It would've been an amazing day, if only I'd stayed away from that shady vendor. (standard displaced fic. this is my first story, sorry if it isn't good. rated T for swearing.) *takes place after season 4*
Chapters (21)
- Member Since 24th Mar, 2014
- offline last seen Wednesday
UsurperBronyZant
My God had only one wish...to merge Shadow and Light, and make Darkness!
UsurperBronyZant
Joined 24th Mar, 2014 ·
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Great chapter. Can't wait to see how this meeting will go. Will Zant become friend or enemy to the ponies?
5766080 Thanks! glad you enjoyed!
Neeed more now!!
5770074 lol I'm glad you approve!
5770099 Hehe, yep!
Damn. This changes everything.
5795482 I suppose it does sir
Great chapter. Hope to read more soon.
5809595 thank you sir!
and with any luck I'll have another one up within a week!
Oh!
Marvel Universe, Ben 10, Zelda, DBZ. what's next?
5810618 it's gonna mainly be Zelda, but there will be some other things later on in the story
5810618 And what was the Marvel you saw? I don't remember putting any in there
5827921 It's complicated...
5830295 ooookay...
Seeing as I thought to myself 'Dun dun dun' after reading this I'm gonna say yes.
Your doing it right. Can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the great work.
5833122
5833097
yaaaay I'm doing it right!
You really need to edit your chapters so that every time somebody else speaks, you start a new paragraph. It's really, REALLY annoying trying to figure out if somebody else is speaking or if the same person is speaking. Could you please go through your chapters and fix that?
5876462 Well it would be a lot better if I actually HAD A PREREADER...
I will try to do it when I find the time. Right now I still have tons of homework to do, not to mention another SAT and exams looming over the horizon. I'll try to make that edit when I find the time, but please remember that I HAVE NO PRIOR EXPERIENCE WITH THIS SORT OF THING.
5878330 Derr... Just a suggestion, but maybe you could press enter every time you end a quote/a quote withe a paired action/etc. I mean, I still haven't gotten my own proofreader, hell I'm still waiting for a response from a guy that offered to edit for me... More specifically the original writer of the fic that I'm writing a fan-sequel to. I've done really well without his help so far, minus a few accidental POV changes (not used to writing in the first person D:). Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to read your fic. I've not actually read it yet, I'm running off of what the Benevolentdarkness guy said. Anyway...
5880692 do enjoy it good sir
5880769 I just finished. I can DEFINITELY see where Benevolentdarkness found the err in your story. It's not bad, but it does rush things a bit. It also needs more paragraph indentations. WAY more paragraph indentations. Like, every time you commence dialogue, and you change character, the change needs to be introduced by starting a new paragraph. I had several occasions where I had to reread a small part because I got cknfused on who said what. This is a story, not an essay. One sentence paragraphs are ok, even if they're only because you changed who was speaking across them.
5880935 thank you for pointing this out and clarifying the issue. it's probably like that because I have never written a story before. like, at all. and if things get a bit rushed, it's probably because I couldn't think of any other way to proceed with the chapter. I think I need to take a break from actually posting chapters and plan the whole story out, cuz right now I'm just YOLO-ing my way through the whole thing. anyway, thank you for pointing this out sir. if I can find the time to do so I will go back and attempt to do something about the indentations.
i am very sleepy right now, but i am sure i like it.
cool, i never heard them heard talking in english i believe.
i think i know what an Interlud is, but to be sure i would like an explanation again.
I don´t know why, but i don´t like this werid version of Ben Ten, i don´t know him really good, but i don´t find him likeable (i hope the sentence is correct) Zant is okay, but the other guy somehow looks to badass, for my preference, and because of the first impression, he is even not talking nice to his son.
You don´t have to tell me, that he like his son, and such things because i already know this, but he wasn´t really likeable for me.
I don´t know, i like shantae, but i have to get used to those fanfictions, with suddenly 3-6 different Crossovers.
Okay, somehow i am glad that she wasn´t a Hero this time, and probably Chrysalis, or at least a Changeling.
I don´t know what i should think about it sometimes, but your story is a good one.
Scratch that, your story is good, there are only a few things i didn´t liked at first sight.
5897635 Okay. First of all, it's not really Ben 10, it's just a random guy with an omnitrix. As for his relationship with his son, I have no idea--those chapters were a crossover with a fic that isn't even out yet because it's a sequel to one that was just completed. Second of all, an interlude is defined as an intervening period of time, according to Google. I'm glad you like the story so far and I hope you'll stick around to see where I wind up going with it!
If I noticed it right, they are still in townhall yes? I only have read a part of it, sometimes I don´t warm up to some Crossovers.
6753496 It starts in town hall. They end at the entrance to a temple.
I believe a universe was made because of this chapter where Jason and Zant explore the dungeon ,beat the boss, pull torch. Repeat.
6969355 umm wut?
Okay, so...the Changeling assassin, who has tried to murder the Princess of Friendship and Zant...twice, just got given enough love to make her even more powerful? I can appreciate forgiveness, but I mean, should really get some form of proof of loyalty before you just give them something like that. Your back is well prepared for its stabbing.
Anyways, Cult of Nightmare that wants to harm Twilight, huh? So...that means we can expect Nyx in the future, right?
7664886 Perhaps. I've been meaning to get back to this story, but I've kinda lost my muse...I gotta find some inspiration...thanks for reading and commenting tho!
7669186 I know how that feels. Rewatching/playing the source material tends to work for me.
7669606 might work. thanks for the suggestion!
7670851 Listening to music from the source works as well. I have a playlist with a mix of music from MLP and RWBY to help me write my story.
7670869 also helpful! Thanks for all the advice!
Holy Celestial hoof grenade I forgot about this story. Then suddenly BAM in a huge explosion of 1172 words comes a chapter. I tip my hat to you good sir.
Hey, an update! I was hoping to get one, but I didn't think I'd get one this quickly!
Don't want more enemies? Don't manhandle and threaten someone unprovoked...
I think I remember why I stopped reading his story.
7671584 Glad you like it! It certainly took me long enough, but now I think I can get back into it (maybe)!
7672211 Well, you certainly helped speed things along!
7672268 Jason is a bit of a prick. A prick with the best intentions, but a prick nonetheless.
Especially considering the first time he attacked someone unprovoked, Don poisoned a bunch of Displaced against him (Wade, for example).
7672367 I'm glad my ideas helped! I love these stories, they're just so much fun. It's nice knowing I helped you get the ball rolling a little faster!
I was about to give up hope and stop following this story.
7673294 Then I suppose it's a good thing I posted that chapter when I did!
Decent job for a first fic its pretty good if you need someone to bounce ideas with message me please
Thanks cool take on my idea
7956659 glad you like!