• Published 29th Aug 2017
  • 1,699 Views, 69 Comments

The Seasons of Earth and Love - RainbowSparkle3

Sunset asks Rainbow to come meet her at Sugar Cube Corner. She has a confession to make.

  • ...

The Cold Harshness of Winter and Love

It was a dark, cold day in the middle of winter. Snow assaulted the ground, burying it under a huge, thick mat of wintry whiteness. Though it was only around 5 PM, it was already dark as night outside, and everyone was seeking shelter in their homes, hiding from the relentless blizzard roaring about. It was winter break, thankfully, so the students didn't have to suffer through the storm.

However, two students were out and about regardless of the glacial climate this evening. Sunset and Rainbow.

The couple had just met up at the halfway point between their two homes (which fortunately wasn’t a long walk for either girl), and even though Sunset was wearing a winter jacket with a sweater underneath, thick gloves, two snow pants, and a pair of winter boots, the cold still caused her to shiver quite heavily. Once she caught sight of Rainbow and got within talking distance, she immediately asked, "W-why did you c-call me h-here?" The last couple of times they met was always in either of their homes so they could evade the frigidity of winter. Now that they met outside, Sunset was so cold it was difficult to even speak properly. Rainbow on the other hand was simply wearing a winter jacket and some snow pants, yet she seemed completely unbothered by the cold temperature.

"Well, first of all, we should probably find somewhere warm to sit," Rainbow said, her usually so casual attitude nowhere to be found in her voice. She pointed to Sugarcube Corner, which was conveniently located close by, and they quickly walked in. The couple then went to sit down at the very same table they’d shared when they first kissed all those months ago.

After briefly warming up, Sunset again asked, “So, why did you call me here?”

Rainbow sighed, then abruptly kissed Sunset, whose eyes shot wide open in surprise. She could instantly feel her temperature rising, both because of the kiss pushed onto her lips and the blush now present on her face.

After a few blissful seconds, their lips parted. Rainbow let out another sigh before speaking in a solemn tone. "I had to do that one more time.”

Sunset, still somewhat flustered, said, “What do you mean ‘one more time?’”

"I know this must sound like it came out of nowhere, but..." Rainbow scratched her head and nervously looked around.

Curious, Sunset asked, "Yes?"

Rainbow frowned. Tears started building up in her eyes and her lips trembled. It was clearly not easy for her to speak her mind, which was unusual and got Sunset somewhat worried.

“Well, I…” Rainbow hesitated for a moment, gulping nervously before she finally came out and said it. “I wanna break up.” Sunset froze, her heart seemingly stopped beating momentarily and her gaze turned blank.

After a few seconds, she slowly turned to look at Rainbow, her question almost coming out as a whisper. “You’re...breaking up with me?” Sunset had heard Rainbow very clearly, but she tried to deny the truth. Rainbow hung her head as she replied.

“I’m really sorry, Sunset. But our relationship’s been going downhill for months now! Ever since that afternoon, we’ve been arguing more and more, and I think we’d be better off as...friends?” Rainbow said more as a question than a statement, and she waited for an answer, anxious about how Sunset would react.

An overwhelming amount of sadness rendered her unable to formulate any kind of actual answer. Instead, Sunset began bawling. She tried to hold back her tears at first, but the resistance didn’t last very long. Soon, she held her head in her hands while a nearly endless stream of tears rolled down her cheeks. Rainbow bit her lip and patted the back of her now ex-girlfriend, the usually strong girl also beginning to tear up. "I'll let you think about it. If you don't want to, we don't have to hang out anymore. I understand if you don't, though I'd be really happy if we could remain friends," Rainbow said, standing up.

After hugging the still sobbing Sunset, she reluctantly turned and walked out the store, looking back a few times. She did what she came here to do, and staying around for any longer would likely only make it harder for Sunset, who she didn’t want to cause any more pain to than she already had.

Sunset continued to cry until her throat was sore and her eyes bloodshot. The cold didn’t matter anymore, her grief was colder than anything the world could bring upon her.

After more than 10 minutes of non-stop weeping, Sunset finally managed to subdue her crying, albeit gradually.

Oh, Rainbow, Sunset thought. What made this happen? Sure, our relationship was going through a bit of a rough patch for a while, but I didn't think it was this bad. Sunset looked up to the sky with red eyes, and found herself chuckling dryly.

Oh, what a cruel world this is. Just like the seasons did, our relationship rose and fell. The spring was where it started to blossom, the summer was the height of it’s heyday, in the fall it started to wither away, and winter finally caused it to freeze up. Sunset elicited another dry chuckle. Such melodramatic monologues were hardly her style, but Rainbow always did cause her to act a bit strange. Rainbow… Sunset frowned at the sky while thinking about the fact that she’d lost her relationship with such an incredible girl. However, a hopeful thought managed to creep into her consciousness. If this really is our Winter, then the seasons should soon cycle back into Spring, meaning that our relationship can blossom once more!

Sunset made up her mind. Crying wouldn’t do anything to help her now.

This relationship was far from lost. She and Rainbow made a great couple, and all the good times they had shared together proved it! Sunset got up from her seat and wiped the last remaining traces of her tears. She was gonna talk to Rainbow, and they would stay more than just friends. Sunset’s attitude turned from devastated to hopeful.

Sunset walked out the door and into the freezing streets, but this time a confident stride carried her through them without shivering, the outside cold cast away by a fire burning within her. A fire ignited by love and hope. She had a clear destination: Rainbow Dash’s house.

Author's Note:

And with that, the story ends! Those were the hardest 4 days of my life. :ajsleepy: But it was worth it! This is, in my opinion, the best story I've posted by a long shot, and possibly the best story I've ever written! :pinkiehappy: Thank you everyone for your support on this story, I couldn't have done this otherwise! :ajsmug:
EDIT: For anyone that hasn't read the comment section, there will eventually be a sequel to this. I don't know when, it could be in a few months, or a few years, but hopefully the former. :rainbowlaugh:

Comments ( 27 )

kind words. A bit out of place considering i wasnt available during the final hour now :facehoof:

Guess it was a tad too much exhaustion after all :twilightoops:

Still, i think the story came out pretty good :twilightsmile:

Thats a little creepy and ominous at the ending there. Still though, great job with this story.

Creepy and ominous? I meant to make it sound like there's hope for the future! :rainbowlaugh: If you want, I could make a sequel. I was kinda planning to do that anyways, and if anyone said they wanted one, I would definitely do it. So, want a sequel? :duck:

It just had that creepy vide to it. Like Sunset was going to start stalking her or something like some crazy ex :P. I would want a sequel thank you!!!

Alright, but don't expect it too soon. :twilightsheepish:

A crazy Sunset stalking RD sequel would be kinda nice

Uh, actually, I think that person that disliked this just now did so because they thought that was what was happening. I wouldn't want to reinforce that even more. :twilightsheepish: I already kinda know how the story is gonna go, so, sorry. :ajsleepy:

no worries, it's your story mate, tell it how you will. I rather liked it.

Thanks. I hope that rather ambiguous ending doesn't have more people disliking it. :twilightoops:

I honestly wouldn't worry about likes and dislikes. they're so arbitrary on this site as to be practically meaningless.

Eh, I still enjoy getting likes, and get disheartened when I see dislikes. I get your point though. I personally know 2 people that always dislike my stories when they see them (or at least 1,), but fortunately, they're not mlp fans, so they rarely look at the site, or at least I think (I know, that sounds confusing). :twilightsheepish:

I know what you mean. Everyone likes getting a like. Thing is when you can give a dislike without having to read a story it kinda renders them moot.

Wow - great chapter!
Not only is this your best work, but this is the best chapter.
Your powers of description provide a thoroughly believable backdrop to the drama.
Nice work!

Thank you so much for your words of kindness! :pinkiehappy: But rather it's me and my editor's 'powers of description.' :ajsmug: Like you said, we make a great team. :pinkiesmile:

sequel please

Will do. It's gonna take quite a while, though. :twilightsheepish:

In a romance story, there are two major elements you want to keep in mind.

The first is conflict. This goes for every story, really. There needs to be a problem, an issue that the plot is centered around trying to resolve. Conflicts are the things that challenge our characters, that allow them to grow and change and all that good stuff that storytelling is based around. Not only that, but the conflict needs to be introduced as early as it can be—otherwise the audience loses interest. They don't have any reason to read on, to see how the characters struggle, if there is nothing for them to struggle against.

To me, this is the biggest issue with the story at the present moment. There's no conflict in the first half of the story. Sunset asks Rainbow out with no issue, and the first two chapters just follow them as they go on dates and have fun, with nothing deeper going on. What's the conflict here? What's driving the story?

These first two chapters would be a great place to plant the seeds of their future breakup. In chapter 3, the narration claims that there's "months of anger" behind their argument. Yet, we haven't seen that anger—all we've seen is Sunset and Rainbow being the happiest couple on Earth. Scattering those seeds of broiling conflict into the first two chapters will go a long way towards making the story as a whole feel a lot more engaging, and a lot more tense. Without that, their breakup in the cafe feels melodramatic, not tense and sad, as it should.

The second is chemistry. This is one that's difficult to define, but I guess I can say that it's the interactions between the two lovers that make their romance feel unique and alive. Here, Sunset and Rainbow really don't feel like Sunset and Rainbow... they feel like placeholders, meant to simply go along with the romance plot. There's nothing unique about their relationship, and as such, the romance goes flat. What do they have/do that no other couple does?

Sunset and Rainbow are two really big personalities. They're headstrong, confident, and often stubborn. Let these personalities play off one another. Maybe. just for example, the two of them go running every week together and race. That's something simple, but unique to their relationship, and fits their competitive personalities. Let us see them having a real conversation about something, where their voicing can really shine through. I don't mean this to be an advertisement, but consider my fic The Nightmare I Need, which is a SciTwixSunset fic. Although the fic has a defined conflict that it's always working towards, I also take time to let Sunset and Twi's relationship breathe, letting them talk and joke around with one another about the mundane stuff in their life.

I saw that this is one of your first stories. Keep writing, and keep improving.

Thank you for your feedback! I'll try to go back and revise my story, following your advice. :twilightsmile: I probably would've considered the things you talked about, but I was a bit pressed for time, considering the contest was ending a few days after I'd published the first chapter. Though I guess that's a bad excuse for poor writing and basically missing the two key elements of romance. :twilightsheepish:

Author Interviewer

Really laying on the metaphor there. :V

I'm surprised, though. I was expecting a positive ending to be really disappointing, but you were able to pull out a realistic resolution. I could have done without the monologue in this chapter, and the video games in chapter 2, but this wasn't bad!

Thank you for the criticism and approval! I really appreciate that you took the time to read my story. :twilightsmile:

Decided i'd bump this up my endless list a bit. Certainly wasn't near as bad as you seemed claimed. Liked the seasons angle, writing to such a theme must have made things a little difficult. SunsetxRainbow doesn't seem like an easy pairing either, strong personalities like that often clash easily.

Personally would have liked to see a second spring chapter as a "new beginning" to close the circle. Either with them making up or reconciling as friends. But that's just me. :pinkiesmile:

I do plan to eventually write a sequel, but it'll probably be a lot longer than 1 chapter.

I've reviewed this here.

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