My Dream...
Two weeks.
Two weeks of hiding in these caves. Struggling to grab some sustainment from the local fields. Staying out of sight like a common criminal. Licking my wounds.
Two weeks since those pesky strangers have destroyed the bud of my perfect dream, my flawless vision! And only because they could not see the greatness of it, the singularity of its perfection, stuck in their false, outmoded beliefs! Self-righteous paragons of... of this parody of true unity!
This lie!
They are blind! Equality is what we need to finally embrace our destiny, the true meaning of Friendship! What else would we desire? What else can we desire?!
What else but this ultimate state of balance, where Harmony can flourish without the danger of random, fortuitous talents causing us only... only misery and pain!
And our town, my town, was the prime example of what this vision could bring! Peace! Tranquility! Unrivaled and joyous serenity! Without competition, without judgmental stares left and right, without endless critique and boundless appraisal!
And now... now it’s ruined! Ruined!
Getting a little overdramatic, aren't we, Starlight Glimmer?
For a good reason! Months, years of planning, of preparing, of training! All for naught! All gone, because of that... that Princess Twilight Sparkle!
Oh, of course, of course... She is the source of your calamity. But is it really her fault?
I-it is! Why would that be questioned?
You blame a random, meddling pony for this failure, am I right? That pony is an alicorn and a Princess, obviously. But you did take her cutie mark, didn't you?
Yes, but—
You took her power, her strength, her special talent. You made her equal.
I di—
Shouldn't you be capable of overpowering her then? Ruining her scheme without a hassle? She was a talentless pony after all. And yet you were bested.
Wait, no, n-no! It wasn’t just her, it was that whole group of... dissidents! Recusants! Rebels without a cause, opposing the perfect society!
Ah, so you do believe that it’s indeed the group’s fault? So... their connection has granted them the means to defeat you, yes? Their friendship saved the day?
D-don’t be ridiculous! Their pitiful display of fraternity had no power! It’s not true friendship if it’s tainted by and bound by arbitrary cutie marks! It’s an abomination! A joke!
But you do acknowledge your defeat, am I right? Friendship or not, they have beaten you fairly and squarely.
...what?! No, no, I-I wasn’t defeated, my plans are merely suffering a-a setback!
“Setback”? Is that what you call starting from scratch – a “setback”? And here I thought you said that everything is ruined.
No! No, s-stop it, stop it! I will not listen to any of this!
Yes, you will. “Setback”, that’s rich! Aren't we indiscriminate, Starlight Glimmer...
I-I am indiscriminate! Yes, I am! I do not discriminate, right? So, I am indiscriminate! I accept everypony as equals, as long as they open their eyes to the truth!
So... indiscriminate and judgmental, hmm?
No! No, I am not judgmental! Not like the others!
Ah, yes, the mythical Others – the race of judges and pundits, waiting to comment on your every misstep, every blunder, just so they could express their dissatisfaction and have their twisted idea of fun.
But... but...
You are exactly like them, you know? Just think about it. Those that follow you are good. Those that oppose – bad. Simple, basic, evaluating logic, really. Then again, would you expect anything more complex from the likes of you?
You... you are wrong, it’s not simple! It’s very, very complicated. It requires of me to take their marks and retain mine until I can free all the ponies from their boundaries of talents! And I refuse to be compared to—
Face it, your parents were right.
...
You are a failure.
...no. No, I am not. I—
Just accept it, Starlight Glimmer. ”Open your eyes to the truth”, your own words. You say you were born with this talent, this incredible gift to harbor the cutie mark magic and...
...and...?
Exactly! “And...?” And nothing! Absolutely nothing! Despite your efforts, despite all those hours of reading, studying, practicing, you have achieved nothing at all!
That’s—
Naught! Nil! Zero! Your talent is not having a talent!
That’s not true!
Is it not now?! How come you were beaten even by “talentless” ponies then?
I—
What happened, Starlight Glimmer?!
I-it wasn’t my fault! I’ve tried my best!
As always. “Tried”. Never “done my best”.
Stop it! Stop twisting my words!
To prove my point I wouldn't even have to.
Y-you don’t understand!
I clearly don’t! Nopony has ever understood you, right? They could only evaluate you.
Y-yes! Yes, that’s what they were doing! Comparing me! Measuring me! All my life, they were but claiming that the bar is higher and higher, never believing that I could jump it! Never happy about my successes, always claiming others to be better than me!
Well, you were a recurring failure.
I wasn't! And I am not! I am not a failure!
No? What about those cards you and your “bestest friend” did for “Mother’s Day”? How old were you, six? You poured your heart into it, using all the colors, all the crayons! But, lo and behold, your work was rubbish in comparison. Hers was the talent to draw and her card was astonishing. Oh, it appeared like you did not care for yours at all, it was so inadequate in comparison. Your mother was heartbroken that evening after she saw the other, marvelous card...
S-stop, I don’t want to recall this!
And how about that one math test in primary school, do you remember that one? You got... 94 percent, correct? Nopony was better, not even that one colt, that childhood sweetheart of yours, who was storming through all the exams usually. And what did your father say?
He... he said...
Let me refresh your memory! “But it is his talent! You couldn’t have been better than him! You must have cheated, young lady!”
...he did say that...
Indeed. Another “friend”, another talent, another wound.
It... it hurts...
And, of course, the crown jewel of your incompetence! After all the struggles, all the perils, when you finally had your greatest chance to prove yourself. Your entry trials to Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.
N-no, don’t! Please, I don’t want to go through that again! Please!
One spot left, two little ponies. Starlight Glimmer and your alleged “newest friend”, Sunset Shimmer.
I-I beg you... stop...
You gave it your all. Your effort was heroic. And the professors were more than impressed. Your talent shone so brightly... but hers even more so.
...and... and she... She did not even...
“Sorry, Starlight. It’s a competition after all.”
...you...
Your father had such a cold voice, no? “You disappoint me, Starlight Glimmer. Again. I feel ashamed to have such a daughter.”
...enough...
And your mother, do you recall? “You should have known it was impossible, Starlight, others are simply better than you. Perhaps you could at least be a hairdresser and avoid living on skid row.”
Enough.
Oh, I am just getting started!
No! We are finished.
Never, Starlight Glimmer. Not until you show that you are worth anything at all!
Shut up!
I can’t shut up, foolish mare. I am you! And, just like your parents, I am disappointed to be burdened with such a worthless excuse of a pony!
Silence!
***
I punch the rock so hard I feel the bones in my foreleg bending and pain surging through my brain. I sit on the cold rocks, near my extinguishing campfire, as I feel tears filling my eyes. I grab my head, the anguished echo of the strike finally making my thoughts silent.
I am not useless. I am not a failure. I, Starlight Glimmer, am not a “worthless excuse of a pony”. It is they who are wrong, they who are always trying to compare me, show me that I am nothing. But their tyranny is at an end.
It doesn't matter that I have stumbled. It doesn't matter that some Princess opposes me. It is time for a new order to arise in Equestria and beyond. A new world, a better world. For all the ponies. A reality in which talents do not hold dominion over hearts and minds, putting us into an imaginary hierarchy.
A perfect world... An equal world that I am and will be the harbinger of, until everypony grows to share my vision.
And in that world without talents... I will finally mean something.
And nopony shall judge me anymore.
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Starlight basically in heavy denial. Is it sad I see a lot of people on earth feeling the same thing here?
5826800
There is indeed something to it, no?
This is... awesome!
5827076
Thank you kindly...
Great story, I like how you manage to put express Starlight thoughts on the subject of all the pressure that she had endured in the course of her foalhood from her parents and the constants and judgment in relation to cutemark.
5827084
Thank you, I was trying my best. Glad you find my story praiseworthy.
Is it wrong to say that I read the italics parts in Discord's voice, as though he was trying to ensure that Starlight wouldn't threaten Equestria again by Discording her?
5827148
Feel free to. Ultimately, we might never know if it's her own voice in her head... or perhaps it is somepony else...
This was nice to read. At first I found it a little bit too "crazy" to fit Starlight Glimmer (it sort of felt like her ideology was explained by a pathology), but then I remembered how she lost control of herself rapidly after her Cutie Mark was discovered (plus she locked ponies in a room without toilets).
I rolled my eyes when I arrived to the "parents always disappointed about the daughter who's trying hard to please them" part. Probably because I'd like to think that her ideas came from years of observation of the pony society, instead of a painful past. It could also be (and the two reasons are not incompatibles) because failure and parents' disappointment are sensitive subjects for me at the moment; it's hard to stay objective.
I also prefer to believe that she didn't do that just so she could mean something, but because she really believed that she was bringing true friendship to the ponies.
However, I was caught in her conversation with herself. I think it explained who she became quite well, I could even feel her pain (then again, I'm not totally objective, but who is?). It felt uncomfortable, but not irrational, her "other" self had good arguments, For those who might find the parents exagerated or too direct in their words, unfortunately, this could happen.
Oh yes. I couldn't put the finger on it, but I think I'm starting to understand why these words struck me. In a way, we're always comparing ourselves to others. As long as there will be differences, their will be comparisons. It might seem obvious, but I had to mention it.
Finally, special mention to Sunset Shimmer and her :
because she was terribly right.
Oh and...
Ew.
I can only hope that when we hear about Starlight Glimmer in future episodes her story will be just as ... deep as this one.
(I'm beyond words.)
5827262
I am happy to receive such thorough comments. They help me realize what parts were strong about my work and which ones perhaps need improvement. Thank you for the time and effort you put into evaluating my creation.
5827318
Thank you and, yes, I am too looking forward to learning more about Starlight.
5827323 You're very welcome, I enjoyed reading and commenting your story. I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I could probably have written more, but I had to restrain myself as these are busy times for me. There's nothing better than a nice story to read to take some pressure off though.
How did you make me actually feel bad for her?!
I would love to see maybe some future chapters in which she returns to further her vision, driven only by the voice in her head
5827371
:takes a bow:
5827379
Depending on my schedule and readers support for this piece, I might consider it.
5827384 I would love to see it in the future
5827379 that would be cool.
5827480 agreed comrade
I could see Starlight having a conversation like this in her mind. It's a fine story and quite well-written.
To go into it a little deeper: Dinnaria touched on something important by saying a basic pathology might not completely explain SG's actions, as this story implies. The crux of 'The Dream of Equality' is Starlight's own secret belief that she is weak and worthless, that the dream is a lie and deep down she knows it.
That's a very compelling possibility and the story explores it well, but my view is somewhat different. Starlight is not weak, nor is she simply in denial. She is clearly a hypocrite with a troubled past and sociopathic tendencies, and her methods are abhorrent--THAT I agree with.
But as Lulu said in Final Fantasy X, "when weak people are driven, they can't go very far before they break." For Starlight to take such drastic steps, there has to be more driving her than a simple inferiority complex and fear of failure. Many of us struggle with those same issues and self-destructive thoughts, but we don't start up authoritarian cults. And that extra something that takes her down this dark path is genuine conviction. She truly believes in her philosophy and that its ends justify the means.
5827167 Considering how she managed to manipulate Fluttershy into joining her cause, I'd say he'd take a certain dark pleasure into going back to his old ways to deal with her...
5827639
I hope the show will explore her past a bit more for us, to reveal her true motivation. And that it shall be something that will cause us to ponder on how one's life can be full of twists and turns. My view of her is based on the notion that there are some wounds, sometimes perhaps even considered "superficial" by others, that can rot and fester until they lead to abhorrent and vicious ideas and deeds.
A mental scar obtained in earlier stages of life can have tremendous effects on the development of our character. And masks of arrogance, self-praise and conviction can hide absolutely broken people. And yet they can cling to their ways with surprising strength, to their ideas with unyielding confidence, because they are their last hope. Because if those are ever taken away...
Thank you for your time and effort put into evaluating my story...
I actually empathize with Starlight here. She wasn't trying to take over th world, or enslave anyone. Rather she was trying to create a utopia based of equality. The problem with that is you eliminate what makes people or ponies special.
See just because there is conflict and even though people fight thats okay. As long as you do so respectfully and don't go to far. Look at the main 6 each of them is totally different and yet theirs a certain...Harmony.
5830529
And yet something made Starlight believe otherwise. Let us hope that the rest of the season shall explain her motive.
5831115 Here's hoping :)
That's heartbreaking. Poor Starlight!
I really love these fan-created back stories. Thank you for writing this one.
5842576
It's a pleasure. Glad you've liked it.
This actually makes sense and is written beautifully. I cried.
5890297
I'll take those tears as a great compliment. Thank you.
Fascinating story！
well...Could you please authorize me to translate your article into Chinese and put it on website? I will appreciate for your approvement, and the orginal authorship will be clearly stated.
5931387
Why, it shall be a pleasure and an honor. I shall send you a private message about it too...
Ohohoho 4 for 4, look at you
Well, this does explain a lot of her drive. Nicely done.
8543736
Yeah, an old concept of mine, trying to give her a bit more motivation than just the "oh, my friend got a cutie mark and was not my friend anymore".
The show is not handling villainous reasons too well.
Still I wonder where her insane determination comes from
8883491
Desperation can be a perennial motivator.
8884190
The question about desperation is "motivator for doing what?". What happened with her is enough by far to pummel basically anyone into learned helplessness. Either she had quite a history of being rewarded for determination somewhere else offscreen, or she's a some kind of extremely rare genetic freak
Hmm. An interesting take on Starlight Glimmer's motivations before we really got a chance to see her not-so-evil-self after she was reformed. Though perhaps it is a bit garish of me to repeat the words of others, it honestly reminded me of these two quotes. "The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice." and "We are our own worst critic."
9676426
It was a spur-of-the-moment tale after the episodes aired, yes. I wanted to give her a more complex motivation than what, I feared, the show would do.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.