• Member Since 7th Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Witching Hour

How did I manage to accrue a freaking following of other authors?!



This story is a sequel to Nighttime Prayers

When Monkey Wrench lost the use of her wings in a weather factory accident, she thought her life as a pegasus was over; not if Witching Hour, an up and coming unicorn with an unusual healing talent, has anything to say about it!

Chapters (7)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 31 )

Congratulations on your first FIMFiction story! You're off to a good start - just remember that I'm a writer that is publishing chapters that are roughly 20 times the length of yours, which colors all my comments and perspectives.

Why do I mention that? You have a very solid backstory for each of your OCs, but those of us living in the peanut gallery don't know everything that you have planned. I am a poor editor for complicated tense structures, which is why I'm grateful for help, but the story seems to be solid from a grammar perspective.

My feedback thus far (aside from my preference for verbosity, long descriptions and large chapters) is: (1) Aside from the horrific injury, I haven't been given a solid reason or anecdote to emotionally connect with either of the OCs and (2) Princess Luna taking on a student is a Big Deal - this should be covered at length, and fairly soon. Again, congratulations on your first FIMFiction story!

Long descriptions is actually one of my weak points, as I tend to go into too much detail, and I'm trying very hard to avoid it. I'm mostly trying for a short story right now, so keeping the huge descriptions out is a Thing... I think I'll take your suggestions though, and see where they take me... I already have a decent idea now - so I'm gonna run with it! :pinkiehappy:

Thank you so much for your feedback and thank you for the congratulations! :yay:

I'm glad you persevered, because you did a good job of characterizing Luna in this chapter, and as a result, you got me to understand your two protagonists much better! :twilightsmile:

Now, for a bit of impromptu musing: Dreams grant us our fondest wishes and place us before our most feared terrors, but they are not the real world. This mystery and this dual life characterizes Luna and would seep into any student that she would take.

Witching Hour is overtly characterized as an optimist and as a perfectionist, but to fixate on failure shows (to me) inexperience and insecurity. I look forward to seeing how Monkey Wrench and Witching Hour help each other grow under the watchful eyes of Princess Luna!

:rainbowkiss: Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad I presented a better understanding of my OCs, and gave Luna a better showing.

You are correct that fixating on failure can indicate insecurity and inexperience... But one of the perils of being a perfectionist is also being firmly convinced that nothing she does is good enough; read, insecurity. :pinkiecrazy: I know this rather well, as it's something I struggle with myself. Even when I'm doing well, I'm constantly afraid that something will go wrong... For Witching Hour, this is compounded by the rampant depression-causing aspects of being a doctor - every decision she makes can mean survival or death. This is also exemplified in Rarity's character - but again, it's not a life or death situation she deals with.

Anyhow! Thanks for continuing to read! I hope you enjoy Chapter 4 as much as, if not more than this chapter! :yay:

I enjoyed seeing the difference between Witching Hour's "doctor" persona and the persona we took a close look at in the previous chapter. You captured the mix of resolve and risk very well. Monkey Wrench has hope right now - perhaps a little irrational, but if it's how she works herself into courage... well... we have seen pegasi with worse ways of coping with adversity. :rainbowderp:

On to Chapter 5! Thanks for keeping this moving forward at a brisk pace (even without electricity)!

I'm impressed by the medical knowledge, because this felt like a genuine operating room - not just a place where Witching Hour casts a spell. The nurses and the observer added credence to Witching's medical acumen - no neophyte garners such attention, and the staff was fully cognizant of the risks of what she was attempting. Well done with showing her effort, her worry, and then ultimately, her fatigue. I hope that Luna is there to reassure Witching.

We will soon know whether the spell worked and what sort of limitations that the crystal wings may have... I'll stay patient!


To address Monkey Wrench's (possibly irrational) hope - she's had all night to think on the procedure, and while she may not understand all the magical jargon, Monkey Wrench feels that if she doesn't go through it, then she might as well have died in the accident. Thus, a fair amount of psyching herself up... You are quite correct that we've seen cannon characters do similar things. :rainbowlaugh:

The medical knowledge involved a lot of staring at wing anatomy pictures, and recalling a fair amount of my own experiences with operating rooms (part from my own pre-op experience, and experience in taking family members in for such procedures). Further, I know enough of the scientific method to realize that experiments are best done in pairs at minimum - one acting, one observing - thus, I needed to introduce Emerald Charmer.

A fair amount also just made sense; like Witching Hour having two nurses she worked with on a regular basis, or needing as much of Monkey Wrench's wings as could be salvaged (either by being still attached, or cleaned up from the accident)... This is a metaphysics thing, partly, but also on par with how one must be a 'match' to donate organs.

As for the crystal iron? I made a fair bit about that up on the fly, but it too made sense if ponies looked as we humans do to extend our life expectancy... It also made sense that the crystal ponies would make more extensive use of it in their medical practices, since they would need something that would be compatible with their bodies.

Anyhow! I'm gonna go back to writing! Thank you so much for continuing to read! I'm glad you're enjoying it! :raritystarry:

Congratulations on completing this story! If I was paying attention, this is the first multi-chapter story you've completed, correct? I am so happy for you!

I enjoyed how you shone a light into the inner workings of the hospital and gave us insight into the technically demanding and emotionally wrenching world that Witching Hour inhabits. The crystal wings will serve Monkey Wrench well, but I'm glad you added some trepidation from Witching Hour. These are enjoyable characters and I suspect you have more planned. :twilightsmile:

Yes! It is the first multi-chapter story I've finished! Thank you! :yay:

I do have more planned... And because of a late-night inspiration, I will be writing an epilogue/sequel... I say sequel because, without adding it, this story is complete... However, it's an epilogue in that it makes the most sense immediately after reading these six chapters. :twistnerd:

I admit a fair amount of my hospital presentation was based on my own experiences either as a patient or as a visitor/transportation, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile: The emotions of Witching Hour are pretty much what I myself would feel in those situations.

Well this was enjoyable. It felt a bit quick though.


If it was quick to read, that doesn't surprise me at all since I wrote this story as both an introductory piece for my OCs, and to keep myself from being too descriptive. I tried to keep it from feeling like the characters were moving too quickly after chapter 2. :scootangel:

This is really just me the longer the build up the better for. If it moves at a glacial pace I'd be extremely happy but most people seem to prefer something quicker.

To each their own preferences. :twilightsmile: I understand completely. You might enjoy Steady as She Flies more then. :raritywink:

On the last availible chapter about 3/4 the way down.

Well, I promised last night that I'd read this, and I did! And what an enjoyable read it was! I am glad I took the time to read through this.

Anyway, on to the next story! For I must know what Witching Hour is up to around the Wonderbolt Compound!


Yay! I'm glad you enjoyed this!!! It was an exercise in forcing myself to write less description. :scootangel:

I wasn't kidding when i said i was hilariously far behind in your story :twilightoops::twilightblush: but im trying to catch up now :rainbowkiss:

This chapter was adorable, i could almost feel the warmth of Luna's words to Witching. Very well done, im excited to keep going :pinkiehappy:


I knew you weren't kidding! Especially when I blind-sided you by suddenly having chapters posted in Steady as She Flies! :raritywink: I'm glad you liked my personification of Luna. The duality of Luna's interactions with the Wonderbolts and with Witch will become more apparent in the sequel, which I hope I've managed. :scootangel:

Such a warm feeling, seeing Monkey Wrench's pure glee and joy upon regaining use of her wings :twilightsmile: I loved her scooping up Witching as well, that was really cute :rainbowkiss:

An interesting set up, now we will see where this extra wing power takes her... and if it helps or hinders her? :pinkiecrazy:

A very nice read, i look forward to tackling the second one to see just how you've molded it into the events of the Wonderverse :rainbowdetermined2:


I'm glad you enjoyed it Calm! :pinkiehappy: The answer to your musings is "yes" - it both helps and hinders in different ways. :raritywink: I'll comment more about SaSF when you get to it. :twilightsmile:

Luna was distant, but attentive mentor to the young unicorn

I think there's an a missing there.

Other than that, I'm interested to see where this goes. To the next chapter!

Between the first and second sentences, you went from past to present tense.

She knew the long tendon was still in tact


Sorry about being nitpicky; I'm trying to be helpful. I like the story overall!


There are lots of things I could re-work in this one... :scootangel: Thanks though! I appreciate the feedback. Glad you're enjoying!

UPDATE/EDIT: Both instances fixed. Thanks. I don't usually use past tense, but this particular story was a challenge I set for myself.

well the first chapter is looking really strong but I will hold my vote till I see if it stays strong.

I know this is our first story and the more I read the more I like this.
but it feels as if you are holding back all most like you are scared of really letting your Penn start righting.
I see you are improving greatly in just the few chapters I have read to this point and I look forward to the following story's.
exultant work Witching Hour.

It's funny that you mention holding back, because this is only my first story for the MLP fandom. It's by no means my first ever. Crystal Wings was a personal challenge because I was trying my best to keep my word count down by not describing as much as I'm prone to.

Thank you for reading! I'm glad you enjoy it!

yep I am officially impressed with this story line.

o the sequel's are going to be good.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!