- Member Since 1st Apr, 2018
- offline last seen March 24th
Charli13
Hi I love legos animals and have a dream of being in the K9 unit in the police force. That's me. Tell me a little about yourself in the comments. Have a awesome day.
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It has potential but it feels a bit rushed.
Just let Ripper the Indoraptor sort Scootaloo out. Make it a lot easier, force the Crusaders to confess.
Great start so far, right now my only suggestion is to try to make the chapters a little longer.
*Ripper slowly reaches out to Apple Bloom from behind the fence. He strokes the back of her head and roars at her. Apple Bloom screams in terror at seeing the blood thirsty hybrid*
I honestly think Ripper would know Sunset was innocent.
"Know" should be "now".
9050804
I plan on doing that
9050901
And get an editor. There are a whole lot of punctuation and spelling errors in these two chapters.
9050921
If you know where to get one tell me I don’t know how to I’m not the brightest light bulb in the socket
9050820
I don’t plan on adding it to the main story but maybe for a special chapter I’d have to read up the ripper I don’t really know allot about him lol
9050879
Fixed thanks
9050697
As I learn a build off these chapters I’m sure I’ll make them less rushed and will know what I’m doing
9050932
For the punctuation and spelling mistakes I have always had trouble with it I’m a teenager and still I reverse b’s and d’s but I’m working on it thanks
9050932
Well since you already have some people interested in the story, I’d say say you should ask them to see if they know anyone.
What is the most valuable quality for a creation to have? Timing. It doesn't matter how well written a story is if it's amidst similar executions of the same idea. If someone comes late and tries to saturate and already saturated story idea, it becomes boring and predictable to the reader.
Unfortunately, dear author, this story doesn't have good timing. Anon-A-Miss stories have become common place to the point of over saturation. Very few make any new ideas, and there's only two real routes that exist. I cannot read it, as I've read three other stories with the same premise and execution within the past month. Nothing against the writing (though it could use a lot of work), but the idea is the heart of the story. This idea has been done too much. I'd advise moving on to more fertile fields.
Whatever choice you make, I wish you the best in improving your writing.
A little rushed but i find the idea interesting seems Scoota not part of Anon A Miss but a victim, and also will regert the words she said soon enough.
but still very rushed, that the biggest problem for me.
9051261
yeah i know i'm gonna rewrite it later when i get better this is my first story that I've released hopefully the rushed problem will work itself out with time. and yeah scoots isn't involved its actually different people doing it i'm also gonna say that gildas gonna be one of the good guys who believe sunset isn't anon-a-miss i didn't really like that part of the comic. i also didn't like the crusaders reasoning behind it so i changed it up a bit. i honestly have gotten tired of that aspect the anon-a-miss story's.
9051261
i was also gonna make the mistake of Celestia finding out about sunsets habit right away but then decided against it things are gonna get darker soon. thanks for the opinion.
9050934
You want me to tell you as much as I know about him?
9051338
sure if you want it might help with the extra chapter
Not bad, I'll will be keeping an eye on this one, hope to see more
9051340
Ok, so he is basically smarter than the Indominus Rex, when Owen stopped his cage from exiting the auction, he stopped trying to break out and looked at him, played tranqed and killed a hunter, unintentionally used his tail to get the elevator opened, I think he imprinted on Maisie in his own demented way, climbed up the house to get into Maisie's room, and he is basically the owl of all carnivorous dinosaurs, because he can be so silent, you won't even know he's there until it's too late.
9051303
Hmmm, glad the Rainbooms know she innocent, but they can't be everywhere, so that why she being beaten up, but hope celestia catches some of it in the act and punishes the guilty party extra harsh, assault, battery can be charged and jailed.
9051344
there should be another chapter towmoorow
9051350
ok sounds good thanks
9051358
oh don't worry anyone caught in the act is gonna be punished
9051107
hey there might be something new maybe stick around till the next chapter and if your feelings don't change you don't have to read it
9051384
You're welcome.
OOooofta. Feels so rushed. You shoulda probably kept the story going another chapter before jumping into a side story thing. We barely start to get into the hook and we're already doing something else.
9051985
Yeah sorry
it feels like you started us in the middle of things how did sunset and scoots become celestias adopted children whats the back story there
9052241
Have you read the second chapter yet it tells hiw sunset became her daughter and scoots will have a diffrent chapter which will be coming up soon
ok so you did cover the adoption but honestly this is way way WAY to short of a chapter and you just move through it way to quickly
This is a lot different from the normal Anon-A-Miss fair, and it is pretty good. While I may be in the minority of actually liking Flash Sentry, I can easily see him pulling this if he was hurt enough by Sunset, which it sounds like he was in your timeline. Nice to see the girls actually believing her, Sad that the CMC blame her though. ANyways, have a 👍 and a 🌮
9054593
thanks i don't like flash i find him annoying this is me just dealing with my problems by taking it out on characters i don't like
I like sensible Lightning Dust, but Anon-a-Miss wouldn’t be Flash’s style. In my experience, if a guy wants to hurt someone, it’s usually in a direct way.
9054617 I really do like him, but to each there own and happy to see people mature enough to respect that and not get into fights over it. Always better to have a civil conversation about it and also always good to see other views on them. Like I said I love Flash, but doesn't mean I'm not going to enjoy this story because he is made into the bad guy. Love seeing all the different possibilities and views others have and make for their stories. I think your story has a lot of promise and plan to see and enjoy where you take it.
I like Flash, but this is an interesting take on the Anon-a-Miss story. I will keep reading.
9054676
like i said i don't like flash so this my way of dealing with my pent up anger at people in real life so i do know its not flashes style he was just the person from the show i didn't like i made him a person in my life that frustrates me and wrote this chapter. so yeah i know he's not the type to do this. thanks for the comment
Charli13 can you give me an idea when the next chapter is gonna come out? PLEASE?
9075188
Yeah probably sometime in the next few days sorry my life is like a rollercoaster. sometimes I have motivation to do things like write this story other times i don't on those days I find it hard to do little things so on days where I am motivated I have to do other things. If you want some more info on the whole thing going at a different level as my problem is only minor read highs and lows it’s by soufriere
9075399
It's ok! I know it's hard to get motivated sometimes!
Oh and if you want, I can check for spelling errors!
I know what it can be like to lose your motivation. I've gotten halfway through chapters before and lost my motivation and end up rewriting the chapter.
the writing felt a bit stiff in this chapter
9085788
sorry im dumb what do you mean when you say stiff?
9085914
well things just did not flow very well in the story characters just said things and did things fluff up the dialog some add abit more on how characters feel on things
Can't they alert the cops or something?
9086569
You will see. I’m a cruel bitch who likes to make people suffer.
If you're still looking for an editor, I can help. I'm not the greatest at grammar since English it's not my native language, but the rest is not a problem for me.
Good Gresley, this needs an editor. Firstly, PUNCTUATION. That means exclamation marks and question marks. Also, your sentences are WAY to long.
CAPITAL LETTERS!