The Usurper King of Equestria

by UsurperBronyZant

In Which a Search Begins

*Location: Ponyville Town Hall, Ponyville, Equestria, Equus, approximately 30 minutes after the assassination attempt...*

I was with Lilium in the Town Hall waiting area. We were waiting for Twilight to finish talking with the Mayor about what had happened at Twilight's castle. They'd been talking for a while, but neither of us had heard anything. I'd unequipped my helmet by that point and was anxiously pacing, Lilium was just sitting in one of the stiff chairs. Neither of us had said a word. I couldn't tell what was going through her mind, but she kept her gaze fixed on the bit of floor right in front of her chair. Before Twilight had gone in with the Mayor, she'd led us to the single small, cold jail cell under the Town Hall and we'd locked the changeling in and slipped a magic-inhibiting ring on its horn.

Waiting was always the hard part. We were obviously concerned, given the fact that someone had tried to KILL TWILIGHT, and given what we knew, they were most likely sent by Ghirahim and his pals in the Cult of Nightmare. And since we were just sitting here, waiting for something to happen, that meant we were wasting time while Ghirahim could be cooking up more plots and plans to kill Twilight, or maybe the other princesses!

Once I had calmed down and stopped pacing, I had decided to kill the time by brushing up on my offensive spells. I was just getting to the part about cryomancy when suddenly what appeared to be a deactivated Halo energy sword popped into existence just above my book, and fell onto it with a solid thunk. Curious, I picked it up, and felt the familiar sensation of a message playing in my head. "It's a sword not a fighter jet! No but in all seriousness, if you ever need someone to hack into technology or just talk or fight, summon me, Epsilon-Church."

Given that there was an assassin in the basement and we were most likely going to have to start a manhunt (or rather, marehunt) I figured now would be as good a time as any to summon some help. I focused my will on the energy sword and thought, “Hey Church, can ya give me a hand with a marehunt, and maybe an interrogation?”

A portal opened a few feet in front of me, giving off a similar feeling as the one that had brought me Jason and Elusive. Sure enough, it spat out a figure that looked like he was from Halo, but I couldn't be sure since I hadn't gotten too far in Halo 4 and this armor didn't look familiar.

After Lilium and I looked the armored man(?) over for a moment, I finally decided to speak.

“So you’re Church, then? Nice armor. Can’t say I recognize it though. What is it?”

A strained groan came from Church, “Ask questions later…” He took off his helmet, revealing fresh-looking third-degree burns. “Can't maintain AI form…”

Lilium and I cringed at the sight of his injuries. “That does NOT look good…” I said to myself. “Anything we can do to help?” I asked.

Church tried to get up but as soon as he applied pressure to his hands he screamed in pain. “Oh god…That splinter cannon isn't a joke…Yeah. I-I know what you can do…can you heal burns?”

I cursed inwardly. Healing was that one pesky aspect of magic I hadn’t gotten into yet. I sighed and said, “Unfortunately no, BUT I can teleport over to my place and grab some magic healing stuff. Not sure how well it works, but the locals say it’s great for life-threatening injuries.”

“Go ahead, I can't use the warp with these injuries…The whole lower half of my body is melted an entire layer down…”

Again I cringed. “Be right back then,” I said quickly.

Church waved me away desperately, looking like his burns were starting to get infected. “Hurry!”

I imagined myself in my house, in the bathroom where the heavy-duty drugs were kept, and as usual, I teleported away with a *psoooom* followed by a flurry of particle effects.

*Location: My house, Ponyville, Equestria, Equus, Now…*

*pssm!*

I tore open the medicine cabinet and scrambled to find the stuff to cure Church. They had to be here somewhere…

After about half a minute I’d made a mess of the countertop and the medicine cabinet was almost empty. Finally my eyes settled on one of the few containers remaining in the cabinet. The liquid inside looked almost like maple syrup, and it faintly glowed. The label had only the word NECTAR printed on it in some of the neatest script I’d ever seen.

Knowing that this must’ve been it, I grabbed it and teleported back to Church and Lilium.

*psoooom…*

*Location: Town Hall, Ponyville, Equestria, Equus, Now…*

*pssm!*

I turned to Church to see him flickering for some reason. “Okay, that CAN’T be good,” I thought to myself.

“Here it is!” I said quickly as I handed him the bottle.

He stared at me incredulously, then asked, “Is this honey? I mean, is it?”

My face, as well as Lilium’s, went deadpan. Then, with a tone matching my expression, I said, “Dude. This stuff is brown and has the consistency of water. Also, IT FUCKING GLOWS. Do any of those seem like traits of honey to you?”

“Yes,” He said as he opened the container and did something that would creep most out. He closed the container and ate it.

“...” I was at a loss for words. I’d overheard some of the ponies at my housewarming party mention how hard that stuff was to come by. Needless to say, Church’s actions brought several emotions to the forefront of my mind.

“...Do you have any idea how rare that shit is?” I asked him, the tension in my voice palpable.

“Hmm…Nope,” He said in a bubbly voice.

“THAT SHIT IS RESERVED FOR ALICORNS,” I said very loudly. It wasn’t quite shouting, more like talking very loudly with barely suppressed rage.

Suddenly Church started flickering faster than I could blink until a ghost-white spectral-looking projection came to life above his body right as the body became a corpse. “Whew. I forgot how good this feels,” He said in a more electronic-sounding voice.

I sighed, doing my best to calm myself. “At least you’re not dying anymore. And it only took a few DOZEN DOSES of the shit that alicorns use to bring themselves back from the brink of death!”

“Uh...about that. I am dead.” He pointed to the corpse in armor that obviously wasn't breathing.

“And THAT is why you don’t drink the booze of the gods!” I said rather loudly.

“Are you monotheistic? Because I don't want to have a religious conversation,” Church retorted.

“I was before I came here,” I said. “Not so sure now.”

Church coughed awkwardly before looking at his armored corpse. He then walked into it and stood up in the armor again as he put on his helmet. I finally noticed the ONI symbol on the armor.

“ONI, huh?” I said. “Fancy. I guess if you can just use the armor like that it all works out. I WAS gonna offer to make you a new body, but I guess I don't have to now.”

“There is something you need to know then. I am NOT and never will be a person. I am just an AI. Sorry. I don't know why I said that…” Church sat down.

“Don't worry about it,” I said. “And you don't have to be human to be a person. You just have to have a heart and soul.”

“Who do you want?” Church asked abruptly.

“I beg your pardon?” I asked, surprised at the sudden change of topic.

A small portal opened next to Church and he pulled out a modified sniper rifle. “You know what I mean. Who is the HVT?”

Suddenly I remembered. “Oh yeah, the marehunt!” I exclaimed. “Well, long story short, a changeling assassin tried to kill Twilight, Lilium and I caught her in the act, and now we're trying to find the mare she was disguised as. We tried to contact her but were unable to do so.” I used my magic to conjure a hologram of the mare in question. The image looking exactly like her, save the blood-red outline. “Here name is Desert Gem. She's half unicorn, half genie. That's all we know, other than her appearance. I think I overheard someone say she lived near Saddle Arabia or something. I'm not sure. But yeah, that's the gist of it. Any questions?”

“Delta. Do you have a file?” A green hologram projected itself next to Church.

“Yes. But it is not enough to completely tell me what I need to know. Too bad.”

“Hey! Don't be an ass! This is all they know.” Delta’s projection faded as Church turned back to the duo. “Time to go ruffle some feathers.” He said in a thick British accent as he slid the rack back on his sniper rifle, eliciting a loud clank.

“In what way?” I asked, wondering what he meant.

“Oh. That was a Unit 13 reference. Just a PlayStation Vita game.” Church said with a shrug.

“Ah, gotcha,” I said. “Yeah, I never had one of those. Always stuck to a DS or 3DS myself.”

“Sucks for you. I had an Xbox One and everything. So, where are we going? And I'm not going to question your silence,” He said as he pointed to Lilium, “Story is never worth it.”

“thank you,” she said quietly.

“And before you answer my question, you don't even know who I am do you? That should make things interesting.”

“No, I know who you are,” I said. “I saw all of Red vs. Blue. You're Church, specifically Epsilon.”

“Do we really have time for this?” A voice that Church now found annoying, Tex.

“She had a point,” I said. “We should get going. I can use my magic to scan for her, but we need some way to triangulate or something, and I'm not that good yet. Do you have anything?”

“Is that a serious question?” He asked me.

“Well, considering I don't know what you can do with that armor, yes,” I replied, a hint of snark working its way into my voice.

“Wait hold up, you think I'm only going to use my armor?” Church asked in confusion. “Nope. But that is for later.” He unholstered his magnum and held it out to me.

“Thanks but no thanks,” I said. “My magic is more than enough.”

“For infinite ammo and auto fire?” He asked incredulously.

“Actually yes,” I replied. “I have so much of it and I can pump out quite a few small, lethal projectiles in a small amount of time.”

“Where are we right now?”

“Ponyville Town Hall,” I replied.

Church suddenly pulled the magnum away from me and fired once at the floor, creating a crater about a foot wide and a foot deep. “You sure?” He asked.

“Well, I was, considering we were waiting here for about half an hour for the Mayor and Twilight to finish talking, but given what you just said I'm not so sure anymore.”

Church groaned, “I never should have left my Quantum Pelican behind…”

“Well now that you've said that I'm sure we're still in the Town Hall,” I said. “ And I do have a mode of transportation. I'm just not sure if he can carry that armor of yours. The new body I had in mind for you was capable of extended sustained flight at high speeds if that helps.”

“Don't expect me to be friendly to the planet,” As he said that he sliced a hole in the air with his fists and started pulling out jetpacks from it, “No. Old Reach version. Nope. Nooo. Yes! Found it!” He ignored the pile on the ground as he fitted the pack on his back.

“Ooooooh, jetpack!” I said, intrigued. “But how long can it keep you up for?”

Church showed me his jetpack which had the meta symbol on it, “Forever. But not those ones.” He pointed to the jetpacks on the ground. “This is the jetpack from the Red Vs Blue Sarcophagus heist.”

“Ah, now I see,” I said. “Well, my offer to conjure you a new body still stands. I think it would be an upgrade, really.”

“I would explain why I don't need another one but that is a lengthy conversation. I still can't believe the pelican has that room… creepy.”

“Oooooooooookay, probably better if I don't ask about that,” I said. “But yeah, we should get going. My ride will meet us outside.”

“I mean, I could just force the memories into your mind but you would probably be hospitalized.” He said bluntly.

“Yeah no thanks. Anyway, shall we be off?” Right as I said that, Church's jetpack decided that now would be the perfect time to activate. All I saw was a blur as I heard a loud crash and a new hole formed in the ceiling.

“Shit,” I said under my breath as Lilium and I hurried out the door to see if Church was okay.

*Location: Ponyville Town Square, Ponyville, Equestria, Equus, Now…*

What I saw will forever be engraved into my mind. Church was being flung through the air by his jetpack while he screamed curses and randomly shot his sniper rifle in the air.

“Having a bit of trouble, are we?” I shouted to him.

“I forgot to turn off the glitchmode!”

“Why is that even a thing?!” I asked, dumbfounded.

After a moment, he finally turned off glitchmode and flew down to us. “Holy shit. If I was in a body I would probably have died from dizziness. Ergo, I am only annoyed.“ Church bemoaned.

“Well, now that the crisis is over, shall I summon my dragon friend?” I asked.

“Oh fuck. You didn't say dragon did you? Dragons from most of the multiverse hate me.”

“...do I wanna know?”

“I may have blown up the wrong planet. Yeah. That is my excuse and I'm sticking to it!”

“Be that as it may, he's my best option in terms of travel at the moment. So, I'm afraid you’ll have to get along.”

“If he scratches my armor…” He left that sentence hanging.

“Don't worry about it, I'll keep him under control. And even if he tried, don't you have energy shields?”

“Shut up.” Church retorted smartly.

“Im’a call him,” I said. I extended my telepathy outward and said, “Argorok, come. I require your assistance.”

Immediately the sky was filled with the sound of leathery wing beats and clanking armor. Argorok came in fast, but slowed on approach until he was just over the square. His wings slowed and he gently landed.

“How may I serve you, master?” He asked.

“Lilium and I need a ride,” I answered. “We have a missing mare to find.”

Not needing any words, Argorok knelt down so that Lilium and I could climb onto his back. Lilium used her vectors to get on, while I simply teleported onto the space just above him, landing in a sitting position.

Once we were all settled, Argorok asked, “Do you know where we must go, master?”

“Yeah, that would be good to know,” Church snarked.

“Gimme a sec,” I said to them both. I called on a good portion of my power and readied my radar spell. I sent out a large pulse, not bothering to make it invisible so as to conserve magic. In a couple of seconds, it came back to me.

I felt several sentient beings fairly close to me--most likely the inhabitants of Ponyville. A bit farther on, I felt a single mind, probably Zecora. After that, I got an even bigger cluster than Ponyville--Canterlot, most likely. Finally, at what would be the very edge of the pulse’s readings, about twenty miles out or so, I got a reading. It was a strange mind, containing some unicorn magic, but also a strange magic I’d never felt before. The mind was also faint somehow, almost as though it were comatose.

“Did you find Sarah Connor?” Church joked nonchalantly in a perfect Arny voice.

I chuckled a bit, and then said, “No, but I do believe I found our mare. She’s pretty far off. Twenty miles thataway,” I said, pointing in an arbitrary direction, “which would put her somewhere on the border of the Everfree Forest and the Badlands. Not a very nice place to be, regardless of whether you’re there of your own free will.”

“I knew it was a good idea to make my own version of the NSA!” Church exclaimed cheerfully until he saw my confused and slightly horrified expression. “What?” he asked.

I started to say something and then stopped myself, knowing it would be pointless to ask. “Let’s just go,” I said.

With that, Argorok roared fiercely, I equipped my helmet, and we took off in the direction I had indicated. But Church hadn't taken off yet. I thought he was waiting for something until suddenly his jetpack screamed loud enough to be heard for miles as he rocketed off in the direction we were heading.

By the time he’d taken off, Argorok had already reached a pretty good speed, but Church caught up to us and matched our speed easily. We slowly accelerated, and the entire time, Church kept pace with us. It only went to show the quality of the technology he had at his disposal. After some time, we made it to our destination.

“Detecting hostile lifeforms,” Delta said.

“Shut up, you’re just paranoid from that time we went to a planet full of Terminators,” Church retorted.

“We’ll see once we land.” We immediately saw a good clearing and decided to set down there. Lilium and I hopped off Argorok, and Church set down beside us. The time had come for the marehunt to begin.

Author's Note:

I'M NOT DEAD YET!!!
Sorry this took so long! I took way longer than I should have on this. I tried to update this, really I did. I just didn't know how to proceed. I read all of LostFaith's first displaced fic, and fav'd it, and he noticed, and one thing led to another and here we are. There's a lot more of this crossover to come. It's a crossover with his second Displaced fic featuring Church. It's called The Memory of Leonard Church. There's not much to it yet, but I have a strong feeling hijinx will ensue.

I will post the next part of this crossover in a few days!

Comments

[Texus]

If I noticed it right, they are still in townhall yes? I only have read a part of it, sometimes I don´t warm up to some Crossovers.