In the land of Arcania, the homestead of the centaurs and gargoyles, there lives a dragon named Spike. After his mother vanishes, Spike is left in the care of his uncle, a bitter centaur named Tirek.
Eight years pass and Spike discovers an old map stored in a wardrobe, along with a shield and a small chest bearing his name. After reading the contents of the scroll, Spike discovers that his mother traveled northwards to a foreign territory called Tambelon.
Taking everything that was left for him in the wardrobe, Spike embarks on a journey north to find out what happened to his mother. However, lurking in the shadows are two mercenaries intent on capturing him for reasons unknown, and the Count of Tambelon, who patiently waits for Spike's arrival.
(Elements of this story come from Dungeons and Discords and Gen 1 MLP)
I presume this means Scorpan is Spike's father? Why, if he hates his brother, does he leave Spike with him? Does he also treat Spike poorly and possibly dislike him? We don't know how Spike feels about his father...
Anyway, it's an awful situation but... it could be worse. I'm surprised Tirek's not more cruel and demanding.
It's a pretty good first chapter and I'm looking forward to more.
Yep that certainly is an abusive caretaker, there. If Spike's father really hated Tirek, why would he send Spike to...
servelive with him?And who are Spike's siblings?
... and Spike has siblings that his father didn't send to
servelive with Tirek?Are they half siblings?
8251632
Dude, you're definitely picking up what I'm putting down with the last part. I can't say much on the siblings Just yet, nor can I really answer the other questions, but I'll leave you with a small hint to one of them.
Pay attention to who Tirek constantly references when he says who left him with Spike.
Good luck, and I hope you're enjoying the story so far
.
8251656
I have. It's entirely possible Tirek is lying about thier blood connection, but it doesn't need to be true for Tirek to be garbage.
And yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Only criticism I can levy at the moment is Spike seems to be being used as bit of a blank slate, so it's hard to distinguish him from any other child put in his situation.
It's still not so bad that you shouldn't have at least ten votes, though.
8251867
Yeah, I can see what you mean about the blank slate. Part of me thinks that's part of the problem of why voting increase is low. Right now it's about 6:1 ratio. Spike is presented as the main character after all, and if he's a blank slate, why would this be interesting down the line?
Any thought's on how to improve? I find comments detailing flaws and giving suggestions more beneficial than anything else.
8251912
How's the next chapter coming along?
8342884
It's coming along well, but there are a few things keeping it back. Next chapter is going to stray away from Spike and Tirek, and go more towards other characters that need to be introduced. Hope you've enjoyed the story so far!
Ah Tirek, you can go buck yourself....and here...we...go.
What a bucking monster! Buck do I hate this guy, poor Spike.
He knows nothing else but a monster.....damn, wonder what it's going to be like when he meets Discord, the god of chaos and Rainbow Dash. This is getting good.
Blood magic does look like it's pretty sketchy there, Spike.
Is... Rarity trying to get him in trouble? She seems to not understand the situation Spike is in, and hopes that Tirek can be handled.
Tirek also continues to be harsh but not totally abusive. I'm surprised he is as defensive as he is about Spike being his nephew, but I do like it.
Almost makes me afraid when Spike fulfills the Runaway part of this. I do hope, narratively, thst he sorta does actually cross a line... otherwise I'll just feel like Spike is making a mistake.
Should this chapter be Rainbow Rogue?
9055598
It should, thanks for catching that.
Seeing Tirek interacting with his family and actual people he respects makes him seem... well not really good, but more reasonable. And everybody seems to understand that Tirek will be angry but are encouraging him to spend time with his grandmother anyway.
It's still pretty unknown as to what exactly the reason Spike is with Tirek, though. What reason is it?
Was Spikes mother leaving enough to take what was a good relationship between his grandmother and her daughter bad? Or did this enmity already exist?
Still, the question of why she left and why she left him with his uncle remains.
Also the question of whether Spike will ever learn magic. It looks like he's studious, and if that's not the problem...
9055675
The enmity existed way before she left. As for the why she left, all you can know is that Scorpan needed something from her and it has to do with Tambelon. As for why she left him with Tirek, it'll be revealed, but the basis is that her trust in Tirek outweighed her trust in Scorpan by several thousand times.
9055825
Well, things were already rather mysterious, but that is all very... concerning. I look forward to finding it out and finding out more.
Oh wow it is already 42k words, isn't it? Is there more burn to come or...
I do appreciate what these last two or three characters has done to Tirek's character and my opinion of him. It's become clear he is actually fundamentally a good person, just... a grumpy and angry person who looks down on everyone. And what it's done to the... vagueness I thought was there, and removed it. It added a new one, though, as to what Kindle exactly is like.
9059926
Thanks! If I'm being honest, I hate it when Tirek is just cruel and nothing else, so I did my best to show him in a different light as time went on. Of course I had to change his base premise from A-Hole that wants power, to A-Hole who has power. I also needed to give him a moral compass in order to keep him in line.
Honestly, adding Selina was a nerve racking experience for me. I needed someone that was naive enough to mention things without having any real stake in them or really understanding them. The problem is, I suck at writing little girls, and worry that she might be the worst part of the story. Part of me has to listen to my cousins to get pieces of dialogue at times.
If you don't mind my asking, what's become clear so far?
9060282
Just what Tirek is. If you look at my previous comments I pretty much assumed the worst of him or wondered how much of a lie everything is. But by now, seeing him defend Spikes mother (his sister, right?) to his grandmother, I'm pretty reasonably confident to take him more at face value. He does seem to care for Spike, but its hard to tell how deep if runs versus his loyalty to Kindle.
And then we get the question of whether Kindle is just as good as she says if her own mother doesn't trust her...
This went from me rooting for Rarity to rooting for Rainbow Dash real quick. A full 180 of thinking Rainbow was too full of herself and wanting to see her fail to being horrified at the prospect of being taken out easily and killed for it.
I guess this continues the question of whether Tirek cared for Spike's mother, or whether he just wants to be free of Spike. Or how much he cares for Spike in the first place.
The first chapter actually reminds me of the game god of war, the one for the ps4. With the way tirek acted at the end reminded me of kratos and his son
Does Scorpan appear in this story?
9497300
Yes he does.
Though I would say that he's a minor character in the grand scheme of things,
9497308
What about the heir to the throne, uh Sendak was it? Will he figure into this story somehow.
9497446
Elric is the heir to the throne, Sendak is his magic tutor. He (Sendak) is a bit of a wildcard that's loyal to all sides of this mess.
But to answer your question, yes, Elric will, but he won't figure in with Spike's journey. He'll figure in more with Tirek's little journey.
Why isn't there a Grogar tag?
9729860
It's mostly due to the fact that I was unaware there was a Grogar tag.
ooo of to the adventure now
If you need an OC, let me know.
really really hope you will come back to this one day, i was so invested.