No sequel *pout*......just kiding its perfect it dosen't need a sequel.

Eh it was an ok fluff piece

7964394
Cinema sin away. I love cinema sins

7964841 Sorry I'm a bit late, but here it goes:

Everything Wrong With

Happy Birthday Flurry

In a whole lot of lines or less.

Spoilers
(duh)

Two full paragraphs of exposition right at the start. *ding*

'Ugly/foreign baby hidden away by their adoptive parent' cliche. *ding*

'Last surviving member of an otherwise extinct species' cliche. *ding*

'Being bullied (to the point of death) because your different' cliche. Not saying that doesn't happen here in real life, but it is a cliche. *ding*

So wait, the princess rushes in and saves the protagonist in distress? That's awesome! Minus one sin. *gnid*

And plus one sin for the protagonist thinking that he was rescued by an angel. Admittedly, a pure white alicorn would look something like an angel, but it's s​till a cliche. *ding*

Protagonist doesn't recognize the alicorn that saved him as the princess, even though there aren't any other alicorns that age, and she is certainly something of a local celebrity. *ding*

Decade+ time skip. *ding*

In any other story, I would remove sins for referencing Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame, but in this it just feels like the story is trying too hard to hammer home the point that the protagonist is viewed as an ugly outcast. *ding*

'Husband gets lost in the mountains' cliche. *ding*

So, apparently the sun can say "hello" just like everyone else in town. I call bullsh*t. *ding*

'Favoritism towards royals' cliche. *ding*

And 'spending everything I have for a piece of jewelry to declare my love' cliche. Dang, there has to be a shorter way to put that. *ding*

Thirty bits is expensive for jewelry. Remember that, because it's going to be important later.

So, this guy sells the protagonist some expensive jewelry, then throws it in a paper sack? Good grief, does he not have any velvet boxes, or even a sturdy paper box? No? Okay. *ding*

So the protagonist says that thirty bits is expensive for jewelry, but then casually hands over two bits for a cup of cider. To put that in US Dollar terms, a soft drink at McDonald's is 1$. Assuming that this cider is better than that, I could see selling a cup for 4$. That makes the necklace he bought worth ~60$. As anyone who has bought jewelry can tell you, 60$ is not expensive. Something must be very wrong with their currency model. *ding*

As opposed to the human named Steve? I mean, he is the only known human in existence. You would think that the ponies would at least know that. *ding*

Blatant shoehorning of a character into the story is blatant. *ding*

'I don't know how to dance' cliche. *ding*

'Mother trying to get her daughter married' cliche. *ding*

Cadence, who met Diamond many times by now, never picked up on the fact that he is a social outcast. *ding*

So, now Cadance is trying to get them together. Next thing you know she will be asking about grandfoals. *ding*

'Protagonist thinks he can't marry the princess because he isn't royalty' cliche. *ding*

Celestia brings her sun down, allowing Luna to lift up her moon.

Scene does not contain a lap dance. *ding*

'I'm cold' cliche, only it's done by the male this time. *ding*

How does one warm up a fire? Put it in a bed with extra blankets and a few hot water bottles? *ding*

'Protagonist automatically assumes that his love interest isn't interested in him' cliche. *ding*

Babe. *ding*

Awkward virgins are awkward. *ding*

Story boos its own bad joke. Minus one sin. *gnid*

Awkward student role-play is awkward. *ding*

This wedding scene is surprisingly well done. A little sappy, but well done. Minus one sin. *gnid*

Story does not include a sequel. *ding*

COUNT: 26
SENTENCE: BEATEN TO DEATH (by a bully)

8175783
Haha! Made my day and thank you for the criticism

8175783 loves your comment, gave me a good laugh at the end 😂

8176115 I really liked the fic, wish there was a sequel 😭

Hmm, ya done good Diamond. Ya done good

Thank you for writing this story I quite enjoyed it a lot.

8274234
You're welcome

This was a very good story.

Perfect fic. Its been a while since I read a story full of love. Added to my favorites an faved 💞

9461373
Sup'