• Published 16th Oct 2019
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Trust Once Lost - Greenhorne



When I agreed to be sent to Equestria I didn't read the fine print. I'm the wrong age, the wrong gender, and lost in the wilderness.

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Book Horse

When I got back to my room, I was excited to finally get some answers about the Equestria I was in. The bookbags themselves were almost as interesting as their contents. Some of the books were clearly too large to even fit through the opening of the bags, and yet they did. I was kinda expecting them to be bigger on the inside, but that wasn’t the case. Instead it was the books that were smaller. Reaching my hoof into the bag, it was still the same dimensions it appeared to be on the outside, but when books (and only books) approached the mouth of the bag, they shrunk. I could see tiny versions of the books I’d borrowed and grab them.

When I tried to pull Graymane’s Anatomy out of the bag, I collapsed under it as it returned to its original size. Luckily nopony was around to see that.

As I tried to flip through the pages of Graymane’s Anatomy using the edge of my hoof, I noticed two of the pages were separated more than the others, as if someone had placed a bookmark. Giving up on flipping the pages with my hoof I found a ruler and used it to flip to the page in question. The heading at the top of the page read “Female Organs of Generation”, but the thing that caught my eye was the colorful pamphlet which had been inserted between the pages, “Your Body and You: Everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask!” The leaflet was colour-coded pink, and the cover was adorned with pictures of filles looking confused.

I almost face hoofed but I caught myself just before impact and instead placed my head onto my hoof gently.

Really, Twilight?

May as well at least take a look. I opened the pamphlet expecting to see the standard information about puberty, periods, pregnancy, and prophylactics. My eyes widened.

Wait a minute, what the heck is estrus?

Five minutes later, I was much better informed and feeling slightly ill. My only comfort was I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this for at least a few years. For the first time since my arrival in this world, I was really confronting the fact that my body was female, and I wasn’t sure that I was okay with it. I’d have to spend some time figuring out the general consensus about gender-issues in pony society before I risked talking about it openly though.

I mentally chastised myself for looking left and right surreptitiously before sliding the booklet back between the pages where I’d found it. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, damnit, and looking around like that would only make it suspicious for anypony watching. I was careful to put the pamphlet back exactly where I’d found it for plausible deniability. No doubt Twilight’s intention was that I would find it if I had borrowed the anatomy book to look up ‘naughty bits’. I was above such childish nonsense and I didn’t want Twilight thinking otherwise! I was still a bit nervous. With Twilight’s eidetic memory she could probably remember the exact lines of text that the edges of the pamphlet cut off and I hadn’t paid enough attention when I removed it to place it with that level of accuracy.

Skimming through the rest of Graymane’s Anatomy it was just as dry and specific to the locations and physical descriptions of organs rather than their functions as the seldom opened copy of Gray’s Anatomy I had in my apartment back in the human world. The illustrations were incredibly detailed however, and sometimes a little disturbing when you remembered that the sketches were drawn by someone witnessing an actual human dissection.

It was interesting to learn that ponies had eye plates rather than eye balls, and that non-pegasi had the same bones found in pegasi wings; internally in the form of tiny vestigial bones that flanked their spinal column. At a certain point of foetal development, appropriately known as the pseudo-alicorn stage, both the wings and the hole in the skull where the horn would form on a unicorn were present in all ponies. These and innumerable other facts I was able to extract from the dense paragraphs of text were strands of spaghetti thrown against the refrigerator that was my mind.

Frustratingly, I couldn’t take notes. I could make letters on a page, but the amount of time it took to ensure they were legible reduced my writing speed to only a few characters per minute. And they still looked like they were drawn by a five year old. The taste of wood and graphite in my mouth didn’t help. I’d seen other ponies writing with their mouth so there must be something to it. Making the decision easier was the fact I couldn’t hold a pencil in my hoof and keep it steady while I pressed it against the paper.

I tore a piece of lined notebook paper Applejack had given me into vaguely rectangular pieces to use as bookmarks, and, with great effort, wrote a number on each one. Then I started writing acronyms on a second page. I didn’t bother numbering them, I just put one on each line so that the line number was the same as the bookmark number it corresponded to. I read the section of text that contained the part I wanted to remember, put it in my own works and recited them out loud, then I wrote out an acronym for the key words in the section, closed the book and said it again while looking at the acronym. Concepts that were linked got arrows that pointed from one acronym to another. Soon enough, the paper was a complete mess of seemingly random letters and connecting arrows that it would take a codebreaker to decipher.

I felt like I was back in college again. The good part, where I could study new subjects; that first rush of excitement when everything starts to ‘click’ and you’re making connections to information you already know. In my youth, I’d read everything I could get my hands on. It was my dream to know everything. A childish dream. Inevitably, I hit a wall. There was too much knowledge in the world for any one person to know, and the higher levels of each field were frustratingly unintuitive and esoteric. Now, though, I had entirely new fields to study, and I could enjoy the excitement of discovery all over again.

I wrote the letter ‘A’ at the top of the page and underlined it. Alright, enough anatomy for now. I’d go back tomorrow and see how much I could remember before flipping back to my bookmarks to reread the relevant sections.

I really should have tried to read the history book first if I was going to be a proper anthropologist. It would have been the best way to put everything I was learning into the proper context, but... I just didn’t want to. I’d get to it eventually. Instead I pulled out the book on magical theory.

The book was titled “The Modern Mage”. The first chapter was on Thaumatology, which I remembered was the name of a department in the hospital.

Introduction

Magic is a topic that is seldom considered by the average pony. Magic simply does what it is supposed to do. A pony needn’t think about how the magic they use in everyday life is channeled any more than they need to understand the structure of their legs in order to walk, but just as athletes benefit from an understanding of their physiology, a mage will be better able to hone their craft when they have an understanding of thaumatology.

Mana Pool

A pony’s mana pool is not a physical organ. There is an area in the center of the chest with a greater density of thaumic pathways which gives the perception that mana is pulled from the chest, but in fact mana is stored throughout the body.

Mana pool is a measure of a pony’s ability to store magic. A pony’s mana pool naturally expands as they grow to adulthood, but it cannot be trained. The ability of an experienced mage to cast more powerful spells in quick succession than a novice with a similar mana pool is the result of greater casting efficiency due to better mana shaping skills, and by more disciplined mana assimilation.

Thaumic pathways

In the simplest terms, thaumic pathways are a body system that allows the rapid transfer of mana from one part of the body to another. Disruptions to the thaumic pathways not only impair the ability of a pony to draw mana from the affected area, but completely nullify the ability to shape mana with any foci distal to the point of disruption.

At the bottom of the page on Thaumic pathways there was a diagram of a pony with lines that looked similar to the circulatory system with the distinction that it wasn’t a loop there was no return path, instead the thaumic pathways became smaller and smaller branches until they were too small to be illustrated.

Magical Foci

The most obvious and versatile magical focus is a unicorn’s horn, but magical focus describes any part of a pony’s body that can be used to shape mana. The wings of a pegasus and the hooves of all three tribes can act as foci, but the ability of such foci to shape mana into novel spells is absent or at least severely limited. In theory, any part of the body can be used as a focus, but in practice such experimentation is purely academic and has no practical application.

A unicorn’s horn is uniquely suited for novel mana shaping due to its close integration with the caster’s brain. While a unicorn’s neurons do not extend into the horn itself, the thaumic pathways that channel mana to the horn pass through the brain forming a dense knot within the frontal cortex. The core of a unicorn’s horn is highly enervated, but protected by a dense layer of keratin. Contrary to popular folklore, the keratin in a unicorn’s horn possesses no magical properties of its own. The use of horn shavings in potions and rituals is purely superstition and does not enhance their efficacy.

Ambient Mana

As with any living creature, ponies cannot survive without magic suffusing their bodies. Fortunately, ponies are endo-thaumic, which means they can generate and maintain their own magic field. As a result, ponies can live almost anywhere. This is in contrast to ecto-thaumic creatures, such as Timber Wolves, which rely on ambient magic to maintain their life essence. Ecto-thaums can only survive in areas with a sufficiently high ambient magic level.

Endo-thaums are not capable of directly utilizing raw mana from their environment. When mana is drawn from an external source it must be assimilated into their own mana pool before it can be used. An endo-thaum’s internal magic field will repel magic that is not attuned to them, forcing raw magic into the body can cause serious injury.

My page of notes was getting cramped, I flipped the page to the back for more room.

Magical Exhaustion

Under normal circumstances, pain and fatigue prevent a pony from draining their mana pool below the level necessary to maintain their vital bodily functions. The fatigue ponies feel when approaching this level is often colloquially referred to as magical exhaustion. In medical terms, this is not accurate. For the purpose of clarity, actual magical exhaustion will be referred to hereafter as Clinical Magical Exhaustion.

With enough stubborn determination, or when placed in mortal peril, it is possible for a caster to push through the limits of their pain and fatigue and face Clinical Magical Exhaustion. CME is debilitating and in extreme cases it can result in permanent injury or death. The risk of CME can be greatly increased by the use of certain illicit and prescription drugs. If you are taking any medications a physician should be consulted before engaging in high yield casting exercises.

The biological mechanism by which CME causes harm differs depending on location. In a high magical environment, reducing a pony’s internal magic pressure below ambient results in raw mana being involuntarily drawn into their body leading to acute mana poisoning. In a low magical environment a pony’s biological functions will begin to fail as there is insufficient magic to maintain cellular respiration.

CME may also be a symptom of several rare medical conditions, but that is outside the scope of this text. If you believe you or somepony else may be experiencing CME, emergency medical care should be sought immediately.

A knock at the door dragged me out of the intense focus. What was I just thinking about, it was important but...ugh. I closed my eyes and tried to reconstruct my train of thought but it slipped away and now all I could think about was why someone was interrupting me.

Applejack was standing in the doorway with a kind look on her face and I felt a little bad for being cross with her.

“Did you need some help?” I asked

Applejack chuckled.

“Ah’m fine, Sweetpea,” She said, “But y’all need to be gettin’ off ta bed. It’s a school night.”

“But I don’t go to school.”

“Maybe not, but ya still need yer sleep.”

I almost protested that I wasn’t tired but I had to stifle a yawn at the mere mention of sleep, so I figured there was no point in denying the obvious.

“Yer books will still be here in the mornin’.”

The weight of my head on the pillow confirmed that I was indeed, very tired. It had been a long day but, for the first time since I arrived in Equestria, I was eager for tomorrow.

Author's Note:

Thanks to celebrity guest editor K.K. Slider author of the popular fanfiction Changeling Expectations, for help with this chapter.

Art by Scoundrel Scaramouche

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