Pinkie Pie wants to help a friend in need.
A filly she had seen quite often in Sugarcube Corner.
She doesn't know the filly quite well.
But Scootaloo really deserves a loving family and the Pies are one.
So this would be great, right?
I have wondered about this right now.
There is no Pinkie Pie / Scootaloo adoption story.
So I think I could write one for you.
Enjoy.
Edited by Bubblemint Scoops. Thanks a lot for your work.
Chapter 1 Edited^^
Chapter 2 Edited.^^
Chapter 3 Edited.^^
Chapters (15)
i like it and i can't wait for more chapters
You have my curiosity. Let's see how this goes.
I little bit of advice, or maybe personal preference, but I find stories like this that're slow burning to be better than ones that get to it right away. Right now it can still be slow burning. Build up some tension, make things at least a little complicated. You got a decent set up, just don't put on the icing before the cake is even done.
I have this problem too and I know it's hard to fix, but try showing you're story as opposed to telling it. It's hard to explain,
"Pikamena, Diane Pie, you have to..." I do not get that quote. Is it a thought? Is some one saying it? if it's a thought use 'Pinkamena, Diane Pie, you have to...' at least that's what I use for thoughts, italics is better for thoughts than quotes, quotes are for spoken word. Lots of different ways to do things I guess, so long as there's some clear idea what's going on.
You're doing good so far, hope I was able to help.
Technically there are at least two Pinkie Scootadopts, but I don't think either of them have attracted much attention.
This definitely looks like it'll be fun to read
8341345
First of all thanks for your comment.
I will do a slow pace story.
The thing with show don't tell. Yes there is a slightly telling part in this scene.
I'm glad for your your improvements and will do a few changes, as you pointed a few tellings out.
Your last question is easy to answer.
Pinkie mumbled to herself, I thought it was clear from the whole setup.
Sorry.
Lethrael
Most people find Rainbow Dash more fitting for Scootaloo, i did too. But after reading this, Pinkie kinda fits more tbh.
8341504
Donnys Boy made a story where Pinkie wanted to adopt Scoots but could not but she does spend time helping out. It was written very early in the show and is quite good I would recommend it.
8342503
Heck why not both? Pinkie and Dash taking Scoots in works on many levels.
This is not what I meant by slow burn at all.
That aside, I see what you're trying to do and it kind of works if only b/c you got Pinkies character pretty good.
I think you meant "a stream of sweat."
Also for the flash back or flash backs in general I recommend you use Italics or something else so it's different from the present happenings. I also recommend you use quotes:
You don't have to, but it's something you can do.
Outside of that, are you using Google Docs? If you don't have Microsoft Word Available to you. I highly recommend Google Docs, and I know it takes time but before you publish it, reread on this website. I don't know why but I can spot my own mistakes more easily here than anywhere else, it must be the bigger font and/or the extra space for sentences.
Only trying to be helpful here. I struggle with my own story, I've edited the first arc of my story like ten times over, and it's still riddled with problems, mainly the showing not telling one I mentioned, that's a real hard nut to crack, for me at least.
ok wait....Because Scootaloo is a tomboy no one wants to adopt her? What kind of strict gender norms dystopia is this?
8348893
This is one of the reasons, yes.
Or it could be just an excuse.
8348967
I'll rephrase. In the letter Pinkie opens, somepony flat out says "No one will adopt her because she's a tomboy", if this is true then the citizens of your equestria are jerks, and if it's not then why is it in the letter? You're better off sticking to the can't fly and not a baby. (Or if you don't want to be boilerplate, you can go deeper into Scootaloo's psyche and how it might manifest). But the tomboy thing just feels like your saying "everything about Scoots is bad".
8349746
I find it rather fitting.
The pony tried to explain what happened and why she think it happened.
Her explanation is, that most of the concaivable parents are pushed away by her behaviour,
rather than her flightless state.
It's a try from her to pull it around for the sake of not offending her friend.
Of course it had mostly to do with her inability for flight, but Nestling wing didn't want to point it out so rudely.
I think.
This would be a lot better with some dialogue tags and descriptors.
Once again, without dialogue tags; Pinkie said, Scootaloo said etc...It's really hard to tell exactly what's going on. And that's before the format and punctuation issues. I love me a good Scootadopt, this has some potential but it needs a really good editor. From your authors note it seems like English isn't your first language (unless you meant something else by translation), so that means you really, really, need to find someone who can help you with the nuances.
I thought I put this in my tracking list. Oh well, I'm caught up now, and looking forward to more.
I love the premise of this story. I cannot wait to see more.
I've seen Scoot's adopted by Rainbow, and given birth to by Fluttershy. This is the first time I've seen pinkie as a major part of the equation. I'm not sure how I feel about it,
, better keep reading.
8435032
8433527
Thanks for your comments and I hope you will like the enxt chapters too.
8442532
You're welcome.
to RaylanKrios: he's German! hope that helps & explains why it's off putting.
now to the author on the latest
in the 3rd chap - how did scoots get into pinkie's bed! did she sneak in while pinkie was sleeping? pains me to say this(comin from a person who his story rejected twice & can't finished it due a change with windows affecting aol drafts!) but you might need to redo the chapter or let go your editor. with chapter 4 - after scoots runs off pinkie goes to see twilight(put a author's note or disclaimer in your fic saying "was before she's alicorn or this takes place in season")...no dialogue between with pinks explaining scootaloo's situation. you should put the location where pinkie's going or say "Ponyville orphanage"
now this chapter the blow up scene with caring heart should be tone down a bit where pinkie's hair deflates goes pinkamena from stress of the situation and say " before you go off on this filly. let tell you something she threw the letter away, out of her bag and fled sugar cube corner. " got the letter from lily who thought it was dinky lost a letter (which you left out in here!) later that night I took the letter to my room ponder over it. that's when gummy my pet alligator open it with his teeth. it very very upset that no pony would adopt her...I didn't even know scootaloo was from here!" you should write "As scootaloo runs out of caring heart's office..." this the part where bloo asks scoots to paint then pinkie saves her. when pinkie remembers something put the word 'flashback'
lastly who is "White Lightning!" another foal at the orphanage or her brother?
8473808
Alright first thanks for your comment, but I have to clearify a few of your questions.
The first question about Scootaloo in Pinkies bed is simply.
Pinkie had left the Sugarcube Corner and stumbled over Scootaloo in the chapter before.
For your second complaint about Twilight an Alicorn or not, in the Chapter
"Why do you want to adopt her? I do say, that Pinkie had just recently learned about beeing not so pushy to ponies, or adonkey for that matter.
And I think that implies, that it is shortly after A friend in deed, right?
Even when you hadn't seen it, the Golden Oaks library is still in town, so Twilight lives there.
For your complain about the location, let me quote from my story directly:
Yes I do write it a few paragraphs later, but it is still there, you know?
Honestly your need for more recapping of the story in the manner of storywriting is strange.
Why have I to make a full recap of something the reade can be aware off?
And even, when the reader isn't aware of it, he or she gets a quick reminder in a short sentence.
And you said, that Pinkie didn't know, that Scootaloo is from Ponyville?
As she mentioned in the very first episode, she knew everypony in town.
So yes she didn't spot Scootaloo in the orphanage, but that's because the filly avoided the orphanage at any costs.
Lastly yes White Lightning is one foal of the orphanage, I thought it would be clear, when Carring adresses it that way.
And why do you think he is Scootaloos brother?
8474631
first off when I had wrote all that was very tried from lack of sleep and my allergies kicked in! sorry if my sentences sounded jumbled up. also it's been awhile since I've watched season one(i have it on dvd & sorry for not getting the reference.) another thing i didn't noticed reading your author's note that your editor quit on you for staying in college...you need to find a way better editor! because there's another user on here who's pointing out the flaws about your "writing, formatting & punctuation issues" in this fic. have you read those comments yet? i stated who it was on chapter 5!
Pinkie had left the Sugar cube Corner and stumbled over Scootaloo in the chapter before.
i just open another window...must've overlooked that part.
but wait a moment doesn't pinkie live with the cakes above Sugar cube corner cause season 5,episode 19 The one pinkie pie knows.
she's talking to gummy in her room & says "wow...i way too liberal with too many pinkie promises."
the twilight alicorn thing - that wasn't a complaint! i wanted you to explain that in description of your fic say "the story you're reading twilight isn't alicorn in this fic. " or do it like "this story is based on it's set during season (blank) or takes place after." so people/readers don't get confused and question the story's setting!
Why I thought he was her brother is what caring heart said to scootaloo "What would you do, if it's about you and White Lightning?"
lastly it's a very good story but needs a lot of work done on it.
dont mind me just waiting for the next chapter
8545968
IM sorry, I'll try to complete the translation next week, but the rel life is a bitch to me right now.
I like it keep up the good work see ya in a month
Naww.
I'm a little confused on what the point of having an overly excited Rumble was, but I imagine I'll learn in due time.
The idea seems interesting, liked it.
I would like if you could keep the story at a slow methodical pace please don't jump straight into the adoption make it feel real OK thank you
Not sure how I feel about it yet, but I try it if I have the time. I just hope Pinkie here fits the mother image a bit, that she can be different when it's needed.
I don't like it that I get the feeling this works with timeskips.
okay Pinkie shouldn'Tt prevent her to read her own letter or take it.
It's difficult, in a way I say Pinkie has no right to hug her or anything against her will, then again Scootaloo is in a state where she maybe needs to be put in a situation where she has no choiche but to talk with someone. There are two of my....uuhhmmm....morals?, clashing with each other, two thing that don't exactly work at the same time if you know what I mean.
Maybe she should just let her have her time at first and then try it again later, but she did it anyway and I guess she learned her lession in the end, or is starting to learn.
best Pinkie ever, she can probably take things seriously if they are important.
Do her parents even need to say something to this?
Well I start to get into the story.
Wow that sounded a bit like, if no one wants her, then I take the leftovers, I'm not that picky. As if she doesn't really wants her.
The story is nice, but it's always a little suprising when you suddenly write about Pinkies past out of nowhere.
Nice chapter, I just really hope eventually timeskips won't feel to unnaturally or as if we would miss out on something.
I....urg.....neeed......aarrrrggg....to stay......grumpy.....for Lord Grump.
I like this and in this story I have many moments where I want to say "I have wished you would have done this and that, but a moment later you actually still do that so I have to deleete that part of my comment again.
8769532
Well thanks a lot for your comments and I hope you enjoyed the ride so far.
Your earlier comment about Pinkie's past is one thing I would like to answer.
I wanted to make sure, that the reader could understand her motivation clearly,
so I wrote a bunch of past experiences from Pinkie into the story.
Like her interactions with her siblings and other stuff.
So the reader could see, where her state of mind and the thought processes were coming from.
And I have to confess it was quite difficult to write Cloudy and Ignatious Pie in the first place.
But luckily I use the point of view from Pinkie Pie and so I can make little hints of loving sentiments from her parents.
I'll see where the story will drive me.
Again thanks for your comments.
It actually wouldn't be so nice to make it an open thing if Scootaloo maybe wants to keep it a private matter.
I liked this chapter, only the one moment where I thought Pinkie would maybe put Scootaloo on the spot by telling more than a few ponies about it sounded a bit mean.
I would say that you should write at a slow pace, I don't want it to end to soon, if it does let something left for a sequel or something, maybe there is not much left to create the same kind of emotions but I think there should be a bit more happening between them even after the adoption before the story really ends.
It would have been probably also nice if Scootaloo should or would act extra clumsy just to get some of the affection and to look how it would feel with Pinkie in the place of her mother. I think her being so shy or something suddenly, means that she is either trying to picture Pinkie as her mother or already does see her like that.
Long story short, the different situation is the cause for her being so nervous I think. I also think her looking at Pinkie the whole time is maybe her trying to figure out how she feels about Pinkie.
It's better to milk the story for all those sad/sweet/cute and nice moments it could/can have in it. Continue in that slow pace, rushing the story would probably make it look weird or at least in a way where you couldn't take it so seriously anymore.
This story get's an upvote right now.
Well...maybe that's a chliche, but maybe there is some treatment that Pinkie could pay for to still help Scootaloo to learn how to fly, even if it should be a bit later than others of her age learn how to fly. This could happen either in a sequel or as a part of this one to stretch the story a bit.
Right now I want an human turned Queen Novo or human turned Pinkies second daughter story for some reason. Some kind of what if story maybe. You don't have to say anything to that right now, just concentrate on this story, maybe I feel different when this story actually ends.
'm just not sure if I had already seen a story where the human turned (mother?), and actually has to take care of a child, even rarer is it that something like this happens withouth the human having to fear for his life when they find out about him or something like that.
oh how I wish the lines where spaced apart
uuhhhmm I don't remember it, did Pinkie or Scootaloo destroy a doll ?
I'm really not sure right now, either this chapter did something with me or it was just my eyes being irritaded or something. I'm really not sure this time, but I like to think this starts to get really nice. With Pinkie making it able that scootaloo can open up a bit and be something others would maybe call uncool, which would made her feel frustrated and stuff is what i mean. Long story short I like it.
However you need to tell me which mummy she means.
8785624
Yes Pinkie landed on one in the Twilight advice chapter.
So it recures from that chapter.
I think it would be work as a crack in the shell quite well and so I used it back then.
And the recurring favourite jam from Scootaloo is another thing.
In all of my fic's scootaloo had bramble jam as her favourite.
And for your last question, I will reveal it in the next chapter, well maybe.
Good chapter.
It was a good chapter.
Oh my god haven't read this story since ch.5! How are you doing man?
there's about 3 spelling errors (in two different chapters) twilight says to pinkie "We can talk. till rarity is here." you meant to write gets.
p.s: I think in part where pinkie talks about scootaloo's doll "she really much loved that doll." the word you meant to put in was very.
btw rumble has parents! in your story I mean.
I realy liked it, not much to say, I simply enjoyed it today.
8845871
It gets better, a little bit,
but life is a bitch right now.
And yeah Rumble has parents.
Why does Scootaloo keep rubbing her nose all the time?
8861501
Cause it's cute I guess.
Or to suppress tears.
I really don'T know, why it happens, but I have written it.
So it's there;)