• Published 24th Apr 2016
  • 2,077 Views, 88 Comments

The Price of Magic - Raichu



After not seeing Twilight Sparkle for years, Princess Celestia is surprised when Twilight shows up at the castle, needing a foalsitter for the daughter Celestia never knew she had. This filly is far from normal as Celestia will soon learn...

  • ...
20
 88
 2,077

Chapter 4

I woke up in a small bed. It was comfy, and warm, and I almost didn’t want to leave. But I had to. I didn’t know where I was. I certainly wasn’t back home with Twilight. The door to the room suddenly opened and a mare walked in. She smiled at me warmly, as if she had known me forever.

“Hello, Duchess Spirit Blaze,” she said to me, bowing slightly before standing again. “Would you like something to drink?”

Now that I thought about it, I was parched. I wasn’t sure why this mare was calling me Duchess or if this was even real at all, but I nodded.

“Milk, water, or tea?” She asked.

“Water, please,” I croaked, my voice sounding like I had swallowed gravel. My throat hurt and my paws ached.

My paws! I pulled off the bed sheet to see that my paws on my hind legs were still intact. I wiggled them. I could feel them. My tails were still there too. I unwrapped them from my legs and looked at them. They were still there. Why would I think they wouldn’t be, though?

Oh, right. Auntie Celestia had a fight with my mother. There was a bright light and… I woke up here. Maybe I was dead. I wasn’t sure. I was sure that there wasn’t any pain in heaven, though.

I glanced at the wall and spotted a dresser. On top of the dresser was a suitcase that I immediately recognized to be mine. Oh, right. I was in my room in the Canterlot Castle. That made sense. This room was way too fancy to be anything else.

Why were they calling me Duchess though? That part didn’t make any sense. I wasn’t royalty… oh wait, I kind of was. Mom was a princess so that made me… a princess, right? Or maybe a Duchess? I didn’t know how titles worked. I wasn’t even sure what a Duchess was.

The mare eventually came back with my water. I quickly drank it and thanked her.

“Anything else, Duchess Spirit Blaze?”

“Can you call me just Spirit?” I asked, my voice no longer sounding like I had swallowed gravel, thanks to the water.

“Yes, Spirit.” She replied. “Anything else?”

“How about some chicken?”

“Of course, Spirit,” She said and exited once more. I smiled and rubbed my hooves together. I could get used to this.

I was going to have to. Didn’t Auntie Celestia say I was going to live with her from now on? I suppose she did. So I’d have treatment like this every day? Sounded good, but it could get boring.

My door opened again and this time Auntie Celestia slipped inside. She seemed to be okay, but then she collapsed onto the floor before my bed. She quickly stood up again before I could run to her and gave me a stern look.

“I’m alright.” She said. I could see that she was definitely not alright, however, considering the reddish tinge to her eyes and the bags beneath them. She’d been crying. She seemed to try and play it off, but I’d seen it happen too many times to Twilight during her magic study sessions in the basement.

“What’s going to happen to Twilight and Smokey? What happened back in the forest? Where am I going to live?” I said quickly. Auntie Celestia sighed and stood.

“Well, Smokey and Twilight will be taken care of. Twilight’s trial will be held tomorrow at noon. She may have to be given less prison time and more rehabilitation time due to her mental state. Using so much dark magic has corrupted her mind and soul. It’ll be a while before she’s back to normal again. As for Smokey, he will be getting a different sort of punishment,” Auntie Celestia explained. She glanced at my wall for a few seconds before continuing. “As for you, I have found a couple looking for a young filly to adopt and are willing to take you in until I can figure everything out. I agreed with them and hoped that you would, too, unless you’d like to stay with me, but I think you will find royal life incredibly boring after a while.”

I nodded in agreement and rubbed my chin in thought. “Who is it? Is it somebody I know?”

“Well, I know you don’t know this couple very well but they were the first and only to volunteer for the job so I’m sure you’ll like them.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. You will get to know them overtime. I’m sure you’ll like them. And if you don’t then you can always come back here.”

“Who are they?” I asked out of excitement. Princess Celestia crouched to reveal two ponies standing behind her.

I immediately recognized the mare as Rarity, one of Twilight’s old friends who came to visit on occasion. She always brought me dresses that I never got to wear due to Twilight’s insistence that I would never need them. She was always kind to me when she came, but Twilight always herded her out quickly like the rest of her friends that came to visit.

Beside her was a stallion I did not recognize. He had a light yellow-brown sort of coat and wore a brown leather jacket. He had on a Stetson that covered his eyes, but when he lifted his hat up, it revealed bright green eyes that stared at me.

“I know that we’ve met in the past, but I shall reintroduce myself. My name is Rarity. I was a friend of your mother’s.” Her tone changed instantly making me jump. “If I had known that Twilight was treating you like that, I would have pulled you out of that household myself! A young mare such as yourself must learn to grow in a proper environment!” Rarity huffed, stamping a hoof. “Why, I would even fight Twilight to get you out of there! You poor thing, it must have been so hard living there. But you shall suffer no more!”

“Thanks, Rarity.” I smiled dimly. “This means a lot to me.”

“Of course, darling.” She replied with a flip of her mane.

“And I’m Braeburn.” The stallion introduced himself, his voice had a thick southern drawl to it. “Rarity and I are your new parents. Ah know you don’t know us very well, but ah hope that you come to know and like us.”

“We’ve already set up a nice room for you in the boutique,” Rarity stated. “I’ll help you pack whatever things you want out of the castle.”
“Thank you so much!” I thanked as I leapt out of the bed and ran over to hug Rarity. She hugged me back tightly before letting go and smiling at me.

“You’re going to be happy with us.” Rarity said. “You may call me Rarity or Mom whichever you prefer.”

“I think I’ll have to adjust to this all before I call you anything.” I said. She nodded, understanding filling her face.

I then turned to Auntie Celestia and frowned. “So what’s up with the whole Duchess Spirit thing?”

“Ah yes.” Auntie Celestia nodded. “You are quite different by pony standards. I’ve recently had a chat with Daredevil and according to him, Kitsune-pony hybrids are apparently numerous, although I have never seen or met any in my entire existence. I assume that neither has the population seen a lot of your species and for that reason alone, I have given you your new status. It should keep ponies from harassing you in any way.”

“How dare they mess with my Spirit!” Rarity shouted, pulling me in a tight hug and instantly getting defensive. “They won’t dare touch her.”

“Of course. But just as a precaution.” Princess Celestia nodded.

“Wait…” Rarity let me go and trotted forward in suspicion. “Do we all get the title of Duchess and Duke?”

“Of course.”

Rarity seemed to explode in happiness and excitement as she squealed but then paused, coughed and returned to a more formal manner.
“That was not very ladylike. I’m sorry, your Majesty,” She apologized, bowing at the hooves of Celestia.

“So we’re going to live in Ponyville?” I asked.

Breaburn nodded. “Ah believe they are more used to… odder things. Although ah know it may remind you of your mother, ah do believe it would be beneficial to you if you stayed there with us. Plus Rarity ain’t so fond of moving.”

“Alright.” I nodded in agreement. “I would love to live with you guys!”

“Then it’s settled.” Princess Celestia spoke. “These are your new parents.”

“Yay!” I said happily and ran into the embrace of my new parents.

********************

Somewhere below the castle, Twilight Sparkle paced a small cell. She felt at the dispersion ring on her horn. She played with her mane. Her eyes glowed a light red. She resumed pacing.

A doctor suddenly walked into her room with a clipboard. She attempted to lunge at him and failed, falling a few feet away from the doctor. She glanced back at the chain that had attached her leg to the wall and glared at the doctor.

“I want to see Spirit.” Her voice took an angry tone.

“You may see her when you’re better.” He said. “Twilight, you are suffering from magic poisoning, corruption, dark influences and magic withdrawals.”

“I want to see Spirit.” She repeated.

“We need to know how much dark and light magic you have used over the years. It will help with your recovery. Only after you have recovered can you then see Spirit.” The doctor said and levitated his pen in the air. “Do you want to tell me how much you’ve used?”
“I don’t have to tell you anything.” She spat. “You wrongly took my daughter away from me. She needs me! She wants me!”

“Quite the contrary, actually. She’s being sent away with a new couple right now.” The doctor stated rather cheerfully.

“Who?” She said angrily.

“I am afraid that that information cannot be divulged.”

She began to foam at the mouth a little. Her eyes burned a bright white and her mane began to ripple.

“I would not try that, Twilight Sparkle.” The doctor advised but Twilight ignored him as her body began to glow and she lifted into the air. Her mane rippled with magical energy and her cutie mark began to pulse with a white glow. Her eyes blazed and her magenta aura began to creep up around the dispersion ring. Suddenly, there was a loud popping sound and Twilight fell onto the floor, her horn sizzling.
“And that is what the dispersion ring is for.” The doctor stated. “Princess Celestia made this one especially for you.”

“I want to see my daughter!” Twilight screamed as she began to throw a tantrum like a child. The doctor just looked down pitifully at her. “I demand to have her back!”

“It cannot be done, Twilight. You have broken the law.” Twilight looked up to see Princess Celestia standing before her in the small cell, making it cramped with the three ponies. She looked down at Twilight sternly. “You must be punished. Your daughter is going to a nice home that won’t neglect her as much as you did. She deserves better. I don’t quite understand why you would want her back so badly. You didn’t even care about her.”

“I…I…” Twilight stammered before slumping onto the floor. “Repono Spatium.”

“What?”

Repono Spatium.” Twilight repeated, much louder this time, a grin creeping upon her face.

“Oh, no,” Princess Celestia whispered, glancing at the doctor who looked utterly confused. She whispered something in his ear, he nodded then left. Princess Celestia stared at her former student, taking a slow step closer to her. Twilight only grinned at her.

“Please tell me that you didn’t, Twilight.” Princess Celestia begged. “Please.”

“That’s right. Now you must let me see my daughter,” Twilight said.

Princess Celestia was silent.

“She is my daughter after all. And if you want to fix me, Celestia, then you must bring her to me. You know this. Only I can fix myself now.”

“You couldn’t have put all of it—”

“I did. Every. Last. Drop.” Twilight dragged out her words, her grin, now sinister, seemed too large for her face. Her eyes widened to impossible lengths and for a second they were black with white pupils as Celestia stared down at her crazed student. Twilight twitched and almost everything went back to normal, as though Celestia had only imagined it. Almost. The sinister grin was still plastered on her face as she grinned up at her former mentor.

“Twilight…”

“It’s the only way. You of all ponies should know how this works. Considering Luna and all.”

“Don’t you dare mention Luna,” Celestia growled, her stern mask wearing off, replaced by a face of anger. “This is far more different and dangerous than what happened to her. Why would you do this to yourself, Twilight?”

“It was necessary and only temporary at first. A precaution.” Twilight shrugged. “But soon the magic I had learned was too… special to let go of. So I kept things that way.”

“Too addicting, you mean… How long, Twilight?”

“Ten years.” She replied. Celestia gave only the faintest of gasps, but Twilight heard and smiled at her. “It’s not too late however. Just look at Luna.”

“Don’t you mention-”

“Of course, you would have to bring Spirit back soon. That’s if you would like to fix me in the next week and allow me to keep my sanity. And the more we stand here talking, the more it slips away. There goes your precious… student.” Twilight said evilly, her eyes turning again to black with white specks for pupils on the last word. Celestia stepped back. “What’s the matter, Celestia? Corruption never was pretty, was it? Now hand over Spirit and we can fix this.”

“I’m sorry Twilight. But I cannot bring Spirit here.” Celestia said, shaking her head slowly as if this was hard for her to say. “I’ll…I’ll find some other way. But I can’t put her in danger. I don’t know if you will fix yourself or corrupt her.”

“NO!” Twilight screamed in a high pitched, other worldly voice. A dark red liquid dripped from her mouth but she quickly licked it up with a swipe of her seemingly too long tongue. “I must have SPIRIT BLAZE!”

Twilight’s eyes suddenly closed as she collapsed onto the floor. A dim yellow light quickly faded from her body as well as from Celestia’s horn. Celestia knelt beside her former student.

“I’ll fix you, Twilight. I promise.” She whispered as she nuzzled Twilight before standing to leave. The doctor suddenly returned holding a pill bottle in his magical grasp.

“I have the medicine that you requested... what happened in here?” He asked as he glanced from Twilight’s slumped form to Celestia.
“Twilight Sparkle requested that I help her sleep. In the meantime, we will have to completely change her medicines and dosage. Her magical corruption is far more complicated than I expected.”

“Yes Your Highness!” The doctor bowed before trotting out. Celestia followed him. “So what sort of treatment…”

********************

I suddenly felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see my new father giving me a concerned expression. I stared back.

“What?” I asked.

“You seemed a little lost in thought.” He said. I looked back outside at the rolling landscapes that passed by. The train to Ponyville was moving fast, much faster than the rate it was going at when I rode on it with Twilight to Canterlot.

“I was just thinking about Smokey and Twilight.” I replied as I watched a bird fly by. “Princess Celestia said that Twilight’s mental state was messed up. I wonder why that is and how Smokey or I wasn’t affected by it. Like how did the dark magic Twilight was using not affect me?”

“Ah don’t know.” Braeburn said after a moment. “Maybe she was corrupted after you were born?”

“I guess so.” I replied and turned to him. He smiled at me.

“Ah don’t know a lot about magic,” my new dad began. “But ah do know that you obviously weren’t affected. So you’ve got nothin’ to worry about, darlin’.”

“I hope you’re right,” I said and turned back to watch Canterlot Castle disappear behind the mountain as I rode the train with my new parents towards Ponyville.

Author's Note:

There are a lot of mysteries in this last chapter. I specifically wrote it out like that with plans to make a sequel to this eventually. If the sequel never comes then I will be sure to explain many things in a blog post. But I plan on making a sequel. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this story! :twilightsmile:

Here's a song to end things off.

Comments ( 28 )

Loved it!!!! :pinkiehappy:

This story was a great read and can't wait for the sequel. I really want to know what Repono Spatium means and when I look it up, it means storage space but I don't think that what it really means in this story:pinkiecrazy:

“Repono Spatium.”

:rainbowderp:

Oh dear. If I interpreted this phrase correctly, then something horrible will befall Spirit and Twilight if Twilight doesn't get her way...

7288596 It means storage space.
It can mean whatever you want. There's going to be a sequel you know with explanations galore!

7288657 Can't wait for it.

Can't wait:pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::twilightsheepish::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::raritystarry:

7288657

Storage for dark magic perhaps?

Repono Spatium, could this have been the spell used on Smokey? Storage for other's souls as well?

7291609 Interesting theory.

7292829
In all honesty, there's a lot more I have put together involving this. But only after putting more thought into it and posting the comment.

7296015 Theories are magic.

most defiantly a different kind of story and it is funny as I can see Twilight doing this to find new magic.

7319512 Sure, horses can eat meat in real life. But in Equestria? Have you ever seen them eat meat there? No? Well, that's what I thought. Since it's never been seen on the show, it does not have to be incorporated into this story the right way. Plus Flutter's has like, a ton of animals. You'd think it's some kind of butcher shop over there.

Hm.

Hmm. Yeah. That didn't come off as Twilight at all. I guess if we'd had more hint of why she re-failed Lesson Zero so catastrophically as to break her one obsession coequal with books-- Celestia's approval and philosophy-- it might have made more sense, but as it is, this is too much media, and not enough res-- like reading the second or even third book of a long series. Twilight's actions don't make much sense unless she's fighting a lot harder against the merge than she appears to be-- which isn't... yeah, that doesn't fit. Celestia's also clumsy as frick, and heavy handed; the text can't seem to make up its mind whether or not Spirit Blaze is a forlorn and reticent kid or a forceful personality-- though I'll admit that could just be her coming out of the shell.

You have some decent description, and the story is disciplined-- almost too disciplined. Quite aside from needing more time to see the changes in characters, the individual scenes are so stripped-down as to lose a lot of emotional impact. I lose some of my empathy for the characters I know because they don't actually seem to be those characters, and then there's not a lot of heft to say "Okay, this is why I should continue to care." It's only really Blaze's age and the fact that she's suffered at least neglect that seems to draw any emotional impact. That's blunted every time one of the non-OC cast is named because I'm emotionally going, "Wait, wha?" in regards to their actions and presence. There's minimalist, and then there's stripped to the bones, and it feels more like the former to me.

I think that the concept itself is intriguing, but it's something that I'd think would make more sense with at least a series of vignettes, even vague ones, leading into why Twilight went down this particular obsession-- especially if she uses those notions as arguments with Celestia. Then we need to see more of why Dash is frightened, and why she didn't try to get help for her friends. And why Celestia is coming down with the subtlety of a Yakyakistani diplomat. Without those questions answered, I feel pulled out of what could be an intriguing situation.

7319555 Ah. Thanks for the advice! But hey, this story better than stories I've done in the past. This is improvement but I can do better! Nobody's given me solid advice here so thank you so much!

7320153 I know how it feels to throw up a beloved baby and get nyetski for improvement recommendations beyond "do a different story" so I hope I haven't gone that way with you here. :)

7362477 Kitsune like the mythical fox with nine tails and magical powers.

I can't read this, it's pissing me off too much. Not only is Twilight massively OOC, but she would never agree to anything she's done in this farce of a slash fic. This piece of trash belongs on the bottom of the barrel.

7381398 Welp. Your opinion. You didn't like so ok then. Thanks for the feedback.

are you making a sequal to this cause I would like to see Twilight get cured.

7288559 that is what it is, storing the dark corruption the she had built up in ten years then she released it to try to get her daughter back at any cost.

7432134 I was planning to.

Well, this has been a fascinating and chilling read. Twilight is terrifying, and the OOC behavior only ramps that up a thousandfold, since as scary as she is, whatever drove her to this madness must be scarier. You also did a good job revealing her insanity gradually, so I was willing to accept at the end, having learned what Celestia has, that Twilight wouldn't be in the best mental condition. Looking forward to the sequel!

My wish list?

1. More about Kitsune/Equestria relations
2. Lots and lots of Braeburn (squee!)
3. Some dark and troubled story of how Twilight got to be like this
4. Luna's thoughts on Twilight's darkness
5. More character development for Smokey. Still not sure if he was supposed to be a good guy who was victimized by Twilight or a bad guy who's just not as bad as Twilight.
5. More character for Spirit Blaze...

...because maybe it's because I was reading too fast, or because I was paying more attention to how cool Celestia was, but Spirit felt more like a catalyst to drive the story than a character.

Also: are you sure you want the part where the kitsune talks about eating beef? Because... cows are sentient in Equestria, so I thought this was your way of telling us that the kitsune was incurably and unapologetically sick and twisted. So it was hard for me to realize that I was supposed to like/sympathize with Smokey.

I mean, I can understand if your reality rejects the notion that cows are sentient (I never liked that canon either), but if you don't tell me that either then and there or earlier in the story, I'm going to assume the kitsune is committing something like cannibalism.

...Actually, having read the scene a couple dozen times, maybe that was actually Twilight talking, not the kitsune. I can't really tell. Either way, it's more horrifying than the characters seem to realize.

...I feel like I'm missing something here. Otherwise, why am I the only reviewer to comment on this? Hooves crossed I'm not embarrassing myself...

7450456 I'll probably tell everyone else who says the same but there's a reason this is tagged Alternate Universe. It's not in the same universe as the show so the characters will be a bit OOC and things won't seem like they are in the show. But I see your suggestions and I like them.

7450506 ...If that was a reply to why Twilight is acting OOC, I was trying to say that I thought your characterization was cool, too.

If that was an explanation why eating beef is okay, then, like I said, I get that cows can be non-sentient in this universe. But the only indicator I had to that effect was that Celestia was underreacting, and since it was only the second chapter and I didn't know you very well, I thought it was due to subpar writing skills- which isn't the case; your writing is actually very good. I'd feel more comfortable if you somehow spelled out clearly that cows are dumb animals in your world, or changed it to something else like pork. Otherwise it leaves me believing that Smokey is borderline sadistic or genocidal, and I'm pretty sure that's not what you were going for...

Sorry if this sounds mean; I really did like the story, it's just that one line...

7450549 I didn't notice the cow thing until you mentioned it. Cow aren't sentient here then.

When you're using dialogue, sometimes you switch from using a comma to a period and vise versa. Ex:

“That’s right. Now you must let me see my daughter,” Twilight said.

“I’ll fix you, Twilight. I promise.” She whispered as she nuzzled Twilight before standing to leave.

Also, I am not really intrigued. :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment