*Location: Outside the Castle of the Two Sisters, Everfree Forest, Equestria, Equus, now...*
I immediately turned to face the source of the noise and was surprised to see a face that I recognized, and said the first thing that came to mind: "What." It was the only thing that seemed appropriate at the time.
"Is that...Pinkie Pie??" I thought. The creature that had uttered the noise looked like her, but she couldn't be real, could she? Surely I was going insane. Or at least, that was what I was thinking before I heard the frustrated sigh from the bushes, followed by the emergence of eight technicolor ponies (including Pinkie) and one small dragon.
"What!" I said as I instinctively took a half-step back, now thoroughly shocked.
Then the blue winged one with the prismatic mane got all up in my face.
"Who are you?!" she asked accusingly. She had a tomboyish air about her, with her tone of voice and the way she carried herself. "Are you a spy!? Why'd you try to destroy Ponyville with that dark magic thingy!?! TALK BEFORE I-" "Hold it there RD," said a twangy southern voice. At the same time an orange hoof grabbed the apparent designated bad cop by the tail and yanked her back down to earth (she'd had to fly up a bit to get in my face as she did). "RD?" I thought. "Rainbow Dash? Am I maybe in Equestria??" I looked to the orange mare who'd been kind enough to get Rainbow Dash(?) out of my face. She had a blonde mane and, oddly enough, was wearing a stetson. "No need to go accusin' somepony of sumthin before we even introduce ourselves to em'."
Then someone else, a lavender pony with wings and a horn and an indigo mane and tail with pink and violet stripes running through both "Twilight Sparkle?", said to the orange one, "You're absolutely right Applejack." Turning to me, she said, "Hi! I'm Twilight Sparkle, one of the princesses of Equestria!"
"Ah'm Applejack," said my orange savior.
"Iiiiiiii'm Pinkie Pie!" said the apparently hyperactive mare who'd spoken before, confirming my suspicions as she did.
"I am Rarity, Ponyville's premiere fashionista!" said a pompous and, well, expensive-looking white unicorn mare. This one even had makeup and a posh accent!
"Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in Equestria!" said bad cop, confirming my suspicion about her. "Maybe I AM in Equestria..." I thought.
"um...I'm Fluttershy..." whispered the evidently meek yet incredibly aw'dawwble yellow-coated pegasus who was doing a relatively good job of hiding behind her long, pink mane. I was also sure that she was the source of all moe in the universe. All of it, I say! Rarity spoke again, telling the adorable one, "Ehm, dear, I'm not sure he heard you..." "No, I heard her," I said. I really hadn't, but I didn't need to to know that it was Fluttershy.
"I'm Spike. I'm a dragon!" said the small reptile, seeming proud of the fact.
"Princess Celestia of Equestria, pleased to make your acquaintance," said the white regal-looking alicorn who was at least as tall as me.
"Hail and well-met, creature! We art Luna, diarch of Equestria, sister of Celestia, and princess of the night!" shouted the dark blue alicorn mare. She came up to about my shoulders, making her taller than all of the other ponies except, of course, her sister.
"So...who're you?" asked Pinkie Pie.
"Well...I'm not entirely sure at the moment," I replied. "I'm sorry, but could one of you give me a mirror?" I asked the assembled beings.
In a flash, Pinkie was gone, and then, in another flash, she was back, a hand-mirror clutched in one hoof. "Here ya go!" she said. Much to my surprise, no one else was shocked by what had just happened. "Wha...but how did you..." I stammered. Luckily, she knew what I meant, and said, "I store these all over the place in case of mirror emergencies!" said the physics-defying mare. "Thanks..." I said as I took the mirror from her. I looked into it and saw Zant's chameleon-like helmet staring back at me.
"Hmm...now how to take this thing off..." I thought. I know it starts with the face guard, and that recesses, and then sorta telescopes up into the rest of the helmet..." The moment I completed the thought, it happened. The face guard of the helmet recessed slightly, and then telescoped upward into the rest of the helmet, segments apparently going into other segments, going 'kliklikliklik' as they did. Once the process was complete, I saw a pale-blue mouth and chin, the same shade as my arm, in the mirror. I opened my mouth, and the reflection did the same. This wasn't surprising--I'd made the face guard on the helmet removable and had painted the part of my face blue just because I could. What was surprising was the fact that my front teeth were now needle-sharp. I ran my tongue along them to confirm this, and it was true. Now beginning to go into panic mode, I figured I'd better find a way to remove the rest of my helmet.
"Okay...now let's see...if I remember correctly, the front and back sections separated, and then the whole thing went up, and back behind my head, maybe vanishing into a hammerspace or something..." As with the face guard, as I completed the thought, the action began. The front and back halves of the helmet separated with a metallic 'chnk', and the whole of the helmet rose up and went up and over my head, sort of fell backwards behind my head, and seemed to shrink and vanish as it did so. What I saw in the mirror after that left me speechless.
Sure, I'd painted the area around my mouth and chin pale blue, but not my whole face! And I certainly hadn't painted the Twilit Emblem on the bridge of my nose in turquoise! And I never even bought orange sclera lenses! Nor had I dyed my hair bright red or made/purchased a yellow balaclava! There was only one explanation.
But I had to be sure.
"Um, again, sorry, not to be rude, but where am I? Like, specifically?"
"Well, we're outside the Castle of the Two Sisters..." started Twilight.
"I-in the Ev-verfree F-forest..." stammered Fluttershy (who shall henceforth be known as the aw'dawwble one).
"In Equestria..." continued Rarity.
"On the planet Equus!" finished Pinkie Pie.
"That's what I was afraid of," I thought. I looked in the mirror Pinkie Pie had given me once more to confirm my final suspicion.
"Thank you," I said to them, my voice trembling, "Now, to finally answer your question...I think I'm Zant...Usurper King Zant."