• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Nytus


I draw OCs... I also pretend to be writing a fic, but let's be honest, I am never going to get past page ten. Oh... nevermind.

T
Source

Wendigos are such a nuisance. Because of those detestable monsters, the three southern pony tribes are at each other's throats and are utterly miserable.

We can't feed on that.

Luckily, there is a fourth tribe, far away in the frozen north. These so-called 'Crystal Ponies' surround their home in an aura of light and love, radiating from the largest love crystal in the world!

My name is Carina, and I am an Infiltrator sent to secure the Crystal Heart for my queen. Failure means the end of my hive. Failure is not an option.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 40 )

Honestly, as far as I can tell, you don't need an editor. You're good at spelling things correctly, your sentences are varied and interesting, and they flow rather nicely. Great job, interesting premise. Look forward to more, especially how you'll flesh out the dynamic between Double Time and Carina.

9673794
Thank you. I've worried about this story for a while and wasn't sure if I wanted to post it now or wait until I had a few additional chapters as a buffer.

This is actually the second iteration of this story in my head. The original version was set after the empire returned but the more I thought about it, the more I realized certain motivations would be more believable if Carina were not from the current era, so I scrapped it and started over. I am really enjoying this newer revision a lot. :twilightsmile:

I can't take all the credit though. I had a lot of help from Phoenix_Dragon (who, by the way, you should absolutely check out if you are unfamiliar with his works!) regarding the presentation. He really drilled it into me about show-don't-tell.

With his help, I literally went from this:

I stood at the crest of a snow-covered rise, going over everything I knew about this place in my head.

to this:

The bitterly cold wind stabbed at me, seeming to pierce my glossy chitin as I stood at the crest of a snow-covered rise. Below lay the Crystal Empire--I was finally here. Removing the weatherbeaten old saddlebag containing the few important items I possessed, I crouched down, built up a short windbreak out of packed snow and mentally went over everything I knew about this place in my head.

It would have been a far more boring story without his input. :twilightblush:

Glad to see this going up! I look forward to seeing where it goes :twilightsmile:

9674988

I hope I don't disappoint. :twilightsheepish:

Chapter two is coming along quicker than I thought and might even be ready early next week. I doubt I will be able to maintain that pace but I really am enjoying this a lot more than previous attempts to put words to paper. I suspect you are to blame for that. :twilightsmile:

9675020
Hey, if it helps even one other person enjoy writing, I'll gladly take the blame :twilightsmile:

The only thing remaining was to select a cutiemark. I’ve never seen the appeal of a tattoo that dictated your life, but they held significance for ponies, so some degree of thought had to be put into it. I kept coming back to the idea of a circle, split between two colors, mixing truth and fiction together in an everflowing duality, so that is what I settled on. One half of the circle I made green, to symbolize one of the most common pony coat colors up here, and the other half was a dark grey, the color of changeling chitin.

... Uhhhhhhh... she does know the whole point of infiltration is to be inconspicuous, right...? It's admittedly obscure, but still, if you're a changeling and THAT'S your idea of a good cutie mark to give your changeling persona, you might as well go up to ponies and say "Hi! I'm a spy!" Seriously, just make it a nice flower or a piece of candy or something.

9695358
Well, in her defense, the threat of detection is as minimal as you can get. :twilightsheepish:

The Crystal Empire is north of what will become Equestria one day while the badlands (where her hive is) are to the south of that. It took her two months to travel that distance. Given the distance, lack of unicorns and lack of communication with the other pony tribes, Carina has almost nothing to fear in regard to exposure.

Had this been modern Equestria, or if magic was a factor that could be employed against her, you would be correct. Though, most changelings I have noticed maintain some nod to their true selves when making up a disguise rather than mimicking someone. It's usually green eyes, to match the color of their magic since most changelings prefer unicorn forms. Magic is hard to pass up when it is an option. :twilightsmile:

9695922
It's true that in canon, the changelings typically take on forms that are totally obvious if you know who they are. Chrysalis as Shutterbug was particularly egregious. The only explanation I can give besides stupidity is that changelings are arrogant and enjoy fooling other ponies with as little effort as possible, which definitely seems to fit with what we know about them in the show.

9696630

I have a somewhat different view of changelings. Rather than saying ‘changelings are arrogant’, I prefer to think of them as adaptive. If their queen is arrogant, they take on that trait to curry her favor. If she happens to be cunning, intelligent or diplomatic, I would assume the drones of her hive would take on those traits as well.

Look at Chrysalis’ hive once Thorax took over. It didn’t take long for hundreds or even thousands of formerly-bloodthirsty love-draining swarms to start hosting feelings forums and pot luck dinners for each other. They took on Thorax’s traits as their leader.

I haven’t shared much about Carina’s queen yet. :raritywink:

9711619
Thank you. I am glad you’re enjoying it so far. :twilightblush:

The next chapter is taking me a little longer than I had hoped, so it might not be ready this week (especially considering tomorrow is the 4th of July), but I hope to have it ready early next week.

9722115
I appreciate it. I will. :twilightsmile:

I'm thoroughly enjoying this so far. But I must ask--is Carina male or female?

EDIT: Just got to a line where she refers to herself as female. I was confused because Warden called her "son".

9733838
Thank you. It is encouraging to know that it is still entertaining even though I struggled with the latest chapter.

Chapter four, in particular, has shown me where at least one of my weaknesses happens to be in storytelling. It is the shortest I’ve put out so far and took the longest amount of time to do so. I actually took a week off after posting it to work my way through how to use the next chapter or two to accomplish what I want (no spoilers). :twilightblush:

I hope to have the next chapter ready for Friday or Monday, depending on how quickly I can get it proofread once I finish it.

9733765
Warden called Carina ‘son’ while she was transformed.
In her natural changeling body, Carina is indeed female.
In her disguise as ‘Headway’ among Warden and Double Time, she is physically male. The others don’t know Headway is only a disguise, and therefore don’t know she is actually female.

Changeling pronouns can get complicated. I will try to make it a little clearer what gender she is physically when she takes a new form. :twilightblush:

9734250
Thank you for explaining! I am loving your story and eagerly await more.

Alright! I'm finally caught up. Apologies for being such a laggard. Got to say, I'm loving it thus far.

Okay, now I'm really caught up. I eagerly await the next chapter.

9773618
Glad to have you along for the ride. Strap in, because the next few chapters are gonna get bumpy.

Right... so, sorry folks about the delay on the next chapter. As I write this quick little message I am still only around 800 words into chapter seven.

:facehoof:

I promise I haven't forgotten about Carina. The past few weeks have been a series of minor issues compounding into a bigger overall time sink that's been keeping me away from the story. Add in a small amount of writer's block regarding how to best describe an event which I can see in my head and put into horse words that you will find entertaining (and more importantly, not rushed)... and it's been slow going.

Bear with me. It's coming. Next week... I think.

:twilightblush:

9817976
Forgive my delays, I am trying. :fluttershysad:

Real-life has hit me pretty hard this past couple of weeks. I don't want to toggle that hiatus flag, but updates might be slower. :raritydespair:

My mindset just isn't right for telling this story right now, so I am really struggling with it. I would rather make the call to not write on a given day than to put something out there that has been influenced by stress. As I type this, I am still only at 1800 words and not even halfway through what I want to include in this chapter.

:unsuresweetie:

In consolation, here's a short aside from the narrator (Carina) that will appear in the next chapter.

In hindsight, looking back at their arrival, it still surprises me just how many world-altering events can take place in such a short amount of time.

The three days that followed are among the hardest that I’d ever had to face, before or since.

9825266
Don't worry 'bout it mate! I can wait, just post whenever ya feel like it alright?

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?

10078852
A thought-provoking question. :twilightsheepish: I have a picture in my head, so to speak, of what they each sound like, but it is difficult to describe or equate to an actor. Obviously, I don't want to override anybody's headcanon if they have a particular voice for the characters in their head. That is the nice thing about literature. You don't have to worry about poor casting choices, everyone sounds exactly as you think they should in your own head as you read along.

That said, since you asked, I will try to describe the voices in my head... I mean, you know, not those voices. The characters in my story (I'd never tell you what those voices sound like). :pinkiecrazy:

I picture Warden with a somewhat tired, wise and kind voice. Somewhere between Tommy Lee Jones and Morgan Freeman. Neither of those is exactly right, but they are the best I can come up with as examples.

I picture Double Time with an innocent voice, full of curiosity and trying to be adult but quick to add a whimper under it all at times. Something like Kaitlyn Dias (Riley from Inside Out).

Carina is a special case. She has multiple disguises with different personalities (or rather, she will have, by the time I get around to telling the rest of her story). In her natural form, I could see her having a voice similar to Katie Sackoff (Starbuck from BSG, specifically).

I am sure I could come up with much better examples given more time to think about it, but that should give a decent idea to start from.

im curious are you basing sombra defeat of the old fan video

Spoiler Warning
For those who don't reveal spoiler blocks, be warned this comment and the one below it should also be avoided until after you read the chapter.

By this point, I doubt it is a surprise to anyone, but you never know. The narration at the very top of chapter one flat-out tells you what is going on in this chapter. :twilightblush:

10079666
That'd be the one. I gave proper credit in the foreword at the beginning of the chapter.

10079864
ha ha i must have skipped that without realizing

Wooooooo! New chapter! Thank you Nytus, I really appreciate it, I've had nothing to read in ages.

Hope you are doing well. Your story has been in my favourite list for what feels like a year now, hoping it is not dead

10080078
I'm glad to see you haven't forgotten about me. :twilightsheepish:

Don't hold back. I am out of practice and in a different place (both physically and mentally) than I was when I wrote the first half of the story, so if you catch inconsistencies in either continuity or personalities, please don't feel bad about calling me out on it. I really do want to finish this story, but I also want to be sure I am delivering the same quality I was before.


10080084
I am in a much better place today than I was back in September, thank you. I hope to continue entertaining you guys with my horse words, but it has been difficult to find the motivation to write. Previously, I wrote from my office at work while killing time between customers, but now that my store is out of business and I am working for someone else, I no longer have that luxury. It's been hard setting time aside to write at home.

so look like she got caught in Empire jump through time

10100459
It sure looks that way. :twilightsmile: With so many events happening 'one thousand years ago', it always seemed strange that so few authors took advantage of the canon backstory to blend a few of them together.

Wendigos caused the ponies to produce less love, forcing the changelings of that time to seek food in the empire... which had been conquered by Sombra. It was right around this time that the first Hearths Warming happened and the royal sisters arrived to unite the three tribes and defeat Sombra which time-jumps the empire into present day, where Spike recovers the Crystal Heart just a few days later causing the aurora which could be seen from Canterlot.

From our perspective, all of these events happened over a rather long period of time, but to anypony who happened to be in the Crystal Empire when it vanished, all of this would have happened in roughly a week. :pinkiecrazy:

Shortly after the battle with Sombra, the sisters would have discovered the elements, built the Castle of the Two Sisters, defeated Discord, briefly ruled Equestria together then Celestia banished Nightmare Moon. Realistically, finding the elements and defeating Discord should happen before the founding of Equestria, which also means before the wendigos, but they clearly have crowns and the elements already when they turn Discord into a garden statue.

But yeah, considering how Carina reacted to seeing a train for the first time, I wonder how bad the rest of her culture shock will be? :pinkiegasp:

Of course, that might not be the most pressing issue she faces right now. :twilightoops:

Hope you're doing alright mate!

10277313
I am getting by. I've had a small string of set-backs lately and have had a difficult time putting myself into a writing mood.

I have around three thousand words done for the next chapter, but am nowhere close to the point that I want to end the chapter on yet. If you want to look on the bright side, that probably means it will be a pretty beefy one once I am done.

I have a clear timeline written down about what I want in each chapter, but right now I would estimate being around ten thousand words behind my desired pace. On top of that, I wrote myself into a corner just a bit; I don't have the knowledge or skill level that Carina does, so that makes writing her next move tricky.
:twilightblush:

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