- Member Since 9th Nov, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 21st, 2022
Mr Dorito
Anime is Japan's revenge for Hiroshima
Mr Dorito
Joined 9th Nov, 2014 ·
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I will be watching.
6455937 Leonard Church watches all.
*gazes with a multitude of eyes from a inky shifting form from it's place in the void, with a surprising among of popcorn.*
Our suggestion would be more depth with thy number of words used, paint upon the mind and sight a image which moves to further please the mortals whom read the fan fiction which be true somewhere in the multiverse! *the sight of steepled inky appendages would scream of 'excellent' in a eerie tone.*
Yea yes finally i found it a human and you/ermac crossover. Yes yes
Yeah, sorry mate, gonna pass on this one. You wrote things way too fast, there's no real descriptions of what's going on or anything, and jumping straight from "passive" to "murder" with the humans is really right out of left field. Add in that your paragraphs are way too short 99% of the time which makes it seem even more rushed and I just can't stand behind this fic.
If you wanna make it better, go back over this and change things. Slow down the pace several gears, but not too much. Actually describe what's going on, who's who and what's what. There are humans here, where they always here? What's their place in this world? Slaves? Friends? Equals? Pets? Make your paragraphs longer and have more relevant details in them as well. For now, this fic is not good, but if you can fix it up with the suggestions I've made I might give it another try.
more plz
6456040
Don't know if that was on purpose, but I see what you did there.
6456125 Perhaps tis intended, though thou hast not typed the minimum of 1,500 words. As one phrase would be stated, 'write something too short and thou only can expect a bag of rabid fiends to gnaw the flesh from thy rear quarters without mercy'. Also a bit of build up would be grand, what thou shown us was a flashed image then revealed a ending without suspense or substance to fill the belly within the mind. Leaving a bad after 'taste'.
6456316 Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 were suppose to be one chapter, but I changed my mind. I also noticed, somebody must really hate my story to dislike it and dislike every comment, and I think I know who it is. If not, then it's probably some troll or somebody who really hates my works.
Nice story!
Horus of the terrain empire... that wouldn't be in reference to a certain primarch, would it?
Nice story let see where this goes.
Purge the foul xenos in the name of humanity!!!!
images.dakkadakka.com/gallery/2012/4/18/355071_sm-.jpg
Comrade please continue this
In the words of Thor for the next chapter.....
t.qkme.me/3r8cwc.jpg
ERMAC! THE GREEN NINJA!
Round one... FIGHT!
where the tactics of war? this sound like a dbz beat down were he has to solve the long term problems later.
ERMAC WINS!!! FATALITY!!
6468097 He hasn't come up with one yet. For now, he's freeing humans, attacking ponies, and analyzing their strength and weaknesses.
6468259 so will he brain storm with the ghost soon? or they spy for him?
6468503 You'll see.
Hell yea charge my brudas we will fight till we win aaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!
Omg! Ermac in Equestria eh? Fascinating!
That image you just wrote? I can simply imagine it with an: Ermac Wins. Fatality.
Coming from the one who is holding a human slave/pet herself?
The last part seems to be a bit...short? I mean, it could use more descriptions, because it feels quite undetailed, maybe even rushed.
6481986 Things will be explained, hopefully all in the next chapter. Lots of action and new faces. I will work on the next one this weekend. Busy with school.
Whos tremor again
6492817 He's one of the DLC characters. The one who wears a hood and can control rocks, magma, and crystals. He's one of my favorite characters. Actually, all of these guys are my favorite characters.
6492823 uhhhhhhhhhhh ok i havent seen him yet i have to play mortal combat offline because of an update and bad internet that will make the update so long it will take months
6492839 You don't have to. Just look up videos of him. I'd look up videos from Youtubers Cartoonz and H20 Delirious. They've played as Tremor multiple times. He's pretty badass.
6492850 ok
changelings are my guess
Awesome chapter! Hopefully once I make my Hero Displaced along with ANOTHER Villain Displaced I have in mind, I'll pm you for a crossover. Sound good?
6495117 Sound good to me. Take note, Ermac doesn't care if you're evil from the ponies' pov or not. All he cares is if the Displaced's actions are justified.
6495322 Sounds awesome.
6495322 ahh a fellow doctor, it is good to met you. I have to congraduate you on a fine syory.
6495885 Thank you my fellow doctor.
6496138 Is this one of those Cosplay fics? Where someone becomes the fictional character?
seems a bit fast paced.
6591629 Yeah I know, I tend to do that to parts I feel like are boring. Plus, I have very limited time because of school and as you can see, I haven't updated for a while.
MORE XENO FILTH SHALL STAIN THE GROUND! YES!
YES SLAVER SCUM THE EMPERORS CHOSEN SHALL SPILL YOU'RE BLOOD!
6692523 kill the rebellious ponies! For terra!
And we have our generals.
It has began. Plays terminator theme.
This is awesome
7080148 Thanks, I'm trying to find time to update my other stories, but since Sins of the Equestrian Empire is the most popular, my first priority, and I have school, I don't have that much time.