I instantly knew what was going on here. Somehow the changeling had gotten loose, and perhaps her use of Desert Gem’s form was suppressing the signature of the real Desert Gem.
“Déjà vú,” Church said.
“Tell me about it,” I said. I remembered a spell I’d learned not long ago. Twilight had used it on the changeling before, and I’d asked her how it worked for future reference. This was an excellent time to practice it.
I cast the remove-guise spell on ‘Desert Gem,’ and it did exactly what it was supposed to: reveal, and paralyze, the changeling assassin that had been about to impale me. The same one that had been locked in the jail cell under Ponyville Town Hall a few hours ago.
“Hey, I have just the thing for you. They used to do this to Queens in hives I visited who were traitors. That is If you don't speak.” The bug’s eyes widened.
“Or,” I said, “you could grab her, stick her in the void for a second or so, pull her out, and absorb her. Or just leave her there.”
“I don't know. I have an alliance with Changelings. I quite like them. But you. You should have stayed in your cell.”
“Truer words have never been spoken,” I said. I conjured up chains with heavy metal balls at one end and shackles at the other. Four of them, one for each of her hooves. I also conjured a magic-inhibitor ring, which went on her horn.
“So, say something. You obviously aren't a drone. Oh no, you are an infiltrator.” Church said as he stomped on the ground threateningly, a few feet from the infiltrator’s face.
“If you won’t talk willingly, we’ll make you,” I threatened. “It’s amazing what one can do with a large amount of liquid metal, a vast supply of dark magic, and psychic arms that can cut through most metals.” Lilium looked at the infiltrator murderously.
The infiltrator spoke in a language that I didn’t understand. Church apparently did though.
“She says fuck off,” Church relayed. The changeling looked horrified.
I equipped my helmet, then conjured a scimitar in one hand and readied a dark magic salvo in the other. I hefted the scimitar and pretended to examine the salvo before turning to the traitor and saying, “Wanna try that again?”
“Okay! Okay! You win!” Church looked at her in confusion.
“You realize I will be able to tell if you are lying by pupil dilation, body temperature, heart rate and your voice right?”
The infiltrator nodded rapidly.
“Tell them why you are here. And since I know your hive or group won't let you back after this...One of us is going to protect you.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of that last bit, but I kept my weapons at the ready just in case. I looked around to scan for wildlife, but everything seemed to be giving us plenty of space. Even so, I could see some glowing eyes at the edge of the clearing. I fired off the salvo just short of them to keep them from doing anything annoying. The eyes disappeared after that. I looked at the changeling and said, “Talk.”
The infiltrator nodded, “Fine. But only will I go with one of you if the one that guards me understands changeling custom.”
“Sure, whatever. Just talk, before one of us gets bored and decides to do something we’ll regret,” I said impatiently.
I felt a pain in my chest suddenly, Church had just flicked me in the chest, “Show some respect. You have no idea what her hive will do. Anyway, you should explain your mission.”
“My hive,” she began, “We’d been starving for so long. The Queen, she said we didn’t have any food, no love, at least, not enough to keep us going. Our meals were strictly rationed. The Queen had full control of our food stores. I saw so many changelings get thinner and thinner. Some just...faded away until they were nothing more than an empty carapace. Some grew depressed and committed suicide. The children...it was the worst for them.” She stopped for a moment to suppress a tear.
“Who was your queen?” Church asked as softly as his robotic voice would allow.
“Queen Apocrita,” said the infiltrator, rage filling her voice.
“Wait a minute. I remember a Queen named that. Iron-hoof dictator right?”
“Precisely,” said the now-enraged bug. “I was the best infiltrator in the hive, and there was a reason for that. One day I followed some member of the castle staff into an area that was off-limits to the rest of the hive. Turns out there wasn’t a food shortage after all! The Queen had just been keeping it all to herself! When I saw this, I vowed that I would exact vengeance upon Queen Apocrita for all she’d done. I tried to kill her, but the guards threw me out of the hive before I could even start. Turns out I wasn’t as sneaky as I’d thought.”
“You could be the new Queen. You know that right? You just need the...resources.” Church gave a weird laugh, considering how staticy it was.
The infiltrator’s story put everything into perspective. I understood her story, and if Church was anything to go by, it seemed to be true. But there was still one thing that confused me. “So why exactly did you try to kill Twilight? And myself?” I asked.
The infiltrator sighed and said, “After I was kicked out, I just...wandered for a while. Eventually I made it to the old castle in the forest. I was so hungry. I met a creepy gray stallion, and he gave me concentrated love--some of the best food a changeling can have. He said if I killed you or that pony princess he’d give me more. When you intervened, I knew the princess would be too well-guarded, so I decided to try to catch you unawares.”
“Well, here is the thing. Never underestimate your opponent. To kill the unknown…wait for the right time, examine their vulnerabilities. And kill them using these vulnerabilities.” Church noticed the horrified stares coming from everyone, “What? It is common sense.”
There was just one more thing I needed to know. “What’s your name?” I asked the changeling. I couldn’t just keep calling her ‘the changeling’ or ‘the infiltrator’ or ‘the bug.’
“Not all changelings have names like we do Zant. And when they do, most of the time it is to blend in.” Church lectured.
“He’s right,” she said. “I was never given a name.”
“Well fuck that shit. Would you like one?” I asked her.
“Um...Zant. You have no idea how disrespectful that was to ask.” Church said as he crumpled to the floor laughing hard at her horrified expression.
I suddenly felt very much embarrassed. “No, Church, no I don’t. I know nothing about changeling culture. They’re very reclusive in this universe, so other than the whole wedding incident, they haven’t been seen very much.”
"If she had liked her queen... What you just did would be ten times more disrespectful. From what I know, it is an honor for a changeling to be given a name. And well… I think you see the problem here. We aren’t even changelings.”
“Oh. Yeah. Sorry,” I said, very much embarrassed. If my helmet hadn’t been hiding my face, I’m sure everyone present would have seen me blushing, even in the low light.
“N-no,” the changeling stuttered. “I-I’d like a name. I always wanted one, and I still do, even if it’s a bit unorthodox to get one from...whatever you are.”
“I was thinking of Nosferatu…” Church said with a shrug.
“How about we don’t name her after old movie monsters?” I asked sarcastically. “Perhaps...Rhyssa?”
Church started laughing so hard I swear the ground started shaking. The rest of us ignored him.
The changeling seemed to consider this for a moment before saying, “Y-yes. Rhyssa. I like that.”
“I'm sorry! It's just you said an obscure reference from a movie in the 2830s!” Church gave an unmanly giggle.
“I wasn’t trying to…” I said.
“I just realized something. We have a human, a changeling, a diclonius, the memory of my daughter and one badass over here!” Church yelled.
“I was human,” I corrected. “Now I’m a Twili.”
“That doesn't matter. At least you exist,” Church retorted.
“You exist,” I said. “You just haven’t become corporeal yet. But if you really learn how to use that body, you can.”
“Oh and I have news. The real Desert Gem? Showing no vitals. Either dead or in some kind of stasis.”
“Fuck,” I muttered. “We’d better get going. Rhyssa, you wanna come with?” I said to everyone.
“Stop looking at me like you expect me to have a problem with this.” Church said as he saw everyone looking at him inquisitively.
“I’m sorry Dad but we cannot stay for much longer. At this point I would expect a large response to your disappearance,” Amor said
“Wait, before you go, can you fill me in on any other details about displaced?” I asked him.
“Stay away from overly happy or overly eager sounding displaced. That is self-explanatory. This doesn't apply to me.” Church said bluntly. “They tend to find me.”
“Okay, got it,” I said. “Hey, how do I make a thing people can use to summon me?”
Church fell through the floor at that. He hovered back up and gave me what I assumed was an ‘are you fucking serious?’ look.
“What?” I asked him. “No one told me any of this!”
“Watch. And do as I do. Step one.” Church pulled out his energy sword, “Get something you want others to recognize as your token.”
I conjured a hard-magic version of the rune that appeared behind me whenever I altered reality (as I did occasionally when I was bored). It looked almost exactly like the thing that had sent me to Equus.
“Step two. Take a vow of chastity.” At the bewildered expressions everyone was giving he laughed. “The real second step is to say what you want others to hear when they find your token.”
I channeled a bit of magic into the rune and said what came to mind. “If you seek to protect the weak and help those who need it, call on me in your time of need, and I, Usurper King Zant, shall answer.”
“Protect the weak? Are you calling Rhyssa weak?” Church asked in mock-shock.
“Weak is a subjective term,” I replied.
“She isn't weak. She is cute.” Church said as he...kissed her chitin before walking away.
Rhyssa went stiff and looked like she was about to fall over. Lilium and I weren't quite sure what to do. I just looked to Church and asked, “So, uh, what next?”
“I go. And take good care of Rhyssa. I like her already,” Church said bluntly.
“Oh,” I said, a bit sad he had to leave. “But what do I do with this?” I asked, my sadness clear in my voice.
Before I could even register what was happening, Church punched a hole in the air and tossed my token into it.
“So that's where they come from,” I muttered. “It’s been...interesting, Church,” I said sadly. “I’m gonna miss you.”
“No need. I can always come back. But first…” Church teleported away for a moment and came back carrying a large container with some kind of fluid in it. “This is a decade's worth...It was supposed to feed a revolution but that never happened. A gift from a Queen named Aragog,” Church said as he handed it to Rhyssa.
She looked at it in awe. “For...for me?!” She asked breathlessly.
“Indeed. Why, there is probably enough in there to ascend you but I wouldn't waste it.”
Rhyssa fainted this time. Apparently gift-giving was super effective on her.
“This won't be the last time you see me. Goodbye,” Church said as his form faded away.
I removed my helmet and waved as his pelican soared off, and it was just me, Lilium, and the still-unconscious Rhyssa. An explosion was heard as a colossal portal opened in the sky before Church was finally gone.
I looked around the clearing. We were essentially back to square one. We had no Church. And Desert Gem was quite possibly worse off than she had been before.