They're going to Equestria at some point. Right?

5887497 I can't say for sure, there is a probability not because of the mirror's new rules but that doesn't mean that there aren't other ways to get back than though that portal. Even if they don't though, there will be Equestrians coming to visit them at the very least.

This is story is simply to good although it's a different versions of equestria but i love it. Can't wait for the next chapter.

5887639 Wow thank you so much, I'm happy that you are enjoying it

Any reaction from the other Alt!6 to Alt!Twilights 'twin'.

5888682 There will be, but so far they havent meet yet. Midnight freaked out and escaped them for now, but soon she will have to face them.

I do hope that she realizes that those 5 aren't 'her' 5 and are alternates.

5888710 She might have a hard time at first, but she will come to see that

5891536 Yes, Shining got both Sunset and Twilight out and they are currently safe under the care of separate people. Haven't chosen a judge yet, but so far Tirek has had some punishment so far.

How protective of her 'twin' would Alt!Twi be?
is 'Middy' cleared for any other type of interaction?

5897019 To be honest, Human Twily was going to like Pony Twilight at first but not really trust her because Pony Wilight refused to talk about her past. With all the down votes though my GF got a little depressed about the story but agreed to keep it going but wanted to shorten it a little from what we originally had planned so now Human Twilight does know and she will be very protective of her new sister. Middy will be allowed to go with Twilight to see her friends if she wants, as long as she stays with Twilight. Velvet is very over protective of her though for the moment.

Wow, I thought I left a review several days ago. I guess that's what happens when you don't check. Oh well. Anyway gotta say loving this so far as always. Like to point out that would like a more kind of show but not tell. The part where Applejack found out more about Sunset is okay in terms that Mac didn't want to hide it from his sister. Though I'd say the others shouldn't get that lucky in finding out, unless they sneak around hiding behind the bushes or something. That's what Pinkie might do. Also glad to point out that the up votes are getting higher. Cant wait for the next chapter.

5905994 When r u going to go back to the pony world?

5913496

Wow, I thought I left a review several days ago. I guess that's what happens when you don't check. Oh well. Anyway gotta say loving this so far as always. Like to point out that would like a more kind of show but not tell. The part where Applejack found out more about Sunset is okay in terms that Mac didn't want to hide it from his sister. Though I'd say the others shouldn't get that lucky in finding out, unless they sneak around hiding behind the bushes or something. That's what Pinkie might do. Also glad to point out that the up votes are getting higher. Cant wait for the next chapter.

I'll try, I'm trying to cut down on the info dumping, but after being set in a way of writing it can be hard though I think I'm making progress. And don't worry about the others finding out, there are going to be two of the girls only to know for now, Applejack and Fluttershy. There is a reason the second will know the and will be important to the story actually as Midnight (Pony Twilight) will need her support for making way for my favorite OC. Later Pinkie may do that when she knows that something big is going on, not really sure yet as plans are constantly changing thanks in part of me working on this with my GF and advice from others. And thanks, they are which is making my GF really happy as she was starting to think this was a waste of time with more haters than people enjoying the story. Thankfully that is no longer the case

5932914

When r u going to go back to the pony world?

There will be a chapter or at least some scenes from the Pony world in the next chapter or two. More likely the following one after the next update

5935451 Thanks for the point out. Sometimes it depends on the story and what it is possibly about makes the up and down votes. For example there's this story called 'Principal of Equestria' that was about 2-3 chapters in and over 1000 up votes or 'Everything for a princess', which in my opinion was really funny. Don't be discouraged. There's been a slight side project I've been working on for years. I eventually want to put it out, however I want to make sure I got all my background and characters flushed out. With a Human OC in equestria story, it sometimes is looked down on or brushed aside unless it's good and catches the readers attention.

Anyways can't wait for the next chapter. (I also started reading Music is magic, kind of in the middle of a like and feeling weird with the pace of it. But I think that's only me)

5936561

Thanks for the point out. Sometimes it depends on the story and what it is possibly about makes the up and down votes. For example there's this story called 'Principal of Equestria' that was about 2-3 chapters in and over 1000 up votes or 'Everything for a princess', which in my opinion was really funny. Don't be discouraged. There's been a slight side project I've been working on for years. I eventually want to put it out, however I want to make sure I got all my background and characters flushed out. With a Human OC in equestria story, it sometimes is looked down on or brushed aside unless it's good and catches the readers attention.
Anyways can't wait for the next chapter. (I also started reading Music is magic, kind of in the middle of a like and feeling weird with the pace of it. But I think that's only me)

Your welcome True I guess, and I have noticed that about the Principal in Equestria, I've seen it and been meaning to read it along with several other stories but between my vacation, writing and everything else I haven't been getting much reading done lately. My GF is feeling a lot better about the votes so thanks. Good luck with your story gets ready to post, I really hope it's very successful. Sorry about the pacing on Music is Magic, we don't want to make it too long so have been having timeskips having like the important things that happen but we may be going too fast. We want to make a decent story with it, but we are having trouble getting the pacing down right, but hope we get better with it (and with other stories as pacing is very hard to keep right)

5936941 Thanks. Also on a side note, you don't have to kill off the sirens completely. In the fiendship is magic issue 3# at the end the sirens ended up in modern equestria girls. It also showed that Starswirled was immune to their magic and battled them through all kinds of music, but in the end wasn't enough cause he was missing something. With that it showed him sending them through a mirror portal and writing in his journal. They kind of goofed at near the end with his journal. They could've tied his last spell that he wasn't able to get right with his battle with the sirens. The same spell that helped with Twilight becoming Princess. I'd like to see someone write a story on that, but later time. It also had some funny moments. Also the Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis issues were real good. Just some little food for thought.

5937238 Actually you have a very good point, I'll have to talk to my GF about this and see what she thinks. It could let us keep the Sirens around, then again how we changed the rules of how the mirror operates and what it was for, it might not. I would kind of like to keep the Sirens maybe now that you mention that because I'm getting a few ideas on how to use them. Thank you so much

5940625 Glad I could help.

Maybe something happened to her before she got away from that place that changed it, I don’t know.

Trust me AJ, you really don't want to know.

“Noooo please! Please stop it! SUNSET!” Came Midnight’s voice from her room stopping Velvet as she was passing by the room after checking on Twilight and making sure she was asleep.

Time for more misunderstandings on Velvet's part that could easily be fixed with maybe two simple questions?

After comforting Midnight nearly every night from nightmares that usually involved her daughter begging that bitch to stop hurting her how else was Velvet supposed to feel? She knew her emotions weren’t exactly stable without her meds, they hadn’t been since losing Midnight the first time, but she knew she was right about Sunset.

Called it.

“I’m so sorry, Sunset! I’m sorry I got you hurt! I’m so sorry!” Midnight sobbed as Velvet held her daughter close, rubbing her back as for what was probably the first time truly listening to Midnight instead of just pieces her highly emotional state picked out.

Midnight’s nightmares wasn’t her begging Sunset to stop hurting her, she was crying out for Sunset begging somebody to stop hurting the poor girl.

Finally! Thank Celestia Velvet's finally able to hear what (P)Twilight has really been saying rather then assuming that everything is Sunset's fault.

Luna?” Sunset asked softly, realizing who this person had to be.
“No sweetie, my sister is making us some coffee in the kitchen.”

Welp, this should be fun.

“Get the hell away from me you bitch!” Sunset hissed out.

Yep, lots of fun for everyone involved.

She said she couldn’t stay for long because her people needed her, but begged us to look for you and send you through the portal when it opened again. Personally if it opened back up I’d give you a choice if you wanted to stay or not because I don’t really trust her.

Huh, (H)Celestia definitely has the right idea here.

I was taken from the orphanage when I was very young as Celestia’s apprentice. For awhile everything was actually nice, but it hurt every time I tried to call her mom that she told me I just couldn’t do that. That it would cause problems among the noble houses if I did.

... You know (P)Celestia, I'm pretty sure the nobles can't possibly figure out Sunset is your actual daughter just because she refers to you as 'mom'. In fact you just adopted her from an orphanage, so even if she didn't call you 'mom' I'm pretty sure that there would need to be adoption forms signed that would clearly state that you are now legally her mother so why not just let Sunset at least think that she finally has a caring family now?

I did everything I could to make her proud though. I stopped playing around and hanging out with my friends and buried myself in my studies. I needed to become smarter and stronger then she would acknowledge me. The thing is she never did and even stopped bothering to try when she brought a new student into the castle and ignored me.

... Wow okay, (P)Celestia is blind right? Because that is literally the only way she couldn't see that the reason Sunset started shutting herself in was completely her fault and not Sunset's! And then (P)Celestia had the gall to write her off as a lost cause and completely completely replace her with Twilight (Which even if Twilight had no control over her immense magic power and Celestia could tell that she was destined to become the Element of Magic, that still no excuse to leave Sunset behind altogether in favor of Twilight.) just because Sunset was trying to impress her mother figure in the only way she knew how?

I hated that new student, stalked her trying to figure out what was so special about her and somehow I developed a crush on her.

Not really sure if they needed to know that last part Sunset.

You aren’t the same Celestia who told me I was no longer welcome in the castle if I wasn’t going to be good.

... Do I even need to say it at this point?

You are not going back there! I don’t give a damn what that bitch says, she doesn’t deserve you!” Celestia snapped shocking Sunset as the woman got up and stalked over to Sunset. The teen didn’t trust this Celestia, but for the first time since being there she didn’t fight against her as the woman pulled her into a hug. “I might not be your real mother, but I’m close enough. And I’ll never let that bitch take you back.

From this paragraph alone I think (H)Celestia might actually be the smartest person in this story so far. Her line of thought about this mess is one that I think we can all agree on.

Okay sorry for the really long comment but I just kinda got caught up in my train of thought towards the end.

Now as for how I felt about this chapter overall, I honestly think that most of the dialogue felt really stiff.

The scene with Mac and AJ was mostly a huge circle of Mac saying how he didn't mean to hurt Sunset and repeatedly saying that she doesn't hate him for what he did. (Although I understand the reason for this is that Mac is almost completely incapable of saying anything other then how sorry he is at this point, so AJ wouldn't really be able do anything other then reassure him that no one hates him because of what he did.)

The scene between (P)Twily and Velvet I thought was pretty good other then this part

“I’m so sorry, Sunset! I’m sorry I got you hurt! I’m so sorry!” Midnight sobbed as Velvet held her daughter close, rubbing her back as for what was probably the first time truly listening to Midnight instead of just pieces her highly emotional state picked out. She knew she needed her medicine and was once again taking it giving her a clearer mind. Clear enough to listen to her husband’s story earlier and Midnight’s cries now enough to rearrange the pieces of the apparently ill-fitting puzzle pieces to form a better picture. Midnight’s nightmares wasn’t her begging Sunset to stop hurting her, she was crying out for Sunset begging somebody to stop hurting the poor girl.

there's just something about how fast Velvet came to the realization that (P)Twilight was dreaming about Sunset getting hurt because of her, and not the other way around, that kinda bugs me.

And most of the dialogue in the scene in Sunset's room feels like forced exposition to me. I know that it was necessary to the story to have Sunset tell human Celestia and Luna about how she got into the human world, but something about how a lot of what she says just feels really forced to me and I can't pinpoint why that is. (Although I did really like how absolutely furious (H)Celestia was getting over all the stupid BS that her pony counterpart pulled on Sunset, so that part was fun.)

Sorry if any of that seemed overly nitpicky, but I wanted to (at least try) to make it clear on what I meant.

5941136

5944108

Time for more misunderstandings on Velvet's part that could easily be fixed with maybe two simple questions?

Sadly, though I don't really blame Velvet a lot since she's a little messed up emotionally and mentally. Now if she didn't have anything wrong with her, like say Pony Celestia, then she wouldn't have an excuse and deserve Pony Twilight just leaving to searcgh out Sunset on her own.

Finally! Thank Celestia Velvet's finally able to hear what (P)Twilight has really been saying rather then assuming that everything is Sunset's fault.

Eyup, she's finally figuring it out more though she's still worried how it will effect Pony Twilight if she let her hang around with Sunset not wanting to remind her of what happened.

Yep, lots of fun for everyone involved.

Celestia's lucky Sunset was in a decent mood

Huh, (H)Celestia definitely has the right idea here.

Deffinately

... You know (P)Celestia, I'm pretty sure the nobles can't possibly figure out Sunset is your actual daughter just because she refers to you as 'mom'. In fact you just adopted her from an orphanage, so even if she didn't call you 'mom' I'm pretty sure that there would need to be adoption forms signed that would clearly state that you are now legally her mother so why not just let Sunset at least think that she finally has a caring family now?

Nope, they can't, but Pony Celestia's messups knows no bounds sadly. If only she let Sunset be happy then none of this would have happened, but in the attempt to protect her image and keep Sunset from being manipulated by the nobles, she put events in motion for everything that happened.

... Wow okay, (P)Celestia is blind right? Because that is literally the only way she couldn't see that the reason Sunset started shutting herself in was completely her fault and not Sunset's! And then (P)Celestia had the gall to write her off as a lost cause and completely completely replace her with Twilight (Which even if Twilight had no control over her immense magic power and Celestia could tell that she was destined to become the Element of Magic, that still no excuse to leave Sunset behind altogether in favor of Twilight.) just because Sunset was trying to impress her mother figure in the only way she knew how?

Even in canon I kind of see Celestia as being blind, though admittedly I made it worse in this story. Even if Celestia had to show a lot of attention to Twilight to teach her to prevent any more power spikes, she still should have shown some attention to Sunset instead of brushing her off a lot. Once again it was something that would have prevented the things that happened so in the end what happened to both Sunset and Twilight I think can be largely blamed on Celestia.

Not really sure if they needed to know that last part Sunset.

Maybe not, do you think I should remove it? I was thinking about letting her tell them so they could help get Pony Twilight and Sunset together and encourage them, though maybe her telling them was a bad idea?

... Do I even need to say it at this point?

Probably not

From this paragraph alone I think (H)Celestia might actually be the smartest person in this story so far. Her line of thought about this mess is one that I think we can all agree on.

From this paragraph alone I think (H)Celestia might actually be the smartest person in this story so far. Her line of thought about this mess is one that I think we can all agree on.

I do like to think that human Celestia is a lot better than pony Celestia without the centuries of nobles and dealing with manipulations making her do the same in the end by conditioning her for it. Still, that isn't really an excuse for a lot of stuff she pulled, both in this story and canon.

5944216

Okay sorry for the really long comment but I just kinda got caught up in my train of thought towards the end.

I like long comments lol

Now as for how I felt about this chapter overall, I honestly think that most of the dialogue felt really stiff.

I'm going to be a little busy the next couple days, but I'll see if my GF will look over it some and make suggestions on how to fix it and maybe work on it some then I'll also work on trying to fix it some the best that I can when I get a chance these few days and if I don't I'll have a good part of the weekend to fix it up, Thnaks. (If you have any specific parts don't be afraid to tell me )

there's just something about how fast Velvet came to the realization that (P)Twilight was dreaming about Sunset getting hurt because of her, and not the other way around, that kinda bugs me.

Sorry, I was trying to show how smart and understanding Velvet can be when properly taking her meds, but I can see about changing it and maybe make the two talk some before realizing what happened.

And most of the dialogue in the scene in Sunset's room feels like forced exposition to me. I know that it was necessary to the story to have Sunset tell human Celestia and Luna about how she got into the human world, but something about how a lot of what she says just feels really forced to me and I can't pinpoint why that is. (Although I did really like how absolutely furious (H)Celestia was getting over all the stupid BS that her pony counterpart pulled on Sunset, so that part was fun.)

Sorry, I was trying to have Sunset tell them her story but I could see if I could make the dialouge more stiff, maybe add more responses from Celestia and Luna. Or I could skip it and just mention that they talked and Sunset's explained everything and try and point out how it made Sunset feel a little better seeing how angry human Celestia got over Pony Celestia's actions?

Sorry if any of that seemed overly nitpicky, but I wanted to (at least try) to make it clear on what I meant.

It wasn't nitpicky, it helped a lot. All I have time to do is (hopefully) answer all of my comments before I have to go, but as soon as I get a chance the next few days or the weekend at the latest, I plan to try and fix it up so thank you so much

5946963

Maybe not, do you think I should remove it? I was thinking about letting her tell them so they could help get Pony Twilight and Sunset together and encourage them, though maybe her telling them was a bad idea?

I think Sunset telling Tia and Luna on top of everything else she just explained wasn't a great idea. However, if you wanted her to tell them so they'd help her see Twilight, then there's nothing stopping her from telling them once she trusts them enough to keep it a secret. (Or whenever you think would be a good time, I just don't think telling them during the already big info dump was the right timing for them to learn that.)

5946979

Sorry, I was trying to have Sunset tell them her story but I could see if I could make the dialouge more stiff, maybe add more responses from Celestia and Luna. Or I could skip it and just mention that they talked and Sunset's explained everything and try and point out how it made Sunset feel a little better seeing how angry human Celestia got over Pony Celestia's actions?

I think having more responses from Tia and Luna would help the scene feel less expository and more like an actual conversation, but I'm not entirely sure. You could take the second option and cut the scene altogether and mention they talked later if you think that would be the better choice, but seeing as how I enjoyed watching how furious (H)Celestia got at her pony counterpart in real time, I vote for the first choice. (Again, you can go about this anyway you want.)

5948052

I think Sunset telling Tia and Luna on top of everything else she just explained wasn't a great idea. However, if you wanted her to tell them so they'd help her see Twilight, then there's nothing stopping her from telling them once she trusts them enough to keep it a secret. (Or whenever you think would be a good time, I just don't think telling them during the already big info dump was the right timing for them to learn that.)

We are going to write a lot of the chapter we think, especially that scene and have a possible good idea on how to do it, thanks

I think having more responses from Tia and Luna would help the scene feel less expository and more like an actual conversation, but I'm not entirely sure. You could take the second option and cut the scene altogether and mention they talked later if you think that would be the better choice, but seeing as how I enjoyed watching how furious (H)Celestia got at her pony counterpart in real time, I vote for the first choice. (Again, you can go about this anyway you want.)

We will be having Tia angry at her pony counterpart and show it for sure, but think we may do the flashback idea I sent you to hopefully make it better

5946963

Nope, they can't, but Pony Celestia's messups knows no bounds sadly. If only she let Sunset be happy then none of this would have happened, but in the attempt to protect her image and keep Sunset from being manipulated by the nobles, she put events in motion for everything that happened.

I think that you are looking at the problem too softly. Yes, nobles would try to manipulate Sunset. But at the same time griffons, dragons and other neighbours will look at her as at potential alicorn. Considering that main strength of Equestria is not guard but alicorns and bearers of Elements (which was not known) Sunset would simply be slain at any cost. And changeling invasion had shown that power of Equestria is it's alicorns clearly.

Loosing half of assassins to slay Sunset while she is still mortal and harm Celestia with death of her daughter? Such price will be payed eagerly, letting another alicorn to ascend is simply out of question for any slightly agressive neigboring ruler like some griffon overlord. How many of her children has Celestia already buried through centuries of her life? Sunset simply survived this long by being unknown and then she ruined everything by loudly proclaiming desire to become alicorn.

Celestia simply had to choose between burying another dead daughter and literally tearing out her heart and stomping on it by loudly removing Sunset from position of her student. And she made choise which turned very bad when Sunset escaped through mirror.

5956088 You know, I never looked at it that way before so maybe Celestia isn't really as bad as I thought. (Kind of funny as that's one of my main headcannons, but you bring up some points I just can't deny that makes so much sense in a way.) I can't believe I've been as hard on Celestia as I have been (though I still don't like a lot of the things that she has done) but those are reasons that would flesh out my head canon a lot more and make her reasoning a lot better at least. (Would you mind if I incorportaed that into my head canon as like I said it makes so much sense.)

5956235
You are free to use this idea any way you wish. And if you need my opinion at another strange deeds of Solar Goddess feel free to ask - I am currently writing a fanfic in my native language which is focused on the alicorns, so I had to think about lots of alicorn deeds to find reason behind them.

I admit this a mature story done pretty well. I really do feel for Pony Twilight and Sunset. One thing I'm wondering is if Pony Twilight's family (Or at least Shining Armor) and friends all make to the other side to find her and she lashes out at them for what happened in a Canterlot Wedding for it end in forgiveness and embrace or a between period for the anger and forgiveness.

Nice story

Is There going to be more love this story

Anymore to come?

Please continue this

next chapter please!

why u die!?!?

Please continue this!

6022523
Yes a section dealing with everyone finding out about the portal and twilight being gone for years would be great.