How Long?
“How long?” Princess Luna, who had been reading the latest addition of the Daring do book collections, jumped as her sister’s voice echoed through the calm which had encased her room. Turning to the doorway, she could tell instantly that her sister was not in her usual good mood. Her brow was furrowed, her breathing was quick and shallow and what looked to be the crumpled remains of a scroll floated in her magical grasp.
“What was that sister?” Celestia walked further into Luna’s room, pausing briefly to strike the sturdy, wooden door behind her. Luna jumped as the wood collided with the door frame, the loud noise reverberating around her room.
“HOW. LONG?” Luna gulped; Celestia hadn’t used the Royal Canterlot Voice in a very long time.
“I-I don’t understand - -“
"How long have been you torturing yourself with nightmares?!” Celestia shouted as she lost control of the emotions she had kept in check for the better part of an hour. Luna’s heart jumped into her throat as she realised that her sister knew the truth. She knew what she had done. Reluctantly placing her book on the desk beside her, she turned to face her sisters’ anger head on. She reached for the scroll still held in Celestia’s vice like grip only for the scroll to disintegrate into flames before her eyes, the ash floated through the air to land in a pile at their feet.
“Answer me Luna.” She reluctantly raised her eyes from the ash pile.
“Who told you?”
“Twilight. She sent me a letter this morning. She was worried that you were somehow harmed following the events of last night, and asked me to ensure you were well. Naturally I had no idea what she was talking about –“
“She had no right to tell you –“Celestia scoffed at her sisters attempts to justify her actions.
“But I had a right to know! Why did you not tell me?!” The two sisters glared at each other; one was desperate for answers, whilst the other was unwilling to provide them. For Luna, this had been one of the reasons why she had not consulted her sister regarding the Tantabus. It pained her greatly to see her sister so emotional, and knowing that she was responsible once again consumed her with guilt. She had been responsible for the escape of the Tantabus the previous night, and, despite her best efforts, was once more the reason behind her sister’s current emotional state. Unaware of the mental turmoil her sibling was experiencing, Celestia pressed on with her questions.
“From what Twilight has told me, you faced a grave threat last night which could have destroyed not only Equestria but yourself! Yet I was left unaware.”
“Tia...”
“No! Why was this kept from me?! Anything could have happened to you and I would have had no idea.”
“You posses no powers over the realm of sleep my sister, you could not have provided me with assistance.”
“But I could have been there with you. I could have watched over you all, or researched this threat, or something! Buck Luna, I could have been there just to cheer you on! You shouldn’t have had to face this alone.” Luna flinched as the weight of Celestia’s words hit her. Her attempts to protect her sister from the unknown had once again caused more harm than good. Another example of how I hurt every pony I love, she thought bitterly.
Celestia exhaled slowly, in an attempt to calm herself. “Please, Lulu. Just tell me what happened.” Celestia moved closer and softly nuzzled her sister. The soft brush of her sister’s fur reawakened Luna’s childlike need for comfort, and she found herself leaning into her big sister.
“It was my burden to bear.” Her whispered response pained Celestia. It hurt to know that her sister was unable to come to her for assistance when she clearly needed it. “It was my fault that the Tantabus –“
“Tantabus? Is that the threat Twilight was referring to?” Celestia ignored the annoyed look Luna sent her at being interrupted. “I have no recollection of it.” Luna bit her lip and pulled away from her sister.
“You wouldn’t. The Tantabus is not a creature from a far away land, nor is it a monster confined to ancient legends. The Tantabus was a creature of my own making.” Luna struggled to get her words out, well aware that once she did it was highly unlikely that things would ever be the same. “I created it to give myself the same nightmare every night, to punish myself for the evil I caused as Nightmare Moon.” She flinched as Celestia stepped back, her eyes watering as the truth Luna had kept hidden for the last five years finally saw the light of day. Her baby sister, the single most important pony in her life, had carried around such a heavy burden for so long, and yet she had been oblivious to it. What kind of sister am I?
“Why?”
“To remind myself of what I had once become.” The Night princess lowered her gaze. There were many terrible things in this world she could face without so much batting an eye, but the look of sorrow on her sister’s face was something she could not bear to gaze upon.
“How long have you subjected yourself to these nightmares?” Celestia prayed with every ounce of her soul that Luna had not endured such torment for a long period of time. Luna drew in a shaky breath before answering.
“Since my return sister.” Celestia released a shuddering sob as her worst fears were realised. Luna had barely a moment to brace herself before she was pulled into a tight embrace, her sisters wings surrounding her as sharp sobs filled the air.
“My dear sister.... Equestria forgave you, I forgave you. Why do you inflict such pain on yourself?”
“Because I could not forgive myself, nor could I forget what I had done. I thought that by reliving every painful moment, it would prevent such a thing from occurring again, but I was wrong. I did not realise how strong the Tantabus had become until it escaped my dreams and invaded the slumbers of other ponies. My attempts to recapture it and absorb its power back into my dreamscape failed. My creation, the very thing meant to prevent me from harming others, had brought Equestria to the brink of destruction.” Luna’s voice trailed off as tears began to slip down her cheeks. The weight of what could have been became too much for her to bear, and she released a heartbroken whimper as she sank to her knees in despair.
“Shhhh Luna. It’s alright.” Celestia whispered as she joined Luna on the floor. “Equestria is unharmed, your friends are safe, and I promise, I will always be here to help ease your burden. You are not alone my beloved sister.” The two sisters cried together for several minutes longer, each grateful for the love of the other. However the silence was eventually broken by Celestia muttering something too quietly for Luna to hear properly.
“What was that Tia?”
The elder sister sighed deeply. She had no right to feel angry with Luna; after all she had been shouldering a tremendous amount of pain for far too long. Yet she could not deny the small part of her that was furious with her sister for not confessing her feelings. “Why did you not tell me Luna? Where you afraid I would see you as weak? Or has my past actions made it impossible for you to trust me?” Luna recoiled in horror at her sisters words.
“No! Please sister, do not blame yourself.” Luna forced her forehead under Celestia’s chin, nuzzling the soft, downy fur lovingly as Celestia struggled to swallow the lump in her throat. “You have given me so much sister. You gave me hope when there was none to be found, helped me settle into a world I did not belong, forgave me when it was not deserved. I could not bear to lose everything you had given me a second time and I had hoped that my nightly suffering would help me come to terms with what I had done, but as months turned into years, my guilt only grew stronger and I – I...”
“Luna?”
“I was ashamed. I could see that ponies were accepting me, but I could not accept myself. The more ponies began to show love and compassion, the more I began to hate myself for how easily I had forsaken my little ponies in the past. With each passing night, the Tantabus fed on those feelings, until my nightmares became a cruel manifestation of my self-loathing. Night after night I would be confronted with my darkest fears, forced to experience the worst pain imaginable, and yet I - I did nothing to stop them.”
Celestia had given up trying to wipe away the tears. How could she have been so foolish to believe that whatever feelings her sister had regarding Nightmare Moon had been resolved? How could she be a compassionate ruler to her ponies when she had allowed her sister to suffer so deeply?
“Darling Luna why have you never told me this?”
“How could I have told you Celestia? How could I have explained to you that your beloved sister had become more damaged than she had been when she first returned? That her brief lapse into Nightmare Moon had left her so unimaginably broken –“
“Stop! Please!” Celestia gripped her sisters’ shoulders in her hooves, fighting against the urge to shake some sense into her. “You are neither damaged nor broken Luna. You are my sister. My co-ruler, the Princess of the Night, my sole confident and so, so much more. I love you so much Luna and I will tell you that every day for the rest of eternity if it will help you face the past. Just please, please forgive yourself. Your past mistakes do not define you Luna, and if I find out that you kept how you truly felt from me again, Faust help me I will lock you in this room and force you to read through every boring piece of legislation I can find.. ”
A sharp laugh burst out of Luna’s mouth at the thought of such a thing. Her laughter was quickly joined by Celestia’s relieved giggles, but eventually their laughter died away, leaving the two rulers to simply smile at each other. Celestia wrapped her alabaster wing around her sisters back.
“You feeling any better Lulu?” Luna thought about that question. Her feelings of guilt were still there, and she doubted they would disappear overnight. Yet in spite of that, she found herself smiling up at her big sister.
“Yeah, I’m ok Tia.”
She knew it would take a while for her to completely forgive herself, both for her past and present actions but she knew that with her sisters’ help, that day would come a lot sooner than she ever dared hope.
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Beautiful...absolutely beautiful
Damnit, somebody beat me to it
Kewl.
The interplay here was nice. I think this idea would really benefit from a more 3rd person objective telling style, especially seeing that it's a one-shot. I thought the dialogue was the strongest part of this story, but I also think it could be stronger to... elicit more emotions.
In any case, I liked it.
Nicely done.
I too wondered about Celestia's reaction towards Luna's self-punishment. This was very well-done.
6198845 However, you mixed up "where" and "were."
I believe it is Tantibus, Latin for Nightmare.
I'm glad you did!
One on hand, I'm a little bummed that someone beat me to it.
On the other, I'm glad that someone actually wrote it!
After seeing the episode, I wondered what Celestia would think, finding out that her little sister had been punishing herself, and how she would react. I think you did a great job with their interaction.
Well done.
Darling? That doesn't sound like Celestia.
This was amazing. I just loved this story and I did not even consider that. But it is true. What would Celestia think, if she found out, what had happen?
6199776 Thank you so much!
6199053 Thank you so much!! Noo don't be bummed, I wrote this in the hopes that other people would see the potential for some serious sisterly bonding! That episode definatly warrants a lot of fanfic!
6199036 Ha! Me too! Scariest thing ever hitting that publish button! Thanks so much
6198849 Thanks so much, I knew I would make a spelling mistake! thanks for pointing it out haha!
6198576 Thanks so much!
6198488 Thanks so much, I definately think I will experiment with third person more!
6198251 Omg! Thank you so much!!
6198350 Ha! I'm so sorry! This episode definately deserves a mountain of fanfiction exploring Luna and Celestia though!
6199802 It is a very effect telling of the story.
Well, the idea certainly is one worth exploring. And for the most part, it is a very touching tale regarding Celestia's reaction. However, there are a few things holding it back.
If Luna created the Tantabus merely as a reminder to keep herself from walking the path of darkness as this story implies, that would've been fine. But that wasn't the Tantabus's purpose. It was supposed to punish Luna so that she would never forgive herself for all the pain she caused. That is what should've been addressed in this story, and I don't feel like it was.
More importantly, the formatting is quite sloppy. It would certainly behoove you to look into an editor who can clean up things like backwards quotation marks.
Overall, not a bad take on things, but it could certainly use a bit of polish.
Yeah if one of my siblings had done something as bat shit insane as touring themselves every night I would be very very angry with them. I don't think i could be able to stop shouting at them for some time.....
*checks watch*
Yep.
About two days. Figured as much,
Good job pony fandom in general, pitter_patter in particular: you do disappoint.
So, that's at least three fics in under two days dealing with the most obvious tantalising fanfic fodder from the episodes (Luna,'s self-loathing, Magical Filly Lyrical Big Mac and Filthy Rich).
I was not so much hoping, but expecting as much, and hoping for a full-flegded flood. (It was, even just from a fanfic inspiriation point-of-view a particularly good episode.)
Also, this is about what I would have expected Celestia's reaction to be: pretty much going ballistic that Luna hid it from her. Nice work.
Congratulations for posting!
And RP: no one needs to be first; just to be themselves.
Be encouraged to post further, with more stories and thoughts. They do you credit.
6200517 I would just be like "Why?
"
Brava! Brava! Bravisima! Encore! Encore!
9.5/10! Glorious! Characterization felt real, feelings actually were real, story flowed nicely and the grammar was well above average.
Amazing indeed, I tip my fictional hat to you and this small jewel you have here.
Interesting read, though could do with a little bit of proofreading.
Things I noticed: Equestria, not Equastria. There were also a few quote marks and formatting issues, as well as the grammar. Don't let that criticism diminish what you've done though, this is a damn good piece for someone's first fic, and heck, you managed to get featured on your first fic, that's a pretty good achievement in itself.
Check out some of the proof-reader groups, they'll be an invaluable tool if you decide to keep writing.
Loved it. Very emotional read.
I knew it was only a matter of time until this story was written after I watched the latest episode, Very well done.
6204941 N'awwww! Thank you!
6204811 Thanks for reading!
6202672 Thanks for the advice, I shall conquer formating one day!!!
thanks for reading!
6202427 Why thank you
6202343 Oh wow! Thank you so much!!!
6201819 Yay for overcoming first post jitters!
Thanks for reading!
6205054 Por nada, amigo. 'sokay, kid.
Indeed, I beheld Celestia's reaction as similar to a horrified Catholic mother, finding out her convent nun of a daughter had been self-flagellating (That is to say, lashing her own back with a cat-of-nine-tails whip over her shoulder) over a past sin she can never take back.
As I've explored in my own story, Ex Evils Anonymous, self-forgiveness can be the hardest obstacle of all for an 'ex-evil' to overcome. Glad to see the Hasbro/Dhx team was also thinking along those lines. Whether my own story gets canonized or not, I do hope they're planning to round up all the reformed baddies in the entire show, for either one episode or a 2-parter. Maybe Season 6, maybe not.
Hope you can post a comment on mine; I can't seem to get anyone else to do so, at this time.
6205035 Oh sure thing it was a great read.
Wow. My eyes actually got all teared up at a couple points in the story. Great job.
I can't emphasize enough how much I loved and needed this story especially after episode 13. That episode had me in complete tears as did this story. Being the sensitive dork I am I just kept faffing over the fact that Luna was literally tormenting herself over something she didn't have to face alone. And this fic has given me some sort of closure as this is exactly how I'd envision Celestias reaction to Lunas suffering would be. Thankyou for an amazing and beautiful read!
6205049 For what? Telling the truth? You wrote a story which I could read for free and you're thanking ME for complimenting it? Logical fowl!
P.S. Thanks for writing this.
"Creator, how did I fail you? I gave you pain as you commanded of me! I did all that you willed of me!"
This is just SO TOUCHING AND OH!
On a side note Author person.
Equestria
"Huh, never thought I would work up the courage to actually post something!"
Well, congrats! Jolly good story!
I like the idea of the story, but it's not well communicated. The emotions flip back and forth rapidly with little to no transition and it's difficult, or outright contradictory, to try to figure out how much Celestia actually knows about the situation before it's explained. Nice enough for a first story, but could be better.
gonna go cry now, THE FEEEEELLSS!!
Ahh, very nice!
It is in my opinion that you should write more fanfic, you have an great writing ability and I can see it being improved on ☺ and on the side note, good job on this one-shot
Hm. The ending feels rushed. I know this was supposed to have a happy (well, happier) conclusion, but it still feels like "happily ever after" - and I know from experience that such things take years to resolve, even with help, and they never truly go away.
I would've prefered a more serious conclusion. I suppose the last two lines are what I was looking for, and sadly they feel more like a footnote than anything else.
Otherwise, solid bit of work. I suppose I could be a bitch about the overuse of "sister", too, but that's a technicality (though it does take away from the experience - nobody talks like that, and it doesn't feel like a quirk of speech).
This story does, however, bring to light the darker side of the whole affair. I suppose I wouldn't mind reading a story that focuses on these aftershocks: a story where Luna is the serious one, not willing to give ground to any nightmare - real or imagined - that could once again hold her; a story where Celestia becomes the happy-go-lucky one, at least in comparison... Possibly, a story where Twilight gets sucked into little scuffles between the two, ends up a confidante for both... and a little bit of a psychotherapist, I suppose. Cooperation and Understanding are parts of Friendship too, right? And besides, it's fairly clear that Equestria isn't done with the whole Nightmare Moon thing - not even close, I suppose...