5 - Send a Report to Celestia and Luna to the Moon
"Horse apples," Apple Bloom cursed under her breath.
Along with Diamond Tiara, she rose to her hooves, both of them rubbing the lipstick off their mouths under the shocked gazes of Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.
"What the buck are you doing?" Scootaloo shouted.
"Aw, your first kiss!" Sweetie Belle swooned.
Diamond Tiara sharply turned her head to Apple Bloom. Did she hear that right?
"Hey girls, nice of ya to knock," Apple Bloom deadpanned.
Scootaloo took to the air, hovering in place, throwing her hoof in her direction. "What did she do? Is magic involved? Quick, check for traps, Sweetie Belle!"
Magical energy flashed and quickly dissipated on Sweetie Belle's horn, her face de-scrunching itself. "Um, I don't know any spells like that, sorry."
"Shoot!" Scootaloo landed on the ground, taking up a fighting stance. "Don't worry Apple Bloom, we'll find a way to help you."
"Will you cut that out!" Apple Bloom sent her hoof to her forehead in frustration. "We're marefriends, you big idiot."
"Aw!" Sweetie Belle clasped her hooves together, to quickly trot forward and hug the apple pony.
"Bleh," Scootaloo pretended to puke. She turned to face Diamond Tiara, giving her a face that said she was onto her schemes and that she had better watch out.
Sweetie Belle noticed the look and walked back over to her. With her hoof, she flicked one of Scootaloo's wings as they all watched it stiffly bounce in place.
Like a few drops of water before a heavy flood, Scootaloo scratched the back of her neck with a self aware chuckle, followed by a giggle from Apple Bloom, and next thing they knew, every pony was drenched in emotional laughter, washing away the tension in the room.
Scootaloo was first to speak. "Really, Apple Bloom? Her of all ponies?"
Diamond Tiara shot her a death stare.
"Deal with it, Scoots." Apple Bloom slapped a tiara cutie mark with her tail, increasing the intensity of Diamond's death stare, but at a new target.
Something changed in Scootaloo's eyes. They became as soft as Sweetie Belle's. Diamond twisted her mouth in anger--for some reason, them being suddenly okay with things made her feel even more embarrassed and out of place in their clubhouse.
"There, there, Diamond. No harm done. My best friends are your best friends."
Diamond Tiara seethed at being patted on the back by Apple Bloom. She looked again to see an insufferable grin spread across the other two ponies' faces.
"Oh my gosh!" Sweetie Belle giggled.
"What?" Diamond asked, cringing at herself for knowingly channeling her mother's grumpy face.
Scootaloo snickered. "Oh wow, you totally got her by the leash. I had no idea."
Diamond Tiara fumed.
"I wouldn't have believed anypony could tame that spoiled filly. Guess I was wrong!"
Her rising anger was met with a swift hug by Apple Bloom that seemed to change the heat on her face into something else.
"Stupid little rich pony," she heard the words escape Apple Bloom's lips.
Surprisingly, she felt better, but a little anger lingered. That too was converted into a hot blush after letting go, seeing a noble look on the yellow crusader's face that seemed to bow to her, as if saying she was indeed her knight, and she was indeed her princess.
And with that, she doubted any other pony could ever get to her so intensely ever again. She wasn't her pet. She was her princess. Nothing else mattered. She smiled, thinking of her mother and how she'd let her get under her skin. Friendship lesson learned, she smirked in her personal victory. Send a report to Celestia and Luna to the moon--damn, I'm good. She mentally congratulated herself for being the smartest and best princess ever.
Scootaloo looked like she was waiting for an insult to be hurled her way.
"You have no idea how marefriends work, do you?" Diamond asked her.
"Oh, she's learning," Sweetie Belle said, giving them a smirk.
Diamond Tiara laughed. She genuinely, honestly laughed with the feeling that they were actually real friends now. "Who's taming who?"
A few grumbles and curse words could be heard under Scootaloo's breath.
"Sooooo," the mood instantly brightened in the room with the sing-song voice of Sweetie Belle, "How was your first kiss?"
"It was, uh..." Apple Bloom rested her head on her hoof in deep thought. "Pretty nice! Although, I thought it'd be more clumsy and difficult. Guess I have a skilled partner."
Diamond rolled her eyes, trying to hide her proud smile.
"Why would you think it's something hard to do?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Cause that's what you're always saying," Scootaloo answered for her, before choking on her last words, eyes bulging in some kind of secret revelation.
Apple Bloom nudged Diamond. "Check out her tells."
They shared knowing smug grins.
---
The day carried on without further dramatics for the mares. They messed around in their clubhouse as if it were any other day at the Cutie Mark Crusaders' headquarters. Talk of making Diamond Tiara a honorary crusader was brought up and discussed in a huddle. Diamond promptly broke up their not-so-secret meeting, gracefully declining the offer, not feeling quite ready and worthy of membership. She secretly shared glances with Apple Bloom that revealed her true intentions. She would never be a crusader. Why would she want that? She was already an apple princess.
Twilight followed sunset making way for starlight. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo said their goodbyes and exchanged a few playful jabs at their newfound relationships before leaving. Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara walked through the apple orchard alone, flanks touching each other. They could see the soft glow of lights coming from her house.
Diamond Tiara didn't want the day to end, but part of her was desperate for it. She was already playing through different scenarios with her mother in how to apologize and make things better between them. She even imagined a few what-if situations involving bringing Apple Bloom along. One that she spent many quiet steps pondering was what if she would kiss Apple Bloom full on the lips in front of her mother in an act of steamy defiance. There were many ways that one could play out so she had to explore each angle.
A bump from her partner's rump took her out of her daydreaming.
"Apple for your thoughts?"
"Just thinking about what I need to do tomorrow when my dad comes to pick me up."
"Don't think your mom will be there too?"
No, Diamond thought, she hardly ever comes. But this time, she was uncertain. Her father is really good at negotiations. Who knows?
"Maybe. Daddy will butter her up and I'll knock her down."
Apple Bloom frowned.
"It's business talk for setting up a win-win situation," she smiled despite herself. "It isn't literal, you stupid little poor pony."
"I know that," Apple Bloom gave her another bump. "Just messing with you."
They were at the porch steps. Sounds of family and a few guests could be heard through the door. They looked at each other in shared curiosity.
"Bet I know who that is."
"Don't say it," Diamond Tiara warned.
"Told you she'd be here."
"You did not."
Apple Bloom moved to open the door. "Maybe I ought to butter you up before we enter."
"You're such a perv," Diamond Tiara said, grabbing Apple Bloom for a quick kiss.
---
With another beauty pageant finished, and another tiara to add to her collection, Diamond Tiara hugged her mother in complete and total victory.
"I'm so proud of you." Her mother seemed to smile to herself, holding the bouquet she had won.
They stopped in the hallway, backstage. Diamond Tiara looked down, her neck sore from holding her head up for the past several hours, her muzzle worn out from all of her forced smiling. Spoiled Rich raised an eyebrow, questioning her daughter. They both shared the same tired and grumpy expression.
"Hey, mom," Diamond Tiara huffed, exhausted. "Thanks."
"You're welcome, dear."
"Sorry about yelling at you before."
Spoiled Rich raised both eyebrows. She looked quite surprised.
At that moment, Diamond Tiara wanted to tell her mom that she forgave and loved her, but she knew they weren't ready for that yet. Maybe some time soon, she thought, but for now, she--
Her mind went blank as she found herself in her mother's tight hug.
"You do know I love you," Spoiled whispered to her.
"Love you too, mom," Diamond cried in her shoulder, her tears already spent from being crowned earlier.
---
The dirt felt different at Sweet Apple Acres. Diamond dragged a hoof through it, stirring up an ancient dust that tickled something inside her soul. Maybe it was an earth pony thing, she thought, but there was something magically unnatural about this farm. From the soft road to the rolling hills of green, it tricked ponies into some longing for peaceful days spent eating an apple under the shade of a tree without a care in the world.
With a pompous grin fit for a princess, she laid herself against Apple Bloom and did just that.
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Is this a joke or something?
this was really sweet i love it
8438980
i thought that was clever word play
8438980
sorry, couldn't help myself. i know i was probably channeling too much smarmy Diamond Tiara in this, definitely spilled out in the narration there.
Gah, my story knocked out of the feature box by adorable slice of life fic? Not even mad.
Congrats on being featured!
I can't quite make up my mind if that was incredibly painful, or amazing...
head>desk
head>desk
head>desk
head>desk
Twilight followed sunset making way for starlight.
Heh.
i like the cover art it made me laugh lol stupid little rich pony
68.media.tumblr.com/4a1ffb627b8c203dab471ca0a37f0289/tumblr_mhx7z8ehoe1s5w9a4o1_500.gif
Well then. This story is technically very well written; the language itself is excellent, you describe everything well and give good insights into the feelings and thoughts of the characters. So, nothing to worry about in that regard.
If it has a weakness, it's in the actual storytelling. The plot kinda lacks strong conflict and tension even though you seemed to be setting something like that up. What conflict you do have is mostly glossed over: Diamond and Apple Bloom share a belligerent attraction but move on to straight up girlfriends almost immediately and with no particular dramatic catalyst, and their romance doesn't result in any notable consequences. Diamond's relationship with her mother is troubled, but apparently it wasn't very serious and all Diamond needed was to relax a bit and have an honest talk about her feelings. Sweetie and Scootaloo find out about the relationship and are almost instantly okay with it. There simply weren't any high stakes, and good romances (heck, good relationship stories in general) rely heavily on building anticipation before the emotional payoff.
Like I said, you clearly have pretty advanced technical writing skills and I think you seem rather talented. At this point you should probably start digging into serious writing theory: the deep stuff, like narrative structure and devices, making and keeping promises to your readers, themes and motifs, and so on. I'm not saying this story is bad or anything, but I don't think you used your full potential here. It's a nice little love story but it could have been amazing.
Well it certainly looks like I have some competition.
I'd ought to get around to reading this, nice job!
This was a nice story, thanks for writing it.
Alright, I guess Spoiled shouldn't be ground into glue...maybe she DOES love Diamond, she's just really screwed up herself.
Makes me wonder what made her that way.
Wouldn't mind a sequel to this.
Huh? Diamond Tiara OP, plz nerf :).
Ahem...
SHIP IT SO HARD!!!!
OMG! YES I LOVED EVERY BIT OF IT!!! Amazing story!
Hahaha, I love this sentence
wha-
aagh
Heh. Underrated line.