My Little Planeswalker: Sideboard Stories

by Zennistrad

Thick as Thieves, Part 2

Spending hours trekking across the desert wasn’t a particularly new feeling for me, as my particular lifestyle often demanded that I flee from civilization — but it was still something I preferred to avoid whenever possible. The unrelenting sun, combined with the hot and sandy desert wind, made for an altogether unpleasant experience. I’d likely be scrubbing the sand out of my hair for over an hour, once all was said and done.

True to his word, Capper agreed to help carry half of the supplies. Between the two of us, we didn’t have much, just the bare necessities to cross the Bone Dry Desert. There were, according to him, several towns on the northern edge where we could resupply when it came to that, but for now he’d deemed it was best to pack light.

We didn’t speak much in the intervening hours. I couldn’t quite tell what his reasoning was, but it was obvious that Capper wanted to get the hell out of Klugetown as quickly as possible, and I just so happened to give him the opportunity to do so. As we crossed the dunes, I couldn’t help but notice that he kept looking back, observing the way that the breeze covered up the tracks we left in the sand.

“So, how’d you end up in Klugetown, anyway?”

My attention was drawn away from my own thoughts. It was the first time that Capper had spoken to me since we began traveling.

“Just passing through,” I said. The old reliable.

Capper shot me a smirk. There was a sudden gleam in his eye, the exact kind a house cat would have when you dangled a string in front of it. And I don’t mean that figuratively.

“See, that’s the thing. I just don’t see how that’s possible. You didn’t know a thing about the place, or the desert you’d have had to cross to get there. Last I checked, Klugetown is the southernmost settlement on this continent. Unless you came from the ocean, I’m not sure how you ended up there.”

Crud. So much for the vague answer. Clearly, my traveling companion had never heard the adage about curiosity. Still, I don’t think I could tell him the whole truth without inviting a ton of other questions I didn’t care to answer.

“You could call it a teleport spell gone wrong,” I said. Not entirely inaccurate, depending on your definition of ‘teleport.’

“I see. I hear teleport magic can be quite tricky, you know,” said Capper. “You must be quite the accomplished mage to manage it across such a long distance.”

“Not as accomplished as I’d always like,” I mused. “I imagine a real wizard does a lot less running than I do.”

Still seemingly unaware of the old saying, Capper looked at me curiously. “Where were you planning on running to?”

“From,” I countered. “The keyword is from.”

After that, Capper went silent. There was a solemn look in his eye for a moment, before he looked away, turning his eye to the long stretch of desert ahead of us. Something about what I said seemed to strike a chord with him — and I think I had a good idea why.

“So. What are you trying to get away from?” I could see Capper visibly wince. “Oh, don’t give me that look. From the moment we met, you’ve been all too eager to get out of that town, despite the fact that there’s apparently no other settlement for miles. And you keep looking back, as though you expect to be followed. Not that I don’t appreciate you helping me, but I’d like to have some idea of just what it is I’m getting into.”

Capper hesitated for a moment. He looked like he didn’t want to answer, but ultimately I think he knew he couldn’t keep me from finding out what was up.

“I got in trouble with the boss. That’s all you need to know.”

It didn’t take me long to put two and two together. It was a situation I’d been in myself, more than once. “So you upset someone powerful, and now you’re a wanted man. Er, cat.” I took a moment to look behind us, towards the direction of Klugetown. The town had long since faded into the horizon, and I saw nothing but the endless expanse of dunes. “You really think he’d send his goons all the way out here?”

“I don’t know,” Capper said plainly. “He could have been bluffing. But you don’t call the boss’s bluff if you value your hide.”

A stiff breeze blew across the sand. I looked back again, seeing the wind erase the prints we left behind. Between the inhospitable climate and, nature covering its tracks for us, and the monsters that supposedly came out at night, it wouldn’t be easy for anyone to follow us. So that meant either nobody was pursuing us, or whoever was pursuing us had to be exceptionally tough.

Knowing my luck, it was almost guaranteed to be the latter.

“I’ll watch the rear,” I said. “You keep lead.”

————————

“...I don’t care. I want you to comb through every single grain of sand sin the desert if necessary!”

Nargus gently massaged his forehead with his hand. In his other hand he held a small crystal ball, through which he could see the flickering visage of Verko, staring angrily through the static-filled orb.

“Sir,” said Nargus, “with respect, I don’t think—”

“Does it look like I’m paying you to think!?” Verko shouted back. “Now go out there and find that cat! And don’t even think about returning until you’ve found him, and made sure he’s held up his end of the deal!”

The transmission cut off, and Nargus was left to stare at the now empty crystal ball. He sighed, and shoved it back into his pocket.

“No luck?” Kusha spoke from right beside him. Despite the long, exhausting trek through the desert so far, the dragon’s eyes had not once begun to lose their youthful energy.

“I tried to tell the boss, there’s no way we’ll find him at this rate. No dice; he doesn’t want to hear it. We’re not gonna be able to head back until we’ve finished the job.”

“Oh,” said Kusha. “Well, look on the bright side! At least this way, we get to spend lots of quality time together!”

“Yeah, sure,” said Nargus. He had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. “Let’s get a move on.”

“Hey, Nargus?” Just as he turned to continue on the trail, Kusha called out to him again. “This may sound weird, but... why do you work for him again?”

Nargus was momentarily taken aback. He paused, and gave the girl a quizzical look. “What do you mean, ‘why do I work for him?’ It’s Klugetown, Kusha. Everyone works for Verko, whether they know it or not.”

“You sure about that?” said Kusha. “He seems like kind of a jerk.”

Nargus didn’t know how to respond. He simply stood for a moment, before shaking his head and turning around, beckoning Kusha to follow. “It is what it is. Come on, let’s keep moving.” Gods help her, that girl is as naive as the day she flew into tow—

Something occurred to Nargus. He felt like he could slap himself for not thinking of it sooner.

“Actually, now that you mention it, that gives me an idea.”

————————

When the sun began to dip below the horizon, we decided it would be best to make camp. The soles of my feet — or whatever the equivalent for hooves were — were already starting to ache.

“We’d best keep an eye out for Deviljho if we’re going to set up here,” said Capper.

“Deviljho?” I already didn’t like the sound of that name.

“The nastiest and hungriest monster you’ll ever see,” Capper said. “Thankfully not too common ‘round these parts, but it’s best to drop our supplies and run if one shows up.”

“Duly noted. I take it we’ll sleep in shifts?”

“See, now you’re getting the hang of it,” said Capper. “You go ahead and catch some Zs. I’ll let you know when it’s your turn to keep watch.”

In any other time or place, I’d be suspicious of this offer. This Capper fellow definitely had a history as scoundrel — takes one to know one, I suppose — and if we weren’t surrounded by miles of desert, this would be the perfect opportunity for him to grab my stuff and run while I was sleeping. A more paranoid part of me, the part that had prevented me from getting backstabbed in countless back alleys, still didn’t really want to take him up on the offer.

The rest of me promptly told the paranoid part of me to shut up. Capper was the closest thing I’d had to a friend on this plane. And it’s not like he’d be able to go anywhere with my belongings.

With a nod and a yawn, I acquiesced. Soon we had a crackling campfire set up, the only light around for miles, save for the crescent moon and the blanket of stars overhead. Despite our lack of bedding, I found it remarkably easy to curl up by the fire drift into the realm of sleep...

————————

With all the subtlety of an Orgg in an antique shop, Dack Fayden barged through the door. The tiny apartment was filthy, as to be expected of anywhere in the Undercity, but despite its dirty and moss-covered interior it was decorated with a surprising level of care. Dack would almost call it cozy if it weren’t covered in grime.

But that didn’t matter. What mattered was the person he came to see, sitting in an armchair, quietly sipping her tea. Her eyes glowed a sickly green as they narrowed, and Dack could feel their piercing gaze, even as he instinctively avoided making eye direct contact with them.

“Hello again, Dack,” said the gorgon. “I hope you don’t make a habit of barging into my home without knocking.”

Dack did not acknowledge Vraska’s statement. “You owe me an explanation,” he said. He reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a single newspaper clipping, and forcefully slammed it onto the coffee table between the two of them. On it, a single headline:

Orzhov bishop Adipex found murdered in bedchamber

Vraska raised an eyebrow. Dack simply stared back — but not too closely.

“Well?” said Dack. “Explain yourself.”

Vraska took an audible sip of her tea. “You were injured. Starving. I offered you hospitality in exchange for a job. And you performed it quite well, from the looks of it.”

“You told me to scope out the bishop’s home and find any weaknesses in its security,” Dack retorted. “You never told me it was for an assassination.”

Vraska frowned. “And what were you expecting, Dack? A simple burglary?”

“Wha— YES, of course I thought it was for a burglary! Do you have any idea how much gold the average Orzhov bishop has?”

Vraska took another sip of her tea. “I can tell this is not the outcome you were expecting. But let me give you some advice, Dack.”

“I appreciate what you’ve done for me, miss, but I don’t think I want advice from someone who made me accomplice to a murder.”

“Too bad. It’s within your best interest that you hear it. You won’t be able to survive off of petty theft and the kindness of strangers forever, Dack. Sooner or later, you’ll be caught....” her eyes glanced briefly at Dack’s right hand, and her lips curled upward, into a thin smirk. “...well, I’m sure you know the saying.”

Dack rolled his eyes. Never heard THAT one before.

“My point is, everyone’s luck runs out eventually. No one can run forever. Not even a planeswalker. Not even the self-proclaimed Greatest Thief in the Multiverse.”

It took a moment for Dack to fully register what had just been said to him, but when it did it brought his train of thought to a sudden crashing halt.

Dack froze, not even realizing he was suddenly staring straight into Vraska’s eyes. Wait, how did she — oh, hell, don’t tell me she’s one too!

Vraska gave a light chuckle, one that sent a tinge down Dack’s spine. He averted his gaze, thankful that the gorgon had not chosen not to exercise her stony will.

“The Multiverse is not fair, Dack. Not in Ravinica, or anywhere else. And if you continue to push your luck, you will die. That is why you have to force it to be fair.”

————————

Cull the Rich 2BG

Enchantment

Your opponents can’t create or sacrifice Treasure tokens.

At the beginning of your end step, each player with more life than you sacrifices a creature unless they lose 3 life.

The most ambitious members of the Golgari Swarm see wealth as a weakness — to obsess over mere riches is to be left at the mercy of those with far greater power.

Author's Note:

I had to cut this chapter in half from what I originally planned of it — and since I’ve been busy trying to settle into my new home after moving to a different part of the country, I’ve sparsely had time to work on it. Things are looking up for me now though, so hopefully I’ll have part three up soon.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Looking back at the previous chapter, you predicted the Assassin/Mercenary/Rogue batch two years before Mari. Nice!

“Where were you planning on running to?”
“From,” I countered. “The keyword is from.”

One of Rincewind's Principles of Survival. You can figure out the "to" when you get there.

“Deviljho?” I already didn’t like the sound of that name.

Well. Wasn't expecting Monster Hunter elements in this Equestria, though I may have forgotten earlier references.

Cull the Rich's anti-Treasure effect feels more white than green, though it does still work there. The second ability creates an interesting "race to the bottom" situation, though repeatedly paying 5 life for four mana feels extreme. Compare Torment of Scarabs.

In any case, always happy to see more from you, and I'm glad to hear you're getting settled in your new place. Looking forward to more.

[Zennistrad]

11237138

The second ability creates an interesting "race to the bottom" situation, though repeatedly paying 5 life for four mana feels extreme.

The intent was to make it slightly more powerful than the usual effect of the sort, since Court of Ambition manages to be significantly stronger in most cases for roughly the same cost. That said, you’re probably right, the anti-Treasure effect is what really makes this card good in Commander. I bumped the effect down to 3 life, but also made it trigger during the end step so it has slightly more immediate value.

[jqnexx]

Nice to see this/you back.