The Wonderbolt Fireflash, Rainbow Dash's best friend, goes missing right before she will be able to help Rainbow pass the entrance exam contest so that she can join the Wonderbolts. After meeting up with two other missing Wonderbolts, Spitfire and Soarin, the three of them must work together in order to escape, but can they get over their differences and make their way home?
PS: please leave your comments. I would love to know what you think of my work, and whether I should write another fanfic. If yes, please don't hesitate to tell me what I shopuld write about!
Chapters (8)
This whole think took me one week to write, and another two to edit and type it up! Enjoy!
I'll keep writing, will probably top out at 15K, 20K words total. Will try to fill it up w/ more adventure. Oh and please leave suggestions for my next fanfic! I might just write yours!
This is good but you need to leave space for each new speaker. Hit enter whenever a sentence envolves a new speaker like Soarin or Spitfie.
568475 will do. Thanks 4 the heads up
Hm I see hints of shipping in this.
569794 wats that?
569817 I see signs of a relationship between Soarin and Spitfire as well as Fireflash and Spitifre.
573237 yes. They will end up fighting over her later. On e ends up with Spitfire, the other with Rainbow. Won't say who.
The progress of the relationships will be followed up with separate sequels. Any suggestions for other fanfics though, feel free!
There we are good sir. I have read the story which you have requested.
Tis a good concept, it just needs spacing better. A wall of text is never good. Just whack enter a few more times, you know, space it out a little.
Otherwise, my only other advice would be to make chapters longer and slow things down a little. I mean, your vocabulary is fine and stuff, just try and pace it more smoothly, stuff is happening very quickly.
One last thing; a proofreader or editor can NEVER hurt, the best of the best have them. If someone offers, take them up on it. It will help A LOT.
Why did I do this again, despite you rudely asking us to read your stuff...? I have NO idea. But, call it good will or just 'me being nice'. By the way, the comment was deleted, I'd suggest being more 'kind' about it next time, instead of useing a sort of 'failed' blackmail approach. Just a suggestion.
No hard feelings.
Devil.
576503 sorry ^_^ its just my story never got very many views, so i felt a bit resentful >:P Just hoping to become a bit more well known. Thanks for the tip. If someone offers to help, I'll take them up on it.
577562
No worries dude. Just trying to get the point across. As for your story, I do like the concept, it's just those few things I mentioned.
I mean, really; it is unique, so I commend you on that! And a love/ship between OC, RD and Spitfire, in one way or another, is also fairly good.
Keep at it. No one is perfect at first, never think that, practice, and time will make a difference though. So, keep doin' whatcha doin', and I hope you catch a break.
See ya.
On the short side, but interesting.
577654 yeah. The sequel, or prequel, will be longer. This is nowhere near done tho. 10K, 15K more words mebbe? Ways to go be4 im done. Will take some work.
chapters 5 and 6 coming tomorrow!
Voxel approves
I'm sorry to say that I don't know who 'they' might be, good job so far though.
591701 thats the point! Its a surprise! :3 Soarin and Spitfire have no idea who they are, but Fireflash does.
Note: Fireflash is my OC, that's why the story is from his point of view. My avatar is my OC, so that's what he looks like.
BRILLIANT
597871 hehe. I know
Hm what happens now?
616712 the sequel happens now! I'm writing it, and it can be submitted whenever I feel like it, about 1100 words now. But I'm not yet, for the suspense, and because I want to post it when people are online.
I hope you don't mind but ill be commenting on mistakes, problems and generally anything that may bother myself or some other readers. first off your spelling, though i only read through without scouring it, seems pretty good
, you re-use certain words a fair bit such as "I" and i noticed you went from referring of the narrator (clearly a friend of dash's) to rainbow herself? unless you intend on later explaining why her friend is also able to do a sonic rainboom, which i am pretty sure only rainbowdash can preform, thought this last thing isent the biggest deal some spacing between paragraphs would be fantastic, to help keep what line your on as-well as clearing any confusion, your grammer could use a little help, but only with how it flows, past that its satisfactory.
past that its a pretty good start my friend!
They would probably assume that I'm looking for Spitfire and Soarin, my two best friends
In chapter one you said rainbow was fireflashes best friend, would you clear that up for me please? and suddenly saying: "I know that Soarin and Spitfire disappeared because somepony, (not necessarily either of them) wanted me to be unable to train Rainbow, and postpone the exam." perhaps it could be implied but saying you know it to be fact can take some enjoyment away for those who dident know, or guess for that matter, try and leave some mystery and imply at the same time. you happen to refer to spitfire and soarin alot by there names, which normally is vary good but once established that there missing you can avoid over using there names by simply saying "my missing team mates" or another variant for that matter, lastly i dont see this is as problem persay but to me (as my personal opinion... wait a sec this is all my opinion... ops) it seems you (fireflash) is more worried about explaining whats happening to others and whats going on around her then what she's thinking about and feeling, but a plain picture instead of drawing the reader into the world of the story in which your wrighting.
my nit picking aside its still a good attempt and has alot of penitential to be a fantastic story. keep it up and if you will allow it, ill keep being a critic
P.S dont take my comments the wrong way, im just tryin ta help
630968 whoops. meant to edit and put sonic flameboom, fogot to change it.
I totally understand, but you're the first person to find anything to criticize, so thanks
I'll rewrite the chapters eventually, but currently I'm working on the sequel My Little Dashie: My Adventures with Rainbow Dash (It describes Fireflash and Rainbow's past together)
I don't want to shatter your self-proclaimed grammar nazi status, but this could use some editing.
631022 oh god im coming back to edit this chapter...the typos and grammar and plotline are killing me over and over
I brained my damage reading this again 
as is highly over used>>568844
A sonic flameboom...
I have officially seen and heard everything now. Life is complete.
pacing is just a teeny, tiny bit off.
OK, it's a long way off. like the first chapter of my fic, we have next to no time to get to know this OC. Who is he? What is his Cutie Mark? What is his personality? and; WTF Is the Sonic FlameBoom?
Just, you know, a few miner problems...
I'm sorry, the pacing in this whole fic so far is just, well its like you have taken the first eleven episodes of season one and tried to make them into a one hour season opening.
NOT a good way to go.
I will keep reading, I just hope I can help you get better at it.
pacing is better. and 'they' are the ShadowBolts, right?
I'm so sorry, this fic just dos'nt work for me.
A quick read and, from what I gather from the other comments, it would appear that most grammar mistakes have been taken care of. So good job in the grammar department/grammar fixing. It was an interesting story and shows the reader about not only your OC, but also a little about the author as well.
Unfortunately, the pacing of this story was incredibly fast which made it difficult to get into. It was also quite jarring with the final moment between Spitfire and Fireflash. It felt like it came out of nowhere even though half of the story gave glimpses of it happening (again a bit of a pacing problem). The one other complaint I have is in making Fireflash extremely powerful. Being able to perform the equivalent of a Sonic Rainboom seems like it breaks the lore of MLP:FiM. However, this is your story and your universe so I'll let that one slip.
Overall: interesting concept, but needs work in pacing and character building/design
Hopefully this has been a good review and that you can learn a lot. Also, remember to never stop writing as the more you write, the better you get.
887088 that's the feedback I've gotten. Too fast pacing, a bit too much power to FireFlash, and a few times character construction.
First fic though, so whacha gonna do
887114
Yep, for a first fanfic it's not bad. The more you write the better you get. So I hope to see you grow as you continue to write.
894640 yeah, that's what everypony tells me. And i did get better feedback on MAWRD. a bit better pacing, better character personalities, better grammar, but still not perfect.
on that last paragraph when u said
I still have the vine braces on my two right legs and rest wing, though
did u mean to say right wing?
984137 yes, I probably did. Thanks for noticing. I might have meant left, though, let me check.
Edit: it was left, and fixed.
I just read this and i'll be completely honest:
7.5/10
IMO, I felt the story didn't have enough descriptions to it. not much background on your OC and and there was some REALLY fast shipping......
All you simply have to do is the following:
1.expand: make the scenes much more descriptive and make the story flow smother.
2.plot fix: I like the story, but i felt there could be an improvement in the story line.
3.(optional) length: no offence, but some readers like it better if you had a "target word count" this means that you have to make the chapter at least this minimum no of words. sometimes makes the writer expand the story or even add more details.(recommended target:min of 1500 words)
1004011 that's the type of feedback I've gotten. The story as a whole goes too fast, and I don't describe my OC personality, history, anything. I may do a rewrite eventually, but for now I have a bunch of other stuff to do.
Awww r u ok? I have me never heard about the lightning bolt on face thing before
I hope u get better soon and BTW I love this story
1009140 wow, thanks. glad you liked it.
and yeah, the lightning bolt gets to me.
I really liked this story, my only criticism would be that it was super short when it could've possibly been dragged out and made longer
apart from that, awesome story, sequel time 
3030844 I know it's short, and, to be honest, iI hate it. If you want to read something of mine that's actually good, Duct Tape Is Magic is far, far beteer.
3038702
3039117 My wording was horrible, it doesn't flow, it's way too short, the list goes on. If I decide to rewrite it, I'll letcha know.
3040568
I think you're being a bit critical on yourself but if/when you choose to edit it, I'll be the first to read it
TL;DR