• Member Since 25th Oct, 2016
  • offline last seen 11 minutes ago


Just your average, useless person who thinks that this whole 'life' thing is overrated.


Rainbow Dash is fast in everything - including jumping to conclusions and gossiping. One day, she eavesdrops on a rather lewd conversation between Rarity and local human and it goes downhill from there. Then Celestia gets involved...

Reviewed (negatively :duck: ) by PresentPerfect:

Rainbow Dash vector from:

Onomatopeya vector from:

Holy hell! My first ever story that got featured... feels weird. Thanks guys!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 89 )

I was almost crying from laughing.

What the hell is this?



Well, then - I’m glad somebody got a kick out of it 😊


Something that mysteriously appeared on my Google Drive – seriously, have no Idea where it came from :unsuresweetie: But don’t tell anyone! They might be watching - they always do!

I love stories like these great work!:yay:

my sides, they hurt, but its a good pain. :rainbowlaugh:

“CELESTIA!” Luna shouted, with Canterlot Voice™

So thats a thing eh?

This.. was fantastic! One of the funniest fics I've read in awhile. From the initial misunderstanding, to the blame game, and then final line, I loved it.
Cheers! :yay:

Timeless and frigging hilarious!
Though I'm getting the feeling this was based on something else at one time. Even if it's not I had fun.

Personally, without seeing what's going on, I might've believed they were fucking too.


Homeboy seems to be taking it nicely despite almost being murdered multiple times.



Thanks guys, I’m glad you all liked the dang thing :twilightsmile:

My theory is this is why Celestia is (usually) the calm one – at one point Luna trademarked the Canterlot Voice and now Celestia has to pay her royalties, every time she uses it. If I had to pay someone every time I lose my cool, I would learn to act calmly too :trollestia:

That’s what happens when you listen to innuendos, through a locked door.

Often, even when somebody can see the person who is talking, he still has to take a long, hard look at the speaker, and analyze every word. This is especially important if the speaker uses a lot of stiff, rigid words (like the OC in the story did) – otherwise the listener may not be able to wrap his hands around the intended meaning, and instead of flowing forward, the seed of humor may become unpleasantly stuck in the annals of the listener’s mind – giving him wrong idea of the situation.

This is exactly what happened here :pinkiecrazy:



He is a walking cheesy, sarcastic, bastard super-soldier from my first ever story – resilient to damage (Celestia cut down the entire tree, and only broke his ribs) and regenerates automatically via nano-tech.

In other words - he doesn’t give a damn what hits him, most of the time :unsuresweetie:

“Ja Vol, mein Fuhrer!”

The correct German would be “Jawohl, mein Führer!” if that matters.

...can leave lady hanging!

Missing word here.

I can always ask Big Mack

He is spelled Big Mac.

suddenly she jerked his hand

Should be "suddenly he jerked his hand".

When I told her to user her mouth perhaps?

"use" is correct.

Wait a sec, what happened to Dashie? Rarity's energy sphere collapsed and then nothing. No description about what Rarity did to Dashie or anything. Seems like a bit of a loose end to me.

First story I've read here in quite some time. I don't regret choosing this as my jumping off point.

My only critique is that there are a few punctuation errors here and there. Otherwise, funny and entertaining.

I approve and demand MORE!

Let's be honest, anyone that ever heard that conversation would assume just as Dash did. Still hilarious though :rainbowlaugh:

Trolluna deserves her own emoticon, because damn that ending :trollestia:


Man this story is hilarious, even James’s backstory is hidden away in another fic.

You should not feel bad about any of this.

This is gold.

Jawohl is one word, not two. ^_^

This is all too good. I demand MORE!

Seriously, this is really good. I've read other innuendo stories, but this one by far has some of the best material. Just needs a few tweaks here and there for spelling and grammar. BTW, congrats on getting featured!

I am guessing this is the same OC as your story "Lonely Among Us". Have not read it yet, But saw that the Character is named James as well.

I have to say, this was quite hilarious, keep up the good work. Also, please continue to use James, I like him.

Edit: just got done reading "Lonely Among Us". Same person, still like him.

I've never found characters acting like gibbering idiots very funny. Combine that with the overused 'mishearing' setup, obnoxious and generic "haha goofball" human oc, and the idea that an innocent person getting brain damage over a misunderstanding... twice... is comedy, and you have this story.

It's not just garbage; it's unoriginal garbage. If this story entertained you, I'm glad you had a good time, but I'm pretty sure the sense of humor required to like this usually gets left behind after middle school.

Overall, very funny, lots going on at once, nice and chaotic and yet still easy to follow. Great job all around.


Thanks everyone, for pointing out the errors – I put the story through Grammarly and Reverso and re-read it a few dozen times, but nothings works better than a fresh pair of eyes 😊

Also, I’m not a native English speaker, so I guess some phrases may sound weird :P

Thanks, I fixed most of it, but this one I don’t understand:

...can leave lady hanging!

Missing word here.

Could you please elaborate, what word is missing there? Unless you meant ‘the’? Like in:

...can leave the lady hanging!


Fixed, thank you 😊



In the earlier draft there was a short scene showing beat-up Dashie but I couldn’t make it work without breaking the flow of Luna’s ‘prank,’ and later I kinda forgot about it...

Basically, she is fine… minus part of her mane, tail and plus a few broken ribs.

But, yeah, you are correct, that should have been mentioned somewhere in the story – sorry about that :twilightblush:



I’m glad you all liked it :twilightsmile: as for ‘more!’ – sorry guys, but realistically, I don’t see that happening. You can only play on innuendos and sex jokes for so long before the reader feels like if you are forcefully shoving them down his throat, and it’s not funny anymore :trollestia:

That said, I do have a few other ideas so sooner or later, you may expect something :twilightsmile: (more likely later, than sooner though).


Yes, that’s him and I’m working on another story with him as a major side character (but this one will be more serious, not a comedy) so, he shall return :twilightsmile:



No problem, I know that kind of comedy is not for everyone :twilightsmile:. However, I wouldn’t be so sure about that:

[…] I'm pretty sure the sense of humor required to like this usually gets left behind after middle school.

Most people I know (and I’m 31, so long past the middle school :ajsmug: ) like the cheesy, low-brow humor when done right. Of course, whether that story was done right is a different matter, but you can't please everyone.

It is either "the" or "a". But otherwise are you correct.

No problem.

Yeah, articles are often a problem for people who aren`t native speakers of English. I`ve had this issue pointed out to me more then a few times before too.

im a bit miffed at AJ though.... james needs payback for that cheapshot!:twilightangry2:


Could you please elaborate, what word is missing there? Unless you meant ‘the’?

In this case it would be

"...you think you did your part, had your fun, and can leave a lady hanging!”

For this phrase, based on "you can't leave [X] hanging," you would use "a lady" whenever you're not referring to a specific lady. When you are referring to a specific lady, you could say "the lady," which would be paired with other heavy implications to indicate who you're referring to. Like a gesture, a pointed look, etc. (Or, you'd just use their name)

In this case, since Rarity is referring to herself, you get two things interacting. One, if Rarity used "the lady" here, that would pretty much be third person speaking, and Rarity isn't known for that (Trixie is). Two, while "a lady" doesn't normally reference anyone in particular, it can be said with heavy implication (tone, gesture, expression, etc) of whom it should reference. This is often done to emphasize sarcasm, which Rarity is definitely doing in the scene.

“Sister! You killed him!”


Princess Zeldaestia confirmed.

I really liked this story and i need more stories with him in it. It seems like it would be a swell time.



Fixed, thanks guys.

And 9092438 thank you for a thorough explanation :twilightsmile:



Truth be told – after what Dashie told everyone, and after what AJ thought James implied… that reaction was rather understandable :trollestia:



No, just… NO! I’m a Zelda fan – and this thing is just… abomination! When I watched the compilation of all movies from that ‘game’, my facial expression matched that of Rainbow Dash on the story cover :unsuresweetie:

I can assure you - that was NOT my inspiration for that scene :pinkiecrazy:



There should be more, but it may take some time :twilightsmile:

still miffed though! i hate cheapshots!:twilightangry2:
unless im the one doing the cheapshots!:trollestia:

Pretty sure it wasn't but that scene from that..... "game" was great and brilliant. Gotta admit, I also instantly thought of that when I read that part.

That's good to hear, I will also say to just take your time. Stories usually are subpar when rushed.

This is a type of story I never considered before, but I'm glad I discovered it.

I had a blast reading this!

He has another story with James, it's "Lonely Among Us". It is his first story, so as he says, it needs a rewrite. But it is still good.

Yeah, I read that after reading this. After reading this story it felt like this character was a lil too developed for a one-shot story so I thought he might have already done a story about him.

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