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Cadance has just found out she is a distant relative to the Princess. She has just discovered her true heritage as a winged unicorn, but there is just a few problems. Cadance had has no clue how to be a Princess or control emotions.
Luckily she has a cute filly Twilight, her cousin Blueblood to help her through and Jack.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mlp or any of its characters but the storyline is mine.
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Interesting concept, but maybe you should get an editor?
8406249
Thanks, yeah I think I probably should get an Editor soon.
Thanks for reading
Seconded that it's an interesting premise! Also seconded that it probably could use a good editing pass to clean up some issues with tense, punctuation and slightly awkward phrasing. Thank you for sharing it! Celestia's making financial aid available to the village contingent on Cadance's returning to Canterlot is kind of a jerk move, and I think I prefer it a little later when it's implied that Cady naively (but quite possibly correctly?) believes that she'll have lots of discretionary income to send back home, rather than having Celly dangle it. Jack is an interesting OC and the relationship between these two could be interesting.
8406566
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
This is certainly a lot more emotional and in-depth of a back story for Cadance than what is presented in "Twilight Sparkle and The Crystal Heart Spell". It's kind of refreshing to read a tale that shows how Cadance had to 'learn' to be the Princess of Love instead of always just being that way and ascending to Princess at a very young age out of the blue.
The conflict you introduce on Cadance is certainly relatable. Everyone just wants to fit in. Being an Alicorn definitely does not help her to fit in. Even if she was not known for being a relative to Celestia the citizens would've assumed she was a Princess as a result of her Alicorn appearance. She'd have still gotten the same treatment from the poor town ponies and been hit with the struggle that lead us to the next emotional blow of being separated from her adopted parents.
Sir Jack is definitely a great character, too. He is well developed and definitely one who does his best to be proper despite his traveler / outsider status.
It will be interesting to read more as you get to doing this tale. Cadance is one of my favorite characters and I know you'll do an awesome job of giving her an epic back story. :)
8406920
Thanks
Definitely a lot going on. Plenty of adventure along with a very cunning thief who certainly had a great idea of exploiting talented Unicorns to ensure he and his group were able to succeed where they'd have otherwise tasted failure. Very well done.
I like the way you gave Cadance her Cutie mark in the telling of this story. She realized she cared a lot for those in need, as she did for her family and people back home. It all clicked together to give her that special mark. So it was not rushed as, between the lines, it was all a matter of everything to date clicking together to make it appear.
Jasper is a most intriguing character. Very calm and collected. I am curious what his spell did and if his magic will come into play later as the story unfolds.
Great job. :)
8412766
Thanks, I'm glad you are enjoying it.
Very interesting. The castle itself having its own clinic built into it. It truly makes a lot of sense given how many ponies work and, likely, live there. Moreover a clinic inside the castle would be perfect in the event anything ever happened to Celestia or any other important pony.
Interesting back story for Twilight. I'd never think Twilight Velvet or Nite Lite would not want to visit their daughter every day. However this is a different take on the story and it'll be interesting to see the dynamics between Twilight and her family along with Cadance.
Another perk of the story is seeing how Cadance is trying to make sense out of everything while Celestia is in such a rush to make her a known Princess. There really is a lot of original content coming from this work that ensures it isn't boring. Seeing it all come together will certainly be lots of fun! :)
8414798
Thanks for your support and I'm glad you are enjoying it.
Definitely doing a fine job growing the story. You're also getting noticeably better with grammar and spelling. (]There has not been a point where grammar nor spelling has disrupted the flow of the story. However I do think it worthy to share how you are showing continued signs of improvement as you develop your stories.)
You've certainly done a great job in creating a unique background for Cadance. You've also done well in showing how her personality naturally puts her as one who wishes to give and share love. This chapter had a great moment between her and Sir Jack.
Sir Jack is also a very well developed OC. Making OCs work is not easy. Well done on making him a truly believable part of the MLP Universe. :)