The Mare Does Well.

by Undyne Devotion

Live And Let Pie.

"So do you like pie?" Flash chuckled as he nudged a plate of blueberry goodness towards the winking mare across from himself.

"It's pretty alright. I'm more of a cake mare though." Gleaming lifted a fork in her pale-colored magic to poke the dessert in a lackadaisical manner, her eye squinted shut still on fire.

Flash gave a light cough in embarrassment from earlier "Are you sure your eye is okay?" He quipped while the mare pointed the fork toward him.

"Phst this? I'm certain being half blind will be all the rage this year." Gleaming spoke sarcastically as the stallion chuckled, blushing in embarrassment.

"Haha, most mares aren't as sassy as you." He snorted, lifting his fork to plunge into the crispy crust of his cherry pie slice.

"I gained that trait because of my baby sister." Gleaming took a tiny bite off her fork politely.

"Really?" He couldn't help himself but snort loudly.

Gleaming nodded her head along to the beat of the conversation. "Seriously, if I got too stern she'd get frightened of me." She giggled lightly as her fork spun around in the magical barrier.

"So I added a little bit of sarcasm to my boring lectures, and she ended up getting the point but feeling more at ease."

"Huh, kinda sounds like my boss's approach to guard duty." Flash mused for a moment as he locked eyes with this peculiar mare.

"Oh yes, the dick." Gleaming clicked her tongue loudly with a scrunched muzzle.

Flash rolled his eyes and shook his head."You didn't let me finish last time missy!" He smirked and motioned for a passing waitress to pour him a new mug of coffee.

"So there's more?" Gleaming chirped as an earth pony poured the stallion a new mug of caffeine, the steam wafted into the air lazily.

"Absolutely! Sure he's a bit of a dick, but only because he's got the world on his shoulders. " Flash bit his lower lip a bit, the waitress offering the mare a refill as she politely declined.

"He's overwhelmed? " She poked the matter.

"Yeah, that's an understatement. He does everything in his power to keep all the ponies around him smiling, and I don't think I've seen his in a while. " The stallion gazed towards his company, she looked a bit somber as if those words hit close.

"He's a good stallion though, one I'm happy to call a friend." Flash shrugged with a small smirk across his muzzle.

"Worry can sour a mood, but I bet he'd appreciate those sentiments. " Gleaming took another bite from her treat, happy knowing that she wasn't despised or thought of as a monster.

"So ma'am you're a traveler, but by the way, you tell those stories. I'd bet bits to donuts, that you're what a writer?" Flash reached over to playfully poke the soft mare on the hoof.

Gleaming snorted with amusement as she never could see herself as a bookish pony like Twilight."What!? No, I'm no good at stringing together sentences. " She broke into cheerful laughter.

"I'm seriously an adventurous pony at heart, I like tackling my problems head-on!" She flipped the fork through the air much like a sword.

"Yeah right!" He teased watching the mare play out a scene of battle.

"I'm serious! Get me a yeti in here, I'll go one on one!!" She giggled sarcastically in return.

"You're so small though!" He teased further.

"So!? Big ass whoopings come in small packages. " Gleaming proudly puffed out her chest floof as oceanic eyes spotted Twilight outside the Diner looking distressed.

Gleaming coughed softly to clear her throat while her ears slid downwards."Ahem, I must excuse myself. " She pushed out from the chair slowly to pounce down onto her hooves.

"So soon?" Flash frowned a little disappointed.

"Yeah, I forgot a thing I had to do tomorrow. " Gleaming mumbled as her hoof flaunted across the air dismissively.

"I won't keep you then, but thank you for the company. " He nodded respectively towards the mare who smiled.

"Thank you for being understanding about your boss, he super appreciates it!" Gleaming teased the stallion as she saluted him with a beaming smile.

"Hahaha, okay?" He returned the salute, feeling a familiar vibe from the mare that he couldn't quite place.

Within a few seconds, she dashed outside the warmth of the cozy Diner and out into the cool crisp air of the night. Gleaming let her gaze dart around the emptiness of the sidewalk in search of her baby sister, eyes squinted behind slender frames. Twilight suddenly pounced out from behind a dumpster in the alleyway, Gleaming close to jumping out of her fur in fright.

"Why the buck are you behind a dumpster!?" Gleaming hissed in fear as her heart was racing wildly.

"I'm trying to stay hidden, duh! Why are you with Flash!?" Twilight scrunched her muzzle tightly, as her slender hoof jabbed her sister in the ribs.

"Owww, I just wanted to make sure I'm in good standing with my men!" Gleaming puffed out her cheeks as she rubbed herself out front.

"Why wouldn't you be!?" Twilight shrugged defeated as a sigh escaped her lips.

"So you got the book?" Gleaming was quick to change the subject as her little sister shook her head to the side worriedly.

"Dang, is that going to be a problem?" Gleaming spoke with a nonchalant tone of voice.

"Yeah, way bigger than just getting you back to normal too." Twilight's color slowly drained from her features, and Gleaming could feel a pit start to form in her gut.

"Ruined day bad?" She swallowed a large lump in her throat as hooves began to quiver.

Twilight's head lowered as she searched for the right words to this question. "Much bigger." She lifted her eyes upward to meet her sister's gaze seriously.

"Crud." Gleaming felt her face droop, knowing deep down that things were going to get worse before they got any better.

The cool chill of the night dug into her fur, as an icy shiver ran down her lower backside.

Comments

[LunarReaper]

Lovely to see an update. How are you doing? (if I may ask)

[Greenhorn]

"I'm trying to stay hidden, duh! Why are you with Flash!?" Twilight scrunched her muzzle tightly, as her slender hoof jabbed her sister in the ribs.

And my fear was realized. But I am not fond of his character, so I guess that's fine.

[Zaid ValRoa]

Unexpected, but not unwelcome.

[Hannah Nelson]

Nice! I'm exited to see where gleaming goes from here!

[ThePeer]

damn this is an old story, gonna check it out 😎

[ZauronTheChangeling]

It lives! I *knew* I had a graveyard list for a reason.

[David Silver]

AI Review: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217075/ai-reviews/thread/521187/the-mare-does-well-by-undyne-devotion

[DrCygnus]

hly sht it ain't dead!

[ThePeer]

i read the old story, me liked it :)
hopefully, the next chapter won't be 5 years from now.

[ThePeer]

So, I see you got reviewed by an AI, I read it and I think it was inaccurate in some places, and the language was... well robotic, but that is to be expected with the machines.
So I'll give my own small review.

I think that you did an okay job pacing-wise, although it may have gone a little too quickly in some areas. There are a lot of basic sentence structure issues, and in some places, it was hard to understand exactly what was going on, the most notable example being when Jenkins was talking to himself. Something that contributes to this is the very quick pace, where we jump from place to place. This story is only 10k words, yet a lot happens.

It's really cute, that is for sure, there were a lot of awwwww moments. I liked the tension between Gleaming/Shining and Flash, and the consequences that will have for cadence. Although, I do think it is out of character for Gleaming to cheat.

This is one of the best trans stories I have personally read, I think you used it in a very creative way, although if I were to write it I would have dragged out the struggle a bit longer and removed Luna's interference, but that is just a personal taste thing.

Sorry if this 'review' is fairly short (less review, more of just how I feel about the story), it's mainly just to give you some human feedback.
I hope this helps you just a little bit, and I wish you well with your future writing.

[Luchocas]

Wow unexpected update.

"So ma'am you're a traveler, but by the way, you tell those stories. I'd bet bits to donuts, that you're what a writer?" Flash reached over to playfully poke the soft mare on the hoof.

So much unnecessary (and wrong) punctuation in this sentence, it makes it painful to read.

[a creature]

IT LIVES?

[a creature]

thanks for chapterrr hope ur ok

[AvoidingFever17]

OMG ITS BACK!

[whitepawrolls]

Glad to see this being continued. Hope there is going to be more

[LilacHeart]

Hope you continue this, tis good stuff.