Chapter 4: Recovery
I screeched in terror as the fireball began to shrink, and I curled up to try and avoid its flaming walls. It continued to shrink, and I waited for it to be all over. I had no idea what would happen when it hit me, but I expected to catch on fire and be incinerated instantly. When it finally brushed my tail, I prepared myself as much as possible for the worst. It couldn't get any worse that catching on fire and burning to death, right? Wrong.
The fireball exploded on contact, sending me screaming and flailing into the wall of the cave, where I fell to the floor, motionless, and in an akward position. When I finally woke up, water was dripping on my face, and I was in agony. I nearly passed out again, but I gritted my teeth and screeched loudly instead.
"Oh good, you're awake." Spitfire turned away from Soarin and trotted over to me. "You broke your left wing, both of your right legs, and your back left hoof is sticking out at a weird angle, which is not good."
Soarin unsteadily got up and slowly walked over to me on three legs and looked me over. "That explosion tore a large chunk of stone out of the ceiling. It also knocked me into a wall, and I sprained my front right hoof and left wing, so I can't run or fly, but you can't even stand up. Spitfire is the only one not incapacitated right now."
I moaned in agony. I touched my front left hoof, the only uninjured one, to the left side of my head and winced. A lightning bolt shaped gash ran behind my ear, to the corner of my eye, and down the side of my face. I gasped as a searing pain shot through the gash. "It feels like a lightning bolt down the side of my face." I commented.
"It looks like a lightning bolt down the side of your face." Soarin said. He walked back over to the other side of the cave and sat back down.
Author's Note: The "lightning bolt on the side of my face" is not just an idea. I (the author) have the exact same issue in real life, though as far as everyone can tell, there is no actual injury. It hurts like hell... >_<
"You need to rest, Fireflash... So do you, Soain." she snapped as he started to get up again. "That wing and that hoof need to heal."
"All right, Spitfire." Soarin sighed. "I just wish that there was more that I could do to help in my current state."
"The way that you can help most is by resting! Fireflash needs us now. He may be faster than us, and stronger, but you need to rest so that you can help him!"
"Okay, okay, I get it. I'll rest up, and we'll see how everypony is doing later."
Spitfire turned back to me, eyes soft and caring. "Don't worry, Fireflash. Everything will....."
I never heard the rest because at that point I had fallen asleep. When I woke up, Soarin was on his hooves again. Well, three of them. I was surprised to see that his hoof and wing were bandaged with vines and leaves.
I moaned in pain. "Ohhh.....my wing...my legs..."
"Don't worry." Spitfire said. "I bandaged you up too."
"Where did you get all these plants?" I asked.
"That explosion knocked a lot of the roof out, remember? I can reach through that hole now! There were plenty, so we're probably in a forest somewhere. There's also a strawberry bush nearby, so se have some food as well. You want one?"
"Yes! I'm starving!"
"Hehe. that's what I thought." Spitfire smiled and gave me a bunch of strawberries.
As I ate, I began to feel a bit better, but just as in pain as before. "Thanks, Spitfire. Yeowch!" I yelped in pain as Spitfire put her hoof on my back.
"Oh dear...are you all right? Did I hurt you?"
"No, I'm just sore, that's all. You saw how hard I hit the wall, didn't you?"
Spitfire lay next to me for a while, and eventually put her hoof around me. It made me wonder...do I love Spitfire? I decided to think about that later, as Spitfire had started to rub my mane.
"That feels niiice..." I said happily, closing my eyes.
"Don't worry, Fireflash. Everything will be fine. I'll be here to protect you until you get better."
"Thanks, Spitfire. I know that I can count on you and Soarin."
I opened my eyes, and caught a glance of Soarin glaring at me from across the cave. Oh no. That can't be good. Does he have a crush on Spitfire? I really hoped not. I didn't want any rifts forming between anypony, not now.....
After a long week of rest and recuperation, my back left hoof has healed, and Soarin's wing and hoof are both fully healed. I still have the vine braces on my two right legs and left wing, though. I can tell that this is going to be a long road to recovery.
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Hm I see hints of shipping in this.
569794 wats that?
569817 I see signs of a relationship between Soarin and Spitfire as well as Fireflash and Spitifre.
573237 yes. They will end up fighting over her later. On e ends up with Spitfire, the other with Rainbow. Won't say who.
The progress of the relationships will be followed up with separate sequels. Any suggestions for other fanfics though, feel free!
There we are good sir. I have read the story which you have requested.
Tis a good concept, it just needs spacing better. A wall of text is never good. Just whack enter a few more times, you know, space it out a little.
Otherwise, my only other advice would be to make chapters longer and slow things down a little. I mean, your vocabulary is fine and stuff, just try and pace it more smoothly, stuff is happening very quickly.
One last thing; a proofreader or editor can NEVER hurt, the best of the best have them. If someone offers, take them up on it. It will help A LOT.
Why did I do this again, despite you rudely asking us to read your stuff...? I have NO idea. But, call it good will or just 'me being nice'. By the way, the comment was deleted, I'd suggest being more 'kind' about it next time, instead of useing a sort of 'failed' blackmail approach. Just a suggestion.
No hard feelings.
Devil.
576503 sorry ^_^ its just my story never got very many views, so i felt a bit resentful >:P Just hoping to become a bit more well known. Thanks for the tip. If someone offers to help, I'll take them up on it.
577562
No worries dude. Just trying to get the point across. As for your story, I do like the concept, it's just those few things I mentioned.
I mean, really; it is unique, so I commend you on that! And a love/ship between OC, RD and Spitfire, in one way or another, is also fairly good.
Keep at it. No one is perfect at first, never think that, practice, and time will make a difference though. So, keep doin' whatcha doin', and I hope you catch a break.
See ya.
577654 yeah. The sequel, or prequel, will be longer. This is nowhere near done tho. 10K, 15K more words mebbe? Ways to go be4 im done. Will take some work.
chapters 5 and 6 coming tomorrow!
I'm sorry, the pacing in this whole fic so far is just, well its like you have taken the first eleven episodes of season one and tried to make them into a one hour season opening.
NOT a good way to go.
I will keep reading, I just hope I can help you get better at it.
on that last paragraph when u said
I still have the vine braces on my two right legs and rest wing, though
did u mean to say right wing?
Awww r u ok? I have me never heard about the lightning bolt on face thing before
I hope u get better soon and BTW I love this story