Still Better Than It Worked Out Here
"Boss! Boss! You'll never believe what I just got the palace to sign over!"
"...you went to the palace? The head of license acquisition tried to see the Princess on the day after the Return? -- wait. Don't tell me you just got the rights to the first toys made of Princess Luna? You're a miracle! First out of the starting gate! We're going to carry the Hearth's Warming hot list for the next decade! You just got us the world --"
"-- they wouldn't give me that."
"So what did you get?"
"We have exclusive rights to the first toys anypony can make of the Bearers!"
"...who?"
"So there's six mares."
"Right."
"Young ones? Pretty?"
"Well, they're all adults..."
"How's their demographics?"
"Two of each race."
"Perfect. But -- they're all over in Ponyville?"
"Afraid so. And the Princess said she doesn't want us dragging them to Canterlot. She wants them to have some... bonding time?"
"Fine: we'll just have to head out there for the photography sessions. How hard could it be to get them all together?"
"'This library is temporarily closed for dragon removal. Addendum: not the dragon who lives here. The one up on the mountain. Back soon.'"
"'The Carousel Boutique will reopen once the damage caused by the parasprites has been repaired. Also, if anypony happens to find any gem fragments among the excretions, please give them six hours of scrubbing and leave them at the back. Thanks ever so!'"
"'Zebra! Zebra! Everypony run! She's an evil enchantress and she'll make you do -- anyway, bakery closed! Bye!' So over the last six trips, exactly what have we learned here?"
"This is a weird town."
"True."
"And they like to post signs."
"...what do you mean, the yellow one didn't make it?"
"She's got a modeling job. Photo Finish is shooting her."
"We can't get her in front of a camera for two seconds before she streaks off for the horizon and now she's a model?"
"Well, at least the sculptors were able to work from what was in the magazines. So these are the first takes?"
"Actually... they're the pre-production sculpts."
"...the librarian is about two hoof-heights shorter than any of the others. The farmer is a trotting piledriver, the caretaker is a model, the weather coordinator practically has airflow when she's standing still, the baker needs to drop a tenth-bale, and the designer has more curves in her tail than the Las Pegasus Spiral."
"I saw the pictures --"
"-- so did I. Also, I've seen them. They are six very different mares. So why do all of these sculpts have the exact same body type?"
"Boss... do you know how much money we've spent, going back and forth to Ponyville? The equipment we lost when Discord turned it into free-range chickens? Chickens we never got back? We've been trying to put this together for more than a year now. We need to turn a profit on this. So that means we can't use the more complicated devices. It's going to be basic molding. Cookie-cutter. It's bad enough now that it's all three races and we've got to make sure the wings and horns are there on four of them."
"Well... I guess it'll look better once we add the real hair. And put in some jointing."
"...actually..."
"So you're the new hire. I heard you've got this idea for marketing the Bearer line? Because after all the delays we've had, we could use some ideas. Especially since we're now essentially selling cold-baked jointless lumps of clay."
"There was another delay?"
"My license acquisition expert turned out to be a changeling who was just trying to acquire information on the enemy. And it sort of mattered to the Guards that he was. ...I don't want to talk about it. What's your idea?"
"Two words: blind bags."
"...try more words."
"We put the toys in bags! No way to see what's inside! Oh, and we'll have some paper stuffed in there too, so nopony can feel what's inside! They don't know which Bearer they're getting until they open it!"
"You're expecting kids to buy toys sight unseen. Without knowing... is this a joke?"
"It encourages extra sales! Trading with friends!"
"Trading... okay, I can see that. Maybe it's not the worst idea. And if anypony says we're encouraging gambling, we'll just say it only takes buying six to have a reasonable chance of finishing."
"Actually... that leads to my other idea. We're doing twenty-four figures to a case, right?"
"That's the plan."
"So here's the distribution. First, Pinkie. She's one in twenty."
"...I just said twenty-four."
"No. She's a chase figure. She's one in every twenty cases! Now, to compensate, we'll be drowning the kids in Applejack --"
"-- get out."
"So we're doing basic Bearer information cards with the figures now?"
"They're cheap and it puts something else in the package. We've already printed off the first five thousand on each."
"Good. So can I ask you one question?"
"Sure."
"Who is 'Twifright Starkill'?"
"I sent pictures of the current designs to Ponyville."
"And?"
"Well, other than the usual twenty pages of complaints about unfair representation, inaccurate depictions, and Rarity's most recent manifesto on how there's no dress-up possibilities being offered to a tasteful buyer, for which she should naturally design the actual dresses?"
"Other than that."
"Either we finally agree to put the dragon in or Twilight's going to blast the factory into orbit."
"This has been the single most complicated line I've ever worked on. What's it been, nearly three years now? Three years of everything possible going wrong. Three years during which I'd normally expect to have paid for a failure, because the trend would have moved on. Nopony would care who they were any more. But you know something? It helped. It took that long just for most of Equestria to learn they existed. To care. And now, looking out over the shipping dock... knowing that all these beautiful boxes are just two days from being sent out... that the packaging is right, that finalized logo works, and that nopony else could make anything because we had the rights tied up... I'm starting to think it was worth it. Two more days, and all of those beautiful sealed boxes will be traveling all over the continent. Toys of the Bearers. It's the way kids will come to know them. And sure, they aren't the most accurate sculpts in the word, Pinkie's hair looks too much like Applejack's tail and some of Twilight's bangs came out as all-purple... but they're toys. Even if they aren't quite perfect, on some level, they still represent the Bearers as they are. Or at least the only way most kids will ever know them -- huh. Does anypony else hear... chanting? Like there's a lot of ponies singing the same thing over by the palace? I can't quite make the whole thing out. All I'm getting is 'cometh, behold, behold.' Somepony open a window? We'll find out what they're singing about."
"So... I know this is last-minute. Literally. I know you've been opening boxes for... yeah. 'For.' Let's leave it at that. And I also know the pickup carts are due in nine hours. So. In front of each workstation, you will find a pile of Twilight figures. Several thousand miniature wings. And glue. Let the supervisor know if you need more glue. Or water. Or a quick break to go out into the alley and scream. Because I'm using that and I'm going to need a minute to clear out for you. Just know that... this is nopony's fault. We did everything we could. And no matter what happens, at least this is the last of it. I checked the licensing agreement. We're only obligated to make two waves. So it's this, and then it'll be a carbon copy. After that, we're out. And it's not as if anything else could happen."
"Okay. Say that again, more slowly, and with extra words. Exactly what is 'Rainbow Power'?"
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Oh dear.
It always looks so much easier in those movies with Santa's workshop.
Is it me, or is this your shortest story yet? Simple, to the point, and pretty darn amusing. More like this, please?
OUCH you really feel for the manufacturer... They really shouldve held out for the rights to Luna toys
Ha!
Snrk. Well played.
And that last bit...
Hopefully this world doesn't contain a mirror portal.
9079572 I don't think something as ugly as a human would be marketable.
And for at least two of those three years, conventions were opening in Las Pegasus and Baltimare, where ponies sold hoof- and horn-crafted plushies. Lots and lots of adorable plushies.
You're expecting kids to buy the toys AFTER they've seen them.
Who's the crazy one here?
"I hate to say it, boss. But we've got a bunch of defective 'Rainbow Dash.' For some reason the dyes didn't take. Except yellow. So the body turned out grey, while the mane, tail, and eyes are yellow. What do you want us to do with them?"
"Ship them, without a card. Its not like that is a likely colour combination for a pegasus. I doubt we'll get sued."
"I swear, you change Celestia's coat color for marketability once and they never let you forget it."
"At least no one's asking us to make toys of the Ponyville conspiracy nuts."
"Hmm... not a bad idea, actually! Not just them, of course; toys of random townsfolk!"
"Action figures"
I wonder just how crazy Rainbow Dash and Rarity actually drove them with their requests? I mean 20% cooler for Rainbow Dash and all the dresses for Rarity, then again that would be a selling part for her.
This is a perfect example I think of the things that go on behind the scenes with toy companies. Maybe not 100% like this, but close enough.
Though if this is Hasbro that's shown here, I wonder how their action figures do in Equestria.
Okay, yeah, but where's the kung-fu action grip?
I'm not buying anything without it :-P
I know this one is standalone, but now I'm wondering how much more variant the Mane 6's body types are in the Continuum than we see onscreen (I do recall Twilight is indeed pretty runty, but my mental picture probably overcorrects that somewhat).
That sense of approaching doom when they heard the chanting, though.
Look on the bright side, at least they weren't making a Golden Oak Library playset. It's a lot easier to glue plastic wings onto a toy than turning a model of a tree into a giant crystal castle.
Quite funny. I'd be interested in seeing the Mane Six's reactions and whatnot.
And I can just see Scootaloo spending all her money on blind bags to get RD models.
9079887
Or, you can make it the Golden Oaks MEMORIAL Playset even easier.
Because they set fire to the production line while screaming incoherently.
At least they gained permission to make changeling figures.
Great antagonists for the Bearers, plus every single one of them is solid-black except for the eyes.
They'll be so cheap to make!
That is a wonderful description. Doesn't fit what we've seen but if we think of the show as a ficitonalized telling of their adventures... :D
This was a fun read.
Too bad they have codes printed on the bags that people have figured out indicate what figure is in what bag.
9079641
...and that's how Derpy was made!
9079567
“What do you mean, ‘She’s bigger now than when she returned, she’s turned dark blue, and her mane is now like Princess Celestia’s, except that it’s shades of blue and has stars twinkling in it’”?
9080360
Fucking WHAT?
HOLY SHIT THIS IS GOING TO SAVE ME SO MUCH CASH!
Also, author, do you mind if I steal your idea and make it much longer?
9080451
By all means. Take it and run with it. *cackles*
This will help you out.
9080479
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
I'm planning to collect every piece of FiM merchandise ever sold in any country at any time. Gonna be LOTS of eBay.
9080484
Especially considering wave 2 of the blind bags were "Europe only". And that the Luxury Lotus Spa playset never saw North American release (although some guy in the UK has a stockpile, don't know how. Be prepared for big bucks)
9080451
I just buy a sealed box from amazon, always able to get one of each figure that way.
Fab !
Twifright Starkill'? I lost it bad here.
9080700
I used to work at a toy store. In fact, I was the Action Figure Guy for all the collectors.
I can remember to this day the one which had every back saying "We are devoted oqualty(sic) products"
They weren't, not really.
I have that feeling this is what goes on behind the scenes at Hasbro.
9080542
I plan to become a neurosurgeon, so I'll have bucks to spend once I pay off the college debt I'll drown in.
9080889
Let me know how that goes. I'll ship you Ponyville Behind Glass at cost :P
i.imgur.com/WsRjb0y.jpg
That's why you make reality conform to your plans for the toy line, rather than the other way around.
9080889 I do perform brain surgery.
I'm not a neurosurgeon, however... this might explain the 100% mortality rate of my 'patients'...
9080421 But with Luna right there they might of gotten the toy out much sooner
9080976
Hoooly shit that is going to be a LOT of Styrofoam.
Also, I'm willing. Once I have the disposable cash, I'll hit you up.
9081197
Jesus Mary and Joseph.
9081327 *flips through a blood-stained notebook* Yes, they were in here last week... now they're out there... (points to 3 rather fresh mounds of earth in the creepy backyard in the NJ Pine Barrens... complete with glowing eyes peering from several bushes)
Don't worry about it. No one will like it and it will be forgotten before the next villain even shows up.
Respect to the boss here.
Interesting coincidence: just yesterday, I read a historical article in my newsfeed that described how that strategy massively backfired on McDonald's back in the '90s. The person in charge of the Monopoly contest stole all of the big winners for himself and his friends. The FBI eventually did track down everyone involved and the news was all abuzz about it... or they were about to be, but the day after the mastermind's trial started, some airplanes crashed into a pair of New York City skyscrapers, a five-sided building in D.C., and a Pennsylvania cornfield...
Yeah, people had more important issues on their minds after that. Thus, it's nearly forgotten.
This was totally fun. ^-^
Very enjoyable read, and funny. In their situation i almost would have wished for a Power Ponies liscense. I mean, no one ever changes comic book designs.
Twifright Starkill sounds like the name that got rejected for the protagonist of Star Horse.
9081422
I'm calling the police.
Or maybe the National Guard.
9082982 It's too late. I'm already... RIGHT BEHIND YOU, BLLAAAAAARG!!
(Pretty much how all creepypasta games work.)
9082992
You can't kill who's already dead!
MUAHAHAHAH!
9080700 That's actually close to legit. I've got a Soarin' that has a card identifying *her* as Spitfire, leader of the Wonderbolts. Some of those cards are wacked.
I wouldn't mind drowning in Applejack...
9084753
I wouldn't mind either.
9079572
"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me the new Princess went to this whole other world..."
"Yes."
"Where herself and the rest of the Bearers were..."
"Yes."
"And they sort of looked like they always do..."
"Yes."
"Except they were all sort-of hairless minotaurs, only more ape-like?"
"Yes."
"Hoof over that bottle of Applejack Daniels. Nope, don't need the glass."