Daedalus1776
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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...And then Twilight lost the genie game. Her booby prize: a one-way trip into the most awesome video game ever played.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I (re)learned that when you don't have the Stare, never fuck with a dragon. EVER.
You frost-bitten student,
Twilight Sparkle
Twilight you fool! You clearly didn't finish reading that book before you acted.
I like how the plot is developing so far, I should be working on my paper for class but that will have to wait
You are doing a great job depicting Twilight's emotional turmoil with the harsh world of the Elder Scrolls Universe, I also like the group she is traveling with.
Twilight managed to off the first dov that was willing to talk instead of kill on sight
I have to side with the dov though as Twilight's comment of Celestia granting her Spike made it sound like he was an object. Can't wait for the next chapter!
This, so far, is a very nicely-done fic. You've pretty much portrayed Twilight in Skyrim the exact way I imagined. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the positive comments, guys! I just moved the story from fanfiction.net last night, after I finished chapter five - I'll try my best to have chapter six done in a couple of weeks, but between work, procrastination and general laziness I usually don't have my chapters done until the twenty-eighth of each month. Keep an eye out!
Oh snap! NOW i'm hooked.
I wanna see how they handle this dragon
(Wall of text incoming.)
HOWEVER, for constructive criticism I suppose I must be honest with one major pet peeve of mine. For example I find it very silly in how Twilight has become a bit of a "damsel in distress" type character, who seems unable to fend for herself. For a My Little Pony fanfiction that's supposed to have Twilight as the main character, its irking to me to see her play second fiddle to this group of random adventurers unable to defend herself and act more like a burden than anything to this group.
Luckily you made it so she's at least made a crucial difference in certain essential scenes, but it still doesn't seem enough to do Twilight's character justice.
I mean come one she's one of the most powerful unicorn magicians in the show who has been seen handling a variety of often dangerous and scary situations with her magic, facing them head on with courage and determination (Ursa Minor and the Changelings for example). Shouldn't she have been able to handle those bandits near the start? And what of her other kidnappers, whom seemd to just come out of nowhere as some, at least from my point of view, plot device? As far as I know her magic wasn't disabled or anything at these times, so I don't see any excuses for why she didn't at least TRY to help herself even if she were too exhausted to be that effective. It's confusing that she didn't try a spell or something, when we've seen she's capable of wrecking enemies when she's angry (poor elf/vampire...)
You don't have to have her overpowered and destroy all opposition or constantly teleporting out of danger (though that would make logical sense...meh.), just at least be consistent in how she deals with certain situations and on par with the group by being a more helpful/active "spell-tosser" as Urgak put's it, and have her shoot a few more destructive or, even better since she's adverse to killing people, paralyzing/tricky spells at her foes in order to be a valuable asset thet the adventurers would actually find worth keeping rather than "that purple horse that got herself caught twice and won't stop whining".
Well I guess you can say my ONLY frustration is in how Twilight doesn't seem to be playing a very big role in this story thus far save for specific vital moments, and I'm somewhat afraid that all this is going to amount to is Twilight following these heroes around Tamriel and watch them kill stuff, but this is mostly a PERSONAL opinion 'cause hell, I don't see anyone else complaining. It's interesting that she's kinda learning like she kinda set out to do and I really like her interactions with the group when questioning things and trying to learn about her environment,
but I feel it'd be better if she played a more "hands-on" role in their adventures while she tries to get home.
...But hell it still seems somewhat early to be properly judging this tale, and it's YOUR story anyways so I have no right in telling you what kind of story to write (hell, maybe you have a good reason for certain events happening, maybe one I've missed or hasn't been explained just quite yet?), rather I'm here to just enjoy it for what its worth (which I REALLY am thus far) and possibly just voice my opinion. Hell, I rarely COMMENT on stories on this sight unless they really grab my attention, so that's saying something. I still deeply enjoyed this story despite all that unimportant stuff I've wasted time whining about, and will favourite this fun story to keep an eye on it, no matter where this goes. Can't wait for the next chapter, and here's hoping Twilight and her new friends can kick some dragon ass!
FUS RO DAH!
...I need to go to bed now. Didn't realize what time it was when I read and wrote this. Damn fanfictions, stealing sleep....
522298
I actually squeed a little when I read your comment. I -thrive- on constructive criticism, and the fact that you quoted Urgak tickles me pink.
I'll admit, I've been kind of keeping Twilight in the background for the most part, which is something that bothers me as well. This is the first major work I've attempted, and I think I bit off a little more than I could chew at first by trying to juggle four main characters.
However, (Small spoiler alert) Twilight -will- be taking a more hands-on, active role in the story in and after the next chapter, specifically for one reason you cited: she's adverse to killing things. Really, the only combat-oriented spells she knew in the show (that I can remember off the top of my head, anyway) were the spells she used to defeat the Ursa Minor and the Changelings - honestly, I'm not sure what to do about the Changeling issue. I went into this story thinking she didn't know dink about combat, but now she's been used as a Gatling Gun. ><; However, the Ursa Minor spell combo was more-or-less creature-specific, and wouldn't really work on a group of cut-throats. xD
Oh god. Sorry for the wall - it is getting late, and I'm getting a little dumb and rambly as the clock ticks.
TL;DR, I'm gonna try to fix most of my foul-ups with Twilight in the next chapter, and I promise you'll love it.
Also: Your praise ended my shitty day on a happy note.
Thank you.
522331 Thank you too. Glad you cared enough to reply to my critique and I'm happy to hear that I've somehow managed to brighten up someone's day. Always worth it. Keep up the good work, my good man and I'll be continue to read from the shadows.
Arkannna, is that you? :D
541666
:D Yes it is.
543688
well, good to see you brought your story to fimfiction :D
now if only i could get off my lazy flank and write my story :s
543714
Yeah, I got tired of being tucked away in the crossover corner of ff.net, so I figured why not? Got a pretty wonderful response, so far. :3 I just need to stop procrastinating on chapter six.
When I finished the third chapter I was feeling mighty depressed, since I know it could be a while before your next update, so I came up with the brilliant idea of making my own ending. It went along something like this.
The three warriors ran as fast as they could to the fort. When they got there they saw a big Ugly Forsworn king-person, laughing evilly along with his Forsworn henchmen. At the Ugly Forsworns feet was a gagged and hog tied Twilight Sparkle. The warriors cried a great battle cry and charged the Forsworn. The elf archer guy jumped off a convienently placed spring board and did some awesome frontflips, while at the same time he shot all of the forsworn mooks in the brain stem. But then a Giant came out of nowhere and smacked the bosmer in the shin with a big stick, sending the elf flying into space. Orcgack skipped merrily up to the Ugly Forsworn Lord-Thing and began tickling him with a magic pink feather. The Ugly Forsworn King-Dude doubled over in a fit of laughter so great, that it caused him to explode into a shower of red mist and confetti. Haran did nothing. He just sat there... The three warriors untied Twi and started to dance around in joy. The Divine Nine were pleased to see the group together again and had a big pile of gold coins appear in front of the mercenaries. With that the day was won and the band of mercenaries and pony danced along the road and into the sunset.
(As soon as I found out that you had moved onto FIMFiction I knew I had to transfer my SUPER DUPER AWESOME comment from FFN and bring it here.
Hope you like it....again.)
583574
If I weren't feelin' so merciful, I'd beat'cha with my rifle, Riflemen.
But I love you anyway.
One thing i would like to see more of is how the others are handling this (Twilight's friends reacting to the current situation)
616709
*Grins* All in good time, friend. All in good time.
At least she had the brains not to try and summon someone like Bohemia or Malacath.
...Actually...I'm rather confused why she didn't try to summon Hermaeus Mora.
Equines can't actually throw up. Other than that this chapter was really good, but you could've milked the Helgan scene more.
Twilight, Twilight, Twilight... tsk tsk tsk
Read the contract before you sign (or in this case, listen to the words spoken before agreeing).
"I will give you a chance to gain limitless knowledge" is much different than "I will give you limitless knowledge."
Ah well, on to Nirn, Tamriel more specifically.
The only thing that bothered me, and it could easily be chalked up to "she was too afraid to realize," is that she could have easily unbound herself using magic...
"Baby unicorn"
HAHAHA
Silly bandits, or whatever the hell you people may be, Twilight isn't a baby. She's like... 21... and, unless you knocked her out, you could all very well be dead by the time the mercenaries get there...
Okay, I'm actually not having issues figuring out who people are in this...
Normally when I read a story with more than one OC, I get confused and don't know who anyone is. But, in this, I think the fact that their races are all very different, I actually know which one is which. It makes me very happy...
Dear Celestia, I'm on the fence about something here...
If Twilight ever finds a spell tome... she's going to be devastated.
She'll read it and be able to produce the spell--only to have the book to crumble to ash upon finishing it... That's going to destroy her...
Twiight--reducing a book to ash?
Anyhoof, on to the next chapter!
Holy hell! Update! Yes! Epic! Awesome!
Sheograth! F*ckin' Epic!
Hopefully the next chapter will be out soon?
1095369
Absolutely. I've been going through a lot of IRL issues lately - went through two jobs, moving out of my apartment, been tryin' to keep my life together. That, and this was the chapter from Hell. Updates will definitely be more frequent from here on out!
By Celestia's beard! An update. Sheogorath himself must've intervened!
Never seek congress with daemons.
And yeah... the real world sucks...
Just one thing. You keep saying "Savos," isn't it "Savros"? I could have sworn...
I am going to ask this question once. Just once.
Who shot an arrow into Twilight's knee?
1095707
A bandit whom, after the events of that chapter, I've named "Crispy the Pirate."
Ahaha! Sheogorath! I actually planned for a story where Twilight meets him when she reads a book we're all familiar with (Wabbajack). I was planning for Sheo to be old friends with Pinkie actually.
Cancelled it because of the lack of ideas though...
Anyway, will Twilight and the rest of the gang meet the Dragonborn? Or is this just some side-story in Skyrim where they occasionally run into scenarios involving him/her, only that they will be a distance away from it? Like in chapter 3?
Something like that?
I was expecting the Dovahkiin to show up randomly after the fight and get a free dragon soul.
This was Heavy's face When I saw that this story updated.
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTo7LQu_zchKcRH2zk-uDZw6bzXDscY8hdgdJI2Xjd78C4XrduHY3BipGUb7Q
1096593
Unfortunately for some of my readers, I have no intention of giving the Dovahkiin any major involvement in my story at all. The occasional reference, yes, but he's not gonna swoop in to save the day or anything.
Also, Sheogorath may or may not know some folks in Equestria. >:3
1098290
That's alright. I've always been fan of 'people working in the background' stories where the main character(s) of the story the adventure is happening behind is 'kept out of sight' but still happening, so to speak (e.g LoTR: The Third Age). I can imagine filling in the Dragonborn would just be unnecessary plot filler or a subplot, if you will.
Also, you can totally go for my 'Pinkie and Sheogorath talk to each other on occasions in her sleep/whenever' idea if you hadn't planned something similar already. I also had one where he put the idea of cheese-flavored cupcakes on her mind.
Sweet! This story finally updated! Methinks I'll have a reread of this story to refresh my memory sometime... To my personal regret I feel as though I was too quick and harsh in my initial judgements of this story and am eager to see this continue now that we're getting somewhere.
1111760
No reason to regret expressing your opinion, man. :3 I actually really enjoyed the comment you'd left. The fact that you actually took the time to write it was flattering.
And, I'm not gonna reveal anything, but you're gonna love the next chapter.
Greaves? In Skyrim? that is why they made the bloody arrow to the knee joke in the first place. And horse armor? Oh I see what your doing there
*dragon stops "frosting" Twilight*
"I could of just torn up the contract" *collaspes*
Because Dragons are far more deadly then people claim, if your level 50, your SUPPOSED to own them.
668250 The ponies who ate AJ's baked bads in 'Applebuck Season' disagree
1095707 I used to read books, but than I took an arrow in the knee.
1098290 So...What's the canon Dovahkiin in this story? Ie: What build/ guilds etc. And will Twilight meet the Greybeards? And will she turn out to be a dragonborn as well?
1234558
"Not giving him any major involvement" is a nice way of me saying I'm only going to be putting him in one or two very incredibly insignificant background bits in the story, as jokes or little tiny cameos.
As for Twilight being a dragonborn: no. That's the only thing about my story that I'm actually going to spoil, is no, she isn't a Dovahkiin.
Liking the story a lot so far. You manage to blend humour into the generally crapsack world that Tamriel is very well, and the dynamic between the three mercs is amusing. I also crack up at Twilight's adorkableness whenever she smells books.
I'm interested to see how the story develops going forward. Twilight has been going from horrified bystander to reluctantly accepting that she may be forced to do unpleasant things. Little bits like her getting a set of armour to protect herself further goes to show that she is able to adapt to her new surroundings. I wonder if you are going to take the story further into a sort of "innocence lost" twist where Twilight has to continually compromise her moral integrity to continue and her desire to return home becomes a whatever-the-cost goal for her. In relation to that, her impending studies at the College could take a rather grim turn if she has to learn certain spells like those involving necromancy, atronach summoning or soul stealing. Oh dear.
The prospect of the group of misfits going to go exploring in old Dwemer ruins seems promising, in part because of the image I have of Twilight's reaction upon finding all that technology to study. For science!
Looking forward to the next update.
Story still being worked on?