After a painful introduction to the human world shatters Twilight, all she wants to do is go home though she can't. Can her human family give her a reason to stay and be happy?
5875066 We will be working on the next chapter tomorrow, which will be based around Twilight and plan to try and use your advice some and see if we can't get it to flow better. If we can get it right we plan to possibly go back and rework some of the earlier chapters sometime when we finish the story. (Though my GF is really starting to wonder if she even wants to bother much as we are on the 7th chapter and the story seems to have more downvotes than upvotes which is getting her down some). I'm going to keep trying at least for awhile longer, though I don't want to cancel it.
“I don’t care, Luna. I don’t want my baby around that piece of trash! Caddie told me all about that girl being in charge of making Middy do those things!” Velvet snapped over the phone, once again refusing to listen to anything more.
I see that (H)Velvet isn't nearly as good at knowing who to lay the blame on for serious problems like this as (P)Velvet is.
“All I know is my baby girl is shattered and wants to go back to one of the people responsible!” Velvet hissed out before cutting the connection.
Although she does seem to be just as good at being furious at those that she deems to be 'the ones responsible' as (P)Velvet is.(Poor Sunset...) Also I see what you did there* Also Velvet, I don't know what Cadence told you regarding Sunset and what she'd done for Twilight, but it's very obviously not what you heard.
She was chained up and her clothes ripped off before…
Why would you rip off her clothes Tirek? I know she wouldn't be able to wear the lingerie anywhere because of the scars, but surely it would have been a better idea to remove them normally without damaging them so that they could be reused by one of the other girls.
“This huge guy took a whip with pieces of glass and nails in it and he beat her with it. I’m surprised she survived.”
Okay the nails I can understand, but pieces of glass? How would you even get them to stay attached to the whip?
It would be good if You guys kept up with this, it's an interesting and rather darkish perspective of what could have happened, probably it's just too dark of a spin for most people, but I'd guess some of us are interested where You'll take the story.
I'd say that not everybody is up to take their mind down the darker paths on what is happening in societies.
And do I feel right that it'll take a few more chapters before our two equestrians meet up again?
Though my GF is really starting to wonder if she even wants to bother much as we are on the 7th chapter and the story seems to have more downvotes than upvotes which is getting her down some
I'm really sad to hear that your GF is starting to get discouraged because of the number of downvotes. Hopefully the numbers will pick up soon now that we're (probably) through the worst of the problems Twilight and Sunset will go through, and at the very least there are still people like me who are enjoying this story so far.
I see that (H)Velvet isn't nearly as good at knowing who to lay the blame on for serious problems like this as (P)Velvet is.
Sadly she isn't, though she may be a bit better when Twily starts doing better.
Although she does seem to be just as good at being furious at those that she deems to be 'the ones responsible' as (P)Velvet is.(Poor Sunset...) Also I see what you did there*
Also Velvet, I don't know what Cadence told you regarding Sunset and what she'd done for Twilight, but it's very obviously not what you heard.
She can definitely be just as furious as the pony version, though sadly her mind latched onto the being 'responsible' part of Caddie's explanation and her mind twisted it to thinking Sunset was responsible for what happened to her. And with her shrink suggesting that its best to keep them seperated, Velvet is thinking the worse about Twily right now. Though that could change in the future (And yep, wanted to refrence the story's title )
Why would you rip off her clothes Tirek? I know she wouldn't be able to wear the lingerie anywhere because of the scars, but surely it would have been a better idea to remove normally without damaging them so that they could be reused by one of the other girls.
Tirek is definitely a monster, not really caring about having to buy more and likes to do things the dramatic way (as in what he did to Sunset's tablet). Maybe he will get to experience some of what he made them do when he's in prison
Okay the nails I can understand, but pieces of glass? How would you even get them to stay attached to the whip?
Sorry, I can go back and delete the glass bit. Kind of thought there was something about one of those whips with all the lashes being laced with different things like thorns, nails, and I thought glass used for torture, but I could be very wrong about that as I'm not really an expert on that stuff. (Really would be happy to leave the glass off if you think it would be best )
5875930 I hope that is and even if she does give up, which she isn't going to do right now, I plan to try and keep it going. I can understand why some people can be turned off by the content, but I really wish people would downvote the story because it wasn't written good or something other than because it's dark. (Really, I don't really understand that. I don't go around downvoting others stories because of their subject matter, I just simply don't read because it isn't my thing. But maybe I misunderstand the who upvote/downvote thing...)
I am glad that you are enjoying the chapter so far and yep it will be a few more chapters before Twily and Sunset meet up again sadly. But they will
Kind of thought there was something about one of those whips with all the lashes being laced with different things like thorns, nails, and I thought glass used for torture, but I could be very wrong about that as I'm not really an expert on that stuff.
You might be right, but still I'm wondering if the glass wouldn't just break and get stuck in whoever you're using the whip on. Yeah, It would definitely get the point across, but it just doesn't seem very practical to me. (Maybe leaving out the bit with the glass would be best. Without actually knowing if that is a thing that happens or not, all I can think of is the image of one of Tireks goons going through all the whips and slowly gluing glass shards to them.)
You might be right, but still I'm wondering if the glass wouldn't just break and get stuck in whoever you're using the whip on. Yeah, It would definitely get the point across, but it just doesn't seem very practical to me. (Maybe leaving out the bit with the glass would be best. Without actually knowing if that is a thing that happens or not, all I can think of is the image of one of Tireks goons going through all the whips and slowly gluing glass shards to them.)
You have a point, that would take them forever to glue it to each one so took out the glass, thank you
That was a beautiful chapter, I hope Sunset is able to move on and I loved the way Granny Smith guilt tripped Sunset into helping. I have one question if Luna knows about the portal is it possible to check it every day to see if by luck it might open early?
5875066 We will be working on the next chapter tomorrow, which will be based around Twilight and plan to try and use your advice some and see if we can't get it to flow better. If we can get it right we plan to possibly go back and rework some of the earlier chapters sometime when we finish the story. (Though my GF is really starting to wonder if she even wants to bother much as we are on the 7th chapter and the story seems to have more downvotes than upvotes which is getting her down some). I'm going to keep trying at least for awhile longer, though I don't want to cancel it.
I see that (H)Velvet isn't nearly as good at knowing who to lay the blame on for serious problems like this as (P)Velvet is.
Although she does seem to be just as good at being furious at those that she deems to be 'the ones responsible' as (P)Velvet is.(Poor Sunset...) Also I see what you did there*
Also Velvet, I don't know what Cadence told you regarding Sunset and what she'd done for Twilight, but it's very obviously not what you heard.
Why would you rip off her clothes Tirek? I know she wouldn't be able to wear the lingerie anywhere because of the scars, but surely it would have been a better idea to remove them normally without damaging them so that they could be reused by one of the other girls.
Okay the nails I can understand, but pieces of glass? How would you even get them to stay attached to the whip?
It would be good if You guys kept up with this, it's an interesting and rather darkish perspective of what could have happened, probably it's just too dark of a spin for most people, but I'd guess some of us are interested where You'll take the story.
I'd say that not everybody is up to take their mind down the darker paths on what is happening in societies.
And do I feel right that it'll take a few more chapters before our two equestrians meet up again?
5875809
I'm really sad to hear that your GF is starting to get discouraged because of the number of downvotes. Hopefully the numbers will pick up soon now that we're (probably) through the worst of the problems Twilight and Sunset will go through, and at the very least there are still people like me who are enjoying this story so far.
5875923
Sadly she isn't, though she may be a bit better when Twily starts doing better.
She can definitely be just as furious as the pony version, though sadly her mind latched onto the being 'responsible' part of Caddie's explanation and her mind twisted it to thinking Sunset was responsible for what happened to her. And with her shrink suggesting that its best to keep them seperated, Velvet is thinking the worse about Twily right now. Though that could change in the future (And yep, wanted to refrence the story's title )
Tirek is definitely a monster, not really caring about having to buy more and likes to do things the dramatic way (as in what he did to Sunset's tablet). Maybe he will get to experience some of what he made them do when he's in prison
Sorry, I can go back and delete the glass bit. Kind of thought there was something about one of those whips with all the lashes being laced with different things like thorns, nails, and I thought glass used for torture, but I could be very wrong about that as I'm not really an expert on that stuff. (Really would be happy to leave the glass off if you think it would be best )
5875930 I hope that is and even if she does give up, which she isn't going to do right now, I plan to try and keep it going. I can understand why some people can be turned off by the content, but I really wish people would downvote the story because it wasn't written good or something other than because it's dark. (Really, I don't really understand that. I don't go around downvoting others stories because of their subject matter, I just simply don't read because it isn't my thing. But maybe I misunderstand the who upvote/downvote thing...)
I am glad that you are enjoying the chapter so far and yep it will be a few more chapters before Twily and Sunset meet up again sadly. But they will
5876009
You might be right, but still I'm wondering if the glass wouldn't just break and get stuck in whoever you're using the whip on. Yeah, It would definitely get the point across, but it just doesn't seem very practical to me. (Maybe leaving out the bit with the glass would be best. Without actually knowing if that is a thing that happens or not, all I can think of is the image of one of Tireks goons going through all the whips and slowly gluing glass shards to them.)
5876039
You have a point, that would take them forever to glue it to each one so took out the glass, thank you
That was a beautiful chapter, I hope Sunset is able to move on and I loved the way Granny Smith guilt tripped Sunset into helping. I have one question if Luna knows about the portal is it possible to check it every day to see if by luck it might open early?
Big Mac is an idiot did he ever try to know sunset beyond the sex? Did he ask her if she wanted to?