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Interesting. I'll follow it.
EDIT: I am Numbah 1! Yaaah, baby.
I look forward to more mayhem this mare will cause.
Allow me
7320023 Oh...it was just "Awaken" not "Awakening"... FUCK! I knew I should've done a quick double check before I submitted the chapter!
I can understand why some would dislike this.
Hell, I dislike it a bit simply because of how callous Lyra is. Makes me miss Wham!/Wamuu all the more. Guy was essentially an eldritch horror in humanoid-form after Kars and his Stone Mask experiments (it's implied or spelled out at the end of Battle Tendency via back-story dump that the Pillar Men are exactly as they are because of use of the Stone Mask, while their kin, prior to their slaughter, may have been on the level of the usual sub-terranean vampire-like creatures) and ate a whole platoon of Nazi soldiers in moments, but... he was still an honor-bound fellow, at least, he's the closest to "Token Good Teammate" one could be while still being a villain.
Still, as you said, this Lyra is based of Santana. Santana, in turn, gave no fucks about the lives of "primitives". So, I'm not going to thumbs-down this. That'd be being a jerk.
Yet still I like characters with some morals more than someone just eating people because they/it can. But that's my preference and opinion, though I did indeed read this.
Edit: BTW, no Cross-Over tag? I'm kinda confused there.
Will Lyra meet up with a Modern time Bon Bon, wills he be Lyra's soul mate, and how would they meet up, Lyra exploring around and rescues her, or bumps into her and both start to talk?
7333785 Honestly, with this version of Lyra... it would probably be best if nobody actually "meets up" with her.
For their sakes.
7320154 Speaking of silliness... I'm not telling you to insert some other person's OC, but I just formed an image of stupid in my head that undermines the horror aspect of this story. Goes to some diner, some soup-shop, and in cliche happens to be the only patron at that point, while the sole chef, let's call the pegasus Jet Stream, is at the kitchen...
She tries to seduce/eat him, to "pay" for the meal ahead of time. His response, assuming he would not yet be in her grip is thus:
---
Again, not how it would happen, but that's how the character I call Jet Stream would react prior to any death on his part. XD He's not an idiot... but he's not exactly open to mares giving him fake bedroom eyes and proclaiming that she could pay another way.
I apologize for going on this tangent, and understand if you delete this particular post/comment.
7333747
Sorry. Will drop the Crossover tag. At first I thought it wouldn't be necessary, but yeaaaah I've gone way to far into Jojo territory at this point...
Also, I based her more on the abilities Santana displayed, not necessarily his personality. Unlike the other Pillar Men he seemed to manipulate his body more, even using it to make his body like rubber to withstand basic attacks utilizing the Ripple. I would have loved to see what else he did had he survived long enough.
On the note of being the "Token Good Teammate", technically Kars was too. Like, I absolutely LOVE that scene just because seeing a villain not be a murderous psychopath towards his/her own team makes me so happy. Wham even demanded that Kars deliver a punishment on to him for attempting to strike Kars and Kars was just like "Naw dude. I legit forgot that you hate people stepping on your shadow. That was my bad and I'm sorry for being so disrespectful. I promise I'll never step on your shadow like that again."
Like, when I first got to that part I was expecting Wham to be the guy the Pillar Men demonstrated their powers on. But NOPE. Kars was just like, aw shit my b. Got on a bit of a tangent there but I really do love that bit. Anyway, cut her some slack. She didn't have the best upbringing and she suddenly got crazy powers in a room full of douchebags that tried to kill her first. Why not go crazy?
You're a good man Charlie Brown.
7334263 Fair enough.
... I stupidly want to see that scene I typed somewhere (Jet's not a douchebag. He's a stallion of standards, including not letting a mare prostrate herself as payment for a mere meal, though he wouldn't have known he was the main course) in this... but it just DOESN'T fit.
Plus, it's not my story. Not my call.
And my favorite dynamic in Part 2 was the warriors bond thing Joseph and Wham! had going on. JoJo won... He won't let them deface that victory!
This is pretty grotesque. I like it
Interesting...
Hm. This part went by fast. I mean, she lamented before the flashback about not getting revenge on the place that kept spitting on her, so it fits, and it wastes no time, but wow. XD
Wonder if anyone would ever even attempt to call her out on her gluttonous behavior and ask if she's even that mare that tried to do the right thing -which as it turns out played into the hands of idiots, alas- anymore?
Then again, this is not a story to take seriously, I suppose. Just kinda wish -and again, NOT MY STORY- she would start actually talking with people instead of eating 'em. I mean, she devastated one civilization and it's automatically assumed she'll eat and kill everything? ... Unless children were among the victims (which it appears not, unless some were warriors still attacking her) and I missed that.
Still, would be a nice twist. "Did you fuck with me? No. So, you're not going to die. Toodles."
Of course, she was woken and freed by somebody, and the first person she met she just ate without care.
Hm... Almost paint by numbers following of it at this point. Here's a question: what would have Kars (thus possibly Miss Fem-bot breasts over in this fic) have even cared to DO aside from vengeance on Joseph... And what of others? I mean, if she's not the first to be on that altar...
My mind went to silly places that don't match the fic's tone again, with that pegasus OC emulating Wham. XD. Only, it doesn't help the fic. He'd be an obstacle out of his standards and disgust.
Still, Lyra, unlike Santana, is free to roam... and some part of me still wishes she would do more than kill, eat, and seduce. Like stop and talk. Get to know people/ponies.
Clearly, I am missing something. Maybe an AU or something? Eh, don't want to ruin whatever there is to ruin.
Others would easily find Lyra, too.
Hm... You know, if I'm just going to keep looking at this fic, thinking about it... Might as well follow the author. If I ever actually add this to my faves, I'll mark the folder "guilty pleasures".
Boob guns? Hmmm, reminds me of that one Austin Powers movie
.... now if i only remembered the name of that movie
7365084 "RELEASE THE FEM-BOTS!"
... Frau... ow, my ears.
7365116 :D ahh the Classics
7365445 also, it was the first movie, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery.
TRIXIE'S SCIENCE IS THE BEST IN ZA WARUDO!!!! img07.deviantart.net/ef6d/i/2014/319/d/d/trixie_wa_sekai_ichi_by_mayorlight-d86js48.jpg
This was sexy and disturbing at the same time. C'mon Lyra give the poor stallions a bit of enjoyment before you eat them.
7376842
...don't tempt me...
7376842 *snirk* Stroheim!Trixie... Oh dear lord, the levels of ham.
An unstoppable monster is unleashed from its prison.
Not a fan of anthro (so not going to vote up or down) but please, for the love of little green apples, correct the short description.
Hm... Still am one of those idiots that can't just sit back and enjoy, particular with her... selective... morals.
Plus, I'm now less reminded of any of the Pillar Men and more of that outright evil slime-maid from Overlord. -_- I'm sorry, dude. Basically, I'm one of those that think "Why bother following this character if she's just going to be a complete monster?"
Something along the Eight Deadly Words trope.
Lyra is a complete monster.
The Griffons were all dicks.
Anyone I could have cared for is either dead or off-screen.
And any "fetish" appeal is basically dead in the wake of how casual and evil she is about it all. She enjoys making them struggle in vain, even if they've done little more than defend themselves. Hell, her first victim after her wake-up didn't even do anything to her.
I kinda still want to follow in the hopes of her developing and no longer being such an unrepentant monster. The horrible early life she had doesn't excuse this much at all. As it stands, she's... bland. Boring.
Just discovered this and thoroughly enjoyed reading it through. The story is rather cut-and-dry with the ancient terror brought back angle, but you've done some quite interesting world building with the griffons and the whole Mexicolt stage, really made this quite... cinematic. And despite what the other reader said about her coming across as completely a monster, the fact she interfered to help that mare and let her leave, as well as ignoring Daring until she attacked her suggests otherwise. Even the griffon she was happy to spare until he tried to one up her. Definitely curious as to what this gem will do for her since she seeks it so eagerly. Honestly though mostly read through for that delicious fetish content, all that killing with just her breasts is certainly delicious. Hope to see more boob action in the chapters to come, heh.
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i.imgur.com/Ov9EDJG.png
7580998
To be completely honest, a bit of it is my fault. I have amended the main story description to warn ahead of time about the gratuitous murder. I also want to point out that this was never 100% for the story. If it seems weak...well...you're not wrong. I'm not necessarily trying to write an amazing world with a diverse cast of characters that you'll grow to love and hate and cry over. I'm trying to write shameless clop. Nothing more, nothing less. And to be honest, as you have been saying, there's no way to justify a lot of this logically without a HELLUVA lot of this and that and that's not what I am writing this for.
This whole shebang started with one simple gripe. No one made the kind of clop I wanted to read. So, after an extremely long time of searching and waiting I decided "eh, fuck it, I'll do it. But better. With blackjack and hookers!" (exceptnotliterally)
I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted. But you could always take my approach and just write your own version if that would satisfy you. I don't particularly give a damn if you 'steal characters or ideas or whatever'. Go for it. Or don't. Or write your own completely different story. With character development, better writing, better world building, blackjack, and hookers! The world is your oyster. Except for this little tiny plot of land right here. This is my shameless clop. And I intend to clop furiously. I hope you understand. i also hope you clop but ya know whatever...
7762174 In my opinion, writing a version of your story just to say "I can do this better", even when I KNOW I can't... is insulting to you as a writer. I don't like insulting people. I gripe, true, though...
It's just that I'm too much of a fan of characters like, say, Wamuu or Josuke, more than Kars or Esidisi, or of All Might or Momoga than Shalltear or Bakugou, to namedrop anime characters off the top of my head. *shrug* That's all.
Honestly, to some degree her mindset is understandable. She's been abused and treated like dirt for so much of her life, and now that she has this power, she's going to use it as she sees fit. Still, I'm the type of person that wonders "is she the only one of the ritual 'sacrificed' beings still around?" or "Is she ever going to get tired of just murdering people and tone it down a notch?" Like, there's a possibility of more like her that... don't like how obvious her trail of death in her wake is. *shrug* Or maybe she feels like just savoring some mundane meal for a change of routine? You keep doing the same thing again and again, it gets... stale.
Like baseless murder because she can. Admittedly, a bit of relief that Bon-Bon got to live, but at the same time it greatly contrasts with her "no witnesses" policy. Also, her stating she wants to just live her life while murdering somebody -though in this case it was a bit of self-defense- reminds me a bit of Kira... I never liked Kira, never understood him having fans that were angry at the JoJo crew for messing with "his" life... of murdering women for his hand fetish.
This did, however I will admit, half-inspire an Magic: The Gathering cross-over of one-shot vignettes I've yet to write proper. First draft of idea, Lyra is a created Eldrazi spawn much in the same vein as those of Innistrad, but retaining her mind because... vague Planeswalker Spark related reasons. With the revelation of Emrakul sealing herself in Innistrad's moon and the "stars shall aid in her escape" thing, however, second draft, Lyra is both a "suit" and extension of Emrakul herself that started feeling out of it around Luna's return -and processing Emrakul's thoughts through "herself" as a filter to a point where they are one and the same- and the body is malleable. For example of the vignette, Tirek tries to eat her magic... He accidentally draws the horror herself out of the Blind Eternities completely, and it's only because she's still filtering through the mind of "Lyra Heartstrings" that things didn't go to hell in a hand-basket for all of Equestria just from her being THERE.
Also, her frustrations at trying to craft a new smaller body, a new "Lyra Heartstrings", and her power being so vast that her control is SHIT.
Example(s):
And the failed body construction, using the head she makes as a vocal hand-puppet because she can't exactly speak...
FanOfMostEverything and I speculated the idea that this immense eldritch horror became a more relatable being because of her filtering through a pony mind. Hence, her Lyra Heartstrings mindset. Also, taking a dig at Zesty Gourmand, as we do. *shrug* Because news gets out that this little mare is a big ol' monster o' doom.
Basically, you inspired something, just not an "I can do it better" fic. XD
... If I HAD to take your invitation, though, it would likely start play out as Joseph Joestar kind of expected before Santana/Sanviento started trying to kill him.
I like the newest chapter and glad Bon Bon in the story, Lyra could get a normal life, having fun and sharing it with Bon Bon, get a sweet loving wife as well.
7762625 You get a thumbs-up, because somebody here has to be encouraging... and it is usually not me, as evidenced by my earlier griping. :D
I've kept meaning to comment on this, I think, but by all evidence I haven't yet, and that's kind of a shame. I feel awful not encouraging you, you're a really rare class of people who I dearly appreciate. I'm not going to hold any punches – I enjoy incredibly weird, amateurishly written porn, a lot. And this is incredibly weird, amateurishly written porn! It's great!
But, unlike the vast majority of purveyors of such material, I think you also realize that? Which is so wonderful. So many things I find that scratch my itch turn out to genuine attempts to write a serious and compelling and great story... by someone who doesn't really understand what that consists of.
The authors are generally very susceptible to negativity or criticism, but also filled with an earnest desire to put the best possible work forward, which leaves them in a vulnerable place where as soon as they become aware of the problems in their work they completely collapse and abandon it.
It also leaves me in an awkward position, because I want to say "I love this, keep writing more" so I can encourage them, and get more of their delicious amateur fiction, but that risks pushing them even deeper into that disconnect between what they think they're doing and what they're actually doing; and I also want to say "This has a lot of problems, and if you want to work on them you should start thinking on your characterization, like in this scene." because helping people improve and fulfill their desires is great, but that also risks them not reacting well, and the best case scenario is that they start writing well-constructed weird porn, which is still nice but doesn't have the same je ne sais quoi.
...okay, that probably turned into more tangential ranting than you deserved, sorry.
But the point I'm trying to make is that you seem not that. I (think) I can say "This isn't that great but I absolutely love it and you should keep writing more." and you'll get the nuance of that and appreciate it, instead of being totally lost and confused on how I could appreciate something that isn't perfect.
I feel like I should actually comment on some of the in-story stuff, too, though. There's all the basics: assimilation and weird gore and vore and the whole 'basically goo physics but still flesh somehow' are all fantastic and I've been enjoying how you've been handling it all. Have to admit I'd probably enjoy this a little more with non-anthro ponies, but I suppose it gives you some differing anatomies to work with and it's definitely not ruining anything. (Plus, know, breasts are always nice.) Lyra's backstory is pretty nice and compelling – I think you're intentionally making her both sympathetic but morally broken, and I appreciate that.
I really like how you resisted the trap of 'Try to map every JoJo element one-to-one', so there aren't three other pillar mares somewhere, and we don't have three chapters of Daring trying to climb out of a pit, or any of that. I love how Lyra's motivation is to just stop having to deal with any of this shit, and has no concerns of world domination or anything. I think the story has been stagnating a little by not having Lyra have anyone to act as a decent constant foil – I was pretty excited by Bon Bon's introduction, but it doesn't seem like she's staying on camera, so that's a bit unfortunate. Daring's been doing an alright job when she's around, but she's also directly antagonistic, which limits a lot of things.
Zeek's design was amazing and I can't tell if it was earnest or ironic or a mix of the two, but I kind of thought it was really really dumb and hilarious, but if I managed to suppress that instinct had a layer of 'kind of cool' in there somewhere. So whatever your intent was with it, I appreciated it on multiple levels.
Hopefully I didn't totally miss my mark with this comment, and hoping to see another update soon! Keep it up!
7876965
I can't properly put into words how much this comment made my day, sir.
All that is largely based on Santanna and his crazy elasticity and eatin people with just his flesh thing (though Wammu did the flesh eating thing too...RIP Mark...I barely knew ye...). As far as the anthro goes, I mean, you can spin that however you want. You can make it human or whatever "variation" of pone anthro you please in your head. Hasn't made a particularly huge difference in the story so far. I've done that sometimes when I read other fics. Whichever works for people.
Oh that was never gonna be a thing. Oh gawd no. Then I'd 'just be writing Battle Tendency, but with extremely saucy R63 Pillar Men. And I can just watch Battle Tendency for that and have my mind wander about some weird kinky shit. I do feel a little bad completely pushing Daring Do off to the side, but eh. Showing her doing some training or whatever wouldn't really be interesting, so I just have to live with that. The only thing I've tried hard to keep in is the narrator. For the last two chapters I've done that lil brief explanation of the upcoming place and such, kinda like how the narrator for Part 2 did. I love that narrator and he, as far as I'm concerned, was a huge part of Battle Tendency's charm for me. I also kinda wanted some kind of recurring Stroheim in there, cuz Stroheim is one of my favorite characters, but I couldn't think of a way for that to work without bending over backward.
See, I'm sad cuz I didn't really get to have him do much, I felt. But I'm really glad you liked him. Him, and a character coming up, aren't really based on anyone in particular. I just really wanted to create a ripple user from a different culture. I definitely didn't want to make "Pone Ceasar". That's easy. Sure he's a zebra so the first thought is African, but I kinda wanted to make this African born Zebra that just liked Japanese culture and was also a ripple user. Steel conducts ripple energy (but what doesn't in that Part 2) so having a ripple user that used a katana would be kinda cool. More importantly, the other one I wanted to create was much more interesting and I'm sad Part 2 never did anything with that in Mexico. Gonna just drop light hints on that now cuz whatever. But he WAS kinda inspired by El Fuerte when I was watching some SFV stream and he just kinda popped in my mind. But dude, combine that style of fighting with ripple energy. You know how cool that'd be!? So, you're fighting in a strange environment? Bruh, the Ripple is dumb! It's done stupid stuff in the show! Do kick ass thing with that! I'unno, maybe their is a rope stretched between two trees or something. Wrestling Ring! Ripple charge that thing to make it bounce you back like the ropes in a ring! Anyway...
Yeah, this is amateurish. But I'm aware of that. Like I've mentioned before. This came out of a long time desire to see certain kinds of fetishes or situations and to this day I've never seen anyone go where I want them to go so I finally decided, fuck it! I'mmah do it myself! Never really written a story up til now so I more than realize that it's gonna turn out looking really amateur. That's fine. As long as I get the story and scenes across, that's all that matters to me. And there is a story there I guess. Mostly to give things a reason. Nothing more, nothing less. After this, I plan to write a few other heavily fetish based stories (probably not as long though). So, hoorah. Thanks a buttload for that comment, Exuno. Sorry I haven't written the next chapter yet. I got heavily distracted by AGDQ 2017 and practicing Smash 4 (gonna enter CEO Dreamland). Will try and have something this weekend.
...but seriously though...that Batman Forever run at AGDQ...oh sweet childhood vindication...
Keep this story going I wanna see how this ends when we get to it of course but until then keep going
7916789
Sorry! I've been distracted the last few weeks. Super sorry! I just finished writing a bunch. Gonna try and finish the chapter tomorrow. Or tonight? I mean, yeah it's like 6 AM right now, but as far as I'm concerned, the day don't end til I go to sleep! So, tomorrow. Sorry for that unintentionally long break. I didn't forget, I swear. I just kept getting distracted REALLY hard...
In my defense, Rivercity Ransom Underground comes out in just a few days and I'm incredibly hype and the beta has been really promising so far! That and Smash 4 practice. >__>
I understand
I love this keep going
Definitely an interesting story, but so far as clop with plot goes, could definitely use a lot more clop. The stuff in the last chapterr with the Zebra was great, for example, sex and torture and eventually death. It's just a shame that scene seemed to be so unique in this so far, it has a lot of potential.
Cliffhanger....
1.bp.blogspot.com/-FAvBN7Ai73o/ULEnFk5V9KI/AAAAAAAABco/4zl0sUvjmJE/s320/1234931504682.jpg
THE ULTIMATE LIFE FORM HAS BEEN BORN!
I am loving this story.
There will be more FemDom then just that one blowjob, right?
Cliffhanger. I need help. Some more chapters would help me climb back to safety.
Huh. Looking at this again after ages, even if it's only the title... While I made no secret in the past I cared very little for Lyra... I do still want to see where it goes from that accursed cliffhanger. I mean, does she just smack them away and walk off, since now she doesn't NEED to eat as she has in the past, nor are they even a threat? Does she maim them? Does she slaughter them? ... Can she please not do the cruel squirrel moment, considering personally I felt that was at odds with Kars saving the dog in JJBA? XD
Eh, you're busy, stuff happens in life, simple as that.
Soldier: This fic is DED! Amen.
7376881
In jojo's nobody has any fun except for the antagonists
All the victims scream in fear as they're eaten alive
And all the protagonists are either angry, shouty or angry, broody
8187776
If this were to be continued, then we know that Daring will probably send Lyra to space(through sheer dumb luck!) where she will eventually stop thinking.