Forgive, but not Forget

by Fret

Heal Me

“Sister? Are you in there…?”

A few moments of silence passed by of Luna biting her lip, pretty hard at that. Her hooves shifted uncomfortably as she awaited an answer.

“You know what, Twilight maybe she’s not there-” Her head turned to her side, only to see a blank space where the alicorn had been standing. Her eyes darted around in a confused manner, before she heard the creak of the door in front of her. She swung her head to face it, seeing her sister standing there with a confused expression.

“Luna? Did you knock for me?”

Luna opened her mouth to reply, only for it to clamp shut again. Instead, she just nodded her head slowly.

“Oh, do you need something? It’ll have to be quick - I’m reading some of the everyday complaints, as always.” She smiled and rolled her eyes. Luna guessed that she had expected her to laugh along with her, but instead it just made her frown grip onto her face even tighter.

“Oh, you’re busy,” she said flatly. “That’s fine, I’ll just come back later…” Her hooves began to carry her away from the room swiftly, only to be stopped.

“Wait! Luna, what was it that you needed?” Celestia called after her. Luna stopped in her tracks, though she kept a hoof raised so that she would be able to escape quicker.

“It’s fine, you seem to be having fun, so don’t mind me…” She attempted to make another step forward.

“Well… not really, no. Laws were never the most interesting topic.” Luna looked back at her sibling, expecting to see a smile to match her sister’s tone. But she didn’t. Celestia stared at her with confuzzlement, forcing Luna to turn her body around.

“So… you’re not actually busy?” she asked, tilting her head. Celestia shook hers, before giving her a slight smile.

“What is it you wanted to talk about?”

Luna didn’t say anything, rather just stared at the door, then at her, until she suddenly dashed forward, dragging Celestia into her room with her and slamming the door behind them with her teknises.

Celestia was lost to what was going on. “Luna… what is going on?”

She still didn’t speak, instead just paced around in a very small circle as she searched for some way to begin. Gradually, she slowed herself, until her quick pacing turned into regular walking, then sauntering, until she stopped. She raised her head and looked straight at her sister, inhaling deeply as she prepared herself to say the first word.

What came out was a loud sob.

“Luna?” Celestia gasped as her sister bit back her cries and tried to blink the tears away. She rushed to her side, lending her a wing. “Luna, what’s wrong?”

The smaller mare opened her eyes, wiping away her tears with her hoof, not noticing the black smudge that had appeared on her face.

“Luna… little sister,” Celestia murmured, keeping her sibling embraced under her wing. “Whatever it is you need to tell me…” she glanced over to the rug next to the fireplace. “Tell you what, you catch your breath while I go and make you some hot cocoa. You haven’t had that in a while.”

Black smudges covered a lot of Luna’s face at this point. She managed to force a smile and nod. Celestia gently pushed her towards the rug, to which Luna obliged, stalking towards the carpet and dropping onto it, attempting to wipe the black markings off of her hoof. Celestia couldn’t help but giggle a little as she lit the fire with her magic.

“Do you need anything for your makeup?” she asked.

Luna sniffed, before responding, “That would be rather useful.”

---

Celestia returned, levitating a tray with her magic. She closed the door once she was in her room, then trotted over to where Luna had settled, whose mascara was almost gone off of her dark blue fur.

The older mare placed the tray in front of Luna, so that she could take a peek what exactly she had brought. There, before her, was a mug of hot cocoa, a plate of biscuits and another drink, in which she could guess was Celestia’s. Her focus on the tray had distracted her from what her sister was currently doing, thus was surprised when a blanket landed on her.

“What is with the customer service, sister?” Luna commented, lifting her mug with her magic and taking a sip.

Celestia sat down opposite her, cuddling with a plush pillow while levitating the used makeup wipes away from Luna and into the trash. “You looked like you needed it,” she replied. “So… now that we’re both comfortable…” She took a biscuit from the plate to take a bite of it. “Do you think you’re able to tell me what’s going on?”

Luna pouted and lay her head on her crossed hooves. The older mare patiently awaited for her sister to answer.

“...Twilight Sparkle payed me a visit today,” the dark mare finally began. Celestia blinked as she sipped her own drink. She quickly swallowed the hot liquid before speaking.

“She did? I didn’t see her…”

“She left just as you opened the door for me,” she told her.

“Oh.” Celestia put down her mug and stared at her sister. “What was she here for then?”

Luna fiddled with the corner of her blanket, pondering on how she should answer.

“Well… you see… something happened lately…” She gritted her teeth, refusing to catch her sister’s magenta eyes, even from the corner of her vision. Even so, she could feel her pair of eyes glued to her.

“Hm? What happened?” she prompted her to go on when she faded into silence. “I haven’t heard of anything going on in Equestria recently…”

Luna let out a reluctant sigh. “That’s because what happened didn’t happen in Equestria,” she stated. A quick glance at her sister was enough to glue the image of her curious expression in her mind.

“...I’m listening.”

She took a deep breath and shut her eyes tightly as she turned her head back to her sister. Both her eyes and her mouth opened at the same time.

“I created something for my dreams… and it escaped,” Luna rasped, amazed that she could admit even the vague version of the story. “Twilight and her friends ended up seeing it in their dreams, then eventually all of Ponyville. Eventually we got rid of it, however.”

Celestia gave a deadpanned expression as she listened intently, her ears perked. When Luna lost her words, she had to find them for her.

“What was this ‘something’?” she asked while sipping her cocoa. “Why did it need to be stopped?”

Luna arched a brow. “It was dangerous.” That was an understatement… but it’s not as if anything else needed to be said.

“How so?” Celestia tilted her head.

Or maybe more did need to be said, unfortunately. “...It was going to escape into the real world,” Luna proceeded to explain. “If it succeeded in doing so, it would’ve been disastrous for Equestria.”

“But what would it do to-”

“That doesn’t matter,” she interrupted. “Because it was defeated. It’s gone. It’s not coming back.”

Celestia gave a confused pout as she observed her sister.

“You say you created this being?”

Luna began to feel a pain in her throat returning, however she managed to swallow it soon after so that it wouldn’t distract her from the current situation.

“Yes,” she replied. “I… I did.”

“Then… why was it dangerous?” her sister pressed on. “Or… you know what, ignore that question, what even was this thing?”

“I… it’s- it was called the Tantabus,” Luna said shamefully. “It’s dangerous because I made it that way.”

“But… I don’t understand why you would-”

“It’s dangerous because I made it that way,” she repeated with a harsh tone. “However I did not mean for it to escape my dream - I had no idea it could do such a thing - so please do not think I meant for any harm to come to Equestria.” She lowered her head. “That’s just what I was trying to prevent.”

Celestia gazed at her, her face unreadable. Luna didn’t bother to guess what she was thinking, mostly because she preferred not to.

“You created this… Tantabus… with the intent of making it dangerous, and wanted it to stay in your own dreams,” The confused mare slowly put the puzzle pieces together. “What exactly did it do while it was still in your dreams…?”

“Well… you see…” Luna quickly grabbed a biscuit from the tray and bit into it, hoping to buy at least a few seconds of time. She had at least expected those few seconds to last a while longer, but they didn’t. Soon enough, every crumb was gone.

Get this over with so you can get over it, she thought to herself.

“It gave me the same nightmare every time I slept!” she blurted out, quite loudly at that. Right after she said the last word, she slapped both of her front hooves over her mouth, her eyes widening while pupils shrinking.

Celestia stared at her blankly for a few moments; she wasn’t sure just how long exactly. Then, after waiting for a response anxiously, she answered with,

“...What.”

“The Tantabus made me dream up the events of Nightmare Moon every slumber,” she added in a voice that was almost a whisper.

“...What.”

Luna winced, now pressing her head against her hooves and biting down on her bottom lip until it began to hurt. “I know… it was foalish… so if you’d like, you may be angry at me.”

She lay there, her eyes once again shut, awaiting for the yelling and cursing and blaming to echo in both the castle and in her mind. If that wasn’t what was to come, she would wait for the loud slam of the door to hit her in the chest. If that was not to be, then she could only expect to hear the sound of tears dripping onto the carpet they had settled on, and for those drops to soon be coming from her own tear ducts.

For now, however, there was just a strange silence, which was something Luna had not seen coming. No matter… maybe she had just rendered her sister speechless.

Then suddenly, she was swept off of the ground by something soft, which led to her blanket slipping off of her, yet no warmth seemed to be lost. She opened her eyes, black being replaced with white. She struggled to stretch her head backwards so that she could get a better view of what was going on right now, because quite frankly, she hadn’t a clue.

Luna blew her nightly mane away from the side of her face that it usually covered, allowing her to see more clearly. On her shoulder, Celestia leaned her head. Around her barrel, her hooves wrapped possessively. From her eyes…

“Oh… oh, sister, please do not weep because of…” Luna paused to swallow again. “Because of me…”

Celestia, at first, didn’t respond. She wasn’t even letting out any cries. She simply sat there, hugging her tightly and refused to let her free. Then she blinked open her eye and glared right at Luna.

“Luna… what did Twilight come to talk about?” Her voice shook as she said that, yet it still had a sense of security somehow.

“She… she came to see if I was okay…”

“And were you?”

Luna stared at her, wondering just how she should answer. Was she? Was she okay? Is she okay?

Such a ridiculous question.

“No…” she whimpered, before laying her head on her sister’s chest, this time allowing herself to choke on her own throat pain, which triggered hushed sobs to spill out.

“Oh, Luna…” Celestia cooed to her, cradling her little sister as she soaked her chest fur.

“I’m sorry…” Luna rasped, “I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt, I just-”

“Sshhh… I know,” she murmured, “you would never want any harm to come to anyone…”

“But…” Luna suddenly jerked away from her sister’s warmth. “But I did! I was a danger to Equestria… I still am!” she cried, now in frustration. “I gave myself those nightmares as a constant reminder - as what I thought would be merely a bright candle that only hurt when I had to touch it - but it wasn’t! I was playing with fire and I didn’t even realize!”

“Luna!”

She then stopped any more words from escaping her mouth so that she could listen to what was about to be said.

“Luna, I don’t care!” Celestia exclaimed, tears having pretty much flooded her eyes at this point. “I don’t care what you did! I just care about why you did it!”

The two sisters glared at each other, both of their gazes locked, neither of them blinking or breaking away from the other.

“Why did you do it?” she breathed.

“Because… I... “ Luna tried to remember the words shared between her and Twilight. “I… I felt guilty.” She hadn’t noticed how tense she had become in her sister’s embrace, and so relaxed herself. “I caused more pain than I would’ve liked - that being no pain at all. I deserved to face some form of consequence.”

Celestia continued to give her that pitiful look. “Luna… was a thousand years on the moon not a harsh enough consequence?” Then she managed to pick up a smile on one side. “And, if I’m honest, you didn’t cause that much pain to Equestria when you were Nightmare Moon… no offence to your past villain self.”

Yet, Luna couldn’t find the will to even giggle at her attempted joke.

“That maybe so, but the same doesn’t go to…” she exhaled. “To you.”

Any evidence of happiness disappeared from Celestia’s face. She sulked, and looked as if she were about to speak, but Luna beat her to it.

“I caused you more pain than you ever deserved, sister. Meaning, even if I only hurt you a little, that is far too much. And yet, what I did went far beyond just ‘a little’. Dear sister…” she then cupped the sides of her sister’s face. “I should have been the one in your place…”

Celestia then gripped her hooves and moved them away from her. “No. You didn’t. You don’t.” She gently touched her forehead with her muzzle. “I don’t care what kind of malicious things you do, because I know you. You’re my little sister.” Her wings wrapped around the smaller alicorn. “I know your intentions as much… maybe more than you do.”

Luna didn’t move toward or away from her sister, instead just let her hold her.

“I tried to stop the Tantabus before anything could happen…” she murmured, only to be hushed.

“I know…”

“It could’ve turned Equestria into a-”

A white hoof on her mouth stopped her for going on.

“Luna, please, stop resenting what you did in the past.” Celestia told her. “You can’t change it.”

“Unfortunately,” Luna muttered.

“Maybe not so.” Her chin was lifted by a wing. “Look at the positives, little sister. You may have broken yourself in this chain of events… but look what you’re doing now.”

Luna scrunched her muzzle and glanced around.

“I’m being cuddled like a little filly,” she stated. Celestia couldn’t help but giggle a little.

“True, but on a serious note… Luna, you came to me.” She smiled, her eyes shining. “After so many years… you finally came to talk to me.”

Luna stared up at her. “I… I guess, but what does that have to do with anything?”

“It seems you’ve started to share your problems rather than bottle them up.”

The smaller mare’s gaze moved the the floor as she attempted to hide the creeping smile on her face.

“That doesn’t mean I’ll…” Then she stopped herself. Look at the positives. “I suppose it’s a start…” she couldn’t help but chuckle. Celestia did the same, before kneeling in front of her.

“With that said, Luna, are you willing to allow me to get you the help you need?”

Luna gazed into those warm, magenta eyes. All the anger she had expected to see in them was non-existent. This was the one pony she could truly trust. The only pony who would never turn away from her, even if she did just that to her. She wasn’t about to throw away a chance while it was easy to get.

“Yes, Celie.” For the first time today, a grin managed to break through her somber stare. “I am willing to cooperate.” Then she smirked. “Also, I think Nightmare Moon would take offence to that comment you made earlier.”

“Who cares? She’s not here with us anymore.” Celestia’s smile grew, as did Luna’s. The dark mare’s eyes had begun to fill up with water yet again, but this time, it wasn’t out of regret nor remorse. These tears were born from her newfound freedom.

“True… I feel more sure of it,” she agreed.

Author's Note:

People were asking for the talk between Luna and Celestia. So here.

Not going to lie... I got stuck on this one a lot more often than the first one. Welp, as long as it's done.

So yes, Celestia's now in charge of making sure Luna doesn't put Equestria in serious danger. I shouldn't have to be writing about such things, but I am.

Can you tell I have a lot of pent up rage towards this episode. If not, then dang I must be soooo subtle (which I'm not).

Luna apparently wears a lot of makeup, whether she's going outdoors or not. And for those wondering why it didn't smudge in the last chapter... erm... just say it did, it was just under her fur. She's fluffy. That's it. She's just got a lot of fluff.

Comments

[Feo Takahari]

6520062

At first, when the episode came to its (in my humble opinion) too-easy end, I said to myself 'Well, it's a show for kids, they can't really talk about people dealing with their self-hate by hurting themselves. The reality of that situation is too emotional. It has to have an easy answer, or it becomes too heavy of subject matter.'

I realize I'm three weeks late here, but it might be worth comparing Steven Universe. One character had an episode where her crippling self-esteem problems came to a head and hurt someone else. Then there was an episode about the victim struggling to forgive her, episodes touching on how her actions affected the others in the group, an episode where she came to a reconciliation and opened up about her issues, and later an episode that showed how she'd developed a support network and could handle her problems more effectively. To be fair, SU is for a slightly older audience, but it still shows that you can handle that stuff in depth while remaining child-friendly.

As for the story itself . . . I can tell how hard it was to write, especially the second chapter. This is not a "polished" story, and in some respects, that's perfect for how awkward the characters feel as they struggle to find the right words. I felt like I was watching someone open up an abscessed wound and carefully clean it out so it could heal. Thumbs up, but I'm not going to request any more of this--it was hard enough just to read two chapters.

[Fret]

6594061 I'll have to watch this episode of SU... First I need to start watching the actual show, which has been on my 'to do' list for a while now.

Indeed, this thing was hard to write, but I'll say that the awkwardness of the characters was done on purpose. In real life, this issue would be hard to put into words or to even get off your chest.
Don't worry, I'm not writing more. There's nothing more to write, anyway.

[RainythePegasus_Archive]

Aw. I likw this story. I think it's an important story to read for many people that punsish themselves form something they done. It's a great story that says the importance of getting help.

[Zeik188]

"you would never want any harm to some to anyone…”

Eh? Am I reading that wrong?

[Meemie7]

This is really powerful. Thank you so much for writing it. It's pretty similar to something that I am writing, Camp Orion.

[Krysnha]

So awesome and beautiful

[I_am_catkid]

I like this. It truly shows the sisters, powerful and unconquerable rulers, and hurt ponies that they are all at once.

[Moonlit Path]

6595337 I think

to some

wasn't supposed to be in there

[melody5697]

You should read Princess Luna and The Festival of the Winter Moon. Trust me, you'll enjoy it. I don't know how to explain why without spoiling the story. Anyway, I used to have severe depression and I self-harmed to punish myself and I even went much further than Luna and attempted suicide eight times, and to me, Luna's behavior seems off somehow. I can't really explain why, though. I know different people act differently, but I happen to have the same personality type as Luna. Also, look up the definition of rasp. I don't think it means what you think it means.

[Fret]

7044011 Hey, I know this is a beyond late reply, but I was wondering how you would recommend me to write Luna if I were to fix any errors in this story? I feel like your experience would help me write her better

[AnnEldest]

I like this story a lot. Good job!!!

[GhostRider1996]

Fret,

This story almost made me cry. I truly felt Luna’s pain in this story.

You did an awesome job writing this, my friend! Well done!