//------------------------------//
// A True True Friend Helps A Friend In Need 
// Story: Premature Cross Pollination 
// by Super Trampoline 
//------------------------------//

"Wow."

"I told you."

"Yeah...huh...I...huh...huh...wasn't...huh...prepared...huh...for that...huh."

"Deep breaths. Deep breaths, Sonya. I'm glad I, uh satisfied you."

"Yes. Yes you did. How... how did you get so--so good, no, amazing with your tongue?"

"I told you, I'm an eighth giraffe."

"Bullshit."

"Uh, that's an unfortunate turn of phrase to Equestrian ears."

"Oh, right. Whoops. But seriously--here, scoot over a little. Seriously, you have no right to be that good at cunnilingus."

"And yet you just taught me several new American expletives over the past fifteen minutes. I'm surprised you weren't smited, you naughty girl."

"Ooo, Guilty as charged. Now spill the beans. You were like... you were like a lesbian down there. What's your secret?"

"The real answer is, um, decidedly unsexy."

"I don't think I need anymore sexy for a few weeks anyway. Enlighten me."

"Very well. As you may be aware, ponies--and horses--descended from prey animals."

"You going Zootopia on me?"

"You do not want to get me started on the gross inaccuracies of that motion picture. As I was saying, while us ponies may be princesses and princes of Equiis now--"

"I mean, you named your world after yourselves."

"So did the Chinese. We may rule the roost now, but our ancestors were hunted by many predators: griffons, tigers, hydras, sirens, uh, wolves, timber wolves..."

"Yeah, like Earth predators, plus mythological things from Greece."

"Exactly. I still find that really weird."

"Buddy, my whole life has been weird ever since your damned nerd princess ripped a hole in reality."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It's not. Go on."

"So, yeah, it used to be that if ponies had sexy time for too long, we'd get eaten. Decidedly unsexy."

"Some people are into that, you know."

"Lady, you don't know half the crazy spells I've had to translate."

"Yeah, it's like you guys developed magic in place of the internet."

"Right. So basically, stallions that could ejaculate quickly passed their genes on to future generations of ponies slightly more often than those that took their sweet time."

"So this all boils down to evolutionary biology?"

"Doesn't everything?"

"I guess?"

"I told you the explanation was unsexy."

"Okay, but that still doesn't explain your tongue dexterity."

"Gotta impress the mares somehow. It worked on you, didn't it?"

"Wow."