.

“Please take them straight through to Triage 2.”

The clerk spoke into an intercom system, but by the time she started speaking we were too far away for me to make out the words. There was no such thing as a ‘code lilac’ in any of the hospitals I’d worked at, but I was sure we were about to become very popular.

Once we were with the admitting nurse, Melody stepped away so she could talk to one of the other nurses. With the twisting motion Melody mimed there was little doubt about what she was describing. There were already a pair of stallions wearing vests hovering around us trying to look inconspicuous. They were earth ponies so their hovering was figurative rather than literal.

They pushed us through the area with the curtained-off patient bays to some more private rooms at the back of the unit. I had my own room while Diamond and Spoiled were placed in the next one. The mattress was thinner than a ward bed, but it was comfortable enough. If only my leg would stop throbbing I’d be glad to take a nap.

A gray earth pony mare in a nurse cap tapped a hoof on the doorway before entering my room.

“Hi Green,” she said, “My name is nurse Tenderheart, how are you feeling?”

“Not great,” I quipped, “But I suppose you get that a lot. Any relation to nurse Redheart?”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Tenderheart, “And yes, Redheart is my cousin. What would you give your pain out of ten at the moment?”

“Seven.” I answered, “... eight if I try to move it.”

“That’s no good, I’ll see if I can get you something for the pain,” she said, “is there anywhere else that hurts? Apart from your leg.”

“My head hurts.” I replied, “Especially around my horn. I had a magic surge earlier though, so that’s not surprising.”

“A magic surge?” Tenderheart questioned, “But-”

She probably hadn’t gotten a chance to read my patient notes yet.

“Yeah yeah, I’m too old,” I interrupted, “Just read my file. Anyway, I have magic fatigue.”

"Aww, you poor thing,” I could do without the condescension, “We’ve sent somepony to find your guardian, so she should be here soon. Your call button is here and the doctor should be with you soon. Was there anything else you needed?”

“Could you dim the lights?” I asked, “I think I’m getting a migraine.”





Dayglow was honestly a little shaken. A code lilac meant a situation involving child or elder abuse which was rare enough in Ponyville to be notable. This was a code lilac involving her highest profile client. She didn’t know the details yet, but there was no way this didn’t become a huge headache.



“Poor Green,” she sighed, “you just can’t catch a break, can you?”

There was no need for her to run, security would already have responded, so Dayglow took the time to unlock her filing cabinet to pull out Green’s file, and a few forms she would probably need before she left her office.

Dayglow took a moment to collect herself before entering the emergency department. She hadn't dealt with Spoiled Rich before, in a professional sense, but her husband had made some quite generous donations to the hospital so she had met the mare in passing. Her name was certainly familiar though, and she seemed so benign when they exchanged pleasantries last time... how could she do this? What had happened? Dayglow wondered if something terrible happened in her past to explain why she acted like this but the answer was probably quite simple: Spoiled thought she could get away with it. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, with the powers that were interested in this case, Spoiled's influence meant nothing.

Dr. Redcross and then the unit manager briefed her on what to expect before she went in.

Entering the room, Dayglow approached the bed where Diamond Tiara lay, her forehead bandaged from the gash her mother had inflicted upon her. Dayglow could see the fear and confusion in the filly's eyes, and her heart ached for her.

Spoiled Rich sat in a chair next to the bed, she had a look of scorn on her face and was staring at Dayglow as if she were an inconvenience. Dayglow felt a flash of annoyance. How dare she? Her own daughter was hurt and Spoiled didn't seem concerned at all.

"What do you want?" Spoiled demanded, her voice dripping with disdain.

"Mrs. Rich, I am Dayglow, a Social Worker at this hospital. I am here to investigate the injury that your daughter Diamond Tiara has sustained." Dayglow said in a stern voice.

Spoiled shrugged her shoulders. "I don't see what the big deal is. Two fillies got into a fight. It happens every day," she said flatly.

Dayglow ignored her and turned to Diamond Tiara, her voice soft and gentle. "Hi, Diamond Tiara. My name is Dayglow, and I'm here to help you. Can you tell me what happened?"

Diamond Tiara hesitated, her eyes darting nervously between her mother and Dayglow. Finally, she spoke in a small, shaky voice. "I-I was playing with Green, and she said something mean to my mom. My mom got really angry and tried to hit her, but she missed and hit me instead."

Dayglow's eyes narrowed as she turned to face Spoiled Rich. "Is this true?" she asked, her voice tight with anger.

"Of course not,” Spoiled scoffed, still refusing to engage with Dayglow, and turning to stare at Diamond Tiara instead, who began to whimper in fear.

"It's alright Diamond," said Dayglow, "You don't have to cover for her, I understand that this must be upsetting for you."

Diamond nodded, sniffling.

"Mrs. Rich, Melody saw you strike your own daughter in the head," said Dayglow, "Do you deny it?"

"She jumped into my hoof, I wasn't trying to hit her." Spoiled protested.

Dayglow struggled to control her irritation. She hadn't seen Spoiled act like this before. She was always so calm and composed, and now suddenly she'd become a different pony. No longer did the mare care about being polite or even rational.

"Mrs. Rich, you need to stop playing games with me," Dayglow said, the anger seething inside her, "Your daughter has been seriously injured, by you, and you're not taking this seriously."

"A serious injury?" Spoiled rolled her eyes, "What are you talking about? A tiny cut. It hardly counts as a 'serious injury.'"

“Dr. Redcross says it’s bad enough she’ll likely need stitches.”

For the first time in the conversation, Spoiled seemed to pay attention. “Will she have a scar?”

"It’s certainly possible." Dayglow replied, using all the power she could muster to keep her temper under control, “What were you doing when your daughter 'jumped into your hoof’?”

"It was an accident, I was trying to hit that brat Green and missed. I didn't mean to hit Diamond Tiara." Spoiled insisted.

"You-" Dayglow struggled for words, "You injured your own daughter while you were trying to beat someponyelse's?"

"She spat on me!" Spoiled snarled, "I was going to discipline her, but Diamond jumped into my hoof! So I accidentally hit her instead! It was an honest mistake, and she’s fine."

"Mrs. Rich, hitting anypony, let alone a child, is not acceptable. What you've admitted to is considered child abuse. Do you understand the seriousness of this situation?"

"Green is just an orphan who doesn't know her place." Spoiled stated with a sneer, as if she were justifying her actions.

“An orphan?” Dayglow repeated, struggling to hide her shock, this whole conversation was going in a direction that she hadn’t anticipated. "Green is an eight-year-old filly who is under my duty of care! I don't care what she said to you, she is the victim in this situation, and you put her in the hospital. And Diamond Tiara is not 'fine', she has a gash on her forehead that may need stitches. There is no universe where this is all okay."

Spoiled smirked. "I don't have to listen to you, Dayglow. You are nothing. My family has given enough money to this hospital to make you irrelevant."

"Mrs. Rich," Dayglow glared, "Do you have any idea what you are saying? I have a responsibility as a social worker to protect children. Do you honestly think that any amount of money can protect you from the consequences of assaulting a young filly? Breaking her leg just because she said something you didn't like? I will report this. You could lose custody of Diamond Tiara. You may even go to prison."

"Oh come on," Spoiled scoffed, "There's no way I twisted her hoof hard enough to break it."

"It's the same leg she broke two weeks ago," Dayglow corrected, "Did you know that?"

“How was I supposed to know?” Spoiled asked, looking confused, yet defiant, as if this was somehow more offensive than breaking a child's leg.

"It doesn't matter if you knew," said Dayglow, "The point is that you broke her leg, and then you tried to hit her again. You injured your own daughter and now you don't seem to care at all. Am I right, Mrs. Rich?"

"I don't have to take this from you, Dayglow, I've got better things to do. I'll be taking my daughter home. If you want to talk to me, you can contact me through my lawyer. I don't have time for this nonsense. Goodbye.”

Dayglow watched as Spoiled stood up and turned toward the door.

"Mrs. Rich, you are free to leave if you like," Dayglow ordered, "But your daughter will be staying. I'm taking her into protective custody until I complete my investigation. If you try to interfere in any way, security will escort you out of the hospital. Is that understood?"

Spoiled paused and turned back around. "Fine! Fine. But you won't get anywhere with this, you know that, don't you?" Spoiled asked, her tone mocking.

"If you're about to tell me how powerful your friends are, you can skip it." Dayglow said, "I'd stick my neck out for any child that needed my help, but in this case I'll give you fair warning. The last time Green was in the hospital, Princess Luna came to check on her personally."

Spoiled's smug expression faltered at Dayglow's words.

"I don't believe you," Spoiled said, but her voice lacked conviction.

"It doesn't matter if you believe me or not," Dayglow replied calmly, "The fact remains that I have the support of Princess Luna, and she will not tolerate any abuse towards children. So if you think you can bully me or intimidate me with your connections, you are very much mistaken."

Spoiled scowled at Dayglow, but she didn't say anything else. She stormed out of the room, leaving Dayglow and Diamond Tiara behind.

Dayglow sighed and looked at Diamond Tiara, who was staring at the floor. "Are you okay, sweetie?" Dayglow asked gently.

Diamond Tiara nodded, but didn't say anything.

"I know this is hard, but I promise you, you're safe now," Dayglow said, "I'm going to take care of you and make sure that nothing like this ever happens again. And if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here to listen."

Diamond Tiara nodded again, still not speaking.

Dayglow gave her a gentle hug. "Everything is going to be alright, I promise."

After Spoiled left, Dayglow called for security to keep an eye on her and to make sure she didn't try to interfere with Diamond Tiara's care.





I could hear Dayglow and Spoiled talking through the wall.

As I sat on the hospital bed, I couldn't help but feel guilty for what had happened. If only I had de-escalated the situation, none of this would have happened. But I was so angry at Spoiled for being a bully. I said things I shouldn't have. I provoked her into attacking me.

It was my fault. I should have known better. I did know better and I had the training certifications to prove it, but in the moment, I couldn’t control myself.

I wanted to apologize to Diamond Tiara, but I was too embarrassed to face her after what had happened. I had pretty much ruined her life just when she was getting it on track. How could she forgive me? What could I possibly say?

My heart felt heavy in my chest.

I heard hoofsteps approaching and saw a white unicorn stallion walk into the room. He wore a white coat and carried a clipboard in one hoof. "Hi there, Green, I'm Dr. Red Cross, you might not remember me, but we've met before," he said cheerfully, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm sorry," I said.

Red Cross smiled sympathetically. "Don't worry about it, Green, accidents happen. Just rest easy, we'll take good care of you."

"It wasn't an accident," I said quietly, "I meant to do it."

"Meant to do what?" asked Red Cross, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I meant to goad Spoiled into hitting me." I explained, "She was being a bully, so I made her angry enough to hit me. I wanted her to get into trouble."

Red Cross raised his eyebrows. "So you intentionally tried to provoke her?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"That's... unusual behavior," Red Cross said slowly, "what gave you the idea to do that?"

I struggled to come up with an answer. "I don't know," I lied.

"I see..." Red Cross said thoughtfully, "have you done something like this before?"

"No," I answered truthfully.

Red Cross nodded. "I need you to understand that what Spoiled did is not your fault. She is the one who attacked you, and she is the one who deserves to be punished for it. Nopony forced her to respond the way she did."

I sighed. "I shouldn't have done it."

"You couldn’t have known." Said Red Cross.

"I should have de-escalated the situation," I said, "I should have just ignored her insults and been the bigger pony."

"There's no shame in standing up for yourself," said Red Cross, "and you did the right thing. Now, I'm going to take a look at your foreleg."

He grabbed my leg and pain shot through my body as he examined my injury. "Hmm," he muttered, "this isn't healing well. Looks like you may have displaced it. We may have to reset it so that it heals correctly."

"Okay," I said, "are you going to do it here?"

"Since you've had an internal fixation it's a bit more complicated." Dr. Red Cross explained, "I'll prescribe something to help with the pain, you'll have some X-rays done, and then we'll call in Dr. Stone to do the realignment since he's the surgeon that worked on your leg before."

"That makes sense," I said.

"Does it?" Red Cross asked, raising an eyebrow, "The nurses told me you were a clever little filly, do you know what an internal fixation is?"

I closed my eyes against the growing headache.

"Yeah," I replied, "it's a type of surgery where they fix broken bones inside your body so that the bone can heal correctly. The bone gets fixed by screwing metal rods into the bone itself."

"Correct," said Red Cross thoughtfully, "but why is that important?"

Just answer the questions and then he’ll go away.

I cracked my eyes open again to judge his response.

"Because there's extra hardware inside my leg now," I answered, "So it's not as simple as setting a bone from a simple fracture anymore. Even if you could have a go at setting it, you wouldn't want to mess with another doctor's work if you could help it."

Red Cross nodded, impressed. "Exactly. Internal fixation can make things a bit more complicated and we have to be careful not to displace any of the hardware..."

Dr. Red Cross frowned, looking around the room, he picked up a blood pressure cuff.

"Alright," he challenged, "what is this for?"

I tried not to show any irritation at being grilled like this.

"That's a blood pressure cuff," I replied, "It's used to measure the blood pressure in a patient's leg by inflating the cuff and measuring the pressure at which the blood flow is blocked."

My head pounded.

Maybe if I answer as completely as possible he won’t keep asking followup questions.

"That's right," Dr. Red Cross nodded, "what's the normal range for a blood pressure?"

"The normal range depends on the patient," I replied, "I don't know the protocol in this hospital."

"Let's pretend you're a nurse though," Red Cross continued, "at what point would you call me?"

Why won’t he just be quiet!?

I wanted to scream.

"If the patient's MAP was below 65, or their Systolic was above 180 I would be very concerned," I explained, "but again, I don't know what the protocol is in this hospital."

Red Cross was looking increasingly perplexed. He took a moment to think.

"If a patient had low serum phosphate, and I asked you to administer a bolus of K-phos," Dr. Red Cross asked, "What would you do?”

A shiver ran down my spine. 

“I’d tell you to rethink that order before you kill somepony.” I answered, “You can’t give K-phos as a bolus, you’ll stop their heart.”

“And?” Red Cross prompted.

“And why are you ordering K-phos for hypophosphatemia, unless there’s something else going on.” I grumbled, “Doctor - just, I have a migraine okay? You can test me later. I can’t even see straight.”

“Sorry, I-” said Red Cross, “I’ll get you something for pain, okay? Hang in there.”




> Musical Interlude III
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


> Familiar Faces
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I sat on the hospital bed, I couldn't help but feel guilty for what had happened. If only I had deescalated the situation, maybe none of this would have happened. But I was so angry at Spoiled for being a bully, I couldn't control myself. I said things I shouldn't have, and I provoked her into attacking me.

But I never meant for her to hurt Diamond Tiara. I was only trying to protect her. 

When Dayglow came to interview me, I couldn't look her in the eye. I knew that I was partly to blame for what had happened, and I felt like I had let everyone down.

"Green, I know that this is difficult for you," Dayglow said, her voice gentle and kind, "But I need to know the truth. What happened between you and Spoiled?"

I looked down at the hospital sheets, feeling a surge of guilt. "I-I said some mean things to Spoiled, to goad her into hitting me," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper, "But I never meant for her to hurt Diamond."

Dayglow looked at me with concern. "Green, you're not to blame for what happened," she said gently, "Spoiled is the one who hurt you and Diamond Tiara. You are a victim here."

I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed with guilt. "But I wanted her to hit me," I admitted, "I wanted to get her in trouble. I didn't think she would actually break my leg, or hurt Diamond Tiara."

"Green, it was very brave of you to stand up for your friend," Dayglow said, "But you don't have to put yourself in danger like this. You need to understand that what Spoiled did was wrong. She shouldn't have hurt you, and she shouldn't have hit Diamond. She's an adult, and she should know better."

I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes. "I know, and I'm sorry," I said, "But I don't want to be the reason why they're separated."

 "Do you know if she has hit Diamond Tiara before?"

I shook my head. I didn't know. How could I know if this was the right decision if I didn't know? Maybe she didn't normally act like this. Would Diamond Tiara actually be better off without a mother? Did I actually want Diamond to go back with her potentially abusive mother?

"I don't know." I admitted.

Dayglow sighed and gave me a sympathetic look. "Green, I understand how you feel, but we need to make sure that Diamond is safe. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that happens, and I'll make sure that she has the support she needs. You're not responsible for what decisions I make with Spoiled. What you need to focus on is getting better and recovering from your injuries. Can you do that for me?"

 "Yeah, I guess."





Princess Twilight was surprised when she heard a knock at the door to her study. She had asked that she and Applejack not be disturbed.

"Come in!" she called, wondering who it could be.

The young pegasus messenger wore a crisp, professional uniform adorned with the insignia of the hospital where he worked, he had a sleek coat of dark grey fur and a well-groomed black mane. Despite his professional demeanor, there was a hint of nervousness in his eyes and a sheen of sweat on his brow. He stood at attention before Princess Twilight and Applejack, taking a moment to catch his breath before speaking. "Sorry to interrupt your meeting, Princess Sparkle," he began, his voice slightly tremulous. "But I need to inform Miss Applejack that her foster daughter has been in an altercation and now she's in the hospital."

Applejack's blood ran cold. "Oh no," she whispered, "Is she alright?"

The messenger hesitated, his eyes flicking nervously to Princess Twilight before returning to Applejack.

"She re-injured her broken leg." The messenger reported, "I don't know any more than that. She has been admitted to the emergency department."

"How did this happen?" Applejack demanded, "She was at home! What could have happened ta her?"

The messenger fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable. "She and Spoiled Rich were having an argument in the town square," he began, his voice faltering under the intensity of Applejack's gaze.

"She what!?" Applejack interrupted.

"For some reason Spoiled grabbed Green's leg and twisted it. That's all the details I was told."

The sound of splintering wood could be heard as the arm of a very expensive chair was crushed by Applejack's Earthpony grip.

"Twilight," Applejack said, "Ah need ya ta come with me, and Ah need ya ta promise ya won't let me alone with Spoiled, or Ah may do something Ah regret." 

Twilight nodded in understanding.

"I promise," Twilight said, "I'll teleport us to the hospital, it will be faster."





As Twilight and Applejack arrived at the hospital, there was a second flash of teleportation and they were met by a group of Twilight's Royal Guards. One of them, a tall, muscular stallion with a mustard yellow coat and deep orange mane, stepped forward and bowed.

"Princess Twilight, we were worried when we couldn't find you," he said. "As captain of your Royal Guards. It is my duty to protect you, and I can't do that if I don't know where you are"

"I appreciate that, Sunrise," Twilight said, trying to keep her frustration in check. "But I am capable of taking care of myself. I don't need a group of guards following me everywhere I go. How did you even find us so fast?"

"When protecting a VIP it's standard procedure to set up monitoring wards." Sunrise explained, "Since you objected to having a tracking spell placed on your person I had to use the monitor ward to analyse your teleport spell and determine it's vector-"

"I know how spell analysis works." Twilight huffed, "I just don't want to be tracked all the time."

"We understand, Princess," said a guard with the standard white coat and blue mane granted by her armor's enchantment, "And we try to be as unobtrusive as possible."

Twilight sighed, feeling irritated that she needed to have guards at all. When Twilight had declined to choose her own personal guards, Princess Celestia had gifted them to her. She knew that the guards were bound by oaths to protect her, but she couldn't help feeling like they were more loyal to Celestia than they were to her, and merely paying lip service to her orders. 

"Fine," Twilight said. "But please try to stay out of our way."

"Of course, Princess," Sunrise said with a bow. "We are at your command."

"Alright fine," Twilight ordered, "Sunrise, you can stay with me. The rest of you will have to wait outside."

Sunrise turned to give orders to the other guards.

Twilight nodded and turned to Applejack. "Let's go check on Green," she said. "I hope she's okay."

The Trio entered the hospital.

"Your Highness!" The reception pony asked, "How may I help you?"

"We're here to see Green." Twilight said politely.

"Of course, Your Highness. Right this way." The reception pony led them through the emergency department to a room near the back.

"I'll have to leave you here, Princess," the reception pony said, "I have to assist the next patient in the waiting room."

"Thank you," Twilight replied.

After taking a breath, Applejack opened the door, letting light into the darkened room. She saw Green lying on the bed, and her eyes filled with tears at what she saw. 

"Green," Applejack said softly, "Oh Sweetpea what did she do ta ya?"

Green's leg was propped on a pillow and bent awkwardly. Her eyes were closed, her face a mask of pain. Green had told her that Spoiled was dangerous, but she hadn't taken her seriously - or at least not seriously enough.

"Hey," Green mumbled, barely opening her eyes.





Applejack was here now and I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to rest. I couldn't tell her that though. I just had to endure.

"Ah'm here now," Applejack cooed, "Ah'm here now, so don't worry."

I wanted to tell her not to worry, but I knew it would be futile.

"I'm not worried," I said, "I- okay maybe I am worried, but not about me."

"What happened?" Applejack asked.

How could I explain to her that it was my fault that Spoiled had done this? That I had gotten angry, and escalated a situation on purpose? That I had got Diamond and myself hurt for no good reason.

"I don't know."

"Spoiled Rich broke yer leg." Applejack said.

"Well..." I said, "yeah."

"What happened?"

"I got angry at Spoiled," I said, "and I said some things I really shouldn't have."

"It's not yer fault."

"It is my fault," I muttered, "I knew she couldn't control herself. I pushed her into violence so that she would get in trouble, but I only expected a slap. I didn't know she would hurt Diamond, or twist my leg."

"Oh, sweetpea, yer not ta blame." Applejack replied, "Spoiled is responsible for her own actions."

"I know." I moaned, "But I didn't have to push her into this. I didn't have to keep going after I knew she couldn't defend herself."

"What are ya talking about?" Applejack questioned, "Spoiled is five times yer size-"

"Verbally." I interrupted, "She couldn't defend herself verbally. She wasn't smart enough, and I took advantage of her."

"I don't think it's fair to call it taking advantage." Applejack argued, "Ya weren't the one that started it."

"No," I agreed, "I wasn't. But I could tell how fragile Spoiled was. I knew what would happen if I pushed her too far. I planned on it."

"Ya can't blame yourself for what Spoiled did," Applejack said.

"What she did was wrong, but I could have prevented this. I can blame myself for creating the situation," I said, "I was the one that made the decision. Spoiled just reacted. "

"That's no different than her sayin' stuff ta you that made you angry." Applejack countered.

"I know the difference between being in control and not."

"Green, what are ya talkin' about?" Applejack asked.

"I know what I'm doing." I explained, "I know how I'm supposed to react. I know the consequences of my decisions."

"And Spoiled didn't?"

"No," I said, "She didn't. She just reacted. She was unable to control her emotions and she lashed out at me. I could have stopped it at any time, but I didn't. Because I wanted her to overreact."

"It ain't yer fault," Applejack insisted, "and I'm Ah'm goin' ta keep tellin' ya that until ya believe me."

I stared at the ceiling, "Fine, it's not my fault."

"Okay," Applejack said, "I won't argue with ya anymore."

"Thanks."





I couldn't help but sigh as Nurse Tenderheart entered the room, a small paper cup filled with pills in her hoof.

"I brought you some painkillers, Green," she said, holding out the cup. “Sorry I doubted you about the magic surge.”

I hesitated, memories of my last round of painkillers flooding back to me. They had made me delirious, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through that again.

"What are they specifically?" I asked, trying to hide my uncertainty.

"They're a combination of acetaminophen and codeine," Nurse Tenderheart explained.

I considered asking to just take acetaminophen on its own, but the pain in my head and the constant throbbing in my leg were too aggravating.

"Fine," I grumbled, taking the cup and popping the pills into my mouth. "But if I become delirious again, I'm blaming you."

Nurse Tenderheart chuckled and gave me a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, Green. I'll be keeping an eye on you. And Applejack is here too.”

I nodded, already imagining I could feel the effects of the painkillers.

"Thanks," I mumbled, my eyes starting to droop. "I just want to sleep."

"Of course, dear," she replied, tucking me in and turning off the light completely, "Get some rest."

I closed my eyes and let the painkillers take me under, grateful for the relief they brought.

As I settled back against my pillows, I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. I knew I had to confront reality eventually, but I wasn't ready to deal with it yet. For now, I just wanted to escape into the oblivion of sleep, even if it was just for a little while.





Every cutie mark crusader was in my room. This was a disaster waiting to happen. I needed something to keep them occupied. They should have their cutie marks by now, but they didn't, because of me. All of a sudden I felt a sense of calm wash over me. The CMC shared similar expressions, as they began to sing in three-part harmony.

"When we grow up,

We won't ever have to worry,

'bout making dumb mistakes because-

we know being big is all it takes."

I was worried that the other patients would be bothered by how loud they were singing, but it seemed like they were all dancing along. Strange. Scootaloo sang her solo part next.

"When I grow up,

I'll fly like I'm a bird and there's

no-pony that could ever drag me down -

be-cause I'd be a grown-up."

The song seemed so familiar but I couldn't place it. The CMC sang in harmony again.

"When we grow up,

We'll eat sweets for breakfast and

Do what we want all day, then

We'll go to bed late every night."

I felt the magic take hold of me and I knew it was my time to sing.

"As I grew up,

I knew I had a lot of problems,

but I was sure that they would pass in time,

because one day I'd be a grown up"

"When you grew up-" The CMC kept up the backup vocals for me.

"When I grew up," I sang,

"I knew that none of that would matter,

And everything would be perfectly fine

When I was finally a grown up

I always felt,

Like every day's a mission,

All I had to do was make sure I survive,

So I could finally be a grown up."



When I grow up-

I always thought,

That I was just so special,

And when I grew up I'd be ready just to thrive.

They don't hold you back when you're grown up.

Diamond Tiara entered the room exactly on cue to sing her part.

"Mom always said,

That I should prove to them I'm better,

That it's the only way to keep them on my side.

I listened because she's a grown-up."



And I had the reply.

"Dad always said,

Son, you fake it till you make it,

You just act the way you want to feel inside.

But now I'm feeling inside out

When I grow up-

Did I grow up?

Or did I just grow older,

And better at pretending I was fine.

Is this really all I'm destined to be.

Am I grown up?

Or am I just pretending,

And inside I'm still frightened like I'm-

that little boy who screwed it up again,

and doesn't know what to-do.

When I grow up-

Diamond Tiara lifted my chin with her hoof.

Just because you find that life's not fair, it

Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it

If you always take it on the chin and wear it

Nothing will change.



Tiara booped my nose and I rubbed it. Nurses from the unit wheeled my bed into the unit floor where they were all preforming a choreographed dance. I could swear the unit wasn't this big before; and that it didn't have a rotating platform in the middle of it.

"It's the slip of a tongue, and the order is wrong," Redheart sang.

"The occasional beep and the patient can't sleep." Melody added.

"A clot can break free and become an infarct," Dr Red Cross had a great Tenor voice, "The smallest of things stills the mightiest heart."



"Every day starts with a name on the board." The nurses sang accompanied by the squeaking of pens as they wrote their names on the whiteboards.

Paperstack burst through the doors to sing her line. "All I want is patient's moving up to the ward."

The nurses were singing again.

"If you treating a filly and start to feel doubt,
They don't have to cry, they don't have to shout!"

'Cause if you write a report you can do a lot, you
Mustn't let a little thing like, 'rapport' stop you
If you sit around and let suspicions drop, you're
Letting them down!

When you see a filly with an unkempt mane, or
Injuries and scars her parents can't explain, or
You see a colt repeatedly and just ignore it.
You might as well be saying
You think that it's ok
And that's not right!
And if it's not right!
We have to put it right!

"Just because I find myself in this story" I sang,

"It doesn't mean that everything is written for me

If I think the ending is fixed already

I might as well be saying

I think that it's OK"

"And that's not right!" Sang Dayglow

"And if it's not right." Sang the hospital staff in unison, "We have to put it right!"

I turned to see princess Luna, in her filly form, sitting next to me on the bed, bobbing her head and clearly enjoying herself.

"Oh," I realized what should have been apparent a while ago, "I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

"Tis a good dream!" Luna beamed, "We are glad to see thou art in high spirits, considering the circumstances."

I sighed.

"Worry not young Green," Luna said, "We have not come to add to your worries, we are here to wish thee pleasant dreams. You have earned them."

The song ended with everyone singing:

"And when you wake up, remember it's your story!"

"How long have you been listening?" I asked.

"We were here from the beginning," Luna replied, "Dreams are a place where a pony makes sense of their confusing feelings - we merely gave this dream a push in the right direction. Your subconscious weaved together this catchy tune from the unsorted depths of your memories."

"You know then?" I asked. "About who I used to be."

"We have known what you once were for some time," Luna admitted, "But we felt you were not ready to face that truth. Worry not, it changes nothing between us."

"But I lied!" I insisted, "I lied to everypony."

"You said what you believed you needed to say in order to be safe." Luna said. "You had no ill intent; you know the reasons why what you did was wrong so there is no need to lecture thee. Now is the time to grow into yourself and discover who you really are. That is what matters."

"It's hard though," I complained.

"Many things in life are hard," Luna said, "But that doesn't mean they aren't worth doing."

"Then what should I do? How can I fix this?" I pleaded.

Luna looked around the room at my friends, dream representations though they were. She leaned forward and nuzzled me under the chin.

"It will be alright," She said softly. "It might take awhile, but in due time you will find your peace. You have friends now, ponies you can trust."

I nodded against her muzzle. In time, I'd get there. Somehow...





Dr. Red Cross sat in front of his typewriter. Each of his hooves grasped an appropriately sized metal plate that could be moved in six different directions. The combination of the position of each plate printed a character. It was more mechanically complicated than the old binary typewriters, but it allowed for much faster typing without the need for a crystal to convert several taps into one character.

Dear Dr. Mirror Image,

I am writing to refer Green, a patient of mine, to your care for psychological evaluation and treatment.  Green is an eight year old unicorn filly recently admitted to the hospital following an altercation that resulted in the re-injury of a broken leg. Green is highly anxious and prone to panic attacks, however, during the course of her treatment I have come to believe that there may be more to her case than meets the eye.

Despite her age, she has a practical understanding of medicine and displayed a mature understanding of her own treatment and care. Green has had a bad experience with a therapist recently so she may be reluctant to seek help, which is why I believe that it is important for her to work with somepony who won’t jump to conclusions. It’s vital for Green to receive support and guidance in processing the events that led to her injury and managing her underlying emotional issues.

I have the highest confidence in your ability to provide Green with the care and support she needs. Your extensive experience and compassionate approach make you the perfect fit for Green's unique needs.

I look forward to discussing Green's case further with you and would be happy to provide any additional information or support as needed.

Sincerely,
Dr. Red Cross MD
> Green Onions
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

They’d insisted on knocking me out again in order to revise my internal fixation. I’d wanted to just have a nerve block so I could watch the operation, but alas.

“Hey there sleepyhead.” Said Applejack.

“I- wha,” I muttered, “G’mornin’”

“Afternoon actually,” Applejack corrected. “Ya woke up after the surgery but then ya fell right back ta sleep. Tha’ doctor says you might not remember that though.”

My breath caught a little.

“I uh-” I winced, “I didn’t say anything weird did I?”

Applejack smiled. “Ya were very sweet.”

“What did I say?” I whined

“Ya said that if ya had ta have a new mom,” Applejack said, “Ya were glad it was me.”

It could have been worse.

“...And then ya tried ta sing a song about it but you couldn’t think of a word that rhymed with apple and ya got real frustrated.” Applejack giggled, “Ya said Ah deserved a song.”

I could feel I was blushing, and I tried to pull up the bedsheet to cover my face.

I couldn’t grip it.

But that means that...

I began to hyperventilate.

I tried to grip the sheet with my left hoof... Ok, that works fine.

I tried with my right, which was poking out the end of a new cast.

Nothing. I couldn’t even feel anything!

I grabbed Applejack with my good hoof. My eyes were open so wide they hurt a little.

“Applejack,” I said urgently, “Applejack, get the nurse right now I can’t feel my hoof.”

Applejack's smile vanished when she saw the urgency and fear in my eyes.

"I'll go get the nurse," she said, gently prying my hoof off of her. "Try ta stay calm, it's gonna be okay."

She hurried out of the room, leaving me alone with my fears. I couldn't believe it was happening again; if I was unable to grip things I was right back where I started and this time it could be permanent! 

I tried to take deep breaths, but my heart was pounding and my mind was racing. What if something had gone wrong with the surgery? What if I had nerve damage? I felt a wave of panic wash over me, and I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes.

After what felt like a long time Nurse Redheart rushed into the room, followed closely by Applejack. They both looked concerned as they approached my bed.

"What's going on, honey?" Redheart asked, her voice gentle.

"I can't feel my hoof," I said, my voice trembling.

“On the operated leg?” She asked.

I nodded, “Yeah, and I’ve lost grip in that hoof as well.”

Redheart tested my leg and she had a serious look on her face. 

“Green, I know better than to tell you not to worry, but- look at me,” she instructed, “just because you can’t feel it now doesn’t mean it’s permanent. I’m going to page Dr Stone and we’ll figure this out okay?”

I was being stupid, of course. For all I knew this could be normal. Maybe they’d injected my foreleg with a local.

It wasn’t normal. It couldn’t be normal, otherwise Redheart wouldn’t have looked so concerned. Fuck.





Dr Stone took one look at me and ordered a scan. Applejack went with me to the scan, but she had to wait outside. They whisked me back to my room rather than waiting for the results.

“The scan shows that all your nerves and thaumic pathways are intact,” Dr Stone explained, “but when you were injured several of them were stretched or compressed. It’s not something I can correct surgically, the nerves just need time to heal on their own. Once the swelling goes down we’ll have a better idea of how severe the damage is and what level of recovery can be expected.”

“Level of recovery?” I asked, “I’m going to have a permanent deficit?”

Dr. Stone looked at me sympathetically, for the first time breaking his monotone.

"It's too early to say," he said, "but it's possible that you may have some degree of permanent nerve damage. We won't know for sure until your nerves have had a chance to heal and we can assess the extent of the damage. But even if there is some permanent damage, it doesn't mean you won't be able to function normally. We'll work with you to develop strategies for coping with any deficits.”





Dr. Red Cross walked into my room, holding a clipboard and a small stack of papers.

"Good afternoon, Green," he said, his voice cheerful. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm doing okay," I replied, "My leg still hurts, and my hoof is numb but it's getting better."

"I'm glad to hear that," Dr. Red Cross said. "Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something. I think it's important that we address your emotional well-being as well as your physical recovery."

I looked at him quizzically.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well," Dr. Red Cross said, "I've noticed that you seem to be struggling with some anxiety and emotional distress. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and scared when you're dealing with a major injury like this, but I think it would be helpful for you to talk to a professional who can help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies."

I looked down, feeling a sense of shame.

"I'm sorry," I said,"I know I've been a little on edge lately. I didn't mean to be a bother."

Dr. Red Cross shook his head.

"You're not a bother," he said. "It's perfectly understandable to feel the way you do. And that's why I referred you to a psychologist who I think can help you. His name is Dr. Mirror Image, and he's a specialist in emotional trauma and anxiety management. He's had a lot of success in helping patients like you cope with the challenges of recovery."

I looked at Dr. Red Cross, feeling my anxiety spike. "Do I have to?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

He placed a gentle hoof on my shoulder. "No, Green, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do," he said. "But I think it would be a good idea to at least meet with him and see how you feel. I know you've had a bad experience with a therapist in the past, but Dr. Mirror Image is different. He's very patient and understanding, and I think you'll feel comfortable talking to him."

I thought about it for a moment. I didn't want to see another therapist, but Dr. Red Cross was right, I had been struggling a lot lately. Maybe it would be good to talk to someone who understood.

"Okay," I said finally, "I'll give it a try."

"I’m glad," Dr. Red Cross said, smiling warmly. "And don't worry, everything you say to Dr. Mirror Image is completely confidential. He's here to help you, not to judge you or criticize you. He’ll have an open mind."





The room looked very similar to my first therapy visit, except there were no toys or mats on the floor. It wasn’t the room that grabbed my attention though, it was its occupant. I hadn’t seen a crystal pony in person before and they were quite striking. Dr Mirror Image had an aquamarine crystal body with angular facets. Somehow I could see almost straight through him. Where were his organs? His mane was a silver color tinged with gray and he had a pair of spectacles that seemed far too small for pony eyes. Perhaps they were just reading glasses.

Applejack nudged me. “It ain’t polite ta stare.” she whispered.

We made our way to the couch and sat down.

“Hello,” said the crystal pony, “My name is Mirror Image.”

“Hi,” I said, “What did they tell you about me?”

“Dr Red Cross tells me you’re a very clever filly who’s going through a very difficult time.”

It was better than the deflection I was expecting, but still frustratingly vague. I stayed silent in the hopes he would elaborate.

“They told me you wanted to talk through some of the feelings you’ve been having.” He continued, “It’s alright if you’ve changed your mind, I can appreciate how much stress you must be under.”

I took a breath, held it, and then exhaled.

“Do you know about what happened yesterday?” I asked, “With Spoiled Rich. I don’t want to tell the whole story again.”

“I know the broad strokes.”

“I feel guilty.” I explained. “I feel like I was manipulating Spoiled, and I don’t know if I should feel bad about that.”

“Guilt is a normal feeling.” Mirror image replied. “The fact that you feel remorse is a good thing to me. Can you tell me more about why you feel manipulative?”

He was validating my feelings, did that mean he did think I had something to feel guilty about? Or was he just - ugh. No way to know yet.

“Spoiled was out of control,” I said, “I could see what I needed to say in order to push her into overreacting, so that she would get into trouble and I said those things not because I meant them, but because I knew they would hurt her.”

“And why did you feel the need to push her?”

“She’s a bully.” I stated. “I could see what she was trying to do to me, and I wanted to make her suffer like she did to other ponies. I wanted to prove I was better than her at her own game.”

“And these other ponies, who are they?”

“Pip, at the school board meeting. When he requested funding to fix the broken playground she refused; she called him a runt.” I growled, “The way she speaks to her own daughter is shocking. The type of pony she is? That’s only the start of it I’m sure.”

“Would you call them your friends?” Asked Mirror, “Pip and Diamond.”

“I don’t know if Pip is a friend yet, but he did ask for my help.” I replied, “Diamond said we were friends herself, and stood up to her mother for me.”

“Did they ask you to do what you did?”

“No.”

“To go that far for another pony, it sure sounds like you care a lot about Pip and Diamond.” Mirror Image said, “Tell me Green, how much of what you did was planned? Did you make those decisions on impulse?”

“I didn’t do it for them.” I grit my teeth, “I did it because I was angry. I had a plan to go through the proper channels but it wasn’t going as fast as I wanted. When I had the opportunity to vent my frustration on somepony who deserved it, I took it.”

“You’re a very smart filly Green. You know what to say to nudge things in the direction you want them to go.” Mirror Image pondered, “It makes me wonder, are you guiding our conversation right now? What do you think I should say to you?”

“You think I’m trying to get you to say it wasn’t my fault? Fishing for validation?” I asked, “Or perhaps I’m presenting a narrative to convince you of my guilt because I feel like I deserve punishment.”

“And what punishment do you think you deserve?”

“I don’t know.”

“If we were in each other’s hooves,” He questioned, “and you were the psychologist and I was the filly, what would you say to me?”

“I would probably ask questions and listen reflectively without making any judgements,” I said, “Like you’re doing.”

“Ah, so I’m glad we’re on the same page and you approve!” He chuckled.

Yeah, but the reason I’d do that is because I don’t know psychology and it would be the easiest way to pretend I knew what I was talking about.

“I guess I answered my own question, didn’t I?” I asked, “You’re not going to judge me.”

“That’s not why I’m here,” He explained, “I’m not a judge or jury. If you’re looking for somepony to tell you if what you did was right or wrong I’m not going to be the one to do it.”

I sighed. “Can you explain why I feel like this? That is your job, right?”

“Can you be more specific?” He asked, “I’m sensing you have a lot of feelings going on and my job is to help you understand yourself. If I told you how to feel, or justified why you feel the way you feel then I would be doing you a disservice.”

“I feel anxious, almost all the time. I don’t like social interactions, but I learned about how they work anyway, because I had to.” I looked down into the cup of water I was holding, “I hate how nopony seems to think about what they’re doing or saying, how they get into pointless conflicts just because they refuse to consider the perspectives of other ponies.”

“Being gifted does come at a price. You can see all these little things and predict how they will happen. You can see every perspective and every consequence all the time,” he said, “And you think that it’s up to you to guide others in the right direction?”

Was he trying to flatter me with that? Did he really think I was so narcissistic?

“No. I’m not omniscient.” I said firmly. “It’s not my job to guide everypony. I just don’t want to do harm.”

“Even if you think they deserve it?”

“Does anypony really deserve harm?” I asked, “If a pony had to be harmed, because it was the only way to protect others, or if being harmed a little now will help them in the long term, then it could be justified, but I’m not sure if anypony deserves to be harmed just for the sake of it.”

“I see.” He noted something down, “And this anxiety is... fear that you’re going to cause harm to somepony, intentionally or not?”

“Sometimes.” I admitted, “Other times it’s just the fear that everypony will hate me and reject me.”

“Because you can see that possible outcome in social interactions?”

“Yes. I can never predict everything.” I said, “Especially if I don’t know them well.”

“You and I are not so different Green.” Mirror Image smiled, “If you were just a little older I might offer you a job as my apprentice. ‘Manipulating’ every social interaction to have the best possible outcome is very emotionally labor intensive. It’s no wonder you’re anxious all the time.”

“I don’t know how to stop.”

“Nopony says you have to stop. It’s about accepting it.” He hesitated, perhaps seeing my expression before adding, “I know that sounds like a platitude.”

“What am I accepting?”

“That you can’t make every interaction have the best outcome, and when something does go wrong that’s just how things happened. Emotions are impulsive and fickle. Anger doesn’t care, sadness doesn’t either, and it’s not wrong to feel those things; and feeling anxious isn’t wrong either. Not wanting to feel anxious is not wrong. Being a pony is... well, just as it sounds.”

“I can’t do it.”

“You can’t be a pony?”

“I can’t just accept it, or be myself, or any of those other things ponies say. The way I interact with ponies when I’m being myself is that I don’t. Because I don’t care. Unless they want to talk about the thing I happen to be interested in at that moment I don’t actually want to talk to them, or acknowledge them.” I looked at the wall behind Mirror and then back to a spot between his eyes, “Making eye contact, showing interest with posture, being aware of their body language and tone of voice seeing through their words to their perspective- there’s a dozen things I need to do to have a successful social interaction and none of them come naturally.”

“As soon as you start interacting with others, you start seeing those potential options and outcomes open up like a floodgate.” He said, “It’s exhausting so you don’t want to do it.”

“The only winning move is not to play.” I said bitterly.

“Green, who are you?” He asked, “Not from my perspective, mind you.”

“I’m not a philosopher.” I deflected.

“I’m sure if you labeled all the things you weren’t we would be here for quite a while.” He countered. “I can also see you’re not a porpoise.”

If felt like I had to force a slight smile at his attempt at humor. I still had no idea where he was going with this.

“The question is too broad.” I replied. “Who am I? You know my name, my address, so I can only assume you’re asking who I am on a more fundamental level. Am I a consciousness? A soul? Do I really exist, or do I just think I do? I don’t know. And I’m not sure what it would mean if I did.”

“Can I give you my perspective?” He asked.

“Of course.”

“I see a green filly in front of me,” He said, “Around the age of nine. Please correct me if I’m wrong.”

“I can’t deny that.”

“Okay, and you’re here today talking to me because you think something isn’t right. Most ponies don’t even get that far. That tells me that you care enough about yourself to talk to somepony like me.” He surmised, “I see a filly struggling with giftedness. You can see possibilities and perspectives, and it’s exhausting.”

“It seems like the harder I try, the worse I feel.” I admitted. “And when I want to give up, ponies keep ‘helping’ me.”

“You don’t want help?”

“I want to give up.”

Mirror Image looked over at the door.

“You can leave at any time. I’m not keeping you here,” He said, “But I have a feeling you won’t, so what’s keeping you here?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay if you don’t know. You don’t have to know everything.” Said Mirror, “I heard you tried to talk to a therapist before. How did that go?”

I winced.

“Not well.” I admitted, “I kinda - had an anxiety attack. And then ran away crying.”

“That doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience.” he said, “So from our little talk today, would you say this is going better? I won’t be offended if you say no.”

“So far, so good.” I sighed.

“That’s good to hear.” He smiled, “Do you feel anxious when you don’t know how ponies feel about you?”

“Yes, very.”

“Am I making you anxious?”

What a question.

“I - you've given enough hints that you don't think poorly of me, and given some direct praise. Most of it appeared genuine, though a couple times I thought you may have been probing to see how I would react to undeserved praise. I could be wrong, though. You are well practiced at this type of interaction.”

"I will take that as a compliment.” Said Mirror, “Speaking of, Miss Applejack. You've been quiet. Would you agree that this is going well?

“Well, Ah can say it’s goin’ a mite better than last time,” Applejack replied, “Ah’m not sure how this is suppose ta be helpin’ though. Yer jus’ tellin’ her that it’s alright, but it ain’t. She’s sufferin’.”

“Yes, I can understand that. Green needs everypony around her to be genuine and their motives to be clear. She is gifted and can see when ponies don't mean what they say. You could call it the social facade.  She can see right through us. Her anxiety stems from these social interactions.”

I’d put it off for as long as I reasonably could, but I really had to say something while there was an acceptable break in the conversation. We were on a roll and I was afraid that Dr Image would end the session. Stupid child body.

“Can we take a short break?” I asked, “I need to use the restroom.”

“Of course, take as much time as you need,” Dr. Image said kindly, “We’ll be here when you get back.”

I pushed myself off the couch, wincing at the twinge of pain in my leg. Applejack quickly came over to help me, offering me her hoof to steady myself on.

Outside the room was the wheelchair they’d used to transport me from the ward. It was adult sized, so there was no way I could reach the wheels even if my hooves did work. It wasn’t like I couldn’t walk though. I could see the bathroom down the hall, and fortunately it was unisex so I didn’t have to worry about those issues.

“It’s a fair walk,” Applejack said, noting my painfully slow pace, “Ah can push the wheelchair if ya like.”

The long walk down the hallway to the bathroom would be tedious, and very uncomfortable.

“Sure.” I sighed, feeling even more useless.





“Feeling better Green?” Asked Dr Image.

“Yes thank you.” I said.

“It seemed to me like you didn’t want our session to end,” said Dr Image, “Is there a particular topic you wanted to make sure we covered?”

I couldn’t find words. How could I even begin to bring up my past life? I turned away from Dr Image and looked at Applejack.

“Applejack,” I said, “Do you remember what I told you? Before you took me to see the therapist... About where I was from.”

Applejack seemed to freeze for a moment.

“Ah should have listened better.” Applejack pulled me closer, “Ah know how hard it must’a bin ta admit that ‘an... well Ah should’a been more open minded.”

WHAT!? How does she already know that?

I slowed my breathing down.

It’s okay. It’s okay. If she already knows then that just makes this easier.

“Do ya want me ta tell him?” She asked.

“No,” I’d given up making eye contact with anypony, “I’ve got to be honest. Dr Red Cross probably told you I’m not a normal filly, right?”

“Normal is relative.” Mirror responded, “I have spoken to him about you though.”

“What if I told you I wasn’t a filly?” I asked.

“That would certainly open up a lot of questions.” He said, “If you’re not a filly, then what would you be?”

I kept staring at a point on the wall.

“Well, I am a filly now, but I wasn’t always this way.” I said, “ I - I came to Equestria from somewhere else, a society where I was considered an adult.”

“So you’re an adult in the body of a foal?” He asked.

“I guess you could say that.” I could feel my heart vibrating my chest. “It sounds crazy. I don’t have any proof.”

“You don’t need to prove anything to me.” He said gently, “So if you were an adult, what kind of pony were you?”

“I was a nurse.”

“Were you a good nurse?”

“I like to think so.”

“As we all do.” He said, “I suppose the better question would be if you enjoyed being a nurse.”

“It was stressful but fulfilling.”

“Yes, helping professions are good for that.” He said, “Both the stress and the fulfillment.”

I inhaled sharply and tried to keep my voice even.

“I didn’t help Spoiled.” I began, “It’s like - as if I did everything wrong on purpose. I kept attacking her insecurities when I would see she was getting upset. I initiated unwanted physical contact in the hopes she would respond violently. I ended up getting somepony else hurt... It’s like a waking nightmare. I could see that Spoiled couldn’t control herself and I took advantage of her.”

“Even if you are an adult, you are in the body of a filly.” Mirror spoke softly, “Spoiled is an adult, in an adult body. Even if you did antagonize her, it’s not okay for her to do what she did. She chose to react poorly. I’m not saying what you did was good or bad, but you’re not responsible for other ponies' actions.”

That made sense, it was what everypony else had been telling me.

“If I asked you to insult me,” Image asked, “Would you?”

“Is there a reason I should?”

“And that’s reasonable.”

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“Everything we do, in a way, is manipulation.” He explained, “I can ask you to insult me, but you don’t have to do it. You can antagonize Spoiled, but she didn’t have to hurt you. We are constantly suggesting eachother to act in a certain way. As a helping professional, we do this for the benefit of the patient - but if we suspect abuse...”

“When I look at Spoiled I have trouble seeing her as a functional adult. The way she reacted, the way she couldn’t defend herself from my words - she feels like a patient to me. A vulnerable one. It was too easy, and I feel sorry for her.”

“Not as an insult,” I added, “but genuinely I feel bad. If she had an awareness of herself and how she appears there’s no way she would have done the things she did.”

“And that’s the point.” He replied, “I’m sure as a nurse you were a mandatory reporter if you suspect foal abuse, but you’re not a nurse, or an adult right now. The foal being abused - was you.”

“I... yeah.”

“I can’t imagine how I would react if I found myself in the body of a child and I knew that was going on. Trying to convince everyone  I was a psychologist and an adult. I would certainly be frustrated.”

“I didn’t even try.” I admitted. “I was too scared. I lied instead.”

“And?”

“And I let everypony believe I was a child, I accepted their help under false pretenses.”

“Because nopony would believe you.”

“I didn’t even try.” I said, “To be honest I’m not even sure if you believe me now.”

“Stranger things have happened.” He shrugged, “How are you adjusting?”

“Should I even be adjusting?” I asked, “My whole life here is based on a lie.”

“I suppose that’s the problem.” He said, “What do you want? Or what do you think you need?”

“I don’t know what I want anymore.” I sighed. “Sometimes I’m not sure if I should be here at all.”

“Well, you have to be somewhere. Why did you leave home?”

My god that was blunt. That could have been a sensitive subject. It wasn’t, for me, but it could have been.

“By accident.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“A stranger offered me a chance to travel to another world.” I explained, “I thought they were joking, so I said yes. It turns out they were not joking.”

“And how did you get here? Why can’t you go home?” He asked, “Assuming you want to.”

“As far as I know, my consciousness was seamlessly transferred, or copied, into this body. I didn’t wake up, wasn’t transported, I was just suddenly here. Which means this isn’t my original brain, I’m not the original me. I just have the memories.”

“Where did you come from?”

“A place called Earth.”

“I can’t say I’ve heard of it.” He said, “Do you think you would still have the same mind if you had a different brain?”

“That’s a difficult question.”


“Let’s say you were the ‘Original’,”  he asked, “What does that mean for you?”

“It means I have a bunch of unexplained memories in my head from a past life this brain couldn’t possibly have experienced.”

“Okay,” He replied, “And what does it mean if you’re a ‘Copy’?”

“It means I have an explanation for the memories in my head.” I shrugged, “I’m not ‘fake’ if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“No, no,” He placated, “I’m just wondering if that would change your needs.”

I shrugged. “I am what I am.”

“Do you want to go home?”

“With the way I got here, I don’t think that’s possible.” I said, “And if it were... I guess I would have to.”

“You would have to?”

“I had a family.” I explained, “No children, thankfully, but parents, and siblings. I can’t abandon them to go live in another world. I can’t let them think I’m dead or missing.”

“Ah yes, I can see how that would be distressing.” He replied, “But I’m getting the sense that you may have some resentment over your obligation to go home, if you were able. Am I missing the mark?”

My breath suddenly felt sharp.

“No I-” I looked at my hooves, “I don’t think resentment is the right word. I feel... I don’t know.”

“Imagine there’s a portal that will take you home, right behind that door.” He instructed, “Imagine you’re walking towards it, or you can actually walk if that helps. What emotions do you feel?”

“I feel torn. I know I have to go back but-” I hesitated, “I- feel like I’m giving up on a life that I’ll never get back, like if I step through I may never be happy again. I don’t want to be melodramatic about it, but it feels like suicide.”

“Those are some powerful emotions.” Mirror said, “I can see why you would want to avoid thinking about it. I wonder though, if that’s part of the reason why the idea of telling ponies about where you’re from generates so much anxiety.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, imagine if I told you right now that you couldn’t go back,” He asked, “That it was completely impossible. What emotions does that bring up for you?”

“I feel... relieved.” I said, “But I also feel guilt and... grief. I’ve lost everything from my old life; My family, my friends, the life I managed to build it’s all gone forever. My family would be devastated because for all intents and purposes I’d be dead.”

“I think you feel such anxiety over telling ponies where you’re from because you know on some level that if you did you might get an answer one way or the other about whether you could go home.” He explained, “And then you would be forced to confront one side of the terrible dichotomy you’ve described.”

“What if I don’t tell them?” I asked, “What if I just try to forget my past life and start a new one here? Would that work? Could that work?”

“That is an option,” He said, “But it sounds like keeping this secret is causing you distress.”

“It is.” I admitted.

“Keeping this in limbo,” He said, “Not finding out if you’re truly ‘stuck’ here; You can’t properly grieve for a life you feel like you may be forced back into at any moment. And you can’t commit to a life here when you fear it may be temporary.”

“But the alternative is... It’s not just about finding out if I can go home, I have no idea what could happen. It scares me.” I said, “Everything would change, and I could never take it back.”

“What do you think it would change?”

“I don’t know! Everything!” I said, “Everypony is so understanding when I get anxious or when I can’t do things for myself or I don’t know things. If they knew I was actually an adult they- I’d just be broken and useless. I know they probably wouldn’t but I just feel like everypony would hate me.”

“Did ponies accept you when you were an adult in the other world?” He asked.

“They didn’t have to,” I explained, “In my past life I was capable and independent. I helped others, I didn’t need them to help me. When I interacted with them, I could show them what I wanted them to see, and then I could go home.”

“I’m getting the sense that it was important for you to be in control,” He said, “Relying on other ponies, trusting them with your true feelings makes you feel vulnerable. Am I on the right track?”

“I guess...”

“What is it that you wanted other ponies to see?”

“I wanted them to see that I was calm, and reliable, that I cared about them and was interested in the same kinds of things they were.” I said, “Actually I was anxious and didn’t really want to interact with them.”

“It can be really hard to go through life constantly hiding your insecurities. What do you think would have happened if you did let someone see this side of your personality? Did you feel like you'd be rejected or mocked if you were to show your weaknesses?”

“I felt like if I showed weakness people wouldn't want to be around me,” I said, “Or that, yeah, I would be rejected and mocked.”

“So now you’re feeling like being seen as a child is the only thing protecting you from this fate.” He said, “I can see how that would make it difficult for you to talk about this.”

“Yes, that’s exactly it,” I said, feeling a sense of relief that he’d put into words what I was feeling, “It’s like being seen as a child gives me permission to not have my shit together emotionally, to be ignorant, to make mistakes.”

“The thing is,” Mirror continued, “Hiding behind this persona of a child might be keeping you safe in some ways, but it’s also preventing you from forming truly deep and meaningful connections with the ponies here.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, if you’re always pretending to be something you’re not, then the relationships you form will never be based on the real you,” Mirror explained. “And while it might be easier in the short term to keep up the act, in the long term it will only lead to more isolation and loneliness.”

“But what if I can’t be myself?” I asked, “What if the real me is just too broken?”

“Feeling vulnerable is always scary,” Mirror said, “But it’s also a necessary part of being a pony. We all have our weaknesses and flaws, and learning to accept them and share them with others can actually make us stronger.”

“I know, but...” I trailed off, feeling overwhelmed.

“It’s not an easy thing to do,” Mirror said, “But with practice, it gets easier. And it’s worth it.”

“I do want to feel like I belong here,” I said, “I just don’t know how to face this.”

“It’s never too late to start being honest,” Mirror said, “And you don’t have to do it all at once. It can start with small steps, like telling one pony about your past, or even just one truthful thing about yourself that nopony knows.”

“Sweetpea,” Applejack said, “No matter what happens, you’ll still be my little girl and nothing’s gonna change that. Ah’ll always be here for ya, when ya need me, even if yer actually a grown mare. Ah can’t promise Ah understand everythin’ that’s goin’ on with ya, but Ah’ll try.”

I took a breath, and let it out slowly. I almost started to say something, but my throat seized up and I had to take another breath.

Why was this so hard? Compared to being a different species this should be nothing. 

“Applejack,” I squeezed my eyes shut, “I’m not actually a girl.”
> Don’t You Know Who I Am?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I felt acid in the pit of my stomach. Why did I say that? Everything had been going so well and now I just had to ruin it.

“Yer not a girl?” Applejack repeated.

“I know I’m a girl right now,” I said, “But I wasn’t before I came here. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want ponies to treat me differently.”

With my eyes closed I’d almost forgotten that Mirror Image was still in the room with us.

“And how would you like to be treated?” He asked.

“I don’t know!”

“Sweetpea it don’t matter none,” Applejack said, “Yer a filly now ‘an we have ta take things as they are.”

I sighed.

“Back on Earth I had a friend who was... born the wrong gender,” I explained, “And it caused a lot of problems for them.”

“Is that how you feel right now,” asked Mirror, “That you’re the ‘wrong’ gender?”

“I’m not sure.” I said, “It’s not all the time, it’s just sometimes, I get these moments of dysphoria.”

“Hmm,” said Mirror Image, “Can you describe to me what that’s like?”

“Well, sometimes when ponies refer to me as a girl, or when I see myself in a mirror I’m just overcome with this sense of wrongness, it’s like... not disgust, there’s nothing wrong with being a girl I just - feel like I’m not supposed to be.”

Mirror Image nodded understandingly. "That's a pretty common description for gender dysphoria. It's a disconnect between the gender you feel internally and the gender you were assigned at birth, or in this case, when you came here."

"I don't get it," Applejack confessed, "Is this like, a magic thing?"

"No, Applejack," Mirror responded, "This is something that happens in many species, even in ponies. It’s not about magic, it’s about identity. When your physical appearance doesn’t match your internal sense of your gender, it can cause a lot of distress. How would you like us to refer to you, Green?"

"I don't get it!" I said, "Why do I feel like this? I became a whole different species, why does it feel like gender is more serious than all of that?"

Mirror looked thoughtful for a moment before replying, "I think it's because species often isn't a part of our core identity the way that gender is. We don't think of ourselves as a pony in the same way that we think of ourselves as male or female. Species is a biological fact, but gender is deeply tied to our sense of self. The change from one species to another can be seen as something external, something that happened to you, but gender is something that comes from within. It's part of your internal landscape, not the external one."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Still though, how would you like me to refer to you? I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Said Mirror.

The answer should have been obvious, and yet...

"I don't know."

"Well, you've said that female pronouns make you uncomfortable, would you like me to refer to you as he/him?"

"Maybe?" I replied, my voice small. It felt awkward and strange. "I mean, I was he/him before I came here, but... I don't know if that's right either. I guess you can try it. But it's going to be weird."

Mirror nodded, understanding the uncertainty in my voice. "Alright, Green, how does this feel? He is sitting across from me, trying to find his identity."

Hearing Mirror use male pronouns to refer to me was like a jarring note in a song, something out of place and I instinctively recoiled.

"No." I said quickly, shaking my head. "No, that doesn't feel right either. What's wrong with me? I used to be male!"

"It's okay, Green," Mirror Image said gently, "We'll figure it out. I'm sorry if that felt wrong."

"No, it's not you," I said, "It's not even that I don't like it, it's just... I don't know. I've never had to consider this before. I'm not used to it. It's weird."

"How about they/them?” Mirror Asked.

“We can try it.”

"Of course," Mirror Image responded, warmly. "They're sitting across from me, trying to understand their identity."

It didn't feel as jarring. It wasn't perfect, but it felt less wrong than the other options. I wasn't sure if that was a sign of something, or if I was just too tired and overwhelmed to really feel anything at the moment.

"That's... better," I said after a moment, my voice still uncertain. "But if I have to ask everypony I meet to use different pronouns for me it just feels... awkward. It feels like a lot of effort. If it's not important enough to me to make that effort... what if that means I'm not really trans and I'm just forcing myself to feel the way I think I should?"

"I don’t think you are transgender," Said Mirror, "At least not in the traditional sense."

I tilted my head.

Mirror Image continued, "It's clear that you're experiencing some form of gender dysphoria, but your situation is unique in that your physical transition happened quite literally overnight, and without your direct intent or control. Most ponies who experience gender dysphoria have struggled with it for years before deciding to take action to transition, and it’s a slow process. You've spent so long being one thing, and suddenly you're being asked to accept yourself as something completely different. Though there are similarities, it's fundamentally a different experience." 

"That makes sense," I said, "But it doesn't explain why I'm having trouble accepting myself as male."

"There's a difference between 'accepting' and 'identifying,' Green." Mirror explained, "You can accept that you were male in your previous life, but that doesn't mean you ‘should’ feel comfortable identifying as male now. ‘Should’ implies there’s a right or wrong way to feel about this, and there’s not.”

The distinction between acceptance and identification was something I hadn’t considered. It made sense though.

“Don’t feel that you have to snap to one or the other," Mirror Image cautioned, "This is a journey. It's okay to take your time to figure out what feels right for you. It’s completely valid to feel uncomfortable with both he and she pronouns, and to prefer they/them instead. You’re certainly not the first pony to feel that way.”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

Mirror Image nodded, seeming to understand the weight of the conversation. He took a moment to compose his thoughts before speaking, his voice calm and reassuring, "Green, I'd like to ask you about something more specific. You mentioned feeling a sense of 'wrongness' when you see yourself. Are there any particular parts of your body that you feel dysphoric about?"

I swallowed hard, my heart pounding in my chest. I hesitated, unsure if I wanted to voice these thoughts out loud. It felt incredibly personal and embarrassing to talk about, but at the same time, I knew that if I didn't say it now, I would just keep pushing it aside, keep pretending it wasn't there until it was too late to ignore.

"Umm..." I began. "I guess... I guess it's mostly my, you know, my-"

You’re a nurse damnit, use the proper terms.

“My vagina,” I tried not to wince, “And just, reproductive organs in general.”

Mirror gave me a supportive nod, "I can see how that would be difficult."

"It's not just that," I said, "I've been doing some reading about what's supposed to happen when a pony gets older. When a filly reaches...  puberty and I just... I don't think I want that to happen to me. I don't want to... I don't want to change like that."

"It's completely understandable that you're feeling apprehensive about those changes," Mirror said, "Especially given the suddenness of your transformation and your current struggle with your gender identity. This is all a lot to take in and it's okay to be unsure or scared. Do you think you would feel more comfortable if those changes didn't occur?"

I considered his question, chewing my lip nervously. The idea of those changes happening to my body filled me with a sense of dread, but at the same time, I couldn’t just stay like this indefinitely. "I don't know," I admitted, "I don't want to stay a child forever, but I also don't want to... you know..."

"Go through female puberty," Mirror finished for me.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Estrus.” I said. “What can you tell me about it? My species didn't have that.”

Applejack had her hoof on my back and I could feel her tense in surprise.

“Estrus is the time of year mares can choose to conceive foals.” Dr Image explained.

“It’s a choice then.” I released a breath.

“Of course. The idea that estrus would force a mare to be promiscuous is a hurtful stereotype.” Said Dr Image, “Though it’s not something you have to consider for several years in any case. How does that make you feel?”

“Relieved... but I still feel like I'm stuck," I admitted, "I'm not comfortable being female but I'm also not comfortable being male. I think I’m okay with being a pony I just... I don't know what I want to be."

"That's why we're here, Green," Mirror said softly, "To help you figure it out. Remember, you don't have to rush. This is a journey, and it's perfectly okay to take your time."

I sighed deeply and laid my head down on the couch. I felt a lot less anxious, and a lot more tired.

“Thanks for talking to me.” I said, trying not to yawn, “I-”

The yawn came out. “I think this was helpful.”

I closed my eyes.

“Ah think ya talked er-em right ta sleep.” Applejack joked.

She slipped up on the pronoun but I could appreciate the effort.

“Hey,” I couldn’t help but smile, “I’m just resting my eyes.”

After Applejack and Mirror said their goodbyes I stumbled my way over to the wheelchair and pulled myself into it. The seat of the adult-sized chair was just large enough for me to lie down on if I curled up. It took a little wriggling to get into a comfortable position with my cast, but once I did I quickly fell asleep.