• Member Since 21st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen July 3rd

RainbowJack


hi everyPony, my name is RainbowJack. I have been a brony from December 2010 and fell in love with the series because a friend of mine told me to watch it. i like the community that is here

E

After Spike came home from yet another rejection from Rarity, he gave up on his feelings. He was wondering if he would ever get to feel love again but then he felt something for somepony else, and that pony was Twilight

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 25 )

After Spike came home from yet another rejection from Rarity, he gave up on his feelings. He was wondering if he would ever get to feel love again but then he felt something for somepony else, and that pony was Twilight

This was your friendly neighborhood text-correcter-and-suggestion-giver

975685
why thank you, I was in a hurry so i must have made some typos HEHE :twilightblush:

dude i never would have thought of spike and twilight. i mean, they're so perfect for eachother.
BRAVO BRAVO. I COMEND YOU IN THE HIGHEST DEGREE.

976473
Thank you i hope you felt like you where spike in my story and felt the emotions like they where from your self

great story, keep it up :twilightsmile:

A enjoyable story. Keep up the good work.:eeyup:

For constructive criticism: the run on sentences without a single comma or semicolon made it intensely hard to read. The premise was cute but it was so hard to read I had to give up. The paragraphs are also so gargantuan that you feel like you are suffocating just trying to get to the end. I'm no grammar nazi by any means, but try spell-checking before posting "diddent" over and over. That's.. a pretty far-cry away from what it is supposed to be.

1004652
Thanks for that yeah i know abou that a friend of mine is going to give it a run down and checking it but hes on vacation right now and i just tryed my best so yeah thanks for your comment i will take it to heart.

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg

I've liked what I've read. But you need to learn to really hold your horses. No pun intended. You can slow down, I mean within the first paragraph we are told: Spike was in love with Rarity, was rejected and now is in love with Twilight. Also, it is *didn't* not diddent.

Either way, keep writing, this shall stay on my radar.

Hunter C. Creed

1007807

the second Chapter will be longer and explane most of it so hang in there just am going to finish another chapter i am working on i have been putting it off for far to long. And thanks for the comment all Criticisms will be taking in acount

this is really wonderful, cant wait for the next chapter:twilightsmile:

1004652 I have to agree with his/her words of advice but for the story itself all I have to say is.....you wrote a Spilight....you now have my full attettion dear friend. My favorite pairing ever created is Spilight and I'm very glad that other people enjoy this pairing, I'll be awaiting more. You need any help, ideas or advice, I got your back 100%, peace.

Sorry to say this but........................:applecry:........I feel it's too short
But I know you'll make more in the future!
Good luck! :twilightsmile:

Great story! I liked how you described Spike's feelings. Well Done! Also you did a good at showing the love between the two without having to resort to sex. I give this story a 10/10 Spike and Twilights. :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

This is one of the best Spike x Twilight stories I've ever read. :D

Okay A little update a friend of mine did spell check and added stuff i thank that person for that

Thank you i hope this story is improved

2119784 Ummmm.........this neeeds to be re-edited bro, sorry but true. On the upside I still every much love it, can't wait to see other stories you'll create:twilightsmile:

Riz

2119784
Is it true that there will be a new chapter to this story ?

2206239
Yes i am working on it but due to work and school stuff i dont have the time for it yet but there will be

Riz

2207472
So, the story is still ongoing ? That's good, cuz I thought it was complete due the the current status..

2211557
yeah i thought i could make it in one time but then i got like i must do more when i read the reactions to it after i posed it

still working on it but still a lil stuck on stuff

Not bad. It felt a bit rushed, but that's quite ok. Other than the grammatical rules which I've seen much worse of. It was a very pleasant read. It flowed decently well and had enough detail to keep the reader focused in the area. I'm quite interested in what this could turn into.:twilightsmile:

EDIT: Fixed my own grammatical errors. See! Nopony's perfect.

After talking to you last week and reading your beautiful story, I got inspired to write a story of my own. I worked tirelessly on it since then and just got it published today. :unsuresweetie:
Swetie Bell's search for immortality

Thank you for the inspiration RainbowJack!

Uhhhhhhh weird abrupt ending but not bad

I always wonder why spike haven't fall in love in Twi in the show but then again it would be weird. But I love this so it gets 3 mustache spikes out of 5

:moustache::moustache::moustache:

If Twilight had reject him, I don't know what I would've done. It's strange that I said that, because I just realized that this is pedophilia. :pinkiegasp: Oh well. TwiSpike is awesome!

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!