Premature Cross Pollination

by Super Trampoline

A True True Friend Helps A Friend In Need

"Wow."

"I told you."

"Yeah...huh...I...huh...huh...wasn't...huh...prepared...huh...for that...huh."

"Deep breaths. Deep breaths, Sonya. I'm glad I, uh satisfied you."

"Yes. Yes you did. How... how did you get so--so good, no, amazing with your tongue?"

"I told you, I'm an eighth giraffe."

"Bullshit."

"Uh, that's an unfortunate turn of phrase to Equestrian ears."

"Oh, right. Whoops. But seriously--here, scoot over a little. Seriously, you have no right to be that good at cunnilingus."

"And yet you just taught me several new American expletives over the past fifteen minutes. I'm surprised you weren't smited, you naughty girl."

"Ooo, Guilty as charged. Now spill the beans. You were like... you were like a lesbian down there. What's your secret?"

"The real answer is, um, decidedly unsexy."

"I don't think I need anymore sexy for a few weeks anyway. Enlighten me."

"Very well. As you may be aware, ponies--and horses--descended from prey animals."

"You going Zootopia on me?"

"You do not want to get me started on the gross inaccuracies of that motion picture. As I was saying, while us ponies may be princesses and princes of Equiis now--"

"I mean, you named your world after yourselves."

"So did the Chinese. We may rule the roost now, but our ancestors were hunted by many predators: griffons, tigers, hydras, sirens, uh, wolves, timber wolves..."

"Yeah, like Earth predators, plus mythological things from Greece."

"Exactly. I still find that really weird."

"Buddy, my whole life has been weird ever since your damned nerd princess ripped a hole in reality."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It's not. Go on."

"So, yeah, it used to be that if ponies had sexy time for too long, we'd get eaten. Decidedly unsexy."

"Some people are into that, you know."

"Lady, you don't know half the crazy spells I've had to translate."

"Yeah, it's like you guys developed magic in place of the internet."

"Right. So basically, stallions that could ejaculate quickly passed their genes on to future generations of ponies slightly more often than those that took their sweet time."

"So this all boils down to evolutionary biology?"

"Doesn't everything?"

"I guess?"

"I told you the explanation was unsexy."

"Okay, but that still doesn't explain your tongue dexterity."

"Gotta impress the mares somehow. It worked on you, didn't it?"

"Wow."

Author's Note:

Comments

[Shocks]

>69 words total
>69th story

how u do dis

[dirty little secret]

And here I was hoping for a half-horse baby to be born.

[Super Trampoline]

7083568

7083629

[Shachza]

I can't promise I'm an amazing writer, but I CAN promise I'm an interesting one!

This story accurately reflects that statement. I'm now disappointed that there's not more to read here...

[The Inner Lewd]

Huh. This story was entirely dialogue, and I liked it. Weird. Also, how the hell is this entire story 69 words, when the chapters are not? What's your secret?

[Super Trampoline]

7083621 I am not very good at writing a lot. Getting these 1,800 words written was a slog for me, and if you look at my stories, you'll see that most of them indeed fall between 1,000 and 2,000 words, because the longer a story gets, the more effort it takes me to finish it.

That being said, I like these characters, and there's a decent amount of back story I didn't end up writing here (and indeed, you can see it took me a second chapter to get to the original idea this story was built around), so I suspect we may see them again in the future. For now, I'd recommend deciding what you liked about this story, and finding some others of mine that are similar.

Thanks for reading!

[Proper Noun]

7083629

Also, how the hell is this entire story 69 words

#fimfiction

[Super Trampoline]

7083822

[Bendy]

They are a sapient species so the 30 rule may not apply. But this sounds interesting nonetheless.

[Super Trampoline]

7083569 IS THAT WHERE EQUESTRIA GIRLS COME FROM?

( Hmm, I think you germinated another crack fic idea.)

[Jordan179]

For some reason, probably that we have better hands, we have much less tongue-lip dexterity than do many other smart mammals, including our close kin. For instance, a gorilla can peel a fruit and spit out the skin with just her lips, tongue and teeth, then eat the fruit. Gorillas, being mostly herbivorous apes, and ones who favor eating fruit, of course can get very good at this. But it's sort of odd that they are so good with their mouths, as gorillas actually have fairly good, and strong, hands.

[PresentPerfect]

I cannot believe you made me read this.

[Super Trampoline]

11057457
I did? It's not even the Twilestia Poop fic I still need to write!

Lol the previous comment was from Jordan179 who I blocked for being an islamaphobic prick

[iisaw]

"Uh, that's an unfortunate turn of phrase to Equestrian ears."

This slew me!

[Super Trampoline]

11058664
thanks for getting me to re-read my story I haven't read in at least five years or however long it's been since shortly after I published it I forgot what it feels like to write good shit