• Member Since 22nd May, 2016
  • offline last seen Jun 8th, 2022

Mocha Jon

explain later

Mocha Jon Joined 22nd May, 2016 · Offline

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Comments ( 2 )
Mix-up
Mix-up #1 · Mar 31st, 2017 · · ·
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Well you're certainly improving in your writing, it start out a little dull at first, but it is more consistent story wise and I hope it get better at it goes along. the only real issue that I see is the part of the love poison which make it sound like it was AJ that had done it to him and not Apple Bloom. the ice cream seen could have been fore worked on to make it more interesting meet up but it still work. the admissions feel awkward but it work anyway. Keep up the good work.

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