• Member Since 13th May, 2016
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TheOneWithoutAName


I also have a SubscribeStar, because Patreon nuked me. Lesson? Do not trust Patreon.

Comments ( 49 )

Part of me wants to nope out of here, but at the same time, i'm morbidly curious. I'll track it for now

she asked as a roshy blush crossed her cheeks.

I'm pretty sure you mean "rosy" when you wrote "roshy".

I see there is more to come... Okay I'll stay, see where is this going.

7446730 Yeah... I'm the same. It's hot as hell, but stories that have fetishes change someone forever and affect those around them...

Seriously? Where the hell is Twilight those past eight months?!

7448019 Eh, she would be looking for Spike probably. Even if she went to Ember or the Dragon Lands, it would be unlikely to run into Barb. IF she ran into Barb, they wouldn't really know it was Spike from the appearance change to personality change and such.

Now, I realize you aren't a triple Pulitzer prize-winning author or anything, but what I've seen from the first chapter seems very amateurish. Please do not take offence, because the story itself is good, but the grammar and delivery need a bit of work.

First, you need to decide on whether to write in present or past tense. For instance, if two characters are talking and you write "Twilight said" and then "Spike says" this is grammatically incorrect. Personally I would recommend going with past tense, as it is the most widely used because it gives the reader the indication that the events of the story have already taken place, and are therefore set and irreversible.

Secondly you should work on gently working through plot points instead of blatantly writing them. Just saying that spike put the potions on the same table as his juice works, but it's kind of plain. Instead, try describing the layout of the room first by saying that the work stations and potion racks all surround a central table, and that spike puts his juice to the side at FIRST, and then puts the potions on the empty table to sort out later. But, as the work wears him down, he carelessly puts his juice on the central table where the potions are, a simple mistake with grave consequences. This makes the turn of events more tragic, as the mistake was one made due to exhausted carelessness instead of simple stupidity. Plus, the way it's written now seems more like something "baby" Spike would do, but "adult" Spike is convinced that he is older and therefore wouldn't make the same mistakes he would have made as a child. Having him make the smart, adult decision to put his juice to the side so that he doesn't mix them up, only to become careless later makes him a victim of his, now her, own hubris.

Again, I hope that you do not take my first comment as an insult. Writing is hard and it's really tricky to get everything to come out the way you want it. There will always be some flaw that someone points out in a new work. I just hope my advice helps you in any way, because you are a good writer, you just have things to work on, just the same as everyone else, myself included. Good luck.

7448601 I don't believe she wouldn't have some idea of what happened. There is no way she wouldn't have seen what potion was missing some and/or moved. She should at least know what happened to him. Now, how much she figured past that, appearance, where he went, etc. I can't say.

7446730
7447393

Then I hope that you will enjoy the Bonus Chapter as soon as I have the time to write it! :twilightsmile:

7448618

I thank you for your critique. I know that I'm quite the weak writer on the non-cloppy bits and I just finished editing the first chapter a bit. I hope it is better now. :pinkiesmile:

7448871

Technically Spike moved more than just one unlabeled potion, so that makes it a tad more complicated. Of course she still could have probably figured it out because the potion was missing some of it, but in the end she still would have no idea where to look for. It's meant to be like the story 'The Tribe' in that way. Barb loving the attention and never to be found by Twilight. Or at least I'm not writing that she is found by her. It kind of is an open ending in a way.

7449055

I can imagine that. Only I have no real plans for her in this story. The Bonus Chapter will be nothing more than more completely shameless clop. It kind of is an open ending, since I have nothing planned about mentioning Twilight's search for Barb. :twilightsheepish:

Comment posted by PrinceTerran deleted Aug 3rd, 2016

If it's got Barb, I'll give it a looksee.

7449095 Absolutely no problem whatsoever! I'm glad that you didn't take offense at anything I said, because I know that there are many people that would have. If you ever want my opinion or some advice in the future, or anything else, please don't hesitate to message me, not to say that you need it or that I think so highly of myself, I'm just offering. I have some projects underway, both clop and not, that I'm working on before posting myself. I look forward to any work of yours in the future. Good luck and stay safe!

Personally, I thought this was pretty ok.

Can i plz get the link to the full pic?:twilightsheepish:

So when is that bonus chapter been out?

7471877

Currently working on a few things, but I wanted to bring the bonus chapter out this month. But no promises! I've gotten a bit behind my plans since I couldn't log in for the past 10 days. :twilightsheepish:

I know this is clop, but sexually, dragons would be fem-Dom.

Like other reptiles and social mammals.

Humans are the sexual exception not the rule.

Crocodiles, for example, are violent and brutal during sex.

When sharks do it, if there's not blood, they get disappointed.

This fem-Dom comes from the fact that in most of the great predators, with the exception of lions, are sexually dimorphic, favoring females.

Examples include hyenas, Spiders, Crocodiles, Monitor Lizards, Great White Sharks, Orca's, Owls almost universally, and Praying Mantids most infamously.

Good clop, though.

With that he grabbed a bottle of apple juice from the fridge an put it under his arm so that he could stay hydrated during his work, while holding a broom in the other and a bucket with a cloth in his other.

Three arms? Kinky. :pinkiecrazy:

7506752
Many married men would say otherwise:trollestia: jk

This does sound like something Sparrow would make, and I approve.

‘How will Twilight react?’ Barb wondered, but shook her head again. This certainly was going to be a big surprise.

OK, this needs a sequel where Twi and friends finally find out what happened to Spike/Barb! If only to see their reactions!

OK, this chapter left me with a much better feeling, you see Barb being treated well, she's happy, content, and she's not completely disconnected with her old life.


7561156

I wanna see that!

Are you going 2 do one with Ember ?

7561041

Glad you liked it! :yay:

7561156

I have to admit I find the thought rather interesting. I mean, Barb walks with a group of male dragons into Ponyville. Awkward explanations ensues, followed by the Mane 6 being rather indignant about it, followed by the dragons corrupting the Mane 6 and maybe even the entire town of Ponyville to be more open and casual about sex. :rainbowkiss:

Oh, before I forget, I wanted to ask you something, if you don't mind. I saw that you added this story to a bi and gay folder, which kind of confuses me a bit, since I don't remember to have put anything like that in this story. Or did you do it because of the genderswapped Spike? :rainbowhuh:

7562837

Yeah, I liked the idea that the dragons are not simply using her for her body, but are also nice and fair to her. For example the part where they are only keeping a small part of her wage, which could be counted as rent and a fee for the dragons finding her some partners as well as negotiating a good price.

7563212

I was honestly thinking about how to fit her in best. I imagine Ember having a crush and being angry with Barb for her behavior. This might lead to one of two scenarios:

1. Ember is so angry that she takes the potion and genderswapps to fuck our naughty little Barb into submission
2. Ember will through some means be convinced to join Barb in a gangbang, maybe as a sign of good will or to see points from her perspective. Cue love confession during gangbang

7563278 MHM... How about:

1) after going 2 ponyville and doing what you told Alphamon_Ouryuken,

2) Ember tacks a 'other' potion, makes her futa, bucks with Spike/Barb

3) as a sine of peace between ponies and dragons, tacks one mare and one stallion as her personal buck-toys

4) Ember gives Spike/Barb to the ponies to be "there buck-toy'

5) the mane 6 tacks the potion, becomes stallions, bucks Spike/Barb, like it more being stallions (or at the list Rarity), and then start a Polyamory with all the mane 6 as the stallions in the relationship, and Spike/Barb as the "mare".


p.s. You know what I mean ? :raritywink:
:rainbowhuh:

7563278

Oh, before I forget, I wanted to ask you something, if you don't mind. I saw that you added this story to a bi and gay folder, which kind of confuses me a bit, since I don't remember to have put anything like that in this story. Or did you do it because of the genderswapped Spike?

I what's conflicted due to the fact that Spike was a boy but then a boy on a girl's body.

I have to admit I find the thought rather interesting. I mean, Barb walks with a group of male dragons into Ponyville. Awkward explanations ensues, followed by the Mane 6 being rather indignant about it, followed by the dragons corrupting the Mane 6 and maybe even the entire town of Ponyville to be more open and casual about sex. :rainbowkiss:

I was honestly thinking about how to fit her in best. I imagine Ember having a crush and being angry with Barb for her behavior. This might lead to one of two scenarios:

1. Ember is so angry that she takes the potion and genderswapps to fuck our naughty little Barb into submission

2. Ember will through some means be convinced or join Barb in a gangbang, maybe as a sign of good will or to see points from her perspective. Cue love confession during gangbang

Ok, these are both great ideas! Why not use them both? With a little twist!

Have Ember find out what's been going on and use her scepter to gender-swap herself and join in. After a long gangbang (in which she confesses her feelings) she takes Barb as her personal sex-slave while dominating the rest of the dragons that first fucked her.

After a while she sends Barb and her harem to Ponyville and the awkward explanations ensue, followed by the dragons corrupting the Mane 6 and all of Ponyville.

This fic NEEDS to be made!

7563365
7563428

Both interesting ideas. Not sure which to do or what elements of your ideas to use, but then again, I have a lot of other fics to write and continue, so it will take some time until I get around to it. :twilightsheepish:

7563901

You mean if this will occur? :rainbowhuh: There might be a lot of spunk around once the dragons are done! :rainbowkiss:

7563935 Do both, mix them together

Ember makes her self a female-dragon with a stallion-hood

Bucks Spike/Barb, confesses her feelings

makes all the dragons into female-dragons, bucks them all, likes bucking Spike/Barb more them the other dragons

goes to ponyville, corrupts the town

the mane 6 have fun with the potions, 1-5 of them like it more being a stallions, then start a Polyamory-Relationship

as a sine of peace between ponies and dragons, they ....

7564009

The idea is certainly interesting. I'm not exactly sure why Ember would want the dragons to corrupt Ponyville though. Or did you mean it like that? :rainbowhuh:

Other than that I'm only unsure about her turning the dragons into females to fuck them and then turn them back. I... I don't know. It seems a bit awkward, or at least it probably will be for the dragons. I personally only use the R63 if a characters is going to stay like that then, to avoid awkwardness afterwards, like Spike who is identifying himself as Barb now. Of course that leaves open what she could do. Technically she is the Dragon Lord and probably can command them around like she wants, but to drill it home she could try different things. Maybe gangbang Barb along the others and showing she can fuck Barb day and night? Showing off more stamina? Or she rides the dragons cocks and drains them dry in her female form? Showing how superior she is? Maybe taunting them a bit?

7582447

I'm not exactly sure why Ember would want the dragons to corrupt Ponyville though.

Ya, that part I only added to be nice.

Other than that I'm only unsure about her turning the dragons into females to fuck them and then turn them back. I... I don't know. It

How about they are stell male, but the have breasts and a vagin. Or jest one of the two.

seems a bit awkward, or at least it probably will be for the dragons.

Maybe she jest spoon them all.

I personally only use the R63 if a characters is going to stay like that then, to avoid awkwardness afterwards, like Spike who is identifying himself as Barb now.

What are the dragons going 2 do when they find out that she was that dragon that lived with the ponies ?
And can you have Barb and Ember goes to ponyville, jest to tell Twilight where is Spike. But them Flutershy and Rarity (or two others) gets tern into stallions, and starts a Polyamory with the 4 others.

Of course that leaves open what she could do. Technically she is the Dragon Lord and probably can command them around like she wants, but to drill it home she could try different things. Maybe gangbang Barb along the others and showing she can fuck Barb day and night?

And then Barb becomes the Dragon Lord's sex-toy
OR
Spike/Barb is stell the Dragon Lord and ...

Showing off more stamina? Or she rides the dragons cocks and drains them dry in her female form? Showing how superior she is? Maybe taunting them a bit?

Ya, do that also

Kinda late to the hype train, but I'll give my two cents.
For a sequel, to actually. One would be Barb going back to ponyville, to find out Twilight knew and was OK with it, for"Spike" had found happiness among dragons
Rarity was not happy, though. How dare a bunch of ruffians be more generous to her darling spikey-wikey than her?!? She'd then get a specialty brewed potion, made to interact with her element to enable the pony to give to her lover their innermost desire.
To be the brood Drake of the most virile, potent, gargantuan cock in the world. That Rarity grows and proceeds to stuff the ever living lights out of Barb. The dragoness, overwhelmed by such virility on her still remembered ladylike crush, falls in love.
They live happily ever after :raritystarry:

In the second one, the dragons are sad to her their dragon slut for life leave, but they are happy for her.
Not one to see frowns go unturned, Pinkie manages to give them anther dose of Barb's potion... That Fizzle inadvertently sips from. Just enough so he doesn't seem to change... Until he checks his package.
The new tomboyish dragoness hides her condition until they arrive back home, when the rest of the gang find out and decide to give her the same treatment they have Barb. Including the big hoard.
Only the best for their Dragon Whore For Life :pinkiehappy:

Anyway, have a fave and a follow. This earned it :raritywink:

8117494 I just now read your comment, and i would love to read that sequel^^
you maybe should try and write it yourself :P

Comment posted by MasterBrony Forever deleted Aug 6th, 2017

Was a rather good story and idea to start, but was just clop for clop sake.

Maybe would have preferred a little more of a story of her maybe just agreeing to have sex and when they were all finished still at least trying to turn back. If she wasn't getting knocked up would have made it much much better.

Heat is often used to make characters helpless and always want sex I have been guilty of it myself but the female in heat can still have self control.

And that last chapter left a bad taste in my mouth. Regardless of anything she would have died. You obviously tried to end it on a high note with them letting her rest and all that but that doesn't make up for the rest of that lasted chapter.

Aw yis. This was a great read. The world needs more Barb smut.

Great job!

8348165

My capabilities in storytelling are still a work-in-progress. I am not that good at it, so I try to improve and mostly feel the most comfortable with writing such short stories. I also simply love the Sluttification topic of having a female being dragged down to the level of a slut. :twilightsheepish:

Dragons are flexible and it wasn't meant to be a near-death scene, or anything brutal like that. Simply some oversized smut like in the pictures of Sparrow with huge bulges and so on. It is kind of a fetish and definitely nothing on the gorey side like her belly suddenly exploding or anything gore-related like that. I pretty much just wanted some overstuffed fetish smut with loads of cum. :yay:

8381663

It most certainly does! :pinkiesmile: Barb is such a neat topic. I might try another fic sometime. I mean, I was thinking on a BarbxAngel and other animals bestiality gangbang clopfic. Of course not sure if that would be your cup of tea, but it is an idea that wasn't done before. And I really like the idea of Angel dominating Barb and whoring her out to other animals! :rainbowkiss:

8381734

BarbxAngel and other animals bestiality gangbang clopfic. Of course not sure if that would be your cup of tea, but it is an idea that wasn't done before. And I really like the idea of Angel dominating Barb and whoring her out to other animals!

Love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I’m sure Twilight. What could possibly go wrong?”

Flippin! IT TOOK HIM TWO! TWO SECONDS, and this dude has already jinxed it! Too bad, now we gotta throw the whole thing away.

apple juice from the fridge and put it under his arm

If only she had a friend that might know more about dragons…

What should she call herself?

Keep telling yourself that... But I will admit,”

“Not if it is the same one over and over,” he muttered,

“Who else would follow follow a bunch of dragons they don’t even know to a secluded cave entrance?”

This whole spectacle went on for another minute

up from the ground as her body made a horizontal line.

And the dragons didn’t waste any time as they started thrusting their muscular hips into her petite ones.

pleasure to the heavens above as her both her wholes were grinded to the core.

Holy. Fucking. Shit! This story was something I’ve been looking for. A sexy story with fetishes I’m into and damn, you need to do more with fetishes like this there’s not enough out there (especially the fetishes in chapter 3)

I would like to see more from this reality.

I was honestly thinking about how to fit her in best. I imagine Ember having a crush and being angry with Barb for her behavior. This might lead to one of two scenarios:

1. Ember is so angry that she takes the potion and genderswapps to fuck our naughty little Barb into submission
2. Ember will through some means be convinced to join Barb in a gangbang, maybe as a sign of good will or to see points from her perspective. Cue love confession during gangbang

Either or would be a fun read. I also noticed (and correct me if I'm wrong) but is there a bit of love shared between Barb and Fizzle? I find that cute and can see Fizzle as a doting clan father to the eggs/hatchlings while mom is at "work".

10720852

Hm... Too long to really say if there was an intentional chemistry going on. I cannot remember doing it right now.

In any case, I am glad you liked the story. :yay:

10720911
Didn't realize how old this fic was until it was pointed out to me. Any thoughts on continuing?

10721177

I am not even managing to continue my Incomplete stories. A technically Complete one isn't really on my list right now. :twilightsheepish:

this fanfic is very spicy if you hear a sequence beard could have relations with the ponies of equestria during his visit

Comment posted by RisqueRarity deleted February 9th
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