• Member Since 27th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

No Raisin


I wanna return to monkey.

Comments ( 10 )

Woah.

I'll start by saying this was really well written, and even though this doesn't take much form as a story, you executed the backstory well.

One thing I doubt I understand is the last line. Let me quote:

Do you think there is any chance of Princess Luna returning from her banishment within my lifetime?
Who?

It's an odd sentence, and honestly a little bit unsatisfying to finish reading. Then again, combined with the sad tag and the fact that this isn't much following a story graph I cannot complain :derpytongue2:

There were barely any grammatical mistakes from my read and the detail put into it was really good :twilightsmile:

8132125 So this is kind of subjective, but I think the Slice of Life tag should be used for stories that don't have much plot, hence why most of my fics have that tag. :rainbowlaugh:

The ending, more specifically the last word, I'll admit is a bit esoteric. It's supposed to illustrate how Celestia never thinks of "her sister" by her name, so her reaction to the interviewer saying Luna's name for the first and only time in the fic is odd. It's also a call-back to Luna's first spoken word, but that's more obvious. Probably could've worded the interviewer's question better.

Still, you know, it's a character thing I did. Wrote one about Celestia before, and here we are again. Character over story has kinda been my thing, truth to be told.

8132140
Could see how you do that. I honestly myself do not really get the slice of life tag, nor have I used it in the (one) story I have written.

But always been a fan of reading these short stories, keep it up.

(Note to self: stop commenting and go write fanfiction :facehoof:)

I'm going to assume at one point Cadence and Twilight will fill those fifth and sixth roles. I really loved this fic, and it was very well written!

It was snowing outside, and this was the days before the advent of air-conditioning, so we had to keep ourselves bundled up indoors.

You mean it was before the invention of fire? Because air-conditioning is generally used for COOLING a house. :raritywink:

But wow, Celestia... you predate fire? That's an age joke if I ever heard one! :rainbowlaugh:

8132140 Orrrrr, you could have decided this whole talk was about a PREVIOUS younger sister who was taken by the Nightmare first and is also stuck on the Moon, but the EoH can't help her because she turned to the unforgivable crime of cannibalism and didn't resist.

Luna could be saved because a fragment of her realized at the last moment the Nightmare was lying and used her mind powers to screw with its personality.

THEN you have a setup for more grimdark madness with the twisted middle sister (heh heh, Twisted Sister) being freed by... eh... maybe Twilight messing up a spell. Why not? It's traditional at this point. And then she gruesomely devours many ponies before being blasted by the Rainbow Wave Motion Cannon (a NEW powerup the Mane 6 get which lets them vaporize planets!).

:trollestia:

8133455 Air-conditioning can also be used to heat an interior; that's why it's called "air-conditioning" and not "air-cooling." Although considering the kind of fantasy world that this is, Celestia could well have predated fire. :rainbowlaugh:

8133671 Celestia... so old she predates an oxygen-rich atmosphere and carbon-based plant tissue. :twilightoops:

... and she grew these [pause] wretched teeth that seemed modeled after shards of glass. They were beastly teeth; they were not designed by a benevolent creator.

Yes.

... had turned into a cannibal.

Yes, and thank you.

Who?

...This bit was chilling. I can think of numerous reasons you wrote the answer as this, and why Celestia would say this. None of them are particularly comforting. For a while, I was wondering why this had a dark tag. This has to be why. (Aside from the obvious part about cannibalism being mentioned.) You tend to use very interesting formatting in your works, I've found. I can appreciate that.

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