A guy from the future finds him self in Equestria after he tried to teleport out of a space vessel. His atoms got blasted with an ion dissruptor and rematerialized IN EQUESTRIA!!!!!
(Just a practice story. If it's bad then remember I'm just trying to get better with writing)
(I'm bad with grammar so if you have a problem with it, then I can deal ^^.)(Also my writing style seems to change throughout the story :D)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I guess the story was good. Don't let trolls bring you down, though.
Just work on your punctuation and grammar
wut.
590440
thx brah :P
this is more of a practice story...I'm not out to make the grammar amazing but TRYING to get my original characters...umm...Into character?
oh and was my plea for mercy what brang me so many thumbs downs?
591836 The punctuation and grammar doesn't usually cause bronies to thumb down... I really don't know; maybe they didn't like the plot?
591984
Maybe I gave too much back story...and didn't make it interesting?
meh. ACTUALLY...yea that's it :o
I put the back story instead of the summery on the front page...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW ok thanks for commenting and letting me make a connection
(I hope that's the problem...)
592018 believe me, bronies on fimfiction don't care much about spelling or punctuation (if the story's interesting enough)
592039
I know I'm the same way...But I only worry about the critics that are like...SUPER critics.
And I also am paranoid right now cuz of the 4 dislikes :"(
I haven't rated my own story yet though
592045 I'm a SUPER critic, Lol.
I barely spare any fics with grammatical errors, but I gave this one a chance
don't get depressed just because of the dislikes, man! They come and go
592118
OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWATI!
what you rate this?
592132 Well, It really depends on what you want me to rate it:
Story: could be better, but interesting. I like it, it's...different...I'd give is a 7/10
Grammar: gotta work on it 4/10
general writing style: unique... 7.5/10
In general, It's a good fic. Don't forget to reread/edit your chapter before publishing (reduces redundancy and grammatical errors).
Reading a lot helps
592188
ow...4/10? grammar......
didn't know I was that bad
I remeber on my first story I notice I used the word 'tar' too many times and I openly raged about it in an ()
I thought that my rage gives commical releife or nigra >:( I DONT KNOW HOW TO SPELL COMMICAL RELIEF.
kk stuff like that...would that make up for my terrible grammar if I rage about it...(besides the obvious "DUDE IF YOU DON'T LIKE FIX!" responses)
I don't know maybe I should turn the whole storyline into a joke so it becomes entertaining even if you don't like the story itself. will that work?
592205 personally, I can settle for any plot (as long as it's amusing!)
the main thing I pin everybrony down with is their grammar. Don't worry, dude, there's no need to change anything - it's fine!
If you're of foreign descent, I suggest you read A LOT (works for everyone, though; that's how I got good at grammar)
You'll have to deal with a lot of cold-hard criticism in your life, and don't let it bring you down! Keep your head high, and don't let anything make you sad or depressed!
592245
naw naw I don't mind criticism but If no one likes my stories then I feel I'm not really ready to grab peoples attention with my work. did you know the first story I ever wrote was 40,000 words long?
I uploaded it...NO ONE LIKED IT!
a guy was like "PARAGRAPHS DUDE!"
and I was...flabbergasted! <------ dumbest word ever.
anyway I rewrote it. entirely. people still didn't like it. so took it down. however I consider this one my practice work so I'm not going to take it down and what not. frankly my first chapter was ugly because I couldn't figure out how to get my guy INTO CHARACTER. but I did it with my second chapter! I plan on this series too be an unending one. so I can make up new adventures for our mutual friend Cole and inspire me for my future plans of Tales of Muru. It's the story I PLAN on finishing on this site. But I want it too be epic! so why not do some practice ones before I go all hard core on my main story?
592245
...I'm not foreign...I just failed english
592791 oh
593778 im pretty good with grammar, you know were i learn't about it? Gears of War subtitles haha!
592791 Don't feel paranoid. Did you know I had a story that had 31 dislikes and like 10 likes? But then I worked hard and got better. My Vietnam story has now got 6 dislikes and 10 likes? Big difference! You will get better!
596931 you made six grammatical mistakes in the first sentence
599222
Oh shut up! XD
602834
604024
I don't know about you but I feel quite honored that rainbow licked my name.
599222 AND A FUUUUCK YOU TOO! UMAD BITCH 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 TWAT COMON YOU WANT TO START SOMTHIN MOTHERFUCKER LOOK AT YOU GET A FUCKING LIFE FAGGOT GO TALK SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE I WILL END YOUR PATHETIC LIFE AHAHAAHAH
615443
LOL THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
epicness happend
moar plz
635001
ask and shall receive ;P
Man his meds can sure come in handy for those afraid of death.
holy fuck man....................................... this is now my favorite story.................. ever.... of all time
“Whoa! HOW’D YOU DO THAT!?” Said Pinkie.
“Oh this?” Cole teleports back to his bed. “With my awesome!”
“COOOOOL! Teach me how to be awesome!”
“Ok well first you must pledge you’re allegiance to the blue waffle!”
“I PLEDGE MY ALLEGIANCE TO THE BLUE WAFFLE!”
-Jorofrarie
What was this I don't even...
Nah, this was a good, if short, story. Can only look forward to a sequel of some kind. Very hard to come across a story like this.
Good luck in the future.
-Jorofrarie
658993
Thank you friend :)
I'm working right now on another story you may be interested in. I hope it would be a lot more interesting than this one. HELL I HOPE IT EVEN GETS FEATURED XD
but yea just so you know this story will continue. If I find the time...Anyway I will reference it in a future project maybe. So yea expect there to be a WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! When you see it ;P
658995 LOLOLOLOL sounds good. It's every author's dream to get featured one day, even mine.
(Although I don't think that I ever will...
)
But anyway, might as well follow just to see what you get up to later.
See you on the other side!
-Jorofrarie
P.S. Physics says hi!
659000
All righty then :P
And just so you know getting featured doesnt seem that hard when you think of it. Your story needs to be epic :D
This one i just pulled out of my ass when I found the time...No joke the title and the back story was all just...Lawl on the spot XD
I'ma check your storys now
659000
LOL ok you have more of a chance to get Featured than me at the moment
I wish for the best :P
HE'S A BAWS AT BATTLESHIP
Cole is the king of the trollers!
Is there a sequel and that Cole is being recreated
you ruined everything!!!
this didn't make any fucking sense!
1701541
LOL not fixing it too old xP
i am sleepy, tell my why i should marathon read this whole series instead of sleeping i need some motivation please
2685993
Maybe sleep on it?
2686003Best answer ever XD, but i am too deep into the cafeine high to sleep, also i need to study XD
I'm gonna guess those nanobots made him a bit 'loco in the coco' seeing how his mind went from Space Trooper to pre pubescent brony
The soldier should say: "That's classified."
Question: why have they not to administered pain medicine so that the test subject doesn't have to experience large, large amounts of pain going through his body.
Me trying to make up an answer: Because either A they haven't thought of actually doing that or B The pain medication messes with the nano bots inhibiting or outright to removing their process.
B is the most likely answer, but A is still a viable/possible answer.