I'm a Cosmonaut
Author: Just so you know I like to separate events and dialog so you can understand it better. Like I would use description of what the person looks like or the faces they make after what they say. THEN I will type the next events that transpired when the characters weren’t talking…sometimes I’ll give more information about Cole in these paragraphs and such.
I also notice I at times go from 3rd person to 1st person…weird but just forget about it I don’t really want to fix it unless ITS EXTREAMLY IMPORTANT! Or I find time to fix it rather than work on the next chapter. If you notice anything wrong with grammar point it out. (I will fix that at any time rather than replace the paragraph so it’s proper)(I’m also a novice so please…mercy ;-;)(sorry for long descriptive paragraphs. FUCKING DEAL!)
(I WILL BE ANNOYING WITH MY EDITS SO LIVE WITH IT!) I also like too see my stuff be awesome...oh tell me EXACTLY what you don't like about this story. (Includes concept)
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In the future there was a great space war. Communism was nonexistent but the old communist countries were still taking heat from past blood after the first intergalactic war, were communism finally disappeared forever. But now that the alliance has won and the peace has been restored the public wanted revenge for the fifty year space war. The Cosmonaut Kremlin was a new organization that united the ruined communist people and officially started to create laws and build a military to defend themselves against space mercenaries. This created fear in the alliance because they thought they were preparing for war. The alliance had one choice…strike first. But this attempt failed and their actions set off the largest intergalactic slaughter the history of man has ever seen.
John Cole was a Cosmonaut and he firmly believed in democracy, like his friends and his crew he would fight to the death if he had too. He was assigned to receive an infusion of nanotechnology into his body and through that he gained almost super human powers. There was a lot of boarding needed to be done in space. And he was the captain of the Trinity so it was his responsibility to protect the beacon of hope for the Cosmonaut Kremlin. (The Trinity was a ship that turned the tide for the Communist Hierarchy so they took many planets with it. Essentially it is the beacon of hope for Cosmonaut Kremlin. People thought that ship will win them the war.) Trinity fought and gave hope to the new world of Cosmonaut Kremlin and started to win the war. But battle after battle after battle the Trinity found itself the only hope left for the Kremlin when alliance forces begin to close in on key star systems.
John Cole became an iconic person for all of the free people of the new world and even though things seemed bleak they had him to turn too and his new group of super soldiers called Nano Troopers. Unlike the regular foot soldiers Nano Troopers didn’t wear full suits of armor and they use their nanotech to lift objects with the Nano ‘swarm’ that was infused into their bodies.
Now here we are with General John Cole of the Trinity. Returning to the capital planet New Earth to dock at the stations of New Moscow and New Denmark. All is peaceful and sound…For now.
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Cole was walking down the hall way too the science bay. It was the day he was going too be infused with the ‘swarm’. He anxiously speed walks to the science bay and when he enters he is greeted by the science team.
“General Cole the swarm chamber awaits you.” Said a scientist.
“Good man. Now what should I expect during transfusion?” Said Cole.
“Well you can expect a slight tingle. Then pain. Lots of pain. But its ok it will only last a few seconds.”
“Oh…That’s comforting and lays my mind to rest. I truly feel I’m in good hands.” Cole glares at him.
“Would you prefer me to lie to you and say it will fell almost orgasmic?”
“Yea!”
“Then it will feel-“
“Shut up and hook me up!” Cole snaps at him.
The scientist asks Cole to strip and then places Cole on the table and straps him down so he couldn’t move any of his limbs including fastening his head down tightly. Not a good sign if he didn’t know it would hurt already. Then he leaves the room and Cole looks around the room with his eyes and notices the machinery exposing a nano swarm vial. The vial makes its way to the infusion equipment ominously hanging over Cole’s head. He gulps fearing what comes next.
“General Cole we are beginning transfusion.”
Cole glances nervously at the blue vial of nano swarm tech and braces for the large needle still hanging ominously over his head to lower and inject nanobots into his body. The machine roared to life and lowered toward him after what seemed like ages and pierced his skin. At first it was felt like a regular doctor’s needle that goes into your arm and gives you a simple vaccine. Not a big deal. But then the nano swarm was injected and they started racing around my blood stream. It burned every vein it contacted as each nanobot bored into the cell walls and crated hives for the nanobots to create more nanobots later on. I could feel my body trying to reject these invaders as my muscles convulsed and the pain seemed too double as they squeezed the nanotech filled veins and arteries. I tried to struggle free from my restraints but they were secured so tight that my attempted escape was no more than a flinch. I knew this pain would subside soon but it was painful. EVERYTHING WAS ON FIRE! Not to mention…So yea it hurt like hell. The whole time the bots were working their way through me they were opening up space with their miniature bodies between my muscles. They sent the signal to the other machine with a similar syringe only a black liquid was inside the large vials attached to it. That machine roared to life as well and moved closer too me and slowly lowered the needle into each pouch of empty space the bots created injecting the black liquid inside me. After a few minutes the substance hardened and made my muscles look slightly larger. However I noticed some openings in my skin around were the black substance was injected and I could see a nano swarm hive forming an opening in my skin. Which hurt like hell if I may add! Then the scientist came back into the room and started to remove the restraints.
“General we need you back on the bridge. Oh and you won’t be able to use the nano bots until they make drones. They will slowly bore their way to your mind and you will see an interface pop up when they are at full functionality and ready to produce nano swarm drones.”
“Ok thanks. Who will show me how too use them when their ready?”
“The nanobots have an information library. When their online and capable of performing operations they’ll notify you.”
“So I can access my abilities when I want too?”
“Yea just like every other Nano Trooper. You can summon the nanobot library when you want too and research the things you can do with them. Also at the request at corporal Khan I’ve placed world history and forms of entertainment into the mainframe so you won’t get bored.”
“You wha?”
“Bridge needs you Cole. And I need to attend to more nano patients. Go get dresses short stuff.” Cole blushed slightly.
“I auta’ court marshal you!”
“Science division isn’t military sir soooo. No can do!”
Cole gets dressed and walks back to the bridge. He couldn’t help but think of ways he could get back at that scientist. He realizes he didn’t even get his name.
Alliance battle cruisers detected. All hands to battle stations.
The red alert lights ignited with artificial light that was reflected on almost every surface. Cole goes into a sprint to the bridge but the nanotech was still working in his body so his muscles burned and stung each time he took a long stride in his run.
Alliance battleships detected. Enemy forces on intercept course.
Cole didn’t have much time to get to the bridge before he felt the Trinity shake with an impact.
Engine damaged. Fleet dropping out of warp. Response drones activated and on intercept course.
His first was in the captain’s chair he thought. Only Matt Armor would be so quick as too assume command and send out drones to intercept the battle cruisers and battleships. Cole trusted Matt at the helm so he slowed his pace. Matt was the only one who shared Cole’s choices during a combat situation so he knew the Trinity is in the right hands at the moment. Then an explosion a few decks below makes Cole stumble and crash to the ground.
Alert titan class ion disruptor detected. All hands brace for death.
Whoever the sick bastard was who got the computer to say that when a titan class was detected will be beaten into the ground if I live through this. Though I have to agree with it. Titans are known for destroying everything in there paths. Entire crews and ships disappear when they fire their weapons. But the type of weapon causes weird anomalies and it is rumored that they keep you from going to heaven…I will never listen to superstition again. It gets me to fear things that don’t need to be feared in battle. Though I was pretty scared that a titan was in the battlefield. And we only see it on our way home too.
Matt comes on the loud speaker. “Titan class is powering up the ion disruptor! It’s aiming right at us! All hands abandon ship!”
Cole just stands there dumbfounded knowing that he didn’t have time to get to the escape pods. Then his nano tech Library pops up and starts to download all the information from Trinity. All the files were now his and he needed too get off the ship somehow so the Trinity’s top secret power core can be installed into other vessels. Cole is torn between staying with his crew and escaping the ship for his country. Then the nano bots start up a teleportation command that Cole couldn’t remember giving. His body dematerializes and his atoms started scattering before a ion disruptor blast catches them. Then darkness…A lot of darkness.
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I wake up after what seemed like ages. I was in a forest. A weird one. The trees seemed to be almost two dimensional and cartoony. My body was aching and I thought my bones were broken. Though I could tell the nanobots were still with me because I felt them organizing the hardened black liquid that I now realized stored data. I felt more comfortable with them moving around inside me now and they closed up my cuts and even the hive entrances. They were trying to make drones with parts they didn’t have. The interface pops up again and gives me a nanodrone warning. Materials required. Nano engineering is offline. I turn my head too look around for a possible food source. The nanobots can convert matter; and if I can’t find food then I will have too cannibalize my own body to continue moving. It’s at this point I noticed an animal walking towards me. It seemed to be some sort of zebra but it was really small and had jewelry on it’s foreleg from what I could tell. Then it went black…shit I’m no were near earth it might be carnivorous for all I know.
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I regain consciousness in a weird room. It looked like a hospital. I heard beeping at a steady pace and immediately notice I was hooked up to wires. That was weird hospitals don’t use wires these days. Actually it started too look more and more like a 1970’s hospital were they still had that heart beat monitor things. I can feel my arms again and I pull off the wires attached too my arms. One seemed too be in my skin but I still ripped it away and I started too bleed. The heartbeat monitor machine started to make a high pitched beeping noise. The nurse ran in and-NURSE?!!!?!?!? It was a pony with a white hat that had a red cross on it. I stared in disbelief.
“HEY STOP THAT!” She said as she turned off the equipment. “You need rest! If you can understand me that is.” At this her expression went from an serious frown to a curious stare.
“Umm…Yea I can understand you. And I don’t need your equipment just get me some food and I’ll be all right.” Was talking to a pony weird? YEA! But I’m a Cosmonaut and I’ve seen way stranger-WAS THAT PONY USING ENGLISH?!?!
“Oh…You can speak. Ok well your bones are broken in several places and you need rest. And about your cloths?” I looked down and noticed I had a hospital outfit on.
“WERE’S MY OUTFIT!” I exclaimed fearful of who may or may not have seen my junk.
“It was removed and being cleaned. Now I’ll be back in too check up on you so please don’t move. Another nurse will come in with food shortly”
“Yes ma’am.”
She walks out of the room leaving me baffled. But in the mean time I accessed my neural net too see what my nanobot status was. 0%. Expected but I do have scout drones that can be made by cannibalizing dead skin. Wasn’t using dead skin anyway so I let the drones convert it. A few minutes later the watcher drone was created and left a port in my left shoulder. It quickly closed up when the drone left. My hands were still being converted though so I couldn’t use any nano grappling to grab things from across the room. Not that I had anything to grab.
I sent out the drone and its eyes were mine for the time it was out. I scouted around the hospital and taking note of some of the patients there. Some were in complete agony a couple rooms over. I only now realize how sound proofed the room actually was despite the door being opened. I was quite impressed by that feat. Though I needed the drone to fly near the ceiling because it may be small but it’s also big enough to be considered a bug.
A nurse comes in with a plate of salad and what I believe was mashed potatoes.
“Hey can you stay a while?” I said wanting to know more about my surroundings.
“Sorry I have too give food to the remaining patients. A nurse will be in to check on you. Oh I almost forgot you have a visitor that wants to ask about your origins. Her name is Twilight Sparkle should I tell her to come in?”
Well that would be nice. They can get information on me and I can get information on them. What’s not too love about that?
The nurse gives food to a pony who was on the other side of the room then comes back to listen to my request.
“Yea send her in when you can.”
“I’ll send a nurse.”
She leaves and I can hear talking outside the room. I chose to eat the food. I could tell it wasn’t meant for human consumption but I ate it anyway because the nanobots could easily use it to replenish my swarm. Though some of it was edible so I kept that. Now that my swarm was creating drones I could feel my nanobot levels increasing as my hands started to subtly convert into a hive holder. That’s good.
A lavender pony enters the room. I make sure my hives were covered by flesh and fabric as fast as I can. Though it’s only now I really notice how broken I actually am. The nanobots were holding me together and that’s pretty much it. they started to build up my muscles and bones by converting the protein in my-
“Hi I’m Twilight Sparkle.” Said the lavender-UNICORN!?!?!?
“Umm hi I’m John Cole. I’m a…human.” I was going to tell her I was a general but I had no idea what they would do if I said that so I just said my species.
“I’m a pony. I’m also the towns’ librarian. I want to talk to you where you’re from.”
“Well technically New Earth but I was born in space before the transport arrived. So that’s pretty cool…I’m spaceborn.” I said cautiously.
“Wait you were born in space? So do you not need air or something?” She said shocked.
“I was in a space ship so it had air.”
“Oh…What’s that?”
“It’s a large air tight metal-“ the nano swarm binged me a warning that my body was fully recovered and I can leave when ready. Nano healing was quite fast and I was impressed by its speed. “Oh ok…wow I can get up now. Where are my cloths?”
“Wait you can’t leave your hurt…aren’t you?” she said confused as I take off the bandages the nurse put on me when I was unconscious.
“Naw I have the swarm.”
“The what?”
“Where are my cloths?”
“You can’t leave. Even if you’re healed you can’t just leave. What would people think when they see a human like yourself walking through the streets! Well actually everyone knows that you’re here but to get out so fast would be weird. Stay here for a while then we’ll let you go.”
“Well…K that’s acceptable but I really need to talk too my-“ I see the room around me a little better now. I realize this whole world was two dimensional. “Whoa that’s just weird.”
“What?”
“Everything’s way different from the world I come from.”
“Well yea and I want to learn all about it…So tell me everything.” She leans in to listen to everything I’m going to say.
“Well all right. We have these things called space ships.”
Author: Ok what do you think? I wanted too give the character some sort of superpowers so he can combat magic. I DO plan on trying to get him to fight someone or even just use his Nanobot tech to do something productive. THERE IS SO MUCH OBVIOUS STUFF I CAN DO! Oh and remember those weird times when it goes to 3rd to 1st person view? Expect too see that. I haven’t really worked on a character before that I reference as myself. I’m usually writing in 3rd person so this is kinda new. Tell me ANYTHING that’s wrong with it.
Edit: Thanks for being dicks and just not liking it because it's kinda my first time -.-
I'm surprized how many people actually looked at this in the first day alone O.o
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I guess the story was good. Don't let trolls bring you down, though.
Just work on your punctuation and grammar
wut.
590440
thx brah :P
this is more of a practice story...I'm not out to make the grammar amazing but TRYING to get my original characters...umm...Into character?
oh and was my plea for mercy what brang me so many thumbs downs?
591836 The punctuation and grammar doesn't usually cause bronies to thumb down... I really don't know; maybe they didn't like the plot?
591984
Maybe I gave too much back story...and didn't make it interesting?
meh. ACTUALLY...yea that's it :o
I put the back story instead of the summery on the front page...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW ok thanks for commenting and letting me make a connection
(I hope that's the problem...)
592018 believe me, bronies on fimfiction don't care much about spelling or punctuation (if the story's interesting enough)
592039
I know I'm the same way...But I only worry about the critics that are like...SUPER critics.
And I also am paranoid right now cuz of the 4 dislikes :"(
I haven't rated my own story yet though
592045 I'm a SUPER critic, Lol.
I barely spare any fics with grammatical errors, but I gave this one a chance
don't get depressed just because of the dislikes, man! They come and go
592118
OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWATI!
what you rate this?
592132 Well, It really depends on what you want me to rate it:
Story: could be better, but interesting. I like it, it's...different...I'd give is a 7/10
Grammar: gotta work on it 4/10
general writing style: unique... 7.5/10
In general, It's a good fic. Don't forget to reread/edit your chapter before publishing (reduces redundancy and grammatical errors).
Reading a lot helps
592188
ow...4/10? grammar......
didn't know I was that bad
I remeber on my first story I notice I used the word 'tar' too many times and I openly raged about it in an ()
I thought that my rage gives commical releife or nigra >:( I DONT KNOW HOW TO SPELL COMMICAL RELIEF.
kk stuff like that...would that make up for my terrible grammar if I rage about it...(besides the obvious "DUDE IF YOU DON'T LIKE FIX!" responses)
I don't know maybe I should turn the whole storyline into a joke so it becomes entertaining even if you don't like the story itself. will that work?
592205 personally, I can settle for any plot (as long as it's amusing!)
the main thing I pin everybrony down with is their grammar. Don't worry, dude, there's no need to change anything - it's fine!
If you're of foreign descent, I suggest you read A LOT (works for everyone, though; that's how I got good at grammar)
You'll have to deal with a lot of cold-hard criticism in your life, and don't let it bring you down! Keep your head high, and don't let anything make you sad or depressed!
592245
naw naw I don't mind criticism but If no one likes my stories then I feel I'm not really ready to grab peoples attention with my work. did you know the first story I ever wrote was 40,000 words long?
I uploaded it...NO ONE LIKED IT!
a guy was like "PARAGRAPHS DUDE!"
and I was...flabbergasted! <------ dumbest word ever.
anyway I rewrote it. entirely. people still didn't like it. so took it down. however I consider this one my practice work so I'm not going to take it down and what not. frankly my first chapter was ugly because I couldn't figure out how to get my guy INTO CHARACTER. but I did it with my second chapter! I plan on this series too be an unending one. so I can make up new adventures for our mutual friend Cole and inspire me for my future plans of Tales of Muru. It's the story I PLAN on finishing on this site. But I want it too be epic! so why not do some practice ones before I go all hard core on my main story?
592245
...I'm not foreign...I just failed english
592791 oh
593778 im pretty good with grammar, you know were i learn't about it? Gears of War subtitles haha!
592791 Don't feel paranoid. Did you know I had a story that had 31 dislikes and like 10 likes? But then I worked hard and got better. My Vietnam story has now got 6 dislikes and 10 likes? Big difference! You will get better!
The soldier should say: "That's classified."
Question: why have they not to administered pain medicine so that the test subject doesn't have to experience large, large amounts of pain going through his body.
Me trying to make up an answer: Because either A they haven't thought of actually doing that or B The pain medication messes with the nano bots inhibiting or outright to removing their process.
B is the most likely answer, but A is still a viable/possible answer.