• Member Since 10th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Nightmare Rift


Trying my hand at writing fan fiction. A huge lover of My Little Pony. I enjoy reading other people’s fan fictions.

T

Night Crystal had always kept to herself and never bothered to make friends. No one knows her real name, because no one has bothered to ask. So she decides one day she wants to become an Alicorn and try to fit in to society and make friends. She discovers the Mane 6 and the CMC. But when she realizes Alicorns are rare beings, what happens when she comes up with a fib to tell every pony that seems believable.

Note: Not my art, I give credit to whoever made it, but this is what I would imagine Night Crystal to look like in Alicorn form.

Chapters (36)
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Comments ( 23 )

I am interested in how this plays out! though at some parts i am confused about reactions and how Night Crystal looks.

Night Crystal looks like the pony shown in the story image, but slightly more turquoise on the wings.
Could you elaborate on your confusion about reactions, Wolfgirl279?

Definitely a promising start. I like the idea of a rogue changeling going incognito to infiltrate pony society

Una

Good story so far. The chapters could be a bit longer though.

I love how devious Night Crystal is!

Oh, I can't wait to see what Discord is planning!

I'm still reading! Still cute so far.

9387511
Glad to hear it. Makes me feel so much better.

9390818
It's no problem! The only thing is I feel like you introduce these conflicts and then have them quickly resolved. Other than that, Night Crystal is pretty engaging, which is rare for an OC (at least in my humble opinion).

i really don't know what to say the reactions from the main six for the most part are ok.
AJ will spot a fib or lie instantly rarity always greets costumers with.

pinkie and fluttershy is the best.
i will be watching to see if i am right in that as a first story you will improved a good bit.

O and you over charged for the muffins.

sorry but after 6 chapters i need a brake i may come back to this story latter but not now.

9426081
Depends on if I get more than just you wanting a sequel. Also regardless of that however, a sequel will not be starting to be released and worked on until this semester of school for me is over. Which is middle of May. So if I get more people wanting a sequel, I will write one starting May.

Glad you enjoyed it!

9427266
My pleasure and good luck with school!

9427271
However, lets just say that if more people want a sequel, I do have an idea for it already started.

Not a bad beginning, one thing it sure does is that you convince the readers that you have a very interesting AU in mind. However, the execution is not all that great. You start with an exposition-heavy chapter that’s not exactly entertaining and I’m afraid it fails to interest the readers that have come here seeking some wild changeling adventures :applejackunsure: All that can be fixed with enough tender loving care though :pinkiesmile:

9554111
I promise my writing got much better as this story progressed. I will most likely come back to edit later in my life to try to change the way I started this story. But as of right now I am writing the sequel, and I promise the sequel doesn’t start off like this one did.

9554367
Alright, I’ll continue reading. Do you want me to give you more feedback via comments or PMs should I encounter more issues?

9554375
PM would be preferable as I don’t often check my comments section, as I am writing on a document so my person that edits has easier access to it. However, if I have time during my writing of the sequel I will definitely come back to this story and try to fix anything that you have suggestions about.

9554379
Alright, will do. Google docs are indeed an awesome platform for editing.

Oh, and thank you for the follow!

this is a good story that shows a lot of potential.
a good edit would be a big help to bring things together and fill in some of the jumps and holes.

...newbies need to start somewhere?

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