Night Clerk Whooves

by No one is home

Awkward Conversations

“I’m not going back!” Grey mare’s eyes can align properly, it turns out. At least they can when a filly presses a gun to the back of her head. “Even I can’t miss from this close.”

Well we can add, “Tell Diane to search missy for hold out weapons,” to the list of things I forgot to think about. If I’m being honest I’m not having the best week of night clerking. Why did I take a job in an irradiated Equestrian wasteland? Sure, the pay is decent, and the shifts are interesting, but then your boss turns out to be a cannibal and you accidently foal-nap a psychotic filly. Or maybe that’s just me.

“Now, miss…” And my oh so glorious step brother messes up her name. I mean honestly, that’s why I gave her a name tag. And the tag itself is slightly psychic, so there’s really no excuse.

“It’s MISSY! Missy Shots! How could you not remember that? I even have a name tag!” See the filly even get’s it. “I’m not going back there! Not ever! How can you show me somewhere that’s green and alive and not poisoned and then tell me I have to go back there?!”

“B-but, you have parents, a family that loves you… misses you.” My step brother’s cross eyed companion pleads pretty calmly for having a gun to her head. She’d make a good night clerk.

“Is that what you think? Who do you think put me in a bomb vest?” I’m honestly shocked at her vitriol. “I followed a random night clerk to get away from everything there. Honestly I thought he was likely just a weirdo with a dump truck, but snogging some weirdo for a ride was better than staying where I was! Then I find out he just wanted to drop me off with you wankers!”

“Missy… I just wanted to put you in a good spot.” I explain in my calmest, most rational words. “Me and Diane don’t exactly live the most stable of lives.”

“Yes, you live in places like I come from, just on a lark!” I can see tears in her eyes, and it hurts, because she’s not wrong. “You always had the choice to leave. I wasn’t there on a lark! I didn’’t have a choice to just leave! You can’t give me that and then take it away!”

The hum of a sonic tool, but not mine pierces the air. “Missy, lass, nopony here is going to force you to go anywhere you don’t want to.”

“And you shouldn’t have to ‘snog’ with anypony just to get away.” I’m pretty one of her eyes is looking at me on purpose. The other is looking across the street. That is fascinating and I am fascinated. Does she have chameleon eyes?

“It’s not like that!” My huff expresses genuine exasperation. “Okay, I made some mistakes! I probably asked less questions than I should have! At no point was anypony at all inappropriate with Missy!”

“You’re time machine stripped me naked and forcibly bathed me!” Missy fumes in righteous indignation.

“Firstly Diane is not a pony.” I helpfully point out. “Secondly… she does that sometimes, you get used to it.”

“The horror!” The Doctor’s rose colored mare-companion just passes out on the spot.

“She does that sometimes.” My step brother and his cross-eyed companion say at the same time.

“I can’t bail you out on this, brother.” He’s using the ‘sad doctor’ voice. That never means good news. “You can’t just set her loose on any odd world as she is. She’s dangerous, not only to the populace at large, but potentially to herself. And it would be cruel to take her back where you found her. She’s your companion now. You have to make this right.”

He’s being really reasonable, I know it looks that way. “Like I just always ask you to bail me out, Mr. La De Da, ‘I have a time lord PHD’?! ONE of us got a job! The other one stole a TARDIS from a museum and went off chasing space whales, or whatever it is you do! And yet somehow YOU’RE the responsible one!?”

“You abandoned your responsibility as a Time Lord to go play at being a late night sales clerk!” And my brother just said the magic words, and It. Is. On.

“Responsible Time Lords like you started the time war.” Every other problem is gone now. This is why I hate visiting my brother. It always comes down to this. “Responsible Time lords like you personally destroyed our home planet. Do you know who didn’t destroy our home planet? The Master. Or Mistress? Does she still go by ‘Missy’, because that’s going to get confusing?”

“Do they always do this?” Missy asks in the background.

“This is the first time I’ve met your time lord… but yeah, the Doctor does this a lot.” The cross-eyed mare sighs. “You know you’re gun is useless, right? You could stop pointing it at my head.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen how those sonic sticks work. But we had such a great hostage dynamic going. I didn’t want to let it go. You what they say, a hostage is a friend who doesn’t have a choice.” Okay, maybe my brother has a point about her…

Author's Note:

The Night Clerk is back.

Comments

[Draco Dei]

Glad to see.this back!
...I still want to know what would be so specific about the harem if it existed...