Daedalus1776
Joined 29th Apr, 2012 ·
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Just a little something I doodled in a notebook while my computer was dead. Figured I'd post it on here to see what you guys thought!
I like it, Crunch is awesome. Also Mubawe.
730317
Heh, my pre-reader loved Crunch. I'm glad you like the story! :D
I always seem to like the Diamond Dogs, they are, as a race, pretty cool creatures. But give one a gun, a sardonic manner and a penchant for cigars, booze and sex and you are winning it.
Not a bad story, even if I don't like the subject. Something I noticed however was that your character description of Sunny was rather weak; an actual outlining of her features would be a good thing in the first chapter as you just kinda jumped in. Other than that, I will reserve judgement til a later date.
If Sunny doesn't step up her game and be more cautious of her surroundings, she's gonna get jumped by some rival gangsters and go....
Sunny-side-up
733968
...You clever bastard. Well done.
735720
In all honesty though, the story was great. The whole Prohibition era setting isn't something I've seen before, therefore, it is very enjoyable.....for me. As fpr characters, Sunny and Cap'n Crunch are pretty cool, but my favorite character would have to be the unnamed Bathroom Assualt Unicorn. I mean, the guy's sittin' in the bathroom chillin', when all of a sudden he hears the door being busted down. So what does he do? He grabs his M3 SMG, listens to what's going on outside, and waits until either the invaders leave or have their guard down. He does the latter.
Bursting out of the Royal Poopery, the Bathroom Assualt Unicorn began his one-man crusade to regain the honour of his fallen comrades. Using his righteous grease gun, he sprayed HOT LEAD at the first person he saw. Unfortunately, the fem-unicorn must have seen him because she threw herself to the floor, revealing a huge, burly diamond dog brandishing a .38 revolver. The last thing our warrior of justice saw was the two muzzle flashes.....
Then nothing.
You need to update this!