Two Many Bananas
Twilight Sparkle sat at the kitchen table. In front of her were exactly two pre-peeled bananas. Not one, not three, and certainly not five. Just two bananas.
The reason that Twilight Sparkle had exactly two bananas in front of her was quite simple: her goal was to refute an old wives’ tale that specified that a pony should never eat two bananas without corroborating evidence, so she decided to test the hypothesis for herself.
And to do that, she had to eat two bananas. The two bananas that were in front of her. She alternately eyed each banana in turn and took long, protracted breaths.
This is it, she thought to herself, I’m going to eat exactly two bananas and nopony can stop me.
She took another deep breath, then grabbed a quill, a notepad, and one of the bananas. She sniffed the length of the banana, taking notes as to the aroma of the banana she was about to ingest. She then aimed the banana at her mouth as it wavered in her magic.
She exhaled and took a bite of the banana, the sweet flavor enchanting her tastebuds with their… flavor. She wrote down how sweet the flavor was. She then finished the banana because one does not generally start eating something sweet and not finish it, unless it’s really rich and it fills up your stomach instantly. Bananas are not rich, though, so it went down as smoothly as a foal on a water slide during summer. She deduced that it was tasty.
Twilight also adduced that the next banana would be just as tasty as she stared at it. She looked at the second of exactly two bananas, racking her brain in an attempt to figure out what would happen if she ate that second banana.
She then decided to eat the banana because that’s what she initially set out to do.
She shoved the second banana into her mouth because Sweet Celestia bananas are tasty, delicately chewing and swallowing the mass of fruit as she waited for whatever was going to happen.
It was this moment she felt the viscous, slippery rays of the sun dripping onto her flesh.
Wait a tick. Sunlight doesn’t drip.
She looked around the kitchen. She was most confused by what her eyes heard.
The counter… the counter exuded a most piquant taste of libertarianism that flooded her ears. She tried to cover her ears with her hooves, but they were pickles now and she didn’t want to get too salty—her hooves were already pickles. So she set them down and accepted that the music of scorpion peppers caressed her skin, slowly massaging the orange out of her muscles.
She certainly didn’t recall putting any orange in there. She usually kept it next to the screaming of innocents behind the flour.
Speaking of screaming innocents, she smelled singing oozing from the fridge. She stood up on her pretzel sticks and staggered around a bit, not being used to having to balance on bread. Also, it seemed she was getting saltier, what with pretzel stick legs and pickles for hooves.
Well time to smell what kind of music it is. It’s not coagulating close enough for me to make out what it is.
Her legs and hooves ambulated most precisely towards the fridge—one step, two step, red step, blue step—her body growing ever nearer as the fridge got smaller. When she finally combobulated to the fridge, she looked down at it, comparing it to her pickle-hoof and noticing how small it was. Twilight poked at it until she touched the handle and pulled the door open.
It was at this point that a carnation inside the fridge jammed a rod of death into her face hole.
Twilight lurched back, her mouth full of death.The smell of the music told her to swallow. She teared up and shook her head while clasping at her throat. The odorous melody kept compelling her to swallow, the scent of thyme comforting her, singing that everything would be better.
She wasn’t sure what to do. A chill shriveled down her spine, and she felt her heart slow down. She had death in her mouth and everything wasn’t what it used to be. She took a gulp and…
...it was a banana.
Twilight blinked. She looked around, the warm rays of the sun peeking through the window. The counter was once again just a marble counter, and her hooves were certainly not briny anymore. She glanced in the fridge, which was now its proper proportions and contained one Pinkie Pie, who giggled and hopped out of the fridge.
Pinkie winked at Twilight. “I just saved your celery right there.”
Twilight pursed her lips, sat down, and rubbed her forehead with her hooves. “What… what happened?”
“You don’t remember?” Pinkie said as her lips went ear to ear. “Oh, right, you ate two bananas.” She chortled. “Of course you don’t remember.”
“I… guess I did.” Twilight snorted. “I didn’t know what would happen, so I forged ahead and found out.” Twilight hummed. “I guess I was perturbed by the seeming illogic of an old wives’ tale and wanted to prove it wrong.”
“Eeyep!” Pinkie nodded, her mane bouncing along. “See, if you eat exactly two bananas, everything goes bananas, but it doesn’t happen if you eat one or three bananas, or one point two, or two point five, but it does happen if you eat one point nine repeating bananas because that’s mathematically two bananas—”
Twilight waved a hoof in the air. “So you gave me the antidote, which is more than two bananas.” Twilight looked up and smiled. “It’s times like this I remember why you’re such a good friend.”
Pinkie trotted over to Twilight and rumpled her mane. “Who knows what you would have done without me? You would have been lost in crazytown forever!”
“That’s right, Pin—”
“I mean, your left would have been orange and your right would have been potato!” Pinkie sat down and stroked her chin. “Or would your up have been cornbread and your down have been monarchy?”
“Pin—”
“Maybe smooth jazz would have been a battle and thatch would have been apples! Or maybe—”
Twilight held a hoof to Pinkie’s mouth and smiled. “Thank you.” Pinkie smiled and nodded.
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This speaks to me.
Like this?
Very...bananan-y. Cool though, made me chuckle. Nice job!
7384486 Not quite, no.
I'm glad you liked it, though!
7384489 That was the intended purpose of this story, yeah.
7384499 Did you just come up with this after eating exactly two bananas since this story is bananas?
7384504 No, it was before the OC panel and someone brought up that you shouldn't eat two bananas and we got into this whole ten minute digression about why two bananas and what would constitute two bananas and this is my interpretation of why you don't eat two bananas in Equestria.
Nice little story. Just creepy enough for me to never eat two bananas ever.
Good job.
7384506 The OC panel was great.
7384504
7384506
That was me,
and it was the Legends of Equestria panel. One of the loading screen messages that the game has is something like "It had been scientifically proven that you cannot eat two bananas."
No reasons. No explanations. Just that.
I'm also glad that Biscuit isn't the only one who vomits crazy all over his documents.
2 savg 4 mi
cant handl u m8
7384533 Yeah, I figured why not have fun with it?
I also wanted to experiment with a bit of magical realism in my writing and I figured what better venue than going bananas?
*potassium intensifies*
7384516 Thank you!
Everyone should know the dangers of eating two bananas.
Goddamit, Syeekoh.
You know what have been worse than eating exactly two bananas? Eating exactly two bananas and drinking one liter of Sprite. If you want melty walls, that will give you slippery corn.
~KBO.
*Logic walks in* No. *throws Logic out* You're not welcome here. This is where the fun people hang out.
Did Pinkie ever eat two bananas?
If so, did she manage to eat a third one in time?
7384733 One would assume so.
Unless she's forever two bananas.
Bananas are radioactive, you know.
Just my two bits.
7384758 I will keep that in mind, good sir.
This all makes perfect sense.
7384849 Doesn't it?
7384854
“Pinkie Pie.”
“Yes!”
“Just what is it exactly do you think the big fella likes to eat?”
“Well duh... He’s made out of metal! Therefore, I can only postulate that he comes from a world where everything is metal. Maybe not even a world at all! If a star were to eventually burn itself out, and leave nothing but a hot core of degenerate matter with a surface of heavy metals floating on top, that could be where he’s from! Oooh, wouldn’t that be exciting! He might even feel like he could fly here, given how much lighter everything would be! And maybe he can see with X-rays too, because all other forms of in-falling light would be blue-shifted towards the high energy end of the spectrum!”
Applejack and Fluttershy winced painfully.
“And, based on all that gobbledygook, you think that he eats...”
“Metal.”
“Arrrghhh... Pinkie, did it not occur to you that he was here, just this morning? And he didn’t eat the silverware for breakfast.”
“Whaaat? When was he here?”
“He was with that other officer pony - the first one that you scared away with your stupid mountain of cupcakes.”
“You mean that tall mostly hairless monkey thing in a wool suit that could balance itself on two legs?”
“One and the same.”
“Then that metal thing...”
“Was him, wearing some kinda suit of armor.”
“So he...”
“Probably won’t eat these!” Applejack slapped her hoof down on the pile of cast iron cookies with high carbon steel chips.
I love bananas, and when I heard that you couldn't eat more than one I was confused.
I then realized that I had at no point eaten more than one banana in one sitting before then.
I tried to eat two bananas.
I failed.
7384758
Not only radioactive, but shares an 11% overlap with Human DNA.
7384913
So potentially she could become 11% Spider Man.
7385024
im not sure. She has only half of the required legs to become spiderpone.
7384758 but who can eat the literally, literally 10,000,000 bananas at once it would take for that to kill you? Or the 274 per day over 10 years for mild chronic side effects?
(Just busting your chops. Thanks for the tee shirt
)
I liked this a bunch. Gj maj
7385159 Thanks!
It was fun to write.
And this is the point in which twilight realises why pinkie is the way she is and jams a banana down her throat
Pinkie Pie knows what happens when you eat two bananas. When she was ten, she ate exactly two bananas and hasn't touched one since.
She's learned to cope. Though the loss of banana cream pie and banana bread was at first difficult, she's soldiered on.
Unless Twilight is assumed to never have eaten any bananas before, the problem is clearly not eating two bananas; it's consciously eating two bananas. Since any number of bananas eaten after your first three contains multiple sets of two bananas.
(Let's not tell Twilight.)
7385162
No, this was fun to write.
The hot humid musk of Baltimore suffocates you like God's enormous unwashed ballsack the moment you step out the door. A sea of brick beckons the journey of a thousand steps between the gleaming glass zoo of migratory humans and the organic hive of stone and streets known as Charm City. You put your best foot forward, feeling it stick slightly against the pervasive brownish ichor of regurgitated alcohol and caramelized human waste. Once more unto the breech, you think sympathetically of your emaciated wallet. Once more, we shall feast together, guided by the electronic whim of our silicon leash, boldly striding forward with your compatriots in tow, ignoring the predatory growls of the steel beasts that sit and swelter in furious impotent rage. The group trails behind like the stretching swirling arc of a doomed star orbiting the cusp of matters doom. They will find their way regardless, driven by primal urges more base than feeding or fornication. The final hours are at hand. The sixty dollar meal is but a garnish next to the consummation that will slake our true hunger. We take our seats at the table in the same manner of fish returning to spawn and mate. We are an eclectic orgy of Venn diagrams. Minds fertile, with ideas ready to pollinate.
"Hey, I was wondering if you want to read this story I wrote."
Such madness and nonsense
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/cardfight/images/8/87/2397_safe_exploitable_meme_sweetie_belle_image_macro_reaction_image_artist-colon-uc77_that_is_beautiful.png/revision/latest?cb=20140922022932
Holy synaesthesia, batman!
This was funny.
7385840 Yay, someone noticed!
.
7386284 I'm going to frame this comment on my wall.
The word "What" is the only thing I've said since reading this title.
....
Like and favorited. I've lived a good life having read this.
7386503 Perfect.
memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Wait-What-Meme-11.jpg
7386728 Exactly.
As son as i saw the title i realised that THIS is what my life has been leading to.
I'm not sure what just happened.... but it tasted delicious
7386999 I'm glad that you realized your purpose in life.
7387097 Feelsgreen.jpg
I can think of no one better suited to guide Twilight away from the shores of madness. A beautiful study of synesthesia and friendship. Thank you for it.
7385159
orig02.deviantart.net/5638/f/2012/072/8/9/do_you_like_bananas__by_moonbrony-d4snki5.png
You're welcome!
I'm not sure what i read, but it feels like you have experience in this sort of field of quackery. I'll leave the advanced things up to you, I like my sanity.
7387396 ...I concede that maybe Celestia could. Well done.
That was appealing. *gives you a hand*