Authors note: The story will be more of the interaction between Shining Armour and Flash Sentry and the bromance that doesn't blossom. I wrote this story solely because I really liked the idea of military ponies but didn't want to make an OC.
Thanks for reading
Flash sentry was a Pegasus royal guard with a lot going for him. He was working his way up the ranks as a prominent soldier, and was the rising star amongst his peers. After a mistake in battle causes Flash to question his abilities as a soldier, Captain Shining Armour reassigns him to castle guard duty in Canterlot.
During the captain’s royal wedding, Flash catches a glimpse of a purple unicorn mare. Months later, fate steps in and he meets her properly for the first time. When they start dating, it seems he had finally made a right decision… until Flash finds out who her older brother is.
Let the games begin! (wut)
Less on the romance and more on the comedy. Don't think of it of a TwiXFlash fic
Edited and Proofread by Level Dasher
Also the picture is by a very talented artist on deviant art. Here is his page
http://dm29.deviantart.com/
Now I has to waits!!! But great first chapter
I
it! Gimmee more
This looks like it could be fun.
Couple bits of advice:
One -- don't be afraid to use "said" when attributing dialogue. It's one of those "invisible" words that your reader will never really notice... but they will notice you going out of your way to avoid it by constantly using other attributions like "roared", "stated", "questioned", "offered", "queried", "called", etc., and too much of that gets distracting. (It's an offshoot of the "don't swallow a thesaurus" principle.
)
Second -- it's enough to say that Shining Armor "shouted" his dialogue; it's not necessary to put it in ALL-CAPS too.
That makes it look like he's screaming hysterically, instead of just raising his voice loudly enough to override the other speakers.
Good story, but the chapter name doesn't match the topic
Dude, I thought we had gone over the section separations. Big block of text is a no-no.
3738273
Thanks for pointing those things out. That's my bad— should've said something. Late-night editing sessions can cause slips sometimes...
3740832
Oh damn, I did add spaces but I think the copy over screwed it up... Will fix it when I get back
This definitely has potential!
I shall see were this goes. No rating yet.
3742404
Will so my best to please!!
3742429
With that typo, so far so good.
Tracking.
There still isn't enough of the actually story yet to form a real opinion... which makes all those Dislikes really weird.
3738273
There... were no other speakers. He really was screaming -furiously-.
I quite like it. I'm no shipper of any kind, but if the story is well written, then I have no problem with TwiFlash. I don't really know why so many people is so negative towards Flash Sentry. I agree that his apparance in EQG isn't ideal and somewhat flat in personality, but to me it just gives an author an excuse to develop the character more under their own likes.
I really hope there will be some good romantic moments. I'm actually considering writing my own TwiFlash story...
3742490
The first dislikes was because then damn formatting made me post a wall of text
Then I got three more which I believe comes from eqg haters.
Either way its cool, at least I know people like it too.
3742434
Dammit, never liked to type from phones.
3742615
Probably not much, the story will revolve around Flash and his subsequent military life juggled with love life along with Shining armour facing the same problem with Cadence. But yes there will be the little bits of love
3742490
There was at least one other speaker in the conversation -- Flash Sentry.
3743366 Flash was cowering not talking, thus there was no need to talk over him.
LOL!!!!
Ba-hahahahahaha!!! Oh my gods... Shining Armor... you need to make your points a lot more clearer when discussing both your wife and little sister... And Flash... how did the thought of a sister NOT cross your mind at all?
I like you, you know that? I really do.
3746055
Never really liked OCs, I made one when I first started but he was awful (alicorn duh) so I gave up mostly completely to try and make one, there will be side oc characters but no main ones
3744818
Me and my editor took quite some time to come up with that joke, I'm happy someone got it
Well anyway, thanks to all for the good feedback, I actually had planned to not continue this story in favour of another but all these encouraging (and some not so but constructive) really makes me want to keep doing it.
Thanks guys
3746233
Same here. I do love Background Characters though. They're like OCs in that you can choose whatever personality you want, but they're not cheesy like OCs and people have a level of familiarity with them beforehand. In particular, I like the Quill and Sofa guy. Perhaps a bit too much
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Instant Fave just from the title.
I just love this story. I can completely understand Shining Armour's reaction, as a fellow older brother.
Watch out for that tree!
3751957
Damnit, you beat me too it!
Nice job, Waiting for the next!
I can honestly say, I can't wait for chapter 2.
I love this! I want so much more Flash Sparkle fan tics!
Can't wait for the up date
For the damnedest of reason I have the George of the Jungle theme song stuck in my head now.
3758649
I'm not sure how this is my fault?
3759033
Him flying into the tree made me think of it.
But really brilliant work so far. I look forward to seeing where things go from here
Good to see some Flashlight! And hey, it's not a horrible rating! Good stuff.
Aw,Now I got the George of the Jungle stuck in my head...
Looking forward for some more. Always glad to see another FlashLight story that doesn't suck. At least, not yet. Don't slack of. I don't like reading bad stories and I will read this one. I do not want to be dissapointed
This looks promising. (and good to see you fixed that no paragraph spacing thing, tried reading it before and gave up)
I am a bit confused by the part were Shining and Flash are discussing the changelings.
A. If this is at the after party of the wedding, why is Shining alone in the maze?
B. Flash's report. What was he doing during the invasion/after? I am having difficulty figuring out the sequence of events.
On the good side: Technical writing skills seem fine, we have what appears to be a competent and professional Flash (can I get a hallelujah?!), and of course, I'm a sucker for pretty much any Shining Armor story.
Finally:
Apparently you can marry into the Royal Canterlot Voice.
3767108
I am a bit confused by the part were Shining and Flash are discussing the changelings.
A. If this is at the after party of the wedding, why is Shining alone in the maze?
B. Flash's report. What was he doing during the invasion/after? I am having difficulty figuring out the sequence of events.
A. My idea here is that he broke away from the party and cadence to think about his future (Maybe spoilers) to do with cadence and twilight, It may or may not later be expanded on as to why he was alone.
B. Flash Sentry in my headcanon was on the front lines fighting the changelings, he let them through because they disguised themselves as fleeing civillians (The front lines are not at canterlot but on the border of the bad lands) After the front line disperses to fall back in order to protect Canterlot. Flash sees Shining Armour's evergy thing repel all the changlings, being one of the few still not heavily wounded soldiers, he gathers as many troops as he cans and pushes them back (It's written in the story I believe.)
static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130403195245/mlp/images/c/cb/Map_of_Equestria_April_2013.jpg
3765351
I probably shouldn't do this but what exactly would you define a sucky story? I currently have tons of ways this story branches out but am not sure which direction to take (I have storylines for romance, comedy, action, slice of life, dark)
So if you can, tell me what you find sucky in a story and I will make sure to try and avoid it. (Newbie writer here)
3769721 Basically, the question is "What makes a good story?"
Well... if you want an answer, I don't think there is one. Some could say that a well written story is good, but I read a lot of stories where I gave up halfway because I lost patience. Background Pony is one such story, with great story, well written and such, but I can't force myself to get into the second half and I can't think of why.
Or maybe its a story thats popular, but, you know... that's not always true.
Good news is, that I'm interested in what's to come. Flash seems like a good pick for protagonist of a story, but most of the times I've seen him, he's turned into a joke or a jerk with hardly any personality, if only because fans are too afraid to lose their pony-waifu (that, or the fact that he was painfully bland in EqG).
Also, great job on the ending. My personal theory is that if the first chapter ends with a bang, more people will be interested. And so far its true.
OUCH!
3769721
Thanks for the explanation! Makes much more sense now.
You know, I'm getting the feeling that this story may turn out like this
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/73/Ride_Along_movie_poster.png
Get your head out of the clouds, metaphorical, Flash unless you like butting heads on everything like a certain rainbow manned Pegasus.
OTP so insta-faved
Oh Flash
When are you posting the next? I needs to know
3834855
I have a slow working ability, sorry, The next chapter is gonna be full of lols so look forward to it, I might blog a bit about it but it might take a while.
I was actually hoping to get it out before the hype went down so I could get to the feature page (Those dislikes pulled me down) But I got to the popular bar so I am happy enough.)
As I said, the next chap will be happy with a bit of sad. Action comes later
Can't wait lov it already
you can tell this will be a good story.
can't wait for the next!!
Question. When's the next part coming out?
3909424
I feel bad, I'm only a quarter way through, I'm so sorry. I had work so I only started this week