• Member Since 18th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Robipony


The man who likes ponies but also likes monsters... so what's wrong with him combining the two? ;P

T

T is for Train, if by chance you see a train, don't feel bad to relieve the pain, but be careful not to offend, otherwise your journey might meet a bitter end.

White Whistle is the conductor for the Sol Treader, a train with tracks moving from the frozen Crystal Wastes to the north to the Equestrian wasteland to the south. With his brother, Cold Coal serving as the train's engineer, Whistle and the train leave the town of Gemstock for the town of Cryptmane. However, when a stowaway is uncovered onboard, everything starts to go wrong.


I created this story for the ABC: Dangers of the Wasteland challenge for the Fallout: Equestria group.

If you enjoy this story and the setting it provides please let me know. Perhaps if enough people like it, I will actually make it into a longfic. :twilightsmile:

WeaponPrime did some prereading and editing for me. :scootangel:

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 5 )

Hey! I got a mention! :D

10148904 I mean you helped me, so it would be rude not to. :twilightsmile:

I’ve read your post about wanting feedback and whether or not to turn this one-shot into a longer story. So I decided to add my two cents.

First off all, I don’t think this story necessarily needs to be first person. Yes FO:E did it and a lot of writers want to follow the leader, but it’s not a requirement. If you want to write the complete story from Whistle’s POV then go for it. But don’t just do it because FO: E did it. Otherwise you have to turn your protagonist into a lesbian mare who murders dozens of raiders while crying about how killing is bad. :twilightsheepish:

As for the story itself: I could defiantly imagine this chapter as the beginning of a larger story or a bunch of short stories about the adventures of the crew of the Sol-Treader Express. There are several interesting plot hooks and stuff than can be fleshed out.

Gold Hoof probably still wants his prophetic moth mare and the fact that the Sol-Treader’s killed a bunch of his men made things worse. So we already have a villain who has a good reason to cross path with your heroes. Sure slavers/raiders are the default villains of this setting, but there's nothing wrong with that. Not every FO:E protagonist needs to deal with Goddesses, Star monsters or evil conspiracies. :raritywink:

I also like the idea that the train is actually sort of abomination whose engines must never go cold or really bad things will happen. We could learn more about the backstory and the curse. Or they could weaponries the engine in a really desperate situation when they’re surrender by enemies. Not to mention the additional danger this unstable engine adds to the story. There’s also something ironic about the train who provides them with a steady source of income and keeps them alive could just as easily be their grave.

But I’ve to ask something: Do they specifically need to feed corpses to the train or doesn’t it matte what they use as long as it burns? In the former case, I could imagine getting enough corpses being pretty hard. Especially since neither Coal nor Whistle are the kind of ponies who would murder others in cold blood

Speaking of Coal and Whistle, we certainly have a bunch of interesting characters in this story. Coal is clearly the more pragmatic one, while Whistle wants to do the right thing, even if it’s a bad idea. Like endangering their passengers and pissing off a powerful gang leader. :pinkiehappy: Then we have Fog Lantern, a member of an exotic species who has a prophetic gift and is wanted by the villain. Throw in the rail benders and we already have a full party than can easily be fleshed out with lots of potential for conflicts and heart wrenching moments.

Having the story take place on a moving train also provides us with a very unique setting. If this ends up becoming an on-going story, I hope the focus remains on the train and its crew. Obviously they have to visit settlements and other places outside of the train, but it would be a shame if the train would be reduces to a convenient method to quickly travel from one plot point to another.

Tl;dr version: I would like to read more about these characters. There’s defiantly enough interesting stuff to turn this into a bigger story.

10153048 I had originally intended for it to be first person (its kind of something that I want to try out more), but it was explained to me that the ABC Dangers of the Wasteland are technically tales being told by a teacher to a classroom of students, so it made since to have it be third person.

So for the engine, I guess I haven't explained it too well, but to answer the question, corpses aren't a necessary fuel source. While it can stave off having the gauge drop to zero, corpses aren't needed as a fuel source. The gauge merely determines that the being within the engine doesn't break out and the trains movement increases the gauge.

Basically we are seeing the train on a low day. If they had managed to push on without any interruptions, they would have probably been able to push the gauge up and not have to worry about it dropping. Unfortunately, luck is not always on pony's sides in the wasteland. :raritywink:

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