In Which Twilight Sparkle Loses Some Babies and Almost Blows Up Sugarcube Corner
The next morning at seven o' clock, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all gathered in the library. Pinkie seemed unusually quiet and depressed, sitting numbly in the center of the room and staring blankly at the neatly organized books that surrounded her. Fluttershy was curled up in an armchair, trembling, and Rarity was rubbing her back soothingly while suppressing a scream of her own. Twilight was pacing nervously around the room, muttering to herself and scribbling ideas down on a piece of magically levitated parchment floating in front of her (then again, this was not really much different from her normal behavior, so nopony paid any attention to her). Rainbow was simply annoyed that she had been forced to wake up so early; even her usual gasconade was lacking. Applejack appeared outwardly calm, as usual, but anypony who looked deep into her huge emerald eyes could see that she was more worried than she cared to admit.
There was enough nervous energy in the room to power Pinkie Pie's party cannon a thousand times over.
Fortunately, the ponies didn't have to wait for long. Spike swaggered in a few minutes after they arrived, clutching a camera and wearing a pair of dark sunglasses in an effort to seem chill. "Morning," he greeted his friends smugly. "And how did you all sleep?"
A silence thick with annoyance greeted his question; everypony was perfectly aware that Spike knew very well that nopony had been able to sleep at all at last night thanks to their fear of the upcoming thirty days of humiliation.
"I slept great!" Pinkie announced cheerfully, abruptly jolting out of her depression. "And I even had a dream about a talking cupcake named Binkie Bie! Huh... that name sounds kinda familiar..."
Well. Nopony had been able to sleep except Pinkie Pie.
Spike blinked at the strange comment but wisely said nothing. He cleared his threat importantly and stepped onto a short stack of books to make sure that he was the object of everypony's attention, ignoring Twilight's wince as she watched her beloved books being trampled. "Ahem. Mares and gentleponies -"
Six pairs of very unamused eyes stared at him.
The little dragon shuffled his claws sheepishly. "Er, right. Sorry. I'm too used to addressing the crowds at Twilight's lectures." Blushing faintly, he smoothed down the spikes on his head and began anew. "Well. Today's the first day of my birthday present... as you all know. Over the next month, you guys are all gonna try living like each other for a day. You -"
"Cut to the chase already!" Rainbow shouted impatiently, shooting into the air and performing a couple of loop-de-loops at lightning speed. "My hooves are falling asleep! Hurry up!" Rarity threw her a dirty look and hissed, "Manners!"
Spike glared at her, his spikes ruffling with indignation. "Alright, alright!" He held up a piece of crumpled parchment and waved it in the air. "I made a diagram to list all the different combinations that could be picked on any one day. There are -"
"Thirty different possibilities, obviously," Twilight cut in. "One pony has to live like five other ponies, so that's five days, and then there are six of us, so that's thirty days. There are thirty different combinations that could happen today, and the probability of one pony getting to spend a day living like one specific other pony is one divided by thirty. For example, the probability that Pinkie Pie would run the library is one divided by thirty, because there are thirty different possibilities total but only one of them involves both her and the library. Spike, I could have told you that if you'd asked; I can't believe you made a whole diagram! What an anfractuous way to attack the problem."
Spike stared at her blankly, his eyes unfocused. Everypony else looked similarly confused, except for Pinkie, who nodded wisely (whether or not she had actually understood Twilight's mathematics and the fancy word or was just playing along for fun was unclear). "Uh, right," he said slowly, scratching his head in bewilderment. "Anyway... yes, there are thirty possibilities. I'm going to close my eyes and pick one of them now." Everypony watched with bated breath as he firmly shut his eyes and stabbed a claw at his wrinkled parchment. "Today's entertainment will take the form of..." He cracked an eyelid open. "Twilight Sparkle working at Sugarcube Corner!"
Twilight turned white and sank slowly to the floor, her hooves pressed over her eyes, while her friends let out simultaneous sighs of relief that somepony else had been chosen to go first. "Oh, Celestia help me."
"Whoo-hoo!" Pinkie Pie punched the air as confetti, inexplicably, exploded from her ears. Fluttershy shrieked at the intensity of Pinkie's high-pitched squeal and buried her head under a pillow. "Twilight, you're going to have so much fun!"
"But I don't know how to bake!" Twilight wailed, her eyes large and panicked. "Wait - I have some books about baking here. Maybe I could read those first... wait, I'm not allowed to go out of character... Pinkie, you read sometimes, right? Please tell me you read sometimes? I mean, you kind of have to because nopony could ever live without reading! Right? Right?! She threw herself at Pinkie's hooves, looking completely deranged, her glossy mane sticking up in all directions and her eyelids twitching. "Please tell me you read!"
"Sure I do!" she answered cheerfully. "I have lots of recipe books! And I like to read comic books! And the 'Guide to Party Planning' magazines! And random instruction manuals about how to eat bananas!"
Twilight was looking more and more disheartened by the second.
Spike sighed. "Alright, I'll be nice. You can take some books over there. Just remember, you can't ask Pinkie Pie for help. That's cheating."
"THANK YOU!" Twilight shot to her hooves and threw her forehooves around her dragon assistant. "I'll never make you organize the entire library on your own ever again! You're my favorite dragon!"
"I'm the only dragon you know," he muttered, rolling his eyes.
Twilight ignored his sarcasm and pulled away from him. She began to trot briskly around the library, using her magic to collect the books that she needed in a neat stack. Most of them were books about baking, but one of them, conspicuously, was titled "How to Read a Book".
Rainbow Dash scoffed quietly, shaking her head. "Only Twilight would have a book about how to read a book."
"I heard that!" The lavender unicorn frowned up at Rainbow, her horn still glowing with magic as she used it to collate a series of papers entitled "A Treatise on Treaties: The Art of Baking Treats". "You never know when you might some help formulating a good analysis of a book."
Applejack, always the practical one, ignored their playful banter and decided that now was time to pose an important question. "So, Spike, yesterday ya said we ain't allowed t' go 'majorly' outta character an' we gotta act like each other. What exactly does that mean? How do ya know when somepony's gettin' out o' character?" Rarity noticeably pricked her ears, listening anxiously for his response.
He considered the question for a moment and then smiled wickedly, his teeth gleaming. "When you give up and come back to us screaming for mercy. That's going out of character."
Applejqck gulped and clutched protectively at her hat, an instinctive reaction for her whenever she felt nervous. "Sorry Ah asked." Rarity's lower lip quivered as she, too, pictured the various things that could cause her to scream for mercy.
Spike relented somewhat. "You just can't do anything that the pony you're living like absolutely wouldn't do. So Twilight can take books to Sugarcube Corner, because it's pretty unlikely that Pinkie's never read a book, but she can't, uh... you know, not look excited at the idea of a party, for example."
"Got them all," Twilight declared suddenly, bringing an end to Spike and Applejack's conversation. "The books, I mean." Her horn was surrounded by the telltale glow of magic as she used it to levitate the stack of said books in the air in front of her. "At least it's just baking. This could be pretty easy, especially with my books to help me."
Oh, how wrong she was.
***
About fifteen minutes later, the group of six stood in front of Sugarcube Corner, staring up at its vivid facade. It seemed a lot more imposing than usual... but that was probably because everypony was dreading their own inevitable day of having to work there.
"Do none of you ever think about how weird it is that the Cakes' bakery is called Sugarcube Corner, but it's Applejack who calls everypony 'sugarcube' and not the Cakes?" Rainbow asked, trying to break the tension.
"I never thought about it," Fluttershy answered softly, only doing so in order to distract herself from thinking about her own upcoming tenure at the bakery. "Applejack, why do you call everypony 'sugarcube'?
The cowpony shrugged easily, her sharp eyes roving over the bakery's front wall. "Jus' somethin' mah Ma used t' say. That's all."
Rainbow looked disappointed that nopony had answered her question but let the matter drop.
Twilight took a tentative step towards the front door and then halted, her legs trembling. Her eyes were large and frightened. It was completely against her policy to try something new without researching it first, and here she was, doing it anyway.
Applejack stepped up and gave her a firm nudge. "Git goin', girl. There ain't nothin' in that there bakery that can hurt ya."
"Except the ovens," Rainbow interjected wickedly. "And the knives. And the -"
Applejack tugged her out of the air and effectively silenced her with a sharp whap to the back of her head, following it with a passionate kiss that reduced Rainbow to little more than a stammering puddle.
After cooing at the display of affection, Rarity trotted forward and threw her hooves around Twilight's back. "Best of luck, darling. Remember, we'll be here if you need us. I expect we'll be outside the bakery the whole day. You may even find us watching from a window. Also, if you do have to give up, you'll only have to give Spikey-Wikey ten bits anyway - a paltry sum! So please, don't feel too pressured. And whatever the case, please don't forget that your friends are here for you!"
"Yeah!" Pinkie stopped bouncing around long enough to flash Twilight a huge grin a she delivered a statement that probably sounded far creepier than she had intended (or maybe not. You never knew with Pinkie Pie). "We'll be watching you! Always watching youuuuu!"
"With a camera," Spike cackled. "I can already picture you placing ten bits in my claws..." He held up his camera and snapped a quick picture of Twilight. "There. Just so we have a record of what you used to look like."
The implications were all too clear. Twilight gulped and walked hesitantly into the bakery, casting one final glance back at her friends as the door shut behind her with a cacophonous creaking of hinges.
Mr. Cake was standing behind the counter, polishing a plate and humming cheerfully under his breath. His square face broke into a grin as he caught sight of Twilight. "Well, hello there, Miss Twilight! We haven't seen you here in a while." He caught sight of the books hovering in front of the unicorn's head. "Ah! Here to study, I see. Well, how can I help you?"
"A-actually... I was wondering if I could help you." Twilight's voice was unusually demure as she lowered her books onto a chair.
He blinked. "I beg your pardon?"
Her eyes downcast and her head lowered, Twilight began to explain her unfortunate predicament. By the end of her explanation, Mr. Cake's face had gone white. "Y-you want to work at our bakery? For a whole d-day?" he stuttered. "I don't think that's a very good idea, even if it is for Spike's birthday."
"You don't understand," Twilight whispered miserably. "I made a Pinkie Promise."
His face dropped. "Oh, dear."
Pinkie Promises were not something to be taken lightly. Everyone in Ponyville knew that. In fact, everyone in Equestria probably knew that. If somepony had made a Pinkie Promise... well, then, you had better just step out of their way and let them fulfill it.
Mr. Cake worked his jaw. He had seen what happened when somepony broke a Pinkie Promise, and it wasn't pretty. He would honestly rather risk the complete and utter destruction of his bakery than risk having a Pinkie Promise being broken anywhere near him. "Well, I - I guess you'd better work here for the day, then," he said dubiously. "Do you know anything about baking?"
"No," Twilight confessed sheepishly. "But that's what all these books are for."
Mr. Cake swallowed nervously and stepped out from behind the counter. "My wife is on a business trip right now, so I really don't know what she would have to say about this... but since you made a Pinkie Promise... I suppose there's nothing to be done." He cast a critical glance at Twilight. "So, no prior baking knowledge... you said you can't go out of character, right? Am I allowed to give you a tour and some instructions? After all, Pinkie had to learn how to bake at one point too, so it's not really going out of character."
Twilight blinked, looking flummoxed. "Whoa. It always feels like Pinkie was just... I don't know, born knowing how to bake. It seems strange that she had to learn it. Anyway, I suppose you're right. Technically, that isn't cheating."
Inwardly, Mr. Cake sighed with relief; at least he wouldn't have to hand his bakery over to somepony who was completely untrained. He would take this opportunity to teach her as much as possible.
***
About fifteen minutes later, Mr. Cake had finished showing Twilight around the bakery and explaining where various ingredients and cooking utensils were stored. "The two of us will take turns baking and helping customers," he told her. "Most of our baked goods have already been made for the day, but we'll need to bake several more batches of the most popular desserts. So why don't you mind the counter first while I do the baking? That'll give you a chance to finishing reading those books of yours. And then you can -"
All of a sudden, the door burst open and Mrs. Cake charged in, her swirly bun loose and her eyes wide and panicked. "Carrot, we have a problem!" She was far too preoccupied even to register Twilight's presence.
Mr. Cake stared perplexedly at his wife. "Cup? What are you doing back so soon? I thought you were at the Bakery Convention in Manehattan!"
"I was," she panted. "But I had to take the train back. I can't manage all of the customers on my own! And all of our desserts sold out within two hours! We need more!"
Mr. Cake gulped. "The first two hours?"
"Yes!" Mrs. Cake was more flustered than Twilight had ever seen her. "And I'm sorry, Carrot, but you'll have to help me take all the desserts you made for today to Manehatten! The Friendship Express will be here to take us back in five minutes!"
"R-right away," he stuttered, springing into action. He and Mrs. Cake galloped at full speed into the bakery's kitchen and began carefully stacking various desserts into a series of cardboard boxes that seemed to have been placed there for just such an emergency. Twilight watched them with horror. Did this mean she was going to be left at the bakery... on her own?
The Cakes dashed back into the bakery's main room almost at once, expertly balancing several dessert boxes on their backs in a manner that suggested that they were adept at dealing with crises similar to this one. Mr. Cake turned to Twilight, his eyes dark with worry and pity - and fear. He knew that what he was about to say could potentially result in disaster for the bakery, but he also knew that he couldn't ask anpony else for help and risk having a Pinkie Promise broken. "Twilight, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to rebake all of the desserts I'm taking with me so that you can sell them. There's a shelf of recipe books in the kitchen. Also, Pumpkin and Pound are upstairs. There's a list of instructions for how to take care of them... somewhere. Ask Pinkie what to do if you really, really need help. Please make sure the twins stay safe. Good luck! Try not to destroy anything! We'll be back sometime this evening! Bye!" He dashed out of the bakery with his wife without looking back, forcing himself to think about the upcoming journey to Manehatten rather than the state he was leaving his poor bakery and children in. He tried to shake off the feeling that he was a horrible father by reassuring himself that if there was anyone who could foalsit his twins for the day better than Pinkie Pie could, it would be Princess Celestia's favorite magic student.
Twilight's eyes shrank to pinpricks of fear. "F-foalsitting?" she croaked, her knees beginning to tremble. "Ohhhhhh no. Oh no. Absolutely not." She began to pace frantically around the room, looking nauseated. "I - I can't foalsit, I don't have any books on what to do with babies! What if I starve them - or break them - or, Oh Celestia, what if I lose them - I've never done any research on foalsitting before; what am I going to - ouch!"
Her hyperventilation was abruptly halted as she accidentally walked into the wall. Groaning, Twilight sank down to the floor, sticking her hind legs out to either side, and massaged the rapidly growing bump on her forehead.
The pain, however, seemed to clear her thoughts. "Okay," she murmured, wincing as she prodded her injury. "He said there's a list of instructions. I'm good with lists. I should find it."
Feeling more in control of her faculties now that she had a directive, Twilight tottered to her hooves and marched shakily up the stairs that led to the upper level. She figured that the most likely place to find this list would be in Pinkie Pie's bedroom, since she was the pony who usually had to take care of the twins when the Cakes were away.
Standing in front of Pinkie's room door, which was painted a jarring shade of yellow (no, not pink), Twilight couldn't help but feel a twinge of unease. She'd never been in Pinkie's room before and had no idea what to expect. But she knew that it would be crazy.
Conjuring a magical shield around herself just in case, Twilight opened the door and cautiously trotted inside.
Colors. Lots and lots of colors. And polka dots. And paintings. And confetti. And broken party cannons. And banana peels. And, in one corner, a heap of mangled apparatus that suggested that Pinkie had somehow managed to steal one of Doctor Whooves' contraptions.
There was a potent smell of cake in the air. Twilight blinked, trying to clear her head, and stepped further into the room, dissipating her magic shield and making a disgusted face as she realized that the cracking noise beneath her hooves was the sound of age-old cupcake sprinkles finally crumbling. Her eyelid twitched at the sight of the complete and utter disorganization of the bedroom; it was taking all of her willpower not to set about organizing the place at once.
The only two items of furniture in the room were a bed and a battered chest-of-drawers. Well, that wasn't entirely true. There were actually three pieces of furniture, if you counted the personal state-of-the art kitchen that took up an entire wall. Twilight trotted over to the chest-of-drawers and peered at it nervously. It seemed to be vibrating slightly. She didn't even want to know why.
She opened the first drawer and discovered that it contained six bodysuits that had been designed to resemble Pinkie and her friends, complete with manes and tails, neatly folded and arranged next to each other.
"I don't get it," Twilight said aloud. "Suits of us, I could almost understand. Almost. But really, who needs a costume of themselves?"
Feeling more than a little creeped out, Twilight hastily closed the drawer and moved on to the next one. To her relief, she instantly noticed the list she needed, sitting between a selection of fake mustaches and a bowl of green beans. She picked it up and got the hay out of that bedroom as fast as her legs could carry her before she learned the hard way what was causing the furniture to vibrate.
***
The first item on the list was, 1) DON'T PANIC.
Well. Too late for that.
The next item read, 2) GET THE BABIES SOME MILK AS SOON AS THEY WAKE UP. IT'LL STOP THE CRYING.
Twilight sighed contentedly. At last, a concrete instruction that she could follow. She closed her eyes with relief and rested her head against the counter.
"AAAAAAGH!" she shrieked, shooting up faster than she'd ever moved in her life and darting into the kitchen. She'd forgotten that she had to bake all of the bakery's goods for the day!
On the verge of hyperventilating again, Twilight galloped over to the shelf of recipe books and used magic to pull all of them down. She didn't have enough time to read her own books... she was going to have to start baking without doing a single ounce of research.
Uh-oh.
Twilight flipped the book open to the first recipe - Marzipan Puffs - gathered her ingredients and utensils as expediently as possible, and began to bake, her throat dry and her heart pounding.
***
Her first attempt turned out well.
So did the second, and the third, and the fourth.
It was during the fifth attempt that everything went wrong.
Twilight was just sliding her first batch of Cream Cookies into the oven, feeling as though she might have some talent for baking after all, when the bells hanging above the bakery's doorway jingled, signifying the entrance of a customer.
She shoved the treats in the oven, dusted off her hooves, and trotted out of the counter, pasting a large grin on her face and trying to ignore the mild headache that had just made an appearance right where she'd hit her head earlier. "Hello, how may I help you?"
Bon Bon stared at her confusedly. "Twilight? What are you doing here? And why is there flour all over your face?"
She laughed awkwardly and wiped her muzzle with her hoof, still smiling widely in her best impersonation of Pinkie Pie. "Oh, you know... just trying something new!"
"Well, good for you!" Bon Bon beamed at her, her dark curls bouncing over her shoulders. "Anyway, I'm here for my usual."
"Your usual..." Twilight gulped. "And... that would be..."
"Oh, right! Sorry, I forgot you're new. It's Cream Cookies. I usually pick up a box of twelve every morning. Lyra's crazy for them."
Twilight exhaled, relieved. "Oh! Well, you're just in time. Those are in the oven right now. They'll be done any second..."
***
Outside the bakery, Spike, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity crowded around the window, watching Twilight anxiously. Spike gave a wicked grin as he scrolled through the pictures on his camera. His favorite was the one of Twilight walking into the wall.
"Um," Fluttershy whispered, "don't you think we should tell Twilight that whatever she put in the oven is burning?" She gestured to the wisp of black smoke that had just come curling out of the kitchen.
"Ah'm with 'Shy," Applejack interjected. "It ain't right t' not say anythin'."
"Are you kidding? This is priceless," Rainbow scoffed, much to her marefriend's annoyance. "She's already walked into a wall and had more than one panic attack! This is the best thing I've seen in ages!"
"I hate to say so, darling, but we can't really help her without breaking our Pinkie Promise," Rarity said.
Applejack glared at her stubbornly. "We promised t' take turns livin' each other's lives. We didn't promise not t' help each other if'n we need it," she pointed out cleverly.
"No, you promised to play my game exactly the way I want it," Spike cut in. "And one of the rules is that you can't help, you can only watch. Besides, Twilight will notice that her cookies are burning on her own. Probably."
Applejack sighed, defeated, and went back to watching the spectacle that was unfolding inside.
***
Bon Bon was in the middle of telling Twilight all about her latest escapades in Manehatten with Lyra when she suddenly broke off, looking curiously over Twilight's shoulder. "What's that?"
Twilight spun around, wincing as the sudden movement made her head throb. "Oh. My. Celestia."
Black smoke was pouring out of the kitchen, accompanied by a smell akin to that of burned toast.
She gulped and spun back around to face Bon Bon, who was looking rapidly more and more perplexed. "Eheh... if you'll excuse me..."
The lavender unicorn galloped into the kitchen at full pelt. Coughing and choking, she used her horn to siphon the smoke out of an open window and hastily turned off the oven. The Cream Cookies were blackened to a crisp and were completely unsalvageable.
Great.
Twilight distastefully scraped them into the trash can and then returned outside. Bon Bon's face brightened. "My Cream Cookies?"
Twilight took a deep breath, fighting to stay calm. "I regret to inform you that they have met an unfortunate end."
"You mean... you burned them."
She threw her hooves up in the air. "Well, is it really my fault? I had absolutely no time to research the matter before I started! I could have drawn up so many charts! I could have sketched so many diagrams! I could have been one hundred percent prepared! But noooooo, I'm stuck here instead with a whole bakery to take care of not to mention two little foals not to mention that every move I make is being photographed by my friends!" she screeched, forgetting her grasp of good grammar in her annoyance. "This day could literally not get any worse!"
And then the twins started crying, their reedy little voices floating all the way downstairs.
Twilight's eyes gleamed insanely and her lips curled in a very dangerous smile. Bon Bon, who was no stranger to such looks from her marefriend, Lyra, gulped and backed away. "Well... I'll just get out of your mane, then..." She turned tail and sprinted through the doorway, vanishing faster than you could say 'party cannon', feeling that she would rather face the wrath of her marefriend for returning without cookies than the wrath of Twilight Sparkle.
Giggling deliriously to herself and still wearing a crazed smile, Twilight trudged upstairs to attend to the twins, retaining just enough presence of mind to collect the list of instructions and two sippy cups full of milk.
The twins were lying on their backs in a shared crib, bawling in exactly the sort of high-pitched, reedy tone that drove Twilight mad. Their pillows were already soaked through with tears, and were growing damper by the second. Standing at the threshold of the nursery,Twilight drew in a deep breath to calm herself down and then entered the room. "Shhhh, my little ponies," she murmured, treading softly over to the crib and peering down at the wailing twins. "I brought you your milk." Her horn glowed with magic as she used it to levitate the sippy cups in front of the twins' mouths.
To Twilight's unmitigated relief, they stopped crying at once and greedily grabbed at the cups, sticking them in their mouths and blinking happily up at Twilight with innocent eyes that belied their previous temper tantrums. Twilight sighed with relief and flicked a bead of sweat off of her forehead. Disaster averted. Along with another headache. "Whew," she muttered to herself, mentally checking item number two off of the list.
Item number three read, 3) TOYS. PUT ALL OF THEM IN THE CRIB. THAT SHOULD KEEP THEM OCCUPIED FOR A WHILE.
"Easy enough," Twilight announced to the room at large. A large mound of dolls, rattles, and various other playthings was piled in the corner of the room. A faint radiance glittered around her lavender horn as the entire pile rose into the air and floated, seemingly of its own accord, into the crib. Pumpkin cooed happily and reached out a sticky hoof for her favorite teddy bear, sucking on her sippy cup (and one of her hooves) all the while.
Twilight's eyes crinkled fondly as she smiled down at the twins. They really were quite adorable. She reached out a hoof and gently brushed it along Pound's stylish brown quiff, which would have made Doctor Whooves proud. He gave a grunt that was somewhat muffled by his sippy cup and waved his hind legs in the air.
She shook herself and stepped away from the crib. There was no time for this kind of dawdling; she had an entire bakery to stock. Twilight tiptoed out of the room and gently closed the door behind her, trotting back down the stairs with something akin to a skip in her step.
In her haste, she completely ignored the next item on her list, which was written in huge red writing and underscored with three thick, dark lines.
4) PLACE THE NETTING FROM THE THIRD CABINET DRAWER OVER THE TOP OF THE CRIB BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE ROOM... OR THE TWINS WILL ESCAPE!!!
***
Twilight's good mood deteriorated rapidly. By twelve-thirty in the afternoon, she was at her wit's end - a rather hard feat to achieve, considering the enormity of her wit. Just about everything that could have gone wrong had. After her failure with the Cream Cookies, the rest of Twilight's attempts had become rapidly more and more disastrous. The Sugar Cookie Cupcakes, which should have risen in the oven, had ended up being about an inch tall. All four batches of Honey Buns had come out soft and squishy on the inside. She had somehow substituted vinegar for oil in the Chocolate 'n Cherry 'n Cheesy Tarts. And she suspected that the milk she'd used for the Vanilla-with-Raspberries Cake had gone more than slightly off.
Additionally, the day seemed to be dragging on forever, and Twilight hadn't had any time to fix herself some lunch. Her stomach was literally rippling with hunger.
Most disturbing of all was that Twilight had been so desperate to have something to sell to her customers that she had displayed all of her failed desserts out front anyway.
Perhaps not her most rational decision.
All of the ponies who entered Sugarcube Corner could talk of nothing but the mystery illness that had struck half of Ponyville, resulting in hordes of ponies begging to be admitted to the hospital on account of upset stomaches. Nopony but Twilight seemed to realize that all of the ponies who had been affected had all bought a slice of cake at Sugarcube Corner about half an hour before the first symptoms struck them.
Yep, that milk had definitely gone off.
A tiny measure of guilt began to wedge itself into Twilight's mind, and she wondered if she should remove what remained of her failed deserts from the display case. Then the (rapidly shrinking) part of her mind that still retained its sanity quickly cautioned her against it. If she did that, then she would be forced to admit to all of Ponyville that she had messed up, and failure was absolutely not an option.
Well, she'd already failed, but having to admit it would be even worse.
Just as Twilight had decided to leave all of the desserts in the display case, the door swung open and Doctor Whooves and Derpy walked in, the former looking rather dashing in a well-cut navy pinstriped suit.
Twilight's face broke into a relieved smile. She didn't even have to ask what Derpy would want, and muffins had actually been one of the few desserts she'd made earlier that morning that had turned out well. "Good afternoon," she called out. "Some muffins, I'm guessing? And how can I help you, Mr. Whooves?"
Derpy nodded her head rapidly, her eyes bright and her muzzle creased by a goofy smile. Doctor Whooves, on the other hoof, trotted forwards and bent his head to peer quizzically at the items in the display case. "Hmmm, I think I'll have a slice of banana bread -"
"NOOOOO!" Twilight yelped. She didn't even want to think about how badly the banana bread had turned out. "I mean... eheheh... could I interest you in a scoop of banana ice cream instead?" Please, she prayed silently.
"Um..." The stallion's eyebrows drew together. "I suppose?"
"Oh, holy horsefeathers, thank you." Twilight rummaged around in one of the cabinets for a second and procured a small bowl, which she filled with banana ice cream from the freezer. She then pulled out one of every type of muffin and collected them all on a plate, adjusting their positions with a critical eye until they were arranged in a perfectly symmetrical pattern. Then she slid all of the food over the counter. "That'll be sixteen bits," she announced, her brain calculating the charges at lightning speed.
Doctor Whooves handed her a few coins. Twilight stared at them and blinked. "These... are not bits."
His face went bright red and he hastily scooped the currency back into his hoof. "Oh, I'm sorry, I was visiting Akhaten yesterday, I must have gotten a little mixed up..." Blushing, he hid the coins inside one of his suit pockets, handed over the correct change, and reached out to grab his ice cream.
Derpy grabbed the muffins and stuffed them in her mouth all at once before exiting the bakery with the Doctor, who seemed completely unperturbed by his companion's strange behavior, even when Derpy walked right into the wall a couple of times. Twilight patted herself proudly on the back. At least she'd managed to deal with one set of customers properly.
The lavender unicorn trotted back into the kitchen after pausing to stick her tongue out at Spike and the girls, whom she'd caught spying on her from the window. She was humming gaily under her breath; perhaps the rest of the day wouldn't be such a lost cause after all. Next, she was going to try her hoof at baking vanilla soufflés, which she knew were one of Sugarcube Corner's most popular desserts.
Thanks to her magic, she was able to mix together five batches of soufflés in less than an hour... and, to her relief, the mixtures didn't taste half bad. Feeling a surge of satisfaction, Twilight all of the batches into the ovens, of which there were five, and set the timer for twenty-five minutes. Now it was time to check on the twins again.
***
The crib was empty.
Twilight blinked and scrubbed her eyes with a hoof, hoping against hope that she was hallucinating.
She wasn't. The crib was still as notably empty as it had been before.
And her day had just been starting to go well.
"Oh, no no no..." The unicorn dashed over to the crib and lifted the blankets, a completely irrational move considering that the blankets were too flat to possibly be hiding even just one foal, let alone two. Then again, Twilight had gone beyond rationality about five seconds ago.
Click.
Twilight spun around just in time to see Pumpkin and Pound shut the door and zoom out of the room, one flying and one toddling, both of them moving at a speed that should have been impossible for foals of their age.
Her jaw dropped. "You gotta be kidding me." She curled a hoof around the doorknob and tugged. It was locked. Frowning, she tried to use her magic to unlock it, but to no avail.
"Why the hay is this door locked from the outside?" she demanded. Her mind was too far gone for her to realize that having foals as wild as the Cakes' kind of necessitated having doors that locked from the outside. It even made sense that the doors didn't respond to magic, since Pumpkin was a unicorn.
Twilight whirled around again and watched in horror as the Cake twins shot up the street outside, squealing with mirth. Nopony outside seemed to be paying them any mind. This was an absolute nightmare.
It was complete and utter desperation, the kind that she had never experienced before, that drove her to do what she did next.
Twilight galloped over to the window, opened it with a burst of magic, and jumped out.
Fortunately, her preservation instincts kicked into overdrive, and her horn flared with magical energy as she automatically teleported herself safely to the ground. She cracked an eyelid open and patted herself down to make sure that she hadn't broken anything. Everything was whole and unharmed except her sanity... and her dignity. That was probably the most undignified thing she had ever done.
Twilight shook her head to clear her thoughts and bolted away down the road, adrenaline coursing through her veins and somewhat lessening the effects of her panic attack. Her friends stared at her in bewilderment as she streaked by them. "Sugarcube?" Applejack asked concernedly, her big green eyes brimming with worry. "Y'alraght? Ya look -"
"No time to talk!" Twilight shouted over her shoulder, her normally straight and symmetrical mane, now frizzy and tangled (which always happened whenever she underwent immense stress), whipping behind her as she ran. "I'm kind of having a little emergency! Don't worry about me! I'm completely in control!"
Spike knew that something was wrong, but that didn't stop him from raising his camera and snapping a picture of her bedraggled figure as she hightailed it out of there.
***
The twins had vanished.
Twilight had just spent forty-five minutes scouring the whole of Ponyville. She'd checked the library, Sweet Apple Acres, the furniture store, the library, the market, the library, and even the spa, just in case Pumpkin and Pound had felt an overpowering urge to get a manicure. She'd checked under (and over) every bridge, behind every door, and on top of every roof. The twins had simply disappeared.
Only by sheer willpower did Celestia's most advanced student refrain from collapsing in the middle of the street and bawling her eyes out.
Twilight collapsed anyway, but she managed not to cry. It wasn't fair. Why did all of this have to happen to her? Why couldn't Spike have asked for something else for his birthday? Why did he have to make Twilight, who was more at home in a library than in a home, go so far out of her comfort zone and spend a whole day operating a bakery -
The bakery.
The soufflés.
They should have been taken out of the oven more than twenty minutes ago.
Oh no.
Her exhaustion fueled by sheer terror, Twilight struggled to her feet and began to run back to the bakery, her face grim and set. Maybe, just maybe, if she were lucky, she could do something.
She galloped up to Sugarcube Corner, opened the door, and...
BOOM.
A shockwave of smoke, blackened and crispy bits of soufflé, and the shattered remains of the glass pans the soufflés had been cooked in hit Twilight in the face, sending her flying at least fifteen feet backwards. She landed hard on her back, her headache from her earlier impact with the wall compounded by a piece of glass - thankfully, it didn't have any jagged corners - that hit her forehead just below her horn.
Ominous grey smoke billowed out of Sugarcube Corner, twisting and roiling as it spiraled up into the sky. Twilight could dimly make out the kitchen wall, which was spattered with explosions of black soot.
She stared numbly at the ruinous interior of the bakery and then allowed her head to fall back against the cobblestones. It was just too much to cope with.
And then, as if to compound Twilight's dismay and general feeling of uselessness, Pumpkin and Pound Cake dropped right out of the sky from nowhere and landed on her stomach, giggling softly and pounding her fur with their tiny hooves.
As the road filled with ponies who had come to gawk at the damage, Twilight's friends hastened to her side and peered over her, a circle of six worried faces. "What are you guys looking at?" Rainbow Dash roared to the crowd of ponies, many of whom were staring at Twilight and murmuring to each other. "Nothing to see here! Clear out!" Most of them decided that it would be wise to heed her demand and beat a hasty retreat.
"Are you alright, darling?" Rarity inquired worriedly, holding one of Twilight's hooves. "What happened?"
Applejack brushed her hoof against Twilight's forehead and winced sympathetically, her jade eyes alight with concern. "Hoo-boy, those're some mighty big bumps."
The ends of Fluttershy's mane tickled Twilight's muzzle as she leaned in. "Twilight, please tell us you're alright," she said softly. "We're really worried about you."
"I'm with 'Shy," Rainbow chimed in, hovering in the air a few feet off the ground. "You don't look too good, Twilight." With exploded soufflé all over her face, two bumps on her head, a mane and tail that looked like they had slowly been fed into a blender, and a pair of foals bouncing around on her stomach, Twilight did look rather frightful.
Spike found that he was feeling rather guilty. All of this was his fault, after all. He cleared his throat and took a hesitant step forward. "Um... Twilight? Are - are you okay?"
Twilight was silent for so long that her friends began to worry that she'd somehow fainted with her eyes open. Then she croaked, "I give up."
Spike leaned closer. "Huh?"
"I give up," she repeated exhaustedly, her eyes unfocused and her horn nearly drooping with weariness. "I can't take it anymore. I just can't run a bakery. Or foalsit. I'm done. Spike, I owe you ten bits."
"Whoo-boo!" The little dragon pumped his fist in the air. "Gems, here I come - oh." Everypony was staring at him with matching glares. "Eheh... sorry.' Lowering his head, Spike shuffled his feet and patted Twilight's forehoof. "You did a pretty good job, Twilight. You lasted almost six hours." He was actually quite impressed by her tenacity.
"You have a long way to go though!" Pinkie added cheerfully, scooping Pumpkin and Pound into her hooves and squeezing them into a tight hug. "I can last for twenty-five hours in a whole day! But that's okay! You'll get better! You just need some more practice!"
"There aren' even that many hours in a day, Pinkie," Applejack pointed out dubiously, her eyebrow raised in that famous Stare of hers, which had been known to rival even Fluttershy's.
She looked surprised. "There aren't?"
Rarity eyed the interior of the bakery with distaste, but then her eyes brightened. "Why don't we all clean up the bakery for Twilight to get it back in working order? All of us working together could do it with ease, I'm sure."
"Good idea! And I can go and do some baking," Pinkie agreed. "In fact, I'm gonna go start right now! After I put these little cuties to bed." She ruffled Pound's hair and booped Pumpkin's nose before zooming inside the bakery.
Everypony else agreed wholeheartedly, even Spike - who had decided that Twilight's efforts more than merited some help, despite the rule he'd made that forbade helping - and followed her inside Sugarcube Corner. "We need to talk about your dedication to getting the job done, Twilight," Dash commented, resignedly eyeing the mess that she was going to have to help clean up. "You have way too much."
Twilight tried to rise to her feet to aid in the cleanup effort, but Spike pushed her back down. "Stay here and rest," he told her softly, before heading over to the bakery himself. "You've earned it."
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Don't have the same pony switched two days in a row.
One sort of fun thing would be if the pony who was switched was the next to be switched.
So, that would mean that the next chapter would be about Pinkie trying to be one of her friends for the day. (But not Pinkie as Twilight. In fact, you should save that one for the end. Let Spike's month end the reverse of how it began.)
I love it. I can't wait for who will be next
Oh please don't let this story be one of the good ones that fade into incomplete territory. Please!
Still, I'm really liking this. The only problem is that the girls, or Spike for that matter, can no longer call off the whole challenge. With that Pinkie Promise in play, they're forced to do nothing but go along with it. Let's just hope that there's a plus side at the end of this.
Does the sudden AJ/Dash shipping free kiss add something to this fanfic? And/Or is it for the sake of it, out of the blue and without background?
About the chapter in general, having to tend to the bakery, re-bake everything and taking care of the foals at the same time sure was too much for one pony. I think even Pinkie couldn't. The Cakes should get an oven who can be set on stopping itself as the timer gets to 00:00!
7929130
Ahhh, clever idea! I might just do that. ;)
7929144
Thanks. ;) I can't wait to write it!
7929164
Haha, I'll try not to let it fade away! ;) yeah, good observation. I guess the plus side is that they'll all gain a greater appreciation of how hard they all work on their respective jobs? Hmmmm.
7929213
Nah, it doesn't really add anything, I have to admit I just added that for my own enjoyment. Although in my defense it's not entirely out of nowhere - I did mention in the first chapter that there would be a tiny bit of appledash shipping.
You could be right. It does seem like a lot of work even for pinkie pie.. but, I mean, not every day would be like that. This day in particular, Twilight just got really unlucky because the Cakes had to leave.
7931663
I didn't mean the author note. I meant story wise. I am not against shipping but I'm growing weary of seeing dozens of fics containing backgroundless shipping.
7931706
Ahhhh, I see. Well, I'm trying not to mention it too much. This chapter I really only mentioned it very briefly so I could make the joke about turning rainbow into a stammering puddle. In future chapters, I'll really only touch on it every so often and there will probably be chapters where I don't actually mention it all. I guess I could try to just emphasize how strong their friendship is rather than putting so much emphasis on them being marefriends, though.
7931711
I agree with showing the strength of their bond instead of just to write "kiss".
They do have an out. They just have to give Spike 10 Bits for each one they feel there is no way they could pull off. So, Spike could earn 300 Bits if they all decide to quit. But I don't think AJ or Dash would quit. Except Dash as Fluttershy. She'll have the 10 Bits ready for that one to come up. (Repeat of the Cutie Mark Mixup? Those animals tried to cook her!) Just like how Fluttershy would not want to deal with being Pinkie. (too many ponies to deal with)
7931750
They definitely do have an out, but I think it would be cheating for me if I let them take it. That would just be a way for me to get out of writing hard chapters. So I'll make it so that they still have to try.
7931723
Alright ;)
7939938 True. But if Rainbow does just pay up right when Spike selects Rainbow as Fluttershy (Rainbow: Here's your 10 Bits. I'm not letting Angel and his mob get another chance at me), that means Spike picks again. Thus Ponyville does NOT get a break from the craziness, but it will be over a day sooner.
I also forsee that AJ as Rarity will go a bit different that it did during the Cutie Mark Swap. After all, we know that AJ can do the high society voice and manners when she needs to.
The craziest ones will be when they have to be Twilight. Especially Rarity. She'll WANT to act as she thinks a Princess should, but that's not how Twilight acts. Will Spike fault her for it, or will he be too lenient with the mare he adores?
7939975
Wow, you're coming up with some great questions here. You're right about twilight, I never even thought about that! Hmm...
7948275 And Rarity or Rainbow as AJ will be more a test for AJ than Rarity or Rainbow: How long can AJ hold her temper watching her friends imitating the way she talks? My guess: ...Twilight, you do have that FREEZE spell ready, right?
7948523
Oh my GOODNESS. I literally never thought about that! Suddenly, a whole new world of possibilities has opened before me... wow. The chapter where Rainbow has to imitate AJ is going to be absolutely hilarious.
7948939 Glad to be of assistance. Ideas I have many, but writing talent I have not. My cutie mark is about knowing trivia and looking up trivia. Nothing to do with writing.
It helps that I have over 3 decades of TV viewing and reading stuff to pull ideas from. (I'll be 40 in a little over a year)
7948959
That is super cool. Not many people have that talent. :) and I bet that does help! what tv do you like to watch?
7949060 Growing up I watched Sesame Street, Card Sharks, Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, Transformers, GI Joe, MASK, MLP, Smurfs, Wuzzles, Gummi Bears, Tailspin, Sonic the Hedgehog, 3-2-1 Contact, Square One, Carmen Sandiego (cartoon and the two live action game shows), TMNT, Power Rangers, Star Trek (TOS, TAS, TNG, DS9, VYG, ENT), various documentaries on PBS (I really enjoyed the travel ones with Michael Palin), Sailor Moon, Pokémon, and many other shows. These days, I seem to like watching the Food and History shows on Travel Channel and Food Network. I also like Legends of Tomorrow, and am very anxiously waiting for new episodes of Doctor Who.
7949789
Oh, I used to watch some of those! Jeopardy and Sesame Street were my faves. :) and DOCTOR WHO! Yes! I'm so excited to see the new companion in action. I miss Clara though. But Donna was my favorite. ;)
let pinkie have a dragon suit that looks the same as spike.......lol.
also, this is just a request as well.
1) all of them make spike go one whole day acting as each of them.
consider it as payback.
it will be hilarious to see spike taking care of children, making dresses, clearing the clouds by acting as rainbow dash.......etc.
don't forget about the cutie mark crusaders as well.
8034683 Oooh, good idea! Maybe I'll turn that into a sequel story that connects to this one. I'll definitely take your request! ;)
8053512
Oh, they will, don't worry. And Rainbow is totally gonna blow it and make AJ super mad;)
8054641
Oh man, I have no idea. I've been so busy... I'll get it up as fast as possible, I swear. But I really have no idea.
8061043
No worries! I'm just glad to know there are people who actually care about my writing,haha. And just so you know, it may be a while before I update this story, but I have a new one coming out on April first and another one a few days after that, so once those are done I promise I will try to get to work on this one again! Thanks for encouraging me!
8062684
Aww thanks! That's really sweet! I'm actually really excited to get back to writing this;)
8062745
Thanks;)