• Member Since 19th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Fluttercheer


I have adopted all foals of Equestria and write stories about their lives. Help me feed them by supporting me on Patreon or Ko-fi!

Comments ( 38 )

Aegis. Also a high tech integrated sensor and weapons system used by the Navy.

Dreadnought

Sounds Good so far. Good Work with the Accent too. I always struggled with applejack's and Apple Bloom's Accent in my Stories, and so did i with babs.

9219072

Good to know, but I don't think we will operate on that level of technology here. :twilightsheepish: The powers at work here are of a more mystical kind.

How do you get along with the accent?

9219871

Thanks.^^ How do the dialogues work for you? Do you get along with them well or do you have trouble understanding what is said, especially from Fast Bun and Curtain Call?

9219903
I can understand them, just Writing them is hard if you are not familiar with it.

9219909

Good. I will collect some more feedback on this and if many have problems, I'll offer an accent-reduced alternative.

How do you get along with the accent?

Not sure what you mean by this.

9220112

The Manehattan accent the foals speak in my story. I was under the impression you read it.

9237493

By implication, yes. The first meaning assigned to the word is "shield" (based on some old Greek myth) or "protection". However, today, it is also used as a different word for "custody", "patronage" and "care", among other things.
A parent who has custody of a child is in care of this child, so there's a relationship between these words that I utilized for this story.

https://www.powerthesaurus.org/aegis

Not good!:twilightoops: The guard, I guess he's dead.

9238823

Indeed. With what happens next for each of them, there won't be any good things coming.

Oh dear...:fluttershyouch: makes You hope its just a Nightmare. But Great Work

9251790

An "Oh, dear" reaction, that's what I waited to see after the extreme chapters. :pinkiecrazy: Just sad that not more read this story, I'd really like to see more reactions on my first grimdark story.

9252279
Yeah. It appears Fimfiction's on the Friz again, I never got notified about your replies. But really, i makes you hope they all survive at the end, being just a terrible nightmare.

9264429

:rainbowlaugh:

This comment got to be one of the best reactions I ever received on a fic I wrote. :rainbowlaugh: Yes, I'm doing alright.^^ Was always planned as an extreme story, so I went and wrote extreme stuff.^^

9264901
Uh huh. I was just a bit worried as Rape isn't your type and it really looked like you had lost it. No offense.

Still, great work on the detail.

9264938

So the chapter has fulfilled its purpose, to scare and to frighten. This is making my Nightmare Night, thank you for letting me go to sleep with the satisfaction that I reached my goal with this chapter. The perfect way to end Nightmare Night this year!

9545642

Babs is already a foal, yes. However, in this story, she is younger. From what we've seen in the show and official comics, Babs is about the same age as Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. But the events of this story are supposed to have happened two years before Twilight moved to Ponyville, so all foals in this story, including Babs, are about five years old at this point in time.

9546340

Perhaps. Starving to death and killing your own mother with an axe after she chased you and tried to rape you are pretty strong contenders for the first place of gruesome, traumatic nightmares, though.
Thanks for reading!

9546362
Indeed. I Speak From Experience as i Suffered a simliar Experience Once. No Nightmare like this but i dreamed Once i woke up restrained, Everything Dark and abandoned

9731847

Thanks. But I have reached the point where I unfortunately have to admit that this story sucks. I still like the idea, but I have by now realized that I botchered the execution completely. :facehoof: It reads bland and unexciting and nothing really falls together here. It could be more, but it isn't, because I rushed the writing of it out of sheer excitement for the idea. :facehoof: I can finally see now why it has so little views and why so few care about it. And I only keep writing it until the end because I vowed to finish each story I've started.
I don't like to say that, but as an author who wants to get good with his writing, I need to hold myself to a strict standard, even if it means that I have to say for the first time that a story of mine genuinely sucks. One day I'll be making a better approach to this idea and write the story again.

The Nightmare is finally over. Lets Hope they all Recover From the Trauma. Great Work!

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