• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Nytus


I draw OCs... I also pretend to be writing a fic, but let's be honest... I am never going to get past page ten.

T
Source

Wendigos are such a nuisance. Because of those detestable monsters, the three southern pony tribes are at each other's throats and are utterly miserable.

We can't feed on that.

Luckily, there is a fourth tribe, far away in the frozen north. These so-called 'Crystal Ponies' surround their home in an aura of light and love, radiating from the largest love crystal in the world!

My name is Carina, and I am an Infiltrator sent to secure the Crystal Heart for my queen. Failure means the end of my hive. Failure is not an option.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 5 )

Honestly, as far as I can tell, you don't need an editor. You're good at spelling things correctly, your sentences are varied and interesting, and they flow rather nicely. Great job, interesting premise. Look forward to more, especially how you'll flesh out the dynamic between Double Time and Carina.

9673794
Thank you. I've worried about this story for a while and wasn't sure if I wanted to post it now or wait until I had a few additional chapters as a buffer.

This is actually the second iteration of this story in my head. The original version was set after the empire returned but the more I thought about it, the more I realized certain motivations would be more believable if Carina were not from the current era, so I scrapped it and started over. I am really enjoying this newer revision a lot. :twilightsmile:

I can't take all the credit though. I had a lot of help from Phoenix_Dragon (who, by the way, you should absolutely check out if you are unfamiliar with his works!) regarding the presentation. He really drilled it into me about show-don't-tell.

With his help, I literally went from this:

I stood at the crest of a snow-covered rise, going over everything I knew about this place in my head.

to this:

The bitterly cold wind stabbed at me, seeming to pierce my glossy chitin as I stood at the crest of a snow-covered rise. Below lay the Crystal Empire--I was finally here. Removing the weatherbeaten old saddlebag containing the few important items I possessed, I crouched down, built up a short windbreak out of packed snow and mentally went over everything I knew about this place in my head.

It would have been a far more boring story without his input. :twilightblush:

Glad to see this going up! I look forward to seeing where it goes :twilightsmile:

9674988

I hope I don't disappoint. :twilightsheepish:

Chapter two is coming along quicker than I thought and might even be ready early next week. I doubt I will be able to maintain that pace but I really am enjoying this a lot more than previous attempts to put words to paper. I suspect you are to blame for that. :twilightsmile:

9675020
Hey, if it helps even one other person enjoy writing, I'll gladly take the blame :twilightsmile:

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