Night Clerk Whooves

by No one is home

Smaller on the Outside

“This is amazing!” She’s a dull shade of teal, and gods of the daleks, she IS just a filly. Amazing the things you notice when a pony isn’t pointing a gun at your head.

“Yes, well Gallopfrey technology being what it is, my girl is basically a series of pocket dimensions held together by…” I’m proud of Diane. She’s not a top of the line Tardis, but I was well on my way to paying her off when the planet got destroyed. I didn’t steal her like some…

“Your time machine really is a garbage truck!” Okay, that was just unnecessary.

“That’s it, you filthy larvae!” Dammit, not even five seconds and she’s already pissed off Diane. “You’re getting the industrial scrubdown, right now!”

“Hey! Help! I’m being foal napped by a robot dump-truck!” Honestly, does she think I can help?

“Is it really necessary to cart her to the sanitizer with the graspers, Diane?” I try to reason with her, really I do.

“Yes,” Diane snaps back, “Yes it is! She has the nerve to call MY interior messy? Look at her! She hasn’t bathed in weeks and she’s mildly radioactive!”

“Fair point,” I nod absently, “Sorry, but your just gonna have to go with it and learn to be more polite to Diane. I mean, she provides us with a six dimensional living space and means of transportation.”

“And I’m damn sexy, to boot!” Because dammit, I gave the Doctor a ride ONE time, and he puts these ideas in her head. Not everypony wants to make things weird with their TARDIS.

“I’m being foalnapped by a mad stallion and a perverted-robot-dump-truck!” My new assistant screams helplessly as she’s carted off to her squeaky clean fate.

-=-=-=-=-

“Oh dear,” the brown earth pony stallion muttered.

“One of you things went ‘ding’,” Ditzy Muffins Hooves pointed out helpfully.

“That’s the Time Lord Detector… is The Master in our universe?” Roseluck Queried.

“Oooo, Missy’s visiting again?” Ditzy perked up.

“No..it’s the OTHER, other bloody Time Lord, it’s The Night Clerk…” The Doctor sighed.

“Wait The Night Clerk is who, exactly?” Roseluck cocked her head to one side curiously.

“Really, Rose?” The Doctor deadpanned.

“Seriously, There’s a Time Lord whose destiny is to be the Night Clerk of the multiversiverse?” Ditsy confusedly inquired while wandering in mid air in a tangle of wires.

“It’s not that simple,” The Doctor pleaded for mercy from his companions. “He’s my stepbrother. What? It’s a perfectly normal thing to have a step brother.”

“So he’s probably here to borrow money?” RoseLuck deadpanned.

“It’s more complicated than that,” The Doctor sighed.

“So he probably also needs a place to stay for a while?” Derpy queried with a curious cock of the head.

-=-=-=-=-

“So why’s it look like a dump truck?” The young mare, inquired once we had both unstinkified ourselves from the Equestrian Wasteland.

“My name is Diane, Missy!” My tardis replies in her sassiest voice.

“Well it’s not like you ever use MY name! Neither of you have even asked my name!” My pint sized assistant fires back. I swear she looked way taller than that when she was pointing a gun at me…

“That’s because you need a slightly psychic name tag.” Why didn’t I think of that sooner?

“Okay, now two questions,” the filly replies, “Why’s Diane look like a dump truck, and what in tartarus is a slightly psychic name tag?”

“Diane? If you would explain your half of that question, I need to see if we have a subliminally generic work vest in her size.” I pass the buck and go about looking for the things.

-=-=-=-=-

“So…” The filly expositions, because of course she does, “The first place you parked was a garbage dump? So you’re always disguised as a garbage truck, now? I’m sorry but that’s funny.”

“Yes, I am stuck in this indigenous shape because that’s where I started,” Diane grouses, predictably, “Would you like to go back to how we found you? I CAN reverse the showers…”

“I’m sorry, but, you know it’s funny!” The filly laughs, and I gotta admit she’s got a point. “And what are you gonna do? Make me stink up your interior again?”

“Night Clerk!” Diane pleades in vain.

“Sorry, girl, but she got ya.” The chuckle just comes out, all natural like. “She got ya fair and square. Filly earned her name tag. What’s your name?”

“I’ve been calling her Missy this whole time,” My lovely assistant/faithful steed states flatly.

“Wait… that’s actually her name?” I’m… actually incredulous.

“Wait… you weren’t just calling me that?” Apparently the filly apparently named Missy didn’t see that coming either.

“I’m good at naming things.” Diane quips, and it’s kinda hard to argue that…

“Your name tag means you work there,” I try to explain, with limited success, “‘There being where-ever you are at the time.”

“We can’t just drop her off.” Dammit Diane,again, THIS is why speech interface never caught on.

“We’re NOT just ‘dropping her off’, Diane!” I feel bad that she’s right there. “We’re gonna leave her with the Doctor. You know… my brother from another set of parents entirely?!?! He’s got a good track record.”

“Wait, you’re planning on dumping me off with you brother?” Okay, Missy is annoyed, and that’s to be expected.

“Step brother, you missed the ‘from another set of parents entirely’ part.” I don’t know why I think that makes it better. “Trust me, he’s a doctor. Not sure what he’s a doctor of, really, but that’s beside the point. He has a residence in a baseline Equestria. And he’s respectable enough people won’t ask weird questions if he’s got an underage filly following him around.”

“Wow, Nighty, you actually made some pretty good points.” And of course now Diane comes to my “defense”. Stupid sass talking TARDIS.

-=-=-=-=-

“Doctor?” Ditzy’s eyes crossed at random as she winced. “Why is that TARDIS that’s shaped like a dump truck playing dubstep?”

“Because my step brother thought it would camouflage the sound of his TARDIS entering proper space time.” The Doctor sighed heavily, shaking his head in annoyance.

“Heh,actually, it kinda works.” RoseLuck grinned. “If I didn’t know to expect a TARDIS I’d just assume Vinyl was throwing another mobile rave.”

“Let’s just get this over with,” the earth pony time lord replied as he steeled himself for the impending awkward reunion.

Comments

[Daremo]

igdigneous shape - indigenous shape

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Great chapter Ki!

I'm happy to see this continuing!