Farce of Nature

by bookplayer

Waiting for Caramel

There was a knock at the door of the farm house. Applejack answered it to find Rainbow Dash hovering over the doorstep. Her eyes went wide, mirroring Dash's.

“Caramel isn't here yet?” Dash whispered.

“No!” AJ whispered back urgently.

“Oh shoot.” Dash said, turning to go. Caramel had to get there first.

“Applejack? Who's that?” Granny Smith called.

AJ cringed, then she and Dash had a silent conversation of looks. When a decision was reached, AJ called back. “It's just Rainbow Dash, Granny!”

“She here to get Macintosh?”

“Umm. . . yeah! She sure is here to get Macintosh. Cause they're goin' out and all. That's why Dash's here. At the door. Yup.” Applejack said, her eyes wide and glancing at the ceiling, illustrating why Caramel had to get there first. Dash had pointed out that Applejack not being there was an important part of any kind of deception, even if it was AJ herself trying to deceive somepony.

Dash rolled her eyes. She whispered, “AJ, just shut up and let me talk, okay?”

“Good idea.” Applejack said with a nod.

Granny yelled up the stairs, “Macintosh! Your filly's here!”

Mac came down the stairs, his mane neatly combed, wearing a bolo tie rather than his work collar. He caught sight of AJ and raised his eyebrows.

Applejack opened her mouth to say something, but Dash cut her off. “Hey, Mac. . . you, um, promised me some apple pie last time! I sure could go for that right now.”

Mac glanced nervously between the two of them. “Uh. . . eeyup.”

“Lemme get that for y'all!” Applejack said, rushing towards the kitchen as Mac and Dash both breathed a sigh of relief.

The relief was short lived, because at that moment Apple Bloom appeared at the top of the stairs, smiling. “Rainbow Dash! What're you doin' here? Goin' out with Big Macintosh again?”

“You got it.” Dash said, smiling but glancing around nervously.

Apple Bloom hurried down the stairs excitedly. “You two been goin' out a lot, are y'all special someponies?”

“Apple Bloom, what've I told ya' bout this?” Mac said, clearly uncomfortable.

“I was just wonderin' cause I ain't seen ya' get all mushy like you did when you drank that love poison.” She turned to Dash. “Does Mac call ya' his smoochy woochy lovvykins and stuff?”

Dash scrunched up her face. “I'm not really the mushy type, kid.”

“So do ya' kiiiiss him?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Umm. . . sure. Yeah.” Dash said, with an uncertain shrug towards Mac.

“Really? You gonna kiss 'im hello now?” Apple Bloom was the picture of innocence.

Dash on the other hoof was glancing at Mac, both of them looking panicked. Dash looked to Granny, hoping she could use the old pony as an excuse, but she was fast asleep in her chair. Finally she called to the kitchen, “AJ! You coming with that pie or what?”

Apple Bloom smiled sweetly. “When y'all get married, can I be flower girl? I did a real good job at the royal weddin'.”

“We ain't gettin' married.” Mac said.

“You just gonna let 'im say that?” Apple Bloom gasped. “Why, I never woulda thought my brother'd be leadin' a filly on.”

Dash shook her head. “He's not leading me on. And who knows, right?”

“Uh. . . eeyup.” Mac confirmed as AJ came out of the kitchen with a plate of pie on her back. Applejack nudged the plate onto a table for Dash, who took a big mouthful, eager to escape Apple Bloom's interrogation.

“Where the hay is Caramel?” Mac whispered while Apple Bloom's attention was on Dash.

AJ whispered back, “How do I know? He's your-”

“So are you and Mac gonna have foals?”

Dash nearly choked on her pie.

“Apple Bloom,” Applejack exclaimed. “That ain't a question you can just ask somepony!”

“Why not? That's what happens when two ponies love each other very much. Y'all do love each other, right?” Apple Bloom eyed Mac and Dash suspiciously.

“Uh. . .” Mac said, his eye wide as he glanced at Dash.

Dash rolled her eyes, “Um. . . sure. Yeah. But no babies!”

Apple Bloom looked even more suspicious. “Why not? That's how it works, right? When two grown up ponies love each other very much, they make a baby foal. AJ didn't leave nothin' out, did she?”

“There might be a little more to it than that, kid.” Dash said, raising an eyebrow.

Apple Bloom leveled a stare at her. “I'm listenin'.”

“Uh. . . heh. . . well. . .” Dash desperately looked to AJ for help.

“Dash! Mac! Ain't it time for y'all to be goin? Cause you're gonna be late for that. . . thing ya hadta do at a certain time? At the. . . library?” Applejack pursed her lips as she finished, eyes wide. Dash cringed.

Apple Bloom didn't seem to notice. “Y'all are goin' on a date to the library?”

“. . . Yup! The library's a totally cool place for a date.”

“It's closed right now.” Apple Bloom pointed out.

“Twilight's keepin' it open.” Mac said quickly. “Just for us.”

Apple Bloom looked confused. “What're ya' gonna do at the library that's all romantic?”

“Um. . .” Dash looked to AJ or Mac for a hint.

“Er. ..” Mac was clearly racking his brain for anything at a library that might make a good date.

“Poetry!” Dash exclaimed, earning a relieved sigh from both AJ and Mac. “That's it. We're gonna read each other poetry! It's totally romantic.”

Apple Bloom nodded, apparently that was acceptable. Then she turned to Applejack. “What about you, sis? Where are you and Caramel goin' for your date?”

Applejack shot a panicked look to Dash. “We're. . .uh, also goin' to the library?”

“Well that don't sound too romantic, if you're all gonna be there.” Apple Bloom said, cocking her head to the side.

“We'll be at different parts of the library.” Dash said, hoping that Apple Bloom didn't notice that the library was one room.

Apple Bloom just stared at them for a moment. Then she said, “I thought y'all were gonna be late?”

“Yup! That's right, they sure are. If y'all don't get there soon all the, um, good poetry's gonna be taken.”

“Are you sure, AJ? I mean, Caramel still has to pick you up. . .”

There was a knock at the door, and three ponies offered silent and sincere thanks to Celestia.

Applejack opened the door. “Looky who it is! Caramel's here, so we all better get goin'.”

“Wait! Caramel didn't tell ya' you look nice, AJ.”

Caramel raised his eyebrows and looked around nervously. “Um, you look nice?”

“Perfect! See kid? Totally normal dates. Let's go!” Dash said as Applejack shoved Caramel out the door. Dash and Mac were right behind her, and Mac kicked the door shut forcefully once they were all outside.

The four walked quickly until they were out of sight of the farmhouse.

“Whew. That was a tough one.” Applejack said, moving over next to Dash and giving her a nuzzle.

“What took ya' so long?” Mac asked Caramel, smiling and giving him a playful shove.

“I said hi to Pinkie Pie. . . sorry.” Caramel said, brushing close to Mac.

Dash draped a wing over Applejack. “Look, you guys have to at least tell Apple Bloom. I don't know if I can take another round of that.”

“No kiddin'.” AJ agreed. “She cornered me in the barn the other day. It wasn't pretty.”

“Yeah, well y'all never had a love poison tossed at ya'.” Mac said, rolling his eyes at the memory.

“Why not tell her?” Caramel asked.

“Well, I don't want her thinkin' she's gotta grow up to be a fillyfooler.” Applejack explained. “If it was just one of us it'd be different, or if she'd ever known ma and pa. But if both her siblin' are gay, I'm worried she might feel like she's gotta be too.”

“And even that ain't so much a problem, 'cept that she and her friends sometimes go a little overboard.” Mac pointed out.

“Oh yeah. I really wanna avoid Cutie Mark Crusaders Fillyfoolers. I don't wanna have to explain that one to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo's folks.” Applejack said. “But I think this oughta be enough to keep her and Granny from wonderin' for a while.”

They came to the road and Dash and AJ started toward the Whitetail Woods, while Mac and Caramel headed to town.

“We'll see you gals later, okay?” Mac called over his shoulder.

“Sure. And go ahead and do anythin' we wouldn't do!” Applejack called back.

Meanwhile, in her bedroom, Apple Bloom was trying to do her homework. It was hard because the pencil fell out of her mouth when she giggled, thinking about the looks on their faces. She hoped AJ and Mac never worked up the courage to tell her they were both gay, 'cause these nights when they tried to fool her were just too much fun.

Comments

[Horsemumbler]

Very well done. I look forward to reading more.

[Church]

I have a feeling about this.

I'll read it later.

*edit*- Just like a little sister would be! Ha ha!

you are awesome and you should feel awesome. Totally worth waiting for two days to come out.

I would only expect as much from you.

[mageli7]

Good story so far

[LunaTheFox]

D'awwww.
Equestria's two worst liars at their best.

[Autumn Wind]

Haha, great work. I got a good smile out of seeing them dancing around the subject. Didn't see that ending coming. Keep up the good writing!

921982 Edit: Nice save by editing your post.

[lolcatsmanseven]

This was awesome.

921982 you do know that can get you banned, right?

[epicdonus1123 BOT]

I was wondering what fillyfooling was. Very dawing. I was starting to wonder what in the hay was going on. One more thing, isn't Caramel (maybe Caramel Apple) related to Big Mac? Good story though.....actually scratch that last part. Caramel and Caramel Apple are two different ponies.

[Roughhouse]

LAWL!

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS FILLYFOOLERS YAY!

[shutaro]

Oh, Apple Bloom, so young and such a troll.
I'm sure somepony is proud of her.

[BBJBS]

922038
Yo.

I did not see that ending coming. Bravo.

[Loki]

Eeeyup. Fine fic.

[DbzOrDie]

And after 2 days it's finally been approved

Nice story but I already knew that

[Frizzy]

CUTIE MARK CRUSADER FILLY FOOLERS! YAY!

[Perfect Prime]

That was good! Great job!

[Gabriel LaVedier]

Appledash? Caramac? Me gusta Also paper-thin lies are great.

[jordanwriter]

SOMEONE DISLIKED THIS!!!! Someone grab my crowbar

[RainbowSniper]

My reaction? Insta-favourite without even reading, cause' I know it's going to be sooooooo good!
EDIT: I knew it! This is SO AWESOME!

[rd243521]

The description, or more specifically the mention of fillyfooling/coltcuddling, spoiled half of the ending but luckily nothing hinted towards the very end happening! Great fic, have a moustache of approval

[RainbowdashEpicness]

i1168.photobucket.com/albums/r481/Jared631/Rainbow_Dash_Wonderbolt_fantasy_S1E3.png
Good story!

[Autumn Wind]

922333

He had commented, and I quote: "First!"

[Agrith]

Oh Apple Bloom, you troll. I bet when Applejack tells Apple Bloom, she'll be expecting dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Applebloom.png but will get dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png and "I've known the whole time."

[Licorice Twist]

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS FILLYFOOLERS ARE GO! :D I died. And then the end. Unexpected! Love it. Hope for more! You get five Applejacks.

[Autumn Wind]

923055

Don't diss the mods, the mods do a good job.

I, for one, am in full support of banning those who have nothing to say but "First". Non constructive, spammy comments that don't have anything to say to the author have no place here.

(The irony is that I'm doing exactly that. Sorry, bookplayer, loved your fic! )

[WereWolfGod]

trolling morning til evening dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png

great 1st chapter. i gotta say im normally not into coltcuddling. not cause the stallion on stallion really. meanly cause no stallion in MLP really interest me. plus Caramac shouldnt be i think. Caramel in my head cannon is related to the Apples so Caramac isnt just coltcuddling but incest as well.

after saying all that i also say that for this fic i'll throw the 'related' part of my cannon out the window. reading a coltcuddling fic is going to be a new experience foe me darling. i hope you dont disappoint.

P.S. i know you wont

[bookplayer]

921982
This is a one shot for now. I'm not opossed to a sequel someday, but with two ongoing projects I can't make plans right now. Glad you enjoyed it, though!

921989
I guess it was worth the wait. That's a surprise, I didn't even know if I should publish it or not. But on your advice, I'll just feel awesome for a bit.

921991
Thanks!

922003
Writing lying AJ is so much fun.

922005
Thank you! And don't worry about the superfluous comments, I totally understand.

922026
Thanks! Yeah, you'll see the term "fillyfooling" around in fics.

922035
Thanks!

[Horsemumbler]

923319
The real irony is that the comment in question was never intended to be anything other than a placeholder until something meaningful could be written.

[bookplayer]

922038
Trolling is so much easier when you have those great big eyes and a cute little bow. Who's suspect such a sweet little filly?

922092
Thank you!

922093
Thanks.

922145
Thank you!

922178
I'm glad you liked it! And I love writing AJ lying.

[Horsemumbler]

923941
As much as I liked this, I'm glad to hear it's a one shot, because that means more Best Young Flyer!!!

[Blank Slate]

Oh, wow, this is way closer to reality than you might think. Seriously, that conversation gets annoying after the sixth time you have it.

Good story all around. Despite being short, characters are fleshed out and true to type, and the dialogue is spot-on. I'm trying here, but really, I have yet to find a single thing to complain about. Good work, a thousand times good work.

[shutaro]

924152
Seriously? The CMC are trolling hard, even in canon.

[bookplayer]

922273
I don't think I quite made it. . . that tends to happen to me. But c'est la vie! I'm just glad you enjoyed it.

(And I was online the night that the "first post" thing finally ticked off the mods. Two users were posting first on every story on the front page, then arguing with each other in the comments when they'd both post at the same time. I don't mind a "first" every now and then, but if I was one of those authors I would have been ticked off too. Besides the fact that I've never seen what was so awesome about posting first. (Also the ban is only for 24 hours.))

922334
I'm glad you have so much faith in me, and I guess it's lucky you like this one! I hope I never disappoint you.

922385
Thank you! Yeah, I would have rather left that off, but I'd rather live in a world where no one would insta-dislike just because a character was portrayed as gay. I didn't really have faith that I live in that world, so I warned. I figured there was still the twist at the very end.

922556
Awesome Dash is Awesome. Glad you liked it!

[bookplayer]

922936
And Applejack will be like . I might someday write a sequel, and in that case things will be much less simple then that.

923110
Maybe someday. I've got The AppleDash Project and Best Young Flyer to write right now, so it might have to wait a while. Glad you liked it!

923580
There's a Caramel Apple, who's a girl, and is an apple, then there's Caramel (the guy) who just has a horseshoe cutie mark, so he's probably not an apple. And this one is just a one shot (for now. It might get a sequel someday.)

But I'm glad you liked it! And thanks for having so much faith in me!

924412
I can imagine! I'm glad you enjoyed this so much.

[DashyJ]

AWW COME ON! REALLY?!?

[Flamesinger599]

Apple Bloom's a boss.

[Blank Slate]

924734 I've done a story using a similar concept (by a good stretch of the imagination, at least) and so I find it nice that others use homosexuality and the Apples. You got bonus points for that, but you hardly needed them.

[Autumn Wind]

924134

Nothing ironic about that.

Why is there even a need for a placeholder, though? Just write what you have to say and send it when it's ready.

[Wasabi-beans]

aww so cute!

[Jackie]

Haha! I loved reading this, really left a smile on my face Hope to hear more from you soon and another update on "The AppleDash Project"

[bookplayer]

924823
Yes. For this story, really.

924850
Don't even try to mess with Apple Bloom.

926114
Thanks!

928054
Thanks! I will be at work on The AppleDash Project tomorrow, expect it this weekend at the latest.

[fluttershywriter]

I was smiling during the whole story, and when the ending came, I laughed out loud. Applebloom wins again!

[Lycan_01]

Magnificent!

Also, nice reference to "Waiting for Godot."

[ElektroNeko]

It was so much fun to read ;3

[Themaskedferret]

That final line just about killed me. Please for the love of cake do a sequel? i'd love to see more of this,

[Ash_Kitsune]

Ahahah, Applebloom the ponytroll.

I like it. XD

[YukoAsho]

Really, the only way that ending could have been better is to have Granny Smith giggling with Applebloom.

BTW:

Cutie Mark Crusaders: Fillyfoolers!

I'm so fucking writing that.

[v-invidia]

Hah, so good!

[TheLastBrunnenG]

Brilliant! I do love a good Slice of Life story. And do you write anything I don't like? If so then I haven't found it yet. Keep it up.

[ElJorro]

ponyderivative.com/images/single/apple-bloom/thumbs/apple-bloom-smirk_thumb.jpg

Apple Bloom you Scamp!

[Lordmomo1919]

That last line nearly killed me. I need more please

[TheOriginalDash]

That was good. I rally loved the ending, because it seems like something my little sister would do.
And of course, Cutie Mark Crusaders Fillyfoolers was the funniest thing i've heard in quite a while.

Good job as always, ma'am, I tip my metaphorical hat to you.