• Member Since 25th Oct, 2016
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago


Just your average, useless person who thinks that this whole 'life' thing is overrated.

Comments ( 123 )

I hate to break your heart, but people are going to deride this as "edgy". And general wisdom is that if you have all the chapters of the story written out ahead of time, to release the first three or four at once, and then release another chapter every couple days or week. That way it doesn't seem too intimidating when it's first published and you can keep interest hi I having it continuously update.
Also, you should get yourself some cover art.

Best of luck! :twilightsmile:



Thanks for the comment.

1. I realize that many consider human stories as 'edgy' - and human + sf will probably by even more 'controversial' - however I just hope people who down-vote will let me know why (and that the only reason for down-vote is not 'it's human, it's sf - so let's shut it down'), it's hard to improve any possible further stories otherwise :)

2. Actually it's funny - this story was finished about two weeks ago, and I postponed the release until I revised all chapters (which took those two weeks) - I thought it's better to release the complete story at the same moment, not few chapters at a time - good to know it's the other way around.

Best regards.

Ok not bad. Never mind the more I read the more I like it. See next post.

A decent story, but I have one question. How in the hell did nobody important die?

~Crystalline Electrostatic~



Now I don't know if this was meant as edgy-good (as in - this think is trying to be ambitious and breaking new ground) or edgy-bad (as in - this thing is mishmash of knickknacks, characters are shallow, grammar is bad and story is unreadable) ? If the latter - could you elaborate some more why is it too edgy?

After reading this:


I can understand that some people simply don't like dark/gore/mature content related to MLP - but that shouldn't be the only criteria to automatically mark the story as bad.



Thanks, I'm just glad somebody enjoyed it - and thanks for the following - perhaps I will try to write some more in the future, but I doubt it will happen soon (including all reviews and grammar fixes - this story practically took me 2 months).



Thanks, as for the question - three reasons:

1. If you read the whole story than technically the princesses died... OK for a few minutes but still :)

2. I'm a strong believer in continuation - this is possible the 'intro story' for the OC and if I'll decide to write some more stories including him, it could complicate matters to have some of the main characters dead - don't get me wrong, I know it can be done - but I'm afraid that - to do it 'right' is simply beyond the scope of my limited abilities at the moment (perhaps I will try in the future though).

3. I don't know why, but I usually don't like stories where some of the main cast dies (unless the story is directly driven by the death of that character - like in suicide stories) - just personal preference I guess (this may change in the future).

7801272 I like good stories. Find a good proof reader! Besides that I saw nothing wrong I like the flow and pace. I hate to ask but are you writing to tell your story or to get likes? I saw some of the advice you some you got. So I had/have to ask.

7801283 I get you, but still, maybe not death but some kind of injury or something...

~Crystalline Electrostatic~



Find a good proof reader! Besides that I saw nothing wrong I like the flow and pace.

Perhaps I will try that with the future stories, right now I tried following the Ezn's guide from FAQ.

I hate to ask but are you writing to tell your story or to get likes? I saw some of the advice you some you got. So I had/have to ask.

Let me answer like this - the story you read was something I had to write, the OC was actually bugging me long before I was introduced to MLP universe - after reading some of the stories on this site I decided to write something of my own, just to find out how 'readable' it will be.

Of course I would like my story to be enjoyable to as many people as possible but I'm not planning to try to adapt to be less 'edgy' just because some people don't like human/sf. If somebody want's to down vote it's fine, I just ask to give me the reason in comments so I can try to improve if possible - constructive criticism is always welcome :)



OK, let's just say that injury of the main cast - is much more likely in the future stories :) (actually - there are a few story drafts in my mind that include heavy injury to one of the main characters, but for now that's all there is - drafts , if they ever materialize that's a different matter).


For anybody who read the story to the end I would like to ask two questions:

1. After reading this - do you think it should be marked as 'gore' or would 'mature' tag be enough? To be honest, I marked it as gore to be on the safe side - but now I'm not so sure anymore.

2. How would you describe the OC? Was he likable or dis-likable? Funny or boring? Please use the spoiler tag if necessary.

Thanks in advance for the input.

7801376 :pinkiehappy: I will be looking forward to more of your stories.

7801271 I hate, as you call it, bad-edge. Stuff that is great that happens to be dark is fine, but being dark for trying to seem cool is not. Like the post you mentioned in the comment, think of it as something like comparing The Dark Knight to Shadow the Hedgehog. Two majorly different types of dark.

"Deep" introduction to main character - ✓
Attempted suicide to only end up in Equestira - ✓
Anti human for the sake of being anti human - ✓
Tortured soul backstory - ✓

However, I will give you this. After skimming over a few chapters, it does just become your run-of-the-mill HiE story, which admittedly is more interesting to read than the first couple of chapters, even if it's not the best.



Thanks for the clarification... although I must say I'm a bit surprised...

1. I marked this story as 'dark' because it's a bit darker then usual MLP universe, however it was never my intention to go with 'it will be so dark, people will think it's cool' - if that's how it was received, than it only proves I've got a lot to improve in the future...

2. I can totally understand how people see Shadow as 'edgy' (although I would argue that the original from SA2 was actually balanced, only later Sega in their 'infinite wisdom' - messed him up... just like every other character in recent Sonic games :( ), but I never intended my OC to be view as 'dark' himself - sure he is suicidal after living alone for so long, and hunted by nightmares, but other then that he is pretty normal (or as normal as he can be) - at least that was my intention...

Anti human for the sake of being anti human

3. Where did the above came from :) ? Where in the story is OC anti human :derpyderp1: ?

Anyway, thanks for the comments - as I said earlier, constructive criticism is always welcome :twilightsmile: .

7805048 I can understand being suicidal after being alone for so long, seeing as people are social for the most part. Tried to push it away from that fact when I mentioned it.
Some honorable mentions to the "War is bad, humans are evil" trope, copied straight from the story.

let it be known, that humanity got what it deserved
Since the animals paid the price, for our stupidity
“Nah. They - or rather we - got what we deserved. Continuous power struggle for nothing, electing morons to lead... I won’t change my mind on this subject”
There were many examples of good people - UNDF was full of them, but humanity as a whole? Give me a break...

It's pretty much being racist to your own race. It makes no sense. I don't know if i'm the only who sees it as "being cool by being dark", but it's pretty much the only way I can interpret it. In hindsight the suicidal part is a bit more of a cliche than anything but what's done is done I suppose.



This site may not be the best place for such discussions and what I'm about to say will probably be controversial to some(most?) but...

It's pretty much being racist to your own race. It makes no sense. I don't know if i'm the only who sees it as "being cool by being dark", but it's pretty much the only way I can interpret it.

I'm sorry, but you are way off there. What you quoted actually represents the feeling of many real people - I won't deny that this part of OC psyche, was actually based on my own feelings towards 'humanity'. If that shocks anybody then look up: Aleppo, Ukraine conflict, world hunger or one of many recent terrorist attacks in your favorite search engine and then tell me you are still shocked - and this is just a tip of the iceberg.

The more I live (and I will soon hit 30), the more depressed I get by what's going on around the world, and the less respect I have towards 'humanity' - the worst part is, that there is nothing I can do about any of it :/

I think, this is actually one of the reasons I like MLP universe so much - ponies living in harmony without fighting each other (most of the time) - unfortunately, real world is far from Equestria... just like in this little gem:

Sorry for going philosophical/political - but I wanted to set things straight, no matter how controversial that might be - this is simply how I really feel about the subject.

AND THE PLOT... gets less interesting.



I'm sorry to hear that - perhaps it will get better in the later chapters (if you are willing to read them) ;]

Damn the plot is falling apart, before it was good be now is meh really shadow ninja

this world could use another good guy."

no no it don't. It need more villains

Well I finished the the story. It was ok. Ponys dining for no randomly. I was like awesome can't wait to find out who or what did this! Than I lose interest cause it was ninja shadow ponys and it was there ponys who where dieing, you could went in more detail in the action sence or have it not them mowing down the enemy like , but 4 powerful ass alicorns yeah the shadow ninja are just cannon fodder. Cool idea with magic going missing. shadowdancer really? Replace dancer with something a bit more empowering. Honestly the name is funny. Whooooooo I'm shadowdancer fear me as I dance around you this story beginning 10/10 (prefect hook) middle 7/10 ending 7.5/10 this is a good story but not good enough for favorite. Honestly how only 204 seen this more people should read this just because I'm not a fan of ninja plot doesn't mean thAt others won't

Ps im writing this on my phone and I find this pointless to fix the grammar mistakes so grammar nazi get attack me



Thanks for the opinion... and yeah I know the story was a bit (or a lot - depending on how you look at it) cliche but that I realized after I finished writing it :twilightblush:

But since this was the first thing I ever wrote, I am still pretty pleased that so many people enjoyed this.

I'm trying to created a plot for new story - if I manage to do it then hopefully it will be less predictable and less cliche then this one was - but I have a hard time finding a good, non-cliche motivation for a villain :(

As for the villain name - I guess you are not the eighties/nineties guy are you :) ? Otherwise you would probably know this:


or this:


Good old times :)



Not in this story I'm afraid ;]

seeing as there was no comment this is juan now

seeing as there was no comment this is juan now

seeing as there was no comment this is juan now

seeing as there was no comment this is juan now

seeing as there was no comment this is juan now

seeing as there was no comment this is juan now

seeing as there was no comment this is juan now

seeing as there was no comment this is juan now

well that escalated quickly

POW!!! right in the kisser

watch him say he is still not a hero



seeing as there was no comment this is juan now

Since this was released as a 'full package' - all 18 chapters at once - most comments are in the last chapter :)

watch him say he is still not a hero

Bah! He is just a fan of this guy (spoiler warning!):



8036696 but now I'm here. Also, was I the only one thinking " fuck the sun" at the end there? :pinkiecrazy:

8038378 i was posting that comment on any of the chaps that had no comments to see your reaction i would say it is rather positive



Well if you expected that I would start deleting comments or something like that then, no sir :twilightsmile: Unless somebody goes REALLY overboard and/or starts throwing trash at other users - I don't plan anything of the sort :raritywink:


At the end of this chapter? I thought such ideas would come at the end of Chapter 8 :trollestia:

8059015 not really delete them more of stop say the same comment if your going to comment. comment something different



Of course, I would prefer more constructive comments per chapter if possible - for example:

- Was it interesting to read or was it 'meh.'
- Was it easy to read and understand or was it 'fubar.'
- and so on...

Such feedback would be helpful for writing future stories :twilightsmile:

But at the same time - I'm simply not one of those people who react 'allergically' to other types of comments - I answer only to comments I find constructive - that's my philosophy, and I'm sticking to it :pinkiecrazy:

8059385 it was a good read i just like to comment on any chapters on any story i see with no comments on it with "seeing as there was no comment (there is or this) (juan or one) now" i put "this" before juan or one there sometimes just to see if someone will correct this not so accidental error so far no one has:pinkiehappy:

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