• Member Since 19th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago


Pony Author, Writer of Foal Stories, Storyteller, Equestrian Analyzer and occasional Pony Artist. You can support the stories I tell on Patreon to get nice rewards or tip me on Ko-fi (LINKS BELOW).

Comments ( 39 )

Aegis. Also a high tech integrated sensor and weapons system used by the Navy.


Sounds Good so far. Good Work with the Accent too. I always struggled with applejack's and Apple Bloom's Accent in my Stories, and so did i with babs.


Good to know, but I don't think we will operate on that level of technology here. :twilightsheepish: The powers at work here are of a more mystical kind.

How do you get along with the accent?


Thanks.^^ How do the dialogues work for you? Do you get along with them well or do you have trouble understanding what is said, especially from Fast Bun and Curtain Call?

I can understand them, just Writing them is hard if you are not familiar with it.


Good. I will collect some more feedback on this and if many have problems, I'll offer an accent-reduced alternative.

How do you get along with the accent?

Not sure what you mean by this.


The Manehattan accent the foals speak in my story. I was under the impression you read it.


By implication, yes. The first meaning assigned to the word is "shield" (based on some old Greek myth) or "protection". However, today, it is also used as a different word for "custody", "patronage" and "care", among other things.
A parent who has custody of a child is in care of this child, so there's a relationship between these words that I utilized for this story.


Not good!:twilightoops: The guard, I guess he's dead.


Indeed. With what happens next for each of them, there won't be any good things coming.

Oh dear...:fluttershyouch: makes You hope its just a Nightmare. But Great Work


An "Oh, dear" reaction, that's what I waited to see after the extreme chapters. :pinkiecrazy: Just sad that not more read this story, I'd really like to see more reactions on my first grimdark story.

Yeah. It appears Fimfiction's on the Friz again, I never got notified about your replies. But really, i makes you hope they all survive at the end, being just a terrible nightmare.



This comment got to be one of the best reactions I ever received on a fic I wrote. :rainbowlaugh: Yes, I'm doing alright.^^ Was always planned as an extreme story, so I went and wrote extreme stuff.^^

Uh huh. I was just a bit worried as Rape isn't your type and it really looked like you had lost it. No offense.

Still, great work on the detail.


So the chapter has fulfilled its purpose, to scare and to frighten. This is making my Nightmare Night, thank you for letting me go to sleep with the satisfaction that I reached my goal with this chapter. The perfect way to end Nightmare Night this year!


Babs is already a foal, yes. However, in this story, she is younger. From what we've seen in the show and official comics, Babs is about the same age as Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. But the events of this story are supposed to have happened two years before Twilight moved to Ponyville, so all foals in this story, including Babs, are about five years old at this point in time.


Perhaps. Starving to death and killing your own mother with an axe after she chased you and tried to rape you are pretty strong contenders for the first place of gruesome, traumatic nightmares, though.
Thanks for reading!

Indeed. I Speak From Experience as i Suffered a simliar Experience Once. No Nightmare like this but i dreamed Once i woke up restrained, Everything Dark and abandoned


Thanks. But I have reached the point where I unfortunately have to admit that this story sucks. I still like the idea, but I have by now realized that I botchered the execution completely. :facehoof: It reads bland and unexciting and nothing really falls together here. It could be more, but it isn't, because I rushed the writing of it out of sheer excitement for the idea. :facehoof: I can finally see now why it has so little views and why so few care about it. And I only keep writing it until the end because I vowed to finish each story I've started.
I don't like to say that, but as an author who wants to get good with his writing, I need to hold myself to a strict standard, even if it means that I have to say for the first time that a story of mine genuinely sucks. One day I'll be making a better approach to this idea and write the story again.

The Nightmare is finally over. Lets Hope they all Recover From the Trauma. Great Work!


Thank you! I have a feeling they will. :raritywink: Foals are strong.

Login or register to comment